Grudges

[Braixen]

What is your opinion on them? Do you view them as useful tools to "learn your lesson" and be cautious of people who have wrong you in the past? Or do you think they are an unhealthy thing to carry around?


Personally I have always believe "Grudges weigh a ton and forgiveness is feather light". I think grudges only hurt the individual carrying them, and I have always felt much better when I let go of things. This isn't to say that you should forget everything that happened but I do think it's good to "come to terms with it" and move on if possible. This is easier said than done in a lot of cases, but I do think it's important.

So what are you views? Have you ever carried/do you carry a grudge? What happened?

[ray_quazaa]

I totally agree with you Absol! Grudges are easy, but forgiveness is hard in my opinion. Being able to let go is a great life skill that's under promoted in today's society (but grudges make a much better news story than forgiveness...)

[Fiery Fastball]

Unfortunately... I tend to hold life-long grudges. Once someone has done me wrong, I am eternally pissed at them.

[Rival Max]

I carry a lot of grudges around with me. Im half tempted to hold a grudge for you creating this thread ;)
Grudges are equally as important as forgiveness..dont let the hippies tell you otherwise. Grudges are natural, anger is natural..if they werent natrual you would do them without thinking. When a person truely understands themself they will understand that anger, grudges, judgement are all things that have to exist to keep a person a live. This mechanizes saved your ansetors and they keep your mind focused on people or things that can not be trust.

[Braixen]

I carry a lot of grudges around with me. Im half tempted to hold a grudge for you creating this thread ;)
Grudges are equally as important as forgiveness..dont let the hippies tell you otherwise. Grudges are natural, anger is natural..if they werent natrual you would do them without thinking. When a person truely understands themself they will understand that anger, grudges, judgement are all things that have to exist to keep a person a live. This mechanizes saved your ansetors and they keep your mind focused on people or things that can not be trust.

Hahah d'aww, don't be mad ;_;

But in all honesty although my opinion is almost opposite of yours I can totally understand your points! I guess it's really up to the individual and how they manage their thoughts. To me grudges impact me to such a degree that it's bad for my mental health so I learned to forgive quickly (although it wasn't easy). If people carry grudges and they find they don't affect them too much, but benefit them in some way then all the power to them.

I guess at the end of the day it's just not for me.

[Rival Max]

Hahah d'aww, don't be mad ;_;

But in all honesty although my opinion is almost opposite of yours I can totally understand your points! I guess it's really up to the individual and how they manage their thoughts. To me grudges impact me to such a degree that it's bad for my mental health so I learned to forgive quickly (although it wasn't easy). If people carry grudges and they find they don't affect them too much, but benefit them in some way then all the power to them.

I guess at the end of the day it's just not for me.

Neither of us is wrong here. The problem total forgiveness is that its not possible. Everyone here can say they dont hold grudges but if someone took everything from you, or stole your dream for you...you bet a smile or kind thoughts of forgiveness would never really cure it. Also you have to think about holding grudges is a your way of keeping yourself safe. Those feelings of mistrust could have protected good people from untrustworthy people.

The system is not perfect, and holding grudges isnt always healthy, but it is completely built into and its natural.

[Maddox]

I'll throw in my two cents here, why not?

Don't be fooled by Hollywood interpretations of forgiveness, it's not about easing the offending party's conscience nor does forgiveness mean you have to forget that someone slighted you. Forgiveness simply means you let go of the anger and pain the person caused you. I agree that if someone wrongs you, especially if you give them other chances and they continue to, you should bear that in mind and learn when you can and can't trust someone. That doesn't mean you have to carry that anger and pain forever. You don't have to be angry at someone to know you can't trust them. Constantly carrying around that pain is damaging to you and only you. The offending party isn't bothered by your anger and they aren't worried about your pain. Letting go of those feelings and moving on with your life unburdened by a bunch of useless luggage left behind by someone else is healthy and freeing. Yes, anger is a natural reaction, it's an instinctual defense mechanism and useful at times. But we are also human. We aren't driven solely by instinct like animals are. We can, and should, overcome our baser instincts, especially when they get in the way of our own growth and happiness.

