The Above Poster's Obituary

[Fate]

Let's bring out our morbid sides and have some laughs. Write an obituary for the person above you. It can be as long or as short as you want. Things you can write about include but are not limited to the location of the body, the cause of death, the person's achievements in life, and how the person will be remembered.

Be crazy, be creative, but don't be inappropriate. No personal attacks and nothing totally graphic or tasteless, please.

Example (SORRY, Neo Emolga; first thing to come to my mind):

"Neo was found lying on the kitchen floor, a half-eaten apple in his hand and cores all around. He had been a greedy Emolga and consumed way too many apples. Sadly for Neo, there was no pretty prince to revive him."

Well, then. Who or what is responsible for my unfortunate death? And how is the world celebrating?

[Neo Emolga]

I live, I die, I live again!


Fate was found deceased early Wednesday morning after having attempted to bathe in a vat of melted cheese. Forensics have found that the consistency of the melted cheese caused Fate to be sucked into its cheesy goodness and as a result, Fate drowned in the cheese. Family and friends of Fate have asked that this cheese, which was Fate's passion, not go to waste, and that it be considered the next time they decide to eat pizza and want to sample Fate and his many flavors.

Easy cheesy.

[Fate]

What the hell. xD


Last night, a strange creature was found washed upon the shore of a New Jersey beach. He possessed the bodies of both a man and a fish. The discovery of this merman stunned scientists across the world. He was the first of his kind to be seen and likely the last. Unfortunately, the merman was already dead upon his discovery.

A scuba diver who was searching for rare fish claimed to have seen the merman while he was still alive. "I saw him," the scuba diver said. "He was doing push-ups on the ocean floor. I think he was exercising."

Chitter, a dolphin who knew the merman personally, reached out to us. He told us that the merman's name is Neo and that his dream was to grow a pair of legs. That dream will not come true, it seems.

Neo's cause of death has been determined to be alcohol poisoning. It is uncertain how it happened, but witnesses claim they saw two yellow, mouse-like creatures dumping kegs of beer into the beach near the area where Neo loved to swim. Officer Jennies all across New Jersey are looking into this claim.

[Arrow-Jolteon]

This morning a decomposed body was found in the woods next to the city. The body has been identified as that of Fate, who had been missing for two weeks. The body was surrounded by dozens of plushies, which have been identified as being those a Pokemon known as "Absol". According to family and friends, Absol was Fate's favorite character, and Fate claimed that one day he would obtain the creature's ability to predict natural disasters. Polie believe that Fate had taken the plushies to the woods in order to try and predict any natural disasters that could happen, but Fate was unlucky in more ways than one; Fate ended up being suffocated by one of his own beloved Absol plushies in his sleep. Our hearts go out to him, his family and friends.

Well, I tried :P

[Noblejanobii]

Late last night just outside the Fun and Games section of the Pokemon Crossroads Forums, the body of a Jolteon was found. The cause of death is still unknown but is speculated to be exhaustion from running around too fast. The Jolteon has been identified as Arrow-Jolteon, a moderator on Pokemon Crossroads known best for her Daily Pokemon Opinions threads. A will has yet to be located but once it has we hope to determine who to designate the new leader of the opinions threads to.

I'm no good at this so here let's try this.

[Fate]

I would totally wanna die from Absol suffocation. xD


Earlier today, police investigated a house after having received numerous complaints from neighbors about a strange odor coming from it. It was described as a combination of rotting flesh and book pages. Police entered the door to find just that.

Noble, the house's resident, was found under a large pile of books. Her body is estimated to have been there for days.

On the table was a book titled The Art of Fortmaking. It is assumed that Noble was attempting to build a book fort following instructions from the The Art of Fortmaking. Unfortunately, she must have been unaware that the book is inaccurate in its directions, which may have led to the collapse of her fort and her death.

While Noble's horrible end is seen as an accident, her family is suing Arthur MacNeille, the author of The Art of Fortmaking, for providing faulty instructions on how to build a fort.

[Noblejanobii]

Bruh book forts are awesome.


Earlier today a corpse was found in a house after many witnesses saw what they could only describe as a skeleton dragging a mad hatter down the street from the house. Police investigated the house and found the corpse of a man later identified as Fate. Fate looked totally fine on the outside but further investigation revealed that he had gone completely insane to the point that his brain shut off. Upon prompting the mad hatter and skeleton, the mad hatter replied, "He tried to convince me he was more insane than me, but who's laughing now?"

