Nobility MIA

[Suicune's Fire]

Remember that time Alphys/Noblejanobii had a birthday? Me too. Back in MARCH.

When it was March, little me was like "Hmm, I'm gonna write my pair a super duper funny cool entertaining story which she'll love and definitely have on time for her birthday!"

...

Nope.

BIG NOPE. It was a complete failure. But. I have finally finished it. Four months and eighteen days later, I am (somewhat?) proud to post her present. I hope it was worth it. x:


Shoutout to ninjaskarmory for helping me with early development, and Fate for ideas at the end! 8D




Nobility MIA

By Suicune’s Fire for Noblejanobii


Tiny paws pattered along a grassy glade as a small hum danced through the clearing. Nearby trees swayed this way and that while flowers imitated them, bending to the will of the breeze. A lone bushy figure dotted with flower buds pranced along without a care, casting a light gaze to all surrounding it.

“Da-da-da da daaa...” a pretty voice chimed, occasionally switching up the tune but always falling back to the same one. “And I-I-I-I-I-EEE-I-I-I-I-I, will always love you-u-u-OO-Ou.” Suddenly the figure stopped, jumping dramatically and facing a newly bloomed flower. “Because you’re so pretty!”

The pokémon, clearly female, glanced from flower to flower; petal to petal. Never did she tire of such a beautiful site. They always talked back to her, as well, telling her how fantastic she was and always praising her for her gratuitous work. She would blush and tell them playfully to stop (secretly she wanted them to continue) but for some reason, in the middle of their long, luxurious speech to her, they simply stopped.

The shaymin’s brow gathered as she lowered her head with the assumption that they had begun whispering. “I can’t hear you!”

An intrusive and insistent thunderous sound invaded her ears, and before she could ask the flowers what was going on, a large shadow fell upon her. She thrust her gaze skyward to find that the sun was completely blocked by a huge aircraft. This was no pokémon.

“What is going on?!” shouted the grass type, watching as a rope fell from the giant flying craft.

A lone figure slid down the rope, gripping it awkwardly with paws that did not possess opposable thumbs. A shriek pierced the air, bolting directly down into the shaymin’s direction. “OH MY MEW,” the voice squawked, and the shaymin gasped as the pokémon, who clearly didn’t realise how close she was to the ground, suddenly cartoon splattered into the soil.


http://i.imgur.com/Oejpnca.png

The shaymin just stared, unsure what was going on. The figure wasn’t moving aside from the occasional twitch of an incapacitated paw or ear. “Um...” She looked left and right, and then back up to the flying craft. Apparently nobody in there was concerned that their colleague had been flattened against the earth. She was in the process of looking down while asking, “Are you o—”

“HAH! Fooled you!” yelled a voice, and the shaymin frowned at a suddenly empty ground. The figure was gone, and the voice was coming from behind her. She whirled around to see a very injured looking sunset-orange quadruped with a golden tuft of fur on its head accompanied by simmering emerald eyes.

“Fooled me with what?” the shaymin asked.

The flareon narrowed her eyes. “Well, you looked away because you thought I was a pancake.”

“That’s not fooling me.”

“Yes it is!” snorted the flareon, seemingly baffled that someone would challenge her.

The shaymin just stared. There was an awkward silence between the two and the shaymin just shook her head. “Well, see ya.”

“NOT SO FAST!” spat the fire type, racing forward on her hind legs. The shaymin had never seen such a sight. “I’m here on behalf of SOPWEG, the Society of Plant-Watering Evil Geniuses, and I’m here...to water your flowers.”

“So-o-o many questions right now.”

The flareon rolled her eyes. “Why? Why the questions? Can’t you just accept it?”

“You came from the sky. On a rope.”

“Oh my Mew. That thing gave me wicked rope burn. You don’t even know. Like, I spit fire, but this is WAY more painful,” she chuckled in disbelief, pulling out a front paw to marvel at it.

“Who are you again?” grumbled the shaymin.

“We’re the Society of Plant-Watering Evil Geniuses, and we—”

“Thanks, but I have flowers to attend to so they can tell me how great I am.” The pokémon turned around and took a step.

“NO!” screamed the flareon, darting in front of the little mythical pokémon. “I’m evil! You can’t leave!”

“Yes I can.”

“No, you can’t.”

“I can and that’s final.”

“No, you—”

“Yes I can times infinity!”

The flareon was silenced. She pulled the most hideous and uncalled for frown, but then it disappeared. “I’m evil! I don’t play by the rules!” she cackled, as if realising it all at once. “In fact...I have something for you.”

The shaymin yawned. “Well good, because it’s my birthday.”

“Aw, really?” the flareon asked brightly. “That’s nice.”

“Is Soggy Egg going to give me a present?”

“It’s—IT’S NOT SOGGY EGG. It’s SOPWEG! Short for the Society of—”

“Okay, it’s my birthday. Cool it on the exposition.”

“I can accept that,” the flareon reasoned. “What a special day it is for you! Because your present today from us is something you only get once in your life!”

“Oh, cool! What is it?”

“DEATH!” the flareon howled, producing a watering can from nowhere.

The shaymin’s eyes widened. It was made of plastic. Plastic. That was just insensitive. “What are you doing with that thing?”

The fire type’s eyes flared with sadistic joy. “I’m going to water you.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh, I would dare!” cried the orange maniac, a psychotic glint in her glare. Her head came close to the grass-type’s, pointed teeth gleaming in her face. “And that’s not all, Shaymin...”

“It’s Shay!” cried Shay.

A scoff squeezed from the fire type’s maw. “Special Double Agent Flare, at your disservice,” she snickered as she plucked a flower from the ground, watching as Shay notably flinched, and took a deep breath. “The contents of this watering can...are special.” She tipped the back of the watering can upwards.

Through its dotted spout spluttered what Shay could instantly recognise as stagnant water, although to regular eyes, it would be impossible to know. But to her, it was clear: a disgusting abomination that could only be deemed usable by the cruellest of beings; the foulest of fiends!

“You may be wondering what could be worse than water contained in a plastic watering can. The answer? Water that’s been sitting in one...for SEVEN. WHOLE. DAYS!”

Shay filled her lungs at once with a single gasp of shock. “WHAT?!”


http://i.imgur.com/RWwg02z.png

“You heard me!” Special Double Agent Flare hissed.

Shay watched in pure horror as the flower was continuously forced to endure a shower of this so-called ‘water’ as the flareon erupted into maniacal howling. “No... NO! Stop this madness! Water sitting in plastic tastes SO BAD!” Shay yelled, watching as the flower was thrown at the ground. It flopped helplessly, beginning to rot from the inside out. The grass type felt a sting of fury and hurt as tears fled from her eyes, and she tossed herself onto the flareon’s muzzle, glaring at her with eyes ablaze. “WHAT have you DONE?! Why would you do this?!”

Special Double Agent Flare chuckled again and shook the smaller pokémon off. “Because at SOPWEG, we water plants to kill them.” They locked glares. “That was just a test. Now for your birthday present...”

Shay backed up as the flareon advanced, one step at a time. She was shaking her head furiously, as if it was some sort of magical act which would somehow repel the nearing pokémon. “Please... Please! You don’t have to do this.” She felt her chest heave with anxiety. “Pour insect killer on me, or set me on fire! But please don’t water me with...with...week old water!”

“There’d be no fun in that, little shaymin.”

Shay scoffed. “If you want to have some fun, why don’t you go and play pool or something? Oh wait, you’re weak to water, which means you must suck at that game! HAH!”

Special Double Agent Flare gasped. “How...how dare you! I’m...GREAT at pool!”

“I bet you can’t even hold the cue properly,” sneered Shay. “Look at how well you held onto that rope with no thumbs.” She signalled to the flareon’s numerous bodily bruises.

“Sh-shut up!” she cried.

“Your aim is probably terrible as well! Face it—you’d be horrible at pool.”

The flareon shook her head, her face suddenly overcome with past traumas. “No...no...! I was a champion! Everyone...looked up to me.”

The fire type’s gaze strolled away down memory lane, showing her a scene she would not soon forget: a brilliant, hand-carved pool table with specially made cue balls and sticks. A crowd of assorted species stood around the large room, and all attention was on Special Double Agent Flare. Perspiration slid down her furred face as a grimace took her jaws prisoner. She inhaled deeply, then locked eyes with the figure across the other end of the table.

That smug-looking pompous twit was staring her down, a wonderful, wispy rose-shaped hairstyle effortlessly outdoing her. There was no trumping that stunning flower pokémon. Oh, how Special Double Agent Flare hated her perfect bouquet hands and amazingly sleek leaf-like cape. The never-ending glamour radiating from the duel type was impressive, captivating and infuriating all at once.

“You’ll never make the shot,” the tantalising tone of the roserade hummed, her voice just as stunning as her appearance. Her ability to beat every opponent she had ever faced at the game of pool was also stunning, although that was something Special Double Agent Flare would never admit.

The fire type sneered. “I wouldn’t be so sure...”

In reality, she was shaking with terror on the inside. The 8-ball was directly in her line of sight, her target sitting right behind it. The problem was, she would have to perform a successful trick shot if she was going to avoid her opponent’s last ball. Not only that, but the white ball was in such an awkward position that Special Double Agent Flare was going to have to make the shot by threading one arm around the back of her torso. Normally, the shot wouldn’t be so daunting, but the unrelenting scent of the looming grass pokémon wouldn’t let her forget the unnerving superiority of her opponent.

