Noblejanobii
01-15-2017, 03:56 PM
Many people wonder exactly how they are going to die. It is something everyone worries about from time to time. But most people don’t ever expect to receive such news in the mail. To be candid, it is actually quite a bit easier to deliver the message that way. People don’t just suddenly drop dead in their driveways but I know exactly when they’re going to get their mail so there’s usually a delay between delivery and execution.
Nevertheless, some people have caught onto my scheme. I’m honestly quite surprised that no one has earlier, what with my being the grim reaper and all, but I guess if you’re a skeleton dressed in a postal worker’s uniform they never suspect a thing. There are still a few cases, though, of people having figured me out. One such case is a small child living at 483 Cherry Grove Lane. She lives alone and should have died ages ago, after her parents died in a car crash and no one came to claim her. Yet, she has seen through my disguises and all my best efforts, and thus has avoided death for quite some time. And thus, my ultimate quest in life now is deliver that child’s mail.
My mail truck creeks as I ease on the brakes. I lean out the window and open 479 Cherry Grove Lane’s mailbox. Reaching back, I grab all the mail for them today and slip it into their mailbox. No one was due to die today but as a mailman I had my regular duties to perform as well. Placing my truck in park, I eye the mailbox two houses up. That was my target. Grabbing the mail for 483 Cherry Grove Lane, my bony hands slip around a solid black envelope. The letter of death as I like to call it. I step out of my truck and begin my trek up the street. I already had a plan of action as how to deliver the mail to the little girl this time. The family living at 481 Cherry Grove Lane had a dog. Little girls love dogs don’t they? I would have the dog deliver the letter! As long as the dog didn’t open it then everything would be fine.
I heard a familiar barking as I reached the driveway for 481 Cherry Grove Lane. I whistled and a chow chow came barreling towards me from behind the house. I suddenly felt myself being hit with 70 pounds of fluff and flesh. The chow chow licked my face repeatedly before beginning to gnaw on my arm.
“Hey!” I yelled, trying to push him off me, “I’m not a chew toy!” After a minute the chow chow crawled off me and stared at me. I stood up and brushed myself off before speaking to the dog. “You know the girl next door? The one who lives in 483 Cherry Grove Lane? Yes? Give this to her. But don’t open it. Okay? Give this to the girl.” I tucked the letter into the dog’s collar and sent the dog off. The chow chow went back into his yard and began to trot towards the next house, but then, he spotted a squirrel. I couldn’t help but groan as the dog began to chase it up a nearby tree, barking his head as he went. “No no no!” I yelled loudly, shaking my head in disbelief. The dog seemed to have heard my disappointment, because it stopped barking and resumed its journey.
I watched as it reached the neighbor’s yard, and the little girl poked her head out of a window. She stumbled out of the house towards the dog and began to pet it. The chow chow repeatedly licked her face before rolling over for a belly rub. It was then that I noticed, the letter was missing! I scanned the lawn for where the black letter had been dropped only to her a thump nearby. I turned my head back to the tree to see a squirrel dead at its base, the letter in its hand. I put my hand to my face and sighed, the little girl’s laughter mocking me as if she had plotted the whole scheme. I looked up at her and made a “I’m watching you” gesture, which she returned, before returning to my truck to pursue this fight another day.
Nevertheless, some people have caught onto my scheme. I’m honestly quite surprised that no one has earlier, what with my being the grim reaper and all, but I guess if you’re a skeleton dressed in a postal worker’s uniform they never suspect a thing. There are still a few cases, though, of people having figured me out. One such case is a small child living at 483 Cherry Grove Lane. She lives alone and should have died ages ago, after her parents died in a car crash and no one came to claim her. Yet, she has seen through my disguises and all my best efforts, and thus has avoided death for quite some time. And thus, my ultimate quest in life now is deliver that child’s mail.
My mail truck creeks as I ease on the brakes. I lean out the window and open 479 Cherry Grove Lane’s mailbox. Reaching back, I grab all the mail for them today and slip it into their mailbox. No one was due to die today but as a mailman I had my regular duties to perform as well. Placing my truck in park, I eye the mailbox two houses up. That was my target. Grabbing the mail for 483 Cherry Grove Lane, my bony hands slip around a solid black envelope. The letter of death as I like to call it. I step out of my truck and begin my trek up the street. I already had a plan of action as how to deliver the mail to the little girl this time. The family living at 481 Cherry Grove Lane had a dog. Little girls love dogs don’t they? I would have the dog deliver the letter! As long as the dog didn’t open it then everything would be fine.
I heard a familiar barking as I reached the driveway for 481 Cherry Grove Lane. I whistled and a chow chow came barreling towards me from behind the house. I suddenly felt myself being hit with 70 pounds of fluff and flesh. The chow chow licked my face repeatedly before beginning to gnaw on my arm.
“Hey!” I yelled, trying to push him off me, “I’m not a chew toy!” After a minute the chow chow crawled off me and stared at me. I stood up and brushed myself off before speaking to the dog. “You know the girl next door? The one who lives in 483 Cherry Grove Lane? Yes? Give this to her. But don’t open it. Okay? Give this to the girl.” I tucked the letter into the dog’s collar and sent the dog off. The chow chow went back into his yard and began to trot towards the next house, but then, he spotted a squirrel. I couldn’t help but groan as the dog began to chase it up a nearby tree, barking his head as he went. “No no no!” I yelled loudly, shaking my head in disbelief. The dog seemed to have heard my disappointment, because it stopped barking and resumed its journey.
I watched as it reached the neighbor’s yard, and the little girl poked her head out of a window. She stumbled out of the house towards the dog and began to pet it. The chow chow repeatedly licked her face before rolling over for a belly rub. It was then that I noticed, the letter was missing! I scanned the lawn for where the black letter had been dropped only to her a thump nearby. I turned my head back to the tree to see a squirrel dead at its base, the letter in its hand. I put my hand to my face and sighed, the little girl’s laughter mocking me as if she had plotted the whole scheme. I looked up at her and made a “I’m watching you” gesture, which she returned, before returning to my truck to pursue this fight another day.