PXFire-- Creative Writing

[LKWayvern]

Welcome to Pokemon Crossfire's Creative Writing competition! I am your host and judge, LKWayvern! Participating in this section is simple. Just make a short story based off of the prompt I give you, and incorporating any restrictions or parameters I specify in it.
Your short story will be read by me, and points distributed based off of the four following categories, each of them with twenty five points:

Originality. Is this story something I've read half a million times? Is it a classic with an unexpected twist? Is it something I've never seen anything similar to before? Blow my mind with your creativity and make your story stand out to earn points in this category.
Characters. Characters can make or break a story. Those with excellent command of characters, or can create a strong character-driven story, will end up with most of the points from this category.
Coherency. Did your story flow? Was it easy to follow or did it jump around at random?
Spelling and Grammar. How legible was the language used in your story?

Before we begin, I'd like for you to follow a couple rules. First of all, I'd like for these stories to be rated at PG-13. Meaning excessive swearing, excessive blood, and certain intimate situations are not allowed. Second, please do not disrespect real people in your stories, especially those on this website. Treat your fellow competitors with respect.
Also, in order to keep the competition all on even footing, you will not be allowed to use stories created prior to the round. In that vein, plagiarism is not allowed. Ever. Do not steal someone else's story to use for your entry, it's disrespectful, rude, and lazy.

There shall be two challenges. The first will take place over one week, the second over two.

Now, shall we move onto the first round?

A light in the dark.
Stories about good and evil are classic, and their basic premise is known by all. A scrappy underdog defeating an evil tyrant, a brave knight defeating a greedy dragon! Create a story with a clear hero and villain.

a) Good powers, evil powers. Sometimes, heroes are given similar powers to other heroes, and villains are given powers similar to other villains. What do you think would happen if a hero and villain had the same power? What ways would they use that power similarly, what ways would they use it uniquely?

b) Fearful symmetry. Have a phobia play a major part in influencing one character's decisions.

c) Mirror, mirror. Feature mirrors or reflections somewhere in the story.

You have one week.



~~~

Round 2

Take a deep breath. Round One is over, and you have far more time to work on your submission for Round Two.

So, in Round One, you set up two characters-- a hero and a villain. It was quite clear who stood on the side of light, and who supported the side of dark.
But what happens when we flip perspectives?

Round two is Turning Tables.

This round, you have two options, but major challenge. The options are to continue and to expand upon the story you just finished, or to select a different, well-known tale-- a fable or fairy tale, a short story or play, a popular book or movie, a story you wrote in the past, something of that nature.

The challenge this round is this: You need to select a major character from this tale, and tell this new story in such a way that, if this character was good in the original story, they now appear evil, and if this character was evil in the original story, they now appear good. This could be before the main antagonist was corrupted into villainy; it could the hero living long enough to turn rotten; it could be a simple change in perspective showing that what you thought was true was truly reversed. It’s all your decision.

The other challenges are as follows: like last time, you need to include a mirror in the story. But unlike last time, instead of having fear influence a character’s decisions, have it be love.

The deadline is two weeks from now, the fifteenth. Good luck.

Form:

Username:
Team:
Entry:
Other:

[Bulbasaur]

Is there a character/word limit?

[LKWayvern]

Is there a character/word limit?

I need to read and judge these in a single weekend, so I'd prefer that you don't dump the next Les Miserables on me, but there's no word limit.

[Bulbasaur]

I need to read and judge these in a single weekend, so I'd prefer that you don't dump the next Les Miserables on me, but there's no word limit.
Sorry, I literally wrote that wrong.

I meant to ask if there's a MINIMUM amount of characters/words needed. XD

[Noblejanobii]

So is the first one due this coming Sunday?

[Shruikan]

LKWayvern
Just for clarification, for the Good powers, evil powers part, do the powers have to be literal? Like, would social standing count as a power? And if, for instance the main character's not human, would anything they can do natuarally count as a power, for instance, a bird being able to fly?

[LKWayvern]

So is the first one due this coming Sunday?

Yep.


LKWayvern
Just for clarification, for the Good powers, evil powers part, do the powers have to be literal? Like, would social standing count as a power? And if, for instance the main character's not human, would anything they can do natuarally count as a power, for instance, a bird being able to fly?

Good question. I'd say that it doesn't have to be a literal super power/magical power/supernatural ability. If you want power to be a learned skill(swordsfighting, physical strength, etc) or something more abstract like social standing, then go for it, I'd say. And if something like physical strength can qualify as a power, then the flying thing if you're writing about birds would as well. For the flying thing, however, I'd prefer if they specifically were better at it than average.

[Death's Spook]

For the powers thing, is it OK if the powers were related but not identical? EG a Ghost Type protagonist and a Dark Type Antagonist?

[Bulbasaur]

In addition to my last question, does it have to be Pokemon-related?

[Noblejanobii]

Do all their powers have to be the same/similar or can they have some that are the same and some that aren't?

[LKWayvern]

Death's Spook and Noblejanobii: Answering together because they're similar questions.
Mmmmm... Tricky. It would be okay, but there'd be a sort of line?
Like, going with the Dark/Ghost example-- one character having umbrakinesis and one character using necromancy, I wouldn't consider those to be the same powers. But if both used necromancy, but one was using it to ask the dead questions and the other was using it to use the undead as their servants, or if they were both using umbrakinesis and one was using it to obscure the senses of others while another used shadows as a weapon-- those I'd be okay with.
And for Noble's question, specifically-- I'll say that their main or prominent power is the one they share, they can have multiple powers that are different from it.


Bulbasaur: No.

[Cleobel]

I meant to ask if there's a MINIMUM amount of characters/words needed. XD

I'm going to ask about that as well. LKWayvern

[LKWayvern]

I'm going to ask about that as well. LKWayvern


Still no.

[Coru]

LKWayvern

With the phobia aspect, would Xenophobia be acceptable, considering it's still technically a phobia but it's more based on hatred and prejudice and not fear?

[LKWayvern]

LKWayvern

With the phobia aspect, would Xenophobia be acceptable, considering it's still technically a phobia but it's more based on hatred and prejudice and not fear?

Another good question. I’d say it’s acceptable.

[VeloJello]

Can we get an exact due date/time?

[Bulbasaur]

Can we get an exact due date/time?
http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?17561-PXFIRE-Season-2-Information-and-Rules-%26%239733%3BREAD-FIRST%26%239733%3B&p=276768&viewfull=1#post276768

Right at the bottom.

[VeloJello]

http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?17561-PXFIRE-Season-2-Information-and-Rules-%26%239733%3BREAD-FIRST%26%239733%3B&p=276768&viewfull=1#post276768

Right at the bottom.

Thank you and bless. <3

[VeloJello]

Wayvern, do you want us to submit this to the writing section and link back, or just post here?

[LKWayvern]

Wayvern, do you want us to submit this to the writing section and link back, or just post here?

Posting here so they’re all in one place would be preferable.

[VeloJello]

Username: VeloJello.
Team: Avalon Apostles.
Entry:
In the Blink of an Eye.
Streetlights gleam, bathing the city in stark blue light. The plethora of shops is still crowded with people, but there’s a certain peace in the liveliness, a steady rhythm that the people of the city have established unspoken. From his vantage point on a nearby rooftop, a young man watches vigilantly, eyes roving over the crowd. He tenses every time he senses a disturbance - a sudden stop, a raised voice, an angry glance. But nothing happens, and each time, he relaxes, though the tension in him is building.

The up-and-coming hero Moment rocks back on his heels and huffs out a sigh. He wipes his brow; his mask still feels unnatural and uncomfortable on his face. Months into this gig and he still feels so tense he might be sick. Maybe superheroing just isn’t for him.

A red blur flashes down below, stark within the pale blue night. Moment warps himself back to the edge of the roof, his heart pounding. The red blur is still there for a mere second, weaving through the throng; it zooms out of Moment’s line of sight almost instantly. Fear and excitement make Moment feel lighter than air; without stopping to consider the wisdom of what he’s doing, he zips forward in space, following the blur as faithfully as possible.

As he follows along, Moment catches a few glimpses of the person inside the blur - a big man dressed in red and white. The confirmation of Moment’s suspicions is more nerve-wracking than relieving. Scorpio is a powerful speedster, and while he’s not one of the city’s most brutal supervillains, he’s not to be trifled with. He’s got a rap sheet a mile long. The man’s maimed supers before.

But the way Moment sees it, he’s a perfect counterpoint to Scorpio. His teleportation is high-speed, high-range, flexible enough that he can keep up with Scorpio, and it comes with heightened reflexes allow him to simply warp out of the way of even the fastest attacks. He’s got his own weapons on-hand - a taser, pepper spray, a knife for emergencies - and if Moment wins this fight, he would be famous, venerated. This is his chance to keep the streets safe. To prove himself to his teachers, the world, himself.

Ambushing a speedster is a tricky prospect, as Moment know firsthand. Moment nearly loses Scorpio several times in the chase, occasionally having to trade out his rooftop views and risk crossing open terrain. Once, Scorpio’s red streak slows; Moment’s heart jumps into his chest at the thought that he’s been detected before he’s prepared, but the other super falters and quickly turns a corner, forcing Moment to stretch his teleportation to the limit to keep up.

It happens on a deserted street corner, a place with no people and closely-packed buildings. Moment sees the perfect spot for an ambush here; a place where he can easily block Scorpio’s maneuvers and where no civilians will be hurt. He breathes in deep, breathes out, then warps just ahead of Scorpio and lashes out with his taser.

Scorpio’s form finally resolves, revealing a white-skinned man with frazzled auburn hair. He just barely sweeps out of the way of Moment’s strike, turning a goggled glare on the hero. His voice is a low growl, “What exactly do you think you’re doing, kid?”

Moment forces himself to straighten his back - silently cursing himself for messing up that first attack. “My name is -” his voice squeaks, and he clears his throat. “My name is Moment. And I’m here to arrest you. Stand down, Scorpio, or else.”

There’s almost a nervous look on Scorpio’s face. Moment isn’t surprised; as a speedster himself, he knows how strange it is to get ambushed, to have your main advantage of being able to simply get away stripped off from you. He clings to his taser more tightly as Scorpio folds his huge arms over his broad chest. For the first time, Moment realizes just how big his opponent is. “So you’re gonna be the one to bring me down, eh?”

Bad idea, sings a voice in the back of Moment’s brain, bad idea. But he’s a superhero, and superheroes don’t back down. “No one else’s done it yet,” he says, trying to match Scorpio’s confidence, “so why not me?”

Scorpio cracks his neck, “Well, you went to all the trouble of catching me,” he says, “which isn’t something most people ever manage. It would be just unfair not to give you a proper chance.”

---

This is a bad idea.

Teleporters are one of Scorpio’s least favorite kinds of people. Strong and smart as he is, he knows that his main advantage is his speed, something that skilled teleporters can circumvent with ease. Just like this Moment kid’s done.

And God, he really does seem like a kid. Dressed in a dollar-store ensemble of a bright-blue hoodie and a ski mask of the same color, he looks like a total amateur, and from the way his voice is cracking he can’t be any older than sixteen. Fighting this kid would be unsporting, but he’s armed…

Scorpio clenches his fist. If Moment wants to play with the big kids, then Scorpio will oblige - if only because the stakes are too high for Scorpio not to participate. Everyone’s heard the stories about how prisons for supers are run. Scorpio simply won’t end up there, not at the hands of some kid rookie. So he lunges forward, fist swinging to strike Moment down.

There’s a blink of bright blue light; Moment vanishes, reappears atop a dumpster, then vanishes again. Scorpio dances backward, feet scuffing so fast that they carve shallow tracks in the road, just in time to avoid an uppercut from Moment. He grits his teeth. This kid is good.

For a few moments, the world becomes a blur. The human brain isn’t built to process the world at the speed of sound, but Scorpio and Moment are both so much more than plain human. Even when he’s dashing at speeds that should kill him, would kill him were he not a super, Scorpio can see Moment’s every movement, every jump, every punch as plain as day. He winces as he feels a fist hit his side, whirls on the young man who stands with his arm extended, sprints forward, tries to kick his legs out from under him, is blinded by another flash of blue. Feet pound behind Scorpio and he hurries forward, making a mad dash to escape, but Moment appears in front of him again, taser arcing with white light. Moment is no electrokinetic, but that taser looks like more than enough to bring Scorpio to the ground, and if he falters for a second -

Moment flashes forward. Scorpio tries to dodge to one side, but there’s no chance. One hand, stronger than Scorpio would have expected, holds onto Scorpio’s left arm, weighing him down, preventing him from running. Scorpio sees the taser, feels a flash of panic, and he whirls. His arm shoots out, and the air cracks around his fist. A sound as loud as thunder.

A much smaller crack follows. Scorpio feels bones break.

The shriek that Moment gives is strangled, agonized. Scorpio’s fist had struck ribs, snapping bones out of joint, against lungs. Scorpio steps back as Moment drops to the ground, his still-flashing taser falling out of his hand. The young hero is spasming on the ground, whimpering in pain and terror, trying and failing to gasp for air. For once in his life, Scorpio feels frozen.

He knew what might happen when he tried to bring you in, Scorpio tells himself, but seeing this boy writhe in pain on the ground, there’s nothing reassuring about this.

With utmost caution, Scorpio steps around Moment’s body. Moment, through his pain, seems to sense Scorpio; he teleports, but he can only move a few inches. Scorpio looks down at him without a word, then leans down, pulling a cellphone off the young hero’s belt. His hands shake slightly as he dials. Nine, one, one.

“Hello,” he says to the operator, his voice perfectly calm and collected. “The hero Moment is gravely injured. Broken - it’s at Poplar and Fifth, near Sterling Pawn Shop - broken ribs, I think; he’s having a difficult time getting air. He can’t speak, but he’s still breathing and somewhat conscious. I think he’s in shock.” He pauses, listens to the operator, weighs his options. “No, I don’t know how it happened. I’m no expert, but this seems like it could be fatal. Please, get here right away.”

The operator answers in the affirmative, informs him that paramedics are on their way. Tells him to stay with the young super. “I will,” Scorpio lies, his mouth dry; he lays the phone back down with Moment and looks down at the young man with pity. Moment is barely moving now, and his gasps of air are shaky and shallow.

“You wanted to be a cape,” murmurs Scorpio, still kneeling next to the young hero. “This is our life. There’s no glory in it. Just survival of the fittest. Or the fastest, in our case.”

For a moment, Scorpio considers relenting. He could take off his costume, pretend to be a bystander. Maybe there’s something he can do to help Moment survive, so that this becomes a harsh lesson rather than risk turning into gastly, pointless murder. But he discards the idea immediately; he'd be making a suspect of himself, and there’s nothing more he can do. It’s not like he hasn’t done enough.

And Moment the teleporter lies still, ragged gasps eclipsed by the sounds of sirens, as Scorpio the runner turns into a blur of scarlet once more and disappears into the night.
Other: No gore, but we do deal with serious injury. Tried to keep it somewhat tame without lessening the impact. If you've read my comics entry, this is set in the same universe. I flexed the "same powers" thing a bit, here - while it manifests in different ways, both our hero and our villain have superhuman speed.

[Neo Emolga]

Username: Neo Emolga
Team: Avalon Apostles
Entry:
Shatterpoint
He didn't want to go back. It had traumatized him enough already, but it seemed it wasn't done hungering on his fear. It seemed like no matter how he just wanted to run and hide, it insisted on coming back for him.

"You have to break them, Karos. It's the only way."

"...the only way."

"I can't go back, dammit!" he shouted.

With a crack of thunder blasting outside, the panicked Raichu awoke shouting and screaming, only to find himself in his bed in the same burrow he had slept in the evening before. He was panting, somewhat ashamed to have been shouting in his sleep, but this was the nature of his nightmares. By day, he had to fight them for real. In his sleep, he struggled with them as they didn't even leave his dreams alone.

He arose to his rabbit-like feet, brushing off his orange and white fur features, making sure the dream wasn't real and that he didn't have the fragments of glass sticking in and embedded in his fur and body after all. Even after brushing his fur, ears, and face, he realized he was fine, but his heart was still racing.

You know this war can't keep going on. It'll eat you, body, mind, and soul. You have to finish it.

...FINISH IT.

"Why me?" he muttered to himself.

No one else stands a chance against Zevel. You know it in your heart. Only you have the Fōkasu to combat his.

But the Raichu disliked using it. He didn't understand why he, of all Pokémon, was born with such a strange and mysterious power. A power that only Arceus should have had. A power so immense that it could tilt and alter the very world of Pokémon if it was abused.

Just like Zevel the Giratina, he could create life. All Karos the Raichu had to do was reach into his mind, create an image of a Pokémon in his mind, and summon them forward into reality, living, breathing, and ready to fight and defend whatever cause Karos decided on.

Even against Zevel, any and all of them would fight to the death for his intentions and his desires without question and without hesitation. But to Karos, it was traumatizing. Traumatizing to create and instill the gift of life to his dreams and his imagination to these new, legendary Pokémon, only to watch them get gutted and slaughtered in combat. It was like a piece of him died each and every time it happened. Jyrasee, Nimasel, Polisa, and all the others... gone. Slaughtered before his very eyes. They would have lived forever otherwise.

But Zevel. Zevel had no qualms about using his Fōkasu to sent countless hordes of abominations into war. They were so deranged and twisted that they could barely be called Pokémon. And Zevel felt no ping, no pain, no remorse for their slaughter and the sacrifice he made of them. To him, they were simply tools. But to Karos, his creations were his friends, his allies, his memories, and his companions. He could not bring himself to summon them only to die like lambs to the slaughter. And yet so much depended on his power to repel Zevel's legions. So much depended on him to fight, survive, and replace the original legendaries that Zevel had mindlessly slaughtered. Without them, the world would end and everything would spiral into chaos. And here he was, a single Raichu, standing at the end of all things. Holding the only keys that would bring balance back to the world.

It was then that someone else had climbed into his burrow. Karos looked and recognized it as Farrel, the old, white Zangoose that had been his mentor for many years. Farrel had seen and witnessed much of the horror that Karos was facing, but he had also seen a time and an era where there was once peace. An era where mankind still survived.

But his arrival now could only mean one thing.

"Karos, it's time," Farrel told the anxious Raichu. "We have tried to avoid forcing this upon you, but you're all that we have left."

It made him sick. Sick to think that he was going to have to use his Fōkasu against Zevel, and then face his fears. It was the only way to finish it.

He knew the plan. The only way to face Zevel was to enter his own new rendition of the Distortion Realm. He would need an unbroken, uncovered mirror to cross from the real world, also known as Riaru, into the new Kagami mirror realm that Zevel had discovered and infested. From there, he had to find Zevel and suspend him, trapping him or stunning him long enough to return back to Riaru and then break that mirror while Zevel was depicted and contained in its reflection. That was the only way to truly destroy him. But he had to be careful that the same wasn't done to him from the other side. If he was within range of the mirror and it was broken from the Kagami side, he would be shattered like glass.

If Karos didn't do this and attempt to defeat Zevel this way, then anywhere a reflective surface was made, be it in a mirror, a body of water, or ice, Zevel's legions could break out of the Kagami and into the real world to torment those that lived here. And there had been plenty of cases where Zevel's horrors have dragged those Pokémon who lived in the Riaru into the unknown, twisted world of the Kagami.

Every mirror and reflective surface would be like a door to them. Those that were broken or covered were unusable to them, hence why many living in the Riaru real world had covered their mirrors or hid them in boxes whenever they could. But that did not stop them from emerging from reflective surfaces like water.

The problem was that besides his reluctance of using Fōkasu, Karos had a sincere phobia of broken glass. A mission that entailed smashing a mirror was hell to someone like him who had severe spasmenagaliaphobia. And the very thought of him failing and being shattered was traumatizing.

"Karos..." Farrel spoke to the downcast Raichu. "I know this is hard."

"I keep imagining them ...in me!" Karos cried out as he shut his eyes. "So many jagged fragments. Everywhere around me. And in me. Sinking in, deeper and deeper. I try to pull them out but I'm just bleeding everywhere and soon they disappear where I can't reach them anymore!"

Farrel then felt compelled to reason with Karos. He knew he wasn't going to like this, but he had to understand there was a fine truth between reality and imagination.

"I want you to look at this," Farrel told Karos as he pulled out a single shard of broken glass out of his pouch.

The Raichu looked to see what the old Zangoose had presented before him and he immediately withdrew once he did.

"Farrel, please!" the Raichu pleaded. "Why are you doing this?"

"Just look at it," Farrel urged him. "You don't need to touch it. It won't cut you if you handle it carefully. See? Even as it rests in my paw, it doesn't cut me."

Karos took a deep breath and did as his old Zangoose friend had instructed. He was right. It was nothing more than a simple shard and he came to terms with the fact the substance of his nightmares was false. It didn't jump and stick itself into him. It didn't lunge with a mind of its own and bury itself into his flesh. While the edges were still sharp, careful handling made it harmless. His heavy breathing calmed down a bit and eventually Karos was able to relax with it even being there.

"How are you holding up?" Farrel asked.

"I'm okay," Karos replied with a nod.

"Good," Farrel nodded. "Come closer."

With a bit of reluctance at first, the orange mouse came closer and he saw nothing about the situation changed. The glass shard stayed still and didn't move an inch. And it hadn't done anything to Farrel's paws either.

"Now I want you to hold out your paws," Farrel instructed.

"No, please don't!" Karos pleaded, knowing exactly what he was going to try and do.

"Tell me," Farrel told the Raichu sincerely. "What do your fears tell you? Do they tell you this shard should be cutting my paws? Do they tell you this shard can move and behave with a malicious mind of its own? What do your fears say?"

Karos winced and then swallowed.

"...They're lying," Karos said.

"Precisely," Farrel nodded. "Now please, hold out your paws and dismiss the lies they are telling you."

Karos nodded and he held out his paws. Slowly and carefully, Farrel lightly and gently placed the shard in Karos's brown paws, and while Karos trembled a bit at first, eventually he took a deep breath and tried to calm himself.

He then pushed himself to look at it, and it was exactly as the old Zangoose said. The shard remained still, unmoving, and had not gained the sentience that Karos's nightmares had always feared. In his paws, it did no such thing and didn't even scratch him. He held it for a solid thirty seconds and eventually felt at ease.

"How are you holding up?" Farrel asked.

"I'm... I'm fine," Karos sighed before nodding.

"Good," Farrel smiled. "Do you think you could hold two of them, then?"

Karos shot Farrel a concerned look for just a moment, but then he dismissed it.

"I think so," Karos replied.

