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  1. #21
    The Queen of Shaymin
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    Okay @Suicune's Fire here we go!

    We went from Jubilife to Orburgh today
    You forgot the "e" in Oreburgh! You only did it the one time though so it's no big deal.

    but consequently the lack of cooperation seemed to remain the same or even increase.
    You need a comma after "consequently".

    That was all I found so great job! Since these two errors were minor I'm going to give you a 15/15!

    It was great to read Kinnie's perspective again. With your recent post in GCEA as well, I'm interested to see how Kinnie will handle the discourse in the group, especially since she's expressed here that she isn't a huge fan of it.
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  2. #22
    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    Okay @Suicune's Fire here we go!

    You forgot the "e" in Oreburgh! You only did it the one time though so it's no big deal.

    You need a comma after "consequently".

    That was all I found so great job! Since these two errors were minor I'm going to give you a 15/15!

    It was great to read Kinnie's perspective again. With your recent post in GCEA as well, I'm interested to see how Kinnie will handle the discourse in the group, especially since she's expressed here that she isn't a huge fan of it.
    I AM HORRIFIED! Thank you. XD I somehow knew I made that typo but then didn't register it well enough to go back and change it ahaha. Thanks boo.

    Thanks! :D Me too, honestly. XD

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  4. #23
    Gym Leader AWA1997's Avatar
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    GCEA version: Platinum
    Trainer Name: Tony Joy
    Link to stats: Signature
    Word Count: 507

    March 6, 2028

    Well, I guess now is a good time to start my travel journal. Today was my second day traveling the world. Unfortunately, it isn't my world. I do not know who will read this, though hopefully it will be my family when I get back home. I currently don't know how or why, but I've been pulled into not only a different region, specifically going from Hoenn to Sinnoh, but into a different universe, as have several other people, and none of us know how to get home. The only lead we have is a hunch from the professor of this region.

    I have not had a chance to speak with most of the people I'm stuck here with, but most of them seem friendly at least. There's some tension between a few of them, but that's to be expected when a group is cobbled together without people knowing one another. The only people I've really had a conversation with is the group leader, Sophie, though I have exchanged a few words with the others, just... not much. The only thing I'm not particularly fond of so far, aside from the tension, is my role. I'm supposed to be the team doctor, but I have almost no experience with anything along those lines. I've taken care of a kid who is now nine and that's it, I don't know if I'm ready for this kind of responsibility, not for a group this large.

    On a lighter note, I am actually getting to have a pokemon journey like I'd always hoped. Professor Rowan gave me a Chimchar, the fire-type starter, and so far I have caught four pokemon not native to Hoenn, known as Shinx, Starly, Bidoof, and Kricketot, as well as one pokemon that I did actually recognize, being Zubat. Honestly, not a bad group, though fairly weak when set against rock- and ground-types

    As for what each day has entailed so far, it has been insane. Yesterday, I woke up in the freezing cold in Twinleaf Town where I met some of the new members of the group while we were all confused about our situation. During that time we managed to get caught up in the dealings of a Team Magma-esque group and drew the attention of Professor Rowan, who sheltered us for the night. Today we made our way from Sandgem Town, where Professor Rowan lives, to Jubilife City. There we got what appears to be a more advanced version of the pokenav to help us on our journey. Afterwards we made our way north to Oreburgh City, and barely got into town before nightfall. This is where the Sinnoh region’s first gym is, and I’m planning on challenging the gym tomorrow morning.

    Frankly, I'm nervous about that challenge as I haven't done much training. Hopefully I can get some decent training in tomorrow and, at the very least, put up a good fight. And on that note, I'm going to head to bed so that I can be up early enough to try.

  5. #24
    The Queen of Shaymin
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    Alright let's do this!

    Spoiler:
    I do not know who will read this, though hopefully it will be my family when I get back home.
    You need a comma after "hopefully".

    Afterwards we made our way north
    Need a comma here.

    [quote]north to Oreburgh City,[quote]

    Don't need a comma here

    Hopefully I can get some decent training in tomorrow
    Need a comma here


    Overall not a bad entry @AWA1997 only a few comma mistakes! And commas are tricky little things so you won't be penalized all that harshly. Overall, while he's had little to say thus far, getting to see him collect his thoughts a bit does help us get some insight into Tony's personality. Hope to see more from him in the game and in the journals here!

    14/15
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  6. #25
    Gym Leader AWA1997's Avatar
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    It’s always the commas. I swear those things are my downfall.

