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Coru's Void Blog

I'm back! + Interesting Life update.

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Hi guys! It's been a long while, I'm in the midst of so much work but because of Sword and Shield and just a way for me to escape for a few minutes each day i've come back for a while and hopefully I can stay around. I'm super excited to start posting about theories on the new games, especially since they are based on where I come from. Finally a UK based region! haha.

I'm posting this sort of as a way to sort through my thoughts at the moment. I probably shouldn't because it's super personal but I will be really vague about it and just give the idea. Just need to get it out.
Just as a warning, this blog includes a bit of personal stuff and is a bit heavy from something I found out today, so just as a warning.

Anyway, two weeks ago, I went home and started going through some personal files for a university project I am going to do. I am adopted, so I wanted to create a book based on it to spread awareness and stop the stigma of it being an awkward topic. Anyway, I went through my files for the first time in my life and a lot of it was quite heavy. I was adopted young and have no memories of my birth family but it still messed me up when I was younger and I went to therapy for 5 years for the effects that this had on me. But I basically learned that my birth mother couldn't look after me properly and was effectively neglecting me, not feeding me, cleaning me etc. This led to me going to a foster family which is now my adoptive family. Long story short, for 3 years I went back and forth between birth mother to foster family until it was decided for me to be adopted by my foster family. This doesn't bother me. I found little gems in my stuff and even though it's a very sad and hard story I just found it interesting and a happy story in a way and it gave me a new light on my birth mother as I could tell she really tried she just couldn't cope, so it wasn't her fault.

I also found out a big revelation about my birth father. He was Hungarian and came to the UK when he was 5 fleeing from the Hungarian Revolution. So all of a sudden I found out I was half Hungarian and had that heritage I never realised before. I had some information on him but no pictures and no specifics as he declined to send stuff for my file. I also found that I am 1 of 13 siblings. None of them full, all half siblings. Wow.
So, that's the basics without me giving any proper personal info out. All of this intrigued me and for the first time in my life I was interested in my adoption. I had never been before because I thought that I already had my family so I don't need to bother, but going through my stuff just made me proud of my adoption, my adoptive family and just my story in general. Something happened today that has really stumped me and I can't place how I feel.

Earlier today, whilst trying to dig and find more information to add to the little I already have on my birth father, I found out he died almost two years ago. Now, I have no personal connection to him, I don't even know what he looks like, but I feel something. I'm not sad because he wasn't someone I cared about. I didn't even know about him until two weeks ago, but theres some level of sadness there. It's really odd. I would never want to contact him anyway but it feels as if I have lost somebody. What confuses me is how can I lose somebody that I didn't have in the first place? It's as if it just hit me that 'oh, one of the people that played a role in me being here is not here anymore' and it is so weird. In a way it's probably me feeling that I don't have a choice at all if I ever want to meet him now and that makes me a bit sad at that thought. I don't know. Can you mourn and grieve someone that you have never met before and know hardly anything about?

Anyway, I needed to get those thoughts out somewhere and I thought a blog would be easier than ranting at someone in real life, haha. I've already been talking to my friends and girlfriend about it loads for the last two weeks anyway. I hope this isn't giving out too much information to people, but i'm proud of my adoption and i'm not shy about it, so I will happily talk about it. Sorry my very first post back is something a bit depressing, but I will be posting some more light hearted excited opinions about gen 8 at some point in the threads haha.

Thanks for reading if you made it to the end and I hoped you found it interesting in some way. If only I could go into more detail. There's so much material that is worthy of being made into a film haha.

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Slice of Life

Comments

  1. Suicune's Fire's Avatar
    I'm so happy you're back, Coru! :D It's great to see you! And yes, UK region is awesome. :3 I'll be waiting for an Australian-based region. XD

    Wooowww, everything you've explained is really heavy! I don't know what I'd do if I were adopted, but I think that I would definitely feel some response to finding out that my biological father died. Of course you can mourn someone you don't know. He's blood if nothing else, and blood has unique ties. And one of thirteen siblings. Wow. That must have done your head in. Finding out about your heritage is also massive. You really do have an interesting story. It does sound like it's out of a movie. xD

    It's really good that you're willing to speak about all this as well. Nothing worse than bottling stuff up. I'm glad you decided to share it with us. :) Do you think that one day...you might want to meet some of your half-siblings? o:
  2. Cleobel's Avatar
    Welcome back to PXR, @Coru! Thank you for posting this blog entry. Sorry to hear about the death of your biological father. May he rest in peace.
  3. Coru's Avatar
    @Suicune's Fire Thank you, glad to be back. Yeah, it weird, When I first found out I didn't feel anything but as the day went on it was stuck in my mind. Quite confusing considering I had never really felt anything like that because my opinion is that they aren't my family, my adoptive family are my family. I guess it's more complex than I expected haha. A few years ago my birth family (3 birth sisters and birth mother) ambushed me on facebook and all tried to add me and they all messaged me. That's kind of put me off meeting with them, a lot of them seemed like they wanted to meet for selfish reasons and not respecting me, but one of them was very respectful and I chat with her every now and then. @Cleobel Thank you. It's weird to think about it really and I'm still not sure what to think. But either way it's out of my control. Mourning is such a confusing thing haha.
  4. Suicune's Fire's Avatar
    @Coru Haha emotions are definitely complicated. I totally get that. :) You may know all the facts and have logic to help you rationalise, but emotions and feelings don't really care to follow those same rules. What you're feeling is totally understandable. :) And yes, of course your adoptive family is your proper family! Also oof about the biologicals messaging you on FB out of more selfish reasons. x: That sucks. Maybe some of the others won't be like that haha. It's good that one was respectful, at least!