“Well?” taunted that voice again. The single word hung in the air like a drying sock while Special Double Agent Flare kept her eye on the white ball.

“Don’t rush—” And then it happened.

Her arm jerked and the cue stick slipped, knocking the white ball on its far left side and sending it spinning straight into a side pocket. Painful dread attacked her mind and body simultaneously, almost bringing her down to the floor with grief. All that she had worked for...all those hours that she had practiced had all been for naught. It was only a matter of time before...

“And she pots it beautifully!” an audience member cheered, and Special Double Agent Flare glanced up to view what she had been in fits of worry about for her entire career: her nemesis had taken advantage of the flareon’s awful attempt at a final shot and countered with a shot of perfection, winning the game in a matter of seconds.

The giant greasy grin splattered across the grass and poison type’s face spoke volumes to Special Double Agent Flare, whose face fell to complete humiliation.

“Hello-o-o-o-o-o?” Shay’s voice echoed, dragging the flareon back to the present.

Special Double Agent Flare yelped in surprise, nearly spilling some of the week-old water from the watering can. She was about to exclaim her displeasure when a something caught her attention.

“SPECIAL DOUBLE AGENT FLARE!” screeched a voice, and Special Double Agent Flare tossed her glance about until it settled onto a figure lodged in a tree branch a few metres skyward. It was not a voice that Special Double Agent Flare welcomed, but, boy, was it one she had heard before.

“Slolava,” grumbled the fire type, hardly surprised by her presence. She raised a curled paw and shook it back and forth. “So it was you who foiled all of my plans up until now.”

The new arrival was half dark and half yellow, slender and clearly a fire type as well. She had a mixture of a smile and a frown as she flipped out of the tree, somersaulting thrice before landing gracefully on the field. “We knew what your plans were all along, you dirty SOPWEG slime!”

“Oh, really?” began the flareon in a low tone.

“Yes, really,” the quilava retorted.

The flareon held her gaze for a number of seconds and then her composure broke rather casually. “Oh.”

“...Yeah.”

Shay frowned. “What’s going on?”

“SOPWEG is after you, shaymin,” the quilava explained from the corner of her mouth, remaining on all-fours in a defensive position.

“Oh. I figured that was the case. Or that this flareon is just a jerk.”

Special Double Agent Flare glowered in offense. “I am not! I’m simply doing the will of the SOPWEG.” She grinned before the rope she had previously slid down on appeared beside her, and she latched on. “So long, losers! We’ll be back for you, Shay...”

As the flareon cackled and flew away, Shay shook her head in bemusement. “That whole encounter made no sense.”

Slolava sighed. “It’s not meant to. SOPWEG is filled with nonsensical bozos like Special Agent Flare.”

“Special Double Agent Flare,” corrected the grass type.

“...Why did you just—”

“Look, I don’t know. Just get me out of here. Please?” Shay sighed, feeling fed up with the nonsense already.

The quilava lowered her body so it was flat on the ground, levelling with the shaymin. “That’s actually why I’m here. See that starship over there?” she asked, pointing a paw into the dense forest. Shay squinted, able to see a bit of vermillion. “That’s our ride. Please, come with me if you don’t want to be doused by that horrid stagnant water.”

Shay visibly shuddered and obliged, following the quilava past some thickets and towards a looming aerial transport which looked similar to the one that Special Double Agent Flare had flown off in. The mythical pokémon tilted her head to the side, asking, “Why does this ship look similar to Special Double Agent Flare’s?”

Slolava bound her eyes and released a sigh. “For dramatic effect, I won’t tell you now.”

“Why?” Shay spat, confused. But the quilava didn’t answer; instead, she just boarded the ramp and disappeared inside the hold. The shaymin groaned, noting that the ramp was a piece of the talonflame ship’s grey chest, and walked up.

Slolava materialised at the top of the ramp, producing a slim smile. “Welcome to the Flacon.”


***

The sound of a paw slapping stone echoed throughout a chamber. “SOMEONE FETCH ME A MANGO SMOOTHIE!”

“Y-yes, Special Double Agent Flare!” a small form obliged, scuttling away from the enormous throne it had previously been kneeling at.

Upon the over-sized chair sat the very flareon who possessed the sadistic desire to sprinkle plants with unfit water. Her collar of golden fur ruffled around her face as she leaned forward, rubbing her temples with her front paws. She could not comprehend how her brainless minions lacked the ability to predict her every thought. Mind-reading wasn’t hard. Psychic types could do it easily, so why couldn’t a stupid charmander? “Ugh. When will they learn to just...make me mango smoothies without me having to ask?”

“I don’t know how you do that,” interrupted a small form standing in the throne room doorway.


http://i.imgur.com/0KbzWe1.png

The flareon paused, furrowed her brow, and pulled a paw away from her face. “Do what?”

“Do...that!” The thulian pink pokémon raised an arm and pointed with a clawed paw at the flareon’s arms, nudging the navy blue bowtie around his neck. “The way you sit like a hitmonchan and use your front legs like arms.”

Special Double Agent Flare made a face of questioning. “But you do that too.”

“Yeah, but I’m a nidoran. It’s different. We can walk on all-fours or our hind legs naturally.”

“What have you brought me, Dyloran?”

The nidoran waddled to the bottom step of the staircase leading up to the throne, his eyes focused on a notepad as he trudged up each step with hardly a care. After two minutes, he finally reached the top. “You see these statistics?”

The flareon narrowed her eyes and snatched the pad from his paws. She eyed it for several seconds before a rather unattractive scowl stamped her face with rage. “What the cranberry is this?”

A large breath disappeared through the poison type’s mouth. “If LORG continues to nurture plants back to full health in our wake, there’s going to be no rotting flowers. Anywhere.”

Special Double Agent Flare gritted her teeth, a sneer encompassing her facial features. “Those meddling CRETINS!” she thundered, shooting upright and swiping an arm at the clipboard, sending it flying down the ridiculous flight of stairs leading to her throne. She felt her body shudder with rage. “I simply will not stand for this. I WILL NOT—”

She took a single stride when her foot slipped and her body followed. One step after another, the fire type descended in a chaotic flurry of limbs, fur and grunts. Dyloran cringed every time his boss connected with the concrete, especially when her face was the target of the abuse. The tragic incident lasted for several more seconds before finally ending with a bodily slap which produced a fabulous echo throughout the chamber.

The flareon’s assistant rubbed a paw in his face and cleared his throat. “You...you alive down there?”

There was silence until a moan bounced off the chamber walls, making it clear that the fall’s victim was still conscious but likely unwilling to get to her feet just yet.

“Boss!” called a pokémon who hurried into the room, his long carrot-coloured tail waving about. In his little paws was a large glass with a long magenta straw poking over the rim. “I got your mango...smoothie?” He looked upon the scene with a puzzled expression, unsure what to make of it. “Err...boss?”

“Boss’ll have her smoothie,” Dyloran answered, approaching the small fire type. “Thanks, Dylamander.
Dylamander gave a nod. “Welcome, Dyloran!”

“Mmh,” grunted Special Double Agent Flare, holding out a paw while the rest of her body remained in its pancake position.

Dyloran quickly handed her the smoothie and then turned to Dylamander. “The boss is going to want a status update on the Flacon. Get Rapidylan to prepare a strike team once we’ve located them.”

“But, Dyloran...” began the charmander, closing in to lower his voice to a whisper. “Weren’t we just in the Flacon’s vicinity, when we picked up Special Double Agent Flare?”

The nidoran paused. “We had to escape in case they took advantage of the situation. Now go.”

“Roger that.” Dylamander quietly left the room to alert his commander of the new plans.

Dyloran angled his head back to his boss, who had somehow gotten the straw underneath her squashed face and was sipping on her smoothie. He just sighed.


***

“So...let me get this straight,” began Shay as she sat in the cockpit. Slolava was seated across from her while a sienna pokémon with large, fluffy ears remained in the pilot’s chair. “You guys go around righting the wrongs caused by Soggy Egg?”

“SOPWEG. And yes, that’s what the League of Responsible Gardeners is about—cleaning up after SOPWEG’s mess,” Slolava affirmed. “It may not be the most glorious job in the world, but we do what we must to keep SOPWEG from destroying the beautiful flowers of the world.”

The shaymin nodded deeply. “A cause most worthy! I cannot begin to explain how horrified I was when Special Double Agent Flare pulled out that plastic watering can...”

“Special Double Agent Flare is so mean!” whinged the lopunny piloting the Flacon, a grating whine to her voice.

“The meanest,” Slolava agreed. “Our wonderful pilot here has had several personal encounters with the horrid beast in the past.”

“Oh, yes,” began the nasal normal type. “She was best friends with my best friend until...well, until their huge fight. It was so sad to see them drift apart... Ultimately it’s what led her to form SOPWEG.”

Shay narrowed her eyes. “You mean...she founded that horrible group?” She looked to Slolava. “Is that the dramatic reason you didn’t tell me why the two ships looked similar? She modelled her one after yours to confuse people?”

Slolava displayed a face of grave sadness as she slumped off the seat and body-slammed the floor. “For dramatic effect... I’ll reveal that as we walk and talk.” She slunk away, turning around at the doorframe to see if Shay was following. The shaymin rolled her eyes at the attempt at suspense and padded along behind her.

