Dragon Master's Poetry and Short Stories

[Dragon Master Mike]

Poetry and stuff

It is rare that i write poetry, and even rarer that i share it, but i have been writing poetry a lot lately and decided i wanted to post some of it.

Most Recent Poem:

It took a lot of pushing myself to get me to put up more poems. My family had a tradition every fourth of July where we would all get together and go to a certain place that I will not specify, and for reasons that I don't want to go into that tradition is done. This year we all went to my cousins house on the beach for a few days, and I was so upset about the change that I wrote this poem in anticipation of the event. I did actually have fun when I got there, but I couldn't stop feeling like something was missing. I should mention that my poem "Good Times" refers to the same place.


Spoiler:

Crying Inside

Along the beach
I watch the waves
I laugh and play
But I’m crying inside

I say I’m having fun
I ride the waves
I put on a smile
But I’m crying inside

We run around
We play games
Laughing and shouting
But I’m crying inside

I go home
I lay in bed
I cry
And I’m dying inside



I wrote this a while ago actually, but I'm very hesitant usually to share my poetry, which is why I haven't posted it or anything else yet (Despite the fact that ive been writing a lot.)



Good Times

The small lake lies before me
I look at it from the dock
The sun sets overhead
As I look out at the rocks

I see a fish leap
I see it flounder and flop
I watch it swim around
Until the splashing stops

The sunlight fades
And colors flood the sky
Red white and blue
The fireworks draw our eyes

Sparks fly over the water
Stars shine bright above
I wish to spend forever
In this place that I love

I turn around

I wake up.
The dream is over.

The dream of times left behind
The dream of places left behind
The dream of memories left behind
The dream of things never to return

For the years we spent here
Have long since come and gone
The days we would go here
Are nothing more than memories

Though it hurts to remember
It hurts more to forget
The good times we had
The good things we did

I long to go back
For things to be like before
But the times left behind
are never to return


unnamed Poem:


Alright. I have a "new" Poem. Its not really new, its actually a very old one that I wrote a while back. I actually liked it, all though I thought it had some REALLY stupid lines. I decided to edit it and cut out what I didn't like, and to post it here. I will just post the original and the newly edited one. I have no name for this poem.

Original:

go be happy, go be free
go where your heart longs to be
live your life in harmony

forget your troubles
send them far away
leave your fears behind
and cherish every day

life is to short to waste
it can end with sutch haste
theres no time to have regrets
because life is so short, and dont you forget

go be happy, go be free
go where your heart longs to be
make history, or just climb a tree
do whatever makes you happy

New:

Go be happy, go be free
Go where your heart longs to be

Forget your troubles
Send them far away
Leave your fears behind
And cherish every day

Life is too short to waste
It can end with such haste
So make the best of the time you’ve got
Because you may not have a lot

Blindness:

alright, this new poem is basicly about my fear of going blind. For lack of a better name i am simply going to call it blindness. I think its better than the other two poems i posted.

Blindness

Black is all i see
Dark surrounding me
My eyes are gone
Yet i live on
In this living hell
From which i will not get well

They tell me it will be ok
But i will not see another day
I will not see the Moon or the stars
I will not see Jupiter or Mars
I will not see the deep blue sea
Only the dark surrounding me

The signals do not go through my eye
Perhaps it would be better to die
Than to live through this unseen hell

Surely this fate is worse than death
I do not wish to take another breath
Why me? I can’t comprehend
I sit and wait for the end


The Puppet Master:

The Puppet Master


We are but slaves
Tied by invisible strings
All shall bow to the puppet master
As he brings us to our knees

One by one we fall
Bent to his will
Connected by strings of deceit
Tied with knots of lies

The puppet master beckons
And we blindly follow
Down dark caverns of corruption
Through the twisted corridors of his false truth

All shall bow to the puppet master
he has brought us to our knees

And we don’t even know it.


The Door:


The Door


I see the door before me
Its bright blue paint
Its handle of pure gold

I reach for the handle
I twist and turn
But the door will not open

I use all of my strength
I push with all of my will
Still the door will not open

I pound on the door
Desperation setting in
Again the door will not open

The blue paint fades
The gold handle rusts
And the door will not open

I slam my body into it
As it cracks and crumbles
Yet the door will not open

I again reach for the handle
Now coated with rust
But there is no door

And it will never open.

[Dragon Master Mike]

Short Stories

The Horses:


The horses

“The horses are not ready to see you.” The raspy voice whispered from behind the ancient wooden door as I tapped my hand on it.

“How much longer must I wait.” I questioned.

“Sixty two minutes.” I just barely heard it say.

“That is unacceptable!” I shouted. “I must see them sooner.” There was no response. Looking down at my watch, I saw that the time was already 11:17.

It was a black moonless night that I had chosen to journey out into the center of these ancient forests to seek out the horses. Around the clearing the cabin was located in, the tree branches, their leaves long since having fallen off, seemed to reach inwards like the tentacles of a giant squid reaching for their prey. A thin layer of snow had fallen earlier in the day, leaving a coating on the grass and trees.

The cabin before me appeared as if it had been there for decades, maybe even centuries. Its dark interior was hidden behind tattered beige curtains in the now shattered windows. For a moment I thought I saw a curtain move as if something brushed against them from inside.

“11:27.” I thought, looking down at my watch again. Though only ten minutes had passed, it felt like several eternities. I could feel the frigid winter air even through my many layers of clothes, and It only seemed to be getting colder. I couldn’t afford to wait another fifty minutes.

I knocked on the door again.

“The horses are not ready to see you.” The voice rasped again, slightly louder than last time. I figured there was nothing I could do to speed things up. I took a step back and sat down on the rotten wooden stairs that led to the front door. They appeared as if they might snap if I put even a fraction of my weight on them, but somehow they managed to stay in one piece.

I felt a gust of wind blow, and I pulled my black hood down over my face in an attempt to shield it against the painfully cold air, which stung as it made contact with my face. A few moments later I felt that the wind had stopped, but I kept my face covered anyway. I was worried that I would get frostbite soon if I couldn’t get inside. “11:37.” I thought, looking down at my watch again. Another ten minutes had passed.

I knocked on the door again.

“23 minutes.“ The voice said. I was happy when I heard this. In 23 minutes, only 43 minutes total would have passed. This was less than the original 62 minutes. And so I waited patiently, keeping my face covered and my hands in my pockets.

And then a bell rang. It sounded like the kind of bell you would hear from a clock as the hour struck midnight. It seemed as if it was coming from within the forest somewhere, but I didn’t spend long thinking about this. 23 minutes had passed.

I knocked on the door again.

“You may enter.” The quiet voice spoke from within the cabin. I opened the door, a loud squeak emitting from the hinges as it moved.

The inside of the cabin was pitch black. I could just barely make out the shape of a table in the center of the small room, and a door on the left side. I removed my small black flashlight from my pocket and turned it on.

On the table in the center of the room was a grotesque sight. Sitting on its side and in a pool of its own blood, the severed head of a brown horse laid. Its mouth was open, and its tongue stuck out slightly. Its teeth appeared yellow and broken.

“The horses are ready to see you.” Its abhorrent voice croaked, its mouth moving as the words were spoken.



I: (The story of practicing detail that was not meant to be read)

I sit in this old wooden chair, looking out at the lake before me. The lake is small, and this dock even smaller. The small body of water is shaped like an oval, and is small enough that the other side can be seen with ease. The water is not very deep, but it is deep enough. Many fish inhabit it. Mostly bass. Beside the dock I see a metal row boat, it’s oars sitting inside. I see the suns golden light reflecting off the surface of the cloudy water. I hear the chirping of birds from the trees behind me. I look up and see geese flying overhead, their grey wings flapping as they fly. Looking behind me, I see the hill leading up and away from the lake. I can’t see the top though, as trees block my vision. All around I see trees of various species. Many pine and oak trees, as well as the occasional birch.

Standing up, I turn and walk up the stone stairs leading towards the top of the hill. Twice I nearly trip, but I make it to the top unharmed. I make it to the top and see the house before me. I walk on to the porch that wraps around its back and left side. Looking through the glass sliding door, I see a kitchen and living room area. I also see no one is inside. I had known there would be no one inside though. As the sun begins to set, I step back off the wooden porch and walk along the side of the house. I walk down a gravel path, smelling the scents of the forest. I see an old wooden shed to my left. In front of it lies a log, stood up to allow items to be placed on it. On top of the log sits a small hand carved wooden cross, as well as a small knife. I quickly take the cross and keep walking.