It was then that Farrel added a second shard, placing it besides the first. For just a slight moment, Karos felt a bit tense, but he came to terms that nothing about this would change. The first shard had done nothing, and this behaved exactly the same. Before long, Farrel challenged Karos to hold a third. And then a fourth. And in time, Farrel had filled Karos's paws with a small pile of glass shards and none of them had done anything to him. Farrel had even timed it and for a good five minutes, Karos's feelings of dread and fear were dismissed.

"It should settle your nerves for now," Farrel told Karos. "Hopefully enough to deal that final strike. Remember this moment and while this won't dispel all your fears overnight, practicing this simple task every day will."

Karos wasn't sure if he was ready for that, but he knew that could wait. He just needed to shut down his fears enough to strike the mirror at the precise moment he needed to.

Disposing of the shards into the trash bin helped Karos feel better, though he knew this was just the start. After following Farrel's lead, he followed him out of the burrow. Outside, the skies were still dark as they hovered over the small, innocent Pokémon village. The thunder rumbled in the clouds as the two of them made their way down the dirt paths to Farrel's small hut that looked like it had seen many years of time and age. Though it was old and worn much like the aged Zangoose himself, it still had a welcoming and homey feeling to it that helped Karos feel comfortable. Farrel gently opened the oaken door and the both of them stepped inside.

The interior of Farrel's hut was small and cozy, but only a single candle provided illumination. And while the simple wooden chairs and table as well as the small cloth bed made it feel reassuring, the thing that immediately caught Karos's attention was the flat, oval-shaped object at the other side of the room that was covered by a navy-blue blanket.

And Karos had recalled, every mirror had to be covered. An uncovered mirror instantly became a doorway between Riaru and Kigami to those that knew how to cross over. Ever since these darker times, these once everyday objects became the material of concern and dread. And while many were covered and stashed away, others were destroyed and permanently shut closed. And while Zevel's forces could still use any reflective surface, emerging from the reflection of the water or metal was not as easy as using a mirror. A murky reflection was a struggle to emerge from, but a clean and unaltered one was easy like gliding through air. But if the mirror was covered with a blanket or stashed away in a dark room or tight space, it was just as inaccessible as a locked door.

"Now then, the second part of getting you ready," Farrel told Karos as a light rumble echoed in the sky above. "Your Fōkasu."

"I know I need to use it..." Karos sighed, knowing what that would entail. "It's hard ...though."

"It is a great power," Farrel assured the Raichu. "I want you to distance yourself from these creations you will use in Kigami. These will not be the legends you will create to restore balance to the world. These should exist only to defeat Zevel and his abominations."

Karos nodded. He couldn't let himself become too attached to these creatures. The would need to exist only to fight and sacrifice themselves. The day he would use his Fōkasu to restore natural order would come later. Those legends could be created with sincerity and permanency. For now, he needed to create creatures without emotions. Without souls. Without putting his heart into them.

"Are you ready?" Farrel asked the Raichu, approaching the covered mirror.

"I know what I need to do," Karos agreed with a confident nod. "Thank you, Farrel. Thank you for getting me ready."

It was then that Farrel smiled, and then gently pulled the blanket away from the mirror. As Karos looked upon its reflective surface, he saw his own reflection for but a brief moment. Gaining the confidence he needed, he then breathed gently and then stepped inside, mentally preparing himself for the challenging battle that was to come...
Other: N/A

[arnisd]

Username: arnisd
Team: The Sabotage Squadron
Entry:
The actress



She looked up, her feet sliding into a balanced stance, ready to receive a great force which could fling her backwards. Her arm raised, the light a bit blinding, she aimed it, as best as she could. The steamtech gauntlet was heavy, too heavy, making her have to support the arm, it was mounted on with her other. She readied the spell, channeling the steam from the core crystal placed at the side, the crystal glowing white as the power gathered, the gauntlet starting to shake violently.

‘Don’t drop it now!’ A voice shouted in her head, not her own, but that darn annoying voice of the psychic in front of her. His confident smirk, barely hidden away for anyone else, his prideful posture, his oh so arrogant hairstyle.

‘Shut it, I need to focus.’ She retorted, with her own psychic powers, not able to put much strength into those words through a smile or anything, her lips rather showing a struggle.

‘BOO!!’ He shouted, his eyes glowing a faint yellow and red. She slipped, her right foot just started sliding too far to the side, she had messed up. Her posture got broken, she couldn’t keep herself upright anymore, that metal gauntlet tilting her body.

With a loud metallic clank, the thing slammed onto the ground, taking her with it and causing her to fall onto her side. She felt a jolt of pain in her shoulder, gritting her teeth and closing her eyes as she tried to hold in the screams and rage she felt right about now.

“CUT CUT! CUUUT!!!! This is NOT how this scene is supposed to go! LEA why did you fall!?” George asked, well more so shouted as the lights dimmed, the smoke effects went down and the background illusions were terminated, the whole filming studio turning quiet as the director started a tantrum.

“I thought I hired professionals? Professional actors and mages!” He continued shouting, pausing to wait for a reply which he could pound into the ground, as he stood up from his chair and stomped the ground, readying the megaphone once again.

“I’m sorry George… I lost focus and started slipping… I got distracted.” She replied, the last part of her sentence carrying a grudge like, cold undertone. Her head turning from the director to Falluin, that darn elf, in front of her on the set looking as innocent as ever.

“Lea listen, I respect you I really do. BUT get your head into the GAME!!!” He shouted so hard the gnomes behind him even tried shielding their ears. Full of rage he plumped down into that chair of his again, the furniture creaking, probably not able to take much more of that.

“With all due respect George, perhaps we should cut her a break. We all know how badly her career has been going as off late. She really needs this to go well.” Falluin said, keeping his calm posture and confidently delivering those lines. Lea felt the ‘needs’ cut through her and sink her down to the ground more, a cold malevolent chill put behind that word aimed towards her.

“Yea, yea, we all know the story, young promising actress really breaking out of the mold with fabulous performances in her first few movies. I’m seeing those glimpses of talent, don’t get me wrong, but they’re all thrown away with mistake after mistake after mistake!” He shouted once more, head now buried into a hand and shaking. “We’re taking a break people! I think everyone can use it! Before I shout myself hoarse… Dragon keep up the smoke effects they’re great! Tone down the fire a bit though, I’ve seen some of the cables starting to melt! Cameramen and women, keep them steady! Dwarves and gnomes, camera three is reporting problems with the power and overheating, go look! Also check up on the fractal shield generator underneath the set, we can’t have that thing fail for this scene! Catering get the illusion grand mage a potion! And bring me something refreshing! We begin again in fifteen! Take a break!” He shouted some more, his voice just not giving out yet.

Lea pulled her hand out of the gauntlet, flexing her arm a bit and massaging her wrist. One of the minotaurs walked up and easily picked up that heavy chunk of metal, just causing her to feel even weaker than before. Turning away from the grinning elf, she walked of set and towards her dressing room. She passed a group of pixies from catering and accepted the water bottles they were ‘carrying’, well more so floating alongside them through some magic. She opened the door, the star on front with her name engraved on it really didn’t make her feel any prouder, it made her feel a bit sick instead. She placed the bottle to her side, heard the door shut itself and sank down in her chair. Hands pressed against her forehead and tears welling up a bit. She had to keep them in, they’d ruin the makeup and it wouldn’t be able to be redone in the short break.

“Well here we are again, I can’t say I blame myself completely… there’s just something with that Falluin that’s getting me off my work.” She sighs, raising her head and looking at the mirror she had been talking to, a hand softly rubbing down it. “Hmm I must really be feeling down, talking to my mirror image again… it’s almost like when I was a child. Young Lea’s only friend.” She chuckled, though it was more of a sad one then one from amusement.

‘My, my, calling an object your friend. That’s quite unique, has it ever said anything back?’ Falluin ‘said’, he wasn’t really in the room, but she just heard his voice in her head again.

She turned around, unlike when he did this when he was on set, he made a small projection of himself inside her room whenever she was alone. “It’s been more comforting than you have. What’s your deal huh? All these small accidents I’ve been having on and off set… ever since I got paired with you for acting. Do you take joy in ruining my career?” She asked out loud, the room’s walls were thick enough to not have anyone hear her luckily.

‘Joy? Well I suppose I do take some form off amusement from all of this. But it’s something much bigger than that, much more important. I live for this! I live because of this! These negative emotions, these stressful environments… those tears…’ He said, his head tilting and an arm slowly raising as he aimed an opened hand at her eyes. The last part again having that malevolent undertone, that cold breeze, something more demonic. ‘They feed … me… Sustain me... It’s nothing personal, you’re just another meal for me to devour, I’ve done this dozens of times and will do it dozens of times over.’

“You’re a monster. I won’t let you walk over me like that.” Lea said, trying to find confidence in her own words, raising her posture in her chair.

‘Like your own family walks over you? Poor Lea the only normal girl in a family of geniuses. Your sister an arch mage, your brother head of the red knight order, your father count, your mother fashion designer known throughout the world. And then there’s you… alone… afraid… you want someone’s approval, someone to pay attention to you. But just average school results, average physique, the third in line for succession… the only talent you ever stumbled upon was acting, deceiving, well two sides of the same coin really.’ He said, shrugging his shoulders and pouting his lips. The projection walking closer, having no mirror image it tried patting Lea, only to have the hand go through her. ‘So you decide to use this talent, to not fall behind, to have people around you… to not be alone.’

“How do you know so much about me?” Lea asked, confused and certainly getting annoyed, perhaps even angry at Falluin for digging around in her private life, the paparazzi were bad enough already.

‘Everything to spice up the meal, to tip you over that edge, to make you crash on set and make it appear you couldn’t handle the pressure. If you botch up this performance, with your current bad rep, you’ll be unable to ever find a roll again. You and I are the same, I’ve just realized things in a different way. There’s only room for one in this line of work and I am that one, like I said, it’s nothing personal just business…’ The projection faded, the voice stopped, the horn announcing the end of the break sounded and Lea got up, quickly taking a sip from that water and giving herself one last look in the mirror.

“I won’t let you beat me like that.” She muttered, her eyes showing strength, determination and a hint of anger.

“Let’s do this again! Lea if you don’t do it right this time, I’m going to have to find a different actress. I can’t keep delaying this much longer. There’s a lot of money on the line and the budget can’t handle the lead actress not performing and ruining sales.” George states, after Lea walked onto the set and the special effects were started, readying the area for filming another go.

“I won’t let you down George, not this time.” Lea replied, turning herself to face Falluin, the minotaur helping her put the gauntlet on.

“Remember you don’t have to hold back the blast, the fractal shields will deflect the steam to all sides creating a smoke screen, just millimeters away from where Falluin is standing. They’re top of the line so they can take a punch. Alright confrontation between good and evil, take… 64 at this point. Go!” George shouted as the room went silent, the fire wisps turned on their lights and the cameras started rolling.

“I will end this today demon!” Lea shouted, putting some despair in her voice, her character having lost her best friend to him a few moments ago.

“Ha…hahaHA! Take your best shot girl, you can’t kill me with that! I’ll even stand still for that slow attack of yours. Hit me with your best shot!” Falluin shouted, his arms lifted upwards and his face showing complete confidence.

She looked up, stomping her feet into the ground, ready to receive a great force which could fling her backwards. Her arm raised, the light a bit blinding, but she saw her enemy perfectly. The steamtech gauntlet was heavy, but she felt the strength in her arm to lift it, using her other hand to aim. She readied the spell, channeling the steam from the core crystal placed at the side, the crystal glowing white as the power gathered, the gauntlet starting to shake violently.

‘Hmm how will I make you screw up this time….’ Falluin said in her head, her eyes full of focus looking at him, her rage building, the crystal glowing yellow.

‘Lea hey LEAaaa… you’re making the spell to powerful.’ Falluin states a few moments later, the crystal glowing red. He tried keeping posture for the scene, but he sounded concerned telepathically.

‘HEY WOMAN! THAT’S ENOUGH ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME!’ He shouted, Lea flinching a bit from that, but staying on focus.
“Today is the day, you’ll pay for those you’ve ruined before. For everything you’ve put me through. YOU DEMON!!” She shouted, as the crystal colored purple and the spell was shot, traveling through the tube in the gauntlet. The weapon, at this point, barely keeping itself together, as Lea felt her feet sliding backwards, her posture barely able to keep her upright. The stream of heavily infused magic steam busted out and travelled at high speed to Falluin. The stream seemingly crashed into the shields, the curtain of steam blinding all vision and acting like a smoke screen. The once silent filming studio was in uproar as everyone coughed and had to find cover from the hot white gas. The set trembled, Lea trembled as the force behind the spell was nearly crushing her, she felt the strain on her arm growing, but she held on for better or worse.

“You’ve done it now little girl.” Falluin said, as the smoke cleared, a burn scar on his right cheek and the costume he was wearing torn away around his right shoulder and neck. His eyes were flickering, going from normal elven eyes, to demonic. His eye white turning grey, his pupils narrowing into slits and his irises turning into a glowing yellow. As if an illusion was being lifted long demonic horns appeared from his forehead and his skin turned red, a demon’s tail even swayed behind him.

“Those are some amazing props… the illusion mage is working overtime.” George whispered to someone, as he saw the view. “What do you mean he isn’t doing that?”

“Revealing your true self now huh? No more games?” Lea said, trying to act strong, as she attempted raising her arm, but it was stuck to the floor, together with the gauntlet. Her legs were trembling, her breathing heavy, her hair messed up and she was sweating like crazy, both from the heat generated from the spell, as her own exhaustion.

He started laughing, a maniacle, evil laugh, heard throughout the studio. “You’ve made a big mistake, little hero. You’ve made me your enemy.” He nearly shouted, certainly showing signs of anger now, his eyes were trembling, his muscles flexing, he could barely contain himself. A smile, nay a snarl on his face, showing of some rather impressive fangs.

“Wasn’t I already your enemy?” Lea asked, pulling her arm free from the gauntlet and landing on her back, it ached so much, but it luckily didn’t seem burned.

“No…no… little girl, you were merely a meal for me, an animal struggling before it gets butchered and cooked. You however just got promoted and I’m going to use everything I have, to crush you.” He replied, raising a hand and balling a fist with all his strength.
“Well that just means I’m going to have to be serious as well, like you said, we are the same.” Lea retorted, her eyes flickering, as the camera focused on her face suddenly shut itself off. The same demonic eyes appearing as Falluin’s, the two smirking at one another as they locked sights.

“Cut!!! Brilliant!! I love the improvisations you two made, they stuck so well to the script, yet were so different and felt more earnest! This is what I’ve been expecting this whole-time people!!” George shouted, as he jumped up happily for once. “Keep it up you two, I hope you’ll show the same skills in scenes to come from now on?”

“Don’t worry George…” Lea replied, her eyes going back to ‘normal’. “Yea don’t worry George…” Falluin said, putting his own illusion back on. “We will…”




Other: N/A

[Cleobel]

Username: Cleobel
Team: Agents of the Shadows
Entry: The Hidden Power of Love

Once upon a time lived a Vespiquen and a Trash Cloak Wormadam who were in love with each other.
One day, they were relaxing together in a forest when Vespiquen was suddenly hit by a super effective move. Then, a scary Magmortar captured her in a net.
"My Hidden Power is the best! Now that I have finally caught some male Combees and a Vespiquen, I will be able to start my own hive soon!", the Fire-type Pokemon bragged.
"Release her, she is my girlfriend!", Wormadam demanded.
"Please help me, Wormadam!", Vespiquen implored, as Magmortar was running away with her.
Wormadam tried to follow the Fire-type Pokemon, but he was too fast for her. Fortunately, he was heavy enough to leave visible footprints on the ground, so the pink Pokemon could know where he had gone to. As she was following the footprints, she tried to figure out a strategy : "If I want to release Vespiquen from the net, I should defeat that cruel Magmortar first. However, I’m terrified of fire, especially the Flame Body ability and Fire-type moves, in addition to having a double weakness against these moves. Consequently, I should use Protect frequently and rely on moves that don’t make contact. I could also use Mirror Shot to lower Magmortar’s accuracy. As for Hidden Power, I’m thankful to have a Water-type Hidden Power, which is super effective against Fire-type Pokemon. I don’t know which type Magmortar’s Hidden Power is, but I know that it’s super effective against Vespiquen. If he had an Ice-type Hidden Power, it would be super effective against my girlfriend, but not very effective against me… That’s why I really hope he has an Ice-type Hidden Power".

When Wormadam finally reached Magmortar’s den, he explained his evil plan : "So, you came here to save your beloved girlfriend? It’s too late, she is mine now. I’m going to start my own hive with her and with the male Combees. I’m going to take all the honey the hive will produce. Then, I will sell it and I will become rich!".
"Help!!!", Vespiquen and the Combees screamed.
"Release them now!", Wormadam shouted.
"Of course not! I’m going to destroy you, stupid worm!", Magmortar raged.

This is when a battle started between him and Wormadam.
The Fire-type Pokemon began with Flamethrower, so the worm-like Pokemon used Protect, as she was afraid of fire. That was not a problem for Magmortar, who used Flamethrower again. Wormadam was terrified, but she eventually managed to avoid the attack.
"You should use your mirror power now. Otherwise, you may not be able to avoid the next Flamethrower attacks.", Vespiquen suggested. As a result, her girlfriend used Mirror Shot, which lowered Magmortar’s accuracy.
During the next turn, he tried to use Flamethrower again, but she used Protect again because she was still afraid of fire. She was wondering if she could really win this battle. However, she had to keep on fighting for her beloved girlfriend and for the Combees.
Suddenly, Vespiquen exclaimed : "Use your Hidden Power!". Magmortar, who was very proud of his Hidden Power, used it. The attack was successful, but it was not very effective on Wormadam. "It is an Ice-type Hidden Power, which is great!", the pink Pokemon thought. Then, she used her Water-type Hidden Power, which was super effective against the cruel Pokemon.
During the next few turns, Vespiquen kept on telling both Pokemon to use their Hidden Power. Even though Magmortar’s Hidden Power was not very effective against Wormadam, he kept on using that move because he was so proud of it. Sometimes, Wormadam managed to avoid the attack thanks to Magmortar’s lowered accuracy, but even when she didn’t, it was not a big problem for her. Meanwhile, her Hidden Power inflicted a lot of damage on him. Eventually, she managed to defeat the Fire-type Pokemon.

While Magmortar was unconscious, Wormadam quickly opened the nets.
"Thank you very much.", the Combees whispered before flying away.
"Thank you very much, Wormadam! You saved me and you fought very bravely!", Vespiquen thanked.
"No worries, Vespiquen! Thank you for helping me during the battle! Let’s get out of here before Magmortar gets up again.", Wormadam replied.
The worm-like Pokemon climbed on her girlfriend’s back and the bee-like Pokemon flew away. That’s how the couple got out of Magmortar’s den as quickly as possible and without leaving footprints. They lived happily ever after… and did not have any offspring.

Other: I don't know what you mean by "Other".

[K'sariya]

Username: K’sariya
Team: Avalon Apostles
Entry: Fusion
“He’s eaten the sun, mi’lord.”

Frozen horns capture the firelight as slumbering head raises, turns. Yellow eyes, pupiless, glow a bit brighter as he focuses on the familiar figure sitting before him in the vast cavern. His thunderous growl echoes deeply, infinitely, against the icy walls.

Slim muzzle rises and she gazes back steadily with ruby eyes, eyes that flash with the fire that swirls slowly between them. Before her, a sturdy wooden staff spins slowly in the air, fire licking at one end. Her left ear flicks. Its oversized tuft of auburn ear fur billows behind it, lagging behind the motion. The Delphox lets the silence, broken only by the crackling of the flames, settle for a few more moments. Then--

“Would you like to see?” Her voice echoes in his thoughts again, softer this time. One of his feet takes a heavy step forward, its three claws grating against the elevated pillar of ice that he rests upon. He takes a look around the fire-lit dome of ice surrounding them, gazing apprehensively at the glassy darkness beyond, then long neck cranes his ice-plated head low, toward her.

Voice so guttural, gravelled, and deep that when it booms out into the cavern, it’s almost indistinguishable from his previous growls. “Yes.”

She closes her eyes. Psychic spin of the flame gradually slows, then reverses. It picks up speed until the disc of devouring flame forms shadows, then shapes, then images within its portal. Kyurem takes another step, cold heart heavy with dread.

A lion crafted from golden steel, mane bursting like the sun, thunders with long strides across the darkness. Thick black armor locks around pure blue eyes like an obsidian mask. Shadowed arms, clawed like wings, spread from its similarly shackled back. The beast stops in the black void, swings its head from side to side, as if looking for something, then brings cerulean eyes to meet its viewers’.

The Delphox gasps, eyes flying open as she brings furred arms clapped close about the fire. It extinguishes and plunges them into darkness. Through the cavern crafted from his own icy essence, he feels her paws slip, and the ice behind her erupts to catch her fall backwards. He feels her catch herself on the chunk, though her stick clatters to the ground. The beast rumbles, and this time, there’s something comforting about the sound.

He knows what he must do. “Summon Reshiram,” comes the order, as Kyurem turns to lunge from the platform. His landing shakes the massive cavern of ice.

“I don’t think she’ll--”

“Now, Kichonne.”

Unflinchingly, she glares, then slowly lowers herself down upon her crossed legs. She retrieves her staff, takes a deep breath, then exhales flame gently onto the limb. Palm holds the staff outward and it drifts, weightlessly, still for a moment before it begins to spin…


***

His domain parts for him, ice crackling and popping as it seems to peel away from his very gaze, tunneling him up, up, upward. In the pitch black darkness, he doesn’t even realize that he’s close to the outside until he hears the low drone of the howling wind. It echoes down the path he’s left in his wake, hollow and mournful like the haunting calls of wind whispering through a seashell. He presses on, and opens the tunnel to the weather. Snow blasts his features, and he takes the blow without flinching, only pausing to realize fully how much worse things had become. He steps out into the blizzard created by his own domain.

Whiteouts, the humans had once called these storms. Snow so thick and driving that it was all you could see, unable to tell up from down and left from right. But now, it was only black, without an ounce of light for even the snow to reflect.

Nostrils set on draconic maw flare, then from them bursts a snort of air. In the pitch, the blizzard recoils from his form, exploding away from him as if it’d been struck. It casts itself out a mile, its whirling edges waiting far in the distance, hiding his domain from the outside while giving him a clear, funneled view up into the sky within.

There’s nothing. It’s still black, like tar. If it weren’t for the roar of the wind moving to the distance, he wouldn’t even be able to tell that he’d done anything at all. It makes sense, though--without Solgaleo to chase the sun, the moon had no brilliance to reflect, leaving a dark and empty sky. Even if Lunala were foolish enough to herd the moon and make herself vulnerable to the light-devouring Necrozma, there wouldn’t be any light to shine. Kyurem’s yellow eyes narrow, adjusting again to the light just enough to be able to see the faint, almost nonexistent twinkle of the stars. He’s surprised that Necrozma hadn’t eaten, too.

