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OH HELLO WHAT'S THIS?

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I think I've come out of my social shell now? I'm not sure. Maybe tomorrow I'll decide that I want to be a recluse again. I dunno. Regular socialization both enriches my life and makes it more hectic. So it's kinda a double-edged sword. Regardless I'm glad to see everyone!

Wow, last time I updated was in '17? That's insane. Life's been going well for me, actually. For those that are curious to any major life events since that last, fateful blog post, I'll fill you in! I wanna keep it brief, though.

Okay. So last time I was talking about Kevin, right? Yeah, that didn't work out. He was looking for a fling, I was looking for a rebound and still had a LOT of healing to do from my last relationship. I thought I was ready to play the field, but I wasn't. When I broke it off with Kevin, it really put me in a deep depression for a while. He acted like he wanted a relationship at first, but then a few weeks later was very clear and specific about actually not wanting a relationship. I didn't use my head and let my feelings get in the way, so I stuck around. It made him feel terrible because he knew he was going to end up hurting me and he didn't want to. I feel like he was a genuinely good person, he was just in a really bad spot. And he wasn't really my type, lol. That kind of stuff just happens! I don't hold any ill will against him at all.

In November, I ran into an entirely new "beast." Shane. He was that cute, quiet, shy guy at that worked at the front counter of a place I went to on my lunch breaks frequently. We got to know each other, we fell in love and it was very fiery. Yeah...fiery isn't always good. Shane was absolutely nuts. He always thought he was sick, always made me pay for his hospital bills and cigarettes and other stupid stuff because his mom, whom he lived with, basically had had enough of his BS and basically just said "here, you have him!" He has a terrible family, was raised in an abusive household. It's honestly no wonder why he was so messed up. You know what the sad thing is? I'm only just now seeing all this. It's really easy to not see the big picture through the rose-tinted glasses of romance.

That relationship was very damaging. But hey, you know what? That's okay. It made me a stronger, wiser person and I learned so much about myself (and about other people lol). I don't think I would be the same confident, fun-loving, happy person I am today. Well, actually, one person helped me become a better person. But I'm getting ahead of myself, I think.

I've been stuck at the same job for a year. It's...fully my fault. I can't work up the motivation to find a new one. I get so comfortable that I just get stuck, and it's bad.

Like...I know I always talk about my relationship life more than anything else. Love is a big deal to me I guess, lol. It always has been. I've had other interesting things happen to me since then, but I'd really just rather talk about my own personal journey through life that I've had up to this point.

Okay, where was I? So I broke up with Shane because one day I realized that I couldn't do this. I didn't deserve this. I could be free of the prison I was in. One day I just realized that I no longer had any feelings for him because of all the turmoil he put me through. It felt like my conscience made a last-ditch effort to cry out for help so I could get out of that mess.

During my relationship with Shane, I had a mild crush on another coworker and I tried to ignore it. I was pretty good at it too, but I would constantly think about him while I was with Shane. That should have been my first warning that something in my current relationship wasn't right. But I didn't listen to my intuition....

This coworker was a childhood friend of mine. You know, that person that you hung out with a few times when you were little--someone you vaguely remember--but you haven't seen them SINCE you were a kid. Then 15 years later you meet them again and are surprised at the fact you remember them. Then every day you work with them you constantly ogle and wonder where all that time went and how they suddenly grew up so fast. Another thing to note that he's younger than me by 5 years, so having a crush on him felt even more strange to me.

That guy? I'm dating him now. I wish I would have dumped Shane sooner. I know I say this about every guy I'm with, but I have never been with someone who's so genuine, authentic, and so in-tune with my and my feelings and needs and dreams. When I'm with him, I don't feel turbulent like I did in other relationships. I feel comfortable, secure, and just warm and I absolutely love it. It feels different. It feels healthy and right, and I'm a much more healthy, positive, happy, confident person nowadays. I look back at how I was only six months ago and am bewildered at the changes. All I had to do was get rid of Shane, and my life became infinitely better.

