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Chakramaster

Getting thoughts out

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A small warning to those that don't like or can't take talk that may SEEM negative or thoughts in a way that bother someone else. If you can't take it or don't think it suits you, then click away. You have no reason to complain otherwise.

So with this small break I'm taking (though still making a post here and there). I've been trying to think some things out. Some tough, some nice and friendly, some more hurtful. It can be nice to take time to just sit back and contemplate things, but when the mind can't sit still or focus with everything going on. It's...challenging.

With work nothing has been changing. Nor have I heard anything back from looking around and seeking other jobs. I mean luckily I have it where my job currently is a set schedule with weekends off. Just with what I'm tasked isn't something just ONE person should handle. Store damages can not only be time consuming, but it can pile up (especially over weekends) and be pretty heavy items. Which other co-workers aren't always readily available to help move it when I need it moved. Oh and with this, they still want me to help run a register. 2+ OTHER backups every day and I'm usually the only one called. Which to me still doesn't make sense. I'm trying to keep my wits about me, but at least there was some different work for awhile today. Getting to move around a lot more today. Which I think I need with some of the back pains I've been getting around the base of my spine.

Financially I haven't been doing too well with everything I've had to keep up with in bills lately. I thought I was doing well, but with doctor visits, car bills, daily expenses, and surprise bills coming out of nowhere. It's getting challenging. Besides that, there's been drama happening in the family and with a few friends. Hasn't really been a break to it at all.

and I really didn't wanna have to go into this one, but I feel it's better to get it out. I know one or both of you may know this one already as it involves the highly anticipated, Stalkers here on the forum.

Even now I still have a hard time writing this cause I know it's supposed to be fun, I know. But after time and time of having issues with it in the past. It's just dragged me down. After first seeing it revealed for season 1 (pre-official release) and talking Neo's head off about it and wanting to help with season 2. Patiently for the end to message Neo about it and help with season 2 as I had been asked at the time cause I wanted to help build it up even further because it had so much potential. Only to be really let down that someone else jumped ahead of me and it was already started. Not to mention my lung re-collapsed soon after. Sure I got to with season 3, but it happened to fall at one of the most stressful times in the past couple of years for me. So I couldn't handle much of anything. Sure I have nothing to complain about with Season 4. It's Xanthe's turn to shine here and good on her! Wishing her the best in this fruit. It's just....time after time of being let down on wanting to have a real go at it kinda turns me down on seeing it. Especially after the events of the Season 2. Remember how bummed I seemed when you guys tried to hype me up about it? It's because of just how desperately I had wanted to be a part of the recreation into something much more....especially when it's something that was discussed to have me help out with and...well, now it'll never be. I know, I know it's a sore subject...and you don't need to explain again. Just imagine though, being told you can be a part of something. To become so excited for that chance and can't wait. Only for when that time comes you're told, "sorry, someone else and I started it and now you can't." It leaves a kind of...scar. It's a big reason as to why I participate...but RPing becomes so hard for me to try and do with it now.

There's other things that keep me a bit more bummed down...but those are more personal and won't push those out. At least not unless needed later on. I'll save those for another time.

For now I just had to get these out and again...I'm sorry if these come across wrongly or sound bad, but I needed to kinda get some thoughts out. I look for any bit of solace I can get from things right now going through a hard time. Anything to help bring that smile back to my face without having daily doubts or reasons to look down. Until then I'll keep trying my best. It's all I can do. I'll keep my chin up, but cheer is still kinda down right now.

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  1. Noel Emolga's Avatar
    Sorry to hear things with your job have been really overwhelming. I know you've been having a rough time with it lately and I was hoping something new and better would come along to pull you out of having to deal with the situation you're facing there. And I know bills and stuff like that can be painful as well.

