18

[Dragon Master Mike]

I HAVE RAISED THE RATING! It will likely be a bit worse than PG-13 thus i have raised it to PG-15.The ratings are still based on predictions for how bad it will get.


This story is rated PG-15 For:


Blood
Violence
Mild Language



I was reading Suicunes Fire's story "The Arena" when i got a really weird random idea. "What if the story took some twist and turned into a hunger games-ish death match?" I have no idea where that idea came from, and it sounded insane. but the more i thought about it though the more i thought it could be an interesting concept, so i decided to write this story. my writing skills are far from fantastic but whatever i gave it a shot.

Chapter 4 is out! I think it is going to be the best chapter yet! I was pretty disappointed with previous chapters, but this one I am somewhat slightly satisfied with.



18


http://oi42.tinypic.com/2luoy1g.jpg
"They captured pokemon and then created 18 sectors, sorting the pokemon into the sectors by type. At some point, the humans with their twisted minds had an idea. Once a year, they would go into the sectors and capture pokemon. They would then lock these pokemon into a massive arena where they would be forced to fight to the death. This yearly battle has been called the Arceus Tournament."


Table Of Contents
Prologue (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?1879-18&p=32445&viewfull=1#post32445)

Chapter One (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?1879-18&p=33567&viewfull=1#post33567)

Chapter two (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?1879-18&p=38474&viewfull=1#post38474)

Chapter Three (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?1879-18&p=60505&viewfull=1#post60505)
Chapter Four (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?1879-18&p=68843&viewfull=1#post68843)

[Dragon Master Mike]

Prologue


Corey awoke, startled by a slight tapping on his back. He quickly opened his bright brown eyes and darted his head around, half expecting to see some predator standing over him. No, it wasn’t a predator. It was his best friend, staring at him with an annoyed look.

“What is it, Rex.” Corey said to his fellow Eevee, slightly annoyed over his rude awakening.

“You were supposed to meet me by Snorlax Rock this morning!” Rex responded, understandably annoyed.

“Wait, this morning? What time is it now?” Corey responded, confused.

“Its already noon! have you been sleeping this entire time?” Rex asked, surprised.

“Wait what? you should have come to wake me up sooner!” Corey said, shocked that he had slept so late.

“Whatever, lets just get going.” Rex said. As soon as Corey stood up, Rex darted off into the forest.

“Wait for me!” Corey said, darting after him. It was a particularly nice day. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. There was not even the slightest hint of humidity in the air. Corey saw a couple of Zigzagoons chasing each other around. He was about to run into one, but just barely managed to dodged it. Corey continued shouting at Rex to slow down, but got no responses.

“Rex, come o-” Corey stopped as he slammed into Rex, knocking him to the ground.

“oww,” Corey moaned in pain, “Why did you have to stop like that?”

“You asked me to slow down did you not?” Rex responded. Without saying another word, the two Pokemon ran, slightly slower than before, to Snorlax Rock. Snorlax Rock was a large rock in a clearing in the forest, and a common meeting place for Pokemon. There are many stories as to why the rock is named Snorlax Rock, but the most Popular story was that once, a long time ago, a wise Snorlax would sleep on that rock. He slept most of the time, however if you went to the clearing while he was awake, he would answer any one question. One day a young Rattata went to the clearing, only to find the Snorlax was gone. No one ever saw him again after.

Upon reaching the rock, the two Pokemon proceeded to debate their next move. They would often pretend to be legendary Pokemon and fight each other, or run around playing tag. Sometimes they would even find trees and see who could climb the highest. Today however, they decided to explore the forest around the clearing. The two Pokemon walked out of the clearing from the opposite end they had entered. As they walked, they felt the forest getting denser and denser. They had never been in this part of the forest before.

“I'm getting kind of nervous. There could be anything out here. Why don't we turn back?” Corey said to Rex.

“Don't be such a baby. There's nothing out here.” Rex said in response, looking back at Corey. Rex was much braver than Corey. He also was not as intelligent as Corey however, and often got into trouble by being too daring for his own good. Corey on the other hand, was very cautious, never wanting to do anything out of the ordinary or take unnecessary risks. As the forest got denser, The light on the forest floor began getting dimmer and dimmer, with only the slightest hints of light shining through the dense Canopy. The sounds of Pokemon began to die down. Eventually through Dense shrubbery and many thorn bushes, the forest began to thin.

“Is that a clearing up ahead?” Corey asked, trying to see what the area in front of them was. Rex did not need to answer, for Within seconds it was clear that they had indeed reached a field. Corey and Rex stood at the end of the treeline looking across at what rested on the other side. On the other side was a large fence, at least three meters tall. They both simultaneously realized it. They had reached the edge of their sector. Corey remembered what his father had told him many times.

“Once, a long time ago, Pokemon and humans lived together in peace. Pokemon helped humans and humans took care of their Pokemon. That all changed long long ago. No Pokemon here is old enough to remember what caused the divide between Pokemon and humans, but it was major. At some point they captured Pokemon and then created 18 sectors, sorting the Pokemon into the sectors by type. There are many other species of Pokemon out there that you have yet to see, and probably won't. “

Corey was remembering the story when he noticed something out of place. A group of four humans walked across the field in front of them. Corey remembered with fear the last part of his fathers story.

“At some point, the humans with their twisted minds had an idea. Once a year, they would go into the sectors and capture Pokemon. They would then lock these Pokemon into a massive arena where they would be forced to fight to the death. This yearly battle has been called the Arceus Tournament. They built giant screens where video of the Tournament would be broad casted for all Pokemon and humans to see. The only Pokemon who usually watch it though are the friends and families of those forced to fight.” There was only one reason that humans would be entering the sector, and Corey knew it. It was to capture a Pokemon for their sick games.

“Rex, we have to go” Corey said quietly, biting lightly on Rex’s tail and tugging it. Rex looked back at Corey and nodded. As Rex nodded, Corey let go of his tail and began walking quietly back into the dense forest from which they had just left, Rex following closely behind. Again they walked through the deep shrubbery. By the time they returned to Snorlax Rock, it was already later than they were supposed to be out.

“We really need to be getting home, our parents are going to kill us!” Corey said.

“Yeah, i guess i will be heading back.” Without another word, the two Pokemon departed for their homes. Corey lived in a tiny clearing in the forest enclosed in dense shrubbery and trees in all but two small openings. Upon walking into the den, Cory's mother angrily greeted him.

“Where have you been!” She shouted. “I've been looking everywhere for you!”

“I'm sorry mom, i was out playing with Rex around Snorlax Rock and lost track of time” Corey lied, leaving out the part about travelling through the forest and seeing the humans.

“Well I've gathered fruit for us to eat” She said annoyed, looking over to a pile of food in the corner “Oh, and your father went out, he will be back tomorrow afternoon.”

“Thank you” Corey said, walking over to the corner and helping himself to the pile of fresh fruit. It was late, and Corey was sore from walking all day. He decided it was time to rest. Without saying goodnight to his still annoyed mother, he walked over to the edge of the clearing and laid down. He closed his eyes, recalling the days events. Before he knew it, he had fallen asleep.

Corey awoke, startled by a slight tapping on his back. He quickly opened his eyes darted his head around, half expecting to see some predator standing over him. No, it wasn't a predator. It was much worse.

[Dragon Master Mike]

Chapter 1: Captured

Turning his head around, he came to face to face with them. Humans. There were three in total, two male and one female. Two were standing behind while one walked forward with a large net. The second Corey moved, the net was thrust over him. Before Corey even realized what was happening, he had been dragged off and dropped into a cage. He cried for help as loud as he could, but there was nothing he could do. Any form of resistance was futile. He fruitlessly clawed at the side of the cage, all the while crying for help.

“Shut up in there.” He heard a voice coming from one of the humans.