[Suicune's Fire]

After two terrible months of searching, the body of Alphys has been discovered amongst decomposing memes in the nearby garbage dump. It is speculated that she was waiting for Frisk to arrive so that they could begin their date, but seemingly forgot to eat, drink or sleep whilst marathoning Sword Art Online on her portable DVD player. Undyne arrived at the scene after police had covered it in tape, and reportedly picked up and threw aside anyone who was in her way to get to the body of her beloved. Undyne is currently trying to revive the lifeless body of Alphys by poking her in various places with giant blue spears.

RIP, Alphys. <3

[Arrow-Jolteon]

We have terrible, terrible news: earlier this morning Undyne passed away. Cause of death is still unknown, but authorities suspect awesomeness overlead, because Undyne was just that awesome. She will be sorely missed. What's more, this guarantees we may have lost Alphys for good as well, since Undyne was the one trying to revive her. It truly is a sad, sad day...

Clearly I'm creatively deprived today XP

[Fate]

Just last night, Arrow was murdered in her luxurious nineteen-bedroom box by an unknown person. She--Oh no. I think the person who murdered Arrow might be going after me. I hear footsteps. I'm not sure if I can even finish typing this sentesakjmfsaQsa
d / a;s;'CSF.
DS/

I just woke up, okay? xP

[Suicune's Fire]

It was a freezing cold day when Fate's remains were found under a pillow on the side of a road. He had presumably collapsed in the gutter after stumbling out of a house previously occupied by a recent murder victim. He appears to have been unharmed by anything inside the house, and decided that his urge to sleep was greater than his urge to find an actual bed. The cause of death was suffocation due to his pillow falling on his face shortly after he lost consciousness.

Fate be more careful...

[Noblejanobii]

It seems that the longer Pokemon Go is out on the market the more disasters seem to occur. The trend continues with the recently discovered death of Xanthe. Xanthe was a well known member of Team Valor and in her passionate search to attain more power for her team, Xanthe decided it was time to ascend to a new level. Xanthe, in an attempt to become the Phoenix from which Moltres is partially inspired, lit herself on fire. As of right now, she has yet to revive from the ashes. Her girlfriend and super secret agent buddy are hopeful that she'll return soon enough though.
Suicune's Fire you're too passionate

[Suicune's Fire]

Suicune's Fire you're too passionate
Omg I laughed out loud at this. XD I LOVED IT. If I'm going out one way, it's gonna be that way!


Tragedy has occurred in the house of Sloane this sad afternoon when her dog Savannah reported her missing. After the recent report on Xanthe's disintegration, her ambitious Secret Agent pal went out in the hopes that she and her partner might once again be reunited. The teen was spotted trying to soar from a hilltop in an effort to ascend to the heavens in search of her buddy. However, she plummeted to the ground and now she can actually try to find Xanthe in the afterlife.

[Noblejanobii]

Suicune's Fire I love how the first thing my brain questions the fact that my dog is the one that reported me missing but not the fact that I was trying to ascend to heaven.


In an interesting turn of events, just as she said she would, Xanthe returned from the ashes like a Phoenix. However, her jubilee only last for a few seconds before she realized her super secret agent buddy had died in an attempt to be with her. To honor her buddy, Xanthe searched far and wide for the rumored Shaymin Village and has not been seen since. Her girlfriend, Kas, has been too busy playing Pokemon Go to notice her girlfriend's absence, and given that Xanthe has been gone a very long time, it has been presumed that she will never be found again. May she rest in peace.

[Arrow-Jolteon]

Oh wow, this thread is active again :D

Today the body of local lovable Shaymin Janobii was found in the outskirts of the local town, apparently stomped to death by some jerwkwad. There are no suspects as of yet, as police are baffled that someone would do something so cruel to such an adorable creature, but rest assured that the jerkwad who committed this atrocity WILL be found, and justice will be swift. VERY swift. In the meantime everyone mourns the death of the lovable little Shaymin. Good night, sweet princess, and the Shedinjas sing to thy rest.

[Suicune's Fire]

Alphys Well really, it's the more unlikely of the two.
Arrow-Jolteon - you could say it...came back from the dead. ;]


Whilst investigating the death of a little shaymin, Arrow-Jolteon had a run-in with a stormcloud which claimed that it could produce more lightning than she could. It appears as if Arrow was so outraged by this claim that she tried to show the stormcloud how much better she was, but she forgot to press the "vent excess electricity" button on her ankle and subsequently electrocuted herself. The stormcloud claims it never intended for this to happen, but is still a suspect in this ongoing shocking case.

[Fate]

Xanthe, I guess you could say you...burned to a cinder, eh? EH? -dead-

Speaking of which...

