[WAR] Humor

[Dragon Master Mike]

http://i58.tinypic.com/6ye176.png

Welcome to the WAR Humor Contest! I will be your judge this year! Here, I expect participants to put forth their funniest moments, biggest fails, best jokes, and things of this sort.

Before I continue, I would like to thank the WAR Leaders for allowing me to be a judge.

The way I judge this contest will be simple. How much can you make me laugh? And how well did you stay on topic? For how funny I actually think your joke is, I will grade on a scale of one to one hundred, with one being not funny at all, and one hundred being one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard. In addition to this, you can get up to 50 extra points for staying on theme, with one being completely off topic, and fifty being on topic. As long as you stay on theme, it should be an easy extra fifty points. Also, you will be scored on originality. You will be able to get up to 50 additional points for being original.

Now, I’m sure you will be wondering about the winners. I have three points per week to award winners. The participant who I have given the highest score for their joke will receive 2 of these points, and the next runner up will receive one of them.

To enter, simply post in this thread with your entry by 12:01 A.M EST on the next Sunday. I will judge all entries on that day, and have the winners, along with the next week’s theme up by the end of the day. Please keep entries PG.

This Weeks Theme:
Anything!

Yes, you heard correctly. For week five, we will have no theme! Don't think this just means you should post any random joke though, because there will still be a catch! This week, you will be graded as a team. Every team will have all of their member's scores averaged together! In addition to this, the final score will have 3 points added to it for every team member that participates, up to a maximum of 12, so make sure to not only talk about your jokes with your team, but get as many of them as possible to enter!

As one final bonus, everyone who enters a joke that DOES NOT fit any previous weeks theme will receive a +5 bonus to their individual final score.

[Dragon Master Mike]

Previous Weeks Winners

Week I: Epic Fails

First Place: The-Hydra

Runner Up: Corey


Week II: Bad Jokes

First Place: Tenacity

Runner Up: Suicune's Fire

Week III: Parody

First Place: Saraibre Ryu

Runner Up: Neo Emolga

Week IV: Memes

First Place: Prince Vultan

Runner Up: Neo Emolga

[XaiakuX]

You forgot the Sign-Up form, homie. It's cool, I got you:

Username:
Team:
Link to story/Story (use spoiler tags, please.):

[Spoiler] [./Spoiler]

[Dragon Master Mike]

You forgot the Sign-Up form, homie. It's cool, I got you:

Username:
Team:
Link to story/Story (use spoiler tags, please.):

[Spoiler] [./Spoiler]

I haven't been told that a signup form is required, and I can get all that info just by looking at the username and I can see the team underneath their avatar. Unless a War Leader tells me I'm required to put a sign up form, I'm not going to put one. Sorry if that came out harsher than I meant it.

[Tenacity]

Just realised I had to PM it to you. Apologies. ;D

[Brettles]

Username: Brettles
Team: Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
Story:

Epic fail by the VCE coordinator.
Many years ago when I was a brand new teacher I witnessed a wonderful fail by our school's VCE coordinator. (VCE is senior school education here in Victoria, Australia. The VCE coordinator is responsible for senior student well being and discipline.)

Our school is located on top of a hill, and our senior students came up with the brilliant idea of freezing giant ice blocks in old ice cream containers to ride down the hill.

On the day of their planned ice ride they procured a video camera to film the action and took the giant ice cubes to the hill ready to slide Down.

This is where the VCE coordinator comes in. He saw what the students were about to do and came out yelling at them to stop being so irresponsible. The students did respond the way he wanted, but instead tried to convince to let the ride the ice down the hill.

The VCE coordinator got angry at their 'lack of respect' and decided to show his dominance. He picked up one of the blocks ice, raised it above his head and threw it to the ground to shatter it and intimidate the students into not pushing him any further. Unfortunately he decided to contain the mess by hurling the block of ice into garden bed. Hitting the soft soil, the block ice stayed in one piece.

Rather than being intimidated the students laughed and gave him suggestions for weight training.

The VCE coordinator was not amused, and was even less happy that the whole incident was caught on tape and circulated throughout the year.

[Voltaire Magneton]

Sent for Team Trainer!

this for evidence of participation

[[Desolate Divine]]

Sent in my entry! Evidence!

[XaiakuX]

Something something I sent you a PM.

[Soulmaster]

Oh, posting that we sent. Well then I also sent a failed fail in.

[The-Hydra]

Sent in my fail. You better keep the Private in PM in mind my friend o3o

[Dragon Master Mike]

Something something I sent you a PM.

XaiakuX, I never got your entry. I don't know if i can add it in either if you resend it. The deadline is technically over. I'm sorry for not letting you know this sooner.

[Dragon Master Mike]

I pray that everyone realized I planned to post these publicly....

http://i58.tinypic.com/6ye176.png

Week I Scores

Soulmaster: 118
68/100, 50/50
Entry:
I've put together several desktop computers, but when I went and tried to wire it, I failed. I had plugged everything in, in what I was 90% sure were the correst spots, powered it up, and it worked for 2 seconds, and failed. After this happened a few times, I tried to jumpstart the power supply, but I forgot to unplug everything. So I ended up frying the motherboard, and who knows what else. There was a very nice puff of smoke, and a lovely burnt plastic smell.
Comments: That story was pretty funny. Don't be so critical of your entry next time, you did good

Fawkes: 75
40/100, 35/50
Entry:
once when I was washing a spoon I flipped it onto it's convex side doh
Comments: Well. It's interesting. I'm not sure if I can really call that an "Epic" Fail" though.

Prince Vultan: 105
65/100, 40/50
Entry:



I'ma just leave this here.

http://postimg.org/image/quu0w94d7/

I'm... Not sure I get it. Sorry if I'm just being stupid right now, but what exactly happened?

As I said on AIM, i'm altering my entry to just be this entire conversation. Because it was that much of a fail.
Comments: Well. Your final entry was the entire conversation of you trying to get me to understand your first entry because your first entry was a failure of humor so bad that I couldn't even understand it. That would probably be the most interesting entry anyone has entered, and it was pretty amusing. As an extra note, I thought I should mention for anyone reading this that part of this conversation took place over AIM.

Tenacity: 119
69/100, 50/50
Entry:

SWING.

I’ve never been known to be much of a swinger. But that day, I was one.

Afterward, I never swung again.

It was September 8th 2009, notable for being International Literacy Day, but more importantly my own birthday. I was 14, to be exact. We all know what it’s like to be 14 (well, other than those born before 2000) – we just want to be wild and free, dang it. So there I thought, what is the most wild and liberating thing I can do for my 14th birthday?

Go to the local park, of course!

Imaginative, I know. Anyway, straight after school a group of buddies and I headed straight for the park on our bicycles. There’s nothing particularly special about this park – it was your standard fare; swings, rocking horses, some weird bicycle thing that you can pedal in circles and a jungle gym in the shape of a freakin’ tractor. Okay, I guess the tractor was pretty cool. One kid got stuck in the wheels one time and the fire department had to cut him out. But that’s a story for another time.

We approached the swing set. Friend 1 and I, who we shall call Jeremy at this point, got to the two available seats first and began swinging. Sorry friends 2, 3, 4 and 5, you’re just going to have to wait your turn.

But their turn never came. Or, at least, I never saw it come.

Jeremy and I were happily swinging along on the swing set until friend 2, who we shall call Derrick, offered to push me on the swing. “It’s your birthday – you get the special birthday swing push!”

There was nothing overly dramatic about the special birthday swing push – just a guy standing behind you pushing you on the swings instead of using your own momentum to swing. Yet the special birthday swing push changed my perspective on swings forever.

At first, nothing happened. The swing swung as it would if it had been just I controlling it. But then, that familiar lurch in my stomach. The one that says: ‘Tenacity, quick, you’re not in control! Do something!’ Derrick was pushing the swing harder than was necessary, and I could feel my butt-cheeks slipping from the swing’s warm embrace. I had to act, fast.

“Derrick, stop, you’re pushing too high!” I said. But it was too late. I had an ultimatum – act now or fall to an improbable death.

I leaned backwards, trying to counterbalance the swing to stop myself from falling.

I leaned too far.

I leaned so far that half of my body was now hanging beneath the swing, only my waist down still firmly on the seat. By this point, Derrick had finally let go. Unfortunately, the swing still continued to move. With my back parallel to the floor, the swing swung forward once more. My back collided with the tarmac floor, ripping flesh from spine as it went. My body was dragged off of the swing, which continued forward. I rolled over to alleviate the pain from my sore back. The swing swung back. And then I raised my head.

Big mistake.

The swing swung forward again, colliding with the back of my skull. Crack.

Epic fail.

More pain. My friends were laughing. I stood up, communicating to them that I wanted to go home to nurse my injuries. They let me go on my own, staying at the park, probably to worship the tainted swing. I cycled home as fast as I could, the wind feeling as though it was tattooing my spine with agony.

When I got home, my mother prepared a bag of frozen peas to rest my back on. She placed them down on the sofa. I pressed my back into the chilly vegetables; a cooling sensation waved across my entire body.

Rest in peas, I thought.

The injury actually left scars on my back that lasted six months – one circular scar for each tip on my spine. That certainly made getting changed for Physical Education at school…interesting, to say the least.

I hope you all enjoyed my epic fail.
Comments: This was one of the most elaborate entries out of everyone. I was reading it and wasn't sure how to react. I like the fact that I can tell you took some time to write it though.

Corey: 135
85/100, 50/50
Entry:
http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?1239-DesperadoBRT-vs-Corey-DesperadoBRT-wins-by-DQ&p=14999&viewfull=1#post14999
Comments: I REMEMBER THIS. I had forgotten about it, but when I saw it again I laughed pretty hard. I think your score speaks for itself. It might be a little confusing to those who do not play ASB, so basically what happened was he said "Magic Coat" Instead of "Mirror Coat", and Magic Coat isn't a move, therefore the move failed.

Velocity: 120
80/100, 40/50
Entry:
You know the saying “an elephant never forgets”? Well, my memory's usually not the best, but when it comes to personal failings, I definitely identify with everyone's favorite pachyderm. I could do more than just tell you about my greatest screwups; I could all but regale you with epic legends of my own idiocy. I’m not going to do that to you, though - my fingers would fly off if I tried typing everything out in one go, I would probably die of embarrassment, and anyone who tried to read this hypothetical vast, moronic tome would be bored absolutely to tears. So instead of writing my own novel of numbskullery, I’m going to focus on the thirty seconds that utterly destroyed my social footing in English Eleven.

It was in my junior year of high school. The first semester had finally been put to death, leaving us weary students on the home stretch of the second and final semester. However, a shift in my schedule threw me into a new English class. It wasn’t all bad - I had heard that the teacher was alright and I knew my good friend Dominic was in the class, so I wasn’t too nervous. But there was one thing I had no idea I needed to fear - the class icebreaker.

We’ve all had them - those pointless little sessions where you state your name and some trivial fact about yourself that everyone’s going to forget within the hour. Well, rest assured, my 'little fact' was unforgettable. You see, rather than having us drawl about our hobbies, summer activities, et cetera, the teacher asked us to share a moment of embarrassing silliness from our respective pasts. This was totally fine with me - as I may have mentioned earlier I have an impressive collection of gaffes. So I passed the time bulking up my story, thinking of how I could augment my anecdote with a little bit of fine humor. I decided to introduce myself as Bill - after all, Bill is a silly name, and there’s nothing funnier than falsifying your identity, right?

Now, before we proceed, I have to ask a few questions:

1. Have you ever made a joke when you really shouldn’t have bothered?
2. Have you ever laughed at your own joke despite the fact that it really wasn’t funny at all?
3. Have you ever (while laughing at your own joke or otherwise) gotten fitful, uncontrollable giggles at the absolute worst possible time?

If you answered yes to any of the above, you can probably identify with my subsequent trauma. Yes, I introduced myself to the class as Bill. It was intended to be a little bit of humor, just for the fun of it. “Hello,” I said, “my name is Bill.”

As for what happened to my brain afterward, I have neither excuse nor explanation. The next few words should have been easy. “Just kidding” would have made it alright - an innocuous bit of pointless silliness. But neither those words nor any others deigned to pass my lips; I giggled a bit at my own joke, and this evil, evil giggle left my mind completely and utterly blank. This giggle got hold of every fiber of my being and refused to let go. I do not exaggerate here - never before or since that very moment has laughter caused me to tear up. It was only after I was red in the face, with at least half the class undoubtedly convinced I was a complete loon, that my new teacher excused me to the bathroom.

Needless to say, I didn’t get to finish my introduction to my new peers. However, my dear friend Dominic did me the kindness of finishing it for me. As I resumed my new seat, the tearstains of vicious laughter wiped from my crimson face, he locked eyes with me and whispered, his voice as quiet and as serious as the grave, “Hello. My name is Bill, and my most embarrassing moment is right now.”
Comments: This is actually really funny! Like with Tenacity's entry, its significantly longer than the others, and well written. Really the ending though (what your friend said), despite not exactly being part of the fail, is what was most funny.

Comatose: 122
72/100, 50/50
Entry: (PG Warning)
The events described are all real. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

So this story involves myself, and three other people. We shall call them Anna, Becky and Chris. I went to high school with all of them, but we all graduated and went our seperate ways. We are all mutual friends. Anna is my best friend. She is the daughter of a church pastor (guy who runs church) and is heavily religious. One of the most innocent people I know, and rarely ever responds to texts within that day. Becky is a mutual friend of Anna and I from school, and she doesn't have any details that are worth sharing for the story. Chris is also a mutual friend of Anna, Becky and I. He is an Egyptian fellow who currently goes to school with Anna.

A few months back when I was at TAFE (My school), one of our classes ended early, and the teacher got up on the projector 'Album Cover Fails'. Pretty self explanatory. Bands who did horrible album covers. There were a lot. One of them featured a guy who looked very much like Chris on the back of a Vespa with two other guys, pretty much bear hugging the one in front of him. The album was called 'At Play with the Play Mates' (The Play Mates is the band). Instantly I got a copy of it, and sent it to Anna, Becky and Chris. I get a response from Becky and Chris instantly who have a laugh but not Anna, though I am far from surprised. I chatted to Becky for a bit and I said to Becky "I also sent it to Anna. Though knowing her, I won't get a response for days.".