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  8. #26
    The Queen of Shaymin
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    Quote Originally Posted by AWA1997 View Post
    It’s always the commas. I swear those things are my downfall.
    They are sooo tricky, I mean look at my last entry I mess them up a lot too. So I try not to take off too heavily for them.
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  9. #27
    Ace Trainer Lychee's Avatar
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    GCEA version: Platinum
    Trainer Name: Palila Rae
    Link to stats: http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/for...083-Palila-Rae
    Word Count: 624


    File: IfIdie.mp3
    Now recording.....

    The sound of breaking twigs and leaves crunching underfoot can he heard through the speaker of a tiny device. It sounds like the voice of a young female- although it is difficult to tell because they aren't speaking clearly. Their voice is whispered, harsh with the ragged breath of someone who has been running and probably still is. Some parts are rushed, or devolve into sudden silence as the sound of footsteps becomes more frantic. Whoever made this recording was probably running through a forest at the time. There's a sense of danger and urgency.

    "If I die- If anyone finds my poketch in the woods, please know what happened. I don't know if I'm going to survive. I don't know who else is going to survive. I don't know how many people have been killed, but I saw one."

    At this point the voice chokes up and there is a rough noise, as though whoever is making the recording has had to wipe the microphone on some fabric.

    "I saw someone die today. I don't really know who he was. He was young. He was about the age of my little brother. I can't."

    Another break of silence, and then a deep breath.

    "Pull yourself together Pali. Okay. I'm Palila Rae. I'm running through the forest, fleeing for my life. There are... There WERE at least 5 of us. Young trainers. Just starting our adventures, I assume. We got pulled through portals from our own worlds to this one. I grew up in Alola. I'm in Sinnoh now, and I don't know anything about this land. I don't even know the streets of the city I'm running for."

    There is a noise of a branch cracking, and the voice drops to silence for a while, footsteps pounding.
    When the voice continues, it sounds like she's thought more carefully about what to say.

    "We were getting help from a Professor here in Sinnoh. We went to Oreburgh and beat the gym leader there. People know of us. We exist. Even if you can't find my name on a trainer card, or a roster, I exist. We have interacted with people, and if we all go missing here on Route 203, I hope they'll come looking for us. I hope they won't meet the same fate as-"

    The voice chokes up again, but only for a second.

    "-as the people and pokemon here today. Melted. A man with a metal arm found us while we were travelling. He shot at us. We tried to fight his pokemon, but it was... it was a monster."

    A break in the monologue as the speaker takes a long, ragged breath.

    "He says it's his job to rid this world of all those who came to it by the portals. We didn't choose this! We all just want to get home too. Sophie Reed and the Professor and Amy Risa all seem to believe we can be sent home eventually. His solution was to kill anyone who seemed to be from another world. Does that mean he'll kill me? Does he know I'm from another world? How can he tell? Is he a wanted fugitive here?"

    The footsteps seemed to be slowing now, and the speaker seemed to gain some resolve.

    "I've got to go to the police. Where else can I go? We are just kids. We can't fight this man. I can't protect anyone. I thought if I became a stronger battler I could protect people. That isn't possible. Not yet. I couldn't protect anyone. We couldn't even do it as a team. He killed a kid today, in front of me."

    She takes a deep breath.

    "Right in front of me."


    File end.

  10. #28
    The Queen of Shaymin
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    I love your style for this @Lychee because it's very unique and great interpretation of the journal log style. Love love love it! In addition to that, I love the panic that this whole piece gives. Palila's thoughts are very clear and even though she barely comments on her others, that's not the point of the log. To me it appears like she's trying to leave behind some sort of memory of herself for someone to find if she dies, and thus rightfully so the entire focus of this entry is on her and her thoughts. Very very well done. I love it.

    And good news, only one mistake!

    At this point the voice chokes up
    You just need a comma here.

    Given the quality of the entry and the overall lack of mistakes I'm giving you a 15/15. Great work!
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  12. #29
    Original GCEA Member brandon_g's Avatar
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    GCEA version: Galactic Diamond
    Trainer Name: Brandon "Knuckles" Smith
    Link to stats: In Stats
    Word Count: 2382

    Spoiler:
    How I met my friend
    By Brandon “Knuckles” Smith

    I met my only friend at a Juvenile detention center a few years back. I was in there for beating up 3 older students for their lunch money. The judge had come down hard on me, due to my prior convictions for similar offenses, I got sentenced to six months. This was the longest stint I was ever sentenced to in my life so far, and I wasn’t happy about it. I cursed at the judge as they cuffed me and tried to escort me out of the courtroom. It ended up taking them eight bailiffs to get me out of the courthouse and into the van. Once I arrived at the detention center, I set up my usual tough guy persona. In those centers, you better be tough if you don’t want to get bothered. My first day in, I fought three kids who tried to take my lunch. The kids ended up in the infirmary for over two days, while I only got a black eye and swollen cheek. After that, I was either respected or feared by the other kids in the detention center. None of them dared to give me a mean look, let alone lay a finger on me.