“Do you want me to use the tranquilizer?” The female human said.

“No, not yet.” the first human responded.

Corey laid down in the cage in despair, all the while being carried further and further from home. They carried Corey until they reached a large gate in the metal fence around the sector. The humans opened the gate, taking him through and closing the gate behind them. On the other side was a human device of some sort. They walked to one side of it and grabbed a handle. As they pulled it up, it opened. They tossed him inside, shutting it behind him. Seconds later, the device began to move, making the cage shake.

“This can’t be happening!” Corey thought, shaking in fear.

“Why is this happening!” Corey knew very well the answer to that question, yet he refused to believe it. He began to examine his surroundings. It was dark, making it difficult to see anything. He could just barely make out the shapes of four empty cages around him.

“They got you too, kid?” Corey heard, startled. He scanned the room again and noticed that not all the cages were empty. The cage next to him had another Pokemon in it. It was too dark to tell what Pokemon, but he was sure it was there

“Y-Yeah” Corey said, barely audible, Looking away from the Pokemon in the cage beside him.

“You know where they are taking us right?” The Pokemon asked.

“Yeah” Corey said, even quieter than before. Corey sat, expecting another question, but none came. Corey was exhausted. He began struggling to keep his eyes open, and before he knew it he was sleeping. When he woke up, he was no longer in the same place. He was in a new cage, in a large room. Though the first cage was just big enough to hold him, this cage looked as though it could hold very large Pokemon. He then noticed he had a collar on. It was tight and uncomfortable. In the dim light provided by a single light bulb in the center of the room he could make out many cages with Pokemon around him. He had never seen such Pokemon before. The Pokemon to his left was mostly black with a few blue areas and a yellow star like shape at the end of its tail. To his right was a large grey winged Pokemon with red spots and a red head. He noticed that every one of them had a collar like him.

Corey was so amazed by the Pokemon around him that he had almost forgotten his current situation. He had been captured by humans, and he knew what they wanted these Pokemon for. Their twisted games. Pretty soon they would all be fighting. Corey didn’t know what to do. His situation was hopeless. He was a young Eevee who was going to be tossed in a massive arena with 17 deadly opponents. He knew he was going to die in this fight. He laid down on the cold floor of the cage, accepting his fate. At some point he managed to fall asleep. He slept for a while before being woken up by a loud noise. He looked up to see a large group of humans walking in. The human at the front of the group began to speak.

“Listen up. You are all going to behave or suffer the consequences. In a few minutes you are going to be led into a room. You are going to be broadcasted on live television, so you better behave. You are to look at the camera while the announcer talks about you, before being led out of the room. After this you will be led into another room. You will be put into another set of cages before being released into the arena.” The room was in an uproar at these words. There were cries of fear and anger echoing through the room.

The men then walked around the room with leashes, letting Pokemon out and putting them on the leash. When it was Corey's turn, he reluctantly obeyed. The Pokemon were lined up in a long hallway, with Corey at the front of the line. In front of him he could see a room. It was a nice room, with floors made of wood, and the walls painted with designs of leaves. There was a man sitting at a desk. As he examined the room, he noticed something behind him. He turned to see another one of the strange Pokemon. It was blue and had sharp claws. Corey turned just in time to see it claw one of the human's legs. The man quickly pulled out a long pole. Upon pressing a button on the pole, the end lit up with electricity. He jabbed the strange Pokemon with it, and upon doing so, it let out a cry, immediately jumping back.

“I guess that's what happens when you misbehave” Corey thought. Seconds later, The man in the room in front of him began speaking.

“Good morning! I bring you live from the arena, the 92nd annual Arceus Tournament! Lets skip all the unnecessary talking and jump right to the introductions!” He said. Suddenly Corey was being led forward. The man holding his leash led him into the room. Corey was shaking with fear.

“Is that the camera?” Corey thought, looking at a strange device pointing towards them. Corey had never seen a camera before. He hoped it was, not wanting to suffer the same injuries as the other Pokemon, and looked at it. The man who had led him in Attached Corey's leash to a loop that was connected to the desk the man sat on. The man then backed off and left the room.

“Aren’t you a cute one!” The man said, looking at Corey.

“From sector one we have an Eevee! He may not be very strong but perhaps his small size and agility can give him a chance!”

That was all the man at the desk said before the man who led Corey in came back and led him out. The man put him in another cage in another room. In the center of the room was a square of screens. They all showed the room where the Pokemon were being led through. This time it was the strange blue Pokemon that had tried to attack the man.

“Now from the cold barrens of sector two we have Sneasel! He looks ready to fight! We will see how he fares against the rest of the competition.” Corey watched as the Pokemon continued to be led in and out.

“Hailing from sector three we have Mismagius! its cries are said to cause headaches and hallucinations! That combined with its ability to phase through solid objects will give it an edge in the tournament!”

“And from sector four we’ve got Donphan! He is a strong one, but does he have what it takes to win?”

“From the marshes and lakes of sector 5 we have Croconaw! Its razor sharp teeth will make it a formidable opponent!”

“And from the mountains and forests of sector 6 we have Talonflame!”

“Now from sector 7 we have Ninetales! It is said that they can live for one thousand years, but will this one live through the tournament?

“And from sector 8 we have Machamp!”

“This Pokemon, it looks so strong!” Corey thought, “I don't stand a chance against any of the other Pokemon! I'm too weak!” Not wanting to hear another word about his inevitable destruction, Corey laid down, looking away from the screen and covering his ears with his paws. When he looked up again, only one Pokemon was left.


“And from sector 18 we have Slyveon!” Corey had never seen such a pokemon, yet somehow he felt a connection to it. It was clearly distressed. Tears ran down its face as it cried in fear.

“This one stands no chance,” The Machamp said in a rough voice, amused, “I will crush her, right after i crush the Eevee.” At these words Coreys blood ran cold. The Machamp had targeted him for termination. As far as Corey was concerned, all hope was gone. The Floodgate holding back his tears finally opened, as water poured from his eyes. He payed no attention to the Pokemon around him laughing and mocking. He didn’t care. His misery was cut short however by a slight pain in his back. He turned around to see a human standing next to his cage. It held a needle, and had just poked it into Cory's side. It only took a second for the medicine to begin to kick in. Within seconds he was sleeping.

[Bulbasaur]

I like the idea. Quite a few grammar errors, but I think it's interesting.

[Dragon Master Mike]

many grammar errors. I think this proves i belong in kindergarden :P thanks though

[Bulbasaur]

Are you going to continue this? You shouldn't stop just because your grammar is bad, because the idea was pretty cool.

[Dragon Master Mike]

Don't worry, it will continue. I just work slow because i don't have the attention span to do anything for too long without stopping. I've got about 1/4 of chapter two written now and i plan to speed up work on it. No promises but i think i should be done by the end of this month.

[Dragon Master Mike]

Chapter 2: Ruby


When Corey awoke, he was still in the cage. The cage however was not in the same location. Examining his surroundings, he saw that he was in a large clearing in the middle of a forest. Looking around, he saw 17 other cages with Pokemon in them. In the middle of the field was a large pile of food. Suddenly he heard voices coming from the large speakers around the center of the arena.

“Get ready contestants, the tournament is about to begin!” With those words, a countdown began to play.

“60, 59, 58...” Corey heard as he began to panic. He quickly looked around at the Pokemon around him. To his left he saw the Scyther and to his right he saw the Ninetales.

“50, 49, 48...” The speakers continued counting.

“40, 39, 38…”

“30, 29, 28…” Corey heard as he saw the Sylveon across the field from him was panicking as much as he was.

“20, 19, 18…”

“10...” Corey heard, his heart pounding the whole time.

“3.”

“2.”

“1.”