[Rival Max]

I dont agree with the above statement and heres why. Forgiveness is a two cent word in my eyes. It means little more than people trying to accept what may have changed them for good. People are driven by instincts, every bit of you is instincts. You make choices everyday based on those instincts.

Some of the greatest writings, paintings and music the world has ever seen has come from pain, anger and grudges. Countries have been taking over, armies destroyed, history itself is shaped by the darker feelings. To say that forgiveness needs to happen for a person to live Or even worse to say a person with those feelings cant grow is just flat out wrong. You can not limit peoples growths to a "Nice/Peaceful" set of laws. Humans are far more complex, its only because of those feelings of happiness and bitterness, rage, and joy that you are not an insane person. If you try to say one can exist without the other perhaps its time to learn about balance.

[Maddox]

I understand what you mean, but you're oversimplifying what I was saying. I'm not at all trying to claim that no one should feel negative feelings ever (although if you can achieve it, why wouldn't you want absolute peace and joy?). Anger is natural, yes, and you can learn from anger, yes. A grudge, however, isn't just anger. It is wallowing in your anger and refusing to let it go or move past it. This is stagnation, non-growth. You don't grow or learn from never moving past something that hurt you. It just continues hurting you. Forever. Forgiveness is about letting go of the anger so that it stops being a source of pain for you. That is learning and, yes, growth. You learn from the event that angered you, but you move past it to continue your life with this new knowledge rather than getting stuck in a rut of just being angry over it. You are right that there has been much in the way of art, especially, that was inspired by anger, but ask an artist and many of them will tell you that performing their art is a way of getting OVER the emotion, not a way of holding on to it. I also can't think of anything good in history that has come from holding grudges. Historically, grudges bring violence and war and, while good things can be built from the ashes, war is never good. Unavoidable? Sometimes, but never good.

Also, while we do have many instincts that guide our decisions and help protect us, we also have many qualities that are NOT instinctual. Patience, charity, forgiveness, virtues like these go against every instinct we have, yet when we control our instincts and perform actions that go against them, we build a society, rather than a horde of squabbling instincts warring with each other for survival.

[Rival Max]

No one said anything about grudges being good. I said they are part of human nature. Also what I said was history has been shaped by anger, envy and grudges. I also can't agree with you on War. Everything about your freedom was built on war. If you are in the US. Your current freedom came at the costs of war. War with Native Americans, War with the Mexico, War with France, War with England. War is great it has given us a home, I can walk down the street without fear because of the wars people fought. If you dont think War is good you might want to read about the civil war, or ww2. At no point in history did someone go, "hey you seem like a cool guy do whatever and take however much land of mine you want. I wont hold against you." We have gone off the topic though.

Grudges are to anger what dark is to the night. You can not say they are different. Nor if you lived a long life you can ever say that you dont live with any bitterness or anger everyday. Its just not true. Again I will state that saying you can't grow based on bad feelings or grudges is a misunderstanding of what true human growth is. Your argument feels more like that of a religious person who believe forgiveness is part of enlightenment than that of someone who understands that each person has conflict within them and balancing that is what makes you. No one lives with only joy, if they say that they're lying to themselves.

Finally grudges are a necessary evil because they pushed people to try harder, pushed people to do things they wouldnt have done before. That feeling that caused has been the driving force for a lot things.

[Maddox]

Well, I thought we were going to have an interesting discussion, but since you feel it's necessary to dismiss my opinions and imply that I don't understand what it is to have conflict simply because of my religious background, I think I'll bow out of this discussion before it turns into something other than discussion. I've said my part and now I'll let others give their thoughts.