    Within my first month in the detention center, I was practically running the place. When I was extra hungry, I took other kid’s meals from them. Most just gave me their meals with no resistance, but every now and then some new kid would try to fight me off, probably to try to prove they were tough or something, but every time I easily beat the little pimple invested twerps. Even the guards were scared were scared of me, they didn’t come near me unless they had to. When they did come near me, they always came in a pack of three or four of them, and always at least one of them brought a stun stick. They learned very early on in my stay that I was not one to go down without a fight. My first week in, some young, probably newbie, guard decided to be a smart a** and mouth off at me when telling me to go back to my room. I attacked the guard and didn’t stop hitting him until 30 other guards showed up and beat me with stun sticks and threw me in the hole. By then though, I had given him such a bad beat down, that he had to be taken out on a stretcher. I got two weeks in the hole for that incident, but it was worth it. Not only did the guards no longer mess with me, but most of the other kids were petrified of me. As result of that very fight, I ate very well. I would steal two or more trays a meal, kids would basically hand them to me to avoid a pounding. I was the king of not only my pod, but of almost the entire detention center, and I wasn’t even two months into my stay.

    Over the next two months, I lived more like a king, than an inmate. Anything I wanted, I had and no one would stop me from getting what I wanted. If I wanted more food, I got more food. If I wanted to watch a certain tv show, I watched that tv show. Heck, I even managed to get my own cell. To ensure the new arrivals knew that I was the boss, I would call over one of the kids I sent to the infirmary on my first day and have them show the twerps their scars and missing teeth from the incident. I would then lay down the rules of ‘my’ pod and what the ‘consequences’ were if you broke one of my rules. In case you’re wondering, the ‘consequences’ were a beat down by yours truly. I also designated two or three ‘enforcers’ to dish out consequences if I didn’t feel like doing it myself. After the first couple weeks of my ‘reign’, not a single kid in there wanted to be on my bad side and I even had kids fighting each other to prove to me they were worthy of being an ‘enforcer’. This sentence was turning out to be more like a vacation then a punishment for me.

    In my fifth month there, there was a new kid who entered the pod, the kid was short and bald. I knew the kid was gonna have a rough time there, nonetheless I gave him my intake ritual, just like I did to any other kid. The kid understood and left me alone, however, he did get into a few fights with kids who called him ‘Baldy’. The kid took offense to it apparently and shoved a few a kids around. The kid got beat up pretty bad by one of the older kids and was sent to the infirmary over it. That’s what you get when you try to act like a tough guy and didn’t have the size or strength to back it up. After that fight, when the kid got out of the infirmary, he was desperate to get out of there. One day, while on the ‘rec yard’, he tried to escape by running up to the barbed wired fence and trying to climb it. The kid didn’t make it a quarter of the way up the fence before the guards were on top of him like cats on a mouse. The kid was hauled off to the hole for a week over the escape attempt and the entire pod was locked down. That meant we had to stay in our cells all day except for a couple hours a day where w= were let out to eat, shower and watch 10 mins of tv, then it was back to their cells until the next meal. I started to hear rumors from the other kids in the pod about how much they hated that kid and about how they were going to kick his a** when he got out of the hole. I knew he had to be punished for what he did, but I kind of liked the kid. He had more balls than 90 percent of the whimps in this place. I respected that about him, however, the kid would still have to pay for his actions. If I didn’t punish him, I would have lost all respect and had to have started my reign all over. I did, however, order my enforcers to go easy on the kid and to not send him to the infirmary.