“Go!” Corey heard as the cage opened on its own. He stepped out of the cage, looking around in an effort to figure out where to run. He saw the scyther immediately dart towards the center. It ran full speed, looking around to make sure that it was not being followed. But it was. It almost made it to the center when the TalonFlame flew into it, Digging its beak into the Scythers head. Corey froze, horrified as he watched the Scyther fall, Blood flying from the back of its head. It had not even been a minute and someone was already dead. Corey quickly looked to his right when he saw the Ninetales dart towards him. Corey panicked. He began to run but the ninetales was so fast. As he felt the Ninetales come closer, Corey could almost feel the sharp teeth digging into his back. But they didn’t.
“Run.” The Ninetales said quietly as it darted past Corey, disappearing into the forest seconds later. Corey did not know why, but he trusted what this Pokemon said, and following her order, Corey darted off into the forest. He ran, constantly looking back over his shoulder to make sure he was not being followed. He ran until his feet began to ache and his lungs felt as though they might explode. Finally he stopped. He sat beneath a tree, finally resting after what felt like the longest time he had ever spent running.

He began to look around. This part of the forest was heavily overgrown, so overgrown that it must have been a miracle that he had made it this far without tripping on a tree root or running into a bush. Barely any light made it through the forest canopy above him. It was dark and overgrown enough that he could probably hide there for a while. He saw a perfect area to hide, a circle of bushes and shrubs with a tree over it that was just the right size and shape to act as a roof. It almost looked as if someone had placed the plants there intentionally to serve as a shelter. Corey walked through the bushes into the dark area within. He then laid down and closed his eyes, looking to get some rest. He did not expect to fall asleep. He did not sleep very long however before he awoke, startled by voices.

“I wonder if anyone is out here.” One of them said.

“Even if there is we would never see them in this dense shrubbery.” Said another. Corey stood up, and slowly peaked his head through the bushes. It was the Talonflame and Donphan. He looked for a second before the Talonflame turned his head. Corey quickly pulled his head back into the bushes, hoping he didn’t get spotted. He let out a sigh of relief when he noticed the Pokemon were continuing, clearly not noticing him. When he was sure they were gone, he peaked his head out of the bushes again.

“All clear.” Corey thought as he examined the area. He stood in the bushes for a few minutes longer, debating his next move. He knew he could not take on another Pokemon directly, so looking for one would be stupid. He also knew that he could be here for a while, and if he did nothing the whole time he would starve. He could think of only one logical action: finding food. He was used to his mother and father doing gathering, but he knew the appearance of some edible plants. He slowly stepped out of the bushes. He proceeded to walk in the opposite direction as the Talonflame and Donphan.

Corey walked slowly, making sure not to trip over roots or anything else that may have been resting on the dense forest floor. He kept an eye out in all directions for other Pokemon, and for some form of edible plant. As he walked, he began to notice the lack of plants on the forest floor. All he saw were bushes with nothing but leaves. He needed to find some berries or other edible plants. He decided his best bet was to find an area where the canopy above him was thinner. It took him about twenty minutes to find such a place. As soon as the canopy began to thin, He began to notice a higher diversity in the plants that he saw. It only took him a minute to find what he was looking for.

“Berries!” Corey thought, looking at the bush in front of him. He walked up and ate one of the blue berries off the bush. “Oran berries” Corey thought, recognising the flavor. He continued to eat a few more berries. He was about to take another berry when he noticed a sound overhead. It sounded like something was moving in the tree tops. Corey quickly took cover, hiding inside the berry bush. He hoped that whatever was coming did not notice him. his heart raced as the sound drew closer.

“I know you're there.” Corey heard a voice say from above him. “You can come out. I am not here to hurt you.” Corey peeked out and saw the Ninetales from earlier. Corey knew he shouldn’t reveal his location, but for some reason the Ninetales made him feel safe.This made no sense though. Why should he trust another Pokemon when everyone there was supposed to be his enemy? He knew he was being stupid, but he began to step out of the bush he was hiding in. He hoped only that if he had made the wrong choice, his death would be swift. Almost the second Corey’s whole body had left the bush, the Ninetales jumped down from the tree. She landed directly in front of him. Corey looked down as she looked at him. After a few seconds, the Ninetales spoke.

“Tell me.” She said. “what is your name?”

“C-Corey. Its Corey.” He hesitantly responded.

“I can tell you are one who does not wish to fight.” The Ninetales said. Corey remained silent, slowly looking up at her. “You are not alone. There are others who do not wish to fight. Others including me.” She said, still looking at Corey. Corey slowly looked up at the Ninetales.

“I see you have already found food. If you head directly east from here you will find a stream. From there you can get fresh water. Go there.” The Ninetales said.

“Why?” Corey questioned. “How do i know i can trust you?”

“Because i have already helped you. I told you to run, and you ran." The Ninetales said, speaking of the beginning of the tournament. She paused for a second before continuing. "In addition to this, If you couldn’t trust me you would be dead right now. And i know you trust me, otherwise you would not have left the bush when i called you. ”

Corey could not argue.

“Why are you helping me?” He asked.

“I have already told you, because i don’t wish to fight.” The Ninetales said. “That and-” She began before stopping. “I can’t talk about it now. The Humans have eyes and ears everywhere. Just do as i say and head to the stream. Wait for me there. You will surely get there before me, as i need to make a few stops along the way. Go now. And stay away from any other Pokemon you meet." With those words she began darting towards a tree. With what appeared to be little effort, she leaped from branch to branch until she was half way up the tree.


“Wait!” Corey shouted as the Ninetales quickly turned her head down towards him. “What is your name?” Corey asked.

“My name?” The Ninetales said. “My name is Ruby.” Without giving Corey a chance to say anything else, She quickly darted off into the forest, jumping from tree branch to tree branch. And just like that Corey was alone again. It was clear to him that he could trust Ruby, for if he couldn’t he would be dead. He followed her instructions, heading east. The journey was uneventful, As he saw no signs of other Pokemon. There was nothing of interest to see; just Oak trees and bushes.

It took Corey about an hour to reach the stream. Corey was happy to see the crystal clear water. The stream about 3 meters across. A large amount of fresh water flowed through it. Corey walked over, his legs growing sore from walking all day, and began to drink from the stream. He felt the much needed water flowing down his throat. Once he had finished drinking, He looked up at the sky. Though it was hard to tell through the trees, Corey estimated based on the position of the sun that the time was somewhere between two and four in the afternoon.

Corey remembered Ruby’s next instruction. He was to wait for her. Corey spotted a large bush a few meters upstream. He walked to it and hid inside. He lied down, allowing his tired legs to rest. He proceeded to keep an eye out for Ruby, making sure not to make the mistake of falling asleep again. after about an hour, Corey began to become worried. Surely Ruby would come, Corey told himself. It took another twenty minutes before he heard something. He stood up and walked out of the bush. He looked around for the source of the noise. He noticed movement in a bush across the stream from him. He watched excitedly, waiting to see Ruby come out.

Corey saw a head pop out from the bush. But it was not Ruby.

[Bulbasaur]

I like this chapter! Good job. It leaves a lot of mystery, such as who the Pokemon is at the end of the chapter, and if Ruby can definitely be trusted. Can't wait for chapter 3!

[Dragon Master Mike]

Chapter 3: Blood


Out of the bush a small Pokemon came. Corey could not possibly have forgotten about this Pokemon. It was the Sylveon. Corey immediately lied down, trying to hide in the grass. The Sylveon walked out of the bush, looking as upset as when the tournament had started. Even though Corey had never seen a Pokemon like this, it looked somehow familiar to him. Corey saw no threat from the strange Pokemon. Slowly, he stood up. The Slyveon instantly saw him.

“Please don’t hurt me!” The Slyveon said, panicking as she slowly stepped backwards.