At least I thought I said that. Turns out Autocorrect on my phone had other ideas. Instead, it said:

"I also sent it to Anna. Though knowing her, I won't get a root for days."

To an American, it wouldn't be an issue, as you guys use the term root to describe cheering.

"We will be rooting for you tonight Johnny!"

However, to Australians like myself, and everyone else involved, rooting refers to doing the no-pants-dance.

So I basically said to Gossip-Girl Becky, that Anna, the heavily religious and innocent pastors daughter who has been with the same guy for the previous 3-4 years, wasn't going to do the no-pants-dance with me for days.

Anyway, I managed to correct myself quickly, and Becky and I laughed about it. I even told Anna a little while later, when references were made to the no-pants-dance (We are both Leaders at our Church's Youth Group. Since we are first year, we get the youngest kids, and one of them said her and I should have eight kids. Anna almost slapped me when I said "I wouldn't mind the process of that too much..." (We were both joking))...

Comments: Lol! I can't say that I have ever heard of that word being used like that before. Highly amusing. And the fact of who you were talking about in that text makes it even funnier!

Brettles: 128
78/100, 50/50
Entry:
Epic fail by the VCE coordinator.
Many years ago when I was a brand new teacher I witnessed a wonderful fail by our school's VCE coordinator. (VCE is senior school education here in Victoria, Australia. The VCE coordinator is responsible for senior student well being and discipline.)

Our school is located on top of a hill, and our senior students came up with the brilliant idea of freezing giant ice blocks in old ice cream containers to ride down the hill.

On the day of their planned ice ride they procured a video camera to film the action and took the giant ice cubes to the hill ready to slide Down.

This is where the VCE coordinator comes in. He saw what the students were about to do and came out yelling at them to stop being so irresponsible. The students did respond the way he wanted, but instead tried to convince to let the ride the ice down the hill.

The VCE coordinator got angry at their 'lack of respect' and decided to show his dominance. He picked up one of the blocks ice, raised it above his head and threw it to the ground to shatter it and intimidate the students into not pushing him any further. Unfortunately he decided to contain the mess by hurling the block of ice into garden bed. Hitting the soft soil, the block ice stayed in one piece.

Rather than being intimidated the students laughed and gave him suggestions for weight training.

The VCE coordinator was not amused, and was even less happy that the whole incident was caught on tape and circulated throughout the year.
Comments: That is actually really hilarious. And it was all caught on camera. That's great.

Voltaire Magneton: 70
35/100, 35/50
Entry:
So my classmates and I were watching a horror movie after doing some group activity. We decided over a horror movie. Basically, I'm actually oversensitive to horror movies. So when a jump scare appeared, I basically shrieked and screamed like a girl. Everyone laughed. The laughs still continued the next Monday.
Comments: I'm sorry, I didn't find it particularly funny. I'm sure it would have been funny to have been there at the time, but I just don't feel much when I read the story.

Shadow Tracker Max: 127
82/100, 45/50
Entry:
To start this story you should know that I am a 5'6" Mexican guy. You also need to understand that I have an irrational fear of heights. Back in the summer of 07 I was 24. Somehow I ended up meeting a girl on myspace! Her name was Becka and she was a pain in the a**. Becka was 18 and stood around 5'10". Im not sure how tall you are but never ever date someone taller ! For our first date we decided to go the labor day "Italian Fest". To start off the awful night she put her arm around my shoulder as we walked through the festival. She did that because she liked everyone seeing I was the shorter of the two. Part of being afraid of heights means that carnivals and theme parks are a nightmare! After being asked a couple of times I decided that I would try going on a ride just for her. I mean on a first date you shouldnt come off like a sissy. So I picked the least intimidating ride the ferris wheel....This ferris wheel wasnt very big so I thought how bad could this be. So the two of us got on what could have been a romantic ride and held hands as it started up. However as it slowly moved up I started to feel the sickness in my gut. As we reached the top the machine stopped and I started taking a deep breaths. When it stopped Becka realized I was terrified and she began to laugh. Then to make things worse because she was just a jerk she started to rock the cart we were in back and forth. This terrified me and a slide out of the seat onto the metal floor and wrapped my arms and legs are the center post.....On a first date i found msyself wrapped around a steel poll with my eyes closed and I stayed locked around that thing until we got off. Needless to say that was the last time we saw each other.
Comments: I got a good laugh out of reading that. I'm afraid of heights too.

Neo Emolga: 118
70/100, 48/50
Entry:
Now this is a story 'bout one night
that'll sit ya right down an' shed some light
'bout that one time my brain went all clunk
it's a little legend I call the Pizza Flunk

Now back in the days of our old past
Pete's tasty pizza made us jump up fast
But time passed on an' Pete's got bland
Time to scope some new joint out in the land!

So out with Pete's to get hooked on The Hut
Shovin' aside the same old rut!
It all seemed cool to eat such junk
But that's jus' the beginnin' of this 'ere Pizza Flunk

Months went by an' the Hut was okay
Got handed hot pizza an' they got the pay
So one night is when I took the fall
Orderin' up two larges an' I made the call

Dialin' in the number I got from the fridge now
One cheese an' sausage to go, that's how
Jumped in the car an' drove down to the Hut
Cruised through the door, straight to the cut

Grabbed my stuff but it seemed a bit odd
Me flashin' a smile an' givin' the nod
But I came on home an' cracked open the pie
The order was wrong, but didn't ask why

One cheese an' one mushroom seemed a bit off
Didn't occur to me my head had gone soft
Because when we were done Pete's came on the line
Wonderin' why the fudge I was takin' my time

Laughed an' told 'em I just got the dough
Dumb little me sure didn't know
That I gave Pete's the order but picked up the Hut
Eatin' some other homie's Hut order, that's what!

So remember kids to check when ya ring
Because ya don't want this tale under your wing
Take these words of wisdom from this old lunk
Beware of the fail known as the Pizza Flunk.
Comments: Gotta love when stuff like that happens. Bonus points for making a poem out of it.

The Hydra: 140
90/100, 50/50
Entry:
The Hydra has requested that his entry be kept private.
Comments: Brilliant. Your entry is an example of perfect failiure. And those little details you added in. "Waddled away like a scared walrus." Sometimes the way the story is told is just as funny as what actually happened. As requested, I have kept your entry private.

Final Results

And for our first place winner we have...

The Hydra!
With 140/150 points!


And for our next runner up...

Corey!
With 135/150 points!

I hope that everyone enjoyed Week I's theme. Check the main post later tonight for Week II's theme.


The-Hydra Corey Comatose Brettles Voltaire Magneton Shadow Tracker Max Neo Emolga Velocity Corey Tenacity Prince Vultan @Fawkes Soulmaster

[Dragon Master Mike]

ATTENTION.

I would like to request that all future entries be posted publicly. Entries that have been sent already this week by PM will not have to be resent, but in the future, entries by PM will not be accepted.

[Suicune's Fire]

Those were all brilliant. xD I wanted to enter but I couldn't think of anything. It's hard for me to get embarrassed generally so most embarrassing happenings roll off my back. xD

AND OH MY GOSH. BAD JOKES ARE DAD JOKES. I LOVE DAD JOKES. I'll certainly enter this time. c:


~SF.

[Voltaire Magneton]

This one's so original.


Username: Voltaire Magneton
Team: Trainer
Joke:
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Cake!
Cake who?
*sings* You shoot me down, but I won't fall; I am titanium
Where's the cake?
http://www.eyl.co.in/images/gifts/cake-blackforest.jpg

Spoiler applied for suspense.

[3m0d0ll]

Bad jokes? These are my specialty so this shouldn't be too hard. :D

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.


What did the buffalo say to his son leaving for college?
Bison.


Hey have you seen Ray Charles' new album?
No? Neither has he.

What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
An investigator.


Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ellen Book?
Ellen Book? Who're you?
Just come outside.
*opens door to go outside and sees 300 clones of Ellen Page*


Punchlines have been white-texted. Hope you enjoyed!

[Brettles]

Username: Brettles
Team: Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
Jokes:
First joke (Not for submission, because it's not my own, but still my favorite bad joke!)
Q: What do you get if you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?
A: About half way!

Now for my original joke that I tried out on my parents. (Needs to be done on your own parents).
Me: What do you get if you cross an idiot with a moron?
Parent (thinking they are funny): You.
Me: Yep, and my brothers!

[Suicune's Fire]

What did the buffalo say to his son leaving for college?
Bison.


What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
An investigator.

BAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAH I LAUGHED OUT LOUD AT THESE OH MY. 10/10 WOULD READ AGAIN.


Okay. So Dad jokes. I dunno if it's an Australian thing or what, but even Australian people have been like "what's a dad joke?" (mind you, I practically screamed at them in disbelief and then fainted) so here's a definition:


dad jokes
Web definitions

(dad joke) A lame, embarassing or unfunny joke told by someone's father

Doesn't have to be told by a father but basically it's a super lame joke. So here's my entry:

Username: Suicune's Fire
Team: Team Aqua
Jokes:
(I didn't make up this one but ermahlerd. When I first heard it, I could not stop laughing. For days. Every time I thought about it, I would burst into laughter.)

A proud new dad sits down to have a drink with his father.

"Well, son, now that you've got a kid of your own, I think it's time to give you this..."

"Dad, you don't mean--"

"Yes, son, I do." The father pulls out a copy of 1001 Dad Jokes, 5th Edition.

"Dad...I'm honoured..." the new dad says, tears sparkling in his eyes.

"Hi, Honoured," replies his father, "I'm Dad."


XD Now for some jokes I made up myself:

What do you call a houndour who just ate a lemon?
A Houndsour!

Why did the gardevoir stop using her hair straightener?
Because she wanted her hair to be kirlia!

This was a conversation/joke:

Brother, about a cupcake his partner made: "...What's in these?"
Me: "Walnuts."
Partner: "Peanuts."
Me: "Really? ...Why did I think it was walnuts? Maybe I don't like the floor enough..."
Brother: "...

...

..."
Me: "...Wall-nuts?"
Brother: "...

*facepalm*"



If I had to choose one, it would be the gardevoir one. xD

[Tenacity]

Why did the gardevoir stop using her hair straightener?
Because she wanted her hair to be kirlia!

This is brilliant. xD

This theme reminds me of the bad joke eel meme. I'm going to make one!

[Suicune's Fire]

This is brilliant. xD

This theme reminds me of the bad joke eel meme. I'm going to make one!

Thank you! XD Maybe I should change that the joke I want to enter. I always thought it was pretty brilliant myself. ;D I don't know if I remember the eel meme. xD Very well, at least. OKAY!


~SF.

[Tenacity]

Thank you! XD Maybe I should change that the joke I want to enter. I always thought it was pretty brilliant myself. ;D I don't know if I remember the eel meme. xD Very well, at least. OKAY!


~SF.

Here's an example. ;D (Note to DM; this isn't my entry. :P)

http://imgace.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/wanna-hear-a-joke-about-paper-never-mind-it-is-tearable.jpg

[XaiakuX]

There were three tomatoes that decided to go on a walk. A daddy tomato, a mommy tomato, and a baby tomato. During the walk the baby tomato started falling behind, so the daddy tomato fell back, squashed the baby tomato and said, "Catch up."

Get it? ;D

I'm not good with bad jokes.

Xanthe should definitely win with those original Pokémon jokes. They're pretty awful. <3

I've got several adult humor Pokémon jokes, but I won't post them.

However I will post this:

This joke is pretty... adult.
I'm serious, if you're offended by this, don't blame me.
Alright, then. Don't say I didn't warn you.
I poo'd a little.

This one always get's people:


You wanna hear a bad joke?
Your life.


So I just came back from Team Yoga Bears' thread. Their banter was just unBEARable.

Someone shoot me, please.


I just flew in from Bangkok, and I'm pretty butthurt.

[[Desolate Divine]]

This one is a teeny bit inappropriate, but bad and a pisser none the less. Read at your own peril...

So I heard MTV finally decided to cancel Teen Mom. At least they knew when to pull out...


Now for some horrible unoriginal ones.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't matter, it's not like he will come anyway...

A man walks into a bar. You think he would have seen it.

A man walks onto a bus with carrots in his ears. The bus driver says "Sir! Why do you have carrots in your ears?". The man says "Sorry, I cant hear you! I got carrots in my ears!"

[ayotui]

what animal doesnt like rollercosters?

the antiloope

edit: im in team yoga bears btw

[Fawkes.]

are we just allowed to post as many as we want or what???

[Neo Emolga]

For shiz and giggles.

The sun was out over Broken Bow, Nebraska, but it was far from a beautiful day. In fact, that sleepy, little town in the middle of nowhere had just met up with the local zombie apocalypse. And John had just become a zombie.

"Uhh, guuuys... huuuuhhh," John moaned, joining the other shambling zombies around him.

"Grrr.... uhhh," Sally the zombie replied.

"Nuuh... neeeed... ... uhhhhnnn... meeeeat...." Another replied.

And they all kept shambling toward the few remaining human survivors that were left. While the humans were screaming and fleeing for their lives, John shambled alongside the other zombies, but there was something pecking at the remnants of his mind.

"Yeeaah... uhhh... got... uuuhhhh questiuhhn," John aksed. "Yeahhhuuhh-"

"Uhhhhh!" One of the others moaned, interrupting him.

"Brraains!" Another shouted.

"Uhhh, I was.... uhhh.... wondering about-"

"Nnnuuhhhh! Huuumaaansss..."

And they still kept on chasing after the human survivors. Of course John followed, not sure if it was for the human flesh he wanted, or just to figure out what was on his mind.

"Errruuuuhh..." Another moaned.

"Hhhuumansss... hhhunnngry... uuhhhh..."

"Aboutuh... that... uhhh... questionuhhh...?" John asked.

"Oh, what the hell is it already?" Sally the zombie asked him.

