'Nora' the Lilligantaphipuaer
The Gracedia Order????? What's that?????
WHAT EVEN THE ACTUAL EXPLICITIVE
Affected RPers: I'M AN ANTISOCIAL JERKBAG
WHEEEEEEE
Nora was tipsy. So, so tipsyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
y
y
y
y
y
y
so so drunk it made her head spin round and round, and round and round, and round and round, but good goodness, it was so good! Where was she, again? She must be in Apholophi. Apholophi was a nice place this time of the millenium. And she was! Oh, yes, she was.
So many tasty-looking alarm clocks! But they all said the same time, 91:34! And that was bad, clearly everyone knows that wrappertime is much better at driving gyarados to backflip morose ninjuitisu alpaofu land. Taiya stroked her scales with a thoughtful, meaningful movement at this pertinent thought that would go down in the history books as the most important moment of all existence.
The bemused, wonderous Celebi skipped and hopped throughout the sea, talking to all the charming denizens of the world, including Shrek, who was still defending his swamp from all comers with an army of snakemen. Hi, Shrek! Oh, wait, no, that included her. Ah well! She reached out and ate the darnable snakemen in one bite! Nom. They smelled good. Shrek tore his own eyes out, ate his own body, and turned into a geodude at this. "Good madamiel, you have consumed my snakemen! I am afraid I must selfdestruct at your glorious incandecense." And he did immediately use pound as he said he would, turning into a rollercoaster that then crashed. Noriola stroked her tentacles aside, rolled her oculars, and ocular'd out of there. A wicked flower popped out of the ground and chanted, "Where's my son, where's my son!" was that Athena, trapped in that wretched bud? Oh, dearie! But there was nothing she could do. Lalalalala. Alalala.
The wonderous cloudy bastion of baotopuaer was soon upon her, the wonderous capital of-oh, right! Silly her, she had her maps downside right. She flipped them properly to leftside back-aiou and there we were, properly in Shingadinagodn. Shingadingagodn was nice this time of the millisecond. And even better the next five million! She pranced, sol
d acountry for 59q8 Violins, and used snixtiuyo-snoix to purchase perfection in a pill-a friggin' steal! she then just kind of takes eight more from the stall, unto which the stallman turns into an alarm, and then realizes that he's late. He's so terribly late. He grabs the nearest scythe and
Oh but enough of that! The ceaseless void of inifinothing could be had for another day! Or another person! She doffed her fedora upon the lovely example that was Roxxanne-Roxanne? Ricks-anne? Rocks-anne? Who even. She didn't. Off to Jurmiaaaaaaaaaa-
-WHAP!
Nora blinked. Right? She was Nora, right? That felt very not good. No, not at all. This felt different. Slightly more concrete than before, but not real all the same.
The absolute emptiness of dark color around her that seemed to make up everything in sight was, to say the least, absolutely creepy. A black net and only the dimmest flashes of muted color made up the background and it was downright pleasing that there was a bowling alley to stand upon that was nice, bright, wooden and very physical and real. So happy for that. It's the little things.
A backwards-looking water bottle appeared out of the nowhere, rising up like a whale to breach. Nora suddenly stopped-what was a whale? It didn't matter? It must matter, somehow! The water bottle clearly knew, but didn't care; it grew a blackboard upon its face, its fingers became chalk, and Nora was gripping her ears before she knew it, but the noise penetrated. That said, that wasn't so bad as while the motion was expected, the noise was an orchestra by a russian composer, jokingly attributed to a human in a post-apocalyptic wasteland known as Major Kalashnikov, and somehow played entirely by Brothers Koch and Heckler. Nora wondered why she knew what she knew but she knew it had to be important somehow. It must be. There is always a greater picture even if it is made of other pictures. The entity she now knew to be Heckoch spoke true, writing words upon the sky as it scratched the board away, a voice like a chorus roaring them at the void: "And thus it is, lowly thief, that you shall bear witness to it. This world is wretched and dead, and nothing saves it from its utter plunge into the Abyssal Realms, no better than Hell, or anywhere like it. You WRETCHED creatures of Xia are done, utterly, beyond saving. Know it!"
Nora raised her arm in protest and realized that this was not her arm nor her body, but she also did not care. "Utterly done? Utterly done? Such depraved, hopeless, despair-induced action that you lot that call yourselves Star-Crowned now take! Truly the lords of sin have won this day that even you, Justice, would abandon us!" Nora realized that she was not Nora, nor the being she believed herself to be, but a third-her voice was not her own and her voice was a chorus of thousands like his own, and she did not move her mouth but rather move the air. "I dare you-what be next? Slaughter of our people? Do we truly deserve it? Are we without the ability to change, like those before? And dare you judge this harshly?"