[Rival Max]

Well, I thought we were going to have an interesting discussion, but since you feel it's necessary to dismiss my opinions and imply that I don't understand what it is to have conflict simply because of my religious background, I think I'll bow out of this discussion before it turns into something other than discussion. I've said my part and now I'll let others give their thoughts.

Didn't mean to seem dismissive. Nor did I know you were religious, just assumed based on what you were saying. Its probable best to stop before it goes further than this. We just have two different mindsets and thats completely okay.. My arguments weren't meant to be personal towards you, just trying to point out what I saw wrong in your argument.

Also I love when people post threads like this..lol. Absol you picked a topic that almost everyone would agree with. Someone has to play the devil advocate and point out the other end of what your saying.

[Braixen]

Also I love when people post threads like this..lol. Absol you picked a topic that almost everyone would agree with. Someone has to play the devil advocate and point out the other end of what your saying.

By all means! I think it makes for a fantastic discussion and you've brought up some amazing points I haven't even considered. It's nice to see other's opinions and learn a bit more about the possibilities. :)

[Rival Max]

My only purpose here is defend balance. If you dont hold grudges you never really learn the lessons of letting that pain go. Both are equally important and both have pushed the world around us in different ways. People get different things for grudges and forgiveness. Sometimes people need that hate and that motivation they need it as a reminder of things that are not right. Other times people need to learn to let go because its only causing them more damage. Its just not a black and white kind of thing.

[Saraibre Ryu]

I don't talk much in potentially provocative discussions but considering my background and past history:

Warning this was a much bigger text wall than I expected. So I put it in a spoiler tag.

I don't find nor have found any evidence for grudges necessary for living, nor are they the same thing as anger. Anger is at some points in time, necessary and is an emotion. Grudges are not. Holding onto bitter resentment and or ill will towards a living being or specific thing doesn't promote healthy things this world needs. That is what a grudge is: holding onto bitterness and resentment. People make a choice to hold on to things, thus why grudges are held. It's easier to hold onto something of course, and letting things go is very hard, there is no denying that, but it's still a choice.

Being angry at someone is perfectly alright as long as it doesn't get out of hand. Anger necessary for the body to vent and release negative energy and emotions that, if pent up, will result in far more harmful effects. Few people learn how to express anger in a different form. I personally choose to try and not to get 'typically angry' when something does anger me, because I lived in a household of nothing but yelling, screaming, anger, hostility, and bitterness. It was supposed to be a family unit. My family unit but no, it was a constant free for all. The anger there was unnecessary because it was a constant swirling rampage. I had things held over my head, things from years ago. I couldn't take it anymore after years and years of negative reinforcement so I decided to stop being angry and leave. Almost two years later after moving, I feel a lot better now that I'm in a better environment, and every time I look back on it, I choose to not be as they were.

That brings me to my next point: the development of grudges comes to choices, but grudges are caused by something negative coming onto a person that may or may not necessarily be yourself. It is still a choice to hold one, because you are choosing how to react to that you are exposed to and choosing how to develop from it. You are choosing how to grow and if you are going to cling to something negative. How do you plan on fulling moving forward with something constantly dragging you down? What is the point? The grudge of one person can carry to many like an infection, and thus can create discrimination, more hate, and discord within an environment and society. It is easier to hate, it is easier to be angry, and thus, people make the easier choice. Most people don't even think about being angry, angry just comes and it's not thought about at all. It promotes unhealthy development of a person's mind.

This is where the difference of anger opposed to grudges comes into play. Anger and a grudge are two different things as I said before. Anger is an emotion and can come without thinking, often does come without thinking and does not require thought to be created. Grudges, while caused by other sources like anger, are not created in a near instant, and is a product entity of various other factors mentioned before: resentment and feeling ill towards another person or thing that sits and festers and doesn't cease or dissipate. Being angry at something is natural because emotions do not need other catalysts to created them. If something happens that makes you happy, you don't need other emotions to create that happiness, and often times, more emotions are stemmed from one emotion. Grudges are created the other way around: multiple negative emotions creating one product.