They walked/slunk until they reached a training room, where several pokémon were practicing their awesome plant-watering techniques. Shay watched as an inkay splattered about the room while squirting water from her mouth, successfully wetting several plants hanging, sitting and sprouting from every direction. A bayleef whipped her cranial leaf about as vines sprung from her neck buds, flinging themselves about the room (and hitting several pots while they were at it) in an attempt to water numerous plants at once with watering cans placed at different heights and angles.

“Baysloane!” yelled the inkay in a high-pitched squeal. “You’re smashing the terracotta!”

The grass type cringed, bowing her head in apology. “I’m sorry, Sloakay! My vines have a mind of their own.” As if as a testament to this statement, her vine heads froze in place and then zipped toward Shay, flopping around her as if sniffing her pelt.

“Hey! What the heck are you doing?” she shrieked in alarm, leaping backwards. “Get those things away from me!”

“I’m sorry! Vines, stop it! Get back here now!” the bayleef demanded.

“I’m out of here,” Shay growled, bee-lining to the corridor. She turned to Slolava, who was still slinking along on the floor. “Do you have to do that?”

“Not really,” the quilava responded, springing upright. “Anyway, next I’ll—”

“HI!” shouted a nearby pokémon, to whom Shay turned quickly. “Ooh, taking a tour?”

The shaymin observed the periwinkle pokémon hopping towards her. A bright pink flower rested on her head, beside one ear. The stout little appearance was charming, like some sort of baby pokémon. The fact that she worked in an organisation only made the image funnier.

Shay chuckled. “Yes, we are, little one!”

The nidoran’s face suddenly fell into deep seriousness. Her eyes bore into Shay’s, making her flinch a little. The spines on her back rose as a fire began to brew in her eyes. To Shay’s shock, the corridor began to feel drafty, and several small objects and bits of debris flew by, swirling around the nidoran as they went. The shaymin flinched as sand (which seemingly came from nowhere) attacked her eyes. The poison type took on a voice that could only be described as demonic.

“What...did you call me?”

Shay backed up, shaking her head while glancing to Slolava, who seemed to think everything was totally fine and normal. “I-I said... ‘Yes, we are! It’s...fun?’”

Suddenly the nidoran was cleansed of her rage and the developing typhoon settled completely. She stared at Shay with a cheery face. “Usually I’m the one to do the tours. But that’s okay! Slolava does a good job as well.”

The quilava piped up in a rather nonchalant fashion. “Shay, this is our tour guide. She’s normally in charge of showing newbies around, like she said, but today I told her I’d do it.”

Shay’s face was blanketed by a mixture of alarm, confusion and wariness. “Why would you ever defy her?”

Slolava made a distasteful face. “What?”

“Nice to meet you! I’m Nidosloan!” Nidosloan sung, holding out a small paw for Shay to take.

“Yeah...nice to meet you too, Nido...sloan.” Shay rolled her eyes. “Another one. Of course.”

“Huh?”

“N-never mind,” Shay mumbled, averting her eyes in the hopes of avoiding another Super Saiyan Nidosloan.

She turned to Slolava. “How many of us has she met so far?”

“You, the pot-plant waterers and Sloapunny.”

Shay frowned. “Sloapunny?”

“Yeah, our pilot. I forgot to introduce you.”

“Why am I not surprised?”

“Can you please check with Commander Umbresloan to make sure we’re not being followed?” she asked Nidosloan. “The last thing we want is a kidnap.”

Shay screwed her face up a little. “Wait...what?”

“Aye, aye, cap’n!” Nidosloan exclaimed, her posture becoming resolute as she slammed a paw into her head. Then she bounded off, disappearing down the hall.

“Kidnap?!”

“Please avoid that if you can,” advised the quilava, who moved down the hall and entered a lift. Shay just shook her head. Was she really safe from Special Double Agent Flare on the Flacon?


***

Special Double Agent Flare cackled in a deep, menacing rumble as she sipped more of her mango smoothie. She accidentally spilled some from her mouth after forgetting it was still in there. She swept it aside with her foot and cleared her throat. “AHAHAHAHAHA!” She glared greedily at the digital report sent to her from Rapidylan about the tracking progress of the Flacon. They were right on its feathery tail—where Special Double Agent Flare wanted it. “That shaymin is not safe from me on the Flacon!”


http://i.imgur.com/k9nvibq.png

***

When they got off the lift, Shay and Slolava stopped short of a door. The fire type turned to the little mythical grass type and offered, “Don’t walk through this door.”

“Why not?”

The door swung open and Shay was nearly sucked into the floor. Or, rather, in the direction of the floor, because there was no floor! The shaymin grasped at the doorframe as the unrelenting rush of air tuged at her legs. She panicked as she realised that the room behind her – the cargo hold – did not have a bottom. Well, it did, but it was currently two dangling flaps separated in the middle, hence why she was flapping in the wind while holding on for dear life.

“Isn’t it great?” Slolava yelled over the strong winds.

“HOW?” yelled Shay in a fury, struggling to hold on. “Why did you bring me here?!”

An answer did not have to be voiced as two figured soared into view, drawing Shay’s attention. She turned over her shoulder to see a large batlike dragon type with huge circular ears and a grey pigeon-like flying type with beady eyes. The latter waved to Shay from a long metal perch while the other kept herself airborne in the middle of the hold.

“These are our aerial fighters,” began Slolava, still yelling over the noise. “Sloivern and Unsloane are both professional—”

“SERIOUSLY?!” Shay boomed, shaking her head.

The fire type paused. “...What?”

Shay recoiled as a look of bewilderment crossed her tiny snout. “Um, do all the Flacon’s inhabitants have names that are variations of Sloane?”

Slolava shook her head, looking genuinely puzzled. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Anyway, they’re both professional bombers. They deliver purified water to the plants that have been poisoned by SOPWEG.”

Shay rolled her eyes. “But why is everyone’s name—”

Something struck the shaymin’s behind in one swift motion, knocking her through the doorway and sending her tumbling along the floor to the foot of the lift. She felt an instant coating of cold, soaking water. Trying to figure out what had happened, she glanced, utterly shocked, back through the doorway into the cargo hold. The first thing she saw were broken bits of colourful material on the floor and then Slolava’s head popping into view from behind the doorway. She waddled in and cocked her head. Shay got to her feet, noticing that the hatch in the cargo hold was in the midst of closing.

“What the heck was that?! I could have been knocked out of the ship!” she scoffed, wiping some water from her eyes. It was no use; her leafy fringe was now a showerhead.

“Sorry ‘bout that!” came a rather insincere voice. From behind Slolava appeared the dragon type with large wings for arms and a purple front. She snickered as she came closer. “At least it’s not very effective, right?!” She howled with laughter with the other one, Unsloane, who had landed behind her.

Shay got to her feet and closed the distance between her and the noivern, looking the pokémon square in the face. Suddenly all went silent as the shaymin hissed, “I will destroy you where you stand.”

The threat hung in the air for but a moment before Sloivern’s face looked to fold in on itself before she suddenly exploded in a tirade of tears. It was an endless stream accompanied by the loudest cry she had ever heard. Unsloane zipped to her side to comfort her while Slolava tossed her the most despicable look.

“Wow. Just wow. What is wrong with you?”

Shay blinked several times. “Are you serious?”

“I didn’t save you from Special Double Agent Flare and SOPWEG so you could come here and decimate the confidence of my people.”

“But—”

“Let’s just move on.”

The grass type was left to stare in confusion as the quilava walked silently past her and back to the lift while the aerial bombers consoled one another in fits of tears. Shay shook her head. “There is something seriously wrong with this place.”

Suddenly a noise rang throughout the Flacon. Shay looked skyward for a speaker. “Attention: This is Commander Umbresloan. SOPWEG has somehow located us, despite our best efforts to avoid them. They will be snapping at our heels in moments. We’re still trying to determine the source of the leak...” There was a pause. “Did anyone turn on Location Services and make a Facebook status?”

In the background, there was a small, “Oops...”

Umbresloan sighed, obviously forgetting to put her paw over the microphone. “Really, Slokrow? Really?” Then the background noise subsided abruptly and the announcement had cut off.

Shay waited a moment before beginning to talk. However, she was cut off my Slolava, who raised a paw to silence her. Then, the speaker crackled back to life.

“It’s time. LORG, assemble in the CIC!”

Slolava grabbed Shay, zipped into the lift, and pressed a button on the wall. The doors closed painfully slowly, and the lift began to ascend at a very leisurely pace. It took them five minutes to reach their stop, which was incredibly awkward. But Shay didn’t mind; in fact, she got a quick powernap in. Once they reached their destination floor, the two piled out and stood off to the side.

“Crap, we’re late to the briefing,” Slolava grumbled, moving closer to the line of LORG strike team members.

Shay could make out more pokémon she hadn’t met yet, such as what looked to be an absol, Umbresloan, and what appeared to be a murkrow sipping a mug of coffee in a back room. However, with the first sip, the flying type spilled some down her frontal plume. She followed the spillage with her eyes and then tried to brush it off with her unoccupied wing, but to no avail.

“OKAY, LORG ‘MON! We’re here for a purpose. And that purpose is to protect that shaymin,” Umbresloan thundered, pointing a paw in Shay’s direction. The pokémon shrunk down a little as the whole room set their eyes on her.