Far off, an orange glow illuminates the towering wall of the blizzard, a lick of fire blasting through it. Good. Another fiery glow dances on his own icy wings behind him. Kichonne emerges behind him, ablaze staff clenched in her paws.

”She’s here,” comes the telepathic message, dryly. Kyurem’s underbitten jaw juts forward, sets hard with his resolve.

The pure white dragon alights before them, wingarms scattering powdered snow. Blue gaze glares at them beneath her long, split crest, its ends billowing behind her. Her light emanates from her thick, cylindrical tail, glowing with fire that bursts from between the tail’s containing bands. The fresh snow melts a bit beneath her two legs from the heat.

In the cold, steam pours from heated form. ”Kyurem. You’re sure that we’re safe here?”

He nods. ”The blizzard protects your light from his view, as long as you were careful outside.”

Reshiram gives a soft snort of derision. If things were less dire, perhaps she’d be more insulted by the implication that she’d be the one who would get them killed. She knows why she’s here, but she asks anyway. ”You called?”

”We have to stop him.”

Reshiram’s tail flares more fiercely as her expectations are confirmed. ”Why we? You know it’s the humans who woke him. Let them face their own consequences, let them stop him themselves.“

”They don’t have that kind of power.”

”And we do?”

Silence.

“...perhaps not,” he ventures gruffly, “but is this—“ Heavy skull swings to gesture at the imprisoning clouds that whirl around them in the distance. “—how you want to live?” If there was one thing that he knew Reshiram was afraid of, it was darkness, and begin consumed by it.

The thin lines of Reshiram’s mouth twisted downward. She sighs.

“Alright, then.” Head lowers, snowy wings folding back against her sides. Eyes drift close, then one opens to peer at him. “Try not to get us both killed, Kyurem.”

He nods. Stance widens, bracing his heavy form against the ground. Icy appendages on his back contort, cocking forward. Brilliant blue electricity sparks between the icicles at their ends, lunging across his form. He closes his eyes. Streaks of frozen light surge forward and arc about the other dragon’s large form. They tighten about her, constricting, and sap the fire from her blazing tail, pulling it back to Kyurem.

Their bodies begin to glow, the light intensifying into an all-devouring light, brighter than this world has seen in a long time, so bright that it pierces the thick wall of snow and clouds curled about them. When it fades, only one remains.

Kyurem’s stance has straightened, his stature grown taller. Left arm has extended to one with a white-feathered wing, the left half of his crown flowing back in a billowing plume. His right blossoms into a bracer of ice.

A horrendous screech tears the world asunder, a cry so piercing and wrenching that even Kyurem White cannot help but flinch. Heart thunders within frozen chest at the sound. He turns, slashing his arm out in Kichonne’s direction. She gives a knowing nod, then begins whirling her flaming staff more fiercely. A funnel of flame whirls from it, blasting through the snow and down to the neglected grasses beneath.

The ring of fire circles them. Kyurem dips his head to her in thanks, and then she withdraws into the shelter of the cave. He closes the entrance behind her.

Steel lion appears above, its steel and obsidian body glimmering in the firelight. It touches down in the snow several yards away. The light of their fusion had drawn a visitor.

Kyurem stares into the glossy black mask, so smooth and crystalline that it reflects his features back to him. He stares at the mixture of his and Reshiram’s expressions, a rare mixture of emotions coursing through him. They would either save the human race from themselves, or they would die trying, though he’d be foolish to think that they were doing this for fully selfish reasons.

”Your creator would be disappointed in you,” Kyurem says. The great steel lion gives a snort of contempt. The sound rings and echoes clearly within glassy mask.

”I am my own creator.” That same screech from earlier echoes beneath lilting, alien voice, quieter, but still enough to make Kyurem’s ears ring.

Here, staring at the beast that has devoured Solgaleo against his will, Kyurem sees that it is this that he could have become. Had Arceus not intervened when the humans had fused the power of the DNA splicer into him, he might have become just like Necrozma: hungry, insatiable, tearing the world asunder. Somewhere within, he feels pity for the alien creature, the alien creature that is not so different from him.

He sees himself reflected in obsidian mask in the moment before it charges.

Kyurem’s foot stomps heavily on the snow, summoning ice from beneath. Pillars rip from the ground in front of him, blocking the lion’s lunge, but not for long—it swings its black steel tail into the pillar as it lands. The ice shatters, shards flying, but Kyurem doesn’t flinch. He parts his maw and from it ripples a roar.

The sound booms across the snow, echoing back on the distant walls. Necrozma takes a step back, its own crystalline body reflecting the Noble Roar painfully about it. It’s then that Kyurem ends the calm, and all at once the blizzard comes rushing in once more, roaring like a beast finally let loose.

In the cover of the whiteout, things fall dark. He shrouds himself in snow as a soft orange glow whisks over his body, a deep burgundy aura wrapping about him as he charges the Ice Burn.

A blast of metal bursts through the snow. The Mirror Shot cracks square against his shoulder. Icy left bracer shatters, its shards ripped away by the wind. He reels with a cry, upper body curling forward in pain for only a moment before black shadow streaks from the darkness.

Kyurem coats his left wing arm with steel just in time to raise it up to shield his body. The lion collides with it, metallic mane braced against Kyurem’s wing. The force drives the ice dragon’s feet into the snow, but he feels himself slipping, faltering, sliding back. Necrozma surges forward, breaking the guard with a toss of his head, sending him flying hard onto his back and tail. He lunges forward to finish the downed dragon, but pillars of ice and rock erupt once more beneath the leaping creature. The ring of ice on metal screeches out as the glacier impacts the alien’s stomach. Necrozma lands on the snow with a thud.

The dragon stumbles upright, orange glow sweeping about him once more, and this time, he makes it—the Ice Burn forms a ball of freezing light in front of him, and he launches it at Dusk Mane. In the glow, he sees the lion rise, its maw gape—

—and then the ball has stopped in front of him, and it’s shrinking as Dusk Mane Necrozma devours the light.

Stunned, Kyurem summons the blizzard’s full force. The wind screams as it whirls snow around them, but the alien creature isn’t deterred. Kyurem charges forward, the fire of a Fusion Flare erupting from his tail, charging what he hopes will be the only thing that can stop the inevitable—

Necrozma reaches the threshold, and explodes with blinding light.

”Now, Kyurem!” Kichonne’s voice thunders in his head.

Kyurem blasts blue-hot fire through the creature as it ascends.

The blizzard clears, and the world, illuminated with light, grows still.

Ultra Necrozma hovers, its tall, spindly-winged form seemingly frozen in time above them, stories tall. It’s very being, formed with unbridled light, drifts in the air, split in two by the fiery blow that had torn it asunder mid-burst. Slowly, the two pieces slide apart, and then in another explosion, the beast imparts the light that it had stolen back to the world.

Where Necrozma had been standing, Solgaleo opens his eyes, and where Kyurem had stood, he stands now with Reshiram, leaning heavily on the white dragon beside him.

The sun-chaser staggers to his feet. Blue eyes turn upon the two dragons before him, and the creature, ever prideful, offers only a begrudging nod of thanks before taking an unsteady step, then bounding away.

“You almost lost,” Reshiram observes lowly. Kyurem gives a soft snort, bumping his head against her stomach before pushing carefully away from her.

”But I didn’t.”

They’re interrupted by a light in the sky as the sun finally rises.

Other:
I’ve been on a Necrozma kick recently, so a light/dark theme was a perfect way for me to fulfill that. Kyurem/Necrozma are parallel in their fusing powers. Reshiram acts out of fear of the darkness, and Necrozma out of fear of the light.

Sad I had to rush this in the end to meet the deadline (had to make a long drive yesterday, and was carsick the whole time so didn’t get to work on it like I wanted to). But hopefully it’s not too bad. Thanks for hosting <3

[LKWayvern]

Taking a pause from my reading and scoring to ask-- why are there so many Avalon Apostles? Did y'all coordinate an assault on this event specifically or something?

[VeloJello]

Taking a pause from my reading and scoring to ask-- why are there so many Avalon Apostles? Did y'all coordinate an assault on this event specifically or something?

Unless they're staging a coup, I don't think so? XD I think we ended up being the most populous team, is all.

[Noblejanobii]

Username: Noblejanobii
Team: Avalon Apostles
Entry: Amy threaded the needle carefully, making the red string was set before continuing to sew. She was almost finished with the last outfit for her clothing line. She was supposed to present this line to a panel of judges tomorrow. It was part of an intense competition amongst many designers from around the world. Amy had made it into the finals and was competing against one other designer. This was her chance into the big leagues, and she wasn’t able to give it up for anything in the world, not when she had the opportunity to design for gods just out of her reach.

Amy leaned back and sighed, looking over her finished product. The brilliant red dress had been inspired by a pilot’s outfit, with long sleeves that were shaped similar to the wings on a plane. The whole line had actually be inspired by D&D characters she and her friends had conceived. This particular dress was based on her own character, dubbed the “Red Baroness”. She had picked this as the inspiration because she felt it would put the most emotion behind her work, but Amy was worried it wouldn’t be enough. She let out a slow breath as she glanced over all the other outfits in the room. Tomorrow was the big day.

Amy stood up and packed up her things. Now she had to spend the rest of her night working herself up to tomorrow. The one major downside to these competitions was her immense stage fright. While it was easy for her to perform in front of her friends, in front of a live studio audience was a whole other deal. She had a ritual for it though, so everything would be alright. Amy nodded to herself, repeating the phrase in her head as she left.

Nichols watched as Amy exited her studio. She didn’t notice the other designer as she left for the night. The poor delusional girl had somehow made it this far in the competition. As much as Nichols wanted to deny her talent, it would be foolish not to recognize it. They had the same power and skill in fashion design, it was just a matter of expression. While this girl used her talent to create costumes for magicians and other performers, a true creator, like himself, would only create art. And that was why Amy had to go.

Nichols stopped the door from closing and slipped inside the designer studio. He gazed over the various pieces of clothing and shook his head. Beautiful work. Too bad it had to go. Nichols noticed a pair of scissors next to the full length mirror. He picked up the scissors and noticed his reflection in the glass. He smiled at it. Good. He looked as pretty as ever. Nichols walked over to the striking red dress that looked just finished and opened up the scissors, then got to work. He smiled wider as the fabric gracefully fell to the floor. In a matter of minutes, all the outfits had been damaged, ad his work was done.

Nichols looked at his reflection in the scissors one more time before setting them down. Straightening his clothes and hair, the fashion designer exited the room and made his way towards his home for the night. Tomorrow was the big day. He could not and would not lose to some… impoverished wannabe with an eye for design. No one else would ever challenge him anyway and he wanted to keep it that way. Tears made for better pictures anyway.

***

Amy gasped as she entered her studio. Her sewing kit dropped and exploded on the floor, needles and thread scattering everywhere as Amy stared in shock at the remains of her designs. They had been sliced to ribbons, barely resembling the outfits they had once been. Amy stepped closer to the red dress she had finished the previous night, the outfit she had been the most proud of. She barely recognized the seams she had spent hours sewing. Whoever had done this had not only done it intentionally, but knew what they were doing. There was no way to repair all the outfits in time for the competition. Amy looked at her watch then towards the mirror nearby. She was going to have to confront the judges. One of her competitors did this, and she had a feeling it was Nichols. He was the only one with active motive after all. But confrontation… speaking her mind… this wouldn’t be easy. She could feel her fear’s icy fingers clenching her heart already. It would only grow worse as she pursued this. But she had to. There was no alternative.

Amy watched her reflection take a deep breath before closing her eyes and exhaling. She could do this. Turning heel to exit her studio, Amy paused. She looked at the red dress again and returned it. She carefully removed it from its stand and brought it with her as she walked down the hall. Amy slowed as she got closer to the offices for the staff of the competition. The chilling fingers of fear squeezed her, causing her to shiver. Amy took a step back and nearly jumped out of her skin when a voice called to her from behind. “Oh, Amy! What are you doing out of your studio? Shouldn’t you be preparing for the show?” Amy turned and saw Nichols standing behind her. His arms were tucked neatly behind his back, his hair gelled down to perfection, and his glasses resting on the end of his nose as he stared down at her with a smug smile.

Amy’s grip on her dress tightened and her mouth twisted into a snarl as her fear quickly morphed into anger. She held up her dress and snapped, “You did this!” Nichols gasped, putting a hand on his chest in offense. “Amy, I never suspected you to be the type. Were you not able to finish your line in time? So you destroyed your own robes to pin the blame on me?” Nichols shook his head. “I’m shocked at you, Amy. I really thought you had a shot in the fashion world but… not if you behave like this.”

Amy stared at Nichols, unsure of how to react to that. Had she been wrong? Was he not the culprit? But she hadn’t done it so… who did? Amy shook her head and growled, “Okay fine, so maybe you didn’t do it. But I’m still reporting this.”

“Ah ah ah.” Nichols shook his finger and said, “Don’t you remember? They said at the beginning you would take full responsibility for any damage to your clothes. If you report, you forfeit.” Nichols shrugged and tilted his head to the side. “Looks like you’re out of options little girl. Hope you can repair the those beautiful rags of yours.”

Amy stared as Nichols walked away. Fury exploded inside her body as she nearly ripped the dress in her hands. She exhaled hard and tapped her foot. Was he right? Could she really not report this? Could she repair everything in time? Amy looked at the nearest clock. She had twelve hours. Amy nodded. If she had help she could do this. Taking her phone out of her pocket, Amy began to walk towards her studio. She listened as the other end rang twice.

“Hello?” a voice answered.

“Theresa,” Amy said, “Gather the others, I need some help.”

***

Ember whistled as she and the others entered the room. “Yikes,” she mumbled, “They did a number on your line.”

“Isn’t it against the rules to have us help?” Theresa asked as she walked up to the shirt and skirt based on herself.

“Technically, yes,” Amy answered, already working on mending the red dress. “But so long as you don’t do any of the actual sewing we should be fine. Just set everything up for me. Thread the needles, set up the machines, etc. All hands on deck. It’s going to be speedy but steady.”

Cruise clapped his hands. “Right, got it. Let’s win this competition.”

The three helpers broke and began to set everything for Amy. Cruise worked on threading the needles, his eyesight the best out of all of them. Ember looked over the outfits and picked the ones with the easiest mending jobs to feed to Amy first. Theresa kept the room cool, ensuring none of the machinery overheated as it worked.

Amy adjusted her glasses, ensuring she was able to see the thread properly see she switched between machine and hand threaded. Each outfit was unique but she remembered the patterns well. The damage was plenty, with some outfits appearing totally different after they were mended. The seconds ticked away into minutes, and then into hours. All nervous eyes were on the clock as the deadline drew closer.

Amy held her breath to keep the hem steady as she patched a sea green dress. It was now substantially shorter than before, but with the way it was hemmed, it now gave the effect of sea foam at the bottom of the dress. Honestly, Nichols had done her a favor with this outfit.

Amy leaned back as she removed the dress from the machine, examining it to ensure nothing else needed to be done with it. She nodded and held it out to Theresa. “Okay Ember, bring me the next one.”

“That’s it,” Ember said, “You’ve somehow managed to mend them all.” She looked at the clock. “But at a cost…”

Amy’s head snapped to the clock. “Crap!” she shouted. She stood up and pointed to the dress hanging on the door. “Theresa, help me change. Cruise, Ember, grab two of the racks. We were supposed to be out there half an hour ago. Pray they haven’t disqualified me.”

The three helpers quickly moved to their positions and it wasn’t long before Amy was dashing through the halls of the arena. A stage manager spotted her and grabbed her roughly. “Where have you been? You’re late! They’re about to declare Nichols the winner. Go go go!”

The stage manager shoved Amy out into the light. She immediately froze. She hadn’t been able to prepare herself. The chilling claws of fear shank into her heart and squeezed. She became short of breath as she felt all eyes on her. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t see. She couldn’t hear. She couldn’t breathe. Amy stumbled and started to run off stage. She couldn’t do this! Everything was ruined!

“Amy! AMY!” Amy lifted her head and was barely able to make out Theresa standing off stage. Amy shook her head and mouthed “I can’t do this.” Theresa stamped her foot and started to walk onto the stage when the stage manager grabbed her.

“I’m sorry, but you can’t go out there,” he said.

Theresa bared her teeth at the stage manager. “Watch me,” she growled as she shoved the man off of her. She ran out onto the stage and grabbed Amy’s arms. “Shh shh, it’s okay, Amy. You can do this. This is your dream, remember?”

Amy shook her head again. “I-I can’t. Everything is ruined. Let’s just go home.”

Theresa pat Amy’s arm and smiled. “If that’s what you really want, then okay. But, think about how hard you worked to get here. You just spent the last twelve hours straight working to save those outfits. Don’t you want to show the fruits of your labor?” Theresa linked her arm with Amy’s. “I’ll be right here, okay?”

Amy looked at their arms before nodding. “You’re… you’re right. Let’s go.”

Theresa walked Amy further onto the stage. Nichols stood smirking as he looked over the hastily altered clothes that were currently being modeled. “Is this the best you have?” he asked.

“After what you did, yes,” Amy answered meekly. She looked out to the judges. They didn’t seem impressed. Amy squeezed Theresa’s hand and watched them nervously from the stage. She was still frightened out of her mind, her legs barely functional. But with Theresa there, at least she could somewhat stand up to the evil villain that she was now faced with.

As the models exited the stage, the judges signaled for Amy and Nichols to come forward. Amy clung to Theresa tightly as they walked to the end of the stage. The head judge, Minos, stood up. He was known for being the most critical of the judges that competitors faced in the fashion industry. He could make or break someone’s career.

Minos cleared his throat and stared between the three that stood before him. “I must say, Mr. Jenson, you work was impressive as always. You seem to just have a muse in your head spouting constant inspiration.” Nichols puffed out his chest and gave Amy a smug glance. “However, I must admit, we are all much more impressed with Miss Risa's work.”

“H-Huh?” Amy stuttered out.

“I’m sorry,” Nikols interrupted, “What? Her outfits are practically rags!”

“No thanks to you,” Minos answered, “We had planned to disqualify you as soon as the incident was reported, but it never was. Instead, Miss Risa worked all day to repair the damage you had done. While her outfits were much more beautiful prior to your wreckage, Miss Risa turned the outfits into something quite admirable. Overall, out of the two of you, we feel she is the true victor here, the true hero.”

Theresa gasped and grinned at Amy. She hugged her tightly. “You did it!”

Amy split into a large smile and cheered with her girlfriend. “I did it! I did it!” She laughed and squeezed Theresa.

Minos approached them on the stage and held out his hand to Amy. “Congratulations, young lady. I look forward to seeing how you overcome future evils in the future."
Other: Barely had time to write this with work but it's DONE! GAH!

[LKWayvern]

That's four of you Avalon Apostles people! How many are even in your group!?

(While I'm here-- 4/6 entries read and commentated on, but will hold off until the deadline before actually scoring them.)

[Coru]

Username: Coru
Team: Sabotage Squadran
Entry:
The link
This story does have dark parts to it that include death/murder. There's no graphic detail and the parts that mention it are brief but just as a warning to people. I did keep it PG 13 but wanted to warn people.

It was dark, the atmosphere grim. The intense silence beckoned Addie to follow. Fumbling around the house, she found herself at her parent’s bedroom. It was so dark, but somehow a silhouette in the room was visible, as if void of all light. It seemed much darker than everything else in the room. “Mommy?” She whispered. “Mommy, is that you?”. The figure turned with great haste. She couldn’t make out the face but she could see that the figure had bold wild eyes and a huge toothy grin. His teeth, gold and yellow, gleamed in the moonlight. Addie then looked over to the bed. Her eyes had adjusted enough to make out the scene in the bedroom. Streaks of red lined her parent’s bed and on the headboard. Lying in the middle were her parents, motionless and with a look of pure fear frozen on their faces. As the figure grew closer, Addie screamed. Her scream echoed through the house but then a voice boomed for all angles.
“Addie. Addie wake up. It’s a nightmare wake up”

Addie leaped out of bed, sweat dripping down her brow and heart pumping so hard she thought it would burst. “Addie are you ok?” Morty asked, looking concerned.
She nodded back. “I was dreaming about that night.”
Morty sighed and tensed up. “I wish I was there. I would have ripped that man apart!”
Addie glared at her. “Well you weren’t were you! You were asleep. Besides, we were 5, it’s not like you could have done anything to him.” Addie looked uncomfortable.
“Fine.” Said Morty. “But if we knew about our powers when we were younger we could have stopped it.” Morty stormed out, visibly angry.
Addie got up out of bed and slowly walked over to her mirror. Looking at herself, she saw her huge dark circles under her eyes and sighed. Addie wasn’t the stereotypical ‘pretty girl’ in school so everyone bullied her and as an extension bullied Morty too. They were identical twins but somehow Morty looked much prettier and got more attention than Addie. For identical twins, they were so different, but one thing bonded them together. Their ‘gift’.
Ever since their parents died, they could reach into people’s minds, explore them and manipulate them. Addie vowed to herself never to manipulate people but just to learn about people through their thought, but Morty with all her anger sees her gift as a right to abuse and manipulate people. She feels like they are inferior to her and they don’t deserve to right to have free will around her. Maybe that’s why she’s so popular and when she gets bullied it stops almost instantly.
Addie sat on her bed and forced herself to get ready for school.

The school bell rang summoning the students into the school building. Addie unenthusiastically climbed the concrete steps into the school building and found her way to English class. The room was littered with quotes from famous writers. Shakespeare, Wordsworth, Austen. It was a way to ‘Inspire young writers’ but Addie found it patronizing. She sat down at her old creaky desk and began sorting through her bag to find her books.
“Careful there, Black eyes!” A voice shouted. At that moment, Todd, the school bully came over and threw her bag across the room, scattering its contents across the classroom. A huge howl of laughter came from the other classmates as Addie fumbled to collect her stuff. Crawling across the floor to find her stuff, she bumped into the teacher who had just walked in. “What are you doing, miss?” the voice bellowed. Addie flinched, shocked at the loudness of the voice. She jumped up, apologized to the teacher and sat herself back down. She could just get her other things at the end of the lesson she thought.
“Are you ok?” A voice echoed in Addie’s mind. “Yes Morty, thanks for helping…” Addie snarkily replied. Then silence, just a glare from across the room to each other and then they focussed into the lesson. “Hello class, I’m Mr Baton. I’m here as a replacement for Ms Bradford whilst she’s having her baby.” Addie studied his figure. There was something odd about him, as if she knew him from somewhere. He was tall, had a bulky figure and large wild eyes. She couldn’t place the familiarity but just ignored it.