For me personally [not like what I didn't say above was part of my personal life or anything, aha], I don't have any grudges nor think I have had one. There are things that I remember of people that I've met that remind me of negative things that they have done that I didn't like, but I don't hold on to it. I don't see a point. I've lived in such a horribly negative environment for too long that I don't need it. I choose to move on and live a life with minimal anger and [despite everything I've been put through mentally and emotionally, without any grudges. If you knew all of the details, a select few of you do] you'd be surprised that I don't hold grudges at all. I recognize that things make me upset, sad, angry, and even annoyed, but rather than get to the point of holding onto that, I let it go. I now have days where I can live where the worst thing I feel on a daily basis is being irritated. I'm glad I have some days without being angry, it means I can fill that time and space up with things that are better for me.

I choose to live as someone who can resolve and understand without hate. I want to influence the world to be like this somehow and the best way I can right now, is to show by example. If people want to choose to hold grudges, then that's something that's just too bad for them. I'll probably end up annoying them with future happiness that I [hope and am aiming to] achieve.

[Sandstorm Lavastone]

I don't normally post on these forums at all, as public forums scare me, but I was shown this thread and it irked me, a lot. I too am from a negative environment, and let me tell you, grudges are the worst possible thing I can do for myself.

Maddox, I don't think anything you said had anything to do with religion and was completely applicable outside of your beliefs. -I- totally agree with most of what you said and I'm not even religious. I think you have a great understanding of what conflict is, and from what I read of your posts, you also know how to deal with things in a very level headed manner, good on you! ^^

And frankly, Shadow Tracker Max, I think your way of thinking is -extremely- twisted. The fact you carry a lot of grudges around makes me sad for you. You are choosing to be resentful of what others have done to you and that really isn't going to do anything for anyone in the long run. It's as Maddox said, you're carrying excess luggage around. Anger helps others and pushes people along yes, but grudges are just unnecessary. They hold a person back and make it so you can't let go of the pain. Anger and grudges are two different things.

Forgiveness IS part of enlightenment, actually. If you don't forgive, even though it's hard, pain sticks to you like glue and it does nothing for a person. I've held grudges in the past and all they did was make me unhappy, fill me with anxiety and hate, when really, there's two sides to every story and there's always some wrong that has been done on both sides. (unless someone was murdered or some disgusting nasty crime or something, or being back stabbed, I see no reason to hold grudges against others.) I agree with what you said about balancing conflicts within yourself and forgiveness, but there's nothing in that situations that requires grudges as a need. Letting go of hate is freeing and frankly I think holding onto grudges is the coward's way out.

Someone's wronged you and your pissed about it, instead of holding a grudge, just be successful in life because guess what? That's the best revenge.

The best thing to do when there is a conflict with others, is to RESOLVE them, not hold a grudge against them. You lose friends that way and also create a circle of hate, you also don't realize your own actions if you keep grudges. If you did wrong, you need to know this and think about your actions, if you keep telling yourself that you were right for what you did and choose to be resentful of the other person, you aren't going to learn crap all about yourself.

Oh and btw, people get angry without thinking ALL THE TIME. Everyone has triggers that set them off and make them say things they don't mean due to how angry they are at the time. And while no one can say they have lived ONLY feeling joy, there are MANY that can say they live without holding grudges, and I know quite a few people who have never held a grudge in their life time. They've gotten angry, yes, but never held grudges. It's all about balancing your emotions and realizing what's a trigger for you, and to stop yourself when you feel yourself getting a little too irrational. Easier said than done yes, but again, you can live many a day without feeling an ounce of bitterness or anger. I've went months and months with just being content, really, maybe a little angry about a few things here and there but it was never lasting, nor did I choose to hold a grudge against those few things.

I just dealt with it and moved on.