“I… I’m not going to hurt you!” Corey said. This seemed to alleviate her panic. Corey walked towards the stream. He decided to cross the stream by jumping on stones sticking out from the water. The stream was not very wide, and it only took three jumps to make it all the way across.

“W-what's your name?” The Sylveon said as Corey walked towards her. Corey stopped less than a meter from the strange Pokemon.

“Corey.” He said. “Whats your name?”

“Ivy.” The nervous Sylveon responded.

“I-” Corey didn’t even have a chance to finish before he felt the teeth sinking into him. He didn’t even need to look to feel the sharp pain coming from his shoulder. It was a trap. Corey fell down on his side, as the Slyveon’s teeth dug into him deeper and deeper. Corey didn’t know what to do. He noticed the Sylveons ribbon like strands draping down from its neck , and he did the only thing he could think of, he turned his head towards the closest ribbon and bit it. The Sylveon briefly loosened its hold before biting back down full force again. It was then that Corey realized He couldn’t fight it. Corey’s panic began to fade slightly as it hit him. The realization that it was over. Corey knew then that he would never see his friends and family again. He would die then and there, at the feet of the Sylveon. He closed his eyes and accepted his fate.

Suddenly Corey felt the Sylveon release her grip. The pain immediately lessened. Corey almost didn’t want to, but he opened his eyes. He looked up just in time to see the fire hit where the Sylveon had been several seconds earlier. He then saw the source of the fire. Ruby leaped down from a tree across the stream and began running towards Corey.


“So that's why she ran off…” Corey thought, almost forgetting about his rapid loss of blood from the injury on his shoulder. He attempted to stand before collapsing back down on the ground, immobilized by pain. Ruby ran over and grabbed Corey, moving him away from the fire.

“Corey,” Ruby said, “you’re going to be ok!” Corey looked up to see blood flowing out of the wound on his shoulder. He began to feel light headed. He briefly looked around for the Sylveon, but she was nowhere in sight. Ruby pressed her paws on the wound, attempting to slow the bleeding. As Corey looked up at her, everything began to get dark. The pain in his shoulder began to dull. Was he dying? He asked himself. If he was, he was in too much pain to care. It only took a few moments more for all consciousness to fade.

Corey opened his eyes. It was dark. Looking up, he could just barely see stars through the leaves. It had clearly been several hours since he had lost consciousness. He noticed Ruby lying a few meters away. He looked down at his wound. It did not look as bad as he expected, but it did not look good. His whole shoulder and leg was covered with dried blood. Corey began to stand, but quickly fell back down, yelping at the sharp pain from his injury. Ruby quickly darted her head towards him.

“Don’t move.” Ruby said, standing up. Corey looked up at her as she walked over. “You need to rest for a while. That wound is going to take a long time to fully heal.” She said, sitting down in front of Corey. It was then that Corey noticed the burnt patch of fur on Ruby’s back leg. This patch had not been there when he had first met Ruby.

“What happened to your leg?” Corey asked, staring at the small spot.

“Oh… That?” Ruby began, her tone immediately changing. “Well…” She said, looking away. She paused for a few seconds before looking back at Corey, a look of sadness in her eyes. “I… I told you there were others who did not want to fight. Earlier today, when i instructed you to come here… I left to try and find and gather them. I… I found one… But then…” Ruby paused for for a few more seconds, tears beginning to form. “I couldn’t save him, I tried, but the Talon Flame… I barely got away myself…” Ruby said.

“I… I’m sorry.” Corey said.

“It’s ok. Just try to rest.” Ruby responded. Corey looked at ruby for a few seconds longer before speaking.

“I want to go home.” Corey said.

“I’m sure you do, and i’m going to do what i can to get you there.” Ruby responded. “I have a plan. I can’t tell you now, as the Humans are watching us, but you will see soon.” Corey was curious, but did not bother asking any more about the plan.

“What’s it like where you're from?” Corey asked.

“Sector 7? Well, that depends where in the sector you are. The area i like stay in is much like your sector, all forest. There are also some grasslands. Most of the sector though is desert.”

“How do you know what my sector is like?” Corey asked, puzzled.

“The same way i know about all the other sectors.” She responded.

“But-” Corey began when he was cut off.

“I’ve already said too much.” Ruby said. “You need to try and get some sleep.”

“But-” Corey was saying when he began to feel very tired. He looked up at Ruby and saw a slight shine in her eyes. That was the last thing he saw before falling asleep. This time when he woke, it was lighter. Though he could not see the sun clearly through the trees, he estimated it was still only dawn. Corey looked to where Ruby had been before and noticed she was gone.

He decided to take a look around for her. He slowly stood up, trying to tolerate the pain. He stood for a few seconds before taking a step. He only managed to make it two steps before the pain became too great for Corey to stand. He fell down, landing on his side. He closed his eyes as tight as he could, waiting for the pain to fade. After the pain was gone, Corey tried to stand again. He decided it would be a good idea to try and wash his cut, so slower than before, he walked towards the stream. As Corey let the water from the stream hit the cut, it stung bad, but after several seconds the pain began to fade.

After letting the stream rinse it for a minute, Corey made his way back to where he had been laying earlier. He had just gotten there when Ruby jumped down from a tree in front of him. She was holding a large branch.

“I brought you some oran berries.” Ruby said, dropping the berry filled branch to the ground.

“Thank you.” Corey responded, looking at the berries. He ate one, then looked back up at Ruby. “Aren’t you going to have any?” Corey asked.

“I already ate.” Ruby responded. Corey continued eating berries until he was full.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully. Corey hid in a bush and rested while Ruby gathered berries and scouted the area, regularly checking back to make sure Corey was ok. It was sunset when Corey began to notice the drop in temperature. It was only another minute before Ruby mentioned it.

“Are you feeling cold?” Ruby asked.

“Yeah, kinda…” Corey responded.

"The temperature is dropping. I will go make a fire." Ruby responded. She ran off into the forest. After a few moments she came running back with a large branch. She repeated this several times until she had built a small pile of branches. Then, looking down at the branches, she opened her mouth. Almost immediately after that, a small stream of flame came flowing out. Corey was briefly startled by the fire, but quickly calmed. He looked down at the branches as the fire began to catch. Ruby then looked over at Corey. As Corey saw her look at him, he noticed her expression immediately change. It was then she spoke.

“Don’t turn around.”

[Suicune's Fire]

OH MY GOSH I FINALLY GOT AROUND TO READING THIS. I'm so sorry it took me so long. x__x Okay, there are many grammatical errors in this, but I'll only point out some so I can give you an idea of what you'll have to go back and fix yourself.


“What is it Rex” Corey said to his fellow Eevee, slightly annoyed over his rude awakening.
When characters address each other, there needs to be a comma before their name. Also, at the end of speech (but still within the quotations) you need to have a comma, unless the speech is the end of the sentence. In this case, since the sentence continues, putting a comma is correct.



“You were supposed to meet me by Snorlax rock this morning!” Rex responded, understandably annoyed.
The r in "rock" should be a capital because it's a proper noun. :]


“Wait what? you should have come to wake me up sooner!” Corey said, shocked that he had slept so late.
"Wait" and "what" do not form a sentence without any grammar, so you'd need a comma after "wait." Also, a capital y for "you."


“Whatever, lets just get going” Rex said.
You need to be careful of words like "I'm" and "let's" and "there's" which all have apostrophes. I noticed quite a few times that you fail to use them, such as here with "let's." In any place where it's an abbreviation for a word and then "is" after it, or in this case, "us," you need to put an apostrophe.