It was an unfortunate night for Epica yesterday. In the middle of their concert, one fan, identified as Xanthe, 22, was apparently headbanging along much too hard--to the point where her head came clean off her neck. Even after her head came off, however, it continued rocking. She was a fan till the end and then some. Epica claimed they now have inspiration for their next three albums--about people who are too obsessed with bands and headbanging.

[Suicune's Fire]

Xanthe, I guess you could say you...burned to a cinder, eh? EH? -dead-

Speaking of which...
Omg I laughed way too hard at that; "her head came clean off" omfg that's too good.


Late last night, Fate was found by a crystal ball with his heart cut out. It is speculated that Fate looked into the crystal ball and saw that the only way he could become one with the universe was to sacrifice his own heart. This was the story of a deranged man who truly believed in destiny.

[LKWayvern]

...I have no idea how to do that display box thingy.
HOWEVER this still looks like fun.

Xanthe miraculously managed to locate Shaymin Village, to everyone's surprise. However, due to the rarity of Gracedia flowers outside the village, she was totally unaware that she had deathly allergies to the beautiful smelling flower. She was found dead in a large clump of Gracedias. The Shaymin have no comment on this event.

[Suicune's Fire]

LOVE IT, OMG. I never thought I'd love hearing about my own deaths so much. P.S. You just use the quote tags. It's the speech bubble in the formatting panel, or you can type
Put the quote here! :D


It was a sad but relieving revelation for the local police force when the mystery skeleton found outside a dragon's den was finally identified as LKWayvern. According to witnesses, LKWayvern was seen entering the cave shouting dragon calls after believing herself to be a dragon. Apparently, a stream of fire followed the sounds, and a flaming body rode the fire out through the mouth of the cave again. LKWayvern's friends and family have made the comment that "at least she died on a path of self discovery."

[LKWayvern]

Well, at least I found the dragon before death. That's something! XD


We're not quite sure how, but at some point in the past Xanthe managed to discover the exact circumstances of her death. It was pretty painful, we're told. Determined to avoid this awful fate, Xanthe searched far and wide for a Legendary Pokemon that controlled time. Eventually she located Celebi, and explained her plight to it. Celebi agreed to help Xanthe, and took her travelling through time.
Past!Xanthe arrived near Future!Xanthe intending to help them avoid their terrible demise! However, two Xanthes from the same timeline existing at the same same time in the same general location caused a time paradox, and both Xanthes were erased from the timeline.
Oh well. Such a tragic fate. At least they managed to avoid whatever doom Past!Xanthe was trying to save Future!Xanthe from.

[Noblejanobii]

Today LKWayvern was found dead in her home staring at her computer. It is suspected that she was waiting on user Alphys, NobleJanobii, or whatever pseudonym she is using now to reply to her popular roleplay Neverending Nightmare and forgot to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom in anxious awaiting. When the user was asked to give a comment, Noblejanobii screamed "I'm busy doing homework!" however it should be noted that she was actually binging Danny Phantom instead. Such a tragic death caused by another procrastination. LKWayvern will be missed.

I love taking shots at myself. XD

[LKWayvern]

In search of college, credits, NobleJanobii signed up to be an intern at Night Vale Community Radio, unaware of the unusually high intern mortality rate there. While she was there, the rip in space-time from four years ago suddenly reopened in the NVCR building, causing more pteranodons to come out from it. They were all herded back into the rift, and caused it to close, before any pteranodons got outside the building. However, it was too late to save Intern Noble's life.
To the family of Intern Noble. Etc, etc. You know the rest.

I'm surprised it took me this long to start referencing Night Vale, and its high intern mortality rate.

[Noblejanobii]

Today we mourn the loss of LKWayvern. She was found dead in the Roleplay Board this morning, though is suspected to have been dead for a long time now. Further investigation has revealed she literally put her heart and soul into the roleplay she created, Neverending Nightmare, and upon ending it, accidentally forgot to remove her heart and soul before sending it down the trash chute. Authorities are currently trying to locate the heart and soul in an attempt to revive her, but it is suspected that the trash monster, MichaelXD, may have already eaten them.

Reviving this.

[Fate]

Reviving this again.


A funeral was held earlier today for Sloane, 19, an aspiring writer and avid collector of Shaymin merchandise. Sloane had recently undergone eye surgery, which was met with great success. Unfortunately, it proved to be too successful. Her eyes became so brilliant that they literally shined. As she looked at herself in the mirror one morning, the radiance of her new eyes temporarily blinded her. In her panic, she fumbled around the bathroom, knocking various items off the shelves and ultimately landing head-first into the open toilet. Realizing where she was, she immediately died of disgust.

Was it worth it, Noblejanobii?