At the end of the gravel path I see an old pickup truck. Its dark green paint is covered in dust and dirt. I open the passenger side door and climb in. Looking in the back seat, I see a small box of fishing hooks. I pick the container up and put it in my pocket. I step out of the truck and close the door behind me. I continue down and step out on to the old road running in front of the house. I turn right and begin walking, watching as the sky begins to darken. I begin to walk faster, trying to make it to my destination before night falls. To my right I see another house, this one older than the one I had just left. Continuing down the road, It begins to turn right. I keep walking, the forest surrounding me on both sides. I look up and see branches and leave covering the road, making it feel as though I walk through a tunnel.

I hit another road and make a right turn. I see a few more old houses to either side. Eventually I reach another road and make a left turn. Continuing down, I reach an area with a clearing to my left. Looking into it, I can see several deer lying in it. Just past the clearing I see the edge of yet another lake. This one is only slightly larger than the last lake, but I still struggle to see the other side, as the lighting is growing dim. I pass over a small bridge leading over a stream, then proceed up a hill. Walking down the worn road, I pass two more old houses before reaching my final destination. To my left is a house. It is old, but in better shape than most of the others.

I walk down the gravel driveway. With the last light of day gone, the forest looks very different. It is like a whole new world, where every tree could be a monster waiting for you to come within its reach, or where forest ghouls could be watching from a location just beyond sight. With this thought, I turn around, making sure one was not following me. I quickly turn back and continue down the driveway. Looking to my left, I see a pile of wood. Next to it is a log with an old axe in it. I quickly grab the axe before walking to the front of the house. I quickly ascend the steps to the porch, each of the four stairs creaking along the way. I reach the door and set the axe down. Reaching in my pocket, I quickly remove the key. Wanting to get inside and away from the cold, I insert the key into the door and unlock it. I quickly open it and pick the axe back up.

Walking inside, I am immediately met with the smell of stale air. I see a short hallway in front of me. The floor is wooden, and the walls and doors are all stained wood. Immediately to my right, I see a door. Opening it, I see a bathroom. I flip a switch and a small light hanging from the ceiling lit up, illuminating the Sink and Toilet along one wall, and the tub along the other wall. I flip the light switch back off and close the wooden door. Just past this door on the other side of the hall is another wooden door. I do not look inside however, and keep walking. I reach the end of the hall and see a door to my left. To my right, there is a small kitchen area, containing a small counter and a refrigerator. On the counter sits an old fashioned black phone. Just above the sink, there is a small window covered in blinds. I set the axe on the counter and keep walking through the room. In the front to my right is a kitchen table and chairs. To my left, the room connects to a living room. To my front is a glass sliding door.

Walking into the living room half, I see two old and worn couches to either side. Above the couch to my left is a painting of bears, all dancing around. In the far right corner of the room is an old TV. It is not very good, but it gets the job done. In the center of the room is a small table, with a brown rug underneath it. In front of me is a small fireplace. The screen covering the inside of the fireplace is moved aside, and wood is stacked inside. Underneath the wood is newspaper. The fireplace had already been set up. I see a red lighter in the center of the table, and I pick it up. Walking up to the fireplace, I light the newspaper under the wood. It quickly catches, and begins to spread. Within a minute I can hear the crackling of fire. I set the lighter on the counter next to the axe. I take the fishing hooks and wooden cross out of my pockets and set them down on the counter. I then quickly walk into the bathroom and change into my pajamas.

I see a TV remote on the couch. I grab it and turn on the TV. Flipping through the channels, I eventually find a movie that looks good. I toss the remote back on the couch. On one of the couches I see a blanket. It is old, but it is clean, and that is all that matters. I pick it up and lie down on the couch. Pulling the brown blanket over myself, I listen to the crackling of the fire. I look over at the glass sliding door leading to the back porch and hear the crickets and other night time insects. Looking back over at the TV, I watch the movie. The room quickly began to warm up from the fire, and I quickly began to grow tired. It wasn’t long before I began to fall asleep.


This story I wrote for the PXR shiny event. I can't remember if it won second or third place. Word count is just over 1,000.

Yellow:



Yellow

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, and there was not a cloud in the sky. The smells of the forest filled my nostrils, as well as the smell of prey.

Keeping my head low, I watched the small creature scuttle around, its pinkish purple shape easy to keep track of. From the bush I was hiding in, the Pokemon wouldn’t see me coming. As it came closer, I saw it stop and pull something off of a bush. A berry maybe? It didn’t matter to me. The Rattata only stopped at the bush for a moment before continuing towards the bush I was hiding in. It was close now, only a few feet. I could feel my mouth watering.

“Dinner.”

I darted out of the bush, my nine tails trailing behind me. I looked down at the Rattata, its eyes glued to me in horror. I felt kinda bad for it, but everything needs food to survive, and that meant hunting was a necessity. My mouth watered as my feet met the ground. The normal type looked up at me, surely giving up all hope of survival. I opened my mouth, preparing to grab it. Closing my eyes, I clamped my mouth back closed, impaling it with my sharp row of teeth. Lifting my head up, I opened my eyes to admire my… Lump of grass? Dropping the grass from my mouth, I watched a purple shape disappear into the bushes in front of me.

“And I thought YOU were going to show ME how to hunt.” My companion said as she stepped out of the bushes she had been spectating from.

“Shut it, Lea” I said as I looked back at her, half playing, half annoyed. At that, she laughed. I smiled back at her as she walked to my side.

“I bet I could catch more Rattata in an hour than you could in a day!” My fellow Ninetails said, still with a smile on her face.

“Is that a challenge?” I said, speaking with a much more serious demeanor.

“Maybe.” She said in response

“Alright then. Lets see who can catch more Rattata by noon.” I said, stating the conditions of my competition..

“Deal! I’ll meet you back here at noon!” She said. Before I could say another word, she had darted off, running with speed few Pokemon other than a Ninetails could achieve. Satisfied I could win this challenge easy, I moved slowly, walking off into the bushes. I figured it would be the best way to avoid startling any prey. Taking my time, I made sure to avoid stepping on any twigs or anything else that could give my position away to any Rattata that may have been watching. I could only imagine Lea darting through the forest, frightening every living creature within a mile radius. She could be so careless sometimes.

I kept my eyes and nose open, looking for any signs or smells of prey. It was only a matter of time before I began to smell something. It was clearly the smell of a Rattata, and it was fresh. I began following the smell, even more cautiously than before. My search led me farther than I had expected. I travelled for a good hour, past streams and dense shrubbery. Finally, peeking my head through some bushes. I was met with a pleasant sight. Crouching down by a stream in front of me was a Rattata. Almost immediately I noticed something very strange about it.



It was yellow.

Yellow.

A Yellow Rattata.


I had never seen anything like it before. It stood there drinking from the stream, its shockingly shiny yellow fur glistening as a beam of sunlight broke through the leaves above him, shining on his back.

“This should be worth five rattata when I show it to Lea!” I thought, holding back a laugh. Looking at this Rattata, I almost felt bad for what I was about to do. In fact, I actually did feel pretty bad. Why did I feel bad though? This was nothing more than I did every day. The only difference was that this Rattata was yellow instead of its normal purple. I knew that I had to catch this Rattata. If I didn’t It would mean I lost the competition, and even worse, that I might go without dinner… Yet, something inside me said I shouldn’t. I don’t know what it was, but that something saved that Rattatas life. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I knew this Rattata was special. Turning around, I left as quietly as I had entered. I was disappointed to not have anything to show for my long trek, but was happy to have seen the Rattata.

Walking back, I felt the soft grass beneath my feet. It really was a lovely day, and I planned to take my time walking back. It was only then however that I realized how close it was to noon. Even if I had no prey to show for it, I had every intention of making it back on time. I rapidly shifted up to full speed, sprinting as fast as my legs would allow. Moving full speed, I managed to make it back in only 15 minutes compared to what had felt like forever the other way. I stopped at the agreed meeting place, out of breath. I was so out of breath, I hadn’t even noticed the Ninetails waiting for me in the bushes.

“I was starting to think you would never get back!” Lea said, laughing at my tired state.

“I was starting to think you might have caught something.” I said, looking at the clear lack of food in her possession.

“And you would have thought correct! Wait until you see what I caught!” She said, turning and darting into the bushes behind her. I waited for her for a whole minute. By the end of that minute, I was starting to think that she was taking a while just because. She came out a moment later, carrying a Pachirisu. As soon as I saw the Pachirisu however, I noticed something strange.



It’s stripe was pink.

Pink.

A Pink Pachirisu.