“Hi, Shay!” called Nidosloane, who was waving furiously from the other side of the room. It only caused the grass type to shrink further into herself.

“Let us defend the Flacon and claim victory!” demanded Umbresloan, eliciting a very passionate response from the other soldiers.

In the midst of the cheering, a figure sauntered into the room. Shay narrowed her eyes at first, briefly wondering if she knew this individual. She was not a tall pokémon, but she had an enormous presence. The calm green which coloured her body was highlighted by red and blue hands, which were flower-like and pretty. Her head spouted a plume of silver and gracing her back was a sleek leafy cape. ‘Hang on...’ the shaymin thought, ‘I recognise this description.’

“Sloanerade!” snapped the umbreon’s voice. Of course it was Sloanerade. “Nice of you to join us!” Despite the seemingly bitter tone, Umbresloan was just as glad for her to be there as anyone else—and that was to say that she was very glad.

Everyone watched as the grass pokémon flicked a bouquet hand past her face and shook some stray leaf follicles off her shoulder. Some even tried to dive for them as she breathed out in amusement. “I’m here now and that’s what counts.” The pokémon joined the line-up as others made way for her, only to briefly connect eyes with Shay. The shaymin flinched, suddenly picturing this pompous pokémon holding a pool cue stick in her grasp.


http://i.imgur.com/tI7cVrL.png

“Oh my golly golurk.” The hedgehog pokémon shook her head. This couldn’t be the same pokémon that Special Double Agent Flare had talked about. That didn’t seem to add up. But at the same time, she somehow knew it to be true.

“They’re impressive, aren’t they?” suggested Slolava, figuring that Shay was simply in awe of the task force.

“No, that’s not it—” Shay began, but was interrupted by the sound of a huge explosion.

Every pokémon in the room flinched, screamed, jumped, yelped, fell over or continued sipping their coffee. Commander Umbresloan began commanding commands as her team of soldiers dispersed, then came back together with a variety of weapons in the blink of an eye. “The enemy has infiltrated!” She glared around the room, adding, “There’s a mole in our midst!”

Suddenly, everyone turned to Shay. She gave a frown. “I’m a hedgehog, not a mole!”

This settled any suspicions anyone had, and they went back to being on guard. Sloanerade raised her bouquet, which everyone gawked at. It was like a magical sprinkle of fairy type dust rained down upon her from the heavenly regions of utopia, clearly displaying, in all her glory, that she was the one hand-picked by the gods themselves. Her luscious locks glided with her as she turned, all eyes glued to her form as she took a deep breath.

“We can do this.”

Immediately an eruption of hoots, cheers, celebratory yells and even tears filled the room, every single pokémon in it – besides Shay – tossing about in joy with renewed purpose.

“Oh my legends, Sloanerade!” wept someone in admiration.

Shay narrowed her eyes, turning to Slolava. “What’s the big deal? She didn’t even say something reassuring.”

Slolava was taken aback by the statement, shaking her head as she snorted. “It’s Sloanerade! Anything she says inspires the pokémon around here.” She huffed, muttering, “Unlike you...completely destroying morale by threatening to end people.”

Shay expelled a noise of astonishment. “I did not!”

“Sloanerade, you’re so inspirational!” shouted a pokémon in front of Shay as the tiny pokémon got shoved back.

“WE LOVE YOU!” another screeched.

“Please share your secrets of amaze with us!”

“I want to caress your bouquet!” one shouted, drawing an odd look from Shay. However, she couldn’t distinguish which voice came from where in the bustling – and quite frankly, creepy – crowd.

“I just want to cut off a strand of her hair and frame it!”

“Sloanerade, do you want my house and family? Because I can give them to you if you want!”

Shay was pushed yet again as the bayleef from before tried to get closer to the roserade. “Please let me clone your body and put my soul in it so I can be you!”

“When you die, Sloanerade, can I have you stuffed so I can put you on display in my lounge room?!”

“ENOUGH!” boomed a voice, which settled everyone in an instant. Shay was relieved – although still annoyed – as she swept her mangled self off the floor and reassembled parts of her body. In the centre of the room, beside the roserade who everyone was fawning over, stood the commander from before. “We need to focus. And besides...Sloanerade already promised me her cape.” An audible moan of disappointment rippled through the room. The roserade just raised her brow in question, but the umbreon didn’t meet her gaze. “We are the League of Responsible Gardeners, and we have a mission to complete. Aerial team, I’d like you back down in the hanger bay to keep it secure.”

“On it,” the two responded promptly, waddling out of the room.

“Plant waterers, guard the cockpit and our pilot.”

“Yes, ma’am!” the inkay and bayleef called, straightening their postures in an instant before bolting off.

“The strike team and I will keep the exits guarded. Slolava!”

The quilava snapped into form. “Y-yes?”

“Keep that shaymin safe!” She met eyes with Shay. “I want you in the engine room. Remember, they’re after you, so don’t reveal yourself like that idiot...” She rolled her eyes in the direction of the murkrow still sitting drinking her coffee in the room over. She stopped midway through a sip and her eyes widened in recognition, lowering her cup to twist her grinning beak toward them. She waved.

“Don’t engage...” murmured Umbresloan, clearing her throat and looking away.

“Let’s go, Shay,” Slolava instructed, looking at her grass type companion.

The duo got no more than one pace away before a huge force suddenly blew them backwards, lifting them cleanly off the floor. Shouts escaped their maws as other vocalisations filled the room, but both pokémon were cut off once they hit the wall. Shay could have sworn that Slolava kicked her in the face intentionally, but merely gritted her teeth as she and her new quilava friend gathered themselves off the floor. A quick glance was all it took to conclude that the rest of the pokémon in the room had also been taken by surprise, and were trying to gain their bearings as well.

Smoke was billowing from an opening in the wall across the room, debris littering the floor in a rough semi-circle near it. It took no more than half a second for the first figure to emerge from the smoke, lunging straight at Umbresloan, who had been the first to right herself. The two dark types fought each other for but a moment before Umbresloan shrieked in horror as the other pokémon, a sleek lilac liepard wearing sunglasses, shoved something small and papery in her face. The eeveelution appeared incapable of tearing her eyes away from whatever horror was present in the photo. Strangely, the liepard’s sunglasses appeared to be shielding him from whatever his photographic weapon was.

Shay gasped as more pokémon filled the room while this was happening, each one either targeting a single LORG member or ganging up on one. Overall it appeared as if her side outnumbered the intruders, but she could see that every LORG member was unfailingly being driven back, even two at a time...by what must have been the same photo as the one that took Umbresloan down.

“Oh no,” whispered Slolava. Shay quickly glanced to her.

“What?!” she hissed, realising that the two hadn’t been spotted yet.

“It’s...it must be...”

She didn’t get a chance to finish before a bright spiky yellow pokémon with a pointy white collar charged towards them, a photo flapping in his mouth as he ran. His eyes were filled with hunger as he targeted Slolava, and Shay could only shout in panic as she struggled to know what to do. If this killer photo reached Slolava’s eyes, Shay would be completely unprotected!

Dashing in front of Slolava, the shaymin shouted, “Take this!” as she ducked her head. Small seedlings shot from her back, raining down upon the jolteon.

He shoved his paws forward, attempting to brake before he came into contact with his targets. However, after he stopped, the chaos in the room died down instantly, every head turning to face Shay and the jolteon.

His face was adorned with some combination of horror, shock and woe. “Why... Why would you do that?”

“What are you, a savage?!” shouted one of the intruders—a rather pompous greninja whose tongue scarf had clearly been carefully groomed and well kept.

Slolava was shaking her head with a paw glued to her forehead. “No, Shay. No. We just don’t do that stuff here,” she muttered, as if embarrassed for her.

Shay narrowed her eyes and just stared. “But I just—”

“This HURTS!” screeched the jolteon, whose life energy was being drained.

“What is WRONG with you?!” shouted the liepard, his outrage echoed by both the intruders and LORG members alike.

“OH MY MEW. OKAY. FINE,” Shay boomed. “I’ll get them off. Flippin’ heck...” The shaymin approached the jolteon and removed each seed as he whimpered. When she was done, she stepped back and grunted, “There.”

“Thank you,” the electric type responded, his eyes suddenly gaining their hunger back. “Now take a look at THIS!” he shouted, changing targets back to Slolava again. The quilava was taken by complete surprise and began to cower, attempting with all her might to resist her full-body quiver in response to whatever was on the photo.

“Hey, that’s cheating!” Shay shouted, but nobody heard as the room returned to its chaotic struggle.

All of a sudden, a galloping sound echoed throughout the area. It was coming closer, and Shay kept her eye trained on the makeshift doorway moments before a majestic, powerful-looking rapidash entered. His mane and tail rippled with burning hot flames. The first thing he did was glare at Shay and shake his head. “It’s just not proper conduct.”

“Proper—what?!”

“SOPWEG,” he boomed, “you may cease your efforts. The shaymin is vulnerable.” He cast a stern eye across the room, noting that every single member of LORG, except for Sloanerade (who was wrestling with a dewott), had been reduced to quivering cowards. Even the aerial bombers and plant waterers who had been sent out prior to the event had returned and were under the photos’ spell. Whatever was on them had an effect greater than what Shay assumed they should have.

“I know what you want with me...” bellowed Shay, trying to look intimidating. She knew she didn’t stand a chance against a five-foot-seven fiery steed with one wicked looking horn. “You work for Soggy Egg. You want to water me.”