"It is not my judgement that makes this decision-I am naught but an enforcer and I am here to enforce this judgement. We shan't corrupt you nor destroy you-such would be vile. The oblivion that may be sent, would be no better than what the Evil One promises its followers! But you, thief-the divine ones have use of you yet! Come, be ascended, in rapturous glory, if you would be so wise," the thing that was not Heckoch the water bottle insisted.
The thing that was not Nora recoiled. Nora felt dissonant, but somehow, something about that enraged her. "You have made folly, then, to deem us so beyond saving. I will remain-and if need be I shall resist thee to the last of my years to do so! I do not claim the power to change all things-but naught but a few flecks of innocence, surely it may be so, and surely it would prove the pitiful ones on-high as to their cowardice."
The water bottle ripped off its chalkboard, a newfound maw replacing it. It still did not move. Nora felt more herself now. "... This place, it has long memory. Long. You felt it too, then, orphan-thief, did you not?"
"...What is even going on?" Nora said in a voice that was still not her own, but one she did not object to.
"It is a dream to you, and to I, so I suppose that's it. These pins, they live." The water bottle said, pointing to the end of the lane. Blood-red pins stood where they were not before, chattering, inanely stating their hopes of the many motives Nora had heard for crime and poverty and wretchedness before. Somehow they hurt her to hear now, as if some part of her expected something better. "What do you make of it? Do you feel this betrayal of innocence as I?" Nora nodded in response. "Ah, good, then... I am in the wrong place, but I come with the right advice."
"... What advice?"
"There are two strangers-the one I have just met and the other I seek. And I come to you in the dead of night in the most deepest of places to give the other horrific knowledge that applies, quite pertinently, to you as well."
"And that is?"
The Water Bottle shifted-and Nora swore that the shape was of remarkable familiarity, just not one in a way she truly recalled. Something came up, like a flag-something... Familial?
"... I do not know your name. I pity that, for I know something far worse. Let us put it into metaphor, though."
A ball descends from the heavens, black and leaden like a bullet. "This terrible tool, this horrific thing, this new symbol of the reaper; it shall be forced upon these pins, these pitiful, wretched pins, seven times in total. These are the second set of the seven, the first you laid witness to before. You will not likewise witness the seventh. By the seventh, you shall instead be amongst them. Then the real steps may be taken."
Nora raised her eyebrow. "Are you saying-"
The wood itself raised in objection, forcing upwards to gently close Nora's mouth. The world whispered, "not here." Nora could do naught but obey.
"I am not saying, no. There is yet a falsehood to that statement. Your umbra shall remain your umbra, though. Indeed, if anything you shall not lose so much as you shall gain... "
Nora's eyes caught something to the other side of the world, away from the pins and away into infinte blackness. From nowhere a storm of lightbulbs approached, fast, fluttering, flying things strung up to chains and made to fly against their will. The Water bottle shuddered back into being a water bottle. "Alas. No further meetings from I shall we have, and I wish naught. You shall be good-great, even. What you do yet has power, and I may say that some could say that you yet may be the key to utter usurption. And to do that... My last advice... Yes, do something impossible to best serve. And while we're at it-ah, ah, I can't. I'm sorry, not that. My time is up. Adios, and may your future endeavors be as fruitful as the sky, time-wanderer."
Time-wanderer? This must be a mistake. Nora-this wasn't entirely fake, nor real. Perhaps this one was-but that would mean-Nora looked down at her hands, her hands, her hands!
They were her hands, as they had always been, and Nora was somewhere else now, somewhere else, somewhere relaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawhat the actual rut
why did that thing have three heads
why was it gold
why was it portal
why was it radiation
she asked and she kept asking but none of those three heads gave her any response even as a floating three and a trippy background backgrounded up to the background of backgrounds in bacgroundiaaallaa
but she got something else
she got that
this
thing
was
friggin
ggggggggggggeeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuurrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeee
o
u
W E L C O M E T O T H E N I G H T M A R E T H E A T R E
The most magnificent fights of madness and malice happen nowhere else!
Our unfortunate contestant today: NORA NAHLAVHAI! And our beloved first beast, slayer of countless imbeciles-provided by our most generous master of festivities, TwinHpiouioapeuriouiopauperapiopioaruepopapoapapaa aa-the modern post-apocalyptic sci-fi shooting cerberus of our present yesterdaymorrow-
HHHHHHORRORIER!