...

"How come zombies never eat each other?" John asked.

And then they all just looked at him strangely.

And a few bonus ones.

Q: What did one angel say to the other angel?
A: Hey-lo!

Q: What happened when they plucked Mr. Cluckster's feathers away?
A: He gave them the chicken fingers.

Q: What likes to go in hot but then come out loud?
A: A spicy burrito.

Q: A naked guy and a prostitute are in a car. Who's driving?
A: The cops.

[Pokemon Trainer Sarah]

What did Ash say when his Chikorita evolved?

"Wow, I can't bayleef it!"

*hangs head in shame*

[Dragon Master Mike]

are we just allowed to post as many as we want or what???

You aren't going to get bonus points for putting more, but if you want to put a few, you can feel free. Your score will reflect my opinion on all of the jokes. If you have one joke that you think is better than all the others though, I would recommend just going with that joke.

[Tenacity]

Username: Tenacity
Team: Team Trainer
Jokes: Inbound (all made by yours truly):

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/500x/52732257.jpg

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/500x/52732512.jpg

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/500x/52732560.jpg

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/500x/52732602.jpg

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/500x/52732688.jpg

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/500x/52732410.jpg

And a Pokemon-related joke for all you Poke-fans out there:

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/500x/52732744.jpg

[Suicune's Fire]

Here's an example. ;D (Note to DM; this isn't my entry. :P)

http://imgace.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/wanna-hear-a-joke-about-paper-never-mind-it-is-tearable.jpg

LOL I like that one. xD It's great! That eel must definitely be a dad.

[Dragon Master Mike]

PLEASE NOTE: A couple of entries were made before I announced that entries are to be sent publicly. I HAVE NOT made them resend their entries, therefore you will not find them on this thread.



http://i58.tinypic.com/6ye176.png

Week I Scores

SLC: 180
80/100, 50/50, 50/50
Entry:

Here we go.


When the policeman saw me put a box of kittens out on the street, he told me off for littering.

11/10 am i rite

(Yoga Bears)
Comments: Amazing. I laughed very hard after reading this. And googling the joke, I can't find anything even vaguely similar.

Prince Vultan: 180
80/100, 50/50, 50/50
Entry:

I don't get why Germany are so excited for the 2018 World Cup, have they not read in the history books what happens when they try to invade Russia?

Comments: I love this one. It's so bad, but that's the point of this week's theme!

3m0d0ll: 145
70/100, 50/50, 25/50
Entry (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?3918-WAR-Humor&p=98674&viewfull=1#post98674)
Comments: The cow joke and the buffalo joke were really funny. The alligator joke was pretty good two. I didn't find the other two very funny though. Also, I've heard the buffalo joke a million times, and i've heard the alligator joke a few times, so you lost originality points for that. The Cow joke i've never heard, but was able to find it online, so you took a small hit to originality for that. The other two seemed to be more original, but i didn't find them very funny.

Brettles: 165
65/100, 50/50, 50/50
Entry (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?3918-WAR-Humor&p=98679&viewfull=1#post98679)
Comments: That was pretty funny. Nice joke.

Suicune's Fire: 184
92/100, 50/50, 42/50
Entry (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?3918-WAR-Humor&p=98705&viewfull=1#post98705)
Comments: Your first joke was one of my favorite from the whole contest. You took a hit to originality though because although i've never heard it, I found it a million times on Google. It was great though. As for your other jokes, the houndsour one is pretty good. The Kirlia one, which you said was your main one, was pretty funny too, but I still think the first was the best. The last one was amusing too.

XaiakuX: 140
65/100, 40/50, 40/50
Entry (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?3918-WAR-Humor&p=98954&viewfull=1#post98954)
Comments: Honestly, I only particularly cared for the team yoga bears one. Half of them I either didn't get or just thought they were a bit too bad. The team yoga bears one was pretty funny. The your life one is always a bit amusing, but is one of the least original jokes you could have picked.

Voltaire Magneton: 105
10/100, 50/50, 50/50
Entry (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?3918-WAR-Humor&p=98661&viewfull=1#post98661)

Comments: Well. You certainly got the originality part right. That's all the good I have to say about it though. No offense of course, but it doesn't make any sense, and isn't really funny.

Comatose: 166
81/100, 50/50, 40/50
Entry (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?3918-WAR-Humor&p=98972&viewfull=1#post98972)
Comments: Those were all really bad! And of course, in this contest, bad is good! The first one was the best, and was original. You lost some originality score for the next three jokes though, even though they were funny.

Ayotui: 160
60/100, 50/50, 50/50
Entry (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?3918-WAR-Humor&p=98976&viewfull=1#post98976)
Comments: Not bad! It was amusing, and the joke was original for sure.

Neo Emolga: 158
65/100, 48/50, 45/50
Entry (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?3918-WAR-Humor&p=98985&viewfull=1#post98985)
Comments: The first one i'm not too sure about. I honestly didn't find it particularly funny. As for the four other jokes, the angel one i found on Google, but it was funny. I didn't particularly care for the chicken and burrito one though. The last one Was great though. It sounded more like a trick question than a joke, but it was still great.

Pokemon Trainer Sarah: 172
72/100, 50/50, 50/50
Entry (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?3918-WAR-Humor&p=98987&viewfull=1#post98987)
Comments: Funny! Fits the theme perfectly, and it's original.

Tenacity: 195
95/100, 50/50, 50/50
Entry (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?3918-WAR-Humor&p=99088&viewfull=1#post99088)
Comments: Hilarious. Amazing. Perfect. It's just.... I don't even have words. You not only made amazing jokes, but got a meme to go with them. That eel pic is amazing.

Final Results

And for our first place winner we have...

Tenacity!
Of Team Trainer
With 195/200 Points!


And for our next runner up...

Suicune's Fire
Of Team Aqua
With 184/200 points!

I hope that everyone enjoyed Week II's theme. Check the main post later tonight for Week III's theme.


Tenacity Suicune's Fire Pokemon Trainer Sarah Neo Emolga ayotui Comatose XaiakuX Voltaire Magneton Suicune's Fire Brettles 3m0d0ll Prince Vultan SLC

[Tenacity]

http://www.quickmeme.com/img/58/584920ebbd017e9a3224bae218b28afe564463c0ee2eff4f09 dc6a8f8359f533.jpg

[Suicune's Fire]

LOL TENACITY I DIDN'T SEE YOURS TILL NOW BUT THEY'RE WONDERFUL. My favourites are the robber one and the fisherman one. xD Brilliant.

[PV]

The Lord's Pokemon

Our Farfetch'd who art in Archen
Swellow be thy name
Thy Kingdra come, thy will be done
On Kalos as it is in Archen
Give us this day our daily Braixen
And forgive us our Nosepasses
As we forgive those who Nosepass against us
And lead us not into Blaziken
But deliver us from Weavile

Aron

[Synthesis]

I Present to you, the hit single by Riley Cyrus, Repeat Ball!



"Repeat Ball"

Metal clawed, we chained our hearts Ingrain
High Jumped never Seaking why
Sweet kissed, I Fell under your Spell (Tag)
Luv(disc) no one Gol-deeny

Don't you ever say I just (Poke)walked away
I Will o-ways Wisp you
I can't live Glalie, running for Leech Life
I Will o-ways Wisp you

I came in like a Repeat Ball
I never hit so hard in Luv(disc)
All I wanted was to Break your Bricks
All you ever did was Rock Wreck me
Yeah, you, you Rock Wreck me

I Battle you up in the Sky
And now, you're not Crashing down
It Topsy Turned, you let me Burn
And now, we're Ash-es on the Ground

Don't you ever say I Dust-ox-ed away
I Will o-ways Wisp you
I can't live a lie, running for Leech Life
I Will o-ways Wisp you

I came in like a Repeat Ball

I never meant to Start a war
I just wanted you to Led-i-an
And instead of using Force (Palm)
I guess I should've let Os-win
I never meant to Start a war
I just wanted you to Led-i-an
I guess I should've let Os-win

I came in like a Repeat Ball
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and Sing
Left Heat Crashing in a Blaze-ing fall
All you ever did was Rock Wreck me
Yeah, you, you Rock Wreck me

[SLC]

The Yoga Bear's triple headed dragon is now complete. Themed around the greatest team!!


I Have Excellent Posture
A parody of I'm Sexy and I Know It by LMFAO (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyx6JDQCslE)

As I touch my nose, girls be looking at my new pose
I breathe to the beat,
Raising my arms, standing on my feet, yeah
Now this pose ain't done, I'm about to salute the sun,
SLC with the parody beats
It's like Yogi Bear at the club, yo

Girl look at that body
Girl look at that body
Girl look at that body

I stretch out

Girl look at that body
Girl look at that body
Girl look at that body

I stretch out

When I raise my leg high, this is what they see
Everybody stops and they're staring at me
Making sure my form is proper
Got this advice from my doctor (doctor, doctor, doctor)

I have excellent posture
I have excellent posture

When I'm in the forests, my expert moves attract the tourists
And when I'm in the jungle, I do my best not to take a tumble
This is how I roll, a healthy lifestyle is my goal
Girl it's not too hard, baby don't be nervous
No prior practice, but it's not a burden

Girl look at that body
Girl look at that body
Girl look at that body

I stretch out

Girl look at that body
Girl look at that body
Girl look at that body

I stretch out

When I raise my leg high, this is what they see
Everybody stops and they're staring at me
Making sure my form is proper
Got this advice from my doctor (doctor, doctor, doctor)

I have excellent posture
I have excellent posture

Check it out, check it out

Yoga, yoga, yoga, yoga, yoga, yeah
Yoga, yoga, yoga, yoga, yoga, yeah
Yoga, yoga, yoga, yoga, yoga, yeah
Yoga, yoga, yoga, yoga, yoga, yeah

Do the yoga pose
Do the yoga pose

I have excellent posture

Girl look at that body
Girl look at that body
Girl look at that body

I stretch out

Girl look at that body
Girl look at that body
Girl look at that body

I stretch out

I have excellent posture

[Brettles]

Username: Brettles
Team: Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
Submission:



Poke-Wars
A New Hope

It is a period of civil war.
Aqua sailships, striking
from a hidden base, have won
their first victory against
the evil Magma Empire.

During the battle, Aqua
spies managed to steal secret
plans to Magma’s
ultimate weapon, the DEATH
GROUDON, an armored Earth Pokémon
with enough power
to destroy an entire region.

Pursued by Magma’s
sinister agents, Princess
Shelly races home aboard her
sailship, custodian of the
stolen plans that can save her
people and restore
freedom to Hoenn....

[Neo Emolga]

http://img2-3.timeinc.net/people/i/2014/news/140616/slenderman-02-600.jpg

Slender Man
Parody of Elton John's "Rocket Man (I Think It's Going to be a Long Long Time)" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCf23ZTFaDM)

Got my suit on, all black and white
No face, way I am
For there's gonna be fri-i-ight when I'm seen again
All these rumors here, but it's just my life
Tentacles out of place
It's such a cri-i-meless fright

And the people feel like it's a big big crime
It seems the fear just always creeps their mind
I'm just too thin but always like to roam
No oh oh oh
I'm the Slender Man
Slender Man, waiting out in the dark alone

And the people feel like it's a big big crime
It seems the fear just always creeps their mind
I'm just too thin but always like to roam
No oh oh oh
I'm the Slender Man
Slender Man, waiting out in the dark alone

http://i.imgur.com/YcWmAaB.png

I approach the children, they flip their lids
Just want to wish them well
Guess it's hard to believe I was once a kid
And all this panic, can't they understand?
Don't they like a game of hide and seek?
The Slender Man, the Slender Man

And the people feel like it's a big big crime
It seems the fear just always creeps their mind
I'm just too thin but always like to roam
No oh oh oh
I'm the Slender Man
Slender Man, waiting out in the dark alone

And the people feel like it's a big big crime
It seems the fear just always creeps their mind
I'm just too thin but always like to roam
No oh oh oh
I'm the Slender Man
Slender Man, waiting out in the dark alone

And the people feel like it's a big big crime
And the people feel like it's a big big crime
Why do they all feel like it's a big big crime
Why do they all feel like it's a big big crime
And the people feel like it's a big big crime
And the people feel like it's a big big crime
And the people feel like it's a big big crime
And the people feel like it's a big big crime

[XaiakuX]

I present Lord Voldemort's adaptation of "Abracadabra" by the Steve Miller Band:


I stepped up, I can't stop now
It's got me killin'
Get down on the ground
'Round and 'round and 'round we go
Will I stop? Nobody knows

Every time you call my name
I heat up like a burnin' flame
I'm immortal, I won't expire
You know the spell, now point and fire

Avada Avada Kedavra
I want to shout out and kill ya
Avada Avada Kedavra
Avada Kedavra

I make it hot, you start to cry
You make me laugh, your life is mine
Keep me searchin' for your purge
With the touch of the killing curse

Avada Avada Kedavra
I want to shout out and kill ya
Ava-da Kedav-ra
Avada Kedavra

I feel love magic, invade your space
I feel magic when I kill the fodder
blood and murder, death and disgrace
Black mark resting on harry potter

You have your mother's eyes
I hear the magic in your cries
Just when you think you'll get away
You hear those words I love to say

Ava-da Kedav-ra
I want to shout out and kill ya
Avada Avada Kedavra
Avada Kedavra

Every time you call my name
I heat up like a burnin' flame
I'm immortal, I won't expire.
You know the spell, now point and fire.

I stepped up, I can't stop now.
My killing curse puts muggle-borns down.
I stepped up, I can't stop now.
My killing curse puts Potter's friends down.
I messed up, I can't stop now.
My killing curse puts me under ground.

[Soulmaster]

crap, where's that Ditto and Nosepass I was going to do...(Fellz ;P)

Finally found this, old joke ever on BMGf, if you doubt that I was the one that did it you can check my blog over there. I also had another one, but I think this one was better, it flows much better than my other one. Oh, and original, Hakuna Matata (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abjAqvdGZgM)

Kakuna Matata
Kakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase

Kakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze

It means no Weedle for the rest of your days

It's our Pidgey-free philosophy

Kakuna Matata!