This one I wrote for URPG to try and catch a Fletchling. There is a small connection between it and the last story. Word count is about 1,800.

Just a Fletchling


It was a bright sunny morning. There was not a cloud in the sky. The chirping of flying types filled the air, and the many sounds of Kricketune echoed through the forest. The smells of spring were in the air, and as two Pokemon knew, spring meant young Pokemon, and young Pokemon meant easy prey.

“Max, how much farther?” One of the Pokemon asked, the wind gently stroking her fur.

“Shhh,” The other Pokemon said, “Keep your voice down, we are just about there. Just stay low and try not to make noise.” It was only a few moments later that the two Pokemon emerged into a small clearing. In the center of the clearing was a large tree, notably bigger than most of the other trees in the forest. It’s trunk was thick, and from its base, large roots ran into the ground. Higher up, its immense branches were covered in green leafs. Also higher up was where the two Pokemon knew flying types liked to nest.

“You were right,” The first Pokemon said quietly, “this place does look perfect for hunting.”

“Yeah.” The second Pokemon said. “Lets look for the lowest nests.”

5 minutes earlier

I woke up to the feeling of a gentle breeze. Opening one eye, I could see the sun shining through the leaves above me. I quickly opened the other eye and stood up. Looking around, I saw the large nest I had been sleeping in.

“Wheres mom?” I briefly wondered before remembering that Talonflame like to hunt this time of day. “That must be where she is.” I thought, picturing my mother flying around and looking for prey. Though I longed to be able to fly like that, I was just a young Fletchling. I was still unable to fly properly. Looking up, I saw several other nests higher above me. I was fairly certain my nest was the lowest out of all of them though. Walking over to the edge of the nest, I looked down at the forest floor. I had always wanted to see what was down there. I knew this would have to wait though until I was old enough to fly… Or so I had thought at the time. Little did I know my wish would be granted very soon. I had only been looking down at the forest floor for a few seconds when two figures emerged from a bush. As I was not very high, it was easy to recognise the two Pokemon.

“Predators.” I thought, scared. I quickly ducked, hoping they hadn’t noticed me. Without mother there to defend me, I knew I would stand no chance if they came after me. With this in mind, I froze, not moving, and not making a sound. Listening, I could tell all of the other fletchling higher up the tree had also silenced. All except one. The closest nest to mine was about two meters above me and one meter to my left. This nest contained a Fletchling even younger than I. A Fletchling completely oblivious to the danger. A Fletchling that was dead the second the Pokemon below reached it. Moving with speed I had never seen before, the yellow Pokemon darted straight up the trunk of the tree, reaching the nest in only seconds. It was not even a full second later that I began to hear the Flying Types cries of fear.

“Mama! Ma-” With a sickening snap, the cries stopped. The predator looked over the edge of the large nest, the still twitching body of the baby flying type in its mouth. A moment later, the Pokemon jumped back down from the tree, its nine tails flowing behind it. I hoped that maybe I would be safe. I hoped that maybe the two Ninetales would be satisfied with one. I knew though that this was unlikely. I sat for about a minute before deciding to peek over the edge of the nest. As soon as I did though, I wished I hadn’t. The second Ninetales was already on its way up the tree. I couldn’t believe my eyes as I watched the fire type run up the tree as if it was flat ground. I could tell almost the second I peeked that I had been noticed.

The predator continued darting up the tree, only to stop and grab on to the branch my nest was on. I watched in fear as the Pokemon walked towards me, treading carefully down the narrow branch. Fear quickly turned into panic, and I began stepping back. When I hit the edge of the nest, I stopped. I watched as the fierce Pokemon walked closer, its mouth opening to reveal razor sharp teeth. Finally, it pounced. In panic, I jumped back, falling over the edge of the nest. Although thankful to have not ended up like the other Fletchling, I panicked at a sudden new threat. I was falling. Fast.

I flapped my wings frantically, trying to slow my fall. Still being young, I was unable to fully fly, but I was able to slow my fall. Half flying, half gliding, I made my way down to the forest floor. Though I hit the ground hard a few moments later, I was relieved to have not been hurt by the fall. Standing up, I felt my talons sink into the soft dirt. Looking up, I was unsurprised to see the Ninetales running back down the tree. I quickly turned the other way and tried to run. I quickly realised though that my legs were not meant for running. I tried flapping my wings, but only managed to get a few centimeters off the ground before dropping back down, saddened by my pathetic attempt at flight. Looking back, I saw the Ninetales reach the bottom of the tree.

That was when the blast of fire struck between me and the fire type. My initial confusion at its source quickly faded as I saw the large flying type hovering above my head. The flying types head was red, and its back was black. The feathers under its wings and on its stomach were grey, and they were spotted with red. Some yellow feathers could be seen in its black tail, and its talons were a dull yellow.

“Mom!” I shouted, Fear beginning to fade. I knew now that I was saved. I watched as the two Ninetales unleashed waves of fire at the Talonflame hovering above me. Both of the scorching hot waves hit, only to bounce off her feathers, doing almost no damage. My mother responded with a fire of her own. Looking at the two Fire types, she let loose a massive inferno. The fire engulfed the nearest of the Ninetales. When it cleared, the predator was visibly burnt. Had the Ninetales not been a fire type, it may not have survived that attack. The burnt Pokemon took a few steps back, but was clearly not going to give up.

“We need to leave!” The uninjured Ninetales shouted at her injured companion.

“Not until we get that Fletchling!” The burnt Ninetales stubbornly responded. As soon as he finished speaking, he unleashed a wave of energy. As this wave of energy struck the Talonflame, she immediately became disoriented. I watched in surprise as she landed, visibly tilting from side to side. The fire type then charged forward, swiping its claws across the flying type’s chest. The bird Pokemon flinched slightly before unleashing another stream of flames. This time, the fire missed, flying just over the predators head. As this happened, the uninjured Ninetales shot a stream of fire of her own at my mother. The fire struck the flying type, this time doing slightly more damage than before. I began to become worried.

“Could my mother actually loose?” I began to question, repeating the terrifying idea over and over in my head. I watched as the Ninetales exchanged more fire with my mother, noting the fact that she was taking more damage than them. I knew something had to be done, or me and my mother would both die. I did not dare move though. I knew that as a young Fletchling, there was nothing I could do. I watched in fear as yet again the injured fire type charged forward, slicing into the Talonflame’s chest. My mother took a different approach to counterattacking this time though. As the Ninetales attacked, my mother slammed her beak into its head, pecking it so hard that it nearly fell down. It didn’t though. Instead it sunk its teeth into her wing. At the same time, the other Ninetales ran forward and grabbed her wing.

As the two Pokemons teeth sunk into my mothers wings, the flying type let out a loud screech. At this point I knew something had to be done, or else me and my mother were both done. Despite being incapable of proper flight, I quickly flapped my wings, launching into the air. I only managed to stay in the air for a few seconds, but this brief flight was enough to boost me towards the two fire types. Landing in front of the uninjured fire type, I quickly slammed my small beak into its foot. The yellow Pokemon immediately let go and looked at me. I froze. I thought I was about to die. It was about to pounce on me when my mother intervened. She slammed her wing into the fire type, knocking her back a meter. She then proceeded to look down at the Ninetales on her other wing. The ninetales immediately let go, anticipating the wave of fire that would have engulfed him had he stayed.

“Max! We need to leave NOW!” The now slightly more injured Ninetales shouted again. The other Ninetales, who was now badly injured, hesitated for a few moments. After thinking for a second, he decided she was right.

“Lets go Lea.” The male Ninetales said back to his female companion. Almost at the same time, the two Ninetales fled, darting back off into the forest.

“It’s… It’s over?” I said quietly, only half expecting an answer. I assumed I had spoken too quietly for my mother to hear me, as she did not respond. It took me a moment to see why. I watched as my mother walked slowly towards the body of the Fletchling the predators had killed. They must have been in such a hurry to leave that they forgot their food. Looking up, I could see other Talonflames beginning to return from their morning hunt. One of them landed next to my mother. Though I never asked, the sound of crying quickly made obvious the fact that this Talonflame was the mother of the dead Fletchling. I heard this crying, and was saddened. Why did such a young Pokemon have to die? Sure, food was necessary, but still… I quickly decided that it was best I not think about it.

I slowly walked my way over to the base of the tree. I didn’t care if I couldn’t get back up to my nest. After what I had been through, a patch of grass in the shade of a tree seemed as good a spot as any to sleep.