“Now, I want to change some things up a bit from now on. Ms Bradford liked for you to choose your own books for study but we are all going to study the same book together that I have chosen this time. I’m sure you will all enjoy it.” He grinned, showing off his two gold teeth and it hit her. It was him. The man from that night. It must be. Overwhelmed with emotion, Addie got up and stumbled out of the room trying to hold it together until she made it to the bathroom. Looking at herself in the mirror, she burst into tears. Look what he turned her into. A wreck. A dysfunctional human. She couldn’t have him teach her for the next year, she couldn’t deal with it. At that moment, Morty bursted in. “What the hell was that?! Trying to make us both look stupid are you?!” She folded her arms expecting an explanation. “No Morty. It’s him. That teacher. He killed Mom and Dad.” Addie exclaimed.
Morty stands there for a few seconds looking shocked. “What?! It’s not possible...” She replied.
“He’s finally back. He’s come to finish us off!” Addie shouted, distraught.
Morty comforted her and they both decided to ditch school for the day.

Addie was back in that dark corridor of her house. She knew what was going to come but had to play along anyway. She fumbled to the bedroom, knowing what was going to be there. This time she somehow got there earlier. She was witnessing what was happening. The man was just standing there, watching whilst her parents attacked each other. It made no sense. Why was she just remembering this now, and what was happening? Was this real, or did she just make it up? Addie woke up wet from sweat and heart racing. No wonder she has dark circles under eyes, she thought. She hasn’t had a decent night’s sleep since that night. Especially since it didn’t happen just the once. Her and her sister had been bounced from family member to family member, each dying a mysterious death shortly after. They only caught a break as soon as they could get their own place between them.
She walks to the bathroom and turns on the shower. The shower is the perfect place for her to think. The sound blocks Morty from listening in to her thoughts. Addie tried to make sense of her dream. Could what she originally have seen been a lie she had created to protect herself from the truth? Did he force them to do it to each other? What did it mean?
Addie turns off the shower and steps out, drying herself and getting ready for another day at school.
It had been six months now since Addie had that dream and she is still unsure of it. However, she grew more anxious day by day about her new teacher. She got regular panic attacks before English class and had asked multiple times for a class transfer, which were denied every time. Morty decided that enough was enough. During break, Morty pulled Addie into the bathroom. “Look, you can’t keep doing this. We need to do something and I have a plan.” Morty said, as she made sure no one was in the bathroom.
“I will set something up to make sure that he will never teach at this school again. So he will have to leave and leave us alone for good. What do you think?” She continued
“To scare him off or something?” Addie asked.
“Uh.. definitely. You got it!” Morty said suspiciously.
Addie agreed as she was desparate to get rid of him. It was too painful to keep looking at him every day in English class. They both left the bathroom and they both parted to go to their own lessons. They both looked back to each other and Morty gave Addie a little nod to reassure her.
It was English class, it was time for Morty to scare off Mr Baton. Addie would just sit there with her head on the desk, not wanting to know what it was. Mr Baton walked in slowly, Morty focussed and at that moment, she made Mr Baton fall. She manipulated his mind to think his legs had become numb and he fell. However, he hit his head off the corner of his steel office table. With a loud thud, he collapsed to the floor emotionless and still. All Addie heard was the thud and all of the student gasp in shock.
“Don’t open your eyes. It went a little… wrong.” Morty’s voice boomed in Addie’s head.
That whole afternoon was a blur. Police came, an ambulance came and everyone was in shock. Addie questioned the whole incident. She never thought that Morty was capable of murder, but at the same time, he never did come back so who really knows what the intention was. Did she do it on purpose or did it all go really wrong?

Addie is back once again in the dark hallway. At this point she knows what’s coming so she walks slowly towards the dimly lit room without fear. However, this time was different. The dream changed again. She couldn’t believe her eyes. There she was, in his place while it all happened. Morty. She was five, but was watching smiling as her parents attacked each other. The man was gone, nowhere to be seen. Just her in his place. Her smile beamed, but then the floorboards under Addie creaked. Morty’s head swiftly turned to her and a look of anger and evilness glinted in Morty’s eyes. All of a sudden she descended on Addie screaming. It was at this point Addie woke up. It was at this point she knew the truth. Everything was coming together now. She did it. Of course she did. Morty always hated the ‘humans’ she believed we were higher than them. She just thought it was because one killed their parents, but no. She killed her parents because she thought that. That’s how her other family members all were killed strangely, and that’s why Mr Baton was killed. It was a pure coincidence that she dreamt him up rather than her sister and if she got rid of him, Morty knew that Addie would drop everything and never think to solve the puzzle. Addie sat up in her bed, panicking. What was she going to do? How was she going to sort out that her sister was a serial killer. It was at that point Addie heard from the dark corner of her room. “How was your nightmare Addie? Are you ok?”
Addie looked over to see Morty with a wide grin on her face. Her face twisted and contorted into something non human.
“It was you.” Addie exclaimed.

I hope it isn't too long. Got a little carried away with the story I got into it so much. I'm not a big writer so it's not amazing but I found the idea really interesting. I did plan on developing the ending a bit more but I ran out of time.

[Shruikan]

There would have been 5, but sadly I couldn't get my entry finished in time... Oh well, good luck to everyone else who entered :)

[LKWayvern]

There would have been 5, but sadly I couldn't get my entry finished in time... Oh well, good luck to everyone else who entered :) If you can somehow finish it in... ten minutes, it will be accepted.


If it's any consolation, though, next challenge will be two weeks.

[LKWayvern]

I have 100 points to divy up to the varying categories. There are 20 points in the Originality category, 35 in the Characters category, 35 in the Coherency category, and 10 in the Spelling and Grammar category. This week, there were seven submission, so I had to make not-very-many points go a lot of ways, and there were some very good entries.
In addition to the scores, I have commentary and feedback I wrote down while reading through the entries. I hope to see you all in the second challenge. Good luck to your respective teams.

In the Blink of an Eye

Username: VeloJello
Team: Avalon Apostles
Entry: In the Blink of an Eye

Commentary and Scoring

Commentary:[/u]

Already enjoying how you set the scene and describe the location, and the protagonist himself.

I wonder a little if color’s going to come into play more-- you mentioned streetlights casting a blue light, and then the blur that I assume is our antagonist is red, creating a contrast.

And immediately setting the stakes for Moment, and showing why he’s so nervous-- Moment’s fairly new to the scene, while his target Scorpio seems to have no qualms about maiming his foes.

Moment having his own weapons, like a taser and pepper spray, in addition to his power. I only recall seeing that in one other superhero story, but I do like a lot where it pops up-- you can’t rely just on your own power, it may give out or prove less useful than you’d like in some situations. Good on Moment for being prepared.

Also like the mention of Moment’s powers having limits of some kind-- it always makes a power, and how it’s used, more interesting when there are limits and weaknesses one has to find a way around.

Oh hey, a semi-colon.

Also like the mention of Moment’s costume being store-bought. Not all heroes have the time, skill, and resources to commission a costume or make it themself.

And there go the colors again-- Moment’s costume is blue, similar to the streetlights, contrasting Scorpio.

And now I’m curious about how prisons for supers are handled here.

I suppose that the fear may be being sent to the aforementioned super-prison? In that other superhero story I mentioned, there was a prison for superheroes that went to extreme measures to keep supervillains in, so much so that it was impossible to take anyone out again once someone was sent inside that prison. I wonder what measures are taken in this setting, and if anyone here is ever allowed out.

Ooh. Yeah, that’s really gonna hurt.

I wonder how Scorpio got his name-- if he selected it, or if the media dubbed him that, and if there’s meaning behind it.

I liked Scorpio getting help for Moment. Adds something more to his character beyond being just a typical bad guy. That being said-- he is still a criminal, still wary of ending up in that super-jail, and afraid of whatever goes on in there.

Originality:
You didn’t go into a whole lot of detail about the world this is set in or how their respective powers worked, which is very understandable considering how short this was, and your time limit. I did see some flashes of worldbuilding, with things like the mention of how jails for supers were run, how Moment had teachers, how this was a gig, as in someone would presumably pay Moment for taking down Scorpio, and that Moment was months into it, meaning Moment was tracking Scorpio specifically for a while. You didn’t put all this information in an exposition dump, which I liked, but got a lot of interesting worldbuilding out a bit at a time, and I think you handled it quite well. I also liked a lot how Moment and Scorpio had two different powers, but they were used in the same way, especially in this fight-- I thought that that was an interesting use of that guideline.

Three points for Originality.

Characters:
Superhero stories are a much-loved trope. Admittedly, you see many more of them in comics and action movies than written literature-- the only written superhero story I can think of off the top of my head is the one I occasionally referenced in my commentary, called Worm. It was less the fact that these were both superhero stories, and more the fact that most characters in Worm are more in shades of grey. That being said, in Worm, that tends to be because the vast majority of the characters do bad things for what they think are the right reason. The shades of grey here are more positive, I feel, which I liked a lot-- Scorpio has his speech about survival of the fastest, it’s true, but he also assists a fledgling superhero in surviving the encounter. Like I said earlier, he may be a criminal, but he’s not just evil, which I really liked.
And then there was Moment, who I also loved. I feel you did really well with his trepidation and anxiety, and setting the stakes for him. You mentioned him having teachers, so I’m curious if there’s a mentor system set in place for the fledgling superheroes of this world, how they trained him, if they’re the ones who got him this gig, and if they could have given him budget for gear and costumes.

Seven points for Characters.

Coherency:
I had no problems with coherency. When you did change perspective, it was a clear shift, and I could see the difference between Moment’s perspective and Scorpio’s persective.

Four points for Coherency.

Spelling and Grammar:
I saw no serious issues.

Two points for Spelling and Grammar.



Fifteen points total for VeloJello of the Avalon Apostle’s ‘In the Blink of an Eye’.

Shatterpoint

Username: Neo Emolga
Team: Avalon Apostles
Entry: Shatterpoint

Commentary and Scoring

Commentary:

Ooooo, I really like this beginning, draws you right in. Who is this unnamed protagonist? What is it they’re so scared of, and what is this horrible thing feeding on their fear? How’d they get in this unfortunate situation? Guess I gotta keep reading!

Karos, is that our pitiful protag? Break them? Who are they? Go back where, and what’s preventing him from doing so?

Ah, ‘twas a nightmare. And oooo, this is a Pokemon story? I don’t remember getting any Pokemon stories last year, so this’ll be interesting.

By day, he had to fight them for real. No rest for this guy, it seems.

Fragments of glass, what from, I wonder? And who’s this weird voice talking to Karos?

Oo, a Raichu against a Giratina… Not exactly a fair fight.

So Fokasu is the power to create? To create any other Pokeon? Yikes, I certainly can see now why you don’t want that falling into the wrong hands. You’ve definitely established the stakes for this war, and they are high indeed. Nevermind the world, the fabric of reality is likely in danger, should the wrong Pokemon be brought into existance.

And after this Pokemon is created, is it a new life capable of thinking and feeling and acting on its own? Is it merely an extension of its creator? Is it possible for it to go off and do whatever it pleases, or does it fulfill a specific purpose and then return to nothingness? I wonder how Karos found out about his power-- did he stumble upon it by accident, or did someone identify it within him? Is he capable of using that power now, is he struggling to access it, can he use it but not control it?

Whoops okay one question answered already-- fight and defend whatever Karos decided on. I do wonder if they’re sentient and to what degree, though.

They live forever? Because they’re Legendary Pokemon, or because they’re creations? Jeez louise.

This is a not-quite-as-serious thought, but now I’m wondering if the names Karos rattled off are beautiful and poetic names he crafted for his creations, or if they’re fairly common ones he just picked off the top of his head, like Jonathan, Alexis, Rebecca. The former would be sad and touching, the latter amuses me.


Hm. I wonder if the reason Zevel’s hordes are deranged are because he’s valuing quantity over quality, or if they’re just reflecting his wickedness somehow.

Zevel felt no ‘ping’?

Okay, more of my wondering and speculation being answered. If Karos’ creations can be considered his friends and companions, then I suppose they’re capable of speaking and thinking and feeling on their own, but since Zevel’s creations are gibbering and lacking in the sanity department, I guess it takes some effort and care to make it that way?

How does one act as mentor to a person who can endlessly recreate the gods?

And how did Karos and Zevel gain their gifts? Was it random chance and happenstance? Did some higher god of fate give them it? Have there been others with the Fokasu? How did they wield it? Did Zevel steal it from them somehow, and use their former gift to slaughter them, too?

Humans did exist at some point? How fascinating! I wonder how long this war’s been raging-- decades at the very least.

Zevel had ‘discovered and infested’ this world? I wonder what it was like before then. If it had a purpose, if it had inhabitants, before Zevel invaded it and made it his base of operations.

Well, good thing Karos is a Raichu and has moves like Thunder Wave, I suppose.

A fear of broken glass, huh? Karos seems to have the worst luck.

I liked that scene. Probably won’t totally cure Karos’ phobia, but it’ll help.

I do really like how you describe the scene here, too.

We don’t see the final battle between Karos and Zevel, but I do feel that that was a good place to stop. Had you had more time, I would have absolutely been interested in seeing what, eventually, occurred.

Originality:
I will admit-- when I first posted this first challenge, I wasn’t really expecting a Pokemon submission. After getting certain questions, however, I started expecting it a little.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed this story a lot. I talk later about how I really like the pacing, and how the emotional feeling of the story changes. But I don’t think originality was quite the strongest suit of this story. Giratina is the antagonist of Pokemon stories quite often, the Renegade banished for violence rebelling against the rest of the gods. That being said, original or not, you made it work for this story-- Something about Giratina and mirrors just works excellently. And I will admit, it’s not every day that one sees a Giratina with the power of creation-- typically I see Giratinas with powers over portals, shadows, dimensions, or gravity.
I am extremely curious about humans once existing, though, and I have to wonder a lot about that. Were they Zevel’s first target after destroying the Legendaries, or did they die out long ago due to unrelated circumstances? How long has this world been without its gods, and how has this affected it?

Three points for Originality.

Characters:
This is unsurprising, but of all the characters that I saw in this entry, I think the best one was Karos. He was the one the entire story was told from the perspective of, we hear everything from his point of view-- his thoughts on his powers, his fear, his foe, his creations, his mentor. I did enjoy the interaction between him and Farrel a lot, and how Farrel helped Karos temporarily overcome his phobia. I wish we could have met one of Karos’ creations that he put his heart and soul into, or Zevel himself, but again-- short time limit, so very understandable why we couldn’t

Four points for Characters.

Coherency:
Again, no issues or confusing things with coherency. You began in a quite emotionally-charged in media res, but still found a way to explain what was going on in to get to this point without disrupting the flow, never changing the stakes but slowly bringing down the emotional trepidation Karos was feeling until he was prepared for the final battle. I think that was one of the best things about this submission.

Seven points for Coherency.

Spelling and Grammar:
No problems that I saw.

Two points for Spelling and Grammar.



Fifteen points total for Neo Emolga of the Avalon Apostle’s ‘Shatterpoint’.

The Actress

Username: arnisd
Team: The best one Sabotage Squadron
Entry: The Actress

Commentary and Scoring:

Commentary:

Seem to be quite a few in media res beginnings this week.

!!! Steamtech!? As in steampunk!? I LOVE steampunk. I’m going to enjoy this a lot, aren’t I.

And spells? Also love it when steampunk and magic/supernatural forces find a way to coexist. This shall be interesting…

Psychics too? Is that a part of the magic, I wonder?

Ah. So, the psychic thing probably isn’t part of the movie(or, it could be, just not special effects specifically), but the steamtech may or may not be. Magic also probably isn’t.

That’s alright, though. I also really like seeing a high magic presence in a more modern setting, and how that might affect things such as technology and culture.

And uuuuuugh. Shouty directors are definitely the worst. I don’t need annoying psychic castmates to sympathize with Lea.

‘Professional mages’. So, you presumably still need to study to become an adequate magic user-- but rather than adventuring and researching spells, it seems there are other things one can do with a degree in magic. I wonder how it’s used in other jobs? It’s got to be a really useful skill.

Ah, and background illusions! Goddamn, that would make a lot of set construction so much easier…

So, species like elves, too. Oho, definitely enjoying this…

Dragon assisting with special effects, yes, I love it. Wonder what they need the fractal shield generator for, though.

So we can have fancy illusions, but no spells for waterproof makeup? Boooo.

Ah, and there’s the mirror. Falluin’s getting pretty annoying, wonder what’s up with him. Envy of Lea’s talent, possibly?

Emotional vampire of some kind? Fascinating. That raises a bunch more questions for me. Did he end up on this movie specifically because he had selected Lea as his ‘target’? Or did he decide to do the movie for some other reason, and intend to ruin anyone’s life who ended up paired with him? Has he done this with other people, and how long? Does he change careers to avoid suspicion? How old is he, and I know elves can be long-lived in many settings, but is he really an elf?

And why’s he telling this to Lea now, I wonder? Possibly because it’s very likely no one will believe her, meanwhile her frustraton in no one believing her will generate more negative emotions for him to feed on.

I wonder if he genuinely enjoys acting, or if this is just a matter of feeding for him?

Ah, dozens of times. Guess this answers a few questions. And guess he probably isn’t really an elf. I wonder if he was an elf at some point and became this thing, or if he was just born this way.

Hm, he’s done this dozens of times, he has practice. So, I suppose in order to milk out as many negative emotions as possible, he did his research on Lea and her background? I wonder if it was while feeding off someone else in particular, or if there was an interlude-period in which he focused on preparing for just Lea, and how long it was. How long can he go without a victim, in other words?

‘...you’ll be unable to find a roll ever again.’ You misspelled role.

Okay, so that’s what the fractal shield generator is needed for. I suppose something like that can make action look more realistic, and take away some need for stunt doubles. Illusions can also help, I suppose.

Hm. So the steamtech may not be entirely a prop.

I wonder how magic in this world works? Are there specializations? Are they in things like elements, or are the more similar to Schools of Magic like in D&D? Or is there a general type of magic that most mages know? It doesn’t seem to use runes, hand motions, or words. Can anyone learn magic? And are demons like Falluin common?

Falluin, you’ve been tormenting that girl for lord knows how long, and now you expect her to be gentle on you?

‘He started laughing, a maniacle, evil laugh, heard throughout the studio.’ The correct spelling is maniacal.

George’s oblivious reaction did amuse me.

Hm. This’ll be interesting indeed. Really enjoyed the dialogue in that last bit.

Originality:
I am slowly discovering that I really enjoy stories that happen on a set. I really, really liked seeing things often found only in high fantasy settings used in more modern ways-- as in, as special effects and the like on a movie set!
I’m curious about how the magic, psychic powers, and steamtech gauntlet all tie in. It seems like the steamtech can amplify and direct magical power, if I understood it correctly?
I do really love seeing how magic systems and the like work in different settings. I really enjoyed the world you constructed here.

Four points for Originality.

Characters:
I did enjoy the characters in this tale. However, I feel the way you introduced them and their personalities and motivations was a bit tell-ish rather than showing? Most of it was during Falluin’s monologue, in which he explained himself and dissected Lea. You did have bits earlier where you showed how Lea’s acting career was threatening to fall apart, and likely would if she messed up on this shoot one more time. However I feel you could’ve had more of her anxiety over having to do just as well as the rest of her family in her thoughts and the like, rather than having it all come out at once while Falluin taunts her.

Five points for Characters.

Coherency:
The main problem, I think, was during the discussion in the middle of the story between Falluin and Lea. It mainly felt like two exposition dumps, about the nature of the protagonist and antagonist. It could have flowed better if you put more things earlier about Lea’s past, I feel.

Five points for Coherency.

Spelling and Grammar:
Noticed at least two spelling mistakes, and some sentences I feel could have used a few more commas.

One point for Spelling and Grammar.


Fifteen points total for Arnisd of the Sabotage Squadron’s ‘The Actress’.

The Hidden Power of Love

Username: Cleobel
Team: Agents of the Shadows
Entry: The Hidden Power of Love

Commentary and Scoring:

Commentary:

‘Ey, first opening that’s not some kind of in media res! Straight to the point about who these people are. And who these people are is another Pokemon story.

And beekeeeper Magmortar?

Mm. I’m beginning to see something of a potential red flag here. In stories one hears the phrase ‘show don’t tell’ thrown around a lot. What that means is, people would prefer learning things about the characters themselves through things like scenes and interactions, rather than just being told things about the characters.

There are absolutely times when it’s better to tell, however right here I think you’re doing too much of that. You’ve told us that the characters are in love, and one was just hit by a move and kidnapped, cool. But if you tell too much, it can start feeling more like a lecture rather than a story. Starting with an interaction between the two characters can show their affection, then you can describe how fire came out and blasted Vespiquen and Wormadam, injuring them both so it was a simple matter for Magmortar to kidnap Vespiquen while Wormadam helplessly tried to get her back, describing them in detail rather than stating them like they’re facts. As it is now, I don’t really know much about the characters or their personalities. I know Vespiquen and Wormadam are in love, but I know that because you told me-- I don’t know how they treat each other, how they like to show affection, if they’re living together, what they like doing together, if they’ve been considering a future together, et cetera. I know Magmortar is cruel, and kidnapping a Pokemon to make them produce a product is very cruel and greedy, yes, but you could have implied it further-- by describing how he treats his captives, by making whatever place he lives in be fairly decadent to show he’s miserly but still wants more money, and the like.

In addition, there’s Magmortar announcing what he attends to do with Vespiquen. It’s possible that later on, Vespiquen or Wormadam could have come to that conclusion on their own, or the other Combee could have explained it to Vespiquen, rather than Magmortar himself explaining for the viewer’s sake directly after capturing Vespiquen.

Many people enjoy stories because said stories make them connect with a character, and feel for them. It’s easier for people to feel for characters if you describe how the characters themselves are feeling.

If you’re having trouble describing emotions, then perhaps you can start by thinking about how certain emotions make you feel physically, and go through there. If Wormadam’s scared by the fire, you can describe how she starts trembling or sweating, how her heartbeat accelerates and her breathing becomes hyperventilating, how she starts imagining terrible scenarios involving fire. If Vespiquen’s happy and relieved at being rescued, you can describe how she feels a breath she didn’t know she was holding in be exhaled, how she feels a weight lifted from her chest, how she feels lightheaded and she’s grinning because her girlfriend is safe and sound still after doing battle with a powerful Fire-type.

Another issue I noticed, that is different but also related to the aforementioned one. You use a lot of very technical terms, such as Fire-type, Flame Body ability, Super Effective moves. I don’t necessarily have much issue with using such terms sometimes, but using only those terms and nothing else can make action a bit drier. In one fanfiction I read once, Pokemon characters referred to moves by their names, however when those moves were used in battle, the narration, rather than saying ‘Such and such used Energy Ball’, instead described how one character cupped their hands, creating a small and unstable sphere of sunlight, tossing it towards a foe. You don’t need to use it with each and every move, but it makes a more interesting visual picture to describe what the move does, rather than only state what it is. You state that Mirror Shot lowered Magmortar’s accuracy, but instead you could have described how bright flashing lights from the Mirror Shot disoriented Magmortar, making it hard for him to aim. Plus, I’ve found it’s sometime pretty fun to imagine what a move looks like and how it works.