Kakuna Matata?

Yeah. It's our motto!

What's a motto?

Nothing. What's a-motto with you?

Those two words will solve all your problems

That's right. Take Pumbaa here
Why, when he was a young Emboar...

When I was a young Emboar

Very nice

Thanks

He found his aroma lacked a certain appeal
He could clear the savannah after every meal

I'm a sensitive soul though I seem thick-skinned
And it hurt that my friends never stood downwind
And oh, the shame He was ashamed
Thought of changin' my name What's in a name?
And I got downhearted How did ya feel?
Everytime that I...

Hey! Pumbaa! Not in front of the kids!
Oh. Sorry

Kakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase
Kakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze

It means no Weedle for the rest of your days

It's our Pidgey-free philosophy
Kakuna Matata!
Kakuna Matata! Kakuna matata!
Kakuna Matata! Kakuna matata!
Kakuna Matata! Kakuna matata!
Kakuna Matata! Kakuna--

It means no Weedle for the rest of your days

It's our Pidgey-free philosophy
Kakuna Matata!

(Repeats)

I say "Kakuna"

I say "Matata"

[Saraibre Ryu]

From the writer of 'Do You Want to Raid a Dungeon', comes that other obligatory parody song you'll actually get to read the lyrics to:


"Let it Load", a parody of "Let it Go". (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moSFlvxnbgk)

The modem’s flashing little green lights
No more people, it’s just me
Just me and my computer
I use Chrome, not that I.E.

However something’s wrong, my browser won’t respo-ond
My connection’s fine
Or maybe it’s not…

I just want to
Watch videos
On YouTube, or play some MMO’s
Come on turn on
Can’t play like this
Can’t play like this…

Let it load, let it load
Won’t render this anymore
Let it load, let it load
This server’s froze fo-or sure

Dammit all
Can’t you work today?
Now I must reset…
The frame rate was killing me anyway

It always seems to cut out
Just before I hit reply
Or maybe I can host this match
Don’t disconnect-… oh why?

Technology, just make it start
Don’t keep me and my good friends apart
They’re all online
They wait for me
So please

Let it load, let it load
The game’s moving so slo-ow
Let it load, let it load
My internet says no-o

Curse all you limited plans
Why can’t you just work?

I don’t want to perform percussive maintenance (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Percussive%20Maintenance)
I should have at least given Fibre Optics a fair chance
That loading bar hasn’t moved in twenty minutes
I swear that dial-up is much faster than this!

Let it load, let it load
My bars just came and we-ent
Let it load, let it load
My night is almost spent

I can’t take
This B.S. today
Gonna shut this off…
The frame rate was killing me any-*zzzt*

[Dragon Master Mike]

http://i58.tinypic.com/6ye176.png

Week III Scores

Prince Vultan: 189
89/100, 50/50, 50/50
Entry: (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?3918-WAR-Humor&p=99396&viewfull=1#post99396)

Comments: This is brilliant. It was the first entry, but I love it. I got a huge laugh out of it.

Synthesis:170
70/100, 50/50, 50/50
Entry (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?3918-WAR-Humor&p=99434&viewfull=1#post99434)
Comments: Pretty amusing! I feel it could have been a bit funnier though. I think it would have been better if you left the parenthesis out, but that's just my opinion.

SLC: 160
60/100, 50/50, 50/50
Entry (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?3918-WAR-Humor&p=99437&viewfull=1#post99437)
Comments: Its well written, but I don't think that it's overly funny. There are several parts that i got a good laugh out of though. The first and third verses were both pretty funny.

Brettles: 165
80/100, 50/50, 50/50
Entry (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?3918-WAR-Humor&p=99528&viewfull=1#post99528)
Comments: Very Nice! It was very funny. I feel that just saying "The GROUDON" Would have sounded better than "The DEATH GROUDON" Though.

Neo Emolga: 190
90/100, 50/50 50/50
Entry (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?3918-WAR-Humor&p=99640&viewfull=1#post99640)
Comments: I'm not sure if "Very Funny" Would be the words i'd use to describe this, but "Very Good" would for sure. It's extremely well written, And I found it entertaining to read. The only reason I didn't give you an even higher score is because It didn't have me laughing like some of the other entries did, and the goal is to be funny, not just entertaining. Still though, very good.

XaiakuX: 185
85/100, 50/50, 50/50
Entry (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?3918-WAR-Humor&p=99648&viewfull=1#post99648)
Comments: Very good! Its written well, and its fairly humorous. I like something about the things that people who have seen/read Harry Potter would recognize (Such as what "Avada Kedavra" even is).

soulmaster: 150
70/100, 50/50, 30/50
Entry (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?3918-WAR-Humor&p=99700&viewfull=1#post99700)

Comments: I liked it, but I have some issues with it. Its just too similar to the original. The chorus you changed a lot, and some other lines, but there's a huge chunk of the song right in the middle that's not changed at all. The parts you did change are pretty good though.

Saraibre Ryu: 192
92/100, 50/50, 50/50
Entry (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?3918-WAR-Humor&p=99722&viewfull=1#post99722)
Comments: I give you two three up. Two thumbs from me and one from... Actually, I don't even know. Well, anyway, It's very well written. The "Purcussive Maintenance" Part was pretty funny, and I loved the ending.

Final Results

And for our first place winner we have...

Saraibre Ryu
Of Team Awesome
With 192/200 Points!


And for our next runner up...

Neo Emolga
Of Team Aqua
With 190/200 points!

I hope that everyone enjoyed Week III's theme. Check the main post later tonight for Week IV's theme.


Prince Vultan Synthesis SLC Brettles Neo Emolga XaiakuX Soulmaster Saraibre Ryu

[PV]

I got my hopes up for a minute cause you scored me as 195 but it adds up to 189 ;_;

[Dragon Master Mike]

I got my hopes up for a minute cause you scored me as 195 but it adds up to 189 ;_;

I'm so sorry about that. I fixed it.

[PV]

http://s15.postimg.org/lulgadfjf/WAR4.png

[Brettles]

Username: Brettles
WAR Team: Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
Meme:

http://i61.tinypic.com/33ortdz.jpg

[Neo Emolga]

http://i.imgur.com/xdt6ajB.png

http://imgur.com/LbV4KAB.png

http://imgur.com/3ZOsDkP.png

http://imgur.com/K0g4EBA.png

http://imgur.com/miX9I8r.png

http://imgur.com/X5eBO8K.png

http://imgur.com/LjoxwIn.png

http://imgur.com/UOYIVDD.png

[Dragon Master Mike]

http://i58.tinypic.com/6ye176.png

Week IV Scores

Prince Vultan: 200
100/100, 50/50, 50/50
Entry (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?3918-WAR-Humor&p=100318&viewfull=1#post100318)
Comments: Prince vultan: This is literally perfect. I read this three times, and each time laughed as hard as I did the first. And not just laughed as in thought it was funny, I actually laughed out loud. All three times. Great work.

Brettles: 159
65/100, 50/50, 44/50
Entry (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?3918-WAR-Humor&p=100491&viewfull=1#post100491)
Comments: Not bad. I find it mildly humorous, but it could be funnier. Also, because it's just a single ordinary meme, you took a small hit to originality too.

Neo Emolga: 165
70/100, 45/50, 50/50
Entry (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?3918-WAR-Humor&p=100537&viewfull=1#post100537)
Comments: That's a lot of birds. I particularly liked the Monday bird, the sixty branches one, and the stealth mode one.

Final Results

And for our first place winner we have...

Prince Vultan!
Of Team Yoga Bears!
With 200/200 Points!


And for our next runner up...

Neo Emolga!
Of Team Aqua!
With 165/200 points!

I hope that everyone enjoyed Week IV's theme. Check the main post later tonight for Week V's theme.


Prince Vultan Brettles Neo Emolga

[XaiakuX]

http://s15.postimg.org/lulgadfjf/WAR4.png

I'd be better with it if you spelled my username right. <3

[Neo Emolga]

My Absolutely Ridiculous Dream Journal

Preface:
I got interested in lucid dreaming a few years back, and one of the things it requires you to do is to keep a dream journal so you remember what happened in your dreams. This helps you pinpoint the unusual things that happen and it helps you remember them. Eventually you will get to the point where you can easily realize "hey, I'm dreaming" when you see these reoccurring things in your dreams and that will in turn let you be the god of your own dreams with time and experience as you eventually get to take control of them. You go from being lead actor to director. Cool idea, huh? I decided I HAD to try that out.

My attempt royally failed (waking up at odd hours to write dream stuff down really wasn't working out and I had problems getting back to sleep to go to work the next day), but I did get a wealth of stupid and ridiculous dreams written down. Please note, these dreams really did happen, and they're pretty moronic on epic levels. Trust me, this isn't the kind of stuff I could just make up by myself. I will openly admit, my dreams are leagues more ridiculous than even Alice in Wonderland. Normally, I wouldn't even DARE sharing this with other people (I've been tempted to just destroy this thing to prevent it from ever being found), but... what the heck, this is the Humor thread after all and the theme is ANYTHING, right? So why not now?

Just try not to die of laughter. You can only imagine what it was like to actually be there dreaming and experiencing this stuff.

THE ARENA FIGHT

It all first started with a rectangular-shaped area that looked like a massive school gym where a huge audience was watching some muscular Asian Rambo-like dude try to make his way across a tightrope, but he falls at just the very end. See, the problem was he was trying to get across using his hands, but yeah, that sure didn't work out.

Next, a huge amount of the watching audience is called into the arena to engage in a total free for all, and they use just about anything handed to them. A few people expected this to happen from the start and were ready with their own weapons (near-lethal), some magical power, and costumes, but most of us had no idea this was going to happen and we were totally taken by surprise. At first, everything was totally frantic with people chaotically fighting until it was down to me and some small, black-haired Asian girl after everyone else had been eliminated.

Before trying to take her out, I used some magical ability to suddenly sprout glowing green angel-like wings that no one knew about except for me, and even I wasn't sure this spell would work in the first place or if it would just make me look like an idiot. I tried it and it actually DOES work, but as I'm flying, I move really quickly and I constantly have to fly all over the place, turning and swerving to avoid crashing into the walls. I eventually get used to flying with these wings, so I try to swoop down and strike her, but she kept moving around and it was hard for me to hit her. The few times I make the shot, I use those two Jupiter of the Monkey pins from The World Ends With You, the E one (with the slashing ability) and the Muramasa one (that one that has an uppercut attack). After short and powerful strikes, I take flight again, and the Asian girl seems defenseless. The fight carries on for over an hour with neither of us giving up while the audience gets bored. At one point, she tries using some discarded plastic keg container to try and bring me down, but it doesn't work and I use it against her instead, and this time it hits her but only has a minimal effect (of course). After a long fight, some judge, an older woman who looks a lot like a typical grade school teacher, declares the battle to be a draw and the dream ends.

COMMENTS: We definitely need more events like this.

MY SISTER'S NEW GUINEA PIG

Dreamed my sister got a new cream-colored guinea pig in the time I was out doing something else while everyone else had been waiting in the car. He seems fine in the car, but then we bring him inside a restaurant, he gets antsy, goes under the table, and we struggle to keep him from running away all over the place.

COMMENTS: I guess we forgot to buy an actual cage for the rodent.

THE SHAFT

So, I'm getting in an elevator with another mother and her two children. I realize by looking through the gap between the elevator and the door, we are at least several stories up. Meanwhile, the gap is at least a foot and a half wide from the doors, which causes a problem for the two kids considering they're small enough to fall through there. They're afraid to jump across the gap to get into the elevator, but the mother just doesn't care and refuses to help them.

COMMENTS: So when they grow up to be rebellious, beer-guzzling goths later on in life, mama should know where she went wrong.

ODD SUPERMARKET SHOPPING

I was going supermarket shopping with my brother and a few of his friends. Everyone goes in and just grabs their own shopping cart while the line to get in is chaotically zig-zagging by the front door. We skip past the line and I get in first and order cheese, but since I don't really know what cheese the rest of the family wants, I just order whatever seems good. I also pay in cash. I also quickly realize each area of the supermarket has their station stalls, kind of like a farmer's market. One section with salad dressings and other condiments seems oddly shaped ends up being laid out like the backyard at our house. Also, I was wearing a Little Mermaid backpack that my brother's friend and I were joking about earlier, but I simply told him I had "just gotten it for free" and then I showed him the black one I usually use.

COMMENTS: Yeah, something about pride being on the line because a Little Mermaid backpack just isn't as MANLY as a big, black one.

DID IT REALLY HAPPEN?

Our family was at the dinner table and my mom and my sister were attacked from behind by some black blur. At one point they seem dead, but later on in the dream, they were totally fine as if nothing ever happened. They even try to help me pin down the attacker...

...which somehow leads to me being escorted to some large airplane hangar/warehouse place where they're storing very large and overstuffed Pokémon plush toys, including a giant Lugia one.

COMMENTS: Yeah, I think I took a wrong turn somewhere along the line.

DARK HOMESTEAD

Now I'm on some strange island where there is a small, somewhat innocent-looking house and a square gazebo. A group of wizards and myself are waiting for someone or something to arrive at shore, I wasn't even sure what, but strange creatures and abominations keep trying to emerge from the house. Most of them seem impervious to our magic spells, but we're able to keep pushing them back into the house. Once most of them get pushed back in, we keep them contained for a bit longer by using our magic to put wood and other barricades over the windows and doors. But soon enough, they're strong enough to push them away and break through, but we're at least buying time.

We decide to just flat out destroy the house, but it's just not possible even after we've tried launching fireballs and other similar spells of destruction at it. Some time passes and we manage to temporarily focus our attention elsewhere after we believe we managed to seal up the house for good. However, I discover a large group of zombies have broken out and have already started spreading all over the island. I then attempt to push them back in, although it seems like I really have my work cut out for me.

COMMENTS: It's the Walking Dead/Survivor/Harry Potter crossover!