“How clever,” the rapidash snickered. “She’s figured it out. I am Rapidylan, Special Double Agent Flare’s second-in-command.” He paused for a moment, as if her slander only just reached his ears. All at once, his face twisted into one of rage. “IT’S SOPWEG!!!”

“How did you...find us?” growled Umbresloan, who had been incapacitated by the liepard in shades.

Rapidylan snickered, “You have a traitor in your midst.”

The umbreon gasped, taken aback by the news. She suspected that Sloakrow had accidentally tweeted or posted something which gave their location away, but had it really been on purpose?

Livid and looking rather tired, Sloanerade finally spoke up from underneath a shell-wielding dewott, who had overcome her. “How did you...get that photo?” she rasped.

Rapidylan snorted in obvious amusement. “Have a guess...”

“No...” whispered the roserade once realisation washed over her.

Shay frowned once more, moving closer to the jolteon who had Slolava pinned down. She glanced at the photo, finally understanding – though she’d use that term loosely – why such a potent level of fear and apparent disgust had struck each LORG member. It was a picture of Sloanerade which was less than flattering. In fact, she wasn’t even a roserade—she was in her pre-evolved form as a budew. Instead of the cool demeanour she portrayed as a roserade, the budew in the picture was clearly a carefree, potentially dorky child. Although she knew that was the part everyone was getting so weird about, it wasn’t the part that surprised her the most. Right beside Sloanerade (or maybe she was Sloanew back then) was what appeared to be a small eevee with fur of an orange-brown colour. She gasped, realising instantly that she knew this eevee... It was Special Double Agent Flare as a youngling.

Shay gawked. “Special Double Agent Flare and Sloanerade know each other?! The pool playing...Sloapunny’s best friend... It all makes sense!”

“That right,” Rapidylan sneered, eyes filled with cruel amusement. “Back when she was a part of this pitiful little club.”

“Wait...” Shay grunted, interrupting him. “Special Double Agent Flare used to be part of LORG?”

“You don’t know the half of it,” breathed Sloanerade, her tone coated in a mixture of hatred and longing. She met eyes with Shay. “She...founded the League of Responsible Gardeners back when she was an eevee.”

The shaymin did not have any time to react when a second explosion came from the same spot as the first one.

“That’s right,” someone called from the next room over. Shay knew that voice.

Amongst the new smoke waddled in a bunch of machoke with dot-eyes holding up something heavy. Shay frowned as fumes eddied around what appeared to be a large throne constructed of stone. However, the throne’s seat part was the only part to make it through the opening in the wall before a large thud sounded.

“What—” a voice grumbled.

“Sorry, boss!” the four machoke, one at each corner, chimed in unison. Their voices were comically high pitched. They backed up to try again, but once more, the throne’s backrest slammed into the top of the opening’s makeshift doorframe.

Special Double Agent Flare, who was clearly the pokémon riding in the throne, groaned as she went from looking overconfident to completely defeated, leaning an elbow on one of the armrests whilst her head rested on her paw. Over and over, the machoke attempted to pass into the room, but it was getting nowhere quickly.


http://i.imgur.com/5RU07gl.png

“WHATEVER. I’LL JUST WALK,” yelled Special Double Agent Flare, slinking off the throne and stomping over to Rapidylan. The pokémon didn’t seem to notice, however, and continued their attempts to enter the room anyway. “I swear those ditto have mush for brains.”

“You know, I had some hired muscle in the other day to reset the spa,” commented Umbresloan thoughtfully, to which Special Double Agent Flare nodded in genuine interest.

“Oh yeah?” she asked. “Where’d you go to get them?”

“There’s a place in Unova—Yellin’ Timburr? They got the best handimon around.”

“Oh, really? In Unova?” inquired Rapidylan, suddenly interested.

Umbresloan gave another nod. “Look, it’s a bit of a travel, but it’s worth it in my opinion. They had the job finished in minutes and barely left a mess!”

Special Double Agent Flare gave a calculated single nod, her eyebrows raised inquisitively. “No mess? They certainly sound worth it.”

“Oh, exactly,” the umbreon continued, looking as if she was counting in her head for a split second. “Not even that bad on the pockets, either. Especially when they throw in a warranty.”

“A warranty!” spat Special Double Agent Flare, who was suddenly holding her (now lukewarm) mango smoothie. “My golly, that is something special.”

“Yeah, I’ll give you the number.”

“I’d appreciate it.” Special Double Agent Flare gave a few more nods and sipped through her straw for all of three seconds before tossing the glass away. It broke on one of the ditto’s heads. “Now where was I?”

Shay could not stop shaking her head. She almost felt embarrassed for them. “You created LORG...?”

“Oh! Oh, yes, that’s right. Well yeah, that didn’t work out. Anyway, the point is, then I left and created SOPWEG instead and it’s cooler, so shut up and let me water you, basically.”

“Never!” shouted Shay, stepping back against the wall directly behind her. The jolteon beside her, who had Slolava backed up against the same wall, threw her a threatening glare.

“Special Double Agent Flare!” boomed a voice, and Special Double Agent Flare turned to meet gazes with Sloanerade, who was glowering dangerously at her. “You want to take the shaymin? ...Fine.”

“What?!” shouted Shay.

“On one condition...” continued the grass type.

“One?” questioned the shaymin again. “Why not make it several conditions?”

“You beat me...in a game of pool.”

Murmurs broke out between both SOPWEG and LORG, both factions equally as intrigued by this proposition. However, Special Double Agent Flare was quick to yell, “SILENCE! Nice try, roserade, but you’re at my mercy. It’s on my terms now. Because I’m evil.”

Sloanerade scowled at Special Double Agent Flare, shaking her head. “All this because you became jealous of my popularity and ran off to make your own little club to oppose mine?”

“It wasn’t YOURS!” shrieked Special Double Agent Flare. “I made LORG, and yet you magically had everyone’s respect after you evolved! Then you didn’t even want to run it because you grew a head the size of a snorlax and thought you were too good for it. And now it’s in the paws of that simpleton!” She gestured rather aggressively to Umbresloan, who looked genuinely shocked and hurt. She even cried a little.

Shay stared with wide eyes. This all sounded so ridiculous yet sad at the same time. “And you want to water me for revenge?”

“I’ve had enough of you,” boomed Special Double Agent Flare, ignoring Shay as her glare bore into Sloanerade’s eyes. “I should have never given you that shiny stone. Dewlan, take her away!”

Chaos erupted in the room as Sloanerade was dragged away by the water type who dangled the photo in front of her and anyone who tried to stop him. It was instantly incapacitating, which continued to confuse Shay.

The evil Special Double Agent Flare cackled evilly and moved with evil strides to Shay, where her evil smile reached the evil corners of her evil face. “Ready for the games?” she asked...EVILLY.

Shay, who was huddled against the wall in disgust, breathed, “What games?”


***

“Ducklett...ducklett...ducklett...duuucklett. ..” Special Double Agent Flare tapped Baysloane on the head, then Unsloan, and then Umbresloan, all of whom were bound with ropes. Each one growled at her constant head-tapping, but the combination of being tied and being watched by the outer circle of SOPWEG members kept them from retaliating.

As the fire type kept rounding the circle of participants, Shay was eying her off with as much hatred as she could project. LORG had been led to Special Double Agent Flare’s ship, the Clandestine Retreat of Artistic Perfection, whose walls were laden with portrait after portrait of fire, spicy food, or Special Double Agent Flare herself. Each member had been bound and placed in a wide circle, which was surrounded by an even wider circle of SOPWEG members, except for Shay. Her paws remained unchained, as she was the one “on trial.” As extra insurance that they wouldn’t flee, each LORG member was positioned opposite a copy of the same photograph that was used to torture them back on the Flacon. Still, Shay remained unaffected by it.

“Goodra!” Special Double Agent Flare shrieked as she slammed a paw on Shay’s head, racing away with her tail flapping behind her.

“I’ll get you for that!” Shay screeched after snapping out of her thoughts, barrelling after Special Double Agent Flare. This sort of game was not what she had in mind, but it didn’t make her any less inclined to lose.

She chased the flareon around the circle three times (with Special Double Agent Flare constantly shouting “NYEH!” and periodically a “heh” when it was obvious that Shay couldn’t keep up) before she bolted off through another door. Shay gritted her teeth in DETERMINATION and rocketed after her, passing through a set of tacky door flaps covered with beads which had clearly not been well colour coordinated. The entire room was dark, but Shay’s rage prevented her from stopping to process this properly until the lights suddenly flared up and she could take in the setting.

Somehow, she had spilled out into a large stadium. Special Double Agent Flare was nowhere to be seen, and Shay quickly realised it was a trap. She turned around to flee, but the door slammed shut (jamming some of the tacky door flaps). Then, music began blaring from nowhere and Special Double Agent Flare, adorned in a spiffy suit, was lowered down on a fancy seat by some high-reaching ropes. Shay was suddenly locked in place as a net appeared from nowhere and scooped her up. Soon she was dangling a few metres off the ground while Special Double Agent Flare waved to the audience (which, so far, was composed only of watering cans and empty flower pots). “WELCOME, ALL, TO THE DELIGHTFUL WATER GAMES!”

“What’s going on?!” shouted Shay, trying to break free of the generic rope net, but somehow finding herself unable to. She narrowed her eyes. “Darn it! This story must be following anime logic,” she grumbled.