    The lockdown was lifted a day before the kid was released from the hole. Kids were angry at Baldy, very angry. I had to call a ‘meeting’ in the rec room, telling everyone that I would handle it. If anyone other then my crew got to the kid, it wouldn’t be pretty. It would turn out that I was right. The next day, the kid was released from the hole. Within minutes, he was being surrounded by the other kids in the pod, every single one of them full of anger and hate for getting us put on lockdown. I had to have my enforcers do something before the rest of the pod jumped the kid. I reminded my enforcers to go easy on the kid, then ordered them to begin the ‘punishment’. My enforcers nodded and cornered the kid into a corner and began kicking him repeatedly. Within seconds, three other kids, who weren’t in my crew came over and starting punching the kid in the face and throwing him into the wall. I knew had I to stop this before the kid got too badly hurt. I walked towards the corner and shouted “THAT’S ENOUGH! BACK OFF OF HIM!”. When no one listened to me and kept beating the poor kid, I got really angry. No one disrespected my authority like that, especially not members of my own crew. I ran over and grabbed my two enforcers by their shirts and threw them into the wall. I then grabbed another kid by his shirt and threw him into the opposite the wall. When one of the two remaining kids turned and swung at me, I punched him four times in the face and kicked him in the groin. He keeled over in pain and then I shoved him into the wall too. I then went over to the third kid and pushed off him off Baldy. The kid tried to swing at me too, actually hitting me in the face hard. This made me 10 times angrier, so I punched him five or six times in the face, when the kid fell to the ground holding his face, blood already gushing from his nose and lips, I picked him up and body slammed him onto the ground with all my might. The kid was knocked out cold the second he hit the floor. The other kids now backed off and threw up their hands, not wanting me to body slam them as well. As 20 or so guards rushed over to see what was going on, I shouted out to everyone “BALDY HERE IS NOW UNDER MY PROTECTION. IF I FIND OUT ANYONE SO MUCH AS LAYS A FINGER ON HIM, THEY WILL BE DEALING WITH ME!”. He knew he was risking losing the respect of the pod by protecting the kid who gotten us all on lockdown, but I felt I had to. They would never leave the kid alone otherwise. Right as I finished screaming that out, the guards reached me and hit me with their stun sticks, not even taking the risk of trying to fight with me while I was so enraged. After being stunned two or three times, they double cuffed me and took me off to the hole, along with the five other kids involved in the attack.

    I got out of the hole two weeks later. I immediately went to see the two enforcers who had disobeyed me during the Baldy beating. I, along with three of my other enforcers, ordered them into one of the blind spots where the cameras could not see us and then I beat them both. After I finished, I said to them “You ever disobey me like that again, I will see to it you don’t leave the infirmary for a month. Also, when the po po ask what happened, you tell em you tripped, do understand me?” The kids nodded silently and then me and my crew left to go back to the main rec room. I found Baldy, with one of my crew that I had assigned to protect him while I was in the hole. I said to the boy “So what’s your name Baldy?” The kid looked me in the eyes and said nervously “Oberon”. I held out my hand to shake his hand (something I rarely do and only do for people I greatly respect) and told him “As you know, I’m Knuckles, but my real name is Brandon” as I shook the kid’s hand I continued “That was some stunt you pulled in the rec yard a few weeks ago, that took guts. I respect you for that”. As we talked one of the kids from the fight walked by and shot us a menacing look, one of my enforcers told him to keep moving and the kid did. Oberon said “Thanks man, and I am sorry that I caused you guys to be locked down, but I just couldn’t take it here anymore.” I said in response “Don’t worry about it man, all is forgiven. How much extra time they give you for that stunt anyway?” He answered saying “A month, I was supposed to be getting released this week actually, instead I won’t get out of here until next month now”. I understood how it felt to have your sentence extended, after I beat that guard my first week in, they added another month to my sentence, making it a total of seven months. I nodded my head at Oberon and said “Ah gotcha… I also get out of here in a month, so we should be released around the same time, until then, you will remain one of my people, anyone bothers you, you let me know and I will take care of it”. I meant it to. Oberon said, then the guards called lunchtime and we all went over and got in line to get chow.