[Suicune's Fire]

Wow. I actually love your poetry. Like, a lot. It's really good. XD It has so much feeling, so much eeriness and a lot of fluency. I think my favourite one is The Door; the ending gave me shivers. xD I loved the imagery, and how the "But the door will not open" part changed in each verse. Very clever. The puppeteer one reminds me a lot of government or similar authoritative figures who make decisions under the table and we're sorta forced to go with it, even if we have no idea what's going on behind those closed doors.

The only things I wanted to point out were minor; in the poem about blindness, the line "Than to live through this unseen hell" does not have a counterpart unlike every other line, but if it's intentional then that's fine. xD The other thing is that it ended in "hell" which a line previous to it also ended with. It was near the beginning, but still, diversity is the key. ;] The only other thing was the lowercase "i"s and then "ok," which I read as "ock" and then I noticed that reading it like that made it not rhyme. XD Which was funny for a moment, haha. Anyway.

Awesome poetry. I'd LOVE to see more.


~SF.

[Dragon Master Mike]

Alright. I have a "new" Poem. Its not really new, its actually a very old one that I wrote a while back. I actually liked it, all though I thought it had some REALLY stupid lines. I decided to edit it and cut out what I didn't like, and to post it here. I will just post the original and the newly edited one. I have no name for this poem.

Original:

go be happy, go be free
go where your heart longs to be
live your life in harmony

forget your troubles
send them far away
leave your fears behind
and cherish every day

life is to short to waste
it can end with sutch haste
theres no time to have regrets
because life is so short, and dont you forget

go be happy, go be free
go where your heart longs to be
make history, or just climb a tree
do whatever makes you happy

New:

Go be happy, go be free
Go where your heart longs to be

Forget your troubles
Send them far away
Leave your fears behind
And cherish every day

Life is too short to waste
It can end with such haste
So make the best of the time you’ve got
Because you may not have a lot

[Suicune's Fire]

Nice improvement! I think the second one has less of a conclusion though. It seems to drop off more suddenly. And haha, those old spelling errors. "Sutch." xD

[Dragon Master Mike]

So, I decided to start posting my short stories in this thread. I only have two so far, but I will probably write more.

This story I wrote for the PXR shiny event. I can't remember if it won second or third place. Word count is just over 1,000.

Yellow:



Yellow

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, and there was not a cloud in the sky. The smells of the forest filled my nostrils, as well as the smell of prey.

Keeping my head low, I watched the small creature scuttle around, its pinkish purple shape easy to keep track of. From the bush I was hiding in, the Pokemon wouldn’t see me coming. As it came closer, I saw it stop and pull something off of a bush. A berry maybe? It didn’t matter to me. The Rattata only stopped at the bush for a moment before continuing towards the bush I was hiding in. It was close now, only a few feet. I could feel my mouth watering.

“Dinner.”

I darted out of the bush, my nine tails trailing behind me. I looked down at the Rattata, its eyes glued to me in horror. I felt kinda bad for it, but everything needs food to survive, and that meant hunting was a necessity. My mouth watered as my feet met the ground. The normal type looked up at me, surely giving up all hope of survival. I opened my mouth, preparing to grab it. Closing my eyes, I clamped my mouth back closed, impaling it with my sharp row of teeth. Lifting my head up, I opened my eyes to admire my… Lump of grass? Dropping the grass from my mouth, I watched a purple shape disappear into the bushes in front of me.

“And I thought YOU were going to show ME how to hunt.” My companion said as she stepped out of the bushes she had been spectating from.

“Shut it, Lea” I said as I looked back at her, half playing, half annoyed. At that, she laughed. I smiled back at her as she walked to my side.

“I bet I could catch more Rattata in an hour than you could in a day!” My fellow Ninetails said, still with a smile on her face.

“Is that a challenge?” I said, speaking with a much more serious demeanor.

“Maybe.” She said in response

“Alright then. Lets see who can catch more Rattata by noon.” I said, stating the conditions of my competition..

“Deal! I’ll meet you back here at noon!” She said. Before I could say another word, she had darted off, running with speed few Pokemon other than a Ninetails could achieve. Satisfied I could win this challenge easy, I moved slowly, walking off into the bushes. I figured it would be the best way to avoid startling any prey. Taking my time, I made sure to avoid stepping on any twigs or anything else that could give my position away to any Rattata that may have been watching. I could only imagine Lea darting through the forest, frightening every living creature within a mile radius. She could be so careless sometimes.

I kept my eyes and nose open, looking for any signs or smells of prey. It was only a matter of time before I began to smell something. It was clearly the smell of a Rattata, and it was fresh. I began following the smell, even more cautiously than before. My search led me farther than I had expected. I travelled for a good hour, past streams and dense shrubbery. Finally, peeking my head through some bushes. I was met with a pleasant sight. Crouching down by a stream in front of me was a Rattata. Almost immediately I noticed something very strange about it.



It was yellow.

Yellow.

A Yellow Rattata.


I had never seen anything like it before. It stood there drinking from the stream, its shockingly shiny yellow fur glistening as a beam of sunlight broke through the leaves above him, shining on his back.

“This should be worth five rattata when I show it to Lea!” I thought, holding back a laugh. Looking at this Rattata, I almost felt bad for what I was about to do. In fact, I actually did feel pretty bad. Why did I feel bad though? This was nothing more than I did every day. The only difference was that this Rattata was yellow instead of its normal purple. I knew that I had to catch this Rattata. If I didn’t It would mean I lost the competition, and even worse, that I might go without dinner… Yet, something inside me said I shouldn’t. I don’t know what it was, but that something saved that Rattatas life. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I knew this Rattata was special. Turning around, I left as quietly as I had entered. I was disappointed to not have anything to show for my long trek, but was happy to have seen the Rattata.

Walking back, I felt the soft grass beneath my feet. It really was a lovely day, and I planned to take my time walking back. It was only then however that I realized how close it was to noon. Even if I had no prey to show for it, I had every intention of making it back on time. I rapidly shifted up to full speed, sprinting as fast as my legs would allow. Moving full speed, I managed to make it back in only 15 minutes compared to what had felt like forever the other way. I stopped at the agreed meeting place, out of breath. I was so out of breath, I hadn’t even noticed the Ninetails waiting for me in the bushes.

“I was starting to think you would never get back!” Lea said, laughing at my tired state.

“I was starting to think you might have caught something.” I said, looking at the clear lack of food in her possession.

“And you would have thought correct! Wait until you see what I caught!” She said, turning and darting into the bushes behind her. I waited for her for a whole minute. By the end of that minute, I was starting to think that she was taking a while just because. She came out a moment later, carrying a Pachirisu. As soon as I saw the Pachirisu however, I noticed something strange.



It’s stripe was pink.

Pink.

A Pink Pachirisu.




This one I wrote for URPG to try and catch a Fletchling. There is a small connection between it and the last story. Word count is about 1,800.

Just a Fletchling


It was a bright sunny morning. There was not a cloud in the sky. The chirping of flying types filled the air, and the many sounds of Kricketune echoed through the forest. The smells of spring were in the air, and as two Pokemon knew, spring meant young Pokemon, and young Pokemon meant easy prey.

“Max, how much farther?” One of the Pokemon asked, the wind gently stroking her fur.

“Shhh,” The other Pokemon said, “Keep your voice down, we are just about there. Just stay low and try not to make noise.” It was only a few moments later that the two Pokemon emerged into a small clearing. In the center of the clearing was a large tree, notably bigger than most of the other trees in the forest. It’s trunk was thick, and from its base, large roots ran into the ground. Higher up, its immense branches were covered in green leafs. Also higher up was where the two Pokemon knew flying types liked to nest.

“You were right,” The first Pokemon said quietly, “this place does look perfect for hunting.”

“Yeah.” The second Pokemon said. “Lets look for the lowest nests.”

5 minutes earlier

I woke up to the feeling of a gentle breeze. Opening one eye, I could see the sun shining through the leaves above me. I quickly opened the other eye and stood up. Looking around, I saw the large nest I had been sleeping in.

“Wheres mom?” I briefly wondered before remembering that Talonflame like to hunt this time of day. “That must be where she is.” I thought, picturing my mother flying around and looking for prey. Though I longed to be able to fly like that, I was just a young Fletchling. I was still unable to fly properly. Looking up, I saw several other nests higher above me. I was fairly certain my nest was the lowest out of all of them though. Walking over to the edge of the nest, I looked down at the forest floor. I had always wanted to see what was down there. I knew this would have to wait though until I was old enough to fly… Or so I had thought at the time. Little did I know my wish would be granted very soon. I had only been looking down at the forest floor for a few seconds when two figures emerged from a bush. As I was not very high, it was easy to recognise the two Pokemon.