THE COMPOUND ISLAND

So I'm dreaming I'm on another island, having a few of the same magic powers from other dream. The island is much bigger this time, and has several large compounds that seem to be heavily guarded. While I'm here, I'm also on some quest to obtain Hummingbird Potion, although I have no idea why I need it or why I'm even trying to get it in the first place. All I know is that it gives whoever guzzles this stuff down the ability to fly really crazy fast at crazy extreme speeds. And the dream ends like that, extremely unclimatically.

COMMENTS: I sure love my energy drinks, don't I?

BATTLEFIELD BAD COMPANY 3: THE DISAPPOINTMENT

I'm now in this warehouse and storage area that has become one of the multiplayer maps in Battlefield Bad Company 2, but instead of guns, we're using cans of spray paint that seem to shoot really long distances. I was able to get the drop on people who were just camping around, but at one point, they added a bunch of civilians to the game that were just standing around and weren't doing anything at all.

COMMENTS: See, this is why we still need first person shooter games to be rated M for Mature.

IRISH RENAISSANCE FAIRE

So, I'm now at this major festival that plays out like a really huge Renaissance Faire and everyone is wearing colorful costumes. I'm with a group of people that have Irish accents, and for the time being, I try to fake one just to fit in. Meanwhile, all of us in this group are wearing very soft green and white clothing. At one point, I get some kind of varsity lettering added to the back of my costume, but I forget what exactly they were spelling out. Besides that, the costume also came with a large, soft, rounded hat but had a few flaps on the ears and back.

We then start to head toward an eating area where several other groups were gathering, all wearing similar costumes to ours, just different colors and with other small variances. On the way there, I see many desserts and pastries prepared and presented along with other ornamental pieces depicting fantasy creatures such as fairies, mermaids, and so on. I also break out into song, singing something in another language.

On the way there, I suddenly realize this is a dream (oh, only just now!?) and the temptation to manipulate the heck out of it comes to mind, but I actually decide that despite the dream being idiotic and crazy, it still seems fun and I just decide to roll along with it for now. But there was still this weird, tugging sensation when I realized things were starting to change a bit according to my weird desires. But I stopped because I was also afraid people in the dream might become suspicious.

I then realize I totally skipped ahead of the rest of my Irish friends I was with and I was totally alone, singing to myself. I headed back to find them again and I realize they're sitting down at the eating area without me, already cutting up and serving some purple-colored cake. The portions being served among the group are totally off with some people obviously having way bigger pieces than other people. But hey, I at least get a nice, average sized piece to enjoy before the dream ends.

COMMENTS: I need to figure out what I ate prior to that night and never, never eat it again.

THE ORDER PROTECTION

So now I'm part of the Order of the Phoenix from Harry Potter. The only issue with this dream is that nothing much has happened and they're reusing the same set from the Compound Island dream that I had the other night. Oh, and there weren't any battles either.

COMMENTS: See, I would have totally walked out on that movie if it was like this.

TROPICAL ISLAND OF WEIRDNESS

Now I'm on yet another island where my brother and I are taking some accounting exam from some young, bearded professor who warns us that there might be a little trigonometry on it as well. Afterwards, my brother and I, along with several other guys that were taking this exam, all go for a swim at the beach during the night. And then a short while later, we end up back at some hotel room.

Some kind of show goes on later with the theme of Martians and aliens invading the island, but the whole thing ends up being really cheesy and stupid, and I make the comment of feeling like I'm "just a supporting character in a crappy movie" when they try to make the show have audience interaction. Despite all the special effects of a made-up Mars blocking out the light of the moon and giant animatronic aliens, we roll our eyes at the big budget epic fail of a show and just leave to go grab dinner.

My whole family is there at this resort-like place, and the multiple restaurants look like they're based off of that Paradise Island city-building game I used to have for my old smartphone. The weird thing is all of the restaurant names have logos and signs that have graffiti-like fonts and it makes it impossible to read them. Then we're given some offer of moving chairs (WTF) and just as we're looking at the restaurant menus, I notice the list of items on the menus is exceptionally small and limited.

COMMENTS: I'm really glad I didn't have to pay a dime for that vacation.

INSIDE JOB

Now I'm a member of the Sopranos, only I have a very minor supporting role in the family, such as driving members to their destinations, along with other simple errands. What I do know is that I'm trying to slowly break away from my involvement from the family without looking suspicious.

At one point, I'm approached by two FBI agents while I'm in my car at the parking lot of a courthouse. They ask me several questions about the Sopranos, but I only give them minor, ambiguous details and white lies. They managed to track me again later while I'm driving down some country road.

One piece of evidence I have on me seems strange, which happens to be a picture frame, but instead of a picture, there are words within the frame. The words detail a series of murders that were performed on March 11, but I don't remember what year it said. There also seems to be a hidden compartment in the back, but I never open it. The FBI agents find this picture frame and ask me about it, but they're totally confused about it and don't understand it's purpose or connection with the Sopranos.

COMMENTS: Not even the FBI understands my dreams.

RUSSIA AFTER DARK

I'm in some first person shooter game set in Russia during the winter, although it seems like the game constantly switches from first person to third person all over the place, kind of like Metal Gear Solid 4. Meanwhile, I'm working with several squadmates to take out some military warlords with AK-47 rifles.

One of the really weird things about this scenario is we all have these unusual powers. While we're making our way around the Russian compounds and military bases, we can transform into different animals and creatures like butterflies, rabbits, and... mermen. And we're also able to go underwater, climb walls, and walk on ceilings. all used to help our covert mission. To justify this weirdness, I'm simply told by one of my squadmates that these are just powers and anomalies, like this kind of weirdness is perfectly acceptable, and it's just us using the weirdness that the corrupted military is creating against them before we shut them down.

COMMENTS: In Soviet Russia... ... you know, I don't even know where to go with this one.

TRAPPED AT THE PARK

I'm driving alone to some theme park in my Dodge Challenger. The name of this place makes it sound like a Dave & Buster's, only the park looks and feels a lot more like Busch Gardens.

The weird thing is that it also seems like the park never closes. When I get there, I run into a lot of issues paying for my parking pass, and it just happens to be around 1:30 AM at night. Also, for some reason, I'm being charged $50 for the parking pass. I tell the attendant that's ridiculously high, and the young African-American lady there just agrees but nothing is done about it. I then try to pay in cash, but for some reason, it seems like almost all the bills in my wallet have been changed into Japanese Yen. I'm able to find a few single dollar bills buried among all of this Japanese money, but I keep losing count of how much money I actually have in the process of trying to find usable bills to pay with. I get pulled off to the side to stop me from blocking everyone else trying to get in, and it seems like it takes me hours to resolve the issue I'm having with these guards. I finally manage to pull out enough money to pay for the parking pass, but I need to head into the park to get to an ATM, as I had essentially nothing legal tender at this point. However, ironically, I'm somehow able to get into the park itself without paying.

The park is also ridiculously crowded despite this late hour, and the whole time, no one suspects I was able to get in without paying for anything except for the overpriced parking pass. I also get lost and find myself ending up on lines to go onto boat rides and log flumes I had no intention of going on in the first place.

I also run into one of my brother's friends while I'm there, only it seems his leg is broken and he can't walk that well at all. Instead of using a wheelchair, he's using an office chair with wheels to get around. I decide to help him out by pushing him around while he helps me find my way back to the park's entrance. At some points, we end up having to cross over rivers by means of stone bridges. There are several moments during our... adventure where he thinks he can walk again, but he ends up being wrong and can only do it for a short distance before we need to rely on the chair again to get him around.

By now, it's dawn and we finally make it back to the park's entrance. I decide to try and call home to let them know I'm going to stay at the park until the late afternoon, and only then do I decide to finally get my car parked and actually pay for the ticket now.

COMMENTS: So after all that headache to get out of there, I end up wanting to stay there LONGER!?

TOTAL WARDROBE MALFUNCTION

I dreamed I had just gotten a pair of black costume angel wings, but they seemed to change size and shape all throughout the duration of the dream. And for some weird reason, I felt the wings looked great accompanied with a sports jacket I was also wearing.

We were also clearing out the closets and some of the furniture, mostly the dressers. I didn't know the reason why, however. I figured we were just getting rid of old clothing.

I also seemed to change heights at random times. At some points, it felt like I was normal size while at others, I was only three feet tall, having to look far up at the clothing hanging in my closet.

COMMENTS: I've got way bigger issues going on than clearing out my old clothes... >.<

--------------------------

And there you go. Lots of islands, stupid costumes, mermaids, ridiculous magic powers, and first person shooter influence.

Now you know why I never really shared my dreams prior to this...

http://i.imgur.com/jGV7TYK.jpg

[Brettles]

First Joke

Did you know that some Pokemon get less Powerful when they evolve.
For example as Snivy evolves it gets weaker and weaker until eventually it turns into Serperior who is completely armless!


Second Joke

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Not Serperior!

[XaiakuX]

...which somehow leads to me being escorted to some large airplane hangar/warehouse place where they're storing very large and overstuffed Pokémon plush toys, including a giant Lugia one.

I wish to live in this warehouse.

Also! Team Aqua, I made you a new Logo:



http://i650.photobucket.com/albums/uu222/SirX-kun/TrueFaceofAqua.png
(All images used were free stock images, too! Yay for not stealing. I'm a jerk and a good person at the same time.)

Now for hilarious jokes!
America.
The grammatical prowess of the one they call Fawkes..
My life.

[Dragon Master Mike]

Remember everyone, this is the last day to enter for humor of the last week of WAR! If anyone had any intention of entering, do so today!

[PV]

SLC was a Bear from the South
Didn't think before opening his mouth
Got punched in the face
To put him in place
With a lisp he returned to his houth

[The-Hydra]

I'll just pull out something I wrote a while back for fun. It's not very long compared to Neo's, but there's an old saying about length... "Length, shmength" or something to that effect.



~~BREAKING NEWS~~

Hello, and welcome to the breaking PXR late night news, breaking nightly. I'm your breaking host, Hydra Hydrington. Tonight's breaking headlines:

Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is not known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.

Three exorcists have been devoured by what has been confirmed as a "Green boogeyman".

A man wearing a "have a nice day" button, was killed today by a man who works at night.

A new social networking site, named "Ping", has become extremely popular all over the world in just weeks, making millions. The site is entirely devoted to making ping noises for the low price of 5$, and sending them to your friends.

Gamefreak has confirmed that every single Pokemon will be getting at least one mega, with the exception of Dunsparce.

A man on death row, scheduled to be killed weeks ago, is still alive today because he can't decide between the lobster and the steak for his last meal. He is currently leaning towards lobster.

French-frying people has recently become a popluar form of execution in Texas. It has been accepted as "totally constitutional" by the local government. However, the recent "Hamburgering" method is much more controversial.

A woman who claimed to have a deep love for everyone in the world was killed yesterday, by a man who says he didn't know that.

But first, the insparational story of the week with Hydra Hydrason, featuring this week a pair of cheapskate parents from Ohio. And now we go live to Hydra Hydrason with the story. Hydra?

Thank you, Hydra. This week, an Ohio couple managed to go from rags to riches, all thanks to their incredible frugality. Their 3-year old daughter wanted a Tickle-me-Elmo doll more than anything in the world for her birthday, but they were to cheap to actually buy it, so they rented it for a month, hoping she would grow tired of it by the end of the month.

She played with the doll all month, growing to love it more every day. The couple, knowing this, decided to return it while she was at school and tell her it died because she forgot to feed him. Of course, they knew she wasn't that stupid, so they decided to bury something in their backyard so she would think he really did "die". They decided on the neighbor's Irish setter, on the grounds that it came when called so they wouldn't have to carry something heavy.

But then, when the neighbors heard the sounds of the dog barking, they rushed to the parents' yard, and the parents, thinking quickly, whacked them with the shovels and buried them instead of the dog. Unfortunately, there was a familt reunion going on next door, and all of the family members went down to see what all the commotion was. The parents, at this point quite handy with shovels, started whacking down each and every person. Someone called the police. The sound of shovel-whacking filled the air for the next few hours, until the body pile became so high the family opened a luxury ski resort and became multi-billionares.

The moral is, folks, that when life gives you lemons, open a luxury ski resort. Back to you Hydra.

Thank you Hydra. We'll be back with, "Low-fat Mayonaise: secret to shedding those pounds in less than a week?" After this word from our sponsors. This is Hydra Hydrington, on PXR breaking news, breaking nightly.

[Lord Celebi]

Also! Team Aqua, I made you a new Logo:



http://i650.photobucket.com/albums/uu222/SirX-kun/TrueFaceofAqua.png

9/10 "It's okay." -IGN

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

SO! Apparently this is my only shot at entering in humor. Ladies and Gentlemen, sit down and shut the f*** up, because your chances of winning this thing are officially dead in the water. Watch in abject horror as I kinda-sorta riff on Neo's Dream Diary with OCs!

INTRODUCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENG!!!!!!!...

Markus Novolos, the eternally angry! Legendary Trainer and Pyrokinetic of GCeA!

Markus: I hate you. I really, really do.

...Moving on!

Craig Thallaso, the kid in an eternal caffine rush! Also from GCeA!

Craig: WHOOOOOOOOO!!!

Markus: Oh, come the f***-

And, his, er, 'lovely girlfriend,' Nancy!!!! Or, if you want to get all official, Diancie!!!!

Craig: S**T!

Nancy: Wheeeeeee! *Glomps Craig*

Markus: *Is suddenly sorry for Craig*

That guy who is almost eternally between the Astereiks, THE LPW8 NARRATOR!!

*...Wait, you're involving the Narrator?!*

YES I AM!! I'M ALSO TAKING OVER YOUR DUTIES WHILE I'M AT IT!

**I, the assistant Narrator, who you will hear no further of, watch as the Narrator is kicked out of his seat and is replaced by a nonexistent entity.**

Narrator:...Well, at least I don't have two jobs to do now...I BETTER STILL BE ON PAYROLL, TAZZ!!!