A more minor thing I noticed. A lot of people use quotation marks to denote dialogue. As a result, it could possibly confuse others when you use quotation marks for both dialogue and internal thought. I would recommend italicizing internal thought instead, as that seems to be the most widely accepted way to show it.

Originality:
Well, the story is fairly straightforward. Vespiquen gets kidnapped by a greedy Magmortar, Wormadam goes off to fight him and rescue her. Not much deviation from that initial premise.

One point for Originality.

Characters:
Well, I mentioned it before. The characters are somewhat flat. You tell us things about them, but there isn’t much to be seen of their personalities through dialogue and interaction with others.

Two points for Characters.

Coherency:
At no point was I confused about what was going on.

Three points for Coherency.

Spelling and Grammar:
You did have rather good spelling and grammar in the story.

One point for Spelling and Grammar.

One final thing I wanted to say here…

In the PXFire Creative Writing competition, a lot of different people are participating. And at least a few of them I know for a fact have been writing fanfics or comics for several years, and are thus more experienced in writing and storytelling than you are. And that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone starts somewhere, and the only way that you can get better is by writing a lot, screwing up a lot, figuring out where you screwed up, and then writing even more so you can learn from those screw-ups. I wrote a lot of fanfics, and I’m happy that most of them are lost because they were pretty bad-- but I’m also happy that I wrote them, because they helped me get to where I am in writing now.

I apologize if I sounded harsh in writing this, but I also hope that you learn something from this experience, and that you continue writing and improving in the future.


Seven points total for Cleobel of the Agents of the Shadows’ ‘The Hidden Power of Love’.

Fusion

Username: @K’sariya
Team: Avalon Apostles
Entry: Fusion

Commentary and Scoring:

Commentary:

Well, damn. That’s one way to gain attention.

Who’s eaten the sun? Sounds like something straight out of ancient mythology, which is a thing I love. Must be how they ate the sun without being incinerated.

And who are these two people conversing? A god and their servant, perhaps?

Oooooooo I like how you describe things. I like it a lot. There’s a kind of slow weight to that paragraph, like something ancient was just awoken, and is not especially happy to be up at this moment.

I’ve always enjoyed it when someone describes the appearance of a Pokemon rather than just saying their name, and you do it quite well, giving me a pretty mental image but not going on for long enough to detract from the flow of the story.

Okay I could probably go on all day about how you paint and craft with words.

Scrying with fire? Interesting, most often I see it done with glass or water.

Huh, okay. So by swallowing the sun, we don’t literally mean the flaming sphere in the sky, but fusing with Solgaleo.

And this is something I hadn’t quite considered. I remember when Necrozma was released, some people were upset with its fusions, feeling it had already been done with Kyurem. Personally I thought it was different in a way, because Reshiram, Zekrom, and Kyurem had all once been one, and that didn’t seem to be the case with Solgaleo, Lunala, and Necrozma. It’ll be interesting to see which fusion is more powerful.

I’m curious about Kichonne. How did she come to be a servant of a Legendary Pokemon? Was she raised for this, does she enjoy this job? Can she consider herself to be a friend of Kyurem’s, does she feel she understands him to any extent?

Huh, so fusing with Solgaleo brought darkness to the land as well… that ain’t good. I like seeing the consequences of Necrozma’s actions here.

And hey! Worldbuilding! I love worldbuilding. Getting the explanation of how the sun and moon work in this world populated by gods, and why things are dark now… yes, I like.

So the humans woke up Necrozma. I wonder how advanced they are, and if they knew what it was they were doing.

Reshiram, one who wields fire and light, is afraid of the darkness. Interesting. Since she was once a part of Kyurem, does that mean he does, or did, too?

Hm, that bright light probably didn’t go unnoticed.

Their own creator, hm?

I really liked how you incorporated the mirror guideline, here. Not a physical mirror, but the mask of Dusk Mane Necrozma, and showing how Kyurem and Necrozma are similar.

The humans fused the DNA Splicer into Kyurem. Okay, suppose that that answers my question from earlier. Would I be correct in assuming that this world isn’t all that different from the main Pokemon games?

I really really love how this fight scene is written… In a previous entry I mentioned describing the different moves Pokemon use, rather than just stating their names, and I think you do that here beautifully.

Once more, Necrozma eats the light. I wonder how light tastes.

Yeeeeeeeeees really enjoyed this one. Would be interested in learning more about Kyurem’s relationship with Reshiram and with Zekrom, if they all like each other and how much they actually talk. Also curious about how much Legendaries tend to communicate and like each other in general.

Necrozma acting out of a fear of the light? Interesting… I wonder why that is.

Originality:
So, Pokemon themes seem fairly popular this time around, but you also seem to be the only one to have a Legendary Pokemon as a protagonist. And I mentioned earlier about this piece seeming like something out a mythology, a tale that would be told about gods from the dawn of time. This was the only entry that really gave me a feeling like that. There were other stories involving Legendary Pokemon, or Pokemon with powers that should belong to Legendaries, but you went into detail about things like how Solgaleo and Lunala truly did control the sun and the moon. As someone who loves Legendary Pokemon a lot(Kyurem in particular is one I love), I’ve read(and written) quite a few fanfics involving them, and they all seem to have different ideas about the Legendaries and their place in the world. In a lot of stories in which Pokemon and humans coexist, Legendaries seem to have godlike powers, but they’re often portrayed as just really really strong Pokemon, since they can be captured-- but I really didn’t feel that from this story. It seems that the problems couldn’t just be solved by popping Necrozma in a Pokeball.

Four points for Originality.

Characters:
Also definitely enjoyed the characters. Kichonne for sure-- I’m extremely curious about how she got this job. Presumably she’s had it for a while, as she seems pretty comfortable around Kyurem, and is capable of doing things such as spying on Necrozma or summoning Reshiram. I also enjoyed the dialogue you had for Kyurem and Necrozma a lot.

Seven points for Characters.

Coherency:
The ending did feel a little rushed, and I’m confused about where Ultra Necrozma went in the end, but the rest of it was wonderful.

Six points for Coherency.

Spelling and Grammar:
No errors that I could see.

Two points for Spelling and Grammar.


Nineteen points total for K’sariya of the Avalon Apostles’ ‘Fusion’.

Untitled

Username: Noblejanobii
Team: Avalon Apostles
Entry: Untitled

Commentary and Scoring:

Commentary:

Ah yes. Sewing. I had a costuming class just this year. Not much of a designer myself, though I had some classmate who were extremely good at it.

The protagonist is a D&D nerd and is giving punny names to the dresses she made. Yes, I love this.

It took me a little bit to catch the switch between Amy’s POV and Nichols’.

Okay so like I said, took a costuming class this year. And what dresses I had to make in it, even with a sewing machine, were rather time-consuming. So now you’ve made me want to punch Nichols in the face. Congratulations, I suppose?

“...outfits had been damaged, ad his work was done…”

Damn, Nichols is a jerk.

‘D&D characters she and her friends had conceived’. Ooooo, are we calling in those friends now?

Even with help, twelve hours straight of just sewing? Damn. And I definitely remember how stressful deadlines tended to be in that class. Here the difference is rather than a play’s costumes getting done in time, getting in with the most skilled fashion designers is on the line.

“ensuring she was able to see the thread properly see she switched between machine and hand threaded.” Not entirely certain what you were trying to say here.

Well, crap. Seems they went past the deadline. But they still managed to mend four seemingly-irreparable dresses in a very short amount of time, which is incredible.

Hm. I wonder how they knew about the incident? Glad that they could recognize someone capable of being resourceful when they saw it, though.

Not technically an error, but “future evils in the future” feels rather redundant.

Originality:
So, I don’t typically read realistic-fiction. It’s not usually something I find interesting. Most of the realistic fiction stories, I really can’t connect with any of the characters, and/or the plot feels like something uninteresting to me. However I seriously did enjoy this. I think you did rather well with the ‘powers’ guideline, since sewing is something most people in our world can learn to do, rather than a superpower or a Pokemon move/ability.

Three points for Originality.

Characters:
I seriously did enjoy Amy, though. You gave her a lot of stuff, interests, her fear, her friends.I assumed earlier that they were the aforementioned friends who made D&D characters with her, so there’s also shared interests in there as well. And you can really tell that they ARE good friends, what with how they were willing to help her for twelve hours, and how Theresa went out with her onto the stage, being willing to take Amy back home if that was really what she wanted, but still encouraging her to show off all her hard work. And it seriously was hard work, not just talent, which I also liked. Honestly, I think Amy and her friends was the thing I enjoyed most about this story.
I think you handled Amy’s phobia extremely well. It hindered her when it stopped her from reporting the incident, yes, but it never stopped her entirely. Despite her stage fright, instead of just giving up instead she busted her *** to repair her dresses. That still takes a lot of determination and bravery.

Six points for Characters.

Coherency:
I will say that the temporary jump early on from Amy’s POV to Nichols’ I was a bit confused by at first. I needed to go back and reread a paragraph to understand we jumped to another character.

Four points for Coherency.

Spelling and Grammar:
At least two spelling mistakes.

One point for Spelling and Grammar.


Seventeen points total for Noblejanobii of the Avalon Apostles’ entry.

Untitled

Username: Coru
Team: Sabotage Squadron
Entry: Untitled

Commentary and Scoring:

Commentary:

You set the mood immediately, focusing on how very dark it is, and that’s good, but the language you use is also kind of redundant, just repeating how dark it is. Instead, perhaps you can use Addie’s actions and behavior to show how dark it is? Perhaps she needs to stretch out her arms in front of her to keep from bumping into walls and furniture. Maybe she needs to rely only on hearing, and follow unnerving noises to her parents’ bedroom. Possibly, she tries to see her hands in the darkness and can’t make them out, but somehow does see that strange figure before her in some unnatural way.

Hm, so this is a recurring nightmare, huh? And I wonder who this Morty is. A brother, or a friend, perhaps?

‘We were five’. So I suppose he is her family, and that this nightmare was based off of real events. That cannot have been a pleasant experience for a five year old, no wonder Addie’s having nightmares about it now. I wonder how long it’s been since then.

Identical twins, huh? There are differences even between identical twins, though-- personality sometimes being one such difference. And personality and morality seems to be one major difference here, though.

Oh, whoops, Morty’s a girl. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of it being used as a girl’s name before. If Morty is our villain, though I suppose it’s a fitting name for one such villain-- ‘Morty’ being a name derived from a word for death, if memory serves correctly.

Twin telepathy, the legends are at last confirmed!

Replacement teacher. My suspicions are aroused. Especially when Addie mentions something seeming odd or familiar about him. I wonder if he’s that mystery man who killed her parents? Both their eyes were noted to be ‘wild’.

If so, I wonder why he did it?

‘Two gold teeth’. Yup, that’s him.

Hm. So is he after them because of the whole mind powers thing? How would he know they had them?

I wonder if Morty’s name is short for something.

And now the nightmare changes.

Ah, so the man does have the same powers, I guess? Maybe he’s manipulating them into killing each other for him, so he doesn’t have to lift a finger. I wonder if doing that is more or less mentally exerting than killing them both physically-- if he’s doing this because it’s easier, or if he’s doing it just for his own amusement.

Jeez louise. Has this dude been slowly killing all of Addie and Morty’s family? Did they all have mental powers, or is this due to a grudge or something?

Hm, wonder what Morty’s gonna do. Most likely manipulate him into doing something. If he does have mental powers, would he be able to resist it, though? Has Addie told Morty about that dream that went differently, would doing so have made a difference?

“...Morty focussed and at that moment…” Should be focused.

Welp.

So did Morty kill her own parents? For what purpose? Sick amusement? I guess she could have implanted false memories in Addie’s head to throw her off track. Would killing Addie as well have been too suspicious? (Then again, who would suspect a five year old, and who would believe that said five year old has scary telepathy powers?) Or did she just have an attachment to Addie?

So Addie and Morty’s parents didn’t have mental powers. I wonder why Addie and Morty have them? Just crazy random happenstance?

I do like the sort of cliffhanger-y ending, though.

Originality:
The idea of a good twin and an evil twin is something that’s been used a lot, but I do think you brought something a little new to it, in a way. Between Morty’s actions and Mr. Baton’s, it was somewhat ambiguous who the true murderer was. You could have played up that ambiguity a bit more, possibly giving us more reason to suspect both potential villains. Beyond his appearance in the nightmare, we don’t have very much reason to suspect Mr. Baton. Alternatively, we could have seen even more of the whole ‘we’re superior to humans’ deal from Morty, possibly with her defending her twin from the ‘mundane’ bullies like Todd.

Two points for Originality.

Characters:
I think you did alright with characters. As I said earlier, you could have gone further with confusing the audience over who the true villain was-- you could have added to the confusion by putting in more moments where Morty seemed to care about Addie, or where she disliked whatever caretaker they were under the guardianship of at the moment. I feel that Addie didn’t really talk about her own feelings toward her twin very much, either-- she discussed their respective opinions on their powers, and toward the end about how Morty had a superiority complex, but Addie could have also talked about if she liked Morty, if she considered them friends or if things such as Morty’s amoral nature made her afraid of Morty.

Four points for Characters.

Coherency:
I think one of the strengths of this was the pacing, especially with a little more of the truth being revealed each time that Addie had her nightmare, and I enjoyed the scenes where Addie and Morty spent time in the bathroom together. I feel that those scenes added to both character, and the emotional stakes of the story.

Five points for Coherency.

Spelling and Grammar:
I noticed one spelling error, and sometimes I saw some issues with punctuation. In addition, it might make it easier to read if you hit the enter key every time someone new began speaking, to avoid confusion while reading.

One point for Spelling and Grammar.


Twelve points total for Coru of the Sabotage Squadron’s submission.

Take a deep breath, you’ve finished this challenge.
The next will be announced later today.

[K'sariya]

Thank you so much for your commentary and feedback! Excited for the next round!

[Coru]

Thank you for the feedback. I'm not amazing at writing so it helped find what I need to improve on. The original ending was going to explain the connection with the twins more and explain how their link is also physical so Morty even if she wanted couldn't hurt Addie and it would end in Addie doing something to stop the both of them as what happens to one happens to the other (In terms of injury). I didn't have time to finish tho so might use this story and develop it for fun. :D
Well done everyone! Can't wait for the next brief.

[Cleobel]

LKWayvern Thank you very much for your feedback! It will certainly be useful for my future stories. I wish all my college teachers did constructive criticism like you!

[LKWayvern]

K'sariya: Thank YOU for participating! ^^ So am I. >:3
Coru: Hey, with the sheer number of Avalon Apostles participating, I need to give my group every chance it can get to improve so we can kick some serious butt next round! In all seriousness, though, feedback and comments are something I sometimes don't get very often. Just writing and reading itself has helped me a lot, but knowing what other people think of my work specifically helps me far, far more. I'd like to see all you guys continue writing, and continue getting better, and participate in future rounds both this year and coming years. ^^
Cleobel: No problem! I tend to do acting a lot, and in one of my acting classes how to properly give constructive criticism was emphasized a lot, so I'm glad those skills are coming in handy.

[LKWayvern]

VeloJello Neo Emolga arnisd Cleobel @K’sariya Noblejanobii Coru

Take a deep breath. Round One is over, and you have far more time to work on your submission for Round Two.

So, in Round One, you set up two characters-- a hero and a villain. It was quite clear who stood on the side of light, and who supported the side of dark.
But what happens when we flip perspectives?

Round two is Turning Tables.

This round, you have two options, but major challenge. The options are to continue and to expand upon the story you just finished, or to select a different, well-known tale-- a fable or fairy tale, a short story or play, a popular book or movie, a story you wrote in the past, something of that nature.

The challenge this round is this: You need to select a major character from this tale, and tell this new story in such a way that, if this character was good in the original story, they now appear evil, and if this character was evil in the original story, they now appear good. This could be before the main antagonist was corrupted into villainy; it could the hero living long enough to turn rotten; it could be a simple change in perspective showing that what you thought was true was truly reversed. It’s all your decision.

The other challenges are as follows: like last time, you need to include a mirror in the story. But unlike last time, instead of having fear influence a character’s decisions, have it be love.

The deadline is two weeks from now, the fifteenth. Good luck.

[Noblejanobii]

Only two spelling mistakes? Haha I figured there’d be more given I didn’t even get a chance to proofread. Yeah the perspective shift was not a smart idea in hindsight. Or at least it should’ve been clearer. Good to know. And yes you guessed correctly! Those were the D&D friends! In case you were wondering I did have outfits named for them too, but the names got scrapped because I felt like drowning on about the outfits would detract from the story.

Excited for the next round! We’re on recess this week which means more time to write st work!

[Bulbasaur]

I had really cool idea for week one, but it was too deep of a concept, so I wasn't able to finish. :[ Oh well, two weeks should allow me enough time to submit something!

[Coru]

OMG that prompt is PERFECT. I've got such a good idea for it.

[Morzone]

I feel kind of awkward doing something for weeks 2/3 since I didn't participate in week 1. I only really had a half baked idea and couldn't really find time to actually make a story out of it. But I have to say I'm really interested in this prompt and am excited to try it.

[Suicune's Fire]

/five thousand years late

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii


"This round, you have two options, but major challenge. The options are to continue and to expand upon the story you just finished, or to select a different, well-known tale-- a fable or fairy tale, a short story or play, a popular book or movie, a story you wrote in the past, something of that nature.

I'm really confused; obviously I didn't enter last week so I have to go with the second option, but...it has to be based off something that's already published? A well-known tale? But...how can it be a story I've written in the past? Not sure what this means.

Also does this mean I have to choose like a published fairytale and write about a character in it, so I can't make up my own?

[LKWayvern]

I'm really confused; obviously I didn't enter last week so I have to go with the second option, but...it has to be based off something that's already published? A well-known tale? But...how can it be a story I've written in the past? Not sure what this means.

Also does this mean I have to choose like a published fairytale and write about a character in it, so I can't make up my own?

Okay, so what I was trying to say may be a bit difficult to convey. Basically, I'm trying to challenge you to make a character usually portrayed as good appear evil, or a character usually portrayed as evil to appear good-- or, to at the very least, make it look that way from a certain perspective. And I'd like for you to take a character from a previously written story to focus on for this challenge, as opposed to creating an entirely new character and/or story. If I'm familiar with the story already, because a) it's a published and well-known work, b) it's from the previous round, or c) it's from a fanfic/comic/etc which you know I'm familiar with, then that will make things easier for me, because I already know how the character is, typically. That being said-- it'd make things easier me, yes, but I don't want to set restrictions about things and force people to write characters for a story or franchise they're unfamiliar with or uncomfortable with. You're free to use a character from a work that I don't know, or that you don't think I know, if that's what you have an idea for, though I'd prefer it if you said where I could find this story or a summarization of it, so I know what this character is typically like.

I thought the idea of linking the two prompts, and having one build off the other, would be an interesting and cool idea. And I tried to make it in a way that could work if someone hadn't participated in the first week, or if one wanted to try something different. And perhaps I didn't go about that in the best way ever. Apologies for that.

[Suicune's Fire]

Okay, so what I was trying to say may be a bit difficult to convey. Basically, I'm trying to challenge you to make a character usually portrayed as good appear evil, or a character usually portrayed as evil to appear good-- or, to at the very least, make it look that way from a certain perspective. And I'd like for you to take a character from a previously written story to focus on for this challenge, as opposed to creating an entirely new character and/or story. If I'm familiar with the story already, because a) it's a published and well-known work, b) it's from the previous round, or c) it's from a fanfic/comic/etc which you know I'm familiar with, then that will make things easier for me, because I already know how the character is, typically. That being said-- it'd make things easier me, yes, but I don't want to set restrictions about things and force people to write characters for a story or franchise they're unfamiliar with or uncomfortable with. You're free to use a character from a work that I don't know, or that you don't think I know, if that's what you have an idea for, though I'd prefer it if you said where I could find this story or a summarization of it, so I know what this character is typically like.

I thought the idea of linking the two prompts, and having one build off the other, would be an interesting and cool idea. And I tried to make it in a way that could work if someone hadn't participated in the first week, or if one wanted to try something different. And perhaps I didn't go about that in the best way ever. Apologies for that.
Okay, thanks, I understand better now. :) I hope I can come up with something that works well!

[Shruikan]

OK, so how much do we need to stick to the original story? Would a retelling of a fairytale from the point of view of the bad guy count, or does it need to be a sequel/prequel to said fairytale. And how much of the original are we allowed to change? For instance, would I be allowed to change the name of a character or the order of events, as long as it's recognisable as the original story? (Like Disney did with Maleficent, if you've seen that movie.)

Also, weird question, but can I make everyone a dragon instead of a human? Or would changing all the human characters species be too big of a difference?

[LKWayvern]

Provided it's recognizable as the original story, you can certainly retell it from the antagonist's perspective similar to Maleficent. Changing names or the order of events is also acceptable, especially if this is a legend, fable or fairytale we're talking about-- they've been around for hundreds of years, people have changed them due to faulty memories, personal preferences, and their own opinions.

The weird question is also an interesting question... I'd prefer if species-changes had some sort of purpose in-story, but I wouldn't really object strongly?

[K'sariya]

Oh, I actually just realized that the deadline was two weeks and not one. So we won't have a third theme, just two weeks to work on this one? Does that also mean that this theme will be worth double the usual points? Sorry, never done one that spans two weeks before.

[LKWayvern]

Oh, I actually just realized that the deadline was two weeks and not one. So we won't have a third theme, just two weeks to work on this one? Does that also mean that this theme will be worth double the usual points? Sorry, never done one that spans two weeks before.

Due to the nature of PXFire, what with all but one event last three weeks, your first assumption is correct, there are only two rounds, and you have two weeks to work on the latter of them.
Personally, I would have preferred it if I could have had two rounds, both lasting two weeks, like last year, but I deemed this latter challenge to be the more difficult challenge, and so it got more time.
To answer the other question, no, it will be the same amount of points as last time.

[Cleobel]

Username: Cleobel
Team: Agents of the Shadows
Entry: The Nugget Bridge between Good and Evil

This is NUGGET BRIDGE! Beat us 5 trainers and win a fabulous prize! Think you got what it takes?
I'm second! Now it's serious!
Here's No. 3! I won't be easy!
I'm No. 4! Getting tired?
OK! I'm No. 5! I'll stomp you!

Leaf, a young Pokemon trainer from Pallet Town, had just defeated five Pokemon trainers on the Nugget Bridge. At the end of the bridge, she met a guy who congratulated her on her five victories. Then, he gave her a Nugget. That guy was quite strange, but Leaf found him generous and very attractive.