“oww” Corey moaned in pain “Why did you have to stop like that?”
Remember, AAAALLLLWAYS put a capital at the start of a sentence, so that "oww" needs a capital O. It also needs grammar at the end of the speech, as EVERY piece of speech you ever write does. Because "Corey moaned in pain" is part of the same sentence as "oww," then you need a comma after "oww." You also need a full stop after "pain" because that's the end of your sentence. The following speech is a new sentence, or a question, so the capital letter is correct.


There are many stories as to why the rock is named Snorlax rock, but the most Popular story was that once, a long time ago, a wise snorlax would sleep on that rock. He slept most of the time, however if you went to the clearing while he was awake, he would answer any one question. One day a young Rattata went to the clearing, only to find the Snorlax was gone. No one ever saw him again after.
Again, watch out for the capital r in "rock" and there's a random capital "p" in "popular" for no reason. Remember, you only put capitals in proper nouns, such as places, names and important objects!

Aside from that, I really like how there's a story behind Snorlax Rock. It makes it feel more real, and it's extra detail that you thought to put in, which is great. :]


“I'm getting kind of nervous, there could be anything out here, why don't we turn back” Corey said to Rex.
A few things about this quote. Firstly, "why don't we turn back" is a question, so you need a question mark at the end. Second, you have two commas when you should have none. They should be either semicolons or full stops, because they're three separate sentences. Do you see how they, if you break them up, can sit on their own as different sentences? That's when you know that you should use semicolons or full stops. If you feel like the two parts relate to each other, then you put a semicolon, but otherwise you put a full stop. Alternatively, you would put something like an "and" to join the sentence (though I don't know how you would in this case xD). If you had that joining word, then you could still use a comma. Let me show you in more detail:



“I'm getting kind of nervous; there could be anything out here. Why don't we turn back?” Corey said to Rex.

That is correct. Also, do you see how neat it looks now? x)


“Dont be such a baby, theres nothing out here” Rex said in response, looking back at Corey.
Remember the apostrophes! Also, that comma should be a semicolon or a period, and remember that you need a comma after "here."


“Is that a clearing up ahead?” Corey said, trying to see what the area in front of them was.Rex did not need to answer, for Within seconds it was clear that they had indeed reached a field.Corey and Rex stood at the end of the treeline looking across at what rested on the other side. On the other side was a large fence, at least 3 meters tall.
In two cases here, you have full stops at the end of sentences and then a new word literally joining onto the full stop. xD Make sure you go over this and put a space in there. Also, in stories, you never put the figures of numbers in. You always write out the number, so this should be "three." UNLESS you're quoting a big number, or if it was something like, On the whiteboard, it read: buy me 17 cheesecakes. Or something. XD


there are many other species of pokemon out there that you have yet to see, and probably won't. “
Firstly that t in "there" should be a capital because it's the start of a new sentence, and secondly, the quotation at the end of the sentence is facing the wrong way. xD


He closed his eyes, recalling the days events Before he knew it, he had fallen asleep.
There should be a full stop after "events." x)

Okay! So those are the errors I chose to show you so that you may improve. :D I really would love you to go back through your chapter(s) and correct these errors. Most of them are easy to spot, such as random, out of place capital letters in sentences. Remember apostrophes in your don't and I'm and there's. One thing I also noticed was at the start of the prologue, you used "Pokemon" with a capital P. Then you switched to using a lowercase p. It's best to make up your mind so that you stick to one thing, but after that point, it looks like you continued to use lowercase p. x) I do that too, as you would know, but it's up to you.

Description: Your description was minimal, but it was enough to get a feel for what was happening. However, more description would be lovely, such as quickly describing things Corey sees, like Rex, and like that zigzagoon he nearly hit. Also describing the forest in a bit more detail would be great, perhaps the smells his nose picks up; the feel of the soil under his paws, etc. Also, remember that "said" is a very boring word. Wherever you can, use another word. There are plenty out there that not only describe the scene more, but make it more lively. Here are a few I found:

Accepted, Accused, Acknowledged, Admitted, Advertised, Affirm, Agonized, Agreed, Alleged, Announced, Answered, Appealed, Apply for, Arranged, Articulated, Asked, Asserted, Asseverate, Assumed, Assured, Attract, Aver, Avow,
Barked, Bawl, Bawled, Beamed, Beckoned, Begged, Bellowed, Beseeched, Blubbered, Blurted, Bossed, Breathed, Broadcast,
Cajole, Called, Carped, Cautioned, Censured, Chimed in, Choked, Chortled, Chuckled, Circulate, Claim, Comforted, Conceded, Concurred, Condemned, Confer, Confessed, Confided, Confirm, Consoled, Contend, Continued, Crave, Cried out, Criticized, Croaked, Crooned, Crowed,
Declared, Defend, Demanded, Denote, Dictated, Disclosed, Disposed, Disseminate, Distribute, Divulged, Drawled,
Emitted, Empathized, Encourage, Encouraged, Entreated, Exact, Exclaimed, Explained, Exposed,
Faltered, Finished, Fumed,
Gawped, Giggled, Given, Glowered, Grieved, Grinned, Groan, Groaned, Growled, Grumbled,
Handed on, Held, Hesitated, Hinted, Hissed, Hollered, Howled,
Impart, Implied, Implored, Importune, Inclined, Indicate, Informed, Inquired, Insisted, Interjected, Invited,
Jabbered, Joked, Justified,
Keened,
Lamented, Laughed, Leered, Lilted,
Maintained, Make known, Make public, Marked, Mewled, Mimicked, Moaned, Mocked, Mourned, Murmured, Mused
Necessitated, Needed, Noted,
Observed, Offered, Ordered,
Panted, Passed on, Pleaded, Postulated, Preached, Premised, Presented, Presupposed, Proclaimed, Prodded, Professed, Proffered, Promised, Promulgated, Proposed, Protested, Provoked, Publicized, Published, Puled, Put forth, Put out,
Quaked, Queried, Quipped, Quivered, Quizzed, Quoted,
Reassured, Raged, Ranted, Reckoned that, Rejoiced, Rejoined, Released, Remarked, Remonstrated, Repeated, Replied, Reprimanded, Requested, Required, Requisition, Retorted, Revealed, Roared,
Said, Sang, Scoffed, Scolded, Seethed, Sent on, Settled, Shared, Shed tears, Shouted, Shrieked, Shrugged, Shuddered, Snarled, Snivelled, Sobbed, Solicited, Sought, Specified, Spluttered, Spread, Stammered, Stated, Stuttered, Stressed, Suggested, Supposed, Swore,
Taunted, Teased, Testified, Thundered, Ticked off, Told, Told off, Tore a strip off, Touted, Trailed off, Transferred, Transmitted, Trembled, Trumpeted,
Understood, Undertook, Upbraided, Uttered,
Verified, Vociferated, Voiced, Vouched for, Vouchsafe,
Wailed, Wanted, Warned, Weep, Wept, Wheedle, Whimpered, Whined, Whispered,
Yawped, Yelled, Yelped, Yowled, yipped, yammered, yawned


I added "yipped," "yawned" and "yammered" to that list. XD

As far as grammar goes, I think it's really up to proofreading. It doesn't seem like you proofread much, so make sure do that before you post chapters, because it can save you from a lot of errors. Also, if you're using Word, may I advise using the auto-correct function to change "pokemon" to "pokémon"? It makes it look better to have the accented é. XD

I thought that it was an interesting start, but when they saw the humans, I was surprised they didn't panic. As well as that, when Corey returned home, he not only acted totally calm, but he also slept at the edge of the clearing. I didn't expect him to do this because, well, I'd certainly be panicking in that situation. xD Not just that, but when his mother said that his dad was out, I thought he was going to freak out in fear of his father being caught. It just seemed a little odd that he didn't panic.

I'll keep reading and edit this post with more chapter reviews! :D I do like it so far and I have no doubt that you can improve with a little more practice and through some more editing. x)




CHAPTER TWO.