*SPEAKING OF TAZZ-oh, great, Asterisks. Well, SPEAKING OF TAZZ, HERE'S THE THINLY-VEILED PARODY OF MYSELF FROM LPW8!!! TAZANITE!!!*

Tazanite: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I WILL CRUSH YOU ALL LIKE A- *Is promptly attacked by everyone else*

Nancy: NO YOU WILL NOT!

Markus: I WILL F***ING GUT YOU TAZANITE!!!

Narrator: THERE'S NOTHING TO KILL HERE, TAZZ, D**MIT!!

Craig: *Stands well away from the fight*

*...INTRODUCING AVALON, FROM THAT OLD EON SKY FIC I DID THAT I REALLY WANT TO RE-WRITE! ALSO ONE OF MARKUS'ES WORST ENEMIES EVER!!!*

Avalon: Oh, hello all!

Markus: *Attempts to knife Avalon while saying things that would get me banned from PxR. Miserably fails.*

Avalon: Is this how I'm greeted, every time?! You even tried to knife a hallucination of me! I was not even responsible for that hallucination! You even KNEW it was a hallucination of me! Like, seriously?! Are you really just that much of a dumba**?! Is it just some natural dumba** compulsion to attempt to kill me EVERY TIME my fleeting image comes up?!

Narrator: Besides, as the Narrator, I can tell you that Tazz currently has access to a button to effectively stop any bulls**t, and I know for a fact he's a little too interested in his little plan for Avvie to let him truly die anytime soon. You're wasting your energy, pal!

*Hey, don't tell HIM that!*

Avalon: *To my displeasure, he's intrigued and not very happy about it.* Hang the f*** on, you're saying that he's got plans for me?! I don't follow no plans but my own, and whoever thinks they can control me, f*** off!!

Markus: ARE YOU SAYING I CAN'T KILL THAT-*Degenerates into more things that would get me banned from PxR*

Tazanite: THAT COLOR OF TEXT SEEMS ODDLY FAMILIAR!

Narrator: *Attempts to say more. Wait, f***, no!!!*

*ALSO INTRODUCING THE LOVELY MADWOMON, SCYEZ THE LUCARIO!!!*

Scyez: YAAAAAAAAY! YAAAAAAAAAY! IT'S THINGAMABOB DAY!!!

Avalon: Nobody touch her! NOBODY F***ING TOUCH THE CRAZY LUCARIO OR I WILL HAVE YOR HEAD!

Scyez: YAAAAY! Master Avvie! YAAAAAAAAY!!! *attempts to hug Avalon. You know, with the spike on her chest. Avalon nimbly dodges the unintentional threat to his life*

Craig: *Is suddenly realizing what he signed up for* YeahIreallythinkIneedtogo-*Finds there are no exists whatsoever*-Ohcomethef***on!

Nancy: *Is tightly hugging Craig.*

*COMING FROM WORLD WAR TERMINUS, HERE'S YARVICK XELSEZ, THE RATICAAAAATE!!!*

Yarvick: Wait, I was told there would be gold here! Gold I could take...

Tazanite: ARE YOU THINKING OF MY PHAT L00T?!!? COME HERE!!! *Attempts to murder Yarvick*

Yarvick: S**t! *Flees Tazanite*

*ALSO, INTRODUCING YARVICK'S MOST POWERFUL PARTNER IN CRIME, HYPERION THE DEOXXXXYSSSSS!!!!

Hyperion: *Levitates Tazanite away from Yarvick with telekinesis*...Why did you even WHISPER that aloud?!

Yarvick: I WAS, IN FACT, TOLD THERE WOULD BE GOLD!!

Narrator: Your text color is gold.

Yarvick:...F***ing conman I will find you and take everything you have-

*AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, THE MOST TESTOSTERONE-PACKED BEING IN ALL OF EXISTENCE! HE'S GOT FOUR TIMES THE TESTOSTERONE OF MISTER TORGUE, A MAN WITH FOUR TIMES THE TESTOSTERONE OF SAXTON HALE, A MAN WITH 4 TIMES THE TESTOSTERONE OF THE FOURTH MOST TESTOSTERONE-PACKED THING IN EXISTENCE! HE MAKES WHITE PAINT! HE RULES A NATION OF MAGIKARP! HE'S GOT A REALLY BAD CASE OF DIABETES THAT IS NOT HIS FAULT! LADIES AND GENTLEMAN...MACHOKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARP!!!

MACHOKARP: HELLO!!!

Avalon: So, a 30-foot tall fishman?...I could see you causing all sorts of carnage...I could get a lot of use out of you, good sir...

MACHOKARP: I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN CAST IN A MONSTER MOVIE BEFORE, BUT THEY REALLY REGRETTED IT BECAUSE I KIND OF CAUSED MORE PROPERTY DAMAGE THAN THEY COULD GROSS IN THE CINEMA!!!

Markus: *Is suddenly considering trying to capture MACHOKARP*

Craig: *Is thinking likewise*

*NOW, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO...RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!*


THE ARENA FIGHT

It all first started with a rectangular-shaped area that looked like a massive school gym where a huge audience was watching some muscular Asian Rambo-like dude try to make his way across a tightrope, but he falls at just the very end. See, the problem was he was trying to get across using his hands, but yeah, that sure didn't work out.

Next, a huge amount of the watching audience is called into the arena to engage in a total free for all, and they use just about anything handed to them. A few people expected this to happen from the start and were ready with their own weapons (near-lethal), some magical power, and costumes, but most of us had no idea this was going to happen and we were totally taken by surprise. At first, everything was totally frantic with people chaotically fighting until it was down to me and some small, black-haired Asian girl after everyone else had been eliminated.

Before trying to take her out, I used some magical ability to suddenly sprout glowing green angel-like wings that no one knew about except for me, and even I wasn't sure this spell would work in the first place or if it would just make me look like an idiot. I tried it and it actually DOES work, but as I'm flying, I move really quickly and I constantly have to fly all over the place, turning and swerving to avoid crashing into the walls. I eventually get used to flying with these wings, so I try to swoop down and strike her, but she kept moving around and it was hard for me to hit her. The few times I make the shot, I use those two Jupiter of the Monkey pins from The World Ends With You, the E one (with the slashing ability) and the Muramasa one (that one that has an uppercut attack). After short and powerful strikes, I take flight again, and the Asian girl seems defenseless. The fight carries on for over an hour with neither of us giving up while the audience gets bored. At one point, she tries using some discarded plastic keg container to try and bring me down, but it doesn't work and I use it against her instead, and this time it hits her but only has a minimal effect (of course). After a long fight, some judge, an older woman who looks a lot like a typical grade school teacher, declares the battle to be a draw and the dream ends.

COMMENTS: We definitely need more events like this.

Tazanite:...YOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!! JOIN LPW8 NOW!!! PLEEEEEEEEASE!!! YOU'D FIT RIGHT IN!!!

Markus: Dumba**, it's a dream, he doesn't have those powers.

Tazanite: Now how do you know that he doesn't have those powers?!

Avalon: He said it was a dream, it's unlikely he has those powers, you know, IRL.

Tazanite: I'LL GIVE HIM THOSE POWERS, SOMEHOW, JUST JOIN ALREADY!

Avalon:...My advice to you, Emolga, is to carefully consider-

Tazanite: THE PROMISE OF EXTRAORDINARY L00T!!!

Narrator: Tazanite is the kind to self-promote, or rather, search for good canidates to hire to his lovely faction of mercenaries. I'd also be interested in narrating what kind of madness he gets himself into myself...

MACHOKARP: DO NOT JOIN, HE'S JUST A HUGE COWARD WHO'D TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUR WEAKNESSES AND KICK YOUR-!

Narrator: Neo would be on Tazanite's side, MACHOKARP, not yours.

MACHOKARP: DO NOT JOIN, I DO NOT WANT MORE INTERRUPTIONS TO MY PERFECTLY LEGAL WHITE PAINT MANUFACTORY OR MY RIGOROUS WORKOUT ROUTINES!

Scyez: Oh oh oh! Master Avvie, Master Avvie! Why did the guy do the thingy with his hands instead of his face?

Markus: No f***ing clue, it's a Dream, you could be king of the universe and control space down to the atom, and nobody would bat-

Scyez: Master Avvie, why did he do it with his hands instead of his face?! I wanna know!

Avalon: *With a trollish face and a near-flawless mimicry of Markus'es voice* No f***ing clue, it's a Dream, you could be king of the universe and control space down to the atom, and nobody would bat an eye.

Scyez: Oh. Hey, NO HURTING MASTER AVVIE! *Restrains Markus, who had lost his s**t.*

Yarvick: SOMEONE needs temper control...But, you know, you could just hire me to steal his s**t if you want...

Hyperion: Yarvick, why are you promoting your services to a guy we may not even see ever again?

Markus: *Internally considers it*

Yarvick: There aren't any laws about it...

Craig: Ithoughtweweresupposedtoriffoffofhisdream?

Nancy: Who cares, I have yoooooooou! *Hugs Craig tighter*

Craig: Soumhowaboutthatcrazyspellhuh?Reallyweirdandintere sting?!

MACHOKARP: I HAVE SEEN WINGS MADE OF ROCK CANDY, IT'S NOT REALLY ALL THAT INTERESTING IN THE LONG RUN. JUST SEEMS LIKE ANOTHER FIGHT AGAINST LOW-LEVEL HEROES TO ME. NEXT!


MY SISTER'S NEW GUINEA PIG

Dreamed my sister got a new cream-colored guinea pig in the time I was out doing something else while everyone else had been waiting in the car. He seems fine in the car, but then we bring him inside a restaurant, he gets antsy, goes under the table, and we struggle to keep him from running away all over the place.

COMMENTS: I guess we forgot to buy an actual cage for the rodent.

...

...

...

*OK, WHY AREN'T YOU TALKING?*

Avalon: I've got no material about this. The only weird bit is forgetting to buy a cage...And that's not really egregious compared to, say, essentially becoming a hummingbird and fighting it out in a massive brawl...

Narrator: Yeah, boring.

Tazanite: Lame. Laaaaaaaaaaaaaame.

Scyez: YAAAAY! PRETTY FURRY MINI PIG THINGY! YAAAAAAAAY!

Markus: *Is attempting to silently call out his Blastoise*

Yarvick: *Had already stolen Markus'es whole belt*

Hyperion: Hoo boy.

Markus: Hey, wait a minute...*notices Yarvick and his lack of belt* OI! THIEF! *Attemps to stab Yarvick, but is narrowly held back by Hyperion.* GIVE THAT BACK!!

MACHOKARP: *Takes the belt away from Yarvick and gives it back to Markus* TRUE MEN NEVER STEAL! THEY MAY FIGHT TO THE DEATH, BUT NEVER STEAL! PETTY!

Narrator: For love of existence, NEXT!!!


THE SHAFT

So, I'm getting in an elevator with another mother and her two children. I realize by looking through the gap between the elevator and the door, we are at least several stories up. Meanwhile, the gap is at least a foot and a half wide from the doors, which causes a problem for the two kids considering they're small enough to fall through there. They're afraid to jump across the gap to get into the elevator, but the mother just doesn't care and refuses to help them.

COMMENTS: So when they grow up to be rebellious, beer-guzzling goths later on in life, mama should know where she went wrong.

Tazanite: THAT IS A CLEAR BREACH IN OSHA BUILDING CODE! That mother should sue the architects!

Avalon: If that Architect were a real person, the only reason I wouldn't be paying a nice visit and punching him/her an express ticket to hell is because he/she would already be in jail...

Markus: Avvie acts all high and mighty sometimes, but he's a monster, and nobody here better forget that. He-

Scyez: Bad people forced him to! Avvie doesn't like fighting! He doesn't like getting hurt! He's really really REALLY nice! But bad people keep trying to hurt him for no reason, so he hurts them back! Bad people! I don't get why they do that, though. But Avvie is soft and nice and cute and adorable, and he loves me!

Markus: But-

Scyez: Soft and nice and cute and adorable, and he loves me!

Markus: But-

Scyez: Soft, nice, cute, adorable, and he loves me!

Markus: BUT-

Scyez SOFT NICE CUTE ADORABLE, AND HE LOVES ME! And I love him too! *Attempts to hug Avalon again, but he dodges away.

Hyperion: Oh, good, I thought I was mad for following a clear-as-day kleptomanic just because he raised me effectively from birth, before I became a Deoxys...But clearly a mentally-unhinged Lucario is equally zealous to what appears to be a man who'd make Giovanni look like a charity worker who effectively poops out rainbows! Oh, wait.

Yarvick: I am not that bad! And in any case, we do NOT know what he did...Yet. And you said we ought to not make business deals with people we aren't going to see, ever again! Not like we'll be working for him.

Markus: Good, because he-

Tazanite: HAS A FAMILIAR TEXT COLOR TO SOME GUY I KNOW! BUT THAT'S IRRELEVANT! All I picked up from that dream is that some horrible architect is about to get her a** sued to the high heavens, and when that happens, I WILL BE THERE, EATING POPCORN!

MACHOKARP: THAT WAS A HORRIBLE WOMAN! TRUE MANHOOD INCLUDES, WHEN APPLICABLE (WHICH IS NOT IN MY CASE), EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD PARENTHOOD! AND THOUGH SHE MAY NOT BE A MAN, THE SAME STANDARDS SHOULD STILL APPLY!

Narrator: That one was already covered by Neo.

MACHOKARP: I MUST STILL MAKE THAT POINT! THERE IS SUCH HORRIBLE MORAL DEGREDATION THESE DAYS, AND TRUE MANLINESS MUST HAVE MORALS!

Markus: It must also have a volume switch that DOES, in fact, go down! Dear Arceus, can you get quieter?!

MACHOKARP: THIS IS ACTUALLY ME WHISPERING, MARKUS. WHISPERING. MY FULL TONE OF VOICE WOULD PROBABLY BREAK THE ROOM OR SOMETHING.

Nancy: Craig, this is getting boooooooring, is there something more fun to at least read?

Craig: NEXTNEXTNEXTPLEASE!!!