“It follows MY logic!” Special Double Agent Flare boomed, producing a microphone as the music continued to play. “Come out, Dittchoke!” she called, waving a paw towards Shay. She quickly met eyes with the shaymin, adding, “Heh, get it? Ditto...and machoke...dittchoke?” she beamed. “’Cause, like, they’re ditto pretending to be—”

“I GET IT,” Shay groaned, rolling her eyes. “It wasn’t even funny.”

“You’re not funny!” screeched Special Double Agent Flare, throwing a watering can at Shay. The shaymin, just like in an anime, heroically avoided the water even though she was suspended in a net.

“Hey! Be careful where you’re throwing that,” she growled.

Special Double Agent Flare made a small ‘o’ with her mouth. “No.” Then, cackling, she directed her toe to a control panel on the floor and pressed a large red button.

One by one, the audience seats began to fill from beneath the stage with pokémon after pokémon. Each one was either tied up or wearing sunglasses—LORG or SOPWEG. Shay watched in horror as the struggling forms of her new friends (or perhaps colleagues; she wasn’t sure if it was too soon) flooded her vision as each looked upon her with a mixture of hope and dread. Except Sloakrow, who was still sipping a cup of coffee. She waved.

“As you can see,” Special Double Agent Flare hissed, narrowing her eyes sinisterly, “all of your friends are here, waiting, watching, as their only hope attempts to save them from being collateral damage in the evil and genius-ly crafted water games. All...except one.”

As if on cue, one of the SOPWEG agents leaped over the back of his seat and began to untie a rope constricting none other than Nidosloan, whose eyes were locked with Shay’s. Once she was freed from the rope, she sighed. “Thank you, Dyleninja,” she uttered, and the greninja bowed before clasping his hands together and vanishing all ninja-like.

“H...how do you know his name?” questioned Slolava, who was seated a few spots away.

Special Double Agent Flare was eager to cut in and shouted into her microphone, “HA! You haven’t figured it out?! Do you honestly think that the Flacon was discovered as a result of Sloakrow’s incompetence?”

Sloakrow heard her name and lowered her mug to wave again.

“I mean, it is a strong possibility, but no! You have all been fooled by the marvel that is...love.”

From behind a curtain suddenly burst the figure of a small pink pokémon clad in a fabulous tuxedo. His large diamond shaped ears were stiff with tension as his triangular eyes caught sight of a pokémon not unlike himself in appearance. He almost burst into tears as he ran a few steps to Nidosloan, who leaped into his tiny arms and wept.

“Oh, Nidosloan! Finally we can be together... After this long, arduous time spent apart, we finally meet once more under the scrutiny of those who only wish us harm.”

“Oh, Dyloran! At last, the stars align for us. And all it took was for me to betray my entire organisation and ruin years of trust with friends who have looked out for me at every turn, all for my own personal gain...”


http://i.imgur.com/vqW8ncT.png

Tears of dramatic tension escaped the eyes of nearly every pokémon in the room, except Shay and Special Double Agent Flare. The shaymin frowned at all she could see. Even Slolava was shedding a tear. “Um...guys?”

“It’s so...beautiful...” the quilava murmured, only to be agreed with by Absloan.

“Totally worth it...” the dark type sniffed, wiping a tear from her eye against her shaggy mane.

“What is wrong with all of you?!” yelled Shay, capturing some pokémon’s attention. “She BETRAYED us! You’re here because of her!”

Sloapunny snorted through her pretty nose and cried, “You’re probably just jealous of their love!”

Shay recoiled. “What? Seriously? That’s the best you can come up with?”

“They’re having a moment!” retorted Sloakay, whose flappy tentacles began clapping together. A roar of applause echoed within the small stadium as many copied, only causing Shay to roll her eyes. It finally ended once Nidosloan and Dyloran exited the stadium together, paw-in-paw.

“OKAY! Back to the show!” announced Special Double Agent Flare, and game show music began to blare from the stadium speakers located at various elevated locations as she straightened her bowtie and produced some cue cards. “For each wrong question, shaymin, I will douse one of your friends with some week-old plastic water.”

Everyone in the room gasped.

“Until I get to you. BRING OUT THE FIRST ONE!”

Shay screamed as she violently rocked back and forth in the confines of the net, struggling to have any sort of effect on it. As one of the LORG prisoners was brought down from the stand to the field, the mythical pokémon could only watch in horror. “Don’t give up, Sloakrow!” she yelped in a desperate attempt to calm the victim.

The perfectly calm murkrow waved back at her.

“Your first question...” began Special Double Agent Flare, a psychotic glint in her eye. The audience fell silent, and the music was the only thing that could still be heard (aside from Sloakrow’s coffee sipping). “What colour are my lucky socks?”

Shay felt the pressure building as she tried to think, hearing a devious cackle coming from her interrogator. Her mind turned. All around the Flacon, she had seen portraits of other flareon, or Special Double Agent Flare herself. Her favourite colour must have been either yellow or orange, given how self involved she was. “I-I have my guess...” she began, tossing her gaze to the audience. She caught sight of Sloanerade, who was shaking her head. Shay frowned a little.

“Well? Out with it!”

Shay bit her lip. “I’ve changed my mind. I want to phone a friend.”

Special Double Agent Flare brought up a panel which popped out from the bottom of her seat, and hit a button. “You’ve used one of your lifelines! Who do you wish to call?”

“Sloanerade.”

A dramatic “Ooh” came from the audience as Special Double Agent Flare narrowed her eyes.

“Friend granted. Make it quick.”

A phone coating in electric blue energy levitated over to Shay until it was within her grasp. She pressed the roserade button and heard the phone ring for but a moment before Sloanerade picked up. “Hello? Do you know the answer?”

Sloanerade sighed. “It’s a trick question. She doesn’t have lucky socks.”

It was then that Shay realised that Special Double Agent Flare was wearing not a single item of clothing at all. In fact, the tuxedo she had been wearing just moments before had suddenly vanished. She gasped, feeling a little betrayed that she had tried to trick her on the first question. Special Double Agent Flare snorted.

“Is that the answer you’re going for?”

Shay felt herself sweat. “Yes.”

“Well you’re WRONG!” she cackled, pressing another huge red button on her control panel. Immediately a large bucket hanging above Sloakrow tipped and completely drenched her.

“NO!” screamed Shay, feeling empathy pain as she curled up in the net. She watched as Sloakrow stood there, seemingly unfazed. She knew that the dark type was merely showing her immense courage, even as she continued to sip her coffee with an unwavering grin. It was probably a grin of pain.

“That was fun! Can we do it again?” Sloakrow asked, and Shay only felt her cramps intensify.

“Sloakrow, GO!” wailed Shay, tears streaming down her face. “Please don’t try to take the watery bullet for the rest of us... I know you’re trying to be strong, but we can endure it. I promise.”

The murkrow shrugged. “Okay. See ya later!”

“Go, child... Go and be with your coffee,” the shaymin sniffed, watching Slokrow exit the stadium without any resistance from the dittchoke. Shay glared at Special Double Agent Flare. “YOU MONSTER!”

“Let’s bring out contestant number two!” Special Double Agent Flare announced, meeting eyes with Sloanerade. “You’re up, Sloanew.”

“What?” the roserade called in shock, her eyes darting about as she was seized. “No! No, I can’t be a victim of that water!”

“Don’t forget Shay’s precious new friend, Slolava.”

The LORG member shook her head furiously. “Me?! B-but you’re a fire type like me! You know how deadly water is!”

As Special Double Agent Flare let out a maniacal cackle, Shay began to work on ripping part of the net. She tried using her paws and then her teeth, but neither would work. After using leech seed earlier on one of the SOPWEG agents, she was unsure how the crowd would react to her using razor sharp leaves to break herself out...but recoiled at her own ridiculous reason for hesitation before summoning five magical leaves.

As Sloanerade and Slolava were being reluctantly brought down from the stand to the field, Shay sliced through the ropes, landing on all fours with a dignified thud on the turf below. “Heh.”

“WHAT,” blurted Special Double Agent Flare, who pointed a dramatic finger at her escaped prisoner. “How did you escape my generic net?!”

“You didn’t awesome-proof it,” Shay answered coolly, whipping on a pair of sunglasses.

“Curses, you’re right! GUARDS!” she howled, summoning a ralts and a ninetales.

Shay was sure she could outrun them, but was proven wrong as all four of her paws became laced with an invisible electric blue film. She began to lift off the ground. “Wha...what’s happening?!”

“You’re getting a...psycho boost,” chuckled the ninetales as he stalked closer.

His partner, the ralts, was moving slowly beside him with raised hands when he stopped to shake his head. “That was terrible.”

The ninetales ignored him and kept his eyes locked on Shay. “I bet you weren’t predicting that!”

“Ninedylans, we talked about this. Just stop...” the ralts sighed, shaking his head (and inadvertently causing Shay to be swayed from side to side).

“Dylts over here doesn’t understand the definition of a pun. Perhaps his helmet is too thick for the meaning to get through.”

“THAT’S IT,” Dylts crowed, releasing Shay from his hold and shifting his focus to Ninedylans. “How do you like THIS misfortune?!”

As the two began to brawl, Shay raced towards Special Double Agent Flare, who was too busy spectating the battle between her guards to notice for a moment. Shay seized this opportunity and leapt onto Special Double Agent Flare’s throne, still grasping one of her magical leaves. She locked it in place at the flareon’s neck, eliciting a frightened gasp from her captive.