Also, no, you can't limit a person "nice/peaceful" set of laws, and yes people who are bitter can grow, but they aren't going to grow into a respectful person. Not to point out names but my Great grandmother is a great example. She is so freaking bitter that she's IRRITATING to me, she complains about EVERY LITTLE THING and CHOOSES to be resentful of others, and this is why she lives in her tiny apartment, eating candy every day and doing virtually NOTHING. She CHOOSES to be resentful of those that wronged her, so there she sits, living a bitter, lonely life until death comes knocking on her door.

Is that how you want to be too?

Holding grudges and being negative is called "stinking thinking." I suggest you go learn about it.

Anger is necessary but there are times when it becomes so much it's UNnecessary. Grudges are NOT useful for anyone, nor do they exist for survival. Judgement does exist for survival, yes, but that really depends on the way you're using it. People shouldn't be judged for their way of life, for example, or who they are. Should you judge a person that's treating you badly and figure out weather they are bad for you or not? Absolutely.

Total forgiveness IS possible. For some, they can forgive but there will always be a bit of a scar there, but they moved on so it doesn't hurt anymore. Some completely forgive, and some choose to hold petty grudges. But yes, total forgiveness is possible and I've seen it time and time again.

The world is full of gray, but grudges is a choice, and it's all in how you handle things that makes you happy or makes you miserable.

My big brother is a great example of practicing major forgiveness. He never holds any grudges, at all. He's been angry before, but never for very long. He knows what forgiveness is, and yes it can be very very hard for some, but easy for others. He's taught me the art of how to deal with others and be happy.

I hope you realize how bad grudges are some day too.

Also, I'd like to state that I can vouch for my dear Saraibre Ryu, as it's true. I know the details and she's been through -A LOT-, and she's right, you'd be surprised she holds none.

I've been there for her for 8 long years, and it's been no kiddy ride down unicorn lane, that's for sure.

[Rival Max]

hahaha I picked a side of this that wasnt popular for a reason. I love Absol but this was a fluff topic that was meant not for a real debate but for everyone to do exactly what they have done. Point out reasons not to hold grudges. Im to old to fall into this group of thought. No time left to say that forgiveness is the end all and be all to life, Id never believe in such a thing. Anyone who says you have to let something go is ignoring the amazing things that have been done through anger and bitterness. As I pointed out some of the best works of art come from hate, pain and anger. Grudges are natural, envy is natural and its not true that people holding grudges cant grow or change or learn. Its just not.

Im honsetly glad you all feel the way you do and thats more power to all of you. I dont feel sad for you because you feel so one sided. Nore do I hold it against you to claim that grudges are any different that judgement or envy. I have been around and see many different forms of motivation, many different people going through joy and pain. All of it is needed. You all have missed the point of what Im saying.

At no point did I say everyone should hold grudges forever nor did I ever say I am holding a grudge against anyone or anything right now. My point of view has formed through many many life experiences I have been in which is a lot. I just wil not agree that Human beings can just apply a positive attitude and everything is fine. We are just too different...struggling and pain are just as important to who you are as the fluffy moment of joy.

Ill respect that everyone is going to basically say the same thing. Not sure why you guys cant respect my view...

Also even if I did live with extremely feelings..look at my presence on the forum look all the things I have done just on this site. You look at that and tell me that grudges are holding me back ;)

[Braixen]

I respect your opinion for sure. Everyone is welcome to their opinions, or to venture into opinions they may not necessarily believe. Nothing wrong with exploring, it's the best way to learn of course.

[Sandstorm Lavastone]

"I carry a lot of grudges around with me. Im half tempted to hold a grudge for you creating this thread ;)" <-- Yes, yes you DID. The way you throw around grudges like it's just candy really upsets me, you must not understand how negative life can be and what it can do to a person.

Too old? No one is too old to learn new things and it's obvious you are set in your ways and your mind is severely closed. I find people of your generation are so set in their ways and they don't realize that the things they believe are so outdated...