Nora had a last name? Nora had a gun? Nora had unlimited ammo? Nora was missing her fake tooth? Nora was a quadr
The rules of our most magnificent medley of murderous mosaics have not been altered in any meaningful way! Our magnificent beast has but until our contestant wakes up to eliminate her! By the most magnificent machinations of our Elm Street Executioner Freddy Kreuger, there shall be no retries for our contestant-it is truly do, or be done!
Nora knew that Freedy Kreuger was some horror movie icon who didn't exist but probably existed because this is a dream and dreams are weird and what even is this place at all and why does this guy like his m sounds Nora only wanted to visit friggin Apholophi. Say hello to the Bridge of Invention and Velocity, ask them how Jones and Rachel were doing and wondering if she could
Nora did not know did not know did not know did not know did not know
but she knew
and she understood
that this thing
was a
I I G I I
F O E I I
I F O E I
I I U I I
I I R I I
X I G I X
F O E I X
I F O E X
X I U I X
I I S I I
ii-iFOE-iFOE-ii-xi-nFOE-nFOE-xi-ii
SCENE ORDER:
N O R A: 1 4 H P / 1 4 H P
H H H H H H O R R O R I E R: 6 6 H P / 6 6 H P
> N O R A
IRRUPT | INGENUITE | INVALIDATE | ISSUE | IMPOSTURE | IMPROMPTU
X|||||
N O R A fires SANGUINE at H H H H H H O R R O R I E R !
Random rolls 4 out of 20! N O R A hits!
4 damage to H H H H H H O R R O R I E R!
> H H H H H H O R R O R I E R
H H H H H H O R R O R I E R would like to show you his LITTLE FRIENDS. ALL THREE OF THEM. BAMBAMBAM!
Random rolls 19! 15! 1! Hit! Miss! ROYAL EFF-UP! H H H H H H O R R O R I E R hits himself!
1 damage to N O R A! 2 damage to H H H H H H O R R O R I E R!
A strong opening! Can HHHHHHORRORIER capitalize to start taking down Nora, or will we see the first contender victory in over 19080814246 seconds?!
SCENE ORDER:
N O R A: 1 3 H P / 1 4 H P
H H H H H H O R R O R I E R: 6 0 H P / 6 6 H P
> N O R A
IRRUPT | INGENUITE | INVALIDATE | ISSUE | IMPOSTURE | IMPROMPTU
|X||||
BACK | BLAZE IT | QUIVER DANCE | PETAL DANCE | GIGA DRAIN | ATTRACT | SLEEP POWDER | TOXIC | HEALING WISH |
|||X||||||
BACK | BLAZE IT | QUIVER DANCE | PETAL DANCE | GIGA DRAIN | ATTRACT | SLEEP POWDER | TOXIC | HEALING WISH | INITIATE
||||||||||X
N O R A sways her hips from side to side-and sways them RIGHT INTO H H H H H H O R R O R I E R'S FRIGGIN FACE AW YEAH
Random rolls 7, 16, 12! Hit! Hit! Hit!
2 damage to H H H H H H O R R O R I E R! 11 damage to H H H H H H O R R O R I E R! 2 damage to H H H H H H O R R O R I E R!
N O R A is doing all of this at 29/16ths with occasional 7/13ths! You try saying your tempo is queerer than Nora's!
> H H H H H H O R R O R I E R
H H H H H H O R R O R I E R Breathes his NUCLEAR BREATH directly at N O R A!
Random rolls 15! Miss!
WHAT IS THIS?! My tyrannical devil, someone has actually dodged the nuclear breath! What a show! Will our insane contestant continue to get lucky streaks with her-what the actual explicitive is this speed stat?! Who is this abomination!?
SCENE ORDER:
N O R A ?: 1 3 H P / 1 4 H P
H H H H H H O R R O R I E R: 4 5 H P / 6 6 H P
> N O R A ?
IRRUPT | INGENUITE | INVALIDATE | ISSUE | IMPOSTURE | IMPROMPTU
|||X||
BACK | SANGUINE | THE FANGS OF THE DEVOURER | INFINITY HEADBAND | |
||||X
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
WHO GAVE YOU THAT
YOU FOOL
IT IS FORBIDDEN
IT KILLS WORLDS
IT KILLS MINDS
IT KILLS ALL
BUT MOST OF ALL, IT KILLS YOU
ONLY A TRULY IGNORANT FOOL WOULD USE IT
NO
BACK | SANGUINE | THE FANGS OF THE DEVOURER | INFINITY HEADBAND | |
||X|||
SMART WOMAN.