Oh and yeah, I still do art every now and then. I had a really long art block for like a year ish? Hahah

Also wow. "Brief." Really? That was brief? Geez. Oh hey, have some cute photos of the hubby bae and me!
https://prnt.sc/n9dste
https://prnt.sc/n9dsv5
https://prnt.sc/n9dswb

Augh bless this sweet, pure, veryvery tall boi. This guy stands at 6'5" HOOLLLLLLYYYYY MOTHER OF GOD. I LIKE MY MEN TALL. And sweet and mushy and innocent and quirky apparently

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Comments

  1. Suicune's Fire's Avatar
    Eeeee it's so good to have you back! :D For however long! xD But wowee, that is a big life update. I'm so happy for you. <3 You guys are super adorable as well. It's nice to finally find something that's sweet and that fits after bumps along the way.

    Also omg he is sooo tall. XD
  2. Noblejanobii's Avatar
    Hey I saw you were active on Deviantart again, glad to see you're back here too! Glad to hear things are starting to go well again. Probably because of the school wifi, the pictures ofc won't load for me, but I'm sure you two look very cute together!
  3. Pokemon Trainer Sarah's Avatar
    Welcome back Speedy! What a rollercoaster! Glad you're in a good place, you guys look super cute and happy together! :)
  4. Neo Emolga's Avatar
    SHE LIVES!!!

    Wow... holy crap you've been through a lot. My goodness, we've missed you, your cool and chill personally, and of course your amazing sprites! But it's great to see you again and I hope you can stick around now! :D

    Also, wow, you look really HOT! And you have such an awesome smile. :3
  5. Chakramaster's Avatar
    Been missing seeing you here on PXR, Speed! Glad to see ya return! Hopefully you can have the time to stick around a bit longer! Missed seeing your awesome sprite work and having your awesome personality here!

    It's awesome to hear your situation has gotten far better and glad to hear it! No one deserves to have so much stress weighing down on them. So enjoy all the good times and enjoy the little things in life that make you happy!
  6. Speed-X's Avatar
    @Suicune's Fire: Yeah, it really is. I've been through so much crap and it feels like things are finally looking up. Honestly, there's no better feeling. All the turmoil was worth it for all the lessons I learned from it. c:

    @Noblejanobii: Lol funny, I've been seeing your posts on Facebook myself. You look like you've been having fun! It makes me happy to see how much you've grown as a person. I remember when you first came here you had kinda a low self-esteem and were really shy. Now you're confident and all "out there" and I just love that! Just thought I'd let you know that lol

    @Pokemon Trainer Sarah: Rollercoaster indeed! I think it was worth it though. I just have to keep making improvements to myself and to my life and stop stagnating. Thank you, honestly I'm so lucky hahahah

    @Neo Emolga: Omg. Stop it you. Lol cool and chill, that's funny, I'm pretty insane nowadays. My boyfriend brought out my crazy side. Oh wait...well actually to you guys, I've always been crazy and off the walls. xD Sorta. I guess I've been more apt to show that side of myself to everyone else and it feels really good. I've been trying to be true to my personality lately and I'm a lot more happy as a result. I dunno how long I'll be here but I figured I'd stick around so I can keep in touch with you guys and whatnot.

    @Chakramaster: Thank you! I hope so too. ; v ; And yeah that's true, but honestly in retrospect I'm thankful because I'm a much better, wiser, more emotionally mature person as a result.
  7. Noblejanobii's Avatar
    @Speed-X Haha well thank you. Going to college and getting out of my house even for a little bit has helped me lots, I know that much.
  8. Chakramaster's Avatar
    @Speed-X Well that's good! I probably should follow suit, but still haven't had any luck at aaaaaallllllllll sadly. I try to stay hopeful and someone that's here for others, but not everyone cares for that. To know yourself that everything has gotten better and KNOW it's made you better as a person. Well, I'd say that's a large step up the ladder. And I'm glad to hear it's all looking like it's working out for you! :D