You ignored everything we've said and you must of had a very sheltered life in your younger years to truly believe grudges are useful... I feel you need to learn the facts, seriously. I did not take years of different programs and therapy for you to come along and tell me my teachings are ridiculous. My teachings are based off of true research of the human mind, social scientists and the like. Of course, it's not that easy, you can't just put on a happy face and everything is fine, that's why people DEAL WITH THINGS and LET THEM GO instead of holding on to petty grudges like you do.

You missed the point of everything we've said, and frankly? You need a paradigm shift. I don't feel what we've said is onesided at all, your troubles do help shape you, but it's how you DEAL WITH THEM that really makes you the person you are. And some people are overridden with bitterness and hate, and it teaches the world the wrong message. Balance is critical and hate is not needed in that balance.

A grudge is a form of hate.

Everything that has been done out of anger and bitterness came with a price, and none of those prices were pretty, history and otherwise.

Your brain seriously needs a good untwisting.

I cannot respect your view simply because it's twisted and you keep disregarding everything we're saying and our own experiences.

If you've done so many "great things" out of bitterness and hate, then prove to the world.

I will not reply again.

I dislike public forums, always have, always will. They scare me and frankly, I really don't want to be here right now and should never of posted in this forum.

Too full of scary people such as this.

[Braixen]

Please try and make sure when you're posting that your content isn't too personal. Discussions are welcome but attacking people personally has no place on this forum. :) It's fine to disagree with another person, and it's fine to have a heated discussion but please make sure the discussion is about the topic at hand and not a way to insult or put down other individuals.

Please keep this in mind when posting in this thread. Thank you.

[Saraibre Ryu]

nor did I ever say I am holding a grudge against anyone or anything right now.


I carry a lot of grudges around with me.

*cough*


Also I don't see what 'picking the popular side' has to do with some people's morale choices. If not holding grudges was the popular thing to do, a lot more people would be doing it, to act on it. They aren't, otherwise there would be a lot less hate in this world. Again, how is making a decision to hold ill will against someone natural? I don't see the animals hunted off holding a grudge to the hunters that kill them for sport and fun. It's a product. Also I don't see how this is a fluff topic either.


Anyone who says you have to let something go is ignoring the amazing things that have been done through anger and bitterness.

Amazing things? Like what, war? Discrimination against minority groups that want equal rights? The positive things created in war were made by the people who were out to defend themselves and their people, such as the freedom you mentioned earlier. Not because they were just bitter about the other side and mad at them. People vouching for equal rights as a minority in the past did it because they didn't like how things were going and wanted a better life for themselves and fairness. You mentioned some paintings and artwork, but those weren't created because someone put pure anger into it. They transformed the emotion and energy and translated it into an alternative expression, as such what art itself is: an expression of a person in an alternate form. Direct anger and bitterness creates resentment and these grudges. I've done it, but I haven't done art because I was angry or bitter, I did it because I wanted to divert that energy to something else.

Are negative things necessary in life, such as anger and sadness and pain? Yes, because they define what is positive and teach the value of the positive things. Again, a grudge is a choice, and choosing to be negative is never a good thing.


Also even if I did live with extremely feelings..look at my presence on the forum look all the things I have done just on this site. You look at that and tell me that grudges are holding me back ;)

I did not nor specifically state that a grudge holds the entirety of a person back. It inhibits growth.

I'm not going to go into much detail into what you've done because that's a long list for the site, but I doubt you did them because you were angry or bitter at PXR. That was probably the last thing on your mind. I know that no one can do the forum 24/7 either, there are other things in your real life that you must do. It's not my place to say how your life works because I don't know it. The forum is one place though, not the single thing a person interacts with for their whole life.

Also, as far as one sided minded go, I fail to see how I'm one sided in mind when I've lived in nothing but extreme bitterness and anger for years and seen what it's done. Those are details I do not want to get in to.