N O R A ? ? ? ? ? ? gives the dog a WALK. In the PARK. The PARK is H H H H H H O R R O R I E R's faces, the WALK was a 5-minute commute through a lovely flower garden.
Random rolled 12! 1! DEVOURED MISFORTUNE! 1 changes to 20!
12 damage to H H H H H H O R R O R I E R! 28 CRITICAL damage to H H H H H H O R R O R I E R!
H H H H H H O R R O R I E R's EXCESSIVE WOUNDS prohibit action! N O R A ? ? ? ? ? ? gains TAKE TWO!
...That's enough! How does fortune favor you so utterly?! What freak of nature must this thing be?! I cannot fathom the probability of-
"Hello, that was ultra easy? It's a dream, you idiot!" Nora protested, but at this protest it was all over with the sudden apperance of a boulder crushing H H H H H H O R R O R I E R into conponent radiating particles. Victory was to N O R A-err, Nora.
How very, very rude! But I suppose such arrogance is justified with such undue chance! No-one had defeated H H H H H H O R R O R I E R in fair combat, and as you would have died instantly upon cheating-I must admit it, I must declare it, thou art our first, our very first, contestant winner! See you tomorrow night, you wretched onion thing.
Wretched onion thing? Nora didn't look like an onion.
Nora wasn't an onion.
That was stupid. This post is stupid. Why are you reading this at 2:11 in the morning?! No-one's awake at this time!
You're saying you're not awake at 2:11 in the morning when you read this? Well, then, it must be said to thee-Uioppaudfioafuadifofadiiafiodfuoadfaiofdaiodfudfdu iobafuidufiyf8iyuiqioeruioqdiuapaioduadguadguadguo adyfeyri8qeytioqugioadugaudguadgouaduadgadioguadgi eioqeuduifodfidfiafe7r891457tiu41oiutioaduf60oadfu ioaufi14idguvpi;alrghjiqoty8q87adfuj;DFJIOf7u8ogup o;uodusjkldfoiYF987QWT9O1IU4J5ILJDGKLudpof7F98UER7 4UTHOjfh;D8I7AGR8WT'HJGQ'PFG7sdv7y'duRG-]QR[G\
FDGA[DY89ADF9[QWTUQ78UAODJODVJ
and Nora was thus sucking the finest lollipops known to Lilligant, of which, now, there were only two because Taiya demanded them all to be turned into lovely grow-drops for the crowns of herself and her lovely relative Nora. Because Nora was definitely Taiya's relative. This was shocking to no-one. Their totally different apperances and last names were red herrings to make you think otherwise, and a convoluted backstory explamation that would give reason to both of these was the case, which we need not refer to because it's already true, so why bother? Have a crumpet.
I said, have a crumpet.
"I would love a Crumpet!"
Not you. Them.
"Who?"
Nora, why must you be so utterly ignorant? Would you let a tragedy happen on your watch for a lack of focus? Art thou to betray thy oaths and be unprepared?
"...For what?"
I find your lack of knowledge so utterly insulting, but I cannot be complicit in thy absense of knowledge. Certainly it is due to the presence of , so thus it must be that death is a ruse, Wikipedia a liar, and all matters utterly obfsucated in the matter of keys and locks. Should it be such that your attunement fails thy palette and you cannot work around the all-consuming wrath around you, just look for the signs. It'll be OK. For you. The rest won't know what to do and they'll just line up to die.
"..."
You really are clueless.
"Yep. Kind of implicit in the job."
Thy humility is not to thy service here!
"Right back at you, hollow-arm!"
Proof of further ignorance! No wonder thou have such a wretched thing bound to you! But I must wonder why? And why must even I wonder... Perhaps, then, it is as irrelevant as it appears, which it always is. No matter, then! At least some semblance of a closure, in some measure of reality.
...
And thus Nora was politely moved to the privacy and relative quiet of the bathtub in the Anticassamar room that the female GIA agents were sleeping at, Room 927 at the 9th floor, where nothing of note had happened other than her immensely loud sleep-talking, which had kept her roomates up to that point. Nora's loud sleep-talking continued without pause for the rest of the night as it had before her move, but it was contained within the bathroom, enough for the other two, who took all of this merely as a sign of stress, and saved all mentions of keys and pianos and these knives and that kingdom and those pins as signs of of a drunken, tired mind.
They hoped it was-though they did not realize that it was hope that they had thought, and not certainty.
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