    Hang in there, dude, things will get better.
  2. Pokemon Trainer Sarah's Avatar
    Sorry you've been having a hard time. Your work sounds very stressful. I hope things calm down soon or you're able to find another job. Sometimes it's definitely good to have a break. I know after a while I feel that little spark of excitement about an idea or something again, and I know I'm ready to come back. :) I'm sure the same will happen to you. You're always supporting everyone here a lot. I especially admire how great of a friend you are top Gem with all she been through. So now it's our turn to support you. It sounds like a sucky time right now but you have the strength to overcome it. You're such a kind and generous person and a hard worker as well. You can do anything you put your mind to. And you'll have so many more opportunities to shine in future! Keep fighting and you'll get there!
  3. Suicune's Fire's Avatar
    Sorry to hear about all your struggles, Chakra. =/ It sounds like you're having a really rough time. Maybe taking a break from PXR will be best, if you think it will help. Sometimes you have to focus on offline stuff.

    As for the Stalkers stuff, well, it is someone else's project, and they ultimately have the final say. I have a background in game design, writing and drawing digitally, which means I'm able to do everything on my own for making my own season or helping. Stalkers is a very specific type of development that needs all of those things to succeed. It's great to have ideas and suggestions, but that's not what development is about. At the end of the day, you're welcome to try your own project, but if someone created their own project and decides they don't want a dev team (I consider myself lucky that I was allowed on board, and honestly I would not have been able to dedicate all this time and effort if I had been employed these last few months), that's their call to make. You're great at running events too. But you have to understand that with stuff like this, you need to be able to cover all bases. Even just leaving graphics up to someone else means the other person has a higher workload, which just doesn't mesh too well. Then you have to start criss-crossing information and filling in for each other which is more work than someone doing it on their own.

    Honestly, if it makes you really depressed, I would recommend perhaps sitting it out. I really don't want you to feel bitter or upset while you're in it, because then there's really no point if you're not having fun. =/ Then it makes me feel awkward too, and neither of us are having a good time. I get that you're feeling let down, and I'm sorry. But really, if you want to develop something else, go ahead! Nothing is stopping you from making your own project, and I'm sure anything you came up with would be awesome.

    Anyway, like the others said, hang in there. Maybe try looking for another job because yours sounds pretty miserable. I've been there before and it's a dark road. Do what's best for you.
  4. Chakramaster's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Neo Emolga
    Sorry to hear things with your job have been really overwhelming. I know you've been having a rough time with it lately and I was hoping something new and better would come along to pull you out of having to deal with the situation you're facing there. And I know bills and stuff like that can be painful as well.

    Hang in there, dude, things will get better.
    Yeah it's just a whole lot of different things mixing together and it's....not been a good time. So anything to help pick me up. That's all I've been looking and hoping for. Thanks for the support/

    Quote Originally Posted by Pokemon Trainer Sarah
    Sorry you've been having a hard time. Your work sounds very stressful. I hope things calm down soon or you're able to find another job. Sometimes it's definitely good to have a break. I know after a while I feel that little spark of excitement about an idea or something again, and I know I'm ready to come back. :) I'm sure the same will happen to you. You're always supporting everyone here a lot. I especially admire how great of a friend you are top Gem with all she been through. So now it's our turn to support you. It sounds like a sucky time right now but you have the strength to overcome it. You're such a kind and generous person and a hard worker as well. You can do anything you put your mind to. And you'll have so many more opportunities to shine in future! Keep fighting and you'll get there!
    Thanks Sarah. It means a lot to me with the support. Yeah, the job thing could be going a lot better. Still hoping for the best soon. I think that'd one of my bad qualities.....and good. That no matter what I try to be here for my friends. Even if I'm in need of it too. It all just piles more stress on me when I need to just relax. I just....hate seeing my friends in a bad way cause it makes me feel worse. I just feel I need to try and be their smile in times of great need too.

    Gemma is special. Her and I became really close and good friends once we met. Almost couldn't stop us from trying to talk to the other to the point we're like"I have free international texting. Do you?" Aaaaaand well now you know where we've chat the most. xD She's been through a lot and I still wish I could help her out more. Sadly we're a world apart and she's got her bf to try and care for her when he feels like it.

    Thank you for the kind message and words of support, Sarah. It really means a lot to have such great friends and to help support me.