[Rival Max]

*Did you think that was serious? Normally, words like this followed by emoticons are taken as a joke. That was and obvious joke meant for my friend Absol ;) Not sure why you dont get that im just defending the other side of the coin, or why you think any of what I said warranted the above insults (referring to the last couple of responses).. Not respecting others opinions makes for unneeded tension.

I completely get what everyone is saying. I already understand all of that, emotions come in steps, with one thing you cant have the other. How can you learn from pain or your anger or the rotten things you are going to do. If life was so simple that you could just forgive and forget everything.
I consider myself close to be a Buddhist for a long time. I dont like violence in anyway shape or form. Buddhism is about balance, everything your going to do is part of you and you must accept that. Just like getting past a grudge things take time and understanding. The grudge and those feelings are just as important as the journey it takes to forgiveness. You can never really understand you unless you can respect the bad side of your choices and the things that trigger those reactions. You can learn to accept them.

However as a person who likes to view the world as it is, some of the worst things in the world have been accepted because they moved something forward. Not saying they were right but everything has bad and everything has good. I really didnt want this to be an argument but it seems that this is a subject that is more close minded that open for an open discussion. I think its important every thought should be explored, even the crappy stuff deserves a place in this because all of us have had to go through stuff that shaped us both for good and for bad.
With this I will stop talking on this thread because I fear its only making things worse..lol and despite all that I have said about forgiveness being important being part of a witch hunt is never fun.

[Grassy_Aggron]

Perhaps Dredd they would be more willing to listen to you if you did not word things in such a condescending way. I do not mean to be insulting here, but calling it a "fluff" topic, or the emotion of joy "fluff", stating that everyone is being "close minded", all come off as being antagonistic and is going to be rewarded with responses, often negative. Everyone has stated their opinions but in no way were they close minded, deriving their knowledge from personal experience. You seem to neglect that and choose to believe that because they won't agree with you and continue to argue their points, they are being close minded.

Grudges do hold you back. Wallowing in anger only makes you focus on ways to get back at that person, and often can make you terrified of whatever it is they did to harm you. Have I held grudges? Yes, I have. I currently hold one against my father, although it only flares when he tries to contact me and I am steadily on my way to getting over it. Will it eventually turn to forgiveness... probably not, but the least I can do is let it go. All I feel is anger and pain, crying, whenever I get contacted. It is not a feeling I want nor one I care for, and it certainly isn't healthy for me (especially if you know how high strung I am!).

In this way, "forgiveness" can simply be a view of letting it go, rather than saying "I forgive you man, hug!". They both achieve the same thing, although true forgiveness is undoubtedly better for the soul and, for religious folks out there, getting a ride to...whatever good place your religion talks about.


I would also like to note nothing good comes from war itself. The products can be good and bad and usually are, but war, in itself, it never good. It causes loss of life, destruction of the environment and wildlife, and countless broken families. I never will view war in itself as being good, and I'm a bit angry you said that it was. My freedom may have come from war but it is exactly that - a product, and not the war itself, which is still bad in my opinion.


As for the whole thing about grudges creating art, I have to agree with Sabi and Sandstorm. Art was created by injecting the anger as an energy. I can say that when I am angry, writing for an angry character is much more satisfying and realistic, and I feel much better afterward. So, yeah :/


My two cents.

[Rival Max]

This argument is long over and solved between Sabi and I. It was attacks on both parts and bad wording on my part that got us here. So I can't respond to this any further. Its best for this threads focus to turn back to the focus and not my shanagans ..lol

[Suicune's Fire]

Oh Dredd. xD Causing trouble as always.