[Cleobel]

Let's try this game. xD


We are saddened to announce the passing of Fate, who was 22 years old. He was found dead in his bed this morning, under a lot of Pokemon plushies. We suppose that they fell on him while he was sleeping, which made him suffocate. May you rest in peace, Fate. You didn't deserve such a tragic "Fate".
Fate

[Suicune's Fire]

A terrible accident has occurred during PXR's Winter Carnival which has resulted in Cleobel's untimely demise. Everything was going well for the young chikorita until she began thinking of jokes about certain PXR members. The activities of the Winter Carnival only boosted her desire to formulate clever and often pun-inclusive jokes about her peers, which were all well-received and led to widespread appreciation. However, this was sadly her undoing, as with every joke, she gained an extra ab from laughing so hard at her own amazing jokes. After recently announcing the death of Fate and including yet another clever joke, Cleobel's forty-ninth ab was developed, causing a bodily explosion that continued to explode for ten kilometres, obliterating everything within range. Post-mortem, she has been dubbed the Cleobomb.
Cleobel

[[Desolate Divine]]

It is with great sadness that we inform you of the passing of Suicune's Fire, more commonly known as Xanthe. She was known for her compassion, especially towards animals, evident by her vegan lifestyle. Unfortunately it was this lifestyle that was her downfall. On the night of Janurary 7th, 2018, she went with Desolate Divine, more commonly known as Jacob, to the local McDonalds, known by the locals as a maccas run, and ordered a singular hash brown, due to there being nothing else vegan friendly, and only bringing $2, with the hash browns being an expensive $1.90 each. Unfortunately, the singular hash brown that she consumed was contaminated, causing her to die within minutes. Unfortunately for Xanthe, she had decided to wear her pajama pants, as they were just going to be using the drive through, and was wearing them at the time of death, and time of identification of the corpse.
May she rest in peace... And PJs...
Suicune's Fire

[Cleobel]

Today, we mourn the loss of Desolate Divine. On this summer day (where he lived), he decided to go to the beach. While he was on the way to the beach, he saw a car he really liked. He absolutely wanted to take a picture of it, so he started chasing the car. He ran as fast as he could until he collapsed due to his tiredness and the heat. Then, he was killed by another car. May you rest in peace, Jacob.
Desolate Divine

[Suicune's Fire]

Last night, a tragic death befell Cleobel, resident chikorita of PXR. It seems that while in pursuit of the very best plushie, Cleobel came across the most amazing one she could find--but after all the searching she had undergone, she had worked up an enormous appetite. She eyed the chikorita plushie for but a moment before hungrily devouring it, which led to an insatiable craving for the stuffing of plushie. After her eight-hundred and twenty-second plushie, Cleobel realised too late that she was becoming a plushie herself and ceased to live. It was a bitter-sweet death; at least Cleobel died consuming what she loved.
Cleobel

[Fate]

The world weeps today for the loss of Xanthe--yes, because she's the only one in the whole world with that name. All her life, she dreamed of one thing and one thing only: opening up a Thai business. She finally got her dream a few months back.

However, upon opening her business--an air-drying laundromat called Thai-phoon--her envious neighbor decided to one-up her and open his own Thai business right across from hers. It was a clothing store for giants which he named Thai-tan. Xanthe's competitive spirit got the better of her. She tore down her laundromat and started a new business to upstage her neighbor: a real estate firm which she called Thai-coon. Her neighbor did not let up. This back and forth exchange resulted in the construction and destruction of many businesses, including but not limited to Thai-ger, a big-cat cafe; Thai-breaker, a company which specialized in settling disputes; and Thai-rant, an agency which trained aspiring dictators.

This went on and on until Xanthe grew so Thai-red that she could Thai no more and succumbed.

We'll miss you, Suicune's Fire.

[Suicune's Fire]

We'll miss you, Suicune's Fire.
I just laughed. So hard. Oh my gosh. I showed this to my brother and he and I were just laughing about it for like five minutes straight. XDDD WAY TOO GOOD.

[Fate]

I just laughed. So hard. Oh my gosh. I showed this to my brother and he and I were just laughing about it for like five minutes straight. XDDD WAY TOO GOOD.

Bwahahahaha! You're welcome. ;]

Now who wants to off me?

[Suicune's Fire]

Alright, alright, I will.


A tragic ending has come for PXR's resident trendsetter, Fate. Last night he was reportedly spamming the forum with responses to every Fun and Games thread available. His typing only got faster and faster, to the point where he proceeded to break his fingers off. For Fate, PXR was the most important thing in life and the loss of his fingers resulting in his incapacity to type ever again, caused him to die of sadness. After his death, it was reported that his rat took over his screen name and has been posing as Fate ever since.