“This can’t be happening!” Corey thought, shaking in fear.

“Why is this happening!” Corey knew very well the answer to that question, yet he refused to believe it.
Speech and thoughts go on the same line if it's the same character thinking or speaking, so this speech should be on the line above.


It was too dark to tell what pokemon, but he was sure it was there
There's no full stop at the end of this sentence. x)


“This one stands no chance,” The Machamp said in a rough voice, amused, “I will crush her, right after i crush the Eevee.” At these words Coreys blood ran cold.
HOW RUDE. What a buttpie. Also, because his second sentence of speech is a separate sentence, the comma at the end of "amused" should be a period. If you're unsure how this works, just eliminate the quotation marks and work with it as if it's a regular sentence. :] Also, I saw this quite a number of times--make sure you put apostrophes in words! It should be Corey's. Also, there's a lowercase 'i' which should be in upper case.

I liked this chapter, and the story is progressing, but again there was a lack of detail. Feel free to go into detail about the thoughts and feelings of the characters, namely Corey, since it's about him. We want to know what he's thinking, how he's reacting when he's panicking. I expected the pokemon in the cages around him to do something - even make a fuss - but they didn't. They didn't even try to talk with Corey, apart from the pokemon that spoke to him earlier.

Another thing is, I find it incredibly confusing how none of these pokemon tried to fight back. When it was describing them being hooked onto leashes, I was having a hard time believing it. If they truly wanted to survive, they WOULD fight against it. I mean, the psychic type would surely have tried to confuse the humans or damage them without the humans even knowing it. Electric types would shoot lighting, and fire types would spill flames. It's logical to think that they would attack, especially when there's eighteen of them. There certainly could be many ways the humans could contain them, but it didn't mention anything other than a taser. And that could be easily destroyed with any pokemon's attack. It only has to be little, but somewhere, you have to specify why their attacks would be ineffective. Sure, Corey's small and weak, but that machamp would never be able to be held back with force. They would have to have their own extremely powerful pokemon to hold back any pokemon they captured to ensure that they wouldn't rebel.

One thing I thought of might be that the pokemon, after being knocked out, are injected with paralysing agent or something, and then weakened within an inch of losing their consciousness. Maybe then they could be controlled, but they all seemed entirely fit and healthy. xD It's things like this you need to take into consideration.

Anyhow, I'll keep reading. :] Not as many errors this time, but I didn't spot most of them because I gave you pointers on the type of thing you have to look out for in the prologue so you can find them and fix them yourself.

~SF.

[Dragon Master Mike]

Thanks so much! Honestly its less a matter of proofreading and more a matter of the fact that my grammar is so terrible that i didn't even know most of those things were wrong (I knew lots of things were wrong, just not what specifically was wrong). I will TRY to improve it at least slightly. about what you were saying, i thought about possibly giving all the pokemon special collars that supressed there powers, but that sounded just like in your story so i decided to try and think of something else. The taser is what i eventually settled on, but looking back, that would have to be a very strong taser to have stopped a Machamp or some of the other strong pokemon. I'm really not the best writer. I guess now would be a good a time as any to start proofreading with the stuff you just told me.

Actually now that i think about it, most of those errors were things that i know are wrong, if i proofread more i could have fixed them. In the future i will do more proofreading

EDIT: After proofreading the prologue and chapter one, i have realized that my issue is partially not proofreading enough and also partially expecting spell check to fix more than it actually does. I have proofread it to the best of my abilities (I think).

[Suicune's Fire]

Thanks so much! Honestly its less a matter of proofreading and more a matter of the fact that my grammar is so terrible that i didn't even know most of those things were wrong (I knew lots of things were wrong, just not what specifically was wrong). I will TRY to improve it at least slightly. about what you were saying, i thought about possibly giving all the pokemon special collars that supressed there powers, but that sounded just like in your story so i decided to try and think of something else. The taser is what i eventually settled on, but looking back, that would have to be a very strong taser to have stopped a Machamp or some of the other strong pokemon. I'm really not the best writer. I guess now would be a good a time as any to start proofreading with the stuff you just told me.

Actually now that i think about it, most of those errors were things that i know are wrong, if i proofread more i could have fixed them. In the future i will do more proofreading

EDIT: After proofreading the prologue and chapter one, i have realized that my issue is partially not proofreading enough and also partially expecting spell check to fix more than it actually does. I have proofread it to the best of my abilities (I think).

No worries! :] Well you do know that there are supposed to be apostrophes in words like "don't" and "let's" and such, yes? And always using a capital at the start of a sentence. And don't worry, even people who have been writing for years don't know how to punctuate their speech properly. I didn't know until someone on Pe2k pointed it out to me. xD Well I'm glad to help you in any way. :] And yeah, I'm sure you will improve! Ahh lol. Well that would be fine to me. XD I mean, only Typhen and other electric types have collars because it has the rubber to suppress their electricity. The others wouldn't have colours as such, so go for it. xD I mean, that IS a logical solution. Yeah, and it would have constantly have to be used on them because they would NOT take that lying down. xD No no, don't be discouraged. I still enjoyed it. You learn how to write better over time, so don't think I was hinting that you sucked as a writer. XD That's not true at all! And yeah, definitely. Now that I've pointed some things out, I'm sure you'll be able to see them much more clearly. :D

Yeah, I'm surprised that spell check didn't pick up on most of that. xD Are you using Word? Guessing by the "smart quotations" I'm gonna guess you were, but the dumb thing doesn't seem to have picked up on a LOT of things. Even just "dont" should show up as an error because it's not a word.

Anyhow, I'll give it a read after work and see if I can help ya any more. :D Feel free to go over the other chapters too so there are fewer errors by the time I read it. XD I find proofreading fun! You get to go, "DIE, UNFAITHFUL ERROR!" and correct it like a BOSS. xD


EDIT: I saw the first post and I would like to propose that you look specifically at the things I quoted about the prologue. You missed some things (such as the capital O in the "oww") and added full stops/periods where I said to add a comma instead. xD Think of it like a continual sentence. If you put a full stop at the end of speech, but then had "Corey said" after it, then it's like putting a random full stop in the middle of a sentence. But you want it to be the same sentence, so you put a comma to show that it's ongoing. Make sense? If not, I can show you what I mean in better detail.

For chapter two:


He lied down, allowing his tired legs to rest.

The correct term should be "lay down," not "lied down." Lied refers to someone who has not told the truth, but the paste tense of "lie" for resting is "lay."

I just read chapter two and I would like to say, I really enjoyed it. I love how you jumped straight into the action and wasted no time in describing the events. I was able to easily picture it and I found it quite pleasant to read. I like how some of the pokemon teamed up with each other and some, like Ruby, don't want to fight. It interests me how some are like that and some simply don't care, like the talonflame and the machamp.

I have a few criticisms about it, which is again a lack of detail in a logical/wide-thinking manner. For me, I always try to imagine it as something real that's happening, and thus I consider things like what the other characters - not just the main character - are doing. If some of them didn't want to fight, don't you think they would be doing something like burning the entire forest down? That's reckless, I know, but it's a protest against the games, at least. If the pokemon still have collars to prevent their powers from being used to destroy the arena or give them definite advantages, you should probably specify that so we're aware, and so that it makes more sense why nobody, for instance, tried to shock everyone in the arena the second the countdown stopped. I mean, what about the donphan using earthquake to destroy the clearing so that pokemon would fall through cracks in the ground? That would immediately eliminate many pokemon in the competition, especially those weak to ground types. Not only that, but all these pokemon have had at least a number of hours to plan what to do when they first got into the arena, so it's more than likely that many of them would have plans for sabotage.