"By the way, would you like to join TEAM ROCKET? We're a group dedicated to evil using POKEMON! Want to join?", he offered.
Even though Leaf knew the difference between good and evil, she was very interested in joining Team Rocket because she was attracted to the Team Rocket Grunt. Her face was as red as a Tamato Berry and she felt as if she had Butterfrees in her stomach.
"Oh yes, please let me join! It would be fantastic to commit crime with my Pokemon and with an adorable guy like you!", Leaf effused.
"That’s great! Thank you for joining us, beautiful girl! Now, let’s go to our Hideout in Celadon City…", the Team Rocket Grunt decided.

Leaf and her recruiter walked through the Nugget Bridge, Cerulean City, Route 5, Saffron City and Route 7 before they finally reached Celadon City. In the Team Rocket Hideout, the Grunt asked Leaf to show him her Pokemon team.
"Here is Ivysaur, my starter Pokemon. He is the best at using Vine Whip and Razor Leaf!
The first Pokemon I caught is Pidgeotto. She has recently evolved from Pidgey and she knows Quick Attack and Gust!
I also have a Mankey. His favorite moves are Low Kick and Karate Chop!
It took me some time to find a Pikachu in Viridian Forest, but I managed to catch one eventually. He is cute, but his Quick Attack and Thundershock moves are surprisingly powerful!
After I got my first Badge and before I started exploring Mt. Moon, a salesman sold a Magikarp to me. At first, she was weak, but I kept on training her and it was totally worth it! Now, she is a strong Gyarados who takes advantage of Bite and her Intimidate ability!
And last but not least, I caught a Geodude in Mt. Moon. She is very weak againt Grass and Water, but she can still win a lot of battles with Rock Throw and Magnitude!", Leaf explained.
"Your Pokemon team looks great! I only have an Ekans and a Zubat… Let’s show your team to the Boss!", the Grunt suggested.
"Sure!", the Pokemon trainer replied.
Then, they went to the Boss’ office.

"Good morning, Boss! I convinced this young Pokemon trainer to join Team Rocket!", the Grunt announced.
"Good morning to both of you! Thank you for recruiting a new member, Grunt! What is your name, new recruit? Oh wait, it doesn’t matter because you’re just going to be a Team Rocket Grunt anyway. My name is Giovanni and I am the Boss of Team Rocket. Every member of Team Rocket reports to me. Do you have any powerful Pokemon?", Giovanni asked.
"Of course I do, Boss!", Leaf answered, before showing him her six Pokemon.
"This is not a bad team at all! However, before you participate in your first Team Rocket mission, you should train your Pokemon until they reach at least level 25. The training room of our Hideout is on the left of my office.", Giovanni explained.
"Thank you, Boss! I will train my Pokemon, then!", Leaf promised.
"Before you go to the training room, I need to give you this Team Rocket uniform. As soon as you start wearing it, you will become a Team Rocket Grunt. You may change your clothes in the official Team Rocket bathroom, which is on the right of my office.", Giovanni informed.
"Thank you very much, Boss! I’m going to put on the Team Rocket uniform, then I will start training my Pokemon team.", Leaf affirmed.

The new recruit went into the official Team Rocket bathroom, while her recruiter was waiting outside. Leaf put on the uniform, but she also took a bathroom break : she did her business, she used some toilet paper, she flushed the toilet and she washed her hands.
When she came out of the bathroom, she went to the training room with her recruiter, who told her that she looked pretty in her uniform. Leaf thanked him for the compliment.
The training room was full of mirrors. The newest Team Rocket Grunt asked why there were so many mirrors in the room. "The Grunts’ Pokemon are supposed to use their moves on these resistant mirrors. Then, they make the moves come back to the Pokemon, who have to try to avoid them.", her recruiter explained.
Leaf thought that this system was cruel, but she still wanted to be a Team Rocket Grunt because she had a crush on the Grunt who recruited her. As a result, she trained her Pokemon in the training room until they all reached level 25. Of course, this training made Geodude evolve into Graveler.

After the training, both Grunts went back to Giovanni’s office and asked him for a mission.
"Congratulations on the training and on your Pokemon’s evolution, newest Grunt! Please let me think of an easy mission that you could complete together… I have an idea! You are going to steal the TM28 from this house in Cerulean City.", Giovanni decided.
"Yes, sir!", the male Grunt responded.
"Do we have to walk all the way to Cerulean City?", Leaf questioned. "It’s pretty far from here."
"Of course not!", Giovanni reassured. "You have a Pidgeotto, is that correct? I can teach her Fly."
"Thank you for your offer, Boss. Unfortunately, I don’t have the Badge that is required to use Fly outside of battle.", Leaf sighed.
"This is not a problem. Your Team Rocket uniform allows you to use any HM move outside of battle. After all, we are all cheaters here.", Giovanni explained.
Leaf knew that stealing and cheating is wrong, but she was willing to do it for her crush.
"Thank you very much, Boss! We won’t disappoint you!", the Grunts promised together. Then, the Boss of Team Rocket taught Fly to Leaf’s Pidgeotto, who flew to Cerulean City with the Grunts.

As soon as they arrived in Cerulean City, they walked to the house that Giovanni had pointed out. When they looked through that house’s window, they saw that there was a man inside. Then, they broke the window and they broke into the house. Immediately after that, they made Pikachu and Ekans come out of their Poke Balls.
"Pikachu, use Thundershock!", Leaf started.
"Ekans, use Poison Sting!", her recruiter continued.
Both Pokemon attacked the poor man, who quickly passed out due to the electricity and the poison. The Team Rocket Grunts recalled Pikachu and Ekans, they stole the TM28, they went back to Celadon City using Pidgeotto’s Fly before the police could arrive, and they got back to the Team Rocket Hideout.

"Mission accomplished! Here is the TM28, Boss!", the Grunts told Giovanni.
"Congratulations and thank you very much! As a reward, you may use the TM on one of your Pokemon.", the Team Rocket Boss congratulated.
The Grunts thanked him and went out of his office, then they chose a Pokemon to use the TM on :
"That TM contains Dig. We should use it on your Pikachu, so he could battle against Onix, Rhyhorn and other Rock/Ground Pokemon.", the male Grunt suggested.
"Good idea! Let’s go, Pikachu!", Leaf replied.
Had she just foreseen something from the future? Anyway, she made the Electric-type Pokemon come out of his Poke Ball and she taught him Dig. Soon after that, Ekans came out of his Poke Ball without being called. The rodent-like Pokemon and the snake-like Pokemon kissed and hugged each other.
"It looks like they are in love with each other…", Ekans’ trainer commented.
"By the way, I’ve been having a crush on you since I met you on the Nugget Bridge! You are so adorable! I love you!", Leaf burst.
"Me too! I love you, awesome Team Rocket Grunt!", he answered.
They kissed and hugged each other. They lived happily ever after, with Ekans, Pikachu and their other Pokemon, while working for Team Rocket.

Other: I still don't know what you mean by "Other".

[evanfardreamer]

So uh. What time on the 15th? My brain is done for the day, I'm about 60% on the story.

[LKWayvern]

So uh. What time on the 15th? My brain is done for the day, I'm about 60% on the story.

2 pm PDT(Los Angels), 5pm EDT(New York), 10pm BST(London), 7am AEST(Melbourne)

[Coru]

Got my story done. Hoping it's ok. It doesn't have a lot of dialogue but I wanted it to be more about mood and atmosphere. It's a prequel to my week 1 entry, answering all the main questions you had when reading it and giving more backstory to the sisters and their past. It should hopefully give you another outlook on the two sisters and explain why Morty is how she is and also uncover some secrets Addie doesn't want anyone to know. It also gives hints to how the end of the first story ended after the cliffhanger but giving just enough for it to be open to the reader.
There's not much reference to mirrors in here but i'm hoping the symbolism that appears at the start will be enough as it sort of stays relevant throughout as their actions can be seen as mirror images at times. Also, the aspect of love I'm hoping loneliness and desperation for attention classes as love as it gets quite corrupted at the end haha.
Anyways, enough of me talking, here it is.

Death follows

Everything seemed fine for Mr and Mrs Carter. That was until the day they got the news that their twin daughters had a rare newly found blood disease. Along with this, their bodies were direct mirror images of each other. Morticia’s organs were mirrored in her body. Situs inversus the doctors called it, but her parents didn’t care. It wasn’t any problem, it was just the blood disease that was their concern. Waiting nervously in the doctor’s office, they were told that this had never seen this before so they would need to keep an eye on the girls and note down anything of significance. The disease didn’t seem to have any effect on the girls but the Carter parents were still mindful that anything could happen at any point. After regular check-ups, by the time they were four, they were discharged as they discovered that the blood disease was just a rare mutation of the blood cells. The doctors had worried that the mutated blood could have damaged their brains during development but regular scans had shown that no such thing had happened. Relieved and happy to start their problem free normal life with their daughters, Mr and Mrs Carter said goodbye to the doctor for the final time and left the hospital. Their wish to have a normal life with their children was soon to be shattered.

Shortly after, the girls, Adelaide and Morticia had been enrolled into preschool. Adelaide was popular and had many friends, whereas Morticia was lonely and had no one to play with.
“Would anyone like to play dollhouse with me?” Morticia asked the girls at her preschool.
They all giggled to each other and ran over to Adelaide. Upset and Alone, Morticia slumped towards the Dollhouse and played alone, silently crying. Her only friends were Bertie and Henrietta, the dolls she affectionately named when she first played with them. At the end of each day, Morticia would slowly walk out of the playground to her parents with a large fake smile while Adelaide would run out beaming and jump into the arms of their father.
“What did my favourite daughter do today?” He would always ask Adelaide.
Not even at home did Morticia get the attention that she had been denied everywhere else. Her parents were always asking Adelaide questions about her day and praising her for her good counting and labelling. When it came to Morticia’s turn, although she did much better, they would give an unenthusiastic “Well done” and walk off as soon as they had finished, as if spending time with her was a chore.
On their 5th birthday, they had a joint birthday party and all their preschool friends were invited. It was held at the local play dome filled with brightly coloured slides and ball pits, climbing areas and mazes. A child’s dream. Both girls were mesmerised. Immediately as they all got there, the children ran to play whilst the parents sat at the side gossiping to each other about work colleagues and neighbours.
“Look at her, playing all on her own!” Said Henry, one of their classmates, referring to Morticia.
He, and a group of four other children, laughed and pushed her over as they went past. Angry, Morticia got up and stormed over to the maze and hid. She found a dark corner behind some mirrors in the maze and began to cry. She couldn’t even get a break on her birthday. She sat there and cried for 15 minutes until her sister and her friends approached, listening to the crying.
“Is that Morticia? Crying all alone?” One girl said.
“I think so, why doesn’t she get some friends.” Another said back.
The girls giggled. Morticia heard and peeked out from behind the mirror. She saw a group of five girls, including her sister all looking down at her, smiling. Afraid, she gripped the edge of the mirror tightly, making marks in the soft child-proofed edging.
“Let’s go, don’t want to get weirdo germs from her.” The first girl said.
At that moment, they all turned around, laughed and walked off. Adelaide looking back as if she felt sorry for her sister, but she had done nothing to stop it and stick up for her sister.

After a brief moment, they all heard Mrs Carter shout, “Children, it’s food time!”.
As if a pack of lions were just given fresh meat to consume at a zoo, all the children from all across the play dome ran towards the food area with a loud clambering of feet, Morticia not included. Morticia glumly trailed towards the table, pretending she was happy. When they all got to the table, two cakes were wheeled out. One for Morticia and one for Adelaide. Even the cakes made it seem like they cared more about Adelaide. It was a cake of a large royal tiara on bright pink plump pillow with princess written at the bottom. Adelaide’s face lit up with delight.
“Is that my cake Daddy?!” She exclaimed.
He nodded at her, smiling. Morticia’s however was glum. The icing partially cracked, the tiara wonky, the pillow drooped and collapsed with half the letters missing from the word princess. Another reason for her to feel like they didn’t care.
Morticia had had enough. She needed to teach her parents a lesson. Make them care about her. They were starting Grade School a few weeks later so she wanted it all to change for then. A fresh slate. As a five year old, you shouldn’t have to feel these things, you should be loving and learning, but Morticia was advanced. She was smarter than anyone in her preschool and therefore able to comprehend more. She knew she had to make her parents notice her so she had a plan. That night, she would creep into their room and ask to sleep in their bed because she had a nightmare. They would have to let her and it would force them to notice her and maybe change all of this. She used this idea to power through the rest of the day. It was filled with disappointment and more teasing but when it was over, Morticia was relieved. Ready to begin her plan.

It was night time. The house was so dark that Morticia could barely see. She stumbled slowly over to her parent’s room. She walked in and stood at the end of their bed. Able to see their silhouettes in the bed, she exclaimed. “Mommy, Daddy, I had a nightmare. Can I sleep in your bed, I’m scared.”
“No Morticia.” Mrs Carter said half asleep.
“Go back to bed, it’s late and you’ve had a long day.” Mr Carter said muffled by his pillow.
She couldn’t believe it, they completely ignored her still. How could they?
“Stop ignoring me!” Morticia shouted, getting ferociously angry.
“I just wish they would learn their lesson!” Morticia thought, furiously.
At that moment, they got up, both still looking half asleep and they began scratching at each other and attacking each other. They didn’t say a word, just faced each other and attacked. Morticia didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know what was happening and why they were doing that. She began to think she fell asleep and this was a nightmare. She just stood there, watching, frozen.
With all the ruckus, Adelaide was woken and she fumbled across the hallway to the doorway of the room. By that point, the sheets were stained red, their parents barely alive. She gasped in shock and Morticia turned. Ashamed and afraid, Morticia ran and hid behind the bed. It was dark enough for her to not be seen by Adelaide. After what seemed like an eternity, Morticia heard Adelaide, crying, scamper back to her room. At this point the ruckus on the bed had stopped. The only sound you could now hear was a dripping sound of something hitting the wooden floorboards. Morticia took the chance to slowly creep back into her room and pretend she wasn’t there. She hid under her covers, hugged Bertie and Henrietta, the dolls she took from preschool and cried. No one would believe that a five year old did this, even if she didn’t mean to. She just had to pretend it was someone else. It wouldn’t be hard but she pretended she was fine a lot longer than this.
That was how the lie was created. A lie to protect both the girls, one through fear and another through shame. One that would disintegrate and cause the two to clash and cause mutual destruction.

Morticia tried to keep her powers under control, but it was hard. All through grade school and middle school she was bullied with no end. She never caught a break and like her parents, her family was no better. They blamed her for what happened. They blamed Morticia being a ‘failure’ as a reason for the event happening, for why they didn’t defend themselves from the ‘attacker’. Why couldn’t they just love her and give her attention?
They cycled through five family members until they were 18 but all died mysteriously. Morticia had an input in all of them. As she got older and became a teenager, her rage grew stronger and it became harder for her to control her powers. She didn’t mean to do any of it, but it was as if another person was in there and was unleashed whenever she was mad. All she could think about was being normal, having a loving family and how ashamed she was she had ruined it for her sister. Once they began high school she was sick of being the lonely one, so she used her powers to manipulate people, she made herself popular and made her sister become the lonely one. It wasn’t done through hate, but done through revenge. She wanted her sister to feel how she had felt her whole life. Maybe if it balances out, it would all sort itself out. This was the first time she felt this power and she didn’t want to give it up. Adelaide’s life had been turned around. Suddenly becoming unpopular, she fell onto her sister for support. Morticia, playing dumb would comfort her and make her feel better, wondering why she had never done this in return years ago. And so, Morticia’s new life of manipulation and happiness had begun.

After their last family member died in a car accident, the girls were put in a safe house. At 18, they were capable of living by themselves and they had grown fiercely close. One night, Morticia had found out a dark secret. A secret that would poise her against her sister forever. Curious, whilst Adelaide was in the shower, Morticia snooped through her diary. She found one entry that broke her heart. It explained what happened her whole life, and that Adelaide had kept a huge secret from her even darker than her own. The diary read:

Dear Diary,
Today Aunt Dahlia bought me my first phone as a gift for getting an A in my homework paper. I knew it would work. Everyone is wrapped around my finger, everyone except Morticia. Poor Morticia has no idea that it’s all down to me what is happening. Even though I started out not knowing I was doing it, now I will never stop. Using my powers to control everyone to love me gives me control, and taking it all away from my sister and watching her crave attention and live in despair gives me joy. However, I feel she may be onto me. At school people are turning on me, my powers don’t seem to be working and Morticia is now getting attention. I will give her some time to be happy and then snuff that out. I’m the only one that deserves this. I’m the one with the power, not her.
I’ll update you on my challenges.
Addie xx

Morticia couldn’t believe her eyes. All of this, all her pain, it was all down to her sister. Her murders of her family were all directly due to the manipulation her sister had done to her and everyone around her. Adelaide was the real reason their parents were dead, and Morticia could never forgive her.

In a fit of rage Morticia left a note on top of Adelaide’s diary, left the room and began to plot her revenge.

Hello sister,
I read your entry about me. Interesting. Your manipulation is truly the worst thing I’ve had to find out, and that’s saying something with the live we have had to live through.
Watch your back, sister, your narcissistic reality will soon be shattered.
Let me know if you are ever free to apologise. I would love to see what you have to say.
No love, from Morty.

Morticia had a plan. Adelaide was to be her final victim, but she was going to be slow, pretend she had gotten over it, and then strike at the least suspecting moment. Adelaide was going to feel all the pain that she delivered to her sister, after all, she created the monster that calls herself Morticia. It would all start with the nightmares. Slowly revealing the truth, and when the truth would be revealed, all would be over.
Looking at herself in the mirror, Morticia smiles menacingly, this was the moment she had been waiting for, to release all her anger toward her sister, and no one would ever know the truth.
Author's note: "The Link" takes place roughly 6 months after the final events here. The twin telepathy was discovered between the end of here and start of then as they both only found out they had the same power at the end of this story.

[K'sariya]

Whew. This was cutting it close—been out of town. It turned out alright, though.

Story spoilers/comments:
I don’t know if you’ve ever watched Ghibli’s Princess Mononoke, but it’s one of my favorite renditions of how a god of life and death acts and behaves—I’ve adopted that here for Arceus, a god that opts not to choose a side, but acts in the balance of life and death.

The driving force of love here is a little different, and a little up to interpretation—it’s could be some sort of romantic love, or some sort of sibling love, or even some sort of nostalgic love, a love for the way that things once were.

Fission
She wakes in the darkness. The first thing she does is step carefully out into the night. Icy eyes turn upward just in time to see a sliver of the moon, curled like a slender talon, emerge from behind murky clouds.

Good. The sun and the moon were not gone—yet.

The white dragon turns silently back, stepping beneath the flame-scarred lips of the hollow.

She treads into the depths of the cave, and as she does, the roughness of the charred walls slides into something smoother, glossier. Pale feathers of clawed wings brush against the cool, reflective rock until it runs cold, where the black turns to deep blue ice.

They’d been whole, once, as one being, their essence fused so continually that you couldn’t tell where one began and the other ended, twirled together like the very genetic fabric that crafted the world. They’d been created them this way, a perfect balance between light and dark, perpetually intertwined, between them a million shades of greys as complex and vast as the universe around them.

They’d created this together, with their combined strength, their combined energy, their combined life, to shelter the twin human heroes blessed by Arceus to help guide them as they created Unova. With the older sibling, she wanted to create a kingdom. With the younger, he wanted to create a utopia.

Back then, if you were to ask Reshiram, she would say that it was the humans who ripped them apart.

It was her truth.

If you asked Zekrom, he would say that it was only the humans who could have brought them back together.

It was his dream.

You fool, she thinks, gazing into the ice. Draconic muzzle is twisted not with anger, but sorrow. You got us killed.


***

He understands Necrozma’s hunger. As he gazes into the whirling flames, he sees himself in the light-devouring beast. He knows the feeling of being empty, of taking everything in his path in the hope that something he ate along the way would fill the void.

Every legend has some grain of truth in it. Lacunosa’s, of a monster coming from the mountain to devour wandering Pokemon, had more than just a grain.

When Reshiram and Zekrom had torn themselves apart, he had been the husk that had been left behind, empty and hungry and alone. He stares at the ravenous creature spun into the surface of the flames until its gaze turns toward them. Yellow eyes meet crystalline blue through the portal.

Kichonne reels with a gasp, fiery wheel slamming shut as she falls back. Ice surges behind her, catching her, and in the dark, glowing eyes meet hers.

Your mother was the first to fill the void, he thinks, and you were the first to suffer. There’s no sadness in the thought. He gives the order to summon Reshiram. Kichonne stares back, coldly.


***

Zekrom had loved the boy, the twin who dreamed in ideals. He loved the human race, he loved their passion and their faith, no matter how sometimes misguided they were.

”They will always doom themselves,” she warned him, but not to hurt him. She wanted to save him.

”Perhaps,” he’d answered, electricity crackling softly between his black wings, as it always did when the was thinking. ”But they have a drive that we do not, a passion. There are some that use that fire to destroy… but those who use it to save, save with the passion of a thousand suns. Those are more powerful than any of us gods.”

She wrinkled her nose, fire whisking from her nostrils at the notion, but doesn’t fight him on it. There was an electricity in those eyes—they were crimson, burning with the imprint of fire she left on him when they split—that meant that he wouldn’t be talked down. When he was like his, there was no fighting him.

It was only a week after that the humans he loved betrayed him.


***

Hulking titan of ice gazed hungrily forward. Gloved hand rested on the beast’s wings, wings shattered by the power of the DNA Splicer fused into Kyurem’s very flesh. Opelucid laid silent around them in its glacial grave.

Blue lightning forked across the tumultuous ash sky, booming so deeply that it shook the very ice laid onto the buildings around them. If humans were lightning, then Zekrom was the thunder that chased them like a faithful hound.

“You musn’t,” the dragon rumbled as he landed, thick-plated wings lowering, electricity hopping fervently between them. Round cone tail glowed with soft blue stripes of energy. Three-clawed feet clenched into the ice. The first layer crumpled like paper beneath him.

“Zekrom. It’s a pleasure, really.” The drawl washigh, venomous, slipping from lips paled by the cold. Long hair, beige with a touch of poisonous green, draped down his shoulders, heavy with frost. Styled locks swept back and up across his ears on both side, accompanied by a single standing lock at the top of his head, like a three-pronged crown. Ghestis reached up to adjust the crimson-lensed optic fixed on his right eyes, his gaze honing in on Zekrom’s claws clenching beneath armor-plated bracer.

You’re better than this, Ghestis. Voice was low and growling. It was thunder.

The man, cloaked in a thick cape split between deep purple and paled yellow and stitched with red-pupiled eyes, couldn’t contain his chuckle. “You are too trusting, Zekrom, really.” The Team Plasma emblem, emblazoned in electric blue against monochromatic shield on his gem-laden shoulder piece, caught Zekrom’s eye as Ghestis stepped forward. Gaze quickly drew across to follow the human’s hand as it trailed up the ice dragon’s neck.