I think grudges are pretty poisonous. I have a hard time keeping them usually because my anger fades over time, but also because things people to do me or other people usually aren't bad enough to warrant long-term resentment. That being said, it has happened before of course, usually to people around me instead of me. So I don't usually like/appreciate the person who wronged my friend, so although I dislike them or their actions, I wouldn't hold it against them personally...in most cases. XD I think that if the person was asking for forgiveness, then I would pretty much always grant it. I would feel horrible if someone felt regret for something they did and I didn't forgive them. Then again, I suppose it depends what it was they did. I don't think I could bring myself to forgive anyone who murdered, like, my family or friends. xD Something like that, unless an accident, is just...too difficult to forgive. That's how I feel about it for me, I mean. It would be different for other people of course.

I dunno, it's dependent on the situation/person/etc I suppose, but in general, no, I don't hold grudges.


~SF.

[Pokeman]

I don't really have grudges, mainly because no one's ever pissed me off so bad that I would old it for such long periods of time. Besides, my anger doesn't linger for more than a day, really.

[PerseusRad]

I guess I do hold grudges now that I think about it. If people annoy me enough for me to get to that point, then yeah, I'll hold grudges. However, the people I hold grudges against haven't necessarily matured enough to be calm and serious, so, in say, 10 years, I probably won't hold any grudges against some guy who was a jerk in middle school. If I saw them, I wouldn't go run up an say hi, but I wouldn't flip him off.

[Blaquaza]

I hold grudges, but only if someone has done something pretty bad to me. To be honest, I've only held two long grudges in my life; I'm not in contact with one of those people anymore, and I'm almost forgiving the other one.

[The-Hydra]

I've been trying to holding grudges since I could walk. I wish, I wish I could, but I can't. So I guess I just have to have a happy relationship with everyone. Shucks.

[Corey]

I haven't read all of these long replies just so you know. /lazy xD

I do hold grudges. I still hold grudges from yeeeeaaars ago. It's not easy for me to let go, and I'm also I'm very sensitive and feel the hurt for quite a while. It's not a good way to live. :(

[Elbub]

A grudge would be "A deep-seated feeling of resentment". So no, I don't :L

I've been very angry at people, even hated some people (I will point out that really not very often, as I tend to be quite laid back), but I've never resented anyone for any real or imagined grievance.

[Neo Emolga]

My grudges tend to be very, very temporary. I'm often quick to forgive and forget. Grudges just seem... needlessly angry for too long, and that's not a good feeling to be constantly running.

[Bulbasaur]

My grudges tend to be very, very temporary. I'm often quick to forgive and forget. Grudges just seem... needlessly angry for too long, and that's not a good feeling to be constantly running.
Same. I remember once I got in a fight with someone and held a grudge for... maybe 10 minutes? Then we started talking again.

[DarkNerd]

Ah, grudges.
One of my many talents. I am very skilled at holding grudges. Why, sixth grade a boy robbed me of my ability to trust for many years. I still hold a grudge against him to this very day.
I hold grudges. Do they hurt me? Yes. Constantly.
Would I prefer to just forgive and be free of them?
Hm... lemme think... nah.
I've always needed a leash to accomplish my best, for without one, I simply don't know what or where to go. Each time I reach the edge, I pull it foward with me. Thereby, I make progress. A grudge can help me, as it helps me see others in kinder light by comparison. Does that make me a judgemental person? Probably, not going to lie. But I can trust better now. Still a few problems, but better. So I tend to not judge people until a few interactions, or at least try very hard to. That's something that arose partially because of that grudge.
That's not all, in order to forgive, one must release the pain and worry of it. I... kinda have problems with that. One, I believe to be the best I can be (like no one ever was), you need the pain. Two, letting go of something like that, it's just hard. When you a grudge that lasts several years. You can't simply just let it go. It has frozen your heart for so long. Part of why is because you know forgiveness will make them feel less terrible.
I'm not going to lie, I am not a kind person in that regard. I will not help you feel any better if you have harmed me. I am a terrible person in that regard.
But it is that that allows me be kind to everyone (or try to) until you make me feel that terrible. Getting me to hold a grudge on you is hard, but if it happens, it's staying.
Grudges aren't good, they make you feel terrible.
But they help ease the pain of the injury for a while.