Another thing was Corey hiding in the shrubs. It's good he found shelter, but if he was able to see that it provided cover and served as a good hiding place, why did nobody else? As well as that, I find it odd that he could fall asleep with all that was happening around him. He's been sleeping a lot lately. xD And he does so easily, like he's not worried about whatever could find him in there while he's got absolutely no way to defend himself. Just something to think about.

There was a timing issue as well; it took Corey an hour to reach the creek, but how did Ruby make it to the stream and then back in such a short time and then wait around those trees before Corey even got there? The only thing I can think of is firstly, Ruby running directly to the stream when the countdown hit zero, and secondly, her moving a lot faster than Corey to outmatch his speed any day. This could have been the case, but you didn't specify, so it gets confusing.

Something else I noticed was that you rarely capitalise "I" on its own. I, as its own word, should ALWAYS, ALWAYS be a capital. You capitalise it at the start of sentences, but other than that you use a lowercase, which is never correct. I would assume you'd know this, but judging by your consistent failure to capitalise it, I'd say you were aware that you weren't capitalising it and did it intentionally.

There are still other errors like lowercase letters at the start of sentences and such, but other than that, I really liked the chapter itself, and what happened. You're actually a pretty good writer--you just need to take into account logical details, more description and then, of course, grammar. You've improved already, which is absolutely wonderful. :D More practice and you'll be a pro in no time!

I found the chapter very engaging, so make sure you remember that even though there are errors, it's still a good story and I CERTAINLY believe you can improve. :D PLEASE don't be discouraged by the errors at this point. Like you said, most of them are because you're not sure that they are errors in the first place, so once you're aware of them all, you'll be able to do that easily and then focus more on the writing itself and story development.

KEEP IT UP and I'll be sure to read the other chapter soon! :D

Okay, I've read chapter three. XD

For the most part, it was great, once again. :D I LOVE that the sylveon turned out to be nasty! And totally not what Corey expected! O: What a shock! I'm excited to see what other mysteries this story holds. C: We were led to believe on multiple occasions that this sylveon was good, that she was a friend. Even just judging by Corey's immediate faith in her. It was so cool to see that he was entirely wrong. XD And that she had a secret up her sleeve. o__o What a buttpie! But what a smart one. Appealing to a sense of kinship. >;3

There are repeating errors, but you're getting better. :]


“Corey” He said. “Whats your name?” He asked.

The first thing about this quote is that there needs to be punctuation at the end of speech. Always. In this case, it should be a comma. Other thing, "What's" is an abbreviation of "what is," so you need that apostrophe to account for the missing i. That's why apostrophes exist--other than to show possessiveness. Lastly, "He asked" is redundant because you already have "he said." I think you should change "said" to "asked" and then get rid of the end one. It's telling us for a second time that he's spoken, when we already know it. x)

I'll point out the speech grammar thing to you here. In chapter two, you said this at one point:


“Corey,” Ruby said, “you’re going to be ok!”

This grammar is perfect. Your spelling of "okay" is wrong, but let's forget that for a second. The comma after "Corey" and the lowercase y for "you're" is perfect. Because if you take the quotations away, this is what you get:


Corey, Ruby said, you’re going to be ok!

See how that looks like a proper sentence? Now let's look at a quote from chapter three:


“Tell me.” She said. “what is your name?”

If you take away the quotations, we have this:


Tell me. She said. what is your name?

Can you see how it's fragmented into three separate sentences if you put periods? And do you also see how the lowercase w is wrong because it's the start of a new sentence, indicated by the period behind it? So that makes no sense, correct? Now, let's give it commas and keep the quotations removed...


Tell me, she said, what is your name?

Now, it's all one sentence and we don't have unnecessary capitals, lowercases and periods. Add the quotations and you have what it should look like:


"Tell me," she said, "what is your name?"

Does that make sense? :]

Aside from that, make sure you wrote numbers out in their letter form (except Sectors; they can stay their numbers) and remember capital letters at the start of sentences, the capital "I," and make sure you don't do any Unnecessary Capitals In Your Sentences. (xD)

REMEMBER I LIKE YOUR STORY AND IT'S COOL AND I'M SURE IT'LL BE GREAT IN THE FUTURE TOO! Another thing, you're getting better at description too. :] Try to be in the moment, feel what Corey's feeling, smell what he's smelling, and write what he's thinking. Another thing about thoughts, it's a good idea to use single quotations for them or no quotations at all so that you can differentiate between speech and thought, and italicise them. You already italicise then though, which is great. :D


~SF.

[Dragon Master Mike]

lol thanks! about the sentence: “Corey” He said. “Whats your name?” He asked. I could have sworn i noticed that sentence and fixed it while proofreading. Also... Kinda embarressed to say i didn't know ok was actually supposed to be spelt okay. Also wasn't sure if "I" was supposed to be capitilized or not. Oh, and i don't use word because i don't feel like spending $100 on it. I use google drive. I'm starting to notice that its spell check is not very good for anything but spelling. It doesn't fix grammar. Thanks so much though. I will continue writing, and keep these things in mind as i write the next chapter. I think it will be much easier to just get it right the first time instead of going back and fixing it (Even though i will still make sure to read through it for grammar errors just in case).

[Suicune's Fire]

No worries! 8D Ahaha, really? XD That happens to me sometimes. And nah, it's okay. Most people don't know about "okay." It's spelled "okay" or "OK." So you either say the O and the K as letters, meaning they have to be in capitals, or spell the entire word out so it's "o k a y." x) Common misspellings are "ok" and "Ok," both of which I read as "ock." XD

And yeah, you're always supposed to write I as a capital because it's a proper noun. :] It's how you refer to yourself, so think of it as a name, and names always have capitals. And haha, maybe you could try out something else? Your computer should have Wordpad, if it's a Windows computer, or else you could try OpenOffice (http://www.openoffice.org/), which I used to use before I got Word. It's a great, free program. :D I actually still use OpenOffice to paste sprites into, because copying them from there to a sprite editing program copies it over properly with the transparency, whereas Word messes it up. xD

No worries at all. :] And yes! I agree. Although I always miss typos in my own stories after reading over them, so it's common to miss your own errors. xD Now that I've educated you more (>:3) you'll be able to pick up on those things for yourself. :D


~SF.

[Dragon Master Mike]

Chapter 4: Hypnosis


Corey froze the instant he heard the words come out of the Ninetale’s mouth. He began to feel the panic building up inside him. “What’s behind me?” He wondered with fear, staring into the fire type’s eyes. He was about to speak when Ruby moved. Opening her mouth, she unleashed a blast of scorching hot fire towards Corey. Corey froze, watching the fire come closer. He had no time to dodge the fire. Luckily, as he would realise a second later, he didn’t have to. The fire had not been intended for him, but rather what was behind him. He realised this as the fire flew just over his head, its heat radiating towards him. Any closer and the fire would have burnt his ears, but clearly Ruby knew what she was doing. With a whoosh, the fire struck the bushes behind Corey, releasing a crackling sound as it spread.

Corey began to loosen up, hoping that whatever was behind him was gone. He slowly turned his head around. He was surprised to see that the fire was spreading like… well… wildfire. He only watched for a few seconds longer before turning back towards Ruby, disregarding the crackling generated by the inferno behind him.

“What… What was it?” Corey slowly questioned. The Ninetales didn’t answer. Instead, she looked over Corey, staring at the raging fire. She looked for only a second longer before darting forward. She moved faster than Corey thought possible, leaping over the stream towards the fire. Leaping up, she scaled a tree with ease. Standing at a branch half way up the tree, she looked down into the fire intently. She only stood there for several seconds before leaping down again, satisfied whatever had been there was gone… At least for the time being.

Ruby leaped back over the stream as easily as she had the first time. Without saying a word, she walked right past Corey, stopping when she reached our camp fire. Sitting down, she looked into the fire, thinking about what had just happened. Corey wasn’t sure what to make of the situation. He wondered if Ruby made a mistake, and if there never was anything behind him.