ODD SUPERMARKET SHOPPING

I was going supermarket shopping with my brother and a few of his friends. Everyone goes in and just grabs their own shopping cart while the line to get in is chaotically zig-zagging by the front door. We skip past the line and I get in first and order cheese, but since I don't really know what cheese the rest of the family wants, I just order whatever seems good. I also pay in cash. I also quickly realize each area of the supermarket has their station stalls, kind of like a farmer's market. One section with salad dressings and other condiments seems oddly shaped ends up being laid out like the backyard at our house. Also, I was wearing a Little Mermaid backpack that my brother's friend and I were joking about earlier, but I simply told him I had "just gotten it for free" and then I showed him the black one I usually use.

COMMENTS: Yeah, something about pride being on the line because a Little Mermaid backpack just isn't as MANLY as a big, black one.

Nancy: This is almost incomprehensible! I don't even know what a supermarket is! Next!

Craig: *Sweating profusely*

Avalon:...Why do you have a girlfriend like that?!

Markus: You're just looking for an excuse to kill-

Craig: *Gives a look that is almost verbatim with 'PLEASE KILL HER!'

Avalon: *Writes down 'Nancy' on his 'Bills to Kill' list.*

MACHOKARP: *Steps on Nancy with the power of PURE TESTOSTERONE!!!*

Nancy: Owwie! *Slips out from under MACHOKARP's foot, mostly unharmed. Everyone else just looks like they've been slapped in the face*

Craig: *Gives a look that is almost verbatim with 'PLEASE TRY HARDER!!'

Avalon: *Removes Nancy from the 'Bills to Kill' list, and puts her on the 'to murder with EXTREME PREJUDICE' list.*...So, that Little Mermaid backpack!

*No reaction*

Avalon:...Nobody hear knows about the Little Mermaid?

*Everyone else raises their hands.*

Avalon: *Faceplam* No culture whatsoever, it seems...OK, NEXT!


DID IT REALLY HAPPEN?

Our family was at the dinner table and my mom and my sister were attacked from behind by some black blur. At one point they seem dead, but later on in the dream, they were totally fine as if nothing ever happened. They even try to help me pin down the attacker...

...which somehow leads to me being escorted to some large airplane hangar/warehouse place where they're storing very large and overstuffed Pokémon plush toys, including a giant Lugia one.

COMMENTS: Yeah, I think I took a wrong turn somewhere along the line.

Avalon: Sounds like MY work. Except they'd stay dead if it were MY work.

Tazanite: No, Neo died too, he just respawned at the warehouse place.

Craig: Buthewasescortedtothewarehouseplacehowcouldherespa wn?!

Narrator: To the, erm, unenlightened, respawning feels like you just got taken away to somewhere else with an egregious timeskip. Clearly the most safe place was that warehouse. Why was it stuffed with Pokemon plushes, though?

Nancy: They were REAL Pokemon, and bigger than normal! He just didn't realize it because they were standing REALLY still!

Scyez: Ooh ooh ooh ooh! That means the big stormy brainy bird guy is there! And they're plushies, so they're all SUPER-CUDDULEWY! Avvie, take me there, I wanna cuddle with plushie Pokes! PLUSHIE POOOOKES! Also we can stop the big stormy brainy bird guy from attacking you, Avvie.

Avalon: *Politely nods* Yeah, that sounds like an awesome idea. *Turns to Yarvick, the nearest guy* No, it's not.

Markus: Maybe one was Darkrai? He's really quick and fast and kills nigh-instantly...No, wait, no, he's not a violent type at all. More likely snogging Cresselia than anything.

MACHOKARP: IT'S AN IMPOSSIBLE MYSTERY! IT SHALL HAUNT ME TO THE END OF MY LIFE!

Tazanite: I DID IT! BECAUSE I WAS BORED!

Narrator: He's too lazy to lie and bad at it, too. Tazanite did it. End of mystery! NEXT!


DARK HOMESTEAD

Now I'm on some strange island where there is a small, somewhat innocent-looking house and a square gazebo. A group of wizards and myself are waiting for someone or something to arrive at shore, I wasn't even sure what, but strange creatures and abominations keep trying to emerge from the house. Most of them seem impervious to our magic spells, but we're able to keep pushing them back into the house. Once most of them get pushed back in, we keep them contained for a bit longer by using our magic to put wood and other barricades over the windows and doors. But soon enough, they're strong enough to push them away and break through, but we're at least buying time.

We decide to just flat out destroy the house, but it's just not possible even after we've tried launching fireballs and other similar spells of destruction at it. Some time passes and we manage to temporarily focus our attention elsewhere after we believe we managed to seal up the house for good. However, I discover a large group of zombies have broken out and have already started spreading all over the island. I then attempt to push them back in, although it seems like I really have my work cut out for me.

COMMENTS: It's the Walking Dead/Survivor/Harry Potter crossover!

Narrator: Seems like a standard adventure to me. Hardly anything of note.

Tazanite: Those would be some hideously over-leveled zombies, though.

MACHOKARP: BUT WHAT LEVEL WERE THE SPELLS? 9999, OR SOMETHING A LOT WEAKER?

Markus: What the f*** are you guys even talking about, this is NOT an RPG!

Avalon: Yes it is, you didn't learn about that in school? I thought it was very obvious! *Trollface returns as he mimics an old history teacher* 'Today, we are going to talk about the developers of our very existence, Square Enix!'

Craig: I'veseenweirderbeenweirderdoneweirderRPGworldOK!

Tazanite: You having those stats is a PHYSICAL IMPOSSIBILITY!!! But NOT Neo! He's too cool to not have no stats.

Nancy: Craig, what are your stats? You're too cool to not have no stats either!

Craig: *starts vibrating from sheer hyperactivity, sending sweat everywhere. He does NOT have stats.* Ummummummummcan'tremembersorry!

Hyperion: Yarvick, what did we walk into?!

Yarvick: I have absolutely no idea. I was told there would be gold, but then I get lunatics raving about nigh-random topics. Speaking of topics, NEXT!


THE COMPOUND ISLAND

So I'm dreaming I'm on another island, having a few of the same magic powers from other dream. The island is much bigger this time, and has several large compounds that seem to be heavily guarded. While I'm here, I'm also on some quest to obtain Hummingbird Potion, although I have no idea why I need it or why I'm even trying to get it in the first place. All I know is that it gives whoever guzzles this stuff down the ability to fly really crazy fast at crazy extreme speeds. And the dream ends like that, extremely unclimatically.

COMMENTS: I sure love my energy drinks, don't I?

Yarvick: Well, that explains the green angel wings from The Arena Fight perfectly! He drunk Hummingbird Juice, learned a spell to harness its mighty powers, and BAM! Sense!

Hyperion: I guess that explains one thing...

Nancy: I need some of that! I can't catch up to my precious Craig even when we're walking! He's superfast! Right?

Craig: Yeahyeahveryfastveryfast!

Nancy: Yeah, see! Superfast!

Yarvick: You survive a freaking 30-foot tall fishman, an absolutely RIPPED fishman too mind, you're clearly nigh-impossible to kill...Why are you THAT slow? Your muscle density must be better than Machamp!

Nancy: Oh, I'm a Legend, made of diamonds! Watch! *Turns into Diancie, with much sparking* Ta-da!

Yarvick:...Diamonds. Made of Daimonds.

Craig: Yes,madeofdiamondshehehehe!

Yarvick: *Is attempting to not drool at the prospect*

Hyperion: Wonderful, one of my many gods in the Pokemon pantheon is also completely off of her rocker. That is just fantastic news...And all you can think about is that she's made of diamonds.

Yarvick: Can you...

Nancy: Make diamonds? Yes! Sooooo Easy, here, watch! *Makes a fist-sized Diamond in front of her face, then gives it to Craig.*

Yarvick: *Trying hard not to drool out of sheer excitement*

Hyperion:...And now he's just completely ignoring everything over the fact she can make diamonds. There are already too many of those things in the world...NEXT!


BATTLEFIELD BAD COMPANY 3: THE DISAPPOINTMENT

I'm now in this warehouse and storage area that has become one of the multiplayer maps in Battlefield Bad Company 2, but instead of guns, we're using cans of spray paint that seem to shoot really long distances. I was able to get the drop on people who were just camping around, but at one point, they added a bunch of civilians to the game that were just standing around and weren't doing anything at all.

COMMENTS: See, this is why we still need first person shooter games to be rated M for Mature.

Narrator: You clearly had a psychic vision of the future and saw some version of Splatoon.

Tazanite: Except without the ability to turn into a Squid. And you completely forgot about painting the area.

MACHOKARP: VIDEO GAMES ARE NOT EXTREMELY MANLY, NOT ENOUGH FOR ME, BUT I FIND THE LACK OF REAL ACTION HORRIBLY UNSATISFYING, AND MY STRICT MORAL CODE OF MANLINESS DOES NOT COVER VIDEO GAMES. I FEEL YOUR DISSAPOINTMENT, NEO.

Avalon: It's the only shooter game I couldn't emulate in real-life while cheating at it with metokinesis. But, it's the only one where I don't have even a remote chance of dying. Hrm, which do I like more...

Markus: Whoever thought of that game is either stupid or brilliant in a way I don't realize, but I think it's stupid.


IRISH RENAISSANCE FAIRE

So, I'm now at this major festival that plays out like a really huge Renaissance Faire and everyone is wearing colorful costumes. I'm with a group of people that have Irish accents, and for the time being, I try to fake one just to fit in. Meanwhile, all of us in this group are wearing very soft green and white clothing. At one point, I get some kind of varsity lettering added to the back of my costume, but I forget what exactly they were spelling out. Besides that, the costume also came with a large, soft, rounded hat but had a few flaps on the ears and back.

We then start to head toward an eating area where several other groups were gathering, all wearing similar costumes to ours, just different colors and with other small variances. On the way there, I see many desserts and pastries prepared and presented along with other ornamental pieces depicting fantasy creatures such as fairies, mermaids, and so on. I also break out into song, singing something in another language.

On the way there, I suddenly realize this is a dream (oh, only just now!?) and the temptation to manipulate the heck out of it comes to mind, but I actually decide that despite the dream being idiotic and crazy, it still seems fun and I just decide to roll along with it for now. But there was still this weird, tugging sensation when I realized things were starting to change a bit according to my weird desires. But I stopped because I was also afraid people in the dream might become suspicious.

I then realize I totally skipped ahead of the rest of my Irish friends I was with and I was totally alone, singing to myself. I headed back to find them again and I realize they're sitting down at the eating area without me, already cutting up and serving some purple-colored cake. The portions being served among the group are totally off with some people obviously having way bigger pieces than other people. But hey, I at least get a nice, average sized piece to enjoy before the dream ends.

COMMENTS: I need to figure out what I ate prior to that night and never, never eat it again.

Markus:...That is WEIRD, that tugging sensation. For a Renaissance Fair style event, that doesn't even sound remotely implausible, except that last bit. I don't get that when I dream lucidly.

Avalon: You don't even control your dreams at all when you dream. You just get plopped into the body of a Caterpie with memories you didn't recall and then start getting to work.

Markus: HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?!

Avalon: You didn't make it a huge secret, dumba**. Not like I can't just find out whatever isn't that blatantly obvious. *Parries Markus'es attempts at going for his neck* Like that you would attempt to kill me yet again, right there.

Narrator: That could not have been more telegraphed.

Tazanite: HIS EASE OF BLOCKING IS CLEARLY YOUR FAULT! *Pointing at Markus*

Scyez: Oh oh oh, wait! Master Avvie, Master Avvie! Why were they giving out cake if it wasn't a birthday?

Avalon: Because cake is NOT exclusive to birthdays?

Scyez: Don't be silly, of course it is! It's just like how Waffles play ping-pong with Nuffledorvs!

Tazanite: OK, What is a Nuffledorv, WHERE can I find it, AND HOW EASILY DOES IT DIE?!

Scyez: They're adorable ping-pong playing thingies that only play with Waffles.

Narrator: Tazanite, you're not seriously thinking of making trap ping-pong courses with opponent waffles just to lure out a creature who probably does not exist, right? Right? Right?

Tazanite: Maybe.

Craig: OKtheresaquestionthatiskindofbuggingmewhatisirish?

Avalon:...OK, how many other people here don't know what 'Irish' is?

*Everyone raises their hands.*

Avalon:...I don't want to live in this existence anymore. You people. How is that even possible? How?

Yarvick: Because I haven't even heard of an 'Irish,' and have no idea what the f*** is weird about this dream except maybe the purple cake being eaten in inappropriately proportioned slices?

Markus: No, it's because he's such a huge a**hole that it's hiding the fact of what an 'Irish' is from us.

Avalon: I'm not even Irish and it feels like I'm being stabbed in the gut. NEXT!


THE ORDER PROTECTION

So now I'm part of the Order of the Phoenix from Harry Potter. The only issue with this dream is that nothing much has happened and they're reusing the same set from the Compound Island dream that I had the other night. Oh, and there weren't any battles either.

COMMENTS: See, I would have totally walked out on that movie if it was like this.

*Everyone raises their hands except Avalon*

Avalon: DO NOT TELL ME YOU HAVE NOT HEARD OF HARRY POTTER! DO NOT TELL ME THAT! DO NOT TELL ME! NO, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS BULLS**T, NEXT!!! NEEEEXT!!!


TROPICAL ISLAND OF WEIRDNESS

Now I'm on yet another island where my brother and I are taking some accounting exam from some young, bearded professor who warns us that there might be a little trigonometry on it as well. Afterwards, my brother and I, along with several other guys that were taking this exam, all go for a swim at the beach during the night. And then a short while later, we end up back at some hotel room.

Some kind of show goes on later with the theme of Martians and aliens invading the island, but the whole thing ends up being really cheesy and stupid, and I make the comment of feeling like I'm "just a supporting character in a crappy movie" when they try to make the show have audience interaction. Despite all the special effects of a made-up Mars blocking out the light of the moon and giant animatronic aliens, we roll our eyes at the big budget epic fail of a show and just leave to go grab dinner.