“Predators.” I thought, scared. I quickly ducked, hoping they hadn’t noticed me. Without mother there to defend me, I knew I would stand no chance if they came after me. With this in mind, I froze, not moving, and not making a sound. Listening, I could tell all of the other fletchling higher up the tree had also silenced. All except one. The closest nest to mine was about two meters above me and one meter to my left. This nest contained a Fletchling even younger than I. A Fletchling completely oblivious to the danger. A Fletchling that was dead the second the Pokemon below reached it. Moving with speed I had never seen before, the yellow Pokemon darted straight up the trunk of the tree, reaching the nest in only seconds. It was not even a full second later that I began to hear the Flying Types cries of fear.

“Mama! Ma-” With a sickening snap, the cries stopped. The predator looked over the edge of the large nest, the still twitching body of the baby flying type in its mouth. A moment later, the Pokemon jumped back down from the tree, its nine tails flowing behind it. I hoped that maybe I would be safe. I hoped that maybe the two Ninetales would be satisfied with one. I knew though that this was unlikely. I sat for about a minute before deciding to peek over the edge of the nest. As soon as I did though, I wished I hadn’t. The second Ninetales was already on its way up the tree. I couldn’t believe my eyes as I watched the fire type run up the tree as if it was flat ground. I could tell almost the second I peeked that I had been noticed.

The predator continued darting up the tree, only to stop and grab on to the branch my nest was on. I watched in fear as the Pokemon walked towards me, treading carefully down the narrow branch. Fear quickly turned into panic, and I began stepping back. When I hit the edge of the nest, I stopped. I watched as the fierce Pokemon walked closer, its mouth opening to reveal razor sharp teeth. Finally, it pounced. In panic, I jumped back, falling over the edge of the nest. Although thankful to have not ended up like the other Fletchling, I panicked at a sudden new threat. I was falling. Fast.

I flapped my wings frantically, trying to slow my fall. Still being young, I was unable to fully fly, but I was able to slow my fall. Half flying, half gliding, I made my way down to the forest floor. Though I hit the ground hard a few moments later, I was relieved to have not been hurt by the fall. Standing up, I felt my talons sink into the soft dirt. Looking up, I was unsurprised to see the Ninetales running back down the tree. I quickly turned the other way and tried to run. I quickly realised though that my legs were not meant for running. I tried flapping my wings, but only managed to get a few centimeters off the ground before dropping back down, saddened by my pathetic attempt at flight. Looking back, I saw the Ninetales reach the bottom of the tree.

That was when the blast of fire struck between me and the fire type. My initial confusion at its source quickly faded as I saw the large flying type hovering above my head. The flying types head was red, and its back was black. The feathers under its wings and on its stomach were grey, and they were spotted with red. Some yellow feathers could be seen in its black tail, and its talons were a dull yellow.

“Mom!” I shouted, Fear beginning to fade. I knew now that I was saved. I watched as the two Ninetales unleashed waves of fire at the Talonflame hovering above me. Both of the scorching hot waves hit, only to bounce off her feathers, doing almost no damage. My mother responded with a fire of her own. Looking at the two Fire types, she let loose a massive inferno. The fire engulfed the nearest of the Ninetales. When it cleared, the predator was visibly burnt. Had the Ninetales not been a fire type, it may not have survived that attack. The burnt Pokemon took a few steps back, but was clearly not going to give up.

“We need to leave!” The uninjured Ninetales shouted at her injured companion.

“Not until we get that Fletchling!” The burnt Ninetales stubbornly responded. As soon as he finished speaking, he unleashed a wave of energy. As this wave of energy struck the Talonflame, she immediately became disoriented. I watched in surprise as she landed, visibly tilting from side to side. The fire type then charged forward, swiping its claws across the flying type’s chest. The bird Pokemon flinched slightly before unleashing another stream of flames. This time, the fire missed, flying just over the predators head. As this happened, the uninjured Ninetales shot a stream of fire of her own at my mother. The fire struck the flying type, this time doing slightly more damage than before. I began to become worried.

“Could my mother actually loose?” I began to question, repeating the terrifying idea over and over in my head. I watched as the Ninetales exchanged more fire with my mother, noting the fact that she was taking more damage than them. I knew something had to be done, or me and my mother would both die. I did not dare move though. I knew that as a young Fletchling, there was nothing I could do. I watched in fear as yet again the injured fire type charged forward, slicing into the Talonflame’s chest. My mother took a different approach to counterattacking this time though. As the Ninetales attacked, my mother slammed her beak into its head, pecking it so hard that it nearly fell down. It didn’t though. Instead it sunk its teeth into her wing. At the same time, the other Ninetales ran forward and grabbed her wing.

As the two Pokemons teeth sunk into my mothers wings, the flying type let out a loud screech. At this point I knew something had to be done, or else me and my mother were both done. Despite being incapable of proper flight, I quickly flapped my wings, launching into the air. I only managed to stay in the air for a few seconds, but this brief flight was enough to boost me towards the two fire types. Landing in front of the uninjured fire type, I quickly slammed my small beak into its foot. The yellow Pokemon immediately let go and looked at me. I froze. I thought I was about to die. It was about to pounce on me when my mother intervened. She slammed her wing into the fire type, knocking her back a meter. She then proceeded to look down at the Ninetales on her other wing. The ninetales immediately let go, anticipating the wave of fire that would have engulfed him had he stayed.

“Max! We need to leave NOW!” The now slightly more injured Ninetales shouted again. The other Ninetales, who was now badly injured, hesitated for a few moments. After thinking for a second, he decided she was right.

“Lets go Lea.” The male Ninetales said back to his female companion. Almost at the same time, the two Ninetales fled, darting back off into the forest.

“It’s… It’s over?” I said quietly, only half expecting an answer. I assumed I had spoken too quietly for my mother to hear me, as she did not respond. It took me a moment to see why. I watched as my mother walked slowly towards the body of the Fletchling the predators had killed. They must have been in such a hurry to leave that they forgot their food. Looking up, I could see other Talonflames beginning to return from their morning hunt. One of them landed next to my mother. Though I never asked, the sound of crying quickly made obvious the fact that this Talonflame was the mother of the dead Fletchling. I heard this crying, and was saddened. Why did such a young Pokemon have to die? Sure, food was necessary, but still… I quickly decided that it was best I not think about it.

I slowly walked my way over to the base of the tree. I didn’t care if I couldn’t get back up to my nest. After what I had been through, a patch of grass in the shade of a tree seemed as good a spot as any to sleep.

[Pokeman]

Dude... These poems are awesome, especially Blindness and the first one.

[Dragon Master Mike]

Dude... These poems are awesome, especially Blindness and the first one.

lol, thanks! I never thought I was any good at writing poetry, but it looks like some people do XD

[Dragon Master Mike]

I have another short story to post. This is less of a story and more of pure detail. I was basically just trying to see how much detail I could put into one story. I had no intention of actually making it interesting to read. For that reason I don't expect anyone to read it, but I am posting it anyway. Like I said, If you are looking for something entertaining, DO NOT read this, because it was never meant to be entertaining. I wrote it to practice my detail.

EDIT: I kinda left out a fairly major part about it. This place is a place that I used to go to a lot, and every item that I pick up in the story represents a memory.


I sit in this old wooden chair, looking out at the lake before me. The lake is small, and this dock even smaller. The small body of water is shaped like an oval, and is small enough that the other side can be seen with ease. The water is not very deep, but it is deep enough. Many fish inhabit it. Mostly bass. Beside the dock I see a metal row boat, it’s oars sitting inside. I see the suns golden light reflecting off the surface of the cloudy water. I hear the chirping of birds from the trees behind me. I look up and see geese flying overhead, their grey wings flapping as they fly. Looking behind me, I see the hill leading up and away from the lake. I can’t see the top though, as trees block my vision. All around I see trees of various species. Many pine and oak trees, as well as the occasional birch.

Standing up, I turn and walk up the stone stairs leading towards the top of the hill. Twice I nearly trip, but I make it to the top unharmed. I make it to the top and see the house before me. I walk on to the porch that wraps around its back and left side. Looking through the glass sliding door, I see a kitchen and living room area. I also see no one is inside. I had known there would be no one inside though. As the sun begins to set, I step back off the wooden porch and walk along the side of the house. I walk down a gravel path, smelling the scents of the forest. I see an old wooden shed to my left. In front of it lies a log, stood up to allow items to be placed on it. On top of the log sits a small hand carved wooden cross, as well as a small knife. I quickly take the cross and keep walking.