[Cleobel]

A funeral was held earlier today for Xanthe, who was almost 24 years old. She really wanted to blow out all the 24 candles in one breath on her birthday cake, and that's why she decided to start practicing yesterday. Unfortunately, due to her excitement, she lit the candles too much and she came too close to them. Consequently, she was killed and completely consumed by the fire. May you rest in peace, Suicune's... Ashes.
Suicune's Fire

[Suicune's Fire]

Suicune's Fire
SUICUNE'S ASHES!!!!!!! XDD I just laughed way too hard at that like an idiot.

[Cleobel]

SUICUNE'S ASHES!!!!!!! XDD I just laughed way too hard at that like an idiot.

I'm glad you like it! :D
Now, who wants to make me die? :)

[Suicune's Fire]

You say that so happily. xD


Sad news has reached our ears tonight, when we learned of Cleobel's tragic death. Her recent attempts at finding a shiny Eevee on her virtual console had brought nothing to fruition, despite her many dedicated hours. Enraged by this, Cleobel became convinced that she would have to insert herself into the game in order to find the Eevee, so she did, but landed right in the middle of Team Rocket's hideout in the Celadon Game Corner. The Team Rocket Grunts all saw her and flipped out, having never seen a Generation 2 pokemon in a Generation 1 game, and began fighting over who would get to catch this rare new pokemon. However, they simply could not decide, and proceeded to have thumb war after thumb war to find out who would win. This went on for some time, as they were all as terrible at the game as each other. Cleobel soon died of overexposure to idiocy.

[Caite-chan]

I'll make it short and sweet as many times as Grace has died yet this one she went down in a Grace of Suicune's Fire you know.....gracefully. (Or so we hope.) Anyways she laughed way to hard at what everyone was coming up for her and finally laughed herself to death and even then she laughed about that. (How I don't know but she did.) In conclusion she went down in a blaze of grace while we all (okay maybe just me) pointed and laughed at her because that is what she would have wanted.

[Chibi Altaria]

Today we mourn the loss of Caite, age 30, commonly known as the Canadian Destroyer. Caite was well known for her ever-groan-inducing remark "that *insert colour here* makes your butt look big". Every time a member of the forum was promoted, Caite would be found welcoming them cheerfully with the afore-mentioend phrase. Little did she know that each time she made the comment, Caite's own butt grew an inch larger. Every time Caite passed by a forum member on her way to the Staff Headquarters, she received queer looks. Caite merely replied with a nod of her head and a smile, thinking they just didn't know how to handle all her fabulousness. It wasn't until she made the same remark to the newly-promoted Eric-saur that Caite realised all those odd looks weren't just because she was incredibly awesome. Her huge butt - suddenly an inch too big - consumed her wholly between its cheeks.

It's saddening news to regret the loss of an intelligent staff member, but at least she will always be remembered fondly as Caite: the Canadian Destroyer whose butt really was too big.

Caite-chan

[Fate]

The strangest thing happened the other day. Gemma, everyone's favorite fluffy Altaria, suddenly vanished. Her neighbor provided a statement:

"I visited Gemma one morning to see if I could borrow her colored pencils. She was sitting in her room crocheting. When I came back in the afternoon to return the colored pencils, I couldn't find her anywhere. I asked her family, but they said she never left her room. So she just...vanished. It was weird."

Nothing was left of Gemma except for her crochet hooks and the yarn she had used. However, there appeared to be much more yarn than she had started with. Nobody quite knows how that yarn got there. One theoretical physicist had an idea:

"It seems to me that Gemma became so absorbed in her crocheting that she somehow became a part of her craft. When she made a mistake and had to go back and undo some stitches, she ended up untangling her own existence. That's why there was more yarn there. That extra yarn was her."

It's a long shot, but what other explanation is there? And she never even finished that moogle.

Try not to be too absorbed in your craft, Chibi Altaria.

[Cleobel]

Hello everybody! Lately, I've been wanting to revive this thread and to write a short toilet story. Why not do both at once? I hope it's not inappropriate, though.

Today, we mourn the loss of Fate, a 23 year old guy with a great sense of humor. When he woke up this morning, he really needed to answer nature's call. Therefore, he got up and quickly walked to the bathroom.
When he arrived there, he relieved himself by releasing the yellow fluid. Then, he used some toilet paper and flushed the toilet. Unfortunately, the flush was so powerful that Fate fell into the toilet and was flushed away as well. He quickly drowned there, surrounded by a mixture of toilet paper and various bodily fluids. May he rest in pee(ce).
Fate

... Writing this story made me want to go to the toilet. xD

Now, who wants to make me die? I would love to read a good bathroom story about me, haha.