My whole family is there at this resort-like place, and the multiple restaurants look like they're based off of that Paradise Island city-building game I used to have for my old smartphone. The weird thing is all of the restaurant names have logos and signs that have graffiti-like fonts and it makes it impossible to read them. Then we're given some offer of moving chairs (WTF) and just as we're looking at the restaurant menus, I notice the list of items on the menus is exceptionally small and limited.

COMMENTS: I'm really glad I didn't have to pay a dime for that vacation.

Narrator: That is the single worst vacation I have ever heard of. Martains. Really? Pfft, people, Martains are even farther back than humanity, and aren't even on Mars.

Tazanite: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT MARS IS!

Nancy: This is boring! Next!


INSIDE JOB

Now I'm a member of the Sopranos, only I have a very minor supporting role in the family, such as driving members to their destinations, along with other simple errands. What I do know is that I'm trying to slowly break away from my involvement from the family without looking suspicious.

At one point, I'm approached by two FBI agents while I'm in my car at the parking lot of a courthouse. They ask me several questions about the Sopranos, but I only give them minor, ambiguous details and white lies. They managed to track me again later while I'm driving down some country road.

One piece of evidence I have on me seems strange, which happens to be a picture frame, but instead of a picture, there are words within the frame. The words detail a series of murders that were performed on March 11, but I don't remember what year it said. There also seems to be a hidden compartment in the back, but I never open it. The FBI agents find this picture frame and ask me about it, but they're totally confused about it and don't understand it's purpose or connection with the Sopranos.

COMMENTS: Not even the FBI understands my dreams.

Avalon: I don't know what the Sopranos are, but I get a good picture anyways. In any case, lucky you that you were barely related...Try leaving when you were at the heart of some illegal organization that just BEGS you 'please don't go we need you,' like you need some f***ing teenager to fix your problems-

Tazanite: WE INTERRUPT THIS PERIOD OF DEEP LOATHING AND CONFLICT ON PART OF A VAUGELY-FAMILIAR GUY TO BRING YOU THIS ANNOUNCEMENT: Those FBI agents were as dumb as hell.

Narrator: Agreed, fully. The instant they saw that picture frame, they should have taken it and you for further questioning. This is why intelligence and wisdom is NOT a stat, it's just so non-indicative of someone's actual capacity to actually know things.

Markus: *Sits there depressed, as he's totally into Law Enforcement*

Yarvick: Murder is so...Sloppy. If you want something taken, go and take it. It's not even a moral code, it's just plain old pragmatism, a failsafe, in case you get caught you're not going to jail for life. This is pretty boring though...Next!


RUSSIA AFTER DARK

I'm in some first person shooter game set in Russia during the winter, although it seems like the game constantly switches from first person to third person all over the place, kind of like Metal Gear Solid 4. Meanwhile, I'm working with several squadmates to take out some military warlords with AK-47 rifles.

One of the really weird things about this scenario is we all have these unusual powers. While we're making our way around the Russian compounds and military bases, we can transform into different animals and creatures like butterflies, rabbits, and... mermen. And we're also able to go underwater, climb walls, and walk on ceilings. all used to help our covert mission. To justify this weirdness, I'm simply told by one of my squadmates that these are just powers and anomalies, like this kind of weirdness is perfectly acceptable, and it's just us using the weirdness that the corrupted military is creating against them before we shut them down.

COMMENTS: In Soviet Russia... ... you know, I don't even know where to go with this one.

Avalon: In Soviet Russia, you don't look for dames, the dames look for you. Hehehe...

*Everyone raises their hands*

Avalon: OH COME THE F***-Screw it, don't bother asking, not telling. It's just so PAINFUL to see those hands in the air.

Markus: *Makes a point of putting his hand in the air at random junctures*

Avalon: All those powers seemed really good, though. Transformation, ignorance of gravity, waterbreathing...That could be a great game.

Tazanite: So true. AlsojoinLPW8wehavecookies-

Narrator: *Stuffs Tazanite's face in with a cloth* It's promotion for my job, but he is so annoying about it.

Nancy: This is still so boooooooring, NEXT!


TRAPPED AT THE PARK

I'm driving alone to some theme park in my Dodge Challenger. The name of this place makes it sound like a Dave & Buster's, only the park looks and feels a lot more like Busch Gardens.

The weird thing is that it also seems like the park never closes. When I get there, I run into a lot of issues paying for my parking pass, and it just happens to be around 1:30 AM at night. Also, for some reason, I'm being charged $50 for the parking pass. I tell the attendant that's ridiculously high, and the young African-American lady there just agrees but nothing is done about it. I then try to pay in cash, but for some reason, it seems like almost all the bills in my wallet have been changed into Japanese Yen. I'm able to find a few single dollar bills buried among all of this Japanese money, but I keep losing count of how much money I actually have in the process of trying to find usable bills to pay with. I get pulled off to the side to stop me from blocking everyone else trying to get in, and it seems like it takes me hours to resolve the issue I'm having with these guards. I finally manage to pull out enough money to pay for the parking pass, but I need to head into the park to get to an ATM, as I had essentially nothing legal tender at this point. However, ironically, I'm somehow able to get into the park itself without paying.

The park is also ridiculously crowded despite this late hour, and the whole time, no one suspects I was able to get in without paying for anything except for the overpriced parking pass. I also get lost and find myself ending up on lines to go onto boat rides and log flumes I had no intention of going on in the first place.

I also run into one of my brother's friends while I'm there, only it seems his leg is broken and he can't walk that well at all. Instead of using a wheelchair, he's using an office chair with wheels to get around. I decide to help him out by pushing him around while he helps me find my way back to the park's entrance. At some points, we end up having to cross over rivers by means of stone bridges. There are several moments during our... adventure where he thinks he can walk again, but he ends up being wrong and can only do it for a short distance before we need to rely on the chair again to get him around.

By now, it's dawn and we finally make it back to the park's entrance. I decide to try and call home to let them know I'm going to stay at the park until the late afternoon, and only then do I decide to finally get my car parked and actually pay for the ticket now.

COMMENTS: So after all that headache to get out of there, I end up wanting to stay there LONGER!?

Nancy: *Attempts to yell 'Next,' but is handily muted by Tazz, who is currently Narratingin the Narrator's steed. She then makes angry faces and then slumps down in a corner, highly unsatisfied.*

Craig: Thatisareallyweirdparkmustbepopularthoughtogetthat manypeopleatsuchalatehour!

Markus: Oh dear Arceus, talk like a human being, Mr. Caffine!

Craig: Youguysjustseemsoslow!

Markus: I AM MARKUS F***ING NOVOLOS AND I TALK AT A F***ING REASONABLE SPEED, AND ARCEUS HELP ME, SO WILL YOU, OR I WILL-

Craig: Wait, you, Markus, you, legendary, you, uh, um, Autograph? Uh, uh, uh-*Craig faints*

Avalon: Way to go, Markus, way to go. Make your fans faint.

Markus: What the f***?!

Nancy: *Attempts to strangle Markus*

Avalon: Also getting her insane Legend girlfriend agrivated at you. Way to go with that, too.

MACHOKARP: *Removes Nancy from Markus'es throat* YOU, DIANCIE, ARE QUITE FRANKLY INSANE, TO A POINT WHERE I FEEL IT IS ACTUALLY WITHIN MY MANLY DUTIES TO SLAY YOU!

Craig: *Unfaints* Really?!

MACHOKARP: YES, REALLY!

Hyperion: *Rescues Nancy from MACHOKARP's grip with the power of telekinesis* I do not care if she's mad! She just needs time and careful management by caring, loving people to be mentally fixed, her problem is born of conditions, not of birth like Scyez-

Avalon: *Has stolen Markus'es Knife and is attempting to murder Hyperion with it. Yarvick attacks him from behind, attempting to harm him, to minimal success. Tazanite is joining in, attempting to attack anything within reach of his Ax.*

Narrator: My money's on Tazanite.

Scyez: NUUUUUUUUUU STOP FIGHTING! *Yanks the combatants away* MORE WORD-MAKING STUFF NO BAD THINGIES NEXT!


TOTAL WARDROBE MALFUNCTION

I dreamed I had just gotten a pair of black costume angel wings, but they seemed to change size and shape all throughout the duration of the dream. And for some weird reason, I felt the wings looked great accompanied with a sports jacket I was also wearing.

We were also clearing out the closets and some of the furniture, mostly the dressers. I didn't know the reason why, however. I figured we were just getting rid of old clothing.

I also seemed to change heights at random times. At some points, it felt like I was normal size while at others, I was only three feet tall, having to look far up at the clothing hanging in my closet.

COMMENTS: I've got way bigger issues going on than clearing out my old clothes... >.<

Scyez: YAAAAY! No fighting! YAAAAAAAAY!!!

Narrator: Well, great, there goes the most interesting thing to have happened by far!

Markus: *Sits slumped to a wall, completely unbelieving a whole fight that could have resulted in Avvie's death just stopped*

Craig: *Joins him, unhappy over Nancy's continued survival*

Nancy: *Hugs Craig tight, still unable to speak*

Scyez: Oh oh oh! Master Avvie, Master Avvie! Why was he shrinking?

Avalon: He contracted Merlin sickness, his age rewound at random points.

Tazanite: But Merlin sickness doesn't-

Scyez: Master Avvie, why did the wings change size too?

Avalon: They caught inconsistency disorder.

Tazanite: But that doesn't exist-

Narrator: It actually does. Watch Toy Story sometime. Look at the Christmas lights.

Tazanite: F***!!!

MACHOKARP: THE INCURABLE BANE TO ITEM SIZE EVERYWHERE!!! CURSE YOU, INCONSISTENCY DISORDER!!!

Avalon: *Made it up* but-

*...OK, that's all we've got time for! NARRATOR, GET BACK IN HERE! EVERYONE ELSE, GET THE F*** OUT OF HERE!*

Avalon: But-

*OR ELSE!!!*

Narrator: *Rushes back to resume control* OH S**T, HE'S GOT THE UBER BLASTER!!

Tazanite: F***!!! EVERYONE, RUN!

*As the Narrator resumes his proper position, Tazz has the pleasure of shooting the Uber Blaster wildly while everyone else rushes out of the room*

...AND THAT IS MY HUMOR ENTRY! MOSTLY UNRELATED CHARACTER INTERACTION WITH A THIN BASIS ON RIFFING NEO'S DREAM JOURNAL! 9001/10, Error 37, THAT'S ALL FOLKS!!!

[XaiakuX]

9/10 "It's okay." -IGN

You know you love it.

[Dragon Master Mike]

Sorry everyone, but result's won't be up today. You get a little extra time to put your entries in!

[PV]

I blame the small novels for entries.

[Dragon Master Mike]

I blame the small novels for entries.

I do too, because I would have had the judging done on time without them XD. That's fine though, long entries are good.

[Dragon Master Mike]

Humor Week V

First I would like to apologize in advance for the sloppy post. I was busy today and I'm just trying to get this out fast, since I'm late as it is and want to make sure it's done today. Please note that the category for how well you stuck to the theme is not there because there is no theme, and the "+5 for original theme" Means your joke/jokes/whatever didn't fit a previous weeks theme. For lack of time, the post has received minimal proofreading, so I apologize for spelling and grammar errors.

Neo Emolga: 65/100, 50/50 +5 for original theme

Comments: Lucid dreaming. For the longest time I had been trying to do it too. I only actually managed to make it happen a few times. Anyway, less on me and more on your entry. These are some very weird, and very random dreams. I particularly liked RAD, TATP, and DH (I hope you don't mind me abreviating the titles). After reading RAD, the only thing I could think was "Don't invade Russia in the winter!" DH sounded like it would have been a fun dream to be in. TATP was pretty funny.I was kinda confused when I read The Shaft at first. For some reason at first I thought the gap you referred to was a gap in the doors of the elevator, as if the doors were partially open and you were inside. Once I figured it out though, that was another really weird dream. My only problem I have is that a large amount of it I didn't necisarily find funny, which is kinda the point. I can't really give any suggestions or ideas on how it could be funnier considering these were real dreams you had and it wasn't just a story you wrote, but I still thank you for sharing the dreams despite not wanting to.

Brettles: 60/100, 50/50

Comments: OHHHHH I get it. It took me a few reads to get the joke. Because Serperior has no arms? Not bad, but I feel like you could have made a funnier joke.

XaiakuX: 65/100, 35/50
The America joke was good. Anyone who knows my political opinions would know why I'd like that joke so much. The one about Fawkes though. I know you didn't really mean anything by it, but it kinda sounds like you are picking on him, so I'm not grading too highly on that. The third joke is also almost the exact same joke you entered week two, as well as being unoriginal, so you took a pretty big hit to originality for that. Overall, you would have done so much better if you had just ditched the second two jokes.

Prince Vultan: 80/100, 50/50, +5 for original theme
That's hilarious. I love the fact that you refer to him as a bear, as you are both members of Team Yoga Bears. It's short, but length doesn't always mean quality. Good work.

The_Hydra: 100/100, 50/50 +5 for original theme
Comments: It started off pretty funny, with the hilarious "New Disease" and the death row one, but finally when I got to the end, it was perfect. I laughed enough at the fact that they rented the toy because they were too cheap to buy it, but then when it got to the end of the story, first my jaw dropped because I couldn't believe what had happened, and then I started laughing out loud to rediculous ammounts. You get three thumbs up.

Lord Celebi: 70/100, 50/50 +5 for original theme
Comments: I consider this a legitimate entry. I give it a 7/3.14.

The Nonexistant Tazz: 80/100, 50/50, +5 for original theme
Comments: I... Don't know what I just read. This wasn't the "Ha Ha that's funny." Kind of humor. This was the "What the F*** did I just read." Kind of humor. I honestly don't even know what to comment. Just take the score.

Team Scores:

Please note that the scores include the participation bonuses mentioned in the first post.

Team Aqua: 139

Dirt Rotten Scoundrels: 113

Team Awesome: 103

Team Yoga Bears: 138

Team Magma: 158/150


Team Magma Wins!

Team Aqua comes in second!