At the end of the gravel path I see an old pickup truck. Its dark green paint is covered in dust and dirt. I open the passenger side door and climb in. Looking in the back seat, I see a small box of fishing hooks. I pick the container up and put it in my pocket. I step out of the truck and close the door behind me. I continue down and step out on to the old road running in front of the house. I turn right and begin walking, watching as the sky begins to darken. I begin to walk faster, trying to make it to my destination before night falls. To my right I see another house, this one older than the one I had just left. Continuing down the road, It begins to turn right. I keep walking, the forest surrounding me on both sides. I look up and see branches and leave covering the road, making it feel as though I walk through a tunnel.

I hit another road and make a right turn. I see a few more old houses to either side. Eventually I reach another road and make a left turn. Continuing down, I reach an area with a clearing to my left. Looking into it, I can see several deer lying in it. Just past the clearing I see the edge of yet another lake. This one is only slightly larger than the last lake, but I still struggle to see the other side, as the lighting is growing dim. I pass over a small bridge leading over a stream, then proceed up a hill. Walking down the worn road, I pass two more old houses before reaching my final destination. To my left is a house. It is old, but in better shape than most of the others.

I walk down the gravel driveway. With the last light of day gone, the forest looks very different. It is like a whole new world, where every tree could be a monster waiting for you to come within its reach, or where forest ghouls could be watching from a location just beyond sight. With this thought, I turn around, making sure one was not following me. I quickly turn back and continue down the driveway. Looking to my left, I see a pile of wood. Next to it is a log with an old axe in it. I quickly grab the axe before walking to the front of the house. I quickly ascend the steps to the porch, each of the four stairs creaking along the way. I reach the door and set the axe down. Reaching in my pocket, I quickly remove the key. Wanting to get inside and away from the cold, I insert the key into the door and unlock it. I quickly open it and pick the axe back up.

Walking inside, I am immediately met with the smell of stale air. I see a short hallway in front of me. The floor is wooden, and the walls and doors are all stained wood. Immediately to my right, I see a door. Opening it, I see a bathroom. I flip a switch and a small light hanging from the ceiling lit up, illuminating the Sink and Toilet along one wall, and the tub along the other wall. I flip the light switch back off and close the wooden door. Just past this door on the other side of the hall is another wooden door. I do not look inside however, and keep walking. I reach the end of the hall and see a door to my left. To my right, there is a small kitchen area, containing a small counter and a refrigerator. On the counter sits an old fashioned black phone. Just above the sink, there is a small window covered in blinds. I set the axe on the counter and keep walking through the room. In the front to my right is a kitchen table and chairs. To my left, the room connects to a living room. To my front is a glass sliding door.

Walking into the living room half, I see two old and worn couches to either side. Above the couch to my left is a painting of bears, all dancing around. In the far right corner of the room is an old TV. It is not very good, but it gets the job done. In the center of the room is a small table, with a brown rug underneath it. In front of me is a small fireplace. The screen covering the inside of the fireplace is moved aside, and wood is stacked inside. Underneath the wood is newspaper. The fireplace had already been set up. I see a red lighter in the center of the table, and I pick it up. Walking up to the fireplace, I light the newspaper under the wood. It quickly catches, and begins to spread. Within a minute I can hear the crackling of fire. I set the lighter on the counter next to the axe. I take the fishing hooks and wooden cross out of my pockets and set them down on the counter. I then quickly walk into the bathroom and change into my pajamas.

I see a TV remote on the couch. I grab it and turn on the TV. Flipping through the channels, I eventually find a movie that looks good. I toss the remote back on the couch. On one of the couches I see a blanket. It is old, but it is clean, and that is all that matters. I pick it up and lie down on the couch. Pulling the brown blanket over myself, I listen to the crackling of the fire. I look over at the glass sliding door leading to the back porch and hear the crickets and other night time insects. Looking back over at the TV, I watch the movie. The room quickly began to warm up from the fire, and I quickly began to grow tired. It wasn’t long before I began to fall asleep.

[Dragon Master Mike]

I wrote a Poem. I wrote this a while ago actually, but I'm very hesitant usually to share my poetry, which is why I haven't posted it or anything else yet (Despite the fact that ive been writing a lot.)



Good Times

The small lake lies before me
I look at it from the dock
The sun sets overhead
As I look out at the rocks

I see a fish leap
I see it flounder and flop
I watch it swim around
Until the splashing stops

The sunlight fades
And colors flood the sky
Red white and blue
The fireworks draw our eyes

Sparks fly over the water
Stars shine bright above
I wish to spend forever
In this place that I love

I turn around

I wake up.
The dream is over.

The dream of times left behind
The dream of places left behind
The dream of memories left behind
The dream of things never to return

For the years we spent here
Have long since come and gone
The days we would go here
Are nothing more than memories

Though it hurts to remember
It hurts more to forget
The good times we had
The good things we did

I long to go back
For things to be like before
But the times left behind
are never to return

[Suicune's Fire]

I liked the stories! It was cool how the fletchling one included the two ninetales from Yellow, as that was one of my favourite stories. I'm going to talk about that description story first. I won't point out everything, but I'll plant a few seeds in your mind for you to consider.

Firstly, there's the issue of detachment. I know it's meant to be description and not necessarily for people to read, but it feels detached in two ways: emotional and being fragments, rather than one big "river" of text that flows nicely. It does flow, but it's in pieces at parts. The emotional part isn't so much about being like "OH AND THAT TREE MADE ME HAPPY WHEREAS THAT BIG LAKE IS SADDENING." Nothing like that. xD I just meant the investment into the description, such as putting feel into how you describe it and really making the beauty come to life. You use many neutral words that can be seen as the basis for description, but without much heart yet. As an example,


Looking behind me, I see the hill leading up and away from the lake. I can’t see the top though, as trees block my vision. All around I see trees of various species. Many pine and oak trees, as well as the occasional birch.

This is quite neutral in that it very basically describes this view to us. To include a more emotive feel, you could call the trees lonely, the hill steep and weather-worn, and give connotations to the various species that this character sees. It could be that they dislike oak trees and love birches, because tiny little extra words can give off that vibe. It doesn't take much to give character to the narrator or the things around them. ^^

Another point I have to raise is repetition. Sometimes this isn't easy to pick up until you reread what you've written. An example is here:


I quickly turn back and continue down the driveway. Looking to my left, I see a pile of wood. Next to it is a log with an old axe in it. I quickly grab the axe before walking to the front of the house. I quickly ascend the steps to the porch, each of the four stairs creaking along the way. I reach the door and set the axe down. Reaching in my pocket, I quickly remove the key. Wanting to get inside and away from the cold, I insert the key into the door and unlock it. I quickly open it and pick the axe back up.

Read over that and count the number of times you use "quickly." xD Repetition of the single word can disrupt the immersion a reader feels, as it shows a lack of vocabulary or thought put into the piece. Of course, that's being harsh. That's why, through practice, you develop a thesaurus in your own mind from which you can quickly pull synonyms. For instance, my favourite synonym for "quickly" is "promptly." I use it a lot. xD Let's see, off the top of my head, I can think of:
Quickly, promptly, hurriedly, in a rush, rapidly...that's all I can really think of. XD So now, with my handy dictionary... "swiftly, speedily, hastily," and then you can branch into related words like "suddenly, immediately, abruptly," etc. Soooo many words! So put them to good use! A story with variation in its expressions will outshine stories with boring, repetitive terminology. Sometimes it's good to write basic pieces without much thought, and then go back over it and change as many words as you can to make it more interesting. It can be a good exercise!

Next up is something I definitely had to learn myself, through experience--although, not without help from others. I remember this one particular passage in TtEoaF where I was advised by someone not to word things in this manner. It was back when Dusty was on the ship and she was in a crate, and she ran into a grotle. She described him from top to bottom, or bottom to top - whatever it was - and the story literally stopped just to describe him. Yes, it's good imagery, but no, it wasn't well integrated. And that wasn't the only place where I did that. I did it basically every time I described a new pokemon. I was really trying to go for "show, don't tell" but instead I showed every unnecessary detail...while telling it. XD Anyway, here's an example:


To my right, there is a small kitchen area, containing a small counter and a refrigerator. On the counter sits an old fashioned black phone. Just above the sink, there is a small window covered in blinds. I set the axe on the counter and keep walking through the room. In the front to my right is a kitchen table and chairs. To my left, the room connects to a living room. To my front is a glass sliding door.