“Listen up, Soggy Egg,” called Shay, glaring all around the stadium. Shock buzzed between the two factions before transitioning into complete silence. “...I’ve got the imposter.”

Sloanerade and Slolava frowned. “Hang on...what?”

Shay met the fire type’s eyes with a knowing glint. “Oh, Slolava. You’re so naïve.”

The roserade and quilava, who had both been taken onto the turf and were mere steps away, could only watch on with mouths agape. Special Double Agent Flare was clearly just as taken aback. Slolava lowered her voice. “Shay...what is going on?”

The pokémon grinned maliciously. “Actually, it’s Double Agent Shay. Special Double Agent Shay. Surprise.”

Everyone in the room gasped, including Special Double Agent Flare, who struggled against the life-threatening leaf at her throat. “When did this all happen?! You’re a double agent?! I thought I was the only double agent!”

“At first, I thought you knew who I was, Unspecial Double Agent Flare. But after hearing you rant about how you supposedly created LORG and SOPWEG, I knew you were full of it.” She shook her head while she peered down on the flareon. “You’re just as stupid as the rest of them.”

“What!” Slolava shrieked as if a stake had just been shoved through her heart.

Special Double Agent Flare began to panic. “Let go of me, you oaf! This is still MY ship!”

“WRONG,” Special Double Agent Shay barked. “The Clandestine Retreat of Artistic Perfection is my ship. I commissioned its construction and I’ll decommission it if that’s what it’s going to take to get my organisation back.”

A shockwave of gasps rippled through the room and murmurs broke out. Sloanerade was released by the guards, who were also frozen with surprise, and stepped forward. “The big reveal and following insanity aside, how are you going to decommission it? You’re only one shaymin.”

Special Double Agent Shay’s mouth curled at the corner. “Ever heard of seed bomb?”

The shaymin proceeded to demonstrate by vomiting up a seed the size of her eye. It dropped to the ground and rolled but a few paces, causing Sloanerade to leap out of the way. Just as she made it behind Special Double Agent Flare’s throne, the miniscule seed exploded into hundreds of fragments all seeking different paths. Some struck her guards and the others burned holes into the stadium turf. The carnage was brutal, and it was only a tiny sample of what she could produce.

“Why are you doing this?” Sloanerade whimpered, convinced of the shaymin’s power.

“I’m glad you asked!” Special Double Agent Shay grinned. “It all started when I was a smaller shaymin... The other shaymin in my village used to make fun of me, night and day. ‘You smell like rotten flowers!’ they would say. ‘You’re not a real shaymin!’ they would say. ‘You’re a reject.’ I grew tired of their bullying. So much so that I wanted revenge. I couldn’t do it by myself, so I elected to form a team of sorts... An organisation. In order to get back at those stupid shaymin in my village, I knew I had to create something ingenious that would fool them all. I came up with the perfect ruse: pose as a grass type pampering company, but secretly be the almighty Dominion of Nature’s Elite! DONE!” Shay used a paw to place the letters in the air which only she could see. “Only the PERFECT candidates would join me in my quest to turn all other shaymin into rotten piles of dying grass, and my quest to become the only nice smelling shaymin would be complete!

“But one day, I got left behind on a mission and my crew left without me. I was stranded in a field, and for days, weeks, months on end, I was lost and alone. I learned to love nature again, and I all but forgot about DONE... Until you showed up.” She glared at Special Double Agent Flare, who remained silent. “I didn’t realise that SOPWEG was a twisted, undignified contortion of my organisation at first, but it took only time for me to piece it together. And now, I want my organisation back.”

The whole stadium room was silent except for a pokémon who coughed. Special Double Agent Shay shot them a hard glare.

“DONE?” shouted a voice. Special Double Agent Shay needed to look only a few paces away to see Slolava. The quilava looked hurt and upset. “You founded SOPWEG’s predecessor, DONE?”

“Yes, that was me. The Dominion of Nature’s Elite: DONE!”

Special Double Agent Flare chuckled from behind Special Double Agent Shay’s grasp. “DONE? As in...you’re finally DONE with your lame explanation? Mew, that was boring. Too bad I don’t have my lucky socks here to shove in your mouth and shut you up.”

The shaymin’s face lit up with rage. “As in, you’re DONE with Soggy Egg, you thieving tyrant!”

“IT’S SOPWEG. AND IT’S COOLER THAN DONE,” the fire type shot back. “Pfft, more like DUMB!”

“Silence!” screeched the grass type, forcing the leaf firmer against Special Double Agent Flare’s throat. “Do you have any last words?”

Special Double Agent Flare’s looked up, meeting Sloanerade’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Sloanerade.” She breathed in (although not enough to be cut by the leaf) and out again. “I never wanted our friendship to end, and when it did, I fell apart.”

Sloanerade put a bouquet to her chest, truly touched. Her eyes welled with quiet sadness and she shook her head gently. “Flare, it’s...it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not! And now I’ve resorted to using your own hideous picture against you and the whole of LORG...”

Sloanerade cringed, huffing, “Well it’s not that bad.”

“Oh, it’s bad,” muttered Special Double Agent Shay, avoiding awkward eye contact. “Like, I’d be embarrassed!”

Sloanerade shot her a glare, which Special Double Agent Shay intentionally evaded. “All is forgiven, just as long as we get rid of this stupid oaf.”

“But I’m a terrible flareon being! I only sought Special Double Agent Shay out to eliminate her once I found out that she was an amnesiac who used to be a part of SOPWEG. I didn’t know she created it! I was just told that she should be eliminated for safety purposes.”

“Amnesiac? Who told you that? I was abandoned, not broken,” Special Double Agent Shay snorted. “And wait a second... You were told to eliminate me? By someone else? It wasn’t...your idea?”

“Pfft, no,” spat Special Double Agent Flare. “I’m too lazy to actively seek out a one-foot tall flowerbed. It was—”

Without warning, a poison dart soared through the air and struck Special Double Agent Flare in the neck. She, Special Double Agent Shay and Sloanerade all squealed, and the shaymin dropped her instantly.

“Special Double Agent Flare! Can you hear me?” Sloanerade called, cupping her friend’s face with her bouquets while the flareon lay flat on her back.

A small moan escaped the fire type’s maw. “I think I just got poisoned...”

Special Double Agent Shay narrowed her eyes, snarling as she glared in the direction that the dart came from. She saw two small shadowy figures and locked her eyes on them. “I recognise this dirty work.”

Sloanerade looked up, trying not to panic. “What?! What is it? Will she be okay?”

Shay ripped the dart from Special Double Agent Flare’s neck and tossed it away, all while keeping her eyes across the stadium. “It’s poison point. The active ability...of nidoran!”

Gasps rang out through the stadium as none other than Dyloran and Nidosloan stepped into view, paw-in-paw. “That’s right. It was us,” they spoke in unison because they were so utterly in love.

“Dylo...ran?” rasped Special Double Agent Flare, trying to sit up. “But why? Your...your mango smoothies were so genuine.”

Dyloran unlatched from his girlfriend and took a few dramatic steps forward. “PLANTS! That’s why me and my soul mate were kept apart. Mew. Damned. PLANTS!”

“Bad things happen when you keep lovers apart,” Nidosloan hissed, “And others become sympathetic...”

Suddenly, Rapidylan and Umbresloan both unsheathed themselves from well-placed tarps. Once more, Sloanerade, Slolava, Special Double Agent Shay and Special Double Agent Flare gasped.

“You guys?!” the flareon and shaymin yelped simultaneously.

“The power of love is more powerful than—”

“The power of logic?!” shouted Special Double Agent Flare. “Couldn’t you have just told us you wanted to be together and, you know, left the organisations?”

The two nidoran both went to speak, but paused just as the air had filled their lungs. They looked at each other. They frowned. “Um...”

“You know, DONE was so much more organised when I was in charge,” Special Double Agent Shay sighed.

“IT’S TRUE,” Rapidylan cried, suddenly collapsing to the ground. His eyes trembled as he stared at the floor. “One time, when every crew member on the Flacon was being scored for their efforts and value...Shay gave me a ten out of ten. I was puzzled about what made me special, because nobody else got a perfect score. But then...she said she only gave me that score because I was her mother’s favourite... And I have never had a higher honour in my life.” His head lifted to meet eyes with Special Double Agent Flare. “But when she took command, I was suddenly a seven.”

Everyone gasped. “No,” whispered Special Double Agent Shay, who glared at Special Double Agent Flare.

“I thought that Shay’s mother was to blame,” Rapidylan yelled, galloping towards Slolava, Special Double Agent Flare, Special Double Agent Shay and Sloanerade. The group of four was suddenly on edge, and each pokémon braced themselves for the worst. “And I spent time blaming her!” He continued to charge; however, when the rapidash was about to close in on them, he suddenly veered off to the side, stopping where Nidosloan’s poisonous dart had landed. “But now I realise...it was because I wasn’t good enough.”

Every pokémon within view was shocked as Rapidylan lifted a hoof and then slammed it down on the dart with precision. He foamed at the mouth for a number of seconds before collapsing, his eyes rolling back into his head.

“RAPIDYLAN!” yelped Special Double Agent Shay, racing towards him. She fell to her tiny shaymin knees and shook her head in disbelief. He was dead. “What will I tell my mother?”