“I know there was something there…” The fire type said quietly, as if to answer Corey’s unspoken question.

“What was it?” The young Eevee questioned.

“I don’t know… But something tells me it wasn’t here to make friends.” Ruby answered. By now the sun had set, leaving nothing but the last dim rays of light to illuminate the look of displeasure on the Ninetale’s face. “I would suggest that we find a new location to sleep for the night, but with the fire here to keep us- Well, mainly you- warm, and with your injury still looking pretty bad, I don’t think that we can afford to move.” The fire type explained. After all that had just happened, Corey had almost forgotten about his injury. He moved his leg, just to remind himself that the injury on his shoulder was still sore.

Corey looked up at the fire type, struggling to see her face in the still diminishing light. “Whatever was here, I hope it doesn’t come back” He thought.


<~>

Corey opened his eyes. The first thing he noticed was… Well, the fact that he didn’t notice anything. It was dark. Slowly his eyes began to adjust however, and he began to make outlines of shapes around him. He listened and heard the stream flowing. Looking up, he could just barely make out the shape of the half moon through the trees.

Corey couldn’t even remember falling asleep. Clearly at some point he had though. The last thing he could remember, he had gone for a drink of water at the stream. Corey knew it had been some time since then, as the moon was in a completely different position. He slowly brought himself to his feet, his injury aching. He looked around, trying to remember what had happened. By now, his eyes were fully adjusted, allowing him to make out the shape of Ruby, lying several meters away. He looked to his left and realised he was only centimeters away from the edge of the stream. He got up and took a few steps away from the stream. He walked towards Ruby, his feet uncomfortably meeting the rocky ground below him.

Corey walked up to Ruby. Looking down at her, he immediately noticed something not right. He was not sure what it was, but he felt something off. He looked back up and swung his head around.

Nothing to his left.

Nothing to his right.

Corey sighed with relief, realising he had been panicking unnecessarily. He decided he had worried himself enough. He figured it would be a good idea to try and get some sleep.

“Should have checked behind you.” The female voice said. Corey was grabbed from behind.

“RUBY!!!” Corey shouted at the top of his lungs. Corey expected the Ninetales to wake up immediately, and jump into action. He was disappointed to see that Ruby did not move a muscle. “RU-” Corey was cut off by his captor.

“Don’t bother crying, I already took care of her.” The voice said, lifting him off the ground.

“What? Took care of her? She couldn’t mean…” Corey ended his thought there. Terrified, he closed his eyes, hoping that maybe he would wake up. He knew it wasn’t a nightmare, but he was terrified, and clueless on what to do. Opening his eyes a moment later, he sighed at his own stupidity. The fact that no one was there to save him finally set in, and Corey realised he was going to have to save himself… Something he did not think himself capable of. He was scared. He didn’t know how to fight. He knew though that something had to be done.

It took him all his courage just to turn his head around and look at his abductor. It was hard to see in the dim light, but judging by its shape, and the fact that it appeared to be floating, he figured it had to have been the ghost type from district 4. Looking down, it saw the Mismagius was holding it by its almost fabric like arms… or at least, something that resembled an arm in function. Corey thought that maybe what he had tried on the Sylveon would work here.

Stretching his neck as far as he good, he attempted to bite the ghost types limb. Corey struggled to reach it, but finally did. As he clamped his mouth closed on the Mismagius, he felt his teeth sink into it’s arms(That Corey was tempted to call tentacles). The Floating Pokemon flinched slightly, but held its grip. Corey almost gave up, but realised doing so would likely mean death. Corey bit down harder, trying to release himself from his foe’s grasp. This did not give much better results than the first time. Corey looked around, trying to figure out what to do next.

Seeing a tree coming up, Coey noticed a branch sticking out towards him. When the two Pokemon reached the tree, Corey bit down on the branch, trying with all his strength to break free. For a second he felt as if he had loosened the ghost type’s grip, but was quickly proven wrong as the Mismagius forced him away from the branch.

Corey looked up and was surprised how little ground they had covered. Perhaps he was too heavy for this Pokemon to carry? Whatever the reason, it was comforting to still be able to see Ruby… even if…

And that’s when Corey got an idea. Looking back up at his captor, he saw a hat like shape on its head. Corey stretched his neck closer and bit down on it, tugging it towards him. The ghost type screeched in pain, and immediately let go. Corey hit the ground, shocked that this had caused enough pain to the Mismagius that she had let him go. Though his injury on his shoulder was still very sore, he did not pay attention. He did not pay attention to the uncomfortably rocky ground below him, or to the black ball of energy that shot from the Pokemon behind him. All he payed attention to was his need to get away, and fast. Corey darted full speed. He moved so quickly, he even impressed himself. Looking back, he saw the ghost type fling another shadow ball at him. Corey would not have to dodge this attack however, as it completely missed… and hit Ruby. Almost immediately, the Ninetales darted to her feet.

“Looks like the Hypnosis wore off…” The ghost type mumbled, just barely audible. Ruby Instantly sprung into action. Without moving from where she stood, she unleashed a massive plume of fire towards the Mismagius. The fire engulfed the floating Pokemon, instantly killing it… Or at least, thats what Corey assumed had happened once it disappeared into the inferno. This assumption was reinforced when the fire cleared, revealing a distinct lack of anything that wasn’t charred beyond recognition. Corey sat down, sighing with relief. The Ninetales turned around and faced Corey.

“Are you ok?” The fire type questioned. Corey did not answer. Instead he simply stared back. Over her shoulder. Eyes wide with shock as he realised his assumption was wrong.

“BEHIND YOU!” Corey half shouted, half screamed. His warning was too late though. In an attack too quick for Corey to notice, Ruby was knocked to the ground. She did not stay on the ground long though. In one swift motion, The fire type leaped to the ground, spinning around to be facing the ghost type. Examining the ghost type closer, Corey could tell it had suffered some burns. Sadly, it was still in good fighting condition.

Going with the same tactic as before, Ruby unleashed yet another inferno loose on the Mismagius. At almost the same time, the ghost type unleashed a black ball of energy. As the shadow ball struck the flame, the fire was deflected. At the same time however, its power was dramatically weakened, and it harmlessly bounced off of Ruby, disappearing with a dim flash as it struck her fur.

You know what they say: If at first you don’t succeed, try again. And that is exactly what Ruby did. She unleashed yet another wave of fire. This time the floating Pokemon was less fortunate. As the flame cleared, nothing was left but a ball of fire. And the fire was screaming. Corey watched in shock as the blazing figure shot towards the water. The horrific screaming ceased as the figure crashed into the stream, just barely managing to submerge itself in the shallow water. Submerged in water it stayed.


<~>

“Wake up.” Corey heard the voice say. Opening his eyes, He saw Ruby, her face now illuminated by the golden rays of the sun. Also illuminated by sunlight were several cuts along her side, as well as a mark where the shadow ball had hit her. “We need to get moving. After that fight last night, every Pokemon in this forest will know where we are.” As Ruby spoke, Corey lazily stood up. He was surprised he had managed to sleep after all that had happened. Looking over to the stream, Corey could not see any signs of the Mismagius’s remains.

“Have any direction in mind?” Corey questioned.

“Yes. Yes I do.”

[Dragon Master Mike]

So, I'm kinda giving up on this story. I lost motivation to write it. Partially because its taking me so long to get it done (only progress I have made in months is the name of chapter 5) and partially because I feel like I improved so much from the start of the story to where it is now. I have new ideas that I want to move on to. MAYBE I will return to this story at some point, but there's a very good chance I won't. The more I think about it, the more flaws there are in this story. I have an idea for a new story, and I will think the plot through better.