    A month flew by pretty fast. Luckily my reign had held up despite protecting what the pod considered for awhile as public enemy number one. I made Oberon my right-hand man for the rest of our time there. I got him extra meals and tv time and we continued to grow closer the more we talked. We both told each other a little bit about our lives, I explained how I lived with my uncle, but that I was never there because I always ran away. He explained how he was abandoned and left outside a fire station when he was just a baby. I wondered what kind of monster would abandon their child like that. I swore if I ever found Oberon’s real parents, I would beat them up for that. He also explained how he was here for robbing a store just to impress a girl. This made my respect for him grow even more. By the time release day rolled around, we were both friends. He was and still is my only true friend. I was released two days before him, but on my last day at the detention center, we exchanged phone numbers and addresses and promised to keep in touch. That was a promise that was kept, we continue to be great friends and together we have committed many petty crimes. Oberon is the brains; I am the muscle. We work together, but he sometimes gets annoyed at my sometimes-reckless behavior. This relationship continues in this manner today, as we work together to complete missions for Mars and Team Galactic. And that’s the story how I met my one and only friend.
    The all new and improved Broadcasting Duo is here! We have a new banner, a new look and still more great improvements to come! What are you waiting for? Come on over and check us out! We promise, you won't be disappointed!
    www.broadcastingduo.com


    __________________________________________________ ________________________
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    Decimation Blue
    Galactic Diamond

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  14. #30
    Mistakes first, the rest second!
    Quote Originally Posted by brandon_g View Post
    When I was extra hungry, I took other kid’s meals from them.
    When you're referring to multiple things, the apostrophe goes after the s. This should be, "I took the other kids' meals." Because there are multiple kids. Not one kid whose meal was taken.

    Quote Originally Posted by brandon_g View Post
    but every time I easily beat the little pimple invested twerps.
    This should be "pimple-infested." Invested and infested are separate words.

    Quote Originally Posted by brandon_g View Post
    Even the guards were scared were scared of me, they didn’t come near me unless they had to.
    You repeated "were scared" here.

    Quote Originally Posted by brandon_g View Post
    This sentence was turning out to be more like a vacation then a punishment for me.
    This should be "than." There is a crucial difference between "then" and "than" and in this instance, it should be "than." The word "than" is used when making comparisons, such as, "More like a vacation than a punishment," whereas "then" is used when referring to time, such as, "It was back then," or other contexts. Make sure you don't confuse the two.

    Quote Originally Posted by brandon_g View Post
    That meant we had to stay in our cells all day except for a couple hours a day where w= were let out to eat,
    Random = sign in the middle of this sentence.

    Quote Originally Posted by brandon_g View Post
    If anyone other then my crew got to the kid, it wouldn’t be pretty.
    Again, the wrong use of "then."

    Quote Originally Posted by brandon_g View Post
    I walked towards the corner and shouted “THAT’S ENOUGH! BACK OFF OF HIM!”.
    Two things here: before speech, you need punctuation such as a comma. So at the end of "shouted" there should be a comma. Additionally, you never, ever put a full stop after speech. The punctuation used at the end of the speech ends the whole sentence, so you do not add extra punctuation after it.

    Quote Originally Posted by brandon_g View Post
    Oberon said “Thanks man, and I am sorry that I caused you guys to be locked down, but I just couldn’t take it here anymore.” I said in response “Don’t worry about it man, all is forgiven.
    Again with commas, and also, two characters shouldn't be speaking on the same line. This is more for stories, so this is subjective in the case of a journal entry such as this.

    Quote Originally Posted by brandon_g View Post
    I meant it to.
    The "to" here should be "too."

    Quote Originally Posted by brandon_g View Post
    I wondered what kind of monster would abandon their child like that.
    This is kind of funny to me because Knuckles/Brandon is a monster, and he's judging other people for also doing horrible things. xD But I like how he's completely blind to that; it's interesting.

    There were many more grammatical mistakes, but picking out all of them would have taken longer and I'm not sure how much you'd want me to do that. Things like commas, using lowercase "tv" instead of "TV," and repeated offences of things I listed here already. A few of these things could have been caught if you proof-read it more, such as the = sign and the sentence where you repeated two words. But some of them were things you might not know, so I hope I helped clear some things up. The other thing is, it was in huge chunks of writing and it's easy to lose one's place when formatted like that. I would suggest spacing it out into smaller paragraphs so it's easier for the grader to read.

    Anyway, wow, Brandon is a violent person. It's really disturbing to read about someone who likes violence or doesn't see anything wrong with it. He's exactly the type of person who should be in jail and stay there. XD I really hope that I get to see some character development over the course of his journals, as I won't be in Galactic Platinum. I felt like some of these things like the number of guards needed to hold him down and getting his way with the guards was a little unrealistic. I believed the dynamic between him and the other inmates given that he's supposed to be massive, but the guards have weapons, and are meant to be highly trained...so unless he had something valuable to them, it seemed a little stretched, but that's just me.

    You did a good job writing the journal, and I think there's a lot of room for character development with this character. :) I'm curious to see where you go with it!

    12/15 total!

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