“RAPIDYLAN!!!” shrieked a sudden voice, and Umbresloan suddenly appeared by his side in a flash of tears. “WE WERE JUST ABOUT TO COME OUT IN PUBLIC WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP!” she howled, whimpering over his body. Realising that her life was over because her one true love was dead, she grabbed the dart between her clumsy toes and squeezed its remnants into her mouth. She collapsed instantly, sprawling over Rapidylan’s lifeless body.

“...What...is going on?” muttered Sloanerade to Special Double Agent Flare, who only shrugged.

“Does this mean you’re going to die?” asked Slolava, who had been relatively silent.

Special Double Agent Flare shook her head and shrugged. “Sam gave me a PSNCUREBERRY in the event that I might be poisoned while mixing with the enemy, so I’m all good.”

Slolava glared at her.

“I-I mean, my once enemies.”

Sloanerade seemed to puff up a little with renewed happiness. “So we’re all friends no—”

“RAPIDYLAN!!!!” shouted the familiar voice of a male nidoran, his little form flying over to the deceased fire type. “What have you monsters done to him?! Woe is me! My commander has fallen...” He bent over the body, beginning to weep.

Small footsteps sounded behind him as Nidosloan approached. “Darling...” she began, putting a paw out to his face.

However, right before she made contact, Dyloran turned away, too taken by grief to be comforted. As he did so, he felt pressure on his back and a small gasp. He whirled around, only to see that his beloved was holding one paw in the other. To his horror, she had a pink dart lodged in one paw.

“N...no...” he began, horror washing over him. Nidosloan could only stare in silence as she tried to breathe. “NO, NO, NIDOSLOAN!!”

“It’s time, my love...” she rasped, collapsing into his arms. “I must...go...”

“NO, it’s not time!” he shouted in denial. “Y-you’re a poison type... You can’t be poisoned!”

“Oh, love...” she began, a forlorn look in her eyes before she stood shakily upright, then lifted her neck. She placed her paw onto a small nub in her skin and parted it, revealing a tiny zipper. She grabbed it and pulled it down, her periwinkle skin falling off in one swift movement. As her nidoran pelt dropped to her ankle, her true form of yellow and white was revealed.

Dyloran gasped, taking a step back. “That bricklike pattern...your black eyes... You’re a sandshrew?”

Nidosloan nodded. “And my name is actually...Sandsloane.”

“Oh for goodness’ sake,” groaned Special Double Agent Shay, who slapped a paw to her face.

“But this means...you’re not a poison type.”

Sandsloane nodded, collapsing in her lover’s arms again. “Like I said...it’s time for me...to...”

She went limp.

Dyloran was silent. He closed his eyes and inhaled, releasing a deafening screech. “SHE WAS MY TRUE LOVE!” He dropped the corpse and screamed once again, his back spines beginning to tremor.

“Uh-oh,” Sloanerade murmured, summoning a protective shield as promptly as possible.

The male nidoran’s body suddenly exploded into thousands of tiny poisonous missiles all seeking something to puncture. They shot throughout the stadium, managing to strike every single inhabitant except Sloanerade, Special Double Agent Flare, Special Double Agent Shay and Slolava, who were all protected by Sloanerade’s shield. Every single pokémon, including the dittchoke, cried out in woe as they all dropped dead from the effects of the poison, and suddenly there was complete silence.

Sloanerade lowered her bouquet hands, looking up at the carnage that Dyloran’s explosive episode had caused. He was nowhere to be seen and had presumably blown up, and every LORG and SOPWEG member had died of poisoning.

She slowly inhaled, keeping the air in her cheeks for a moment, then turned to the others with wide eyes. “Well that was unexpected.”

“Well, I guess we have to start LORG back up again,” Slolava mentioned, at which Special Double Agent Shay and Special Double Agent Flare seemed to frown.

“...Or we could just leave and pretend none of this ever happened,” the quilava rectified.

“OH MY GOSH, we can go get ice cream for my birthday!” Special Double Agent Shay squealed in delight, hopping up and down. “Let’s take the Flacon, though. I realised I named this thing horribly.”

“What do you mean?” scoffed Special Double Agent Flare. “There’s nothing wrong with the Clandestine Retreat of Artistic Perfec—... Okay, I see your point.”

“Ice cream?” Special Double Agent Shay asked. “Slokrow can fly it. She’s still alive!”

The other three nodded in agreement, and they all walked off into the sunset to ominous background music.

Sloakrow heard her name and waved.



The end!



Hope you liked it in all its stupidity. <3 IT'S BEDTIME FOR ME NOW. GOODNIGHT.

[Noblejanobii]

So, I saw you post this this morning and I was so sad when I realized that I wouldn't be able to read it until tonight, and I tried to read it several times throughout the day but it never worked so what I did was just look at the pictures and it made literally zero sense out of context but it was really funny! Especially when one of my friends saw the second illustration of Special Double Agent Flare holding the watering can.

Anyway, I really loved the story! It was really funny and I can't really decide what my favorite part was at all. Though I have to say the Rapidash rating thing was great and I couldn't stop laughing at that. Though I am ashamed that it took me so long to figure out everyone in Soggy Egg had their names combined with Dylan. I literally didn't pick that up at all until Ninedylans showed up and I had this like Aha moment and then I just felt really stupid for not figuring it out.

Literally none of this made sense and it was great because of that. I absolutely loved this and it was totally worth the wait!

[Suicune's Fire]

So, I saw you post this this morning and I was so sad when I realized that I wouldn't be able to read it until tonight, and I tried to read it several times throughout the day but it never worked so what I did was just look at the pictures and it made literally zero sense out of context but it was really funny! Especially when one of my friends saw the second illustration of Special Double Agent Flare holding the watering can.

Anyway, I really loved the story! It was really funny and I can't really decide what my favorite part was at all. Though I have to say the Rapidash rating thing was great and I couldn't stop laughing at that. Though I am ashamed that it took me so long to figure out everyone in Soggy Egg had their names combined with Dylan. I literally didn't pick that up at all until Ninedylans showed up and I had this like Aha moment and then I just felt really stupid for not figuring it out.

Literally none of this made sense and it was great because of that. I absolutely loved this and it was totally worth the wait!
Aww, darn, how bad is it to have to wait?! XD LOOOOL yep, they would have made no sense whatsoever. Truthfully they probably made little sense even with the story (which also makes little sense). Ahahha I love that your friend saw that one. It would have been funny. XD

Squeee, I'm so glad! xD I tried to include, like, all our inside jokes. We don't have many, I guess, but we have enough. Lol yes, I knew you'd love that. I was giggling while writing it. XD Omg really? Yeah, early on I had the Sloane/Dylan idea because so many of your characters are called Sloane with Dylan boyfriends. XD At first I was going to name them all "Sloane" but with different spelling, but combining them with the pokemon names was funnier (and ninjaskarmory's idea). Lol Ninedylans was one of my favourite combinations. That and Rapidylan and Sloanerade. XD DID YOU NOTICE THAT THEY'RE ALL YOUR FAVOURITE POKEMON?! I think, anyway. I stalked you big time to try to find out a list of sorts some months back. XD

YAAAAAAAAAS that's what I was going for. A few days ago I was stuck on the ending and Fate was like "Just have them all die at the end. Parody Romeo and Juliet" and I was like "PERFECT!!!!!!" Funnily enough, writing this made me quite fond of the story and now I love it. XD I did have my doubts about how funny it was going to be though, especially after working on it for so long. Then I read it altogether last night before posting it and I was like "Yep...she's gonna love it." XD

[Noblejanobii]

Aww, darn, how bad is it to have to wait?! XD LOOOOL yep, they would have made no sense whatsoever. Truthfully they probably made little sense even with the story (which also makes little sense). Ahahha I love that your friend saw that one. It would have been funny. XD

Squeee, I'm so glad! xD I tried to include, like, all our inside jokes. We don't have many, I guess, but we have enough. Lol yes, I knew you'd love that. I was giggling while writing it. XD Omg really? Yeah, early on I had the Sloane/Dylan idea because so many of your characters are called Sloane with Dylan boyfriends. XD At first I was going to name them all "Sloane" but with different spelling, but combining them with the pokemon names was funnier (and ninjaskarmory's idea). Lol Ninedylans was one of my favourite combinations. That and Rapidylan and Sloanerade. XD DID YOU NOTICE THAT THEY'RE ALL YOUR FAVOURITE POKEMON?! I think, anyway. I stalked you big time to try to find out a list of sorts some months back. XD

YAAAAAAAAAS that's what I was going for. A few days ago I was stuck on the ending and Fate was like "Just have them all die at the end. Parody Romeo and Juliet" and I was like "PERFECT!!!!!!" Funnily enough, writing this made me quite fond of the story and now I love it. XD I did have my doubts about how funny it was going to be though, especially after working on it for so long. Then I read it altogether last night before posting it and I was like "Yep...she's gonna love it." XD

I was pretty bad but I was having such a good time that i didn't mind the wait really at all. Yeah my friend just gave me this look and I said, "Don't ask."

I did notice a bunch of inside jokes and stuff! And all my favorite Pokemon, I picked up on that too! It was great! Lol yep, Sloane with Dylan boyfriends. And you stalker! Nah, jk. XD

Pfft yeah that makes sense that Fate suggested it. It has his touch of destruction.