This is what I meant by 'fragmented,' and although that wasn't part of the issue I was talking about that I had to learn about, the issue is still present. And that is that you stop the story to describe something. What I was told to do was work it into the story as the characters do things. Such as, instead of describing an espeon as sleek and purple with a tail that splits into two, you could tell us that "the espeon strode gracefully as its delicate paws moved past sleek body, its tail waving slowly behind it as the split end seemed to stroke the air" or something. Basically, incorporate description into action, so the character observes the details as things are happening, like they would in real life. xD As an example, here's the difference between the first time I wrote that grotle scene, then the second time:


I flinched as a heavy paw stepped on top of mine which dirtied my paw all the more, and flicked my head to its direction to confirm that. In front of me was a round, mostly green-coloured Pokémon with two bushes on its back. I could see three large legs rounded off with thick paws from this angle, but it obviously had four. Each had three small claws, and the paws themselves were yellow. The legs went to green, which attached to its body. Half its head was cut off by the large yellow armour it carried on its back which held the two bushes.
Its mouth had a hooked beak like a bird Pokémon, and its cheeks came to a point and were yellow; matching the bottom jaw. There were also three brown streaks that were not flat, which ran along the armour—two of them disappearing on either side of the middle one under the leaves.

Then the new version:


I flinched as a something heavy stepped on top of my paw, dirtying it all the more, and I flicked my head to its direction. In front of me was a round, mostly green-coloured pokémon with two bushes on its back. I could see three large legs rounded off with thick paws from this angle, but there were obviously four. I ascended to his face, noting that half his head was cut off by the large yellow armour he carried on his back. His mouth was hooked, and his cheeks came to points and were yellow, matching the bottom jaw. As fancy and nature-loving as he was, he had no excuse for standing on my now-thumping toes!

That's not a great example, but I always remembered it. The first explanation is very long-winded, and awkwardly expressed. The second is shorter, sweeter, and leaves out the unnecessary detail. It doesn't really give a good example of describing the grotle while he's moving or doing something, but I did edit this ages ago, so even by now I've improved more. xD

So that's that, and I hope it helped. I'm just going to say that other random things were amiss with it, such as a few grammatical errors, such as saying it's instead of its when you mention the oars. Nothing big. ^^

NOW FOR THE FLETCHLING STORY.


“You were right,” The first Pokemon said quietly, “this place does look perfect for hunting.”

“Yeah.” The second Pokemon said. “Lets look for the lowest nests.”

I notice that you haven't got a grasp on your speech grammar yet. I don't know if you've listened to what I've said about it (XD) but I'm sure you have; it takes practice. So, the first speech there is practically perfect, but the T of "The first pokemon" should be a lowercase, because right before it...there's a comma. It's still the same sentence. If you have that "The" there with a capital T, then you're essentially sticking a random capital letter in the middle of a sentence.

The second one needs a comma after "Yeah" because "The second pokemon said" is a continuation of that sentence. Therefore, not only should there be a comma after "Yeah" but there also needs to be a lowercase T for "The" again. It's fine to have a full stop after "said" because that's the end of the sentence, but "Lets" is an abbreviation. It's short for "let us," and because of that, we need to substitute the U in "us" for an apostrophe. So it will ALWAYS be let's if you're saying "let's go do something" because you're saying "let us." There's one instance where the apostrophe isn't needed, and that's when "lets" is a substitute for "allows," and when it's not short for "let us." For instance, "But she lets us swim in the mornings!" If you put an apostrophe in there, it would be "But she let is us swim in the mornings!" which wouldn't make sense. xD So "lets" is its own word in that case. But yeah, whenever it's short for "let us," you will need an apostrophe.


5 minutes earlier

Unless you're quoting something that a character sees printed on something else, you always write figured out as numbers in stories. So this should say: "Five minutes earlier." (You also need punctuation at the end of "earlier.")


“Wheres mom?” I briefly wondered before remembering that Talonflame like to hunt this time of day.

I'm not going to point out every error, but here, you've got another lack of a needed apostrophe. "Wheres" is an abbreviation of "Where is," so again, to substitute that i in "is," you need an apostrophe. Not only that, but "mom" is what the fletchling calls his mother, so it needs to be a capital. Because "mom" is a name in this case, and names need to have capitals. If it was "Where's my mom," then there wouldn't be a need for a capital m, however.


“Could my mother actually loose?”

http://thelectureroom.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/loose-lose.jpg

(I know your is losing a fight as opposed to winning, but it only has one O!)


As the two Pokemons teeth sunk into my mothers wings,

Again, you need apostropheeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssss. Apostrophes exist to substitute letters, and also to show possession. In this case, both "mothers" and "pokemons" need apostrophes. EVERY WORD in existence needs an apostrophe when being possessive, except "it." Because it is super special. It only has an apostrophe when you're saying "it is." If it's possessive, you simply write "its." So, "It's lovely that you cleaned its tail." You're saying "it is" lovely, and you're saying that the tail belongs to "it." (Whatever "it" may be. Let's imagine a minccino. xD)

I understand that "pokemon" can be confusing, because it is the plural as well as the singular form. In this case, forget entirely about the plural factor, and just put a possessive S with an apostrophe on the end. Because "pokemon" is already the plural, you don't have to worry about an extra S to signify this plural...because it doesn't exist for that word. Therefore, both "that pokemon's food" and "all those pokemon's food" are BOTH correct. Similarly to how "that pokemon has food" and "those pokemon have food" are both correct. :]

Anywaaaaaaaay, your newest poem is pretty awesome. O: I really liked the way it went. I can relate to that, I must say. Although memories are fond, though, you can always make new ones that are just as good, or possibly better. :] That's how I feel, anyway, even if it seems close to impossible.

KEEP WRITING YOU AWESOMECAKE. Sorry it took me so long to catch up on all these. D:


~SF.

[Dragon Master Mike]

I had your message quoted at the beginning of this, then I realized how rediculously long a quote it would be.

To be completely honest, I posted that one story with no intention of anyone reading it. That's why I gave a warning before it that no one should read it because it's not meant to be interesting or anything. I just kinda put it here for the fact that I wrote it. It was just an experiment to see how much detail I could put into something (I was bored and uninspired). One thing I forgot to mention is that the poem and that story were connected.

As for the second story, that is probably one of my biggest problems. Using Apostrophes. I always manage to forget those. Oh, and my spelling is awful. I don't know HOW I always manage to misspell lose. And I didn't even know Its didn't need an Apostrophe.

As for the poem, I actually get so nervous sharing poems that I actually started getting really anxious when I saw someone responded to the post. For every poem I have posted here, I have at least two more somewhere that either I didn't feel comfortable sharing or I just thought weren't as good as my others.

[Suicune's Fire]

Looool! Yeah it would have been far too long. xD

Yeah, I know. xD I mentioned that. I know that that's what you were doing, but even so, I was giving advice on how you could incorporate that level of detail (which was good) into stories that are meant to be read by people. Oh they were? Well that's cool too. x) I mean, you can't post something like that and expect me not to say something about it. xD

No, your spelling was fine. I don't think there were any spelling errors. Just grammatical. ^^ Haha, that's fine. This is why I comment on your things and let you know! So you may learn. :D And that's the thing; so many people have not-great grammar simply because they haven't been taught how to utilise it. If you want anything clarified, don't hesitate to contact me. Unless you really don't care that much. xD In which case, I'll still bother you about it in stories!

Wow really? XD Don't be. It's good. I like all your poems. They're really quite good. I mean, you're a good writer in general. And that's okay. Poems can be extremely personal, and when they're torn apart or criticised, it can be hard to read what's been said about it or not be affected by it (if it's bad). Here's the part where you go, "Well I'm just glad you liked it though because what you said wasn't at all in proportion with the level of anxiety I was feeling." xD

Don't be afraid to share things. If you're not comfortable though, that's completely fine. I have plenty of poems that have gone unseen by all eyes except my own, and that's perfectly fine. ^^

But srsly, what do you think this means? XD


KEEP WRITING YOU AWESOMECAKE.

Obviously I enjoy your work! XD So don't feel like you have to be shy. Legitimately, I love reading your work. I wouldn't lie to you. Remember this. c:


~SF.

[Dragon Master Mike]

I wrote a story with the intention of people reading it and thinking "WTF just happened." I don't know if it came out any good, it might just be stupid, especially considering I wrote it in 40 minutes.




The horses

“The horses are not ready to see you.” The raspy voice whispered from behind the ancient wooden door as I tapped my hand on it.

“How much longer must I wait.” I questioned.

“Sixty two minutes.” I just barely heard it say.

