King of the Hill!

[Neo Emolga]

My homing beacon that I left on the hill, a pink lollipop that you didn't suspect was a magical device created by yours truly, leads me to the new hill location. I find you have eaten my marshmallows and I consider this a blasphemous act of crime and doom that must be immediately addressed.

I first attack you with POKEY PEN, which is extra prickly and inky and covers with you with a bizarre mix of red, blue, and black ink. It messed up your clothes permanently, although I am not aware of what you're currently wearing. This is followed by Corgi Attack, where you are relentlessly assaulted by platoons of Corgi puppies that cause massive damage to you, but you find yourself unable to respond because they're just too darn cute to attack. Your defense has fallen to [REDACTED] and you find yourself unable to move. I take advantage of this by attacking you with KAWAII ANIME SWORD ^_^ that completely shatters the little that remains of your defenses and lowers your health bar to black. This launches you into the LGS 3 galaxy, upon Planet Duper, where they don't understand your language and you find your luggage ended up all the way over in IC 1613.

I use a giant fan to blow all your junk off of the hill and reclaim it for myself. I set up a much nicer campsite and make some kettle popcorn. None for you.

MY HILL!!!

[Steven_Six]

Somewhere, a wall crumbles.

All the worry.

For that was not just ANY wall, but...

THE FOURTH WALL.

The wall that keeps all the worlds of animation from spilling out into the real world, and causing absolute chaos.

It has become weathered with time, and many creatures of the other side have found holes in it, but now... IT HAS FALLEN.
DEAR LORD
WE'RE DOOMED

A violent sea of cartoon characters proceeds to wash over the world, annihilating anything not cartoon in their path. This includes you. However, as the man who smashed THE WALL, I am magically transformed into a cartoon character. While you are sent to the Tooniverse's hosPITal, I teleport the hill off the war ravaged Earth to an exact replica, save for one mosquito is missing. Yay missing mosquito. Thus, you are hurting and i am laughing.

MY CARTOON HILL

[Neo Emolga]

UNLEASH ENERGY!

Seeing as how Steven has completely forgotten about me during this hiatus, I cast ONE HIT PUNCH with one hand and FALCON PUNCH with the other, causing Steven to be blasted to Galaxy XAN-014. There he explodes against Plant Znore, warping the space time continuum, which turns him into a combination of chocolate chips and Reese's Pieces, which are carefully sprinkled upon strawberry cupcakes by meter maids. This lands you in HosPITal's "Special Incidents" ward.

I use Drop of Reality on the hill, removing the goofy Tooniverse and restoring it to normal. After washing your junk and essence off of the hill, I then erect Castle Neo Emolga and enjoy the fruits of my patience and opportunity seizing prowess. I then make the best lemonade and smores throughout the land, winning me money, fame, and eternal honor.

MY HILL!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

I throw Jarate at you. Realizing you are covered in Jarate, you lose the will to live and proceed to lie on the floor like a sad person. Being sad, clowns approach to cheer you up with clown magics. Clown magics never end well and even though you've lost the will to live, you still have the will to not be the victim of clown magics. Thus, you flee the hill with the clowns in hot pursuit.

I just kind of claim it after killing any leftover clowns and blowing your castle to chinatown.

MY HILL!!!

[Neo Emolga]

So glad this didn't just die.

I cure my PTSD by means of Hakuna Matata musical ensemble, which in turn also revitalizes my ultimate energy: Ubermax. I use it to construct Ubernaut, which fires BEAMLASER and mass-detonates all clowns across the globe, as well as the complete and total annihilation of all clown existence throughout the universe and throughout history.

Ubernaut then targets YOU, and uses Signal Beam to call in Rampaging Cattle Stampede, which tramples you for grotesque amounts of damage, destroys your wardrobe, and increases your liability insurance. It also sends you flying off the hill, and off to Fairyland. Here, you are forced to drink Paradise Nectar by Mab, Queen of the Fae, and become the renown fairy known as Twinkletoes. Your autograph-demanding fairy fanbase keeps you too preoccupied to be concerned about the hill.

MY HILL!!!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

You proceed to lose five million internet points for not being fully treated by the Hakuna Matata medical ensemble for being covered in, er-hem, Jarate.

This (presumed) discovery should be enough to get you off the hill, if only to shower, but I follow-up by proceeding to have my rabid fanbase raid you on Faeblur, Twinkler, and even Navi (which is just a navitagion app for pete's sake). The wounds in your popularity are so deep that they cut through space-time and rend your tail right off. This embarassing wound doubles as crippling as you need it for a variety of secondary purposes critical to both flying and generating electricity, so the HosPITal greets you with open arms as you (in a very slow manner) move into the 'Tail Regeneration' Ward, coincidentally the hardest-to-reach one by walking.

My fanbase proceeds to claim the hill for me just as Mab dies of the legendary twenty-nine assassins of Tolietries and Class Rings, and being the second-most popular Fae after her I take the throne, allowing me to claim it personally.

MY HILL!!!

[Neo Emolga]

But behold! Your blatant disregard of Ubernaut spells immediate doom and failure. Ubernaut enters "Humiliation Mode" and you have woefully been selected as prime target.

Autolob Combat Initiative is activated, hurling tens of thousands of Daywrecker missiles at you, your fans, and your Fae compatriots. Your days are wrecked, as you are all sent to a parallel universe where it's always Monday morning, your coffee is bitter, the last season of Game of Thrones is set to never air, repetitive dubstep is the only genre of music known, and every car is a lime green Ford Pinto. Your throne is blown up into pieces and said fragments are recycled into designer selfie sticks. You, your friends, and your assets have all been completely removed from the hill. Humiliation!

I reclaim the hill and set the theme to Hawaiian Paradise. This makes it much more enjoyable to bask in my glory.

MY HILL!!!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

The Ubernaut proceeds to self-destruct in failure of your continued ignorance to the fact that you are still covered in Jarate and have not bothered to shower yet.

As this is literally a first time throughout all of existence that an Ubernaut has self-destructed from concentrated lame levels exceeding safe values, you are immediately humiliated so hard it's not even funny. I can't even make a joke at your expense at this point. You decide to retire somewhere very isolated while the nectar finally wears off and I reclaim the hill after sheanigans involving the Canadian Army and Psycho Hipsters send me back to it.

MY HILL!!!

[Neo Emolga]

After I wash the Jarate off using Magical Shower of Springtime Happiness and Freshness, I use my magical powers and cast Rain of Flaming Breakfast Burritos upon you, your Canadian Army, and the Psycho Hipsters. And just for funsies, I call in Luchador Army of Mayhem and equip them with bazookas and ghost pepper grenades.

The fiery damage is so great that it creates Triple Trouble Volcano right from under you, blasting you with super-hot lava goodness. Your lack of Fire Resistance ensures you take gratuitous damage, and as a result, you are flung as a fireball to Butte, Montana, where you explode much to the entertainment of the local populace. Your visit to HosPITal this time ensures you get a free chocolate chip cookie for being a loyal returning customer!

We celebrate your demise with a delightful fiesta of colorful lights and magic on the hill now that you and your cronies are gone.

MY HILL!!!

[Bulbasaur]

It's been almost two years since you reclaimed the hill, so you had to leave to get resources at some point.

MY HILL!