Kyurem’s eyes glowed a fierce red, where once they had borne yellow. Zekrom’s jaw tightened. “Last warning: let him go.” Large tail began to burn more fiercely with brilliant cerulean plasma, electricity beginning to bridge down to it from his wings.

Ghestis stepped away from Kyurem with a smirk. “As you wish.” Fingers clicked together in a sharp snap.

The ice dragon gave a thunderous roar. Wings twisted to thrust icicle-speared tips forward. Energy surged from them, and the way it flickered and forked like lightning sent chills down Zekrom’s spine.

Obsidian dragon lunged forward toward Kyurem, then feinted with thundering feet toward Ghestis at the final moment. Electricity burst from the tips of his claws and coiled about the splayed bracer above. Right arm thrusted forward, talons reaching, swiping at the last second for the Plasma king—in the same moment that Kyurem whirls, not missing a beat, to smash icy skull into the black behemoth’s side.

Something cracks within. Heavy body crashes to the ice, electric claws falling just short of landing their mark. He should have known—with Kyurem completely under Ghestis’ control, they were one entity. With a growling cough, he propped himself up and rose to his feet. Zekrom stares at the husk of what they once were, stripped of everything they’d once been.

He thinks of Reshiram, but doesn’t call to her. He has time. If he could just get to Ghestis somehow, even just for a moment, he was sure that he could get through to the good in him.

Paralyzing electricity discharged from his downed form. It rolled from him in waves. Kyurem stepped heavily forward between Ghestis and Zekrom. Clawed foot smashed down into the ice and it obeyed him, bursting beneath his feet and upward into a glacial barrier between them. Sparks crackled, then fizzled out against it.

Kyurem quietly raised his head, peering through the crystalline ice and into the warped image it presented of the beyond, searching for his opponent—his opponent who wasn’t there. Electricity hummed from above and the ice dragon swung his head upward just in time to see the black figure come crashing down, fist cocked back and brimming with energy. Head jerked back, but not quickly enough to miss the armored bracer. Thick plating shattered the ice of Kyurem’s nose, the damage streaking up the beast’s crown in spindly cracks. He roared and swung away in pain.

Zekrom reared back again, another Thunder Punch charging, but Kyurem swung his body to smash thick cone tail into the black legend’s side. The blow sent him thundering to the earth on his side. Within clawed fist, he charged a swirling ball of electricity, then blasted it toward his opponent as he struggled to his feet, but Kyurem was ready.

Ice dragon’s wings cocked forward, icy spikes pointed toward the blast as he faced it head on. Energy surged from the points, twisting into a writhing yellow ball of light. The striking bolt sunk into the orb—

—and didn’t emerge.

He realized it a moment too late. Before he could stop his own stream of lightning, the ball exploded into streaks of light. Zekrom pushed off of the earth and surged into the air, and the missiles of energy plunged after him.

They were faster than he was. His tail thrummed with brilliant blue lightning. Bolts streaked from it as the projectiles streaked near, managing to strike down a few, but the rest pulled forward.

Light arced around him. It looped around his shoulders and pulled him back and tightened around his ribs. It burned. It burned like no fire ever could have dreamed of burning. It ripped through his very being, and he felt like he was being torn apart as he began to fall.

“Zekrom!”

The cry came in his final moment. Crimson eyes rolled slowly to the white-feather figure gliding toward him. And he recognized that she had been right all along.

If he could do it all over again, he’d try to be less naive.

She screamed as his mind was stripped clean from his body, and as Kyurem devoured him.


***

Hulking figure crouched upright. Reshiram could see which parts were his clearly, like night and day—heavy left limb, plated in obsidian armor, and raised left wing coated in shadow, and most of all, the blue electricity that swirled around black tail.

Fire poured through the sky. She was a second sun, searing the ice wasteland frozen by the very beast that she’d created, that they’d created. She knew it wasn’t him, truly—she saw the glowing red eyes that weren’t the empty yellow they’d left behind—and yet she couldn’t help but feel betrayed. Like a falcon, her wings folded to her sides, and like a meteor burning with the heat of the atmosphere, she dove toward Ghestis and Kyurem.

Kyurem turned his gaze upward, eyes narrowed. The air around him froze, massive shards of ice materializing from the very moisture of the air, and then launched at her. She needed only to flick her head to the side to swirl the flame around her into the projectiles’ path. They melted with ease.

She would rip Zekrom back from them if it was the last thing she did.

Thick, glacial ice whisked in a dome over Ghestis as she impacted, claws tearing down into Kyurem’s back as she landed upon him, smashing him down into the earth.

”Give him back!” she roared, the fire that enveloped her melting the very ice upon Kyurem’s form. Steam rose, water pouring down the dragon’s form, moisture clinging to both of their bodies in the few moments before the fire burned it away. Glowing red eyes saw opportunity. Electricity whirred, then surged from his tail in a thunderous blast that split the sky with sound as it blasted into Reshiram’s chest.

The smell of burnt fur filled the air as it sent her flying. The flame about her faded as she laid, chest raw and gaping to the open air, body damp as she laid on the melting ice. Weakly, blue eyes turned toward Kyurem as he began to walk toward her.

Zekrom…

They’d been whole, once, as one being, their essence fused so continually that you couldn’t tell where one began and the other ended, twirled together like the very genetic fabric that crafted the world. She thought that maybe, this was the way things were meant to be, and that maybe, they’d be whole again if she let Kyurem take her.

A light glowed before her, and a figure materialized between them.

Heart dropped. ”You can’t,” she tried to manage, but her voice warbled with crimson in her lungs and bubbling up her throat. She pushes her thoughts toward him instead. ”You can’t, he’ll be lost. Ghestis will destroy him while he’s still inside.”

Golden hooves floated above the ice, the ice still melting in the fading heat that still trickled from her body. An upright ear flicked at her protest, but he did not respond.

Fury surged through her. She mustered the energy to raise her head, flame coiling between glistening teeth before blasting out toward him. His wispy tail twitched, swept it away like it was nothing.

”Don’t you dare do this,” she hissed in the confines of his thoughts. ”There has to be a way to get him back. Don’t you dare.”

”I must.” The voice that echoed back was deep, eternally calm. The calm only infuriated her more, but she could not coax her body to move. Her chest burned. The open air seared.

A part of her knew what had to be done. But she couldn’t stop thinking of the way Zekrom’s eyes had met her in that last moment. She held that moment close as she watched the golden-ringed god walk, unafraid, toward Ghestis.

Kyurem charged, ice building between his fangs. Emerald jewels embedded into the spike of Arceus’ golden ring glowed with energy, casting a bubble about him. The ice blasted toward him reflected away, up into the sky.

Ghestis stood beside the melting ice prison that had just barely saved him, a small, thin device held in his right hand. Even as Arceus turned toward him, he smirked, and pressed down on the screen.

Electricity surged about Kyurem’s form. The dragon roared in pain, crouching low to the ground as it arced about him. The dark obsidian plating began to recede, recoiling to reveal only ice on arm and wing and tail.

”Stop him!” she called, but Arceus was already trying. Thin sprouts sprung from the device’s seams, cracking it apart as it overgrew. But Ghestis laughed.

”You’ve been too late from the beginning, Arceus,” he rumbled. ”He’s already been gone, from the second that they fused. He’s devoured him.”

Arceus, unfazed, continues to stride forward. Ghestis’ resolve does not falter.

Gold-tipped muzzle tilts forward on long, slender neck. The black and white crest that flows behind him billows slowly in the breeze.

”Do it. Kill me, if it makes you feel like you have some sort of control. It’s already done.”

And so he did.

Ghestis felt only the softness of white fur before his body crumpled, the life drained from him. And as it did, Reshiram felt her own strength returning—the god did not pick sides; he picked balance, a life for a life. But it wasn’t the life she wanted to be saved.

The red glow faded from Kyurem’s eyes. The electricity around him fizzled out. The behemoth blinked, slowly, turned his gaze from side to side, before launching up and away, into the sky.

Reshiram’s roar of grief pierced the heavens.


***

”Reshiram.” She’s waken from her memories by the voice, one that she hasn’t heard in a long time. Lips purse.

”Yes?”

”He wants you.” The telekinetic voice is stiff, terse. Reshiram steps out, looks up at the sky. The sliver of the moon is gone. She snorts.

”Very well.”


***

Kyurem gazes steadily at Reshiram as she alights, features expressionless. Yellow eyes meet her blue ones. He knows when she lands that he already has her. The hunger within, always lingering, hums. Just as Kichonne has no choice but to serve him while there were still things he could take from her, Reshiram has no choice but to fuse with him if she wants to feel Zekrom again.

She merges with him again in hopes of feeling, even if for a moment, like they’re whole again, no matter how naive and idealistic that hope is. Twisting, tangling, their essence fused so continually that you couldn’t tell where one began and the other ended—

—and bit by bit, with every fuse, Kyurem consumes her.

fin.

[evanfardreamer]

Got mine done as well - woo hoo!


During a break in the court proceedings, Giovanni gazed out the window at the devastation from the war Kanto had lost. Not physically – the buildings and plazas still stood but that merely hid the ruin. The streets were nearly empty, shops were shuttered, and the only knot of people stood outside the soup kitchen. His own company had done no better; in a few minutes he would return to the bankruptcy hearing, where the vultures would casually divide up the Enko Rocket company which he had built from nothing. Gunpowder had been mandated a critical supply by the government, and there was nobody left to buy the fireworks they couldn’t make anyway.

He felt a bump against his leg, caused by a pink Slowpoke trundling to look through the window as well. It brought the hint of a smile to his face, but it was enough to break the melancholy. “What do you think they’ll leave us, Proton?” he asked without turning around.

The other man stepped up beside his Slowpoke. His light hair almost looked green under the odd bulbs they used in the courthouse. “You know I still hate that nickname,” he replied. The shortest of the executive team and the most science-minded, a glib intern had first used called him that and it’d stuck. “I don’t think we’ll even get to keep the company name. Either way, we owe so much that we can’t possibly stay in business.”

Giovanni sighed, but he had known it was likely. He straightened his tie and smoothed down his suit jacket. “Then I guess we let them take the tooling, and see if they’ll let us use the cash reserves for final pay.”

Proton nodded. “I mean, they have to let us pay the workers. The bank freeze put us three weeks behind on paychecks, people can’t afford to not have that money.”

An hour later he was proved wrong. The creditors seized every physical, electric, or copyrighted asset the company had built up; even the small bit of operating money went towards paying their debts. The workers would get nothing from it. Ariana tried a last minute, tearful plea but the lenders must have had ice stones for hearts.

“Those workers aren’t just employees. They’re family,” she had said, a few wisps of red hair escaping from her bun. And it was true – most of them had been at the company for years, a few of them from the beginning. Making fireworks was dangerous, and they’d had a few accidents despite their caution – the shared danger had bonded everyone from the paper rollers to the executives themselves.

After the verdict they retired to one of the few coffee shops nearby still open; it catered mostly to the lawyers and judges of the courthouse. Missing from their number was Petrel who was occupied with an estate proceeding from his brother and would join them later. “I’m not sure what good it will do, but if we pool some of our own money, maybe we can do enough for our team,” Ariana suggested.

Giovanni nodded. “I was saving for a summer home, but that’s certainly not going to happen any longer. They’ll have what I can spare.”

“And from me,” Proton added. “Our people deserve at least that much.”

They figured out that even what they could spare would be less than half of what the employees were due, but when Petrel joined them he had another solution.

“When my brother was killed in the war, I was the only family left,” he explained. “He owned a gambling parlor in Celadon city that’s pretty run down, but maybe we can pay our team what we have and offer them jobs if they move there, to help make up the rest.”

Giovanni nodded. He had hoped to account for more than running a casino, but perhaps this could be turned to his advantage somehow.

***

What he didn’t account for was his wife’s attitude.

“That was going to be our vacation house!” she yelled at him through the bathroom door.

He had to make her understand. “Those people have run out of savings. They can’t even afford the tiny ration the government will let them buy.”

“Then they can find other jobs! That was our money!” she yelled back.

Why was she being so unreasonable? “This is just temporary. We are going to run a casino that Petrel owns. I know we can make more, and help my team as well.”

Silence for a moment, broken only by sniffles from the bathroom. “That’s really it, isn’t it. A casino, of all things. And your precious team. A bunch of grubby firework makers are more important to you than your wife!”

“Now that’s just preposterous,” he replied. “You know I love you.”

“If you loved me, you’d keep your promise to me and get that beach house!” she retorted.

Before he could respond, he caught a flash of red from the corner of his eye. His young son stood outside the open bedroom door, looking at Giovanni with confusion. The fire red mop of hair, inherited from his mother, and the silver eyes which had earned him a nickname already.

“Son, your mother and I are talking. Please go back to the kitchen.” The little boy didn’t move from his spot. With a sigh, Giovanni left the bathroom door and went over to him. “Son, please. I brought you home a special present. Don’t you want to know what it is?”

The boy nodded. “I will give it to you as soon as your mother and I finish talking. Please, go wait in the kitchen.” Finally his son turned, sticking a finger in his mouth as he wandered back towards the front of the house.

He returned to the bathroom door. “I promised you that vacation house, and in time we will have it. But I will not pay for it with the misery of the people who’ve given so much to help put us there in the first place.”

He heard no reply except the sound of the faucet as she started the shower running. Turning, he delivered an angry kick to the laundry hamper, toppling it to spill shirts and slacks across the carpet. He took a deep breath to calm himself, and went to find his son.

Sure enough the boy was at the kitchen counter, having just poured himself some juice. Reaching into a pocket Giovanni pulled out a red and white Pokeball. “Son, the surprise I brought you is a new friend. Do you want to meet him?”

The boy nodded solemnly. He’d inherited Giovanni’s serious demeanor, even in little things.

Giovanni pressed the button on the front of the Pokeball, and in a flash of light a small, furry lump appeared on the kitchen tile. It was tan with darker brown stripes and an oval, pink nose at the front. “This is a Pokemon called Swinub. It has one of my favorite types. Do you know which that is?”

His son pulled the finger from his mouth. “Gwound?”

With a smile, Giovanni knelt down. “That’s right, he’s part ground type. And he’s part ice type, too, so if the summer gets too hot he can help you keep cool. When you’re older you can take him out for Pokemon battles, too.”

“Nub,” the small lump added. It began snuffling about the tile exploring the kitchen.

“I think he’s hungry. Would you like to feed him?” The boy nodded, and Giovanni opened the fridge. Sure enough, a small carton of mushrooms was in the crisper and he pulled it out, handing it to his son.

The boy carefully took a mushroom from the carton and bent down to the small Pokemon. Smelling food, the Swinub turned around and opened its mouth wide – nearly as wide as it was! His son tentatively reached forward until the mushroom was in reach, and the Swinub happily gobbled it down. That finally brought a smile to his son’s face as he reached for more mushrooms.

Giovanni left them there, gathering his suit jacket as he went to the front door. Ariana was going to pick him up for their first trip to Celadon to see what the future held.

***

It was unimpressive. The Celadon Game Corner was dingy and worn, reeking of stale sweat and spilled beer. Paint was cheap, and new carpet would be the first order of business, he resolved. The lighting was poor, many of the machines were out of order, and the crowd was terrible – compulsive gamblers, mostly, with a scattering of despondent veterans and unemployed businessmen trying to get rich quick. None of them had.

“The sale of my brother’s house should be enough to pay for the renovations,” Petrel told them. “Not much more than that though.”

Ariana eyed a dying shrub in a gaudy ceramic pot. “This place needs more than fixing up. It’s barely making enough to keep the lights on. We need to find a way to get more people in here.”

“I had an idea on that,” Giovanni said. “Right now the people who have the most money, other than those blasted lawyers, is Pokemon trainers.” He pulled one of his own Pokeballs off the clip at his belt. “If we have rare Pokemon as prizes, we can get them to spend that disposable income on tokens for a shot at winning.”

“Where are we going to get rare Pokemon though?” Petrel asked. “I like the idea, but I think we’d spend more on getting them for prize winnings.”

Giovanni smiled. “Use our team. Several of them even took the gym challenge back in the day, but if we send four or five to Mount Moon to hunt for Clefairy, I’m sure they’ll come back with a decent haul to start with.”

Ariana laughed softly. “They probably will, I’m sure they’ll come back with an army of Zubat. What do we do with all those?”

“Why, give them to the other team members, of course,” Giovanni responded. “It’ll be a loyalty bonus for sticking with us. We have more people than we need to run this parlor; get everyone else to start learning about Pokemon. It’s a start, but I’m sure that’ll pay off for us down the line. They can hit the forests, the mountains, even the oceans finding rare Pokemon that trainers won’t want to track down themselves, and we can draw those in here.”

Petrel was nodding. “Yeah, I like it,” he said. “Archer was one of the shift foremen, and had a few badges. I’ll ask him who he thinks will be most helpful on this.”

“This will just be a setback for our team,” Giovanni said. “We will come out of this even stronger than before. No matter what we do, remember – Team Rocket will persevere.”

***

The house was dark when Giovanni returned home. The air was warm as he stepped through the door, and the gentle hum of the air conditioner was absent. “Dear? Are you here?” he asked, knowing that there would be no response. “Son?”

He went to the kitchen first, and an envelope on the marble counter caught his eye. There was no name on the front, but who else would it be for? He pulled a folded piece of paper from it and read the flowing handwriting.

“Giovanni,” it began. “When we married you promised to provide for us and give us a better life. You convinced my father you could support me, and our children. I don’t know if you can anymore, and I don’t want our son to see what you have become.

“We are going back to my parents. If you come to your senses, send us a letter. I hope you do so soon.”

She hadn’t even bothered to sign it. Angrily, Giovanni crumpled the letter and turned to throw it away when his boot bumped something that rolled across the floor. Reaching for the switch, he turned the kitchen light on and saw a small, red and white sphere.

He didn’t need to pick it up to know what it was, but he did so anyway. The heat of anger froze solid within him – she hadn’t even let their son take the Swinub with him. He felt calm for the first time in days, and a flash of his old determination.

Maybe she was right. Maybe he did love the team more than her.

Maybe that was enough for him. They would persevere.

[Shruikan]

This isn't done, but I don't want this to just go to waste, so here's the unfinished story. Pretty bad, but hey, at least it's something, right?


“She’s just an ugly deformed freak! She should feel honoured at the chance to serve me!” Once again Ashe was fighting with her sisters. Well, stepsister’s to be more precice. Anfter her mother had died, her Father had remarried, this time to a widower who had two children of her own. Her younger stepsister Dusk had been born with a deformed wing, and to Ashe this made her one of the lowest forms of life.
“She’s no less normal than any other dragon!” Luna, her older stepsister shouted back. “If anyone’s a freak here, it’s you, little miss perfect princess. Just because your daddy spoiled you, you think you can boss around everyone else! Well, news flash, you aren’t a princess, you’re just a lowly peasant like the rest of us, and you always will be!”
At this, Ashe leapt at her stepsister, screeching with fury as she clawed at Luna.
“Stop this at once!” Hope, Ashe’s stepmother, swept in, pulling Ashe off her sister. Luna had a few scratches, and a few drops of blood trickled down her cheek, but she looked triumphant. “Ashe, go to your room at once!” Hope cried. The grey dragon glared at Hope for a moment, as if she was going to disobay, but then whirled and stormed off towards her cave, shooting a look of hatred at her Stepsisters along the way.

That night Ashe was forced to sleep in the kitchen as punishment. Lying amongst the cinders in the fireplace, the dragoness slept restlessly. Hope felt terrible about this, but had to remind herself to stay strong. Ashe’s action could not go unpunished.

In the night, Ashe once again crept out to the willow tree that signified her mother’s grave. Hope couldn’t make out what she said, but her stepdaughter spoke to it every night since her father had died. Hope felt a pang of sadness, and thought she was ashamed to admit it, a hint of envy, every time Ashe spoke to that tree. She knew she couldn’t replace her real mother, but she still lover Ashe just as much as her own dragonlings, and she hoped that someday Ashe would see her as family too.

The next day, a letter was delivered. Bearing the royal seal, it declared that his royal highness Prince Magenta was holding a ball, with the purpose of finding a suitable queen for his land. As such, all elligeble dragonesses in the kingdom were invited to attend.
“Invited to a royal ball? Me?” Dusk’s face was practically glowing with exictment. She spent the whole morning trying on different jewelry and gemstones, until she looked beautiful.
As she was dressing up, Dusk found a small box with a beautiful gold bracelet in it. Thinking nothing of it, she clasped it around her wrist and went on with her preparations. However, when Ashe saw her wearing the braclet, she screeched and lunged at her.
“That is my mother’s bracelet, you freak! How dare you think you have the right to even touch it! You don’t deserve any of this!”
With that, Ashe tore off the gold bracelet, then proceed pulling gemstones from the tiara and twisting the metal of he wing loops. Dusk cried out in pain as fear as Ashe ripped apart her outfit piece by piece, until finally, she stood in tattered remains, tears flowing as she fled to her cave.
Upon seeing what Ashe had done, Luna was enraged, and quickly went to confront her again, but as she stormed towards her stepsister, she ran into her mother first.
“How could you do such a terrible thing?” Hope was eaquely aghast and furious. What could posses a dragon to do these things to her own family?! “Luna, go and get Ashes jewelery; she’ll be lending it to Dusk tonight, as she won’t be going to the ball.”
“WHAT?! YOU CAN’T DO THIS!” Ashe yelled as Hope dragged her to her cave.
“I can and I am. Now don’t you dare set one foot outside this cave before tonight, or you’ll be in even worse trouble than you already are!”

Hope was still wondering if she’d done the right thing as they arrived at the palace. The ball was magnificent; banners and bunting of purple and gold, with the occasional hint of deep red draped the walls, while ice sculpture of various birds and animals were dotted around the room, along with strategically place refreshment tables, so that a dancer could pause and refresh themselves at any time. In place of a band, there was a whole orchestra, positioned just below the balcony in which the king’s throne was placed.
Dusk was looked as if she would faint from exitment. She glanced around eagerly, as her sister watched with a bemused expression. Luna had never been one to be outwardly fazed by the shows that royalty put on, but Hope could tell that deep down she was just as thrilled to be here as her sister.
As the orchestra began to play an upbeat tune, a dazzling looking dragon with bright blue scales accented by a kings ransom of silver jewelery bowed before Luna, extending one of his front claws. “Excuse me milady, but may I have this dance?”
Luna quickly stifled her surprise, then flicked her snout toward the cieling, looking haughtily down at him. “Very well, I will allow you the honour of being partnered with me, just this once.”

The ball went wonderfully. Dusk enjoyed it greatly, not even noticing the distainful looks she got from the other guests. It was nearing the end of the ball when the doorman announced:
“Drakes and Dragonesses, may I present, the Duchess Cinderella!” Many eyes turned to this newcomer. Though her scales were grey, she wore bracelets of diamond and gold, with anklets made of pure glass.
Hope’s eyes widened as she realised with horror that the newcomer was Ashe.

The prince walked up to her wordlessly extending her talon, which she took with a smirk. As they passed, Hope noticed that the princes eyes were blank and expressionless. “Cinderella” locked eyes with her stepmother, and she smiled triumphantly as she danced with the prince.

As the clock struck 12, “Cinderella” drew away from the crowds,
As she neared the entrance, she glaced around, then carfully removed one of her anklets, positioning it in the doorway so it was not underfoot, but looked as it it might have fallen as she left. The smiling to herself, she sauntered out the castle.

Early the next morning the cave was visited by several dragons.
“What are you-?” Luna began to ask, before six armoured guards pushed inside, followed by none other than prince Magenta himself.
“Your majesty,” Hope said, kneeling before the crown prince. ”What brings you to our humble abode?”
“I met the love of of my at the ball last night, but when I inquired into it, this Cinderella did not exist.” The princes voice was as emotionless as his eyes, which looked as the had the night before. “All I have of her is this glass anklet. This is a unique shape, and I have yet to see a dragoness it will fit; that will be the true princess I shall marry. And so, by royal decree, each dragoness in the kingdom must try it on.”
Ashe upon hearing this, pushed her way eagerly past her stepsisters. “It was I, my prince!” She cried, taking the anklet and placing in around he scales with ease.
One of the guards gasped. She’s a commoner. Look, she’s even covered in soot!”
“She is my love and my bride. The wedding shall be held tomorrow.” Magenta responded flatly. Luna looked on in outrage as Ashe smugly walked out with the crown prince and his entourage.

Over the next few days, news of princess Cinderella spread across the land. No-one knew why the prince had fallen for her. Then one day, the prince just dissapered.

*Didn’t have time to write this part: Cinderella finds the prince annoying and traps him in a hand mirror. She used magic given to her by the tree on her mother’s grave. Eventually, she returns to her old home to visit her mother’s grave, and get in another fight with her family.*

“I imprisoned Magenta, I can do the same to all of you!” Ashe’s eyes were crazed and bloodshot. She raised the mirror, pointing it at her Stepsister. Luna’s talons began to flicker, then her whole body dissapeared, as if it was sucked into the mirror.

*This part either, despite it’s shortness: Dusk sets the tree on fire*

The willow burst into flames, red hot tongues of flame licking at the leaves and turning the branched into ash. “NOOOO!” Ashe shrieked in rage and despair as she flung herself towards the burning monument. Hope cried out, reaching out to try and stop her, but she was too late, as the princess flew straight into the flames, batting at the branches and trunk, desperately trying to quench the fire that consumed her mother’s grave. She continued even as the fires spread to her own wings, almost as if she had been enchanted like the prince.

Hope took a step forwards, but the flames had grown too strong, scorching her wings before she could even begin to approach Ash’s now immobile body. Dusk stared wide eyed with horror. “I-I d-didn’t think she w-would…” Hope pulled her trembling daughter in and covered her face with one wing. “It’s all right. It’s not your fault.” She said in a voice as soothing as she could muster. Ahs she turned her face from the inferno.

The fire raged on for much of the night. By the time it had died down enough to approach, Ashe’s body was burned almost beyond recognition. The willow tree had been reduced to cinders, like the ones in the fireplace Ashe had slept in not so many days earlier. When the tree had died, all it’s magic had been undone, freeing Luna and Magenta from their prisons.

*And no proper ending either :/*

[LKWayvern]

Thank you for your patience.

This round, I decided to alter how points were distributed, giving more to Originality and less to Spelling and Grammar.

The Nugget Bridge Between Good and Evil

Username: Cleobel
Team: Agents of the Shadows
Entry: The Nugget Bridge Between Good and Evil

Commentary and Scoring:

Commentary:

Ah, yes. The Nugget Bridge. I remember this.

One grammar-related thing. When a sentence is ended with an ellipsis, question mark, or exclamation point followed by a closing quotation mark, you don’t have to follow it up with another comma.
So, it would just be ‘“Want to join?” he offered.

Hm. I can see you taking my advice from before, and I can see now how you’re incorporating the flipping of morality and the love. You talk about how Leaf’s crush on the Rocket grunt makes her feel. And that’s good, because I can definitely see the improvement. But reiterating repeatedly that she was just attracted to him can get somewhat redundant. You described how her crush made Leaf feel, you can also explain why the grunt’s looks made Leaf feel that way. What does Leaf find attractive? Warm brown eyes, hair dyed in a unique color, a sort of ‘bad boy’ style?

Another thing. You tend to also list things a lot. Like I said before, there’s an improvement from last time. But in places like the traveling scene, you could say ‘They walked for hours, before finally arriving at…’
Or when Leaf described her team, instead of listing two moves each team knows, she could say ‘It took me hours to find Pikachu, and when I finally did the little scamp shocked me!’ or ‘In Mt. Moon some guy sold me a Magikarp, and Mankey kept picking on her because she just flopped around and couldn’t fight back. But after a lot of training she evolved, and now Mankey’s terrified of her!’ Giving more of a description shows off their moves, their personalities, and their relationships with their trainer.

I’ll admit, the ‘you’re just going to be a Team Rocket Grunt’ line amused me.

You also have a lot of characters announcing exactly what they’re going to do. That can sometimes make the dialogue feel somewhat robotic. When talking in real life, people don’t usually say “I see my friend Casey over on that street corner! I’m going to go talk to my friend Casey about the weather now! Hello, Casey! The sun is very hot! You seem overdressed for this weather!” Dialogue tends to be more along the lines of “Oh, hey, Casey. Why are you wearing long sleeves? It a hundred degrees out, are you crazy?” I’d recommend thinking about how you’d talk in everyday conversation, and convey other information through descriptions or through a character’s inner thoughts.

Hm. Interesting. Being able to practice both attacking and dodging/resisting at once, I like that.

Hm. I think there could be more of a climax in the scene where they steal the Dig TM. I think I recall the police arriving while the Team Rocket Grunt was still in the guy’s backyard in the original game. A gettaway with Pidgeotto would likely be possible, but you could also showcase more of Leaf’s team as well-- Perhaps an officer tries to attack with a team of Arcanine and Growlithe, but Gyarados sweeps them away with water, or an officer’s Pokemon tries attacking Ekans but Pikachu knocks it out with a powerful Electric attack. Maybe Leaf’s worried about word getting back to her mother that she’s joined a criminal organization now, but she sees how the Grunt doesn’t seem worried at all and thinks it’s really cool and brave and makes her keep liking him.

I can see improvement, but you still have a ways to go. That’s fine. Improvement happens steadily, rather than all of once. This is the last round of the PXFire Creative Writing Contest, but here’s something I’d like to recommend for you-- the next time you write fanfic or an original story, I’d like for you to write it out your way, and then go back and edit it. Make notes about what you liked, where you think you did wrong, how you think you can do better-- incorporating more detail, turning dialogue into thoughts or actions instead, and the like. And then use those notes to write a second draft. Some people can write really good stories with a single first draft. Everyone writes a better story when they have multiple drafts.


Originality:

I will admit that it’s rare that I see the Nugget Bridge brought up, and it’s really not very often that I see the trainer meant to destroy an evil team join up with that team.

Four points for Originality.

Characters:

This round you elaborated on why these characters were attracted to each other, physical appearance, and how they got together and the like. You have improved from the last round. However, your writing tends to be more plot-driven than character driven. Things seem to happen because the plot requires for them to happen, rather than because the characters are making decisions and impacting the plot. It’s certainly difficult to create multiple fully-fledged characters in one or two weeks, but something that might help you in character creation may be simply filling out a short form about who they are, and what they’re like. Simple stuff, such as what motivates them in this moment, what is their relationship with other characters and how much do they like the other characters, what things do they believe and what in their past might have influenced this? Perhaps Leaf believed adrenaline and fun in the moment were what motivated her, chose to become a trainer to pursue that rush, and chose to join Team Rocket because that would give her a rush while letting her be with that grunt.

Three points for Characters.

Coherency:

At no point was I confused about what was happening.

Six points for Coherency.

Spelling and Grammar:

A few errors that I noticed, but nothing that detracted from my understanding of the story.

One point for Spelling and Grammar.

Cleobel of the Agents of the Shadows gets 14 points total for their entry ‘The Nugget Bridge Between Good and Evil’



.Death Follows

Username[/u]: Coru
Team: Sabotage Squadron
Entry: Death Follows

Commentary and Scoring:

Commentary:

‘Situs Inversus’? Like a mirror image. How interesting.

Hm. There’s a musical I really enjoy called Next to Normal. It’s not very like this story at all-- it focuses on the parents, Diana and Dan Goodman, rather than their children. But the mention of wanting to live a normal life reminded me of it, since there’s the continued emphasis on striving for a normal life in it, and the daughter of the family, Natalie, is often ignored in favor of her brother.

In Next to Normal Natalie is definitely not the villainous sibling, though, so there’s one difference.

There is, however, one thing I’m wondering about with Morticia. That question being, why was she alone, teased by classmates, and the less favored child of her parents? In Next to Normal, this is a minor spoiler, but Natalie’s neglected because Diana has bipolar disorder, is still grieving the death of her firstborn after 16/18 years depending on the production, sometimes has hallucinations of said firstborn, and at one point in the play attempts suicide, meanwhile Dan is trying to support Diana and make their family appear ‘normal’, both parents having little to no time and energy for Natalie as a result. With Morticia, the reason for her classmates not being her friend… seems to be because she has no friends? Something of a circular paradox. I don’t think it has to do with Morticia’s medical conditions, because they affect both twins(including the Situs Inversus… I suppose that that’s the reason harming one twin harms the other as well?) So I’m curious if there was a certain incident or reason that made everyone love Adelaide or dislike Morticia. A behavior, or aspect of her personality.

“As if a pack of lions were just given fresh meat to consume at a zoo” For some reason, I just really like this analogy.

Creep into their room… And five years old, was that their age now? Now’s when the mental powers will manifest, and the murder begins, I predict.

Well, that’s certainly a traumatic way to discover mental superpowers.

...And how, pray tell, would a five year old girl defend herself from a murderer capable of breaking into a house and murdering two grown adults in their beds? This logic confuses me.

Huh. So I guess Adelaide’s powers manifested earlier, or were more powerful until when things began to turn around later on? I suppose that that explains why people disliked Morticia and loved Adelaide, and why people blamed Morticia for everything.

Two manipulators trying to control each other, and all those around them.

Originality:

I talked last round about good twins and evil twins. I will admit that I see two evil twins with similar powers less often. I did enjoy the twist about them both using their powers for very similar purposes throughout their lives. Not so different, after all.

Five points for Originality.

Characters:

I mentioned before that you could’ve gone further with confusing the audience over who the true villain was. I think you improved with that, here. Rather than there being a clear villain and hero, everything was quite morally ambiguous, especially after Adelaide using her powers since before Morticia discovered them was revealed. In your previous entry, I felt pity for Addie, however in this one… hm. I didn’t quite feel pity for either of them, because they both ended up willingly trying to manipulate all those around them. But I certainly felt something.

That being said, I feel the diary entry was perhaps a little over-the-top? It’s revealed that Adelaide was using her powers and responsible for Morticia’s misery, which I think was an excellent twist and explained a lot. However, it could have been revealed in a way other than immediately diving into monologuing and gloating. Perhaps Adelaide is frustrated by how her powers don’t seem to be working on her classmates, and confused by why her sister who doesn’t deserve this is suddenly so popular. Perhaps she could speculate that Morticia now possesses the same powers as her, and then talk about how it’s Adelaide that deserves this.

Five points for Characters.

Coherency:

There was a different sort of emotional build-up here to the last entry. In The Link, there was a sort of apprehension and anxiety about the nightmares and who the true villain was. But here, it was building up to when Morticia turned to darkness instead, and that final incident, the diary entry that pushed her over the edge.

Nine points for Coherency.

Spelling and Grammar:

No errors that I saw.

One point for Spelling and Grammar.

Coru of the Sabotage Squadron gets twenty points total for their entry ‘Death Follows’.



Fission

Username[/u]: K’sariya
Team: Avalon Apostles
Entry: Fission

Commentary and Scoring:

Commentary:

aaaaaAAAAAAA YES Princess Mononoke is my favorite Ghibli movie!

Again. I really love your prose. Like a lot.

Hm, is this Reshiram? It appears so.

I wonder. But ‘us killed’, does she mean their perfect, united form? Or does she mean a literal death? I do like the distinction between what it was the two kings and their respective dragons wanted. The realist and the idealist.

And now Kyurem! And again-- not so different. I like it when that comes into play.

Hm. So, did Kyurem take Kichonne in as a ward, as penance, then?

And now the last of the trio. I wonder how you’ll write him. He seems to be an optimist…

...I really liked Zekrom’s little scene there. His admiration and optimism, tempered by Reshiram’s warning and caution… and how her words proved correct.

Oh. This scene. I remember this moment.

Okay, so we’re going with Black/Black 2’s world. Also, this scene is making me feel things.

Aaaaaaaa Zekrom no…

Quite often, I see the Legend Duos(Groudon/Kyogre, Dialga/Palkia, Reshiram/Zekrom, Xerneas/Yveltal) only seeming to hate each other and clash and quarrel. Seeing Reshiram and Zekrom having a positive relationship that reads to me like siblings is really refreshing.

I enjoy when passages come back as reprises or echoes.

Recently I’ve been reading the Elric Saga by Michael Moorcock, which also talks a lot about balance-- more the balance between Law and Chaos, though. Life for life is an interesting way to think about it-- but rarely a fulfilling way. I suppose it’s the reason behind vengeance, but vengeance doesn’t truly repair damage done. In some scenarios it does prevent further damage.

I like Kyurem being extremely grey, and anti-hero-- he seems to regret mindlessly consuming before. He fears what bits of himself he sees within Necrozma. He tries to strive for the greater good, by returning the sun to the sky through freeing Solgaleo. But he still brings about destruction. Through his fault or Ghetsis’, Necrozma is still dead. Through his fault, Kichonne’s mother is still dead. And through whoever’s fault, Reshiram’s being consumed piece by piece too.

When she is totally consumed, I wonder if they’ll truly be whole again, and be together, or at the very least, have closure?

Again, it sort of reminds me of the Elric Saga. I’m unsure if you’ve read it or not. But basically the protagonist is meant to bring balance between Law and Chaos, and he fights with a sword called Stormbringer meant to bring about the end of the world someday. Elric himself is physically weak, and only capable of fighting because every time Stormbringer kills, it absorbs the soul of the fallen foe and grants Elric some strength-- and sometimes Stormbringer has a mind of its own and kills people Elric would really prefer to remain alive. And Kyurem totally absorbing Zekrom, and absorbing Reshiram little by little, reminded me of that.

As a side-note, I would absolutely read a series about your Legendaries.

Originality:

Most of what I covered last round still applies here.

Five points for Originality.

Characters:

Really really loved the characters. I adored the relationship between Reshiram and Zekrom, and between Reshiram and Kyurem. The love between the duo, and Kyurem acknowledging what he sees in Necrozma that he also sees in himself, and he and Reshiram reluctantly fusing out of what they felt was necessity. The trio’s complicated feelings about fusion in general, and how they seem to love the idea of being whole in the past. Your Arceus felt more like a force incarnate rather than a flesh and blood Pokemon, which I suppose fits what you were going for, him being pure balance rather than deigning to pick a side.

Nine points for Characters.

Coherency:

I loved loved loved the flow of this. It’s composed of different scenes from different points in this world’s timeline, but the emotional buildup kept increasing at a steady pace, seeming to explode and reach a climax when Reshiram fought Black Kyurem, and come to a closure, though not necessarily a happy one, with the final scenes.

At times I was a bit confused about what was going in scenes at the very beginning, the only one where I had to go back and reread was the beginning of the fight between Kyurem controlled by Ghetsis and Zekrom.

Eight points for Coherency.

Spelling and Grammar:

No errors that I could see.

One point for Spelling and Grammar.

K’sariya of the Avalon Apostles gets twenty three points for their entry ‘Fission’.

Untitled

Username: evanfardreamer
Team: The Order of the Sun
Entry: Untitled

Commentary and Scoring:

[spoiler]Commentary:

Court proceedings? A trial of some kind? And a war? Interesting.

Also, the second story to involve Team Rocket. Almost all the entries this round are Pokemon.

Ah, bankruptcy.

Giovanni originally being the CEO of a firework company? Interesting.

Aaaaaaaand I’m left unsurprised that the creditors took all that money. Wherever shall they get more? It’s not as though this is a foregone conclusion or anything. I kid, I can guess where more money will come from.

Ah, the Rocket Casino.

It was your money, true, but a summer home is less valuable to you than food and rent is to them, I’d wager.

I do wonder though who the war was with. Likely another region. War’s not something mentioned often in Pokemon-- there was the war 3000 years ago in Kalos, the war between the two brothers in Unova. I think a war was mentioned in Lucario and the Mystery of Mew? But any wars mentioned in Pokemon took place in the extremely distant past, the only one I can recall that has a date to it was three millennia ago. It is a fairly peaceful world. I don’t think they’d really be prepared for war in the present-day Pokemon regions.

Oh, hey, Silver.

Yeeeeeeeeees Silver and Swinub are cute.

So THAT’S why Team Rocket has so many dang zubat!

U1:
O: 6
C: 9
C: 7
SG: 1

Originality:

I know there have likely been fanfictions of the backstory of Giovanni and the rise of Team Rocket before. However I did find this one specifically quite interesting. A war in Kanto bankrupting multiple businesses does make sense. It explains some things, allows for the audience to fill in other gaps, and leaves a few more things more open-ended.

Six points for Originality.

Characters:

Team Rocket isn’t typically a team that captures my attention, especially since I’m not an especially big fan of the anime. However I greatly enjoyed your characterization of Giovanni, his interactions with his family and with his colleagues.

Nine points for Characters.

Coherency:

Similar to Coru’s entry, this was something of a foregone conclusion. We knew that Team Rocket would be created, however what was interesting was how we got there. I really enjoyed seeing the future Rocket admins, and seeing the ‘seeds’ of what would occur in the future, like the casino, hunting for Clefairy in Mt. Moon, giving zubat to the grunts. I am curious where things started going sour, when Giovanni and his team decided it was acceptable to begin stealing or to create bioweapons like Mewtwo, or if this is an entirely different alternate universe in which Team Rocket never went astray. The ending seemed rather open-ended in that regard, which I liked.

Seven points for Coherency.

Spelling and Grammar:

No major errors that I could see.

One point for Spelling and Grammar.

Evanfardreamer of the Order of the Sun gets 23 points total for their entry.



Untitled

Username: Shruikan
Team: Avalon Apostles
Entry: Untitled

Commentary and Scoring:

Commentary:

Ah, Cinderella. But with dragons. Yes, good, excellent. But it seems it’s one of the stepsisters who’s the one being mistreated and abused, if I understand correctly?

Hm. I wonder if Ashe refusing to grieve and let go is contributing to her anger at Dusk. Regardless of the cause of her actions, those actions are wrong and I’m glad Hope is punishing Ashe when she does step out of line. Ashe could have asked Dusk to give back her mother’s bracelet instead of attacking her.

Also, I like Hope thus far. I’m curious about what Ashe’s father is like, though. He doesn’t seem to be present.

Ah. It appears a ghost in a certain willow tree disagrees with Hope’s parenting.

Boy, you had one (1) dance with this lady, and didn’t even know her real name, and already you declare her the love of your life.

And I suppose that that goes two ways. Ashe/Cinderella didn’t know him either. I suppose she found his status attractive, mostly? Trapping him in a hand mirror is certainly a new twist. I’m glad that after a time she showed her true colors, rather than the prince remaining enamored with her.

Ah, yes. Fire. The answer to all our unasked questions.

Well, there is a proper ending, I think. Magenta and Luna are free. The antagonist and her magic won’t harm anyone else. Perhaps not a happily ever after with a royal wedding and fanfare, but still closure of a sort.

Be more confident in your writing, you were rushed, true, but I did enjoy it as a story.

U2:
O: 5
C: 9
C: 5
SG 1

20

Originality:

I love dragons as much as the next person, however beyond the tree being set on fire, I don’t see much difference that their species ultimately made. I did greatly enjoy the twist on the tale with Ashe being the villainous one and the stepsisters being the ones being abused, verbally, by Ashe. It also seemed to me that the point of view character was Hope, and I can’t recall ever seeing the stepmother, wicked or otherwise, as the viewpoint character.

Five points for Originality.

Characters:

I did greatly enjoy the relationship between Hope and her daughters, and especially the interactions between Hope and Ashe. I thought that Hope was a wonderful character, likely my favorite in the story, and I was curious about her relationship with Ashe’s father, and what Ashe’s mother was like in life.

Ashe’s character I found interesting. There were parts of her I liked, however as I stated earlier, I feel her relationship with her mother could have been expanded upon-- if it was purely her lashing out in grief and anger against Dusk, if she would have acted like that regardless with less of an excuse, if her mother would have encouraged that sort of behavior, and the like, and what Ashe remembered fondly about her mother. I also wonder what Hope knew about Ashe’s mother.

Nine points for Characters.

Coherency:

It was a disappointment you could not complete the story. I believe what you had written flowed nicely.

Five points for Coherency.

Spelling and Grammar:

Nothing egregious.

One point for Spelling and Grammar.

Shruikan of the Avalon Apostles gets 20 points total for their entry.

[K'sariya]

aaaaaAAAAAAA YES Princess Mononoke is my favorite Ghibli movie!

https://archive-media.nyafuu.org/wsr/image/1451/88/1451882173413.jpg

Jokes aside, I'll totally put that on my list to check it out! Thank you for the praise, and I'm super glad that you enjoyed it. I don't write many stories anymore (I have terrible commitment issues with stories for some reason), but the competition has made me feel a lot better about it when I do!

Thanks so much for your commentary and judging. These themes were awesome. Thank you!

[Coru]

Thank you for the feedback! I definitely agree with what you said. I had the idea about Adelaide being the true manipulator all along and in "The Link" that's why she is anxious and is worried about what Morticia will do to her, just didn't have an idea how to do it. Looking back on it, your idea sounds much better and would be more coherent.

Thanks for hosting such a fun writing challenge the last three weeks, it's been a blast. :)

[Cleobel]

LKWayvern Thank you very much for your advice and constructive criticism! Thank you very much for hosting these three weeks of Creative Writing as well! :D