“That is unacceptable!” I shouted. “I must see them sooner.” There was no response. Looking down at my watch, I saw that the time was already 11:17.

It was a black moonless night that I had chosen to journey out into the center of these ancient forests to seek out the horses. Around the clearing the cabin was located in, the tree branches, their leaves long since having fallen off, seemed to reach inwards like the tentacles of a giant squid reaching for their prey. A thin layer of snow had fallen earlier in the day, leaving a coating on the grass and trees.

The cabin before me appeared as if it had been there for decades, maybe even centuries. Its dark interior was hidden behind tattered beige curtains in the now shattered windows. For a moment I thought I saw a curtain move as if something brushed against them from inside.

“11:27.” I thought, looking down at my watch again. Though only ten minutes had passed, it felt like several eternities. I could feel the frigid winter air even through my many layers of clothes, and It only seemed to be getting colder. I couldn’t afford to wait another fifty minutes.

I knocked on the door again.

“The horses are not ready to see you.” The voice rasped again, slightly louder than last time. I figured there was nothing I could do to speed things up. I took a step back and sat down on the rotten wooden stairs that led to the front door. They appeared as if they might snap if I put even a fraction of my weight on them, but somehow they managed to stay in one piece.

I felt a gust of wind blow, and I pulled my black hood down over my face in an attempt to shield it against the painfully cold air, which stung as it made contact with my face. A few moments later I felt that the wind had stopped, but I kept my face covered anyway. I was worried that I would get frostbite soon if I couldn’t get inside. “11:37.” I thought, looking down at my watch again. Another ten minutes had passed.

I knocked on the door again.

“23 minutes.“ The voice said. I was happy when I heard this. In 23 minutes, only 43 minutes total would have passed. This was less than the original 62 minutes. And so I waited patiently, keeping my face covered and my hands in my pockets.

And then a bell rang. It sounded like the kind of bell you would hear from a clock as the hour struck midnight. It seemed as if it was coming from within the forest somewhere, but I didn’t spend long thinking about this. 23 minutes had passed.

I knocked on the door again.

“You may enter.” The quiet voice spoke from within the cabin. I opened the door, a loud squeak emitting from the hinges as it moved.

The inside of the cabin was pitch black. I could just barely make out the shape of a table in the center of the small room, and a door on the left side. I removed my small black flashlight from my pocket and turned it on.

On the table in the center of the room was a grotesque sight. Sitting on its side and in a pool of its own blood, the severed head of a brown horse laid. Its mouth was open, and its tongue stuck out slightly. Its teeth appeared yellow and broken.

“The horses are ready to see you.” Its abhorrent voice croaked, its mouth moving as the words were spoken.





http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z65/cameraguyjoe36/Pokemon%20Items/Registeel%20Egg_zpss8pyqifx.png
GCEA: Rock Egg 1345
(ONLY FOR GCEA Not For PXR Egg Hunt)

[Suicune's Fire]

“The horses are not ready to see you.” The raspy voice whispered

You must remember that a period is not correct in this instance, and nor is the capital "T" in "The." It's one sentence, yes? Because you're saying "the raspy voice whispered" in response to the speech. So you have to put a comma at the end of the speech and a lowercase T. Because then that makes it one sentence. Otherwise, think of it like putting a random period in the middle of a sentence where a comma should be, such as: "Hey, Mike, want to go and play in, like. The pool?" Do you see how it's like doing that? Just because there are quotations at the end of the speech, it doesn't mean that it signifies the end of the sentence. :] Try to remember this. COMMAS, MAN! Please tell me if you don't understand so that I can help you understand because I've raised it a few times in the past and you don't seem to either remember, or understand what I mean. x)


“How much longer must I wait.” I questioned.

I find it sort of amusing that you put a period here when you literally followed up with, "I questioned," making it obvious that it was a question...and there was no question mark. xD ALWAYS put question marks on the end of questions!


Around the clearing the cabin was located in, the tree branches, their leaves long since having fallen off, seemed to reach inwards like the tentacles of a giant squid reaching for their prey.

I really like this sentence, but you've used "reach" and then "reached," where I think one of the two could be changed to something else. Perhaps "stretch" or "extend" would suffice.


“11:27.” I thought, looking down at my watch again.

You've gotta watch out for numbers in stories. When in speech, you should always write out the number. So this should be "Eleven twenty-seven." Or perhaps "Twenty-seven past eleven" or however you want to style it.


I could feel the frigid winter air even through my many layers of clothes, and It only seemed to be getting colder.

That "it" in the middle of the sentence has a random capital I. This is without reason, so make it a lowercase. x)


“23 minutes.“

Again, the numbers in speech thing. And also, that second quotation mark is backwards. xD

I loved this story! The ending did make me go "wat," but in the best way possible. I enjoyed the enigmatic nature of the entire story, because it was really odd but also kept me entertained. I think the break between the ten minute (or twenty-three minute) increments was quite short, so it didn't make me become impatient or lose interest, although I definitely feel like it went a little too quickly. Perhaps something mundane could be inserted between the breaks to emphasise the little amount there is to do, such as watching the trees sway, or focusing on the activities of a little ant. Perhaps even watching snow build up at the base of a tree or something. But yeah, that's up to you, really.

I think you did a good job with this, especially considering it was written in such a short period of time. Well done. x) I always enjoy a piece of writing from you.

[Dragon Master Mike]

lol, the first mistake I honestly didn't know was a mistake.The question mark thing, I have no idea how I did that, that was just me being stupid. For the watch one I didn't think it mattered because it was a time, not just a normal number, but next time I will keep that in mind. The random capital in it is because of a habit I have. If I pause while in the middle of writing a sentence, just kinda automatically sometimes I will make the first letter of the first word I type when I start again capital. I guess because part of me feels like I'm starting a new sentence because of the fact that I paused.

I didn't make any errors with "It's" and "Its" Though!

Thank you so much for reading! I'm so happy you liked it! This is actually the first time I have put serious effort into writing something in a while. I genuinly planned to turn my story from GCEA WAR into a the first chapter of a much longer story, and I had so many ideas for it, but I just can't get myself to sit down and seriously work on it for more than a few sentences before I lose interest and go do something else. If I continue writing at the pace I am now, I will be lucky if it gets done by the end of next year.

Thank you again!

[Suicune's Fire]

Haha, that's okay. :] Like I said, if you need further clarification, just let me know. x) And haha, don't worry about the question mark thing! It's easy to miss. I agree with you about the time, but I mean specifically for speech. Speech should practically always be typed out in letters, not numbers. So while, I looked at the time, seeing that it was 11:51 is okay, if that was in speech, you'd need to write out the time in letters. :] Think of it like, "Mum, give me five minutes!" You wouldn't make that a 5, would you? I dunno, to me, numbers (especially singular, like using 5 instead of writing "five") seem like replacement figures...like an abbreviation for a word. It belongs in maths, not stories. xD Maybe I just have something against numbers because I can barely multiply... And yeah, I totally understand where you're coming from when it comes to the capital/pause thing. xD Just something to watch out for. :]

I know, right?! I noticed that! XD Well done! ^v^ I'm so proud! *tear of joy*

No worries. ^^ That's awesome! I need to do that again! xD Oh nice. Well that's okay. xD I mean, I suppose you can only really write as it comes to you. If you want to discuss ideas or something though, feel free to make a thread for it in the author's corner for people to input! If you wanna make it public, I mean. I did enjoy Alice's adventure so far. x)

No worries. 8D

[Dragon Master Mike]

It took a lot of pushing myself to get me to put up more poems. My family had a tradition every fourth of July where we would all get together and go to a certain place that I will not specify, and for reasons that I don't want to go into that tradition is done. This year we all went to my cousins house on the beach for a few days, and I was so upset about the change that I wrote this poem in anticipation of the event. I did actually have fun when I got there, but I couldn't stop feeling like something was missing. I should mention that my poem "Good Times" refers to the same place.



Crying Inside

Along the beach
I watch the waves
I laugh and play
But I’m crying inside

I say I’m having fun
I ride the waves
I put on a smile
But I’m crying inside

We run around
We play games
Laughing and shouting
But I’m crying inside

I go home
I lay in bed
I cry
And I’m dying inside

[Suicune's Fire]

DM, that sounds pretty upsetting. =/ Judging by the poem, I can tell that place meant a lot to you, and sometimes traditions are really, really difficult to break out of (especially if you're being forced). I'm sorry to hear about that. =/

I think the poem spoke loud and clear, as does Good Times, which I went back and reread. I really hope that you get your tradition back, if possible. D: