[WAR] Season II: Creative Writing [Archive]

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Neo Emolga

06-07-2015, 05:11 AM

WAR Creative Writing

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y109/Ultradyne/WAR%20II%20Stuff/CreativeWritingLogo_zpsk9q9pzqa.png

Welcome to WAR Creative Writing! This is the place to crank out your literary genius and skills and win big for your team!

OK, MR. NEO EMOLGA, HOW DOES THIS WORK FOR WAR SEASON II?

It's easy. I'm sure most of us have written stories before, so this is the place to try and crank out the best ones you can. Your team will appreciate it! Your stories can be Pokémon or non-Pokémon, but there are some conditions that might force your story to be about Pokémon as part of the theme and parameters.

General Guideline

Each week has a theme, and you have the week to write out a story that follows that theme. You might see a theme like "nature" where you might see a story about natural survival, something with a forest setting, or something along those lines. When you're ready to start your story, create a whole new thread, but put [WAR] in the title so people are aware it's a story for WAR. You're welcome to invite everyone to read it, though. However, only you can work on it. You can't co-author a submission, but you're free to ask your teammates for recommendations and advice. Just keep in mind, you've only got until the end of the week before it gets judged!

As the week goes on, you're free to make as many updates, edits, additions, and such before judging time (as a heads up, I'll most likely be submitting judging results on Sunday afternoons, but I can't promise anything). If plans come up for Sunday... yep, you may be looking at Saturday crunch time. I'll try to be polite by giving heads up about this.

Parameters

In addition to the theme, there's certain parameters that need to be followed if you want to rake in a better rating, and they're mainly meant for fun and to get you to think outside the box. If you come up with clever ways to use them and work with them, you'll get my kudos and a better score.

You might see parameters such as:

Create a story where a Pokémon legendary is the main character.
Your story must begin with "It was all just meant to be a game. And then things went too far."
Your story has to be written in first person perspective (optional unless said otherwise).
Your story must involve a character's flashback.
The protagonist needs to be some kind of healer/doctor/medical professional.

This is the kind of stuff you might run into. You don't need to highlight anything to signal you're targeting a parameter. Just go for it, I'll catch 'em.

GRADING AREAS

I grade entries on the following five areas (your cheat sheet on how to get a high score!). The max score you can earn for each week is 100/100, so keep these five areas in mind when you write your stuff and you'll rock the house if you make it work well!

Originality (20 Points) - This is based on how original your entry is for the week. Sure, most ideas have been done before in some variant or whatever, but even so, you can still make something familiar seem unique or try something different that takes a risk and isn't afraid to break the boundaries and think outside the box. Be a little bold and be a cliché-breaker!

Following Objectives (30 Points) - This is where following the theme and the parameters will get you a higher rating. If you follow the directions carefully and make good use of the conditions that need to be met, you'll score big here. If you skip/forget them, you'll have to take a hit.

Spelling and Grammar (10 Points) - This is one of those essentials that is needed for any kind of writing. If your stuff is well-worded, was proofread, and isn't bogged down with goofy typos, you'll do great here. Don't be too hasty, check out it and proofread multiple times to make sure you catch everything! Reading it out loud also helps a lot with this.

Flow and Transition (20 Points) - To get points here, you need to make events and the plot flow nicely and not skip or seem choppy. If it seems like one thing happens and then something else happens but there doesn't really seem to be any connecting transition or connection between the two, you might not do too well here.

Hook and Interest (20 Points) - Does the story quickly hook in the reader and grab their interest? Does it keep the pace moving well and dash in a bit of spice here and there to keep things tense at the reader at the edge of their seats? Or does it dash in a bit of comedy to give the reader good chuckles? However you decide to do it, make your story fun and exciting to read, and you'll do well here.

RULES 'N STUFF

Please follow the Pokémon Crossroads Community Rules (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?152-Pokemon-Crossroads-Community-Rules) and the Writer's Desk Rules (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?137-Writer-s-Desk-Rules).
You need to be part of a WAR team to participate. If you're not on a team, join one!
Keep the content PG-13. Even though most people have seen M-rated content (Heck, I watch Game of Thrones, I've seen it all), it's best to keep it relatively clean just in case.
Don't plagiarize intentionally. It's okay to be inspired by something, but only use something like that as a starting point and build in a much different direction to make your story original and distinctive.
You're only allowed one entry per week, and it has to be written by you. That said, it's totally fine if you ask teammates for help, advice, or to proofread it for you, but they can't write anything for you.

SCORING AND OTHER GOODIES

For each week:

GOLD - The entry that gets the highest rating (out of 100) gets 3 points and the finest selection of bragging rights to choose from.
SILVER - 2nd place gets 2 points to jingle in their coffers.
BRONZE - 3rd place gets 1 point gleefully drop into their piggy bank.

Easy cheesy.

SUBMISSON FORM

You need to submit your entry in this thread when you are ready for it to be read and graded. However, I generally only start reading and grading when submission time is up, so don't worry about what was changed or what kind of revisions you had to make before judging happens, chances are pretty good I didn't catch it. Also, you HAVE to submit this form and post in this thread when you're done and finally submitting your entry, because if you don't, I have to assume you never finished. Sorry.

Name:
WAR Team:
Title of Entry:
Link to Submission:

Have fun, good luck, cheers and good times! http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y109/Ultradyne/Emolga_587.gif

WEEK #4

FINAL THEME: WHAT A DAY! WHAT A LOVELY DAY!

Congratulations on reaching the final round! You've made it through Pokémon being rewritten into mankind's history books, epic superheroes and powers, and the deepest plunge into fantasy you've ever dreamed of! We've broken the rules, made new heroes, distorted the timestream, and gone above and beyond imagination itself! After all that epic craziness and now that your long and incredible writing journey is coming to the last leg of the race, what could possibly be more challenging than what you've faced already? As the final arena of literary battles lies before you, what shadowy figure now emerges to be the ultimate final boss of this incredible and epic journey!?

It's me. MAH HA HA HA HA! http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y109/Ultradyne/Emolga_587.gif

Yes, folks, for years... I've always wanted to do this and I feel it would make for one epic and incredible final challenge. Get your wits, keyboards, and word processors ready, because it's time to crank them into full overdrive.

As the Fallout (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMS7Q4l1IE0), Mad Max (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoYlqdBtRSw), Book of Eli (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAMUv22y1og), and Borderlands (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWwsrh3xLWo) junkie I am, I'm a sucker for a great, post-apocalyptic settings with ruined cities, wild combat, struggling for survival, and even a little humor dashed in. Whether it's a freaked-out zombie apocalypse or intense desert fighting in a world were political correctness and formality has no place, show me your best story that takes the aftermath of a messed-up world and showcases the struggle that goes into trying to put it all back together. Satisfy the action and battle freak in me and prove the apocalypse is just the end of one beginning going into another!

The nature of the cataclysm is totally up to you! Whether your story takes place after nukes incinerated the world, zombies went wild, some natural disaster caused mass destruction, or something totally unexpected wiped most life and civilization off the planet, it's up to you to choose what you want to create and how you want to make it work.

And that's not all! Not only is the theme based on some of my favorite stuff, but so are the parameters!

Parameters

And Neo is My Name-o: Your story must feature an Emolga. You leave this out and I'll... *thunder rumbles*
Big Muscle: I'll have you know I drive a black Dodge Challenger (https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&site=imghp&tbm=isch&source=hp&biw=1135&bih=922&q=Dodge+Challenger&oq=Dodge+Challenger&gs_l=img.3..0l10.1415.3573.0.3943.16.8.0.8.8.0.97. 569.7.7.0....0...1ac.1.64.img..1.15.594.Q5-I4xoGMZ8) and I LOVE THAT CAR! Guess what car you're featuring in your story? Make good use of it too!
Angelic Firepower: I also have a strong liking to angels and think they're awesome. Ooh, we're getting tough now by stepping into the supernatural, aren't we?
Here There Be Dragons: "We need to feature dragons now too? Are you kidding!?" No, I'm not, because I think they're cool also! You can work them in there! Go all Sucker Punch (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnF4SpS9gUw) if you have to! (actually, this kind of wild movie would be a great way to start thinking about how you want to do this).
Stand For Something: The words "Forever Gold" must appear somewhere in your story. It's a motto I've enjoyed using for years ever since Superboy told me to "Stay Gold." In your story's context, it needs to have some meaning and significance.

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y109/Ultradyne/Emolga_587.gif
CAN YOU RISE TO MEET THE FINAL CHALLENGE!?

Neo Emolga

06-07-2015, 05:12 AM

WEEK #1

THEME: POKÉMON IN HISTORY

Imagine, if you will, Pokémon were real and on Earth. Now, take it one step further and go back into any point in world history, and imagine how it would be if there were Pokémon alongside humans. What would Medieval times be like? Or how about the Roaring 20s? Maybe you have a great idea for Pokémon in feudal Japan, ancient Egypt, or during the rise of the Roman Empire? Let it be as far back or as recent as you like!

Now, write a captivating story in the time period and place of your choice, but treat it as if Pokémon have been with us since the very beginning. (｡◕‿◕｡)

NOTE: Don't sweat the technical details like the usage of Poké Balls or man-made Pokémon. I'm okay if these kinds of things are present regardless of what time period and location you go with.

PARAMETERS
Going easy with these for Week 1, but the upcoming weeks will have more once people are accustomed to these!

Your story must have "finally they saw the light, but it definitely wasn't what they expected." You can decide whether to start with it, end with it, or put it somewhere in the middle! Also, you choose whether it's part of the narrative, or something a character says.
Make an Eeveelution of your choice have a significant role in the storyline, but it's up to you to decide how.

And that's it. Have fun with this one!

Elysia

06-07-2015, 05:33 AM

Stopping in to say that this week's theme looks incredibly awesome. Hopefully gonna stop in this week to submit something to this incredibly awesome theme. Also, hi.

Neo Emolga

06-07-2015, 05:44 AM

Stopping in to say that this week's theme looks incredibly awesome. Hopefully gonna stop in this week to submit something to this incredibly awesome theme. Also, hi.

Hey there!

Looking foward to seeing what you cook up! And yeah, I don't remember exactly how and when this idea jumped into my head, but I knew it was epic and definitely had to be done. Have fun working with it!

Noblejanobii

06-07-2015, 05:48 AM

*cracks knuckles* This looks fun! I'll sleep on it for a few hours and then pump out the masterpiece that will win it all! I already have a good idea too. This is what I've been waiting for!

Elysia

06-07-2015, 05:51 AM

Also, actual question here. Sorry for so much posting/bothering. When you say:

Your story must have "finally they saw the light, but it definitely wasn't what they expected." You can decide whether to start with it, end with it, or put it somewhere in the middle! Also, you choose whether it's part of the narrative, or something a character says.
could we possibly modify the pronouns? Ie, "finally we saw the light, but it definitely wasn't what we expected" or "finally you saw the light" or "finally I saw the light" or some iteration thereof?

Neo Emolga

06-07-2015, 02:21 PM

*cracks knuckles* This looks fun! I'll sleep on it for a few hours and then pump out the masterpiece that will win it all! I already have a good idea too. This is what I've been waiting for!

Awesomeness, I'm looking forward to seeing what you guys conjure up! I remember what the Creative Writing crew cranked out last year, so I know you guys are definitely going to roll out with plenty of creative and imaginative gems. :D

Also, actual question here. Sorry for so much posting/bothering. When you say:

could we possibly modify the pronouns? Ie, "finally we saw the light, but it definitely wasn't what we expected" or "finally you saw the light" or "finally I saw the light" or some iteration thereof?

No worries! Please, never be afraid to ask questions, it's definitely not bothersome in the slightest. And hey, yours is a good one.

I'm totally okay with people doing this. This is one of those things that would likely need to be adjusted to fit for first person or third person scenarios, or if you need to adjust it slightly to fit better with either using it for narrative or character speech. So yeah, if you need to do that, go on ahead, I'm not going to penalize anyone for doing that kind of thing unless they drastically change the sentence. Flipping a pronoun here and there is not a big deal.

LKWayvern

06-07-2015, 02:44 PM

Quick question, is there a maximum or a minimum amount for how long this has to be?

Neo Emolga

06-07-2015, 03:47 PM

Quick question, is there a maximum or a minimum amount for how long this has to be?

Nope! No limit. You can write something as long as War and Peace if you'd like, though that might take me a little bit more time to judge. XD

Noblejanobii

06-07-2015, 03:52 PM

Nope! No limit. You can write something as long as War and Peace if you'd like, though that might take me a little bit more time to judge. XD

Ok I'm just going to warn you now, mine is more than likely going to be very long since I like my stories to be… verbose I guess is the word for it. Helps me develop stuff and smooth out kinks and what not.

Neo Emolga

06-07-2015, 04:50 PM

Ok I'm just going to warn you now, mine is more than likely going to be very long since I like my stories to be… verbose I guess is the word for it. Helps me develop stuff and smooth out kinks and what not.

*High fives*

Welcome to the crew, I'm a lot like that also! XD

But yeah, no problem. If stories start to get really long, I might start reading on Saturday starting with whoever submitted their entry form first and working my way down the line.

Noblejanobii

06-07-2015, 04:58 PM

*High fives*

Welcome to the crew, I'm a lot like that also! XD

But yeah, no problem. If stories start to get really long, I might start reading on Saturday starting with whoever submitted their entry form first and working my way done the line.

Yeah and make sure to let them know first so they don't change anything after you've read it.

LKWayvern

06-07-2015, 05:07 PM

I thought that mine was going to be really short, but it's getting slowly longer and longer...
I hope that mine sounds like it's from the right time period. The closest thing I read to historical fiction is Steampunk, and this is definitely not Steampunk...

Neo Emolga

06-07-2015, 07:34 PM

Yeah and make sure to let them know first so they don't change anything after you've read it.

Yep, will do. I don't think it'll get to that point, but if it does, I'll give people a heads up via VM and post about it here.

I thought that mine was going to be really short, but it's getting slowly longer and longer...
I hope that mine sounds like it's from the right time period. The closest thing I read to historical fiction is Steampunk, and this is definitely not Steampunk...

I guess your muse does get overtime after all!

No worries. Besides the classics that get assigned in school from Grapes of Wrath, Across Five Aprils, and The Great Gatsby, there's plenty of other good examples. (http://www.goodreads.com/genres/historical-fiction)

ninjaskarmory

06-10-2015, 08:11 AM

Alright, I already have a few ideas floating around! So, all we have to do is choose a time period? It doesn't have to be something that actually happened in history?

Neo Emolga

06-10-2015, 11:16 AM

Alright, I already have a few ideas floating around! So, all we have to do is choose a time period? It doesn't have to be something that actually happened in history?

Nope, it doesn't, just as long as the time period and setting did exist, but it doesn't need to follow specific events.

Chakramaster

06-10-2015, 09:12 PM

Neo Emolga

06-10-2015, 09:56 PM

If it's not too late to join I may jump in and see what I can come up with. Usually pretty good at quick improvisation when it comes to making up a story like that....not so great at actual improv though (like Whose Line improv)...which is strange. Oh well, if it's not too late I'll read over the rules and such again apply or whatever is needed and get started!

You've still got plenty of time! And even so, I'm more of a quality over quantity kind of guy anyway.

Good luck, but if you've got questions, let me know. :D

Morzone

06-11-2015, 03:45 AM

Neo Emolga

06-11-2015, 03:57 AM

This is probably a stupid question, but where should I post my entry so I can link it? The code wanted a link to my submission, so obviously I'm not just putting it in the thread. Should I post it on my blog and link that? I looked into doing it as an attachment, but the attachment limit is too small when it is compatible and not compatible when the entry isn't too large. I'm just completely confused.

Nah, it's no biggie.

Start a new thread right here at the Writer's Desk forum (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?27-Writer-s-Desk) and post your story there. When you're all done writing everything up in however many posts you need, you post here, in this thread using the form, with the link to the story where it says "Link to Submission."

Let's say, for example, I was submitting the Trial of Juno Saga (shameless advertisement!) as an entry to this. I would just put this:

Name: Neo Emolga
WAR Team: The Phoenix Battalion
Title of Entry: The Trial of Juno Saga
Link to Submission: Right here! (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6710-The-Trial-of-Juno-Saga-PG-13)

Done. That's all you need to do. When it comes to submitting your story, you just need to have your submission post (like the one above) ready and posted before judging time.

Hopefully that makes it clear.

Chakramaster

06-11-2015, 04:55 AM

Suicune's Fire

06-11-2015, 12:59 PM

Chakramaster - You're free to opt in and out of weeks. :] You're not obliged to participate in any one week, or two. You don't have to have competed in previous weeks to compete in a later week, and vice versa. :]

And yes, any period of time, although history is the main focus so if it's, like, yesterday, then it might not be highly scored in the theme category. xD

RobinHoude

06-11-2015, 03:26 PM

Quick question: how complete do entries have to be in terms of story arc? The idea I've been working with this week is turning into a monster of a plot and I don't think I can easily trim it down enough that I can complete the arc before the deadline. Would something like a chapter (if it can be called that) be fine?

Neo Emolga

06-11-2015, 04:44 PM

So any time period or event in history from the world would suffice for this entry? What if I don't make the deadline for this one? Would I still be able to enter the next one? It'll be a little more time consuming for me is all since the only place I'd be able to write anything would be here on the forum rather than an actual Word Processor since mine broke as my computer starts dying out slower and slower. lol

Next week, it's a whole new theme with new parameters, so while you can't use Week #1's stuff for Week #2, if things didn't work out this week or you ran into a jam, just try again next week.

Quick question: how complete do entries have to be in terms of story arc? The idea I've been working with this week is turning into a monster of a plot and I don't think I can easily trim it down enough that I can complete the arc before the deadline. Would something like a chapter (if it can be called that) be fine?

I'd like something to be complete with an exposition, body, and conclusion. If it ends abruptly or not at all, it might not do as well as a submission that wraps everything up with a nice finisher.

I'm glad you're passionate about your story and have really gotten into the theme, but try your best to find some way to wrap it up before the deadline. A week really isn't too much time, so it's probably better to aim for something short and sweet that you have time to review and proofread than to cram in a novel that was submitted hastily at the last minute and never got the chance to be double-checked..

ninjaskarmory

06-12-2015, 05:45 AM

Do the people in the story have to talk like they would in that time period? Like, if I set the story in medieval times, would I have to use a bunch of -eths? Or can they just talk like people do now?

Suicune's Fire

06-12-2015, 06:21 AM

Eternal NewMoon

06-12-2015, 10:15 PM

Name: Eternal NewMoon
WAR Team: Red Dwarf Jupiter Mining Corporation
Entry Title: Moon and Shadows
Link: http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6783-WAR-Moon-and-Shadows

I really hope its okay and interesting >.<

Felly

06-12-2015, 10:20 PM

Name: Felly
WAR Team: Yoga Bears
Entry Title: Finding the Light
Link: Click. (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6789-WAR-Finding-the-Light)

Elysia

06-12-2015, 11:26 PM

Name: Elysia
WAR Team: Yoga Bears (represent, Felly! <3)
Entry Title: {what the stars said}
Link: I'm a link! (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6791-WAR-II-what-the-stars-said&p=154612#post154612)

Morzone

06-13-2015, 02:58 AM

Name: Morzone
WAR team: The prism League!
Entry title: No Friend: No Future
Link: http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6781-New-writers&p=154642&posted=1#post154642

May the best writer win!

RobinHoude

06-13-2015, 04:01 AM

Name: RobinHoude
Team: The Prism League
Title: Hide and Seek
Link: http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6795-WAR-Hide-and-Seek&p=154652#post154652

I ended up scrapping my previous idea and starting over with something a bit shorter. I think it turned out well though.

Neo Emolga

06-13-2015, 12:53 PM

So, I'm going to try and make this as fair as possible, but please understand that I need to divide up when and how I judge entries, because trying to do everything on Sunday is going to be a bit overwhelming. So...

SATURDAY READING

Moon and Shadows - By Eternal NewMoon

Finding the Light - By Felly

{what the stars said} - By Elysia

SUNDAY READING

No Friend: No Future - By Morzone

Hide and Seek - By RobinHoude

<And any last-minute Saturday submissions>

Hopefully this makes sense. :)

People can still definitely submit stuff for the rest of the day today, but I just wanted to get started on these early.

Noblejanobii

06-13-2015, 02:15 PM

Neo Emolga

06-13-2015, 03:18 PM

Lol I fell asleep before I could submit mine.

Name: NobleJanobii
WAR Team: Team Trainer
Title of Entry: When in Rome
Link to Submission:here (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6796-War-When-in-Rome%85)

Gotcha, you're all set for reading and scoring tomorrow. No worries, you're not late. :)

So far, I've read all of the stuff set for Saturday and man, you guys have awesome talent and writing ability! I'm looking forward to reading the rest of these tomorrow. I'll also post next week's theme up shortly after the judging results have been posted, so stay tuned!

LKWayvern

06-13-2015, 04:49 PM

Name: LKWayvern
WAR Team: Prism League
Title of Entry: A Heart Unchanged
Link to Submission: Mew. (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6798-War-A-Heart-Unchanged&p=154732#post154732)

Suicune's Fire

06-13-2015, 09:36 PM

Am I too late? =/ I'm so disheartened that I didn't have time this week to write. Unless I do still have time.

Pokemon Trainer Sarah

06-13-2015, 09:51 PM

It's still Saturday over there. You have a few more hours (unless Neo posts saying submissions are closed because he wants to start judging) go go go! Suicune's Fire

Neo Emolga

06-13-2015, 09:59 PM

Am I too late? =/ I'm so disheartened that I didn't have time this week to write. Unless I do still have time.

You have until midnight, Cinderella, so make the best of it and good luck!

Chakramaster

06-14-2015, 01:43 AM

I didn't have time myself to write the lengthy script I wanted to. So as much as I wanted to write something for this week's I just ran out of time....when I did try my computer wouldn't wake up from sleep mode so I lost what I had down =/

oh well I'll be sure to lookout for next week's and jump on it sooner so I have the time I need

FedoraChar

06-14-2015, 02:27 AM

omigoodnessI'mSoRushRightNow (really hope I have time to come back and finalize all this this is what happens when you get a puppy)

Name: FedoraChar
WAR Team: Phoenix Battallion
Title of Entry: Blackwood
Link to Submission: ARG MATEY (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6801-WAR-Blackwood)

Alright, so since I have a bit more time to get on here, I wanted to write a little about the background of this story (this was posted at 8:27 MST and no changes were made to the actual story before midnight est, I promise xD)

1st--capsules = Poke Balls; I know you wrote that bit about that tech being cool and all, but I just wanted to use something different because it didn't feel right using the term Poke Balls in a pirate setting xD

2nd--move attacks do not have the same names as they do in the games because the games' attack-names sound really modern and it would have felt out of place to me xD Summon wave = surf

3rd--I named the setting Port Kingler because I think that if Pokemon did exist in the real world, we would have cities/towns/places named after them; fun fact, though, is that Blackwood's blockade of Port Kingler is based on Blackbeard's blockade of Port Charleston, South Carolina. He intercepted a ship carrying some prominent Charleston citizens--including a member of the town's council, and used them as hostages to get medical supplies from the governor. Though he had a better time at it then Blackwood.

Blackwood was also inspired by Bartholomew Roberts, who also wore excessively red attire to battle.

IdidSoMuchResearchNeoI'mDying

Suicune's Fire

06-14-2015, 03:54 AM

Name: Suicune's Fire
WAR Team: Jupiter Mining Corporation
Title of Entry: Orb of Promises
Link to Submission: Clicky. (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6802-WAR-Orb-of-Promises&p=154843)

It's rushed, there are probably tonnes of typos, but alas. It is finished. With six minutes to spare. x___x I promise my entry next week will be better. HOPEFULLY I GET ONE IN ON TIME.

Neo Emolga

06-14-2015, 04:00 AM

FedoraChar

06-14-2015, 04:10 AM

I was pretty worried that I wasn't going to make it either xD

YAY US LAST MINUTE POSTERS 8D

Neo Emolga

06-14-2015, 04:25 AM

I was pretty worried that I wasn't going to make it either xD

YAY US LAST MINUTE POSTERS 8D

Hey, some people live for the pressure! But me... I kind of go into full goof-up mode if I do. XD

And like I told SF, if I'm going to need to put in an early Saturday deadline because of Sunday social fluff and the like, I will definitely let you guys know as soon as possible. Otherwise, I'm okay with people submitting entries all day on Saturday, but if the number of submissions piles up, I need to split up reading and grading between both days.

Noblejanobii

06-14-2015, 04:32 AM

Lol I tried not to procrastinate but that didn't happen and then I fell asleep before I officially submitted so I technically was late too.

Suicune's Fire

06-14-2015, 10:27 AM

Good luck to everyone! I'm really keen to see the results, but also the theme for next week. :]

Neo Emolga

06-14-2015, 05:59 PM

Holy snap, it was really, REALLY hard to grade these. There were plenty of great entries and ideas and I feel terrible I can only announce three winners while I feel many of you came up with fantastic stories and worked really well with the parameters I gave you all. Even if you didn't win anything, I enjoyed everyone's story in one way or another.

I tried my absolute best and I hope people feel these were fair. It was a lot to read, but you guys made it fun and I'm glad to see a lot of participation! You guys make it a treat to be Creative Writing judge! :D

But, without further delay, here's the results!

WEEK #1

THEME: POKÉMON IN HISTORY

Imagine, if you will, Pokémon were real and on Earth. Now, take it one step further and go back into any point in world history, and imagine how it would be if there were Pokémon alongside humans. What would Medieval times be like? Or how about the Roaring 20s? Maybe you have a great idea for Pokémon in feudal Japan, ancient Egypt, or during the rise of the Roman Empire? Let it be as far back or as recent as you like!

Now, write a captivating story in the time period and place of your choice, but treat it as if Pokémon have been with us since the very beginning. (｡◕‿◕｡)

NOTE: Don't sweat the technical details like the usage of Poké Balls or man-made Pokémon. I'm okay if these kinds of things are present regardless of what time period and location you go with.

PARAMETERS
Going easy with these for Week 1, but the upcoming weeks will have more once people are accustomed to these!

Your story must have "finally they saw the light, but it definitely wasn't what they expected." You can decide whether to start with it, end with it, or put it somewhere in the middle! Also, you choose whether it's part of the narrative, or something a character says.
Make an Eeveelution of your choice have a significant role in the storyline, but it's up to you to decide how.

THE RESULTS!

[GOLD - 3 POINTS] FIRST PLACE - Blackwood by FedoraChar (The Phoenix Battalion)
[SILVER - 2 POINTS] SECOND PLACE - {what the stars said} by Elysia (Team Yoga Bears)
[BRONZE - 1 POINT] THIRD PLACE - Orb of Promises by Suicune's Fire (Jupiter Mining Corp.)

THE REVIEW RUN!

Moon and Shadows by Eternal NewMoon
Jupiter Mining Corp

Originality (17/20)
Following Objectives (20/30)
Spelling and Grammar (5/10)
Flow and Transition (14/20)
Hook and Interest (15/20)

TOTAL: 71/100

Definite plus was the introduction, and it was high on the "whoa" factor. Also, the description, emotion, and action was, and I don't use this word too often, but the best way I can describe it is "enchanting." Later on, it seemed to slow down a bit and descriptions were a bit on the hit-and-run, but they're definitely still there. While I really like the way the story opens up, it tends to get a little rough toward the end when they're on the mission to find Kosuke. My suggestion would be to just ease in a little and give yourself a enough time to keep it slow, steady, and fluid.

A few flaws I found were mainly grammar mistakes, such as:

"Yue you worried me so much." should be "Yue, you worried me so much." and "The small creature hopped down, the moonlight rays illuminated his small black body, almost dog like. the golden rings upon it's ears, tail, legs and forehead glowed in the night." You missed a capitalization there. I noticed there were tiny flaws similar to these throughout the story. Just remember, you need commas before and after names when they're being addressed. Also, when a character says something like "No, that's not right" or "Sorry, I didn't mean to do that," you need a commas after that words like that.

Also, you missed the first parameter! I did a CTRL+F on it to see it I had missed it by accident, but not even "saw the light" or "what they expected" came up either. Sorry, I hate to have to do this, but I need to take a few points off for that.

Besides that, you definitely made fantastic use of the Eeveelution parameter. I definitely took a liking to Yue the Umbreon and you did an alright job with the setting, but I think it could have been brought out a bit more. It actually took me a little while before I was able to discern what it was.

But overall, good story. Just remember the parameters, clean up the grammar a bit by proofreading and/or asking another teammate to check it out, and just keep the flow clean, steady, and fluid.

Finding the Light by Felly
Team Yoga Bears

Originality (15/20)
Following Objectives (29/30)
Spelling and Grammar (8/10)
Flow and Transition (15/20)
Hook and Interest (17/20)

TOTAL: 84/100

Great opening and you kept a smooth and steady pace. Right off the bat, I knew exactly what you were going with and that was great. I also liked the way you implemented the Ancient Egypt setting and made creative use of Camerupt to replace camels. This was exactly the kind of thing I was hoping to see and you delivered. :)

Also, excellent use of the theme and the execution and use of both parameters was definitely A++ on that end. I know they're tricky to work with, but seeing how people creatively use them

Plot wise, I think the injection of the Gyarados attack was a bit random, even if the Espeon goddess had foreseen it. Don't get me wrong, the battle was definitely well-described and kept the action going strong, but giving the Gyarados a motive or plot-related reason to oppose the Umbreon god would have been a nice touch. Sure, we know he's probably hungry and needs lunch, but I think giving him more of an antagonist role would have been a plus.

I noticed a few tiny grammar flaws, but nothing earth-shattering. Overall, great work, looking forward to seeing more of your stuff!

{what the stars said} by Elysia
Team Yoga Bears

Originality (20/20)
Following Objectives (27/30)
Spelling and Grammar (9/10)
Flow and Transition (19/20)
Hook and Interest (20/20)

TOTAL: 95/100

POW. What a heck of an intro! Now that was an epic way to open up your story. All throughout this entire story, your writing is pure, unblemished, and vivid poetry that even got me thinking "hey, pay attention, she knows what she's doing and you can learn something from this!"

Certain gems that caught my attention were these:

"When she sees him again, neither of them are a day older, even though many winters have passed."
~ Amazing how one sentence says so much in so many different ways.

"Her stories are meant to be spread rather than caged, and rarely does she ask for a price."
~ Really like the way you make a non-living thing like a story suddenly feel like a physical and tangible thing that can be caged and purchased. Awesome use of metaphors.

"And even the wood of this man’s spear has drawn resilience from the fires of his strange flareon, their foxes dipped in flame.
~ I've never heard a Flareon described that way, and it's awesome.

For a minute, I was a little confused at how the story switches around, and then I realized "oh, she's going through various time periods one after another!" Took me a bit of time to realize that, but when I recognized it, I wanted to go back and read the previous material again. This was definitely a unique approach and I wasn't expecting it, but I like how it works and it made an excellent use of the theme. After reading the beginning again, I was actually thinking that was all figurative, but now I see how literal it is. I'm kind of new to someone doing something like this, but in that same light, this is why I maxed at your originality points, because you took a very interesting creative risk and personally, I feel it paid off beautifully. This is exactly what I would use to describe "word art."

And then, just when I thought this whole story couldn't get any more profound, you had this:

Finally, she sees the light, but it definitely isn’t what she expected.

The quiet countryside of Japan is burned into her eyes in a blast of light, and then it recedes into nothingness as the explosion travels outward and consumes them both.

I was not expecting that and holy cow... mind = blown. You addressed that parameter perfectly.

The Eeveelutions appearing throughout time was also a nice touch, but they didn't seem to have all that much of a role or influence in the story and towards the end, they stopped appearing altogether. I could see where it would be hard given what you set out to do with it, though. Meanwhile, the ending was also a surprise that I wasn't expecting either. I can tell you gave this one a lot of great thought and planning.

Overall, I love what you did with this and I found it to be very inspiring and eye-opening.

No Friend: No Future by Morzone
The Prism League

Originality (18/20)
Following Objectives (22/30)
Spelling and Grammar (8/10)
Flow and Transition (18/20)
Hook and Interest (17/20)

TOTAL: 83/100

I like how the story opens, and I like how you used the time period in conjunction with Pokémon. The story and the setting reminded me a bit of The Grapes of Wrath, and while most people I know weren't too crazy about that book, I liked it and the setting it used. You also did great with the description and it was quite easy to visualize it all.

One thing though... you forgot about the first parameter. You used the Eeveelution one really well and you linked it with the time period and like how well that was linked together with the coming of new technology and the hard choice George would have to make. This would have gotten an even higher score if you captured the first parameter, but you still did pretty well in that area regardless.

In terms of spelling and grammar, I found a few punctuation errors here and there, but nothing crucial.

Still, I like how you ended off the story in a sincere and emotional way. I like it when stories do that and you did a good job with this one.

Hide and Seek by RobinHoude
The Prism League

Originality (14/20)
Following Objectives (23/30)
Spelling and Grammar (9/10)
Flow and Transition (14/20)
Hook and Interest (13/20)

TOTAL: 73/100

This story starts off in a cute and playful way (guess you realized I'm a sucker for Pikachu and Emolga!) and it was easy to like the protagonist Pikachu and his Vaporeon friend.

You nailed both parameters pretty well, but the flaw that I couldn't help but notice was the description was on the low end and if you hadn't mentioned "Chicago," I don't think I could have deduced what time period and location you were going with since the farm setting didn't reveal very much of the setting besides that. The other thing is that while the hide and seek game the Pikachu and Vaporeon were playing was fun to read, it just didn't seem to tie too well with the setting and the theme of having the story relate to history. You nailed both parameters in a nice way, but I think it missed really making the time period link to the story's plot.

The story was also on the short side, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it just feels like developing it a bit more, building on the idea and the characters involved, and using that idea to link with the setting and historical time period you have netted you a higher score.

But overall, it was a cute, fun story and I think with a little development and polish, it could be made into something even better.

When in Rome by NobleJanobii
Team Trainer

Originality (18/20)
Following Objectives (29/30)
Spelling and Grammar (9/10)
Flow and Transition (13/20)
Hook and Interest (16/20)

TOTAL: 85/100

Great way to open up the story, but while you did a really fantastic job of describing Caesar, their surroundings didn't really get too well-described beyond being "accursed mountains." Also, I didn't realize the story was written from the perspective of a Leafeon until Caesar asked him about it. I think mentioning some of his features in the opening paragraph, such as the frost nipping at his brown paws and the snowy wind biting at his leaf tail and ears would have made it much easier to pick up on what the protagonist is. In fact, I was thinking he was human until that particular cue. Setting descriptions throughout the story could have used a little extra development, but in terms of the action, emotion, and the self-reflections that the protagonist had, you did great there.

You did make excellent use of the time period and both parameters. I recognize the fact this was a tricky thing to do, but you did great and I can definitely tell you did your homework with the time period.

The flow and transition area is where it could have used a bit of improvement, as the story seemed to jump and take different directions unexpectedly. At some points, it speeds up, and other points, it slows down and trying to grasp the passage of time was a bit tricky, especially after the breaks.

Still, great job and nicely done with the ending.

A Heart Unchanged by LKWayvern
The Prism League

Originality (18/20)
Following Objectives (28/30)
Spelling and Grammar (9/10)
Flow and Transition (16/20)
Hook and Interest (17/20)

TOTAL: 88/100

First thing I noticed was the formatting. It would help and it is easier to read if everything is separated into paragraphs with a line between them (pressing the Enter key twice). It wasn't too difficult to read, but it would help making it look neat and organized. :)

Some of it was a little choppy with sentences that didn't quite feel complete, and there were a few areas that could have used some description and motion, but it wasn't bad. These would definitely be improvements toward enhancing the story and would make it even better.

Also, very interesting idea of using the Salem, Massachusetts witch trials as your theme! I was not expecting that at all and your idea of using an Umbreon as the subject matter about it was a creative card you played exceptionally well. I also liked the way you captured emotions and the Umbreon's confrontation with the Herdier. I feel really bad for that Umbreon, he seemed like a nice guy too that just got stuck in the wrong place and wrong time.

I really liked the way you followed the theme and made exceptional use of the parameters and then finished it off with Arceus's intervention and a pretty strong message at the end. Bit of a shock to see the Umbreon was killed off, but you used that well.

Blackwood by FedoraChar
The Phoenix Battalion

Originality (19/20)
Following Objectives (30/30)
Spelling and Grammar (10/10)
Flow and Transition (20/20)
Hook and Interest (19/20)

TOTAL: 98/100

Yarrr, great way to open the story with plenty of vivid description, matey! That definitely pulls the reader right on in. XD

I love the description, the language, the quicksilver-like flow, and the personalities of all the characters involved. This was definitely a treat to read and your incorporation of Pokémon themes into pirate themes was definitely well done and professionally crafted.

When I got to the part with the duel, I really had no clue how it would go, so the building of intensity and suspense made it that much better. As first, I thought they were going to be drawing pistols on each other, but then I realized "it's a Pokémon battle, silly!" So I liked how you renamed certain Pokémon aspects into things like capsules, duels, and the names of moves. Also...

The pirate captain scowled, “Was that really necessary?”

I couldn't help but laugh at that.

Also, what an unexpected turn of events when the Espeon goes down! I totally did not see that coming and it was a very creative plot mechanic. Definitely, without a doubt, you made great use of pirates and Pokémon and it was a very enjoyable read with a fantastic plot twist.

Orb of Promises by Suicune's Fire
Jupiter Mining Corporation

Originality (19/20)
Following Objectives (26/30)
Spelling and Grammar (9/10)
Flow and Transition (19/20)
Hook and Interest (18/20)

TOTAL: 91/100

Very interesting opening to a love story! And man, what a brutal protagonist you've got there! I definitely think this was a very well-done story, especially considering it was down to the wire with the submission time! It doesn't feel like it was rushed that much, which is good. I caught a few mistakes here and there, but nothing too major.

The description was really well done, and it was definitely a story with a lot of action, movement, and pacing. It was also neat to see a story that relied a lot of the protagonists reflections and how far she was willing to go to achieve her goals.

I could definitely tell you did your homework on the theme and time period given all the names you used. Also, what a surprise at the ending! That's definitely a rough way to leave it off!

Overall, great story, would have liked to see the Espeon make more of an appearance, but I think you did alright with that. You definitely made great and surprising use of the other parameter though!

Morzone

06-14-2015, 06:57 PM

In hindsight it's really obvious where I could've put the first parameter, so now I'm really annoyed at myself for not finding a way to put it in there earlier. aaaaargh

Congrats to the three winners! You all had awesome stories.

Noblejanobii

06-14-2015, 07:05 PM

The transitions were supposed to be jumpy and the identity of the protagonist was intentionally vague. It was supposed to cover a great deal of time in a little entry, like Rome was reflecting on his life after his death. I purposely made you think he was human in the beginning, because I didn't want you to realize what he was until we met Caesar. All of that was purposeful.

Neo Emolga

06-14-2015, 08:33 PM

Anywho, here we go with Week #2!

WEEK #2

THEME: WITH GREAT POWER...

Whether or not you're familiar with the recent and upcoming movie releases of superhero movies like Avengers: Age of Ultron, Superman: Man of Steel, Ant Man, Deadpool, and all the others, we've seen the varying kinds of challenges that superheroes from Marvel, DC, and all the other realms imagination has brought to life from comic books, games, and movies. These men and women have amazing and supernatural abilities, or they may just be extremely skilled in what they do. But no matter what their powers are or where they came from, they all face unexpected and difficult challenges from adversaries that are just as strong and powerful as they are.

Now it's your turn!

Your story needs to be about a superhero (or team of superheroes) of your own original creation. You decide what they look like, what their powers and/or skills are, and what kinds of threats they face to force them to keep their wits! Now, put them into action with a story that brings them to life and puts them to the ultimate test!

NOTE: You can go with or without Pokémon on this one!

Parameters

The Vision - Write the story in first person perspective. The viewpoint character doesn't have to be the main superhero either. They can be a sidekick, a witness, or even the supervillain!
Rage Against the Machine - Make the villain/adversary (or one of the villains/adversaries) machine and/or technology related.
Great Responsibility - End your story with a profound and insightful quote or moral that teaches a compelling and memorable life lesson.

VeloJello

06-14-2015, 08:57 PM

I'm guessing it would've been mentioned in the parameters if it was, but is it strictly necessary to use Pokemon in this prompt?

Noblejanobii

06-14-2015, 09:25 PM

It does say that you don't have to use them but they can be included.
Velocity

VeloJello

06-14-2015, 09:38 PM

It does say that you don't have to use them but they can be included.
Velocity

Um. I definitely missed that, yup! Thank you. :>

LKWayvern

06-14-2015, 10:35 PM

I was worried that someone might get insulted by the opinions in my story... I was trying to use The Crucible as a reference for mine.
Anyways, I'm happy you liked it, Neo, even if I didn't get top 3! ^^
Also, superheroes. I've been working on an original team, they're not completely fleshed out yet, but this might help... If I find the time! *.*

Suicune's Fire

06-14-2015, 11:35 PM

Sounds like a great theme! :D Congratulations to Elysia and FedoraChar. c: I'm pretty happy with my mark. x) I found so many grammatical errors when I proof-read it after the deadline... xD Oopsie.

I wanted to include the espeon and make him sort of ever-present rather than physically present, but I realise that I could have worked on that better. It wasn't meant to be a love story, really. It was supposed to be implied that she was under his psychic control, but didn't know it. It was rather ambiguous though, but it's part of the reason why I included that line in the beginning about "such ideas repulsed her." Lel. Also, the sort of "reason" behind why the espeon is manipulating her, well, his name is Yacat. That's short for Yacatecuhtli, which is the Aztec god of merchants. I know that this wasn't explained, nor is it general knowledge. xD So essentially he was a god, and he was making her steal for him to further his riches as the god of merchants. If I had planned my writing schedule better, I'd have explained that. xD

Anyway, the prompt looks cool! :D Honestly I'm still tempted to use pokemon in there but I'll see how I go. x) Thanks for your hard work judging, Neo!

Elysia

06-16-2015, 12:51 AM

Golly, Neo, your words are so flattering o.O I've never heard of anyone comparing my work to word art haha. MY HEAD IS GOING TO BE TOO BIG TO FIT THROUGH DOORS ANYMORE LA LA LA TOO STRONK SUCH FLATTER MUCH WOW.
Seriously, though, I'm so glad you enjoyed ^^ The piece was a little experimental and I rarely get to spend so much time worldbuilding, so it was an absolute pleasure to write and I'm glad it turned out well.

On another note, this week's prompt also sounds super awesome. I have an idea that I've been kicking around for years that I'm just dying to get fully fleshed out. there will be blood lol flesh puns

Suicune's Fire

06-16-2015, 01:13 PM

@Neo Emolga, question: do we have to use first person perspective throughout the entire story, or is it allowed to shift at all?

Neo Emolga

06-16-2015, 02:36 PM

@Neo Emolga, question: do we have to use first person perspective throughout the entire story, or is it allowed to shift at all?

I'd like the first person perspective to be from beginning to end, please.

Bulbasaur

06-18-2015, 04:29 PM

Sorry if I'm sounding dumb, but when are entries for week 2 due?

Neo Emolga

06-18-2015, 05:59 PM

Sorry if I'm sounding dumb, but when are entries for week 2 due?

Saturday the 20th at 11:59 PM EST is the very last minute I can take them. So as long as you submit before then, you're gold.

Suicune's Fire

06-18-2015, 11:45 PM

Yes, Bulbasaur, I submitted with six minutes to go, last week... xD This week I've learned, however. I'm not gonna do it all last minute. >:3

Noblejanobii

06-20-2015, 04:12 AM

Well I tried not to go borderline this week but so far that's not working out. Hopefully I can find a good end point for this soon. XD

EDIT: And here we go. Much longer than last week's entry I think (this one took longer in my opinion).

Name: NobleJanobii
WAR Team: Team Trainer
Title of Entry: Sound off
Link to Submission: here (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6846-WAR-Week-II-Sound-off&p=155765&viewfull=1#post155765)

Better start reading Neo Emolga

Suicune's Fire

06-20-2015, 04:57 AM

Wow, I forgot to actually post my entry here because I'm smart. Thanks, Noble, for reminding me. xD

Name: Suicune's Fire
WAR Team: Jupiter Mining Corporation
Title of Entry: The Grinder Good
Link to Submission: kthxbai (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6845-WAR-Week-II-The-Grinder-Good)

Noblejanobii

06-20-2015, 04:57 AM

Lol I did the same thing last week.

Darn I thought I was going to win by being the only entry. Curse that traitor Suicune's Fire!

Suicune's Fire

06-20-2015, 05:04 AM

Nice try, my adversary. >;3

http://i.imgur.com/Od82Tzg.gif

Neo Emolga

06-20-2015, 01:35 PM

Hope no one minds if I start reading now. I'm at the DMV, and because that's such a fun and amazing experience full of happiness and cheer, it gives me fun stuff to do in the meantime.

(Thank God for smartphones...)

Suicune's Fire

06-20-2015, 02:01 PM

That should be fine, but if you're reading mine, I just fixed a typo. xP

Noblejanobii

06-20-2015, 03:13 PM

Lol I keep noticing typos that I gotta fix so you might want to hold off while I fix mine. XD

EDIT: Man, I never realized how many comma errors I make at 1 am. Ok, hopefully I fixed everything.

Neo Emolga

06-20-2015, 04:29 PM

Lol I keep noticing typos that I gotta fix so you might want to hold off while I fix mine. XD

EDIT: Man, I never realized how many comma errors I make at 1 am. Ok, hopefully I fixed everything.

Well, I started with yours while I was at the DMV, but I'll start from the beginning to be fair. Besides, I usually like to write up reviews while I read the story to make sure I capture everything.

Noblejanobii

06-20-2015, 04:32 PM

Well, I started with yours while I was at the DMV, but I'll start from the beginning to be fair. Besides, I usually like to write up reviews while I read the story to make sure I capture everything.

Yeah I was afraid of that. Sorry, but it looks like you've only gotten two entries as of right now, so it won't be took much hassle I guess. This probably would have been bad if I had done this last week.

Elysia

06-20-2015, 04:37 PM

^Haha I had that happen last week ("atlast"? Noooooooooo), and this week I haven't even entered yet. That'll show them!

...loljokes

FedoraChar

06-20-2015, 11:04 PM

Can I just say how glad I am you did this for a theme? I've been wanting to do something with superheroes and had this idea in my head for a really long time, but you finally gave me an excuse to get it out! :D

Name: FedoraChar
WAR Team: Phoenix Battalion
Title of Entry: Stranger Knights
Link to Submission: Here, my good sir! (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6855-WAR-Stranger-Knights&p=155866#post155866)

Also, for a fun note, I was heavily inspired by these guys from Kingdom Hearts:

http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/kingdomhearts/images/5/55/TAVArmor.png/revision/latest?cb=20110808004419

I'm endlessly fascinated by the concept of Keyblade Warriors as a people, and in my mind they kinda are superhuman. I've wanted for the longest time to place an archetype of them in a superhero story, just to see how it would go. I guess you could consider this story a very, very, very, loose AU of Kingdom Hearts xD Although ultimately, in the end, I hope it came across as something very unique and of its own character ^^ ((tho prolly not as unique as Grace's awesome story xD))

EDIT: Also, is it bad that I have my charrie cuss, but since I'm too much of a sissy to actually write it out I sensor it? xD

Felly

06-20-2015, 11:37 PM

Name: Felly
Team: Yoga Bears
Entry: click (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6856-WAR-Tales-of-Crystalis-ft-Robots)

Gonna go ahead and submit this because I feel like I'm falling asleep and I'll miss deadline if I don't post now.

Noblejanobii

06-21-2015, 01:18 AM

Darn Suicune's Fire our plan didn't work.

Morzone

06-21-2015, 02:43 AM

Name: Morzone
Team: the Prism League!
Title: CAPTAIN BEACON: ORIGINS
Entry link: http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6781-New-writers&p=155901#post155901

There is nothing worse than writers block that starts on Tuesday morning and lasts until Friday night. This story is a less edited than I would of liked, but I wanted to get in in, so yeah. Sorry for being so late with it. Good luck everyone!

Elysia

06-21-2015, 03:33 AM

Name: Elysia
Team: Yoga Bears!
Title: {if i were a bird}
Entry Link: http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6858-WAR-II-if-i-were-a-bird&p=155910#post155910

A couple of things:
=this is actually only half a story. I'm sorry. I'm still editing the second half, but if it's not done in the next half hour, what I've posted seems like a manageable stopping point. Also, the ending I'm imagining is massive, so probably not gonna make you sit through that.
=title from the song "If I Were A Bird"/Rolo's Theme from Code Geass, which is a really amazing anime that also has a bunch of robots, but otherwise, no similarities. I also wrote a lot of this story to the harp version of this tune, and it's gorgeous and you should all love it too. <3 (http://youtube.com/watch/?v=OxONXVG2rcI#If_I_Were_a_Bird)
=this is an incredibly messed up story. Gore and cursing a lot, but it still stays in my definition of PG-13, I think. I also bleeped out the worst of the curse words, heh.
=playing with first person narrators is actually really fun. I sacrificed my prosaic style and threw it to the wolves, but still fun.
=deconstructing superhero origin stories is also really fun. kind of. We'll see how that turned out in the end.

Neo Emolga

06-21-2015, 08:42 PM

Holy snapdragon, you people sure can write a LOT in just a week!

So many epic stories yet again, and it was tough to decide on winners also. Some of you took a great approach with the traditional idea, and others totally caught me by surprise, but in great ways.

Overall, another awesome week for Creative Writing. And so without further fluff from me, here's the results for Week #2:

WEEK #2

THEME: WITH GREAT POWER...

Whether or not you're familiar with the recent and upcoming movie releases of superhero movies like Avengers: Age of Ultron, Superman: Man of Steel, Ant Man, Deadpool, and all the others, we've seen the varying kinds of challenges that superheroes from Marvel, DC, and all the other realms imagination has brought to life from comic books, games, and movies. These men and women have amazing and supernatural abilities, or they may just be extremely skilled in what they do. But no matter what their powers are or where they came from, they all face unexpected and difficult challenges from adversaries that are just as strong and powerful as they are.

Now it's your turn!

Your story needs to be about a superhero (or team of superheroes) of your own original creation. You decide what they look like, what their powers and/or skills are, and what kinds of threats they face to force them to keep their wits! Now, put them into action with a story that brings them to life and puts them to the ultimate test!

NOTE: You can go with or without Pokémon on this one!

Parameters

The Vision - Write the story in first person perspective. The viewpoint character doesn't have to be the main superhero either. They can be a sidekick, a witness, or even the supervillain!
Rage Against the Machine - Make the villain/adversary (or one of the villains/adversaries) machine and/or technology related.
Great Responsibility - End your story with a profound and insightful quote or moral that teaches a compelling and memorable life lesson.

THE RESULTS!

[GOLD - 3 POINTS] FIRST PLACE - The Grinder Good by Suicune's Fire (Jupiter Mining Corp.)
[SILVER - 2 POINTS] SECOND PLACE - {if i were a bird} by Elysia (Team Yoga Bears)
THIRD PLACE - Sound Off by NobleJanobii (Team Trainer)

THE REVIEW RUN!

Sound Off by NobleJanobii
Team Trainer

Originality (20/20)
Following Objectives (28/30)
Spelling and Grammar (9/10)
Flow and Transition (15/20)
Hook and Interest (18/20)

TOTAL: 90/100

First off, thank you for giving me a great read while I was at the DMV!

The idea of using a rock band as a team of superheroes is brilliant. I haven't seen that kind of thing done before on a mainstream level and it was a nice touch that I could potentially see going big. Also, I like the cool, casual, and collected style the story has. You made a great use of the first person parameter made it easy to relate to Sloane's style and casual nature.

You definitely went in DEEP for each character, practically giving each of them an entire story of their own! I was surprised at how much you went into Dylan's, Alex's, Anthony's, and Sloane's backgrounds, and you did a great job at making them very believable characters with unique personalities, likes and dislikes, and you gave them more description than I see most people giving their RP characters! The only change I would have made is have a few things going on while you're describing the band, as the story takes a bit of a pit stop to go into all this detail, but it's not a biggie.

As for the Akumu, cool name for supervillains, but it would have been nice to see them with a motive for their attacks and how they came to be. Even if Sloane doesn't personally know, having her theorize about it would have been a nice touch.

I found a few grammar mistakes. Nothing crippling, but for the most part, it was pretty clean. The flow was a little bit jumpy, but nothing too crazy. It was a bit tricky for me to figure out where the story left off, but it wasn't too much of a problem.

Overall, I really like the idea of a rock band of superheroes (hence, MAX originality score!). I also like the way you ended it, although I was hoping to see how it would all turn out! But overall, great story and I can tell you worked hard on it. :D

The Grinder Good by Suicune's Fire
Jupiter Mining Corp.

Originality (20/20)
Following Objectives (30/30)
Spelling and Grammar (10/10)
Flow and Transition (20/20)
Hook and Interest (20/20)

TOTAL: [B]★100/100★ EPIC WIN AWARD!

Definitely a great opening! You start off with a fantastic intro, and then... the reality of being a barista hits! The level of detail and description is fantastic, making me consider there's a high possibility you've worked as a barista before. And if you haven't, dang, you sure did your homework and came armed to the teeth in preparation on this kind of stuff!

The idea of giving all the machines and pieces of equipment human-like names and personification is definitely unique and added a nice touch to it. I never suspected this kind of idea to be used for this theme, but it's cool and made it fun and easy to follow. Honestly, I think it's awesome the way you have the machines, coffee beans, and equipment communicate with each other with their own lingo and terminology to essentially gave them their own culture! Instant max originality points, no questions, ifs, ands, or buts.

The way you made the microwave seem like the supervillian is so funny and so amazingly well-done. Lines like "There was no question that what that microwave did was barbaric and beyond questionable" had me rolling in laughter, especially after a recent incident with chili exploding in my own. Then, I wasn't expecting the twist where everyone in the cafe suddenly turns on Cole either, so when I first thought the Micah the microwave was the culprit, I almost expected the story to be straightforward from there on in, but then things turned and suddenly I was left guessing who was the real hero and who was the villain!

The intervention on Cole was a surprise, and the way the rest of the machines defeated Cole was definitely an unexpected end. At several points, I thought I could guess where the story was going, but then things changed, darker plots developed, and you wrapped it all up beautifully in a perfect blend that felt like a suspense and mystery story. Well done with the idea, the use of parameters, and weaving everything together into an original, fantastic, and incredible story.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what a perfect score looks like. Awesome and epic job!

Stranger Knights by FedoraChar
The Phoenix Battalion

Originality (15/20)
Following Objectives (26/30)
Spelling and Grammar (8/10)
Flow and Transition (19/20)
Hook and Interest (17/20)

TOTAL: 85/100

I like the way you open this up with the protagonist's style and attitude. "Mr. Creepo's" warning message seems alluding. Is he really warning her or just out to stalk her again? The way Cassie reflects on these things was definitely well done and made her an easy character to relate to.

When Cassie meets up with the team in the square clearing, it got me wondering what was going to happen next and what Cassie's role in all of it was going to be. Also, this line was fantastic:

"I find everything is much more enjoyable when you stop trying to make sense of everything and just embrace the insanity of it all."

I love the language you used. It's witty, clever, playful and definitely well-timed. Cassie Poole is definitely a nicely made and "real people terms" character that realistically doesn't accept all the crazy things that are coming to her. Definitely great use of the first person viewpoint!

The use of the IONs was interesting, but I think a little more background on them was needed in terms of explaining their motives, why they were after the Knights and Cassie, and what might happen if they ended up winning. I caught a few grammar mistakes, like "Because, my dear, you one of us." is missing an "are" between "you" and "one." Nothing major, though. The other thing is I'm not sure the third parameter was met in this case. I was kind of hoping for a finishing line that could be open-ended to anyone, but definitely relate to the main character.

But overall, it's a good story, and I think it's strongpoint was definitely in the great use of first person perspective and the flow of the story was good without any weird skipping around.

Tales of Crystalis ft. Robots by Felly
Team Yoga Bears

Originality (16/20)
Following Objectives (24/30)
Spelling and Grammar (9/10)
Flow and Transition (13/20)
Hook and Interest (15/20)

TOTAL: 77/100

Interesting plot with the crystal! Grants any wish but disappears for four years... I like that idea and it's a nice allure with a catch.

The story does rush into things quickly without explaining too much about what's going on or really getting into introducing the characters, Elemental City, and what kind of roles these characters are in. Are they bloodline guardians of Elemental City, hired mercenaries, or military recruits? Before the reader finds out, they're already being given a mission by an unnamed Elder and we never really find out. I would recommend developing on this a bit more so it's a bit easier for the reader to follow along and get a sense of what role these character play in this different society. The flow was also a bit choppy. Ease into things slowly and carefully, and be wary about when you use "***" breaks, as if you jump from one thing into another without getting the reader up to speed about what happened in the meantime, it's a bit hard to follow.

On the other hand, having the robotic arch-enemy resemble the protagonist's brother made into a machine was definitely an interesting perk and a great plot device. The way it affects the battle was definitely well played and the demoralizing effect it has on Kumiko was nicely carried out.

I'm not sure how I feel about the ending though. Flame using the wish on something wasteful was... eh, something that easily could have been good working grounds for further plot development, such as Kumiko getting the wish to communicate with her lost brother and tell him that things have been made right, or use it to ensure the dark technology that resulted in the robotic likeness of Kashiyo would be gone to give it closure. Also, you missed the third parameter.

Overall, good story and there were a lot of cool features such as the wish crystal and the robotic doppelganger of the protagonist's brother, but I think there's some areas where further development would really help make it shine.

CAPTAIN BEACON: ORIGINS by Morzone
The Prism League

Originality (13/20)
Following Objectives (24/30)
Spelling and Grammar (7/10)
Flow and Transition (14/20)
Hook and Interest (14/20)

TOTAL: 72/100

I like how the story opens up with an office worker, as I can definitely relate to that! The level of science fiction you went into was really nicely done as well. It does rush into things pretty quickly, so I would suggest slowing down a tiny bit. Not too much was covered about Dr. Zohar's past, and I'm sure there was something there that could have been brought up a little more to help develop him as a character.

I think more could have been done to develop the android, as it felt kind of injected into the storyline and probably should have been given more of a role before the incident with the quartz. Maybe having the android be the remains of a previously failed or rejected experiment would have been more interesting and would have given it more of a role in the character's background. The android's motives are well-established and you made it a good villain, but I fell there was some room to expand on it.

There were some grammar and capitalization mistakes. Most of them were just minor ones, but I think proofreading one or two more times would have helped you catch all of them. I also didn't see the third parameter being used. Be careful to make sure you track them all, as they're part of the challenge.

Overall, I felt it was good, a little on the short side, but I feel with extra development and looking at past winners to get ideas and follow their examples, you will definitely improve.

{if i were a bird} by Elysia
Team Yoga Bears

Originality (20/20)
Following Objectives (30/30)
Spelling and Grammar (10/10)
Flow and Transition (18/20)
Hook and Interest (18/20)

TOTAL: 96/100

I was definitely surprised at the beginning and the whole "you need to be ugly," which is usually the exact opposite of what a mother would tell a daughter. Stuff like that has great shock value and I like it when people go against the norm. Definitely a great starting point to work with and you used a lot of powerful and meaningful words right in the intro.

Scarlet's power of foresight is well-designed, and seems to come with more detriments than benefits. The way she foresees and experiences her mother's death was well captured, and Scarlet's personal reflection on it was handled very well also. Overall, it's a pretty brutal and emotionally hard opening for the story, and the way Scarlet struggles with it and keeps telling herself "today is not my someday" was well done. Also, the way you used it that half-hearts were once people is a pretty grizzly but well-used implementation of the second parameter.

Also, I love the dystopian setting you've created for this. Scarlet's struggles are made even more apparent, and the reader definitely gets a strong sense of all the hardships she has to endure and work around to survive. When the reader discovers exactly why her mother tried to make her appear ugly, it sends a very profound and powerful message.

The use of the half-hearts (great name for psychotic killing machines!) is well done also. The flow and transition was a bit tricky to follow, as I didn't realize years were passing and instead it was only a few days here and there. It also seemed like the length of the story could have been trimmed just a tiny bit, but overall, I didn't find that much filler.

I have no idea how you managed to write so much great material in just a week. To have written this much and have barely any grammar mistakes is definitely an incredible job. Toward the end, there are some really powerful sentences as things get intense and desperate. You also had an epic and awesome way of wrapping up the story, and made great use of the third parameter as well.

Noblejanobii

06-21-2015, 09:11 PM

Yes! I won something! YUSH! Suicune's Fire And you said I was wrong about you winning first!

Morzone

06-21-2015, 10:11 PM

Once I stop beating myself up over all of my mistakes, I will listen to your advice Neo. You're completely right and it will help me, but missing a parameter for the same reason two weeks in a row does a little more than annoy me. Maybe next week I won't do it again.

Suicune's Fire

06-22-2015, 01:11 AM

Neo, you are too kind. ;~; I can't believe I scored 100/100 points! I'm so flattered! I can hardly even words right now! asnjol,jreuawcpnmghureap (Also, no, I haven't worked as a barista, but I've made coffee using the machines before. xD)

Well done to everyone else! ^v^ Noblejanobii - I'm proud of you. ;o; Congrats on third! And well done to Elysia for second! :D

Noblejanobii

06-22-2015, 01:34 AM

Suicune's Fire

06-22-2015, 01:46 AM

Thank you Xanthe! I was actually telling Max the other day I had a lot more fun writing this entry probably because no one died in this one and Neo seems to agree, this one was more fun.

Oh and Neo, if you would like, maybe after war I can continue the adventures of Sound-Off.

No worries! ^v^ Haha yeah, I had a lot more fun with this one too! My reasons differed slightly...mainly because week one for me was rushed and turned out pretty poorly. XD But yeah. This theme was better. c:

That would be awesome, Noble! O: I think people should totally do that if they like an idea they used for a WAR story!

Also Neo Emolga, when is the new theme gonna be up? O:

Neo Emolga

06-22-2015, 01:55 AM

Also Neo Emolga, when is the new theme gonna be up? O:

Soon, I got pulled into some sudden and unexpected Father's Day activities. :P

It should be up before midnight.

Noblejanobii

06-22-2015, 01:56 AM

Well I did really like week one's theme though because I'm a huge history and mythology person so being able to delve into that side of me was fun.

Yeah what you see above would probably be chapter 1 and I would probably work on it on the side because Tri-Kappa Labs is my priority. (I still need to make those grammar changes though and finish chapter 9 but after WAR)

For your father Neo or for you?

Midnight EST or?

Neo Emolga

06-22-2015, 02:03 AM

For your father Neo or for you?

Midnight EST or?

Midnight EST. My dad wanted to watch a movie. :P

Should be up in about an hour.

Suicune's Fire

06-22-2015, 02:06 AM

YEAH NOBLE. YOU DO NEED TO MAKE GRAMMAR EDITS. GOSH. *cries in a corner*

For Neo, obviously. He is the story daddy.

P.S. Are Australians the only ones who have Father's Day in September? O.o

Noblejanobii

06-22-2015, 02:47 AM

I WILL DO IT TOMORROW IF I HAVE TIME!!

*waits impatiently*

PS: I know Fiji celebrates it in September.

Neo Emolga

06-22-2015, 03:33 AM

Here we go, here we go!

WEEK #3

THEME: DEEP INTO FANTASY

The fantasy genre, known for giving us great novels and movies like Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and A Song of Ice and Fire, is best known for its magic, presence of mystical creatures and relics, and intriguing storylines that could only be possible when the rules of science are broken. What kinds of new territory will you find when you explore different perspectives in magic territory?

Guess what? You're going in even deeper than that.

I also want you to make your story screw with all the rules in an Alice in Wonderland, the Matrix, and Inception kind of way, and have things work in a whole new system that takes the reality we once knew and changes it as if our deepest and darkest dreams leaked out and took over. Pull off the veil that opens a door into a world that lies just behind our perception, or build your story on the premise of a "what if" scenario where even just a few simple adjustments makes a whole new reality possible.

This week, blow everyone's minds away and introduce us to a world and a reality only you could have ever dreamed possible with your darkest secrets and most intense and wildest imagination.

Parameters

Flower Power - A flower (or flowers) of strange and mystical significance needs to have a part in the plotline you design. It's totally up to you to decide what it does!
Devoted Guardian - Your main character needs to be a loyal guardian and protector of something or someone. You decide what that is and why they need to keep it safe! (NOTE: This parameter can be combined with parameter #1)
No Humans Allowed! - Rise to the challenge and make a story completely without humans! The very most you can do is have a human that wakes up in a whole new world as something completely different... (kind of like Pokémon Mystery Dungeon)

Originality is key here, people! Good luck and I'm looking forward to seeing what you guys cook up!

FedoraChar

06-22-2015, 03:33 AM

Morzone

06-22-2015, 03:35 AM

Holy shiz, this is an awesome prompt. Making random ideas is almost easier than making those same crazy ideas fit together into a decent plot... Challenge accepted!

Noblejanobii

06-22-2015, 03:38 AM

*sees title* YUSH!! *adorns elf gear* MY TIMETH HATH COME!! THOU WHO DAREST TO OPPOSETH ME MUSTH BE WARNED!! FANTASY ISTH MY NATURAL ELEMENTH! TO BATTLETH!!

ninjaskarmory

06-22-2015, 03:40 AM

http://i.imgur.com/5CAYNrn.gif

All I have to do is have a crazy dream and then I can use the universe the dream was in!! That's the basis for most of my stories anyway c'x

Neo Emolga

06-22-2015, 03:46 AM

http://i.imgur.com/5CAYNrn.gif

All I have to do is have a crazy dream and then I can use the universe the dream was in!! That's the basis for most of my stories anyway c'x

There you go!

And yeah, I've had a LOT of strange dreams that make awesome premises for stories. Crank out your best and don't let anything hold back your imagination here!

(Glad to see people are excited about Week #3's prompt! :D)

Noblejanobii

06-22-2015, 03:48 AM

I AM SO HYPE YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!

Suicune's Fire

06-22-2015, 04:05 AM

Hot dang, congrats, Grace! 8D And all the others, too! :D (rockbandsuperheroesftw)

I feel really embarrassed by forgetting that "are" in that one sentance xD I find that I tend to do that a lot ^^' (especially when I edit things over and over xD)

also happy father's day story daddy

Guys, I was thinking--maybe after the WAR we could have a thread discussion on all the stories we wrote? Like a feedback and additional critique thread where we talk to each other about what we liked in our stories. Anyone up for that? ^^
Thank you, Char! I'm so sorry I didn't say congrats last week BUT CONGRATS FOR LAST WEEK!!!!

You wouldn't believe how many errors I found while combing through mine. And ones others found. xD

I LOVE the idea of doing that in a thread after WAR! 8D Totally up for it.

http://i.imgur.com/5CAYNrn.gif

This is why Emma Stone is bae.

This prompt sounds awesome, but simultaneously daunting. Neo, would we lose originality points for including pokemon? Or is that up to how we use them? xD YAY NO HUMANS! That's my element. ;D

LKWayvern

06-22-2015, 05:46 PM

I have the most brilliant idea. Unlike last week, I shall participate!
Randomisity and ad libbing are my fortes, I cannot lose!
watch me come in last place

Neo Emolga

06-22-2015, 05:50 PM

This prompt sounds awesome, but simultaneously daunting. Neo, would we lose originality points for including pokemon? Or is that up to how we use them? xD YAY NO HUMANS! That's my element. ;D

Oh, Pokemon are fine, just do some cool, unique, and enexpected things with them, that's all. If you go all out, you'll max on originality, trust me.

purple umbreon

06-22-2015, 09:26 PM

bkgklgjlflsg FANTASYYYYY

I am going to have so much fun with this. But I don't have enough time to do everything I want to do D:
What should I do? D:

Suicune's Fire

06-23-2015, 02:17 AM

Oh, Pokemon are fine, just do some cool, unique, and enexpected things with them, that's all. If you go all out, you'll max on originality, trust me.
So it'll be so unexpected that it'll be enexpected? Coolio. I don't actually plan to use them but yeah. xD

bkgklgjlflsg FANTASYYYYY

I am going to have so much fun with this. But I don't have enough time to do everything I want to do D:
What should I do? D:
Try posting a snippet of it instead. Make sure all the context is there, but don't make your story as long as you're tempted to. It could still work out really well. :]

Morzone

06-23-2015, 02:18 AM

Ugh. I feel like whenever I work on the plot I have to take away from the mind melting randomness of the fantasy, and when I work on making it deep fantasy I start having trouble with the plot. Thank deus it's only Monday atm.

I also keep nearly putting in science fiction for some reason. ITS FANTASY MORZONE, get it right already, sheesh.

Suicune's Fire

06-23-2015, 02:22 AM

I bet you could work sci-fi into fantasy. ;] I mean, if you do it right! And hm, you could always write down a bunch of inspirations and mix aaalllll their plots up to see what you get. xD

Morzone

06-23-2015, 02:28 AM

One of my favorite Sci-Fi writers, Orson Scott Card (Ender's Game series) described the difference between fantasy and Sci-Fi as this:

Fantasy always has trees.
Science Fiction always has Rivets.

It always feels weird to try and mix the two for some reason. I'll stick to just fantasy since that's the theme though.

Suicune's Fire

06-23-2015, 02:30 AM

What about mechanical trees? O: BAM!

Good luck though. The only idea I've managed to come up with so far was late at night while my brain was swirling with weird.

Elysia

06-23-2015, 03:50 AM

Neo Emolga

06-23-2015, 05:37 AM

Woaaaaahhhh this prompt looks dope. I, uh, have a couple of questions regarding scope/specifics in case I start messing up things this early in the week:

=You say "fantasy," but some of your examples--such as Inception, and especially The Matrix--are probably more in different genres. Are we supposed to stay in the realm of high fantasy (things like wizards and dragons, ala Lord of the Rings, A Song of Ice and Fire, Harry Potter, and the things you mentioned in the first paragraph of the prompt), or are we supposed to err more on the side of "blow my mind"? I can see that going a lot of different ways.
=What are the specific rules of "no humans allowed"--can they be mentioned in the story and never appear, or is this completely a universe where humans simply don't exist? What exactly defines a human, anyway? The Elves in LoTR, for example, are almost-human in appearance, and the Dwarves are basically smaller/violent humans, and the Hobbits are little humans who have furry feet and enjoy eating and smoking, but would you consider those to be human?

hi sorry I have loads of questions because this prompt is amazeballs

On your first point, honestly, go both if you can! Fantasy and "blow your mind" kind of stuff. The more imaginative, the better. The rules are pretty loose on this one, so show me how you can let your wildest dreams go for the gusto with no speed limit. :)

Second point, true, they're not truly humans, but... they're kind of close. You could technically use them, but I'd sooner put a gold star on an entry where the writer created their own civilized races and/or their own mystical creatures.

Morzone

06-25-2015, 10:15 PM

Neo Emolga

06-26-2015, 12:38 PM

Quick question! Would distantly mentioning humans (I.E. as a different species on a different planet that only one current person has ever heard of: kind of distantly) go against the parameter?

Also how long should the main character be protecting its someone/something? Should they already be a protector before it starts or would being put in charge of protect them/it early in the story still count? Just making sure.

#1 That's fine, that wouldn't go against the parameter.

#2 They don't have to be a protector throughout the whole story. But at least at one point they should be one.

Good questions!

Noblejanobii

06-27-2015, 06:11 AM

Name: NobleJanobii
WAR Team: Team Trainer
Title of Entry: Exsul (Fun fact: it's the Latin word for outcast)
Link to Submission: here (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6899-WAR-Exsul&p=156559&viewfull=1#post156559)

I would also like to point out ahead of time that whenever the character Shabara speaks, his language is intentionally choppy. It's because he can't speak Elvish properly. That's kind of explained but I thought I would just make that clear here.

In the words of John Steinbeck, "It ended because it had to."

Felly

06-27-2015, 03:37 PM

Name: Felly
Team: Yoga Bears
Story: Bears ♥ Flowers (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6900-WAR-Bears-%E2%99%A5-Flowers)

Noblejanobii

06-27-2015, 09:18 PM

Yo Neo, just letting you know, if you want to go ahead and start grading mine, you can. I just finished my grammar check. I'm not sure which is worse, the fact that the story was 22 pages long in Word, or my grammar.

purple umbreon

06-27-2015, 11:10 PM

Name: purple umbreon
WAR Team: Awesome
Title of entry: The search for Mercedes
Link to submission: Here (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6903-War-The-story-of-Mercedes&p=156625#post156625)

FedoraChar

06-27-2015, 11:22 PM

Name: FedoraChar
WAR Team: Phoenix Battalion
Title of entry: Reflections
Link to submission: Meh (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6904-WAR-Reflections&p=156627#post156627)

I probably could've done so much more with this, but I ran out of time with this one. Oh well xD

ALSO SHAMELESS MATRIX REFERENCE I REGRET NOTHING

Elysia

06-28-2015, 12:07 AM

Name: Elysia
WAR Team: Yoga Bears <3
Title: {symbiosis}
Link: hello! (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6905-WAR-II-symbiosis&p=156632#post156632)

I went less for the "fantasy" and more for the "try to blow your mind" approach. Whether or not this actually worked out kind of depends on who you ask lol.

LKWayvern

06-28-2015, 12:27 AM

Name: LKWayvern
WAR Team: Prism League
Title: Lovecraftian Wonderland
Link: here (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6906-WAR-Lovecraftian-Wonderland&p=156635#post156635)

You want me to dive deeper into fantasy? You get some really weird mixture of X-Files, Lovecraft, and creepypasta.
This is why we do not ask Wayvern to reach into the disturbing depths of her madness. Because she starts talking in the third person and spouting insanity and won't stop.
WON'T.
STOP.

ninjaskarmory

06-28-2015, 01:14 AM

I'll submit mine soon! All I'm telling you is that there are bunnies. c:

Noblejanobii

06-28-2015, 01:20 AM

You've got less than three hours buddy. Better hurry~

Suicune's Fire

06-28-2015, 02:27 AM

I BELIEVE IN YOU, ninjaskarmory!

*cries that I couldn't enter*

Noblejanobii

06-28-2015, 02:49 AM

XD Suicune's Fire
I saw you had replied and I was like "she did not just enter that after she told me she wouldn't." But you didn't so that's okay. XD

Suicune's Fire

06-28-2015, 02:52 AM

xD No, I'm totally legit. I wouldn't lie like that. xP

Noblejanobii

06-28-2015, 02:56 AM

But aren't you a double agent? Aren't we both double agents?

Neo Emolga

06-28-2015, 03:20 AM

Only 40 minutes left! If you're still writing, you'd better start wrapping up!

Also, starting my reading now. Let's see what you guys cranked out!

Morzone

06-28-2015, 03:25 AM

Name: Morzone
Team: The prism league
Work: The Star, The Flower, and the Jungle.
Link: http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6781-The-Free-Writer-s-Board

Here's a description of the plant people: take a picture of Roselia and switch out two things: instead of lowers they have hands made of leaves, and instead of thorns they have hair made out of flower petals of different colors.

As for the a Starlet: Imagine a small version of Patrick star that doesn't look fat and stupid. Also imagine it yellow/gold, and with glowing hair, which can be any color.

*fist pumps the air for making the deadline*

ninjaskarmory

06-28-2015, 03:42 AM

Name: ninjaskarmory
WAR Team: Jupiter Mining Corp.
Title of Entry: The Deepest Scars
Link to Submission: nyoom (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6907-WAR-The-Deepest-Scars&p=156669&viewfull=1#post156669)

Neo Emolga

06-28-2015, 04:35 AM

Lol, dang, you people sure like cutting it close!

Neo Emolga

06-28-2015, 05:44 PM

Wow, wow, wow, you guys have beyond vivid imaginations. This stuff is inspiring and I get a great kick out of reading all this.

And ONCE AGAIN, it's been almost torture to try and choose only three winners from this pack of great stories. Every story had awesomeness to it, so even if you didn't win, you definitely brought forward great themes in one way or another.

WEEK #3

THEME: DEEP INTO FANTASY

The fantasy genre, known for giving us great novels and movies like Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and A Song of Ice and Fire, is best known for its magic, presence of mystical creatures and relics, and intriguing storylines that could only be possible when the rules of science are broken. What kinds of new territory will you find when you explore different perspectives in magic territory?

Guess what? You're going in even deeper than that.

I also want you to make your story screw with all the rules in an Alice in Wonderland, the Matrix, and Inception kind of way, and have things work in a whole new system that takes the reality we once knew and changes it as if our deepest and darkest dreams leaked out and took over. Pull off the veil that opens a door into a world that lies just behind our perception, or build your story on the premise of a "what if" scenario where even just a few simple adjustments makes a whole new reality possible.

This week, blow everyone's minds away and introduce us to a world and a reality only you could have ever dreamed possible with your darkest secrets and most intense and wildest imagination.

Parameters

Flower Power - A flower (or flowers) of strange and mystical significance needs to have a part in the plotline you design. It's totally up to you to decide what it does!
Devoted Guardian - Your main character needs to be a loyal guardian and protector of something or someone. You decide what that is and why they need to keep it safe! (NOTE: This parameter can be combined with parameter #1)
No Humans Allowed! - Rise to the challenge and make a story completely without humans! The very most you can do is have a human that wakes up in a whole new world as something completely different... (kind of like Pokémon Mystery Dungeon)

Originality is key here, people! Good luck and I'm looking forward to seeing what you guys cook up!

THE RESULTS!

[GOLD - 3 POINTS] FIRST PLACE - Reflections by FedoraChar (Phoenix Battalion)
[SILVER - 2 POINTS] SECOND PLACE - The Star, The Flower, the Jungle by Morzone (The Prism League)
[BRONZE - 1 POINT] THIRD PLACE - {symbiosis} by Elysia (Team Yoga Bears)

THE REVIEW RUN!

Exsul by NobleJanobii
Team Trainer

Originality (18/20)
Following Objectives (24/30)
Spelling and Grammar (8/10)
Flow and Transition (18/20)
Hook and Interest (17/20)

TOTAL: 85/100

You're sure off to an exciting start! Definitely lots of action going with nice description tied in, and that's a good thing. Without a doubt, you definitely really did a great job with the description, touching on details but still kept the story moving along. Big plus.

I did find a few grammar mistakes, though. Considering how much you wrote in a week, you didn't have too many, but these were a few of the ones I spotted:

"It was explore every nook and cranny of where it was currently residing before it would even think of leaving its nest." ~"exploring" maybe?

"Well I not let you!" ~a comma after "Well"

"I cannot thank you enough oh wise Willow" ~comma after "enough"

" They were menacing beasts in the night, and they had ever intention to devour their prey." ~Sure you meant "every" instead of "ever"

Just little stuff like this.

I also like how you definitely cranked this one up to be high on the fantasy scale! Great stuff! The action with the Chimera fight was great, and I wasn't expecting what came out of it at all! Meanwhile, I like how much original stuff you came up with. My only real qualm about it is that it seemed to end pretty abruptly.

I like what you came up with for the Jeweled Flower, but it kind of just showed up once and didn't get reflected on again. You definitely used it well to explain how the Elves came to be, but then it was just forgotten about. I think the problem I have is that if you took it out completely, no one would notice it was gone since the story really didn't rely on it.

Still though, you wrote a heck of a lot for only a week to work with!

Bears ♥ Flowers by Felly
Team Yoga Bears

Originality (16/20)
Following Objectives (26/30)
Spelling and Grammar (10/10)
Flow and Transition (18/20)
Hook and Interest (17/20)

TOTAL: 87/100

Definitely a nice and placid world you've created here. And I find it cool, funny, and enjoyable that you went ahead and gave your team theme a story to it. It feels and reads a lot like a playful short story fable, and it definitely gets the job done well.

Nice job with the bears versus skunks fight. I found it pretty comical and amusing, and you did have a lot of nice descriptors there. :D

Didn't notice any spelling or grammar mistakes, so your score is clean there.

You definitely made great use of the three parameters, but I was kind of expecting a lot more fantasy to get in on the action. I don't have too many qualms about it, but I still feel there was some room to dash in a little more depth and background detail. Great work though, I enjoyed it. :D

The Search For Mercedes by purple umbreon
Team Awesome

Originality (14/20)
Following Objectives (24/30)
Spelling and Grammar (8/10)
Flow and Transition (9/20)
Hook and Interest (10/20)

TOTAL: 65/100

I like the race of Yggdra you created and you definitely did a great job of describing them. You also incorporated great fantasy elements.

I can't really score it too high on the originality area because a princess getting into trouble because of their wanderlust and the typical damsel in distress is a pretty common story theme (hello Disney!). I think having Mercedes leave Pericunatu for some other pressing reason with greater depth would have helped a lot.

The story also seemed on the short side, and definitely toward the end, it felt rushed. Not too much detail is covered about how Alistar's journey went either, and the passage of time seemed to really jump around. There was a lot of potential to cover how his adventures went along the way and really build it deeper into more of a perilous journey. The fight that he has with the creature that ambushes him in the grass is over in just one paragraph. That did seem really quick.

I would definitely recommend expanding on the detail, as the story did seem quite short and I found several places where there was missed potential to expand into a deeper and more mystical story. Having Alistar get side-tracked, make new friends and enemies, and uncover a deeper mystery that goes even beyond Mercedes were possibilities to explore.

The ending was a bit of a surprise and a somber shocker, but then it just felt like an abrupt ending that could have used a bit more of the main character's reflection to consider what he was going to tell the queen, or question why it had to happen.

Reflections by FedoraChar
Phoenix Battalion

Originality (20/20)
Following Objectives (30/30)
Spelling and Grammar (10/10)
Flow and Transition (18/20)
Hook and Interest (19/20)

TOTAL: 97/100

Ha, ha, I was just thinking about something like this the other day with mirrors (MATRIX REFERENCE ACKNOLOWEDGED.). The narrator's sheepish dialogue is a nice touch. I also like how he's an "intern" guardian. The mirrorlings are definitely an interesting race of creatures you've created here and I like the way they can just become whatever they so darn well please! I also found the physical forms you had a bunch of them take were pretty amusing. :D

You made it easy to love the protagonist. He's a bit clumsy, somewhat fretful, and eccentric, but you can't help but like the way he has his aspirations and from the beginning, it's easy for the reader to want him to win just because he's that "little guy" that you hope wins in the end. I also like how you made reflections in a lake count as a mirror and went ahead with reorganizing the weekly calendar into "Pink Day" and "Blue Day." All nice touches. Also, I like what you did with having the Wish Flower take a pivotal role in the storyline. Without a doubt, you jacked up the originality to max and made clever and creative use of all the parameters.

The part where Ydylu becomes a mouse and meets the mouse tribe is fantastic and is easily my favorite part. I wasn't expecting that at all and you did a great job with it. I also snickered at the wish he makes. Reminds me of that glow stick thing (I forget the name :P) in Men in Black that makes people forget what they just saw.

I think the only things that held this back from getting a perfect score was the break just after Ydylu makes the wish and suddenly there's a cut. I would have LOVED and probably would have laughed to read about how exactly he managed to drag the flower back to the portal as a mouse. An even better added bonus would be for something to try to attack him or some other unanticipated mishap to take place as he's trying to do it. I also liked this little adventure and would have loved to see it be a bit longer, but it was great nonetheless!

This is definitely a really good story just oozing with originality. Very well done. :D

{symbiosis} by Elysia
Team Yoga Bears

Originality (19/20)
Following Objectives (27/30)
Spelling and Grammar (10/10)
Flow and Transition (17/20)
Hook and Interest (19/20)

TOTAL: 92/100

Definitely a dark and morbid intro, but judging from what I've seen in your stories in the past, it's definitely alluding to something later down the line!

You definitely had me going for quite a while trying to guess what exactly the protagonist and his adversary were. I was thinking maybe the sun and the moon or the day and the night at first. You make such great use of metaphors mixed with literal statements that it's a tough guess! I figured the way you defined the protagonist and the adversary as paradox and illusion was the literal interpretation here, and it was definitely a creative idea to take two non-sentient entities and give them personality. Or, at least this is what I think you did!

In all, it's definitely a very poetic piece with a lot of vivid descriptions and emotions. Throughout this WAR, your creative writing pieces have always been different from all the others in a unique way that makes them more of a fun and labyrinth-like enigma and riddle that needs to be read multiple times to be fully understood. And it's done in a good method that's not like "wow, all of that just flew over my head" and more of a "wow, this is deep, I want to understand it further" kind of way. Plus there's like probably over a dozen different ways it can be interpreted.

Spelling and grammar was fine from what I saw, so top score for that. Parameters seemed to have been met for the most part. You got the flower, but the protector part I kind of just saw it as a touch-and-go.

The only thing that tends to throw me off more often are the line breaks, as I'm not always sure why they're there and if there's a passing of time, a switch in perspective, a change in setting, or some combination of those that merits the break. That's the only thing that nicks this when it comes to the Flow and Transition score. It's tricky to pick up after a break and figure out what happened between the last part and this new part.

Overall, great story, you definitely have a creative way with words. :D

Lovecraftian Wonderland by LKWayvern
The Prism League

Originality (15/20)
Following Objectives (18/30)
Spelling and Grammar (9/10)
Flow and Transition (12/20)
Hook and Interest (16/20)

TOTAL: 70/100

Love X-Files, love creepypasta, but I was a little bit worried when I saw Lovecraft as I'm not too familiar with that stuff. As soon as I started the story, it definitely jumped into it FAST. Probably a bit too fast, as I didn't know what the girl looked like, where exactly she was, and how she got there in the first place, and what caused her to run into Glitch in the first place. Also, the girl was definitely human, and that didn't follow the third parameter. Also, I get that Glitch is the guardian of the Darksphere, but what is he protecting it from? Can the Darksphere be damaged and destroyed? I think that parameter too could have used a little extra development. What you did with the Heartbloom Flower was awesome though. That thing is vicious and deceptive!

Also, as a side note, it might help if you pressed enter twice after every paragraph so it separates the paragraphs and doesn't have it as one big wall of text.

My biggest point of advice would be to slow down! The story does rush though things too quickly where it would have been nice to see things described in more detail, slow the pacing of the story down to have things developed and described further, and touch base on every event and situation on the story to give them all significant meaning. The faster you fly through it, the more the reader might assume it wasn't worth mentioning.

The part where Glitch had Rachel thinking she was safe and at home before her family suddenly turned into nightmarish monsters was the best part, but it would have been nice to see further expansion on themes, language, and description to fool the reader into thinking everything is already now before you mind-screw them again and catch them off guard. Without a doubt Glitch is a total jackass and you definitely created a villain that's easy to hate. Great pluses there!

The Star, The Flower, the Jungle by Morzone
The Prism League

Originality (20/20)
Following Objectives (30/30)
Spelling and Grammar (8/10)
Flow and Transition (19/20)
Hook and Interest (18/20)

TOTAL: 95/100

Great use of description and the original creation of the Starlet was neat. You definitely didn't hold back in going deep on the fantasy themes scale.

I did see a few comma errors (they're a pain, I know), but I could tell you definitely did try to get it right. There were a few capitalization errors also.

Without a doubt, I would definitely say the description, emotion, high-level imagination, and the original characters you created for this are this story's biggest strongpoint. The floating series of islands as the setting is fantastic also, so I definitely loved the high-level creativity you used for this. It's easy to like William and the kind of job he's tasked to do, and his reaction upon meeting Amia was definitely well-captured as well. It's also easy to like and admire Amia for trying to help her mother rather than selfishly take on the throne for herself. Meanwhile, the mystery as to why William was banished was definitely a secret well-kept that got me wondering throughout the entire story.

Also, I'm VERY curious to know if "well howdy-do! My names Gerimia, your friendly drop spider!" was inspired from that spider in that animated Madagascar movie that shocks the heck out of Alex the lion (because I always laugh hard at that part).

Sam the shapeshifter was also a great character with a fun personality that was easy to take a liking to.

Overall, this was a very fun, creatively imaginative, and well-designed fantasy thrill ride. Thank you for that!

The Deepest Scars by ninjaskarmory
Jupiter Mining Corp.

Originality (18/20)
Following Objectives (26/30)
Spelling and Grammar (10/10)
Flow and Transition (18/20)
Hook and Interest (18/20)

TOTAL: 90/100

Very true point with that first paragraph. Great way to open it up there.

I love how they find a glowing flower, and decide to just eat it. It was hilarious, like someone thinking that eating a glowing ice cream sundae would be a good idea. Also, that robin should have known better than to just leave the last flower out in the open! The story starts with an interest premise and maybe moves a touch bit too quickly, but it definitely does the job it originally set out to do. I think going into a bit more detail to describe the world around and the surroundings would have helped give this story a boost, as well as adding more to the plot as well.

I also found it strange and very interestingly original how these animals had labels appear on them depending on what they were called by others. I've never seen something like that done before and it's a very cool and distinctively original idea. The use of rabbits, a robin, and a raven was a neat idea, but coming up with your own fantasy creatures would have been a neat plus also.

You definitely covered no humans and the flower part, but the protector part could have gotten a little more showtime. Not bad though, you definitely covered a lot of fascinating territory with this story. Great job!

Neo Emolga

06-28-2015, 09:28 PM

Ladies and gentlemen, it has come down to the final moment...

WEEK #4

FINAL THEME: WHAT A DAY! WHAT A LOVELY DAY!

Congratulations on reaching the final round! You've made it through Pokémon being rewritten into mankind's history books, epic superheroes and powers, and the deepest plunge into fantasy you've ever dreamed of! We've broken the rules, made new heroes, distorted the timestream, and gone above and beyond imagination itself! After all that epic craziness and now that your long and incredible writing journey is coming to the last leg of the race, what could possibly be more challenging than what you've faced already? As the final arena of literary battles lies before you, what shadowy figure now emerges to be the ultimate final boss of this incredible and epic journey!?

It's me. MAH HA HA HA HA! http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y109/Ultradyne/Emolga_587.gif

Yes, folks, for years... I've always wanted to do this and I feel it would make for one epic and incredible final challenge. Get your wits, keyboards, and word processors ready, because it's time to crank them into full overdrive.

As the Fallout (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMS7Q4l1IE0), Mad Max (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoYlqdBtRSw), Book of Eli (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAMUv22y1og), and Borderlands (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWwsrh3xLWo) junkie I am, I'm a sucker for a great, post-apocalyptic settings with ruined cities, wild combat, struggling for survival, and even a little humor dashed in. Whether it's a freaked-out zombie apocalypse or intense desert fighting in a world were political correctness and formality has no place, show me your best story that takes the aftermath of a messed-up world and showcases the struggle that goes into trying to put it all back together. Satisfy the action and battle freak in me and prove the apocalypse is just the end of one beginning going into another!

The nature of the cataclysm is totally up to you! Whether your story takes place after nukes incinerated the world, zombies went wild, some natural disaster caused mass destruction, or something totally unexpected wiped most life and civilization off the planet, it's up to you to choose what you want to create and how you want to make it work.

And that's not all! Not only is the theme based on some of my favorite stuff, but so are the parameters!

Parameters

And Neo is My Name-o: Your story must feature an Emolga. You leave this out and I'll... *thunder rumbles*
Big Muscle: I'll have you know I drive a black Dodge Challenger (https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&site=imghp&tbm=isch&source=hp&biw=1135&bih=922&q=Dodge+Challenger&oq=Dodge+Challenger&gs_l=img.3..0l10.1415.3573.0.3943.16.8.0.8.8.0.97. 569.7.7.0....0...1ac.1.64.img..1.15.594.Q5-I4xoGMZ8) and I LOVE THAT CAR! Guess what car you're featuring in your story? Make good use of it too!
Angelic Firepower: I also have a strong liking to angels and think they're awesome. Ooh, we're getting tough now by stepping into the supernatural, aren't we?
Here There Be Dragons: "We need to feature dragons now too? Are you kidding!?" No, I'm not, because I think they're cool also! You can work them in there! Go all Sucker Punch (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnF4SpS9gUw) if you have to! (actually, this kind of wild movie would be a great way to start thinking about how you want to do this).
Stand For Something: The words "Forever Gold" must appear somewhere in your story. It's a motto I've enjoyed using for years ever since Superboy told me to "Stay Gold." In your story's context, it needs to have some meaning and significance.

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y109/Ultradyne/Emolga_587.gif
CAN YOU RISE TO MEET THE FINAL CHALLENGE!?

ninjaskarmory

06-28-2015, 09:44 PM

Neo Emolga

06-28-2015, 09:48 PM

Why do I get the sneaking suspicion that you were inspired by the message above my avatar? XD I'm getting excited just reading this! I won't try to finish this one 20 minutes before the deadline, so it won't be as rushed as The Deepest Scars (at least, I hope not). Can the dragons be Dragon-type Pokemon? C:

Ha, ha, I didn't even see that message! Everyone loves Nux. He's insane, but his heart's in the right place.

It's perfectly fine to have the dragons be Pokemon. And yes, I'm a junkie when it comes to using Dragon-type Pokemon also. XD

LKWayvern

06-28-2015, 10:03 PM

Mwahahaha...
Mwahahahahaha...
Mwahahahahahahahahaahahahaaaaaaaa!
Oh, there will be world ending~ So very much apocalypse!

Noblejanobii

06-28-2015, 11:18 PM

*writes down all directions then raises hand* Can I also include a mustang in the story along with the dodger?

Neo Emolga

06-28-2015, 11:21 PM

*writes down all directions then raises hand* Can I also include a mustang in the story along with the dodger?

Hey, no problem with that! It's all good!

Noblejanobii

06-28-2015, 11:31 PM

YES!! MY DREAM CAR LIVES!!

Suicune's Fire

06-29-2015, 12:37 AM

Week Four Theme by NeoEmolga
The Phoenix Battalion

Originality (20/20)
Following Objectives (30/30)
Spelling and Grammar (9/10)
Flow and Transition (20/20)
Hook and Interest (20/20)

TOTAL: 99/100

Neo, I just have to say... Wow. This piece really can't be expressed in any other way than "WOW!"

I was not expecting such a twist as this, and I'm sure nobody else was, either! It's fun, it's interesting, and it has a really, really strong hook. All those parameters paired with an awesome theme?! Of COURSE you got full marks for those categories!

Your only downfall was the use of "lays" when it should have been "lies." You were NEARLY there! I'm very happy to award you those 99 points, though.

tl;dr:

OMG YES THIS IS GOING TO BE AWESOME.

FedoraChar

06-29-2015, 02:46 AM

This weeks theme:

http://i1229.photobucket.com/albums/ee474/SnowSong09/Attack%20on%20Neo.png
And yes, I did make this especially for this xD Ah, the magic of photoshopping...

;D

alsoyouaretookindthankyou :'D

Neo Emolga

06-29-2015, 03:37 AM

OMG YES THIS IS GOING TO BE AWESOME. [/FONT][/COLOR]

Ha! Ha! I love how you used my judging template. XD

And noes! Can't believe I made that silly error, but hey, close enough!

This weeks theme:

http://i1229.photobucket.com/albums/ee474/SnowSong09/Attack%20on%20Neo.png
And yes, I did make this especially for this xD Ah, the magic of photoshopping...

;D

alsoyouaretookindthankyou :'D

I JUST MADE THIS MY NEW PHONE WALLPAPER! AND IT WORKS PERFECTLY!

This is genius. Very genius! :D

FedoraChar

07-03-2015, 04:14 AM

Wait, really? It fits?

....PERFECT! 8D This actually made my day xD

Noblejanobii

07-03-2015, 08:45 PM

So, my four year old cousin saw me browsing over PXR and asked me to show her around. She really liked your prompt Neo. So, she made up a story about it, I helped her type it down, and here it is! I did correct a few spelling errors here and there, but this is as close to the original as you will get. So without further ado, here’s her entry titled, “Neo conquers the World.”

There once was an Emolga named Neo. He was a bad Emolga. He was as mean as they got. He drove a big bad black Dodge Challenger and roared louder than a lion! He wanted to take over the world!
Neo journeyed far to the evil Land of the Dragons where he met with the Dragon King. Neo wanted an army of dragons to take over the world with. The Dragon King said no. Neo was very mad. He was so mad, he drew upon the power of his most powerful move, Forever Gold. The Dragon King was turned into gold. Neo used the golden Dragon King as payment to his army. He gave each dragon a piece of the gold, because everyone knows that dragons love gold.
With his army of dragons, Neo ventured back to his home world and easily took over the world until he reached the magical Angels Lands. There an army of angels was waiting to stop his advance. But the angels stood no chance against Neo! He ran them all over with his big bad black Dodge Challenger. With all the angels gone, Neo was able to take over the world and everyone lived evilly ever after.
The End

Neo Emolga

07-03-2015, 08:52 PM

Noblejanobii

07-03-2015, 09:09 PM

Guys, contest over, this just won the galaxy.

Game over, thanks for playing, so long and thanks for all the fish.

She also drew you a picture. I took a picture of it with my phone, so it's a big image.

http://i.imgur.com/NiRTG6z.jpg

Neo Emolga

07-03-2015, 09:38 PM

She also drew you a picture. I took a picture of it with my phone, so it's a big image.

http://i.imgur.com/NiRTG6z.jpg

Oh dear, she even gave me fangs. So that's how the apocalypse happened! Oh man, this picture is just hilarious and adorable.

Note to self: Avoid becoming a vampire Emolga. Otherwise evil = very yes.

Suicune's Fire

07-03-2015, 11:41 PM

Holy emolga. XD That was incredible. Tell your cousin that she gets a perfect score. After an entry like that, I don't think anyone can top it!

FedoraChar

07-04-2015, 10:25 PM

Well, dang. I think the most I can hope for here is second place xD If I place at all xDDDD

Name: FedoraChar
WAR Team: Phoenix Battalion
Title of Entry: Angelfire
Link to Submission: Hang on to your butts (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6969-WAR-Angelfire&p=157667#post157667)

On another note... I'm feeling totally burned out on stories, now xDDDD

Neo Emolga

07-05-2015, 12:07 AM

On another note... I'm feeling totally burned out on stories, now xDDDD

Yeah, I'm not surprised, but you managed to submit something for all four weeks! That's quite a feat in it's own!

Also, as a friendly reminder to everyone else out there, there's only 4 hours left!

Pokemon Trainer Sarah

07-05-2015, 01:12 AM

Name: Sarah
WAR Team: Trainer
Title of Entry: Forever
Link to Submission: http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6973-WAR-Forever

Tried to crank something out. :D

Morzone

07-05-2015, 02:09 AM

Man I wish I could've made an entry for this week. I was at camp from Sunday to Saturday morning, so I couldn't even get on PXR, let alone make an entry. Good luck to everyone who is entering!

also, I'm glad you took a liking to Samuel Winksy Heirit Blugart Vonford Quangle Viske Yisme Jonatsa Overgrowth, I had fun with him. The inspiration for Gerimia the spider, he was originally inspired by something else, but when I made that first sentence it reminded me of the spider in Madagascar as well. So it did play into it somewhat.

And I still have images of a large crowd of singing boulders rolling down a hill and into a lake of fire, that was probably my favorite part.

Noblejanobii

07-05-2015, 03:01 AM

Dang it, it seems like this would have been the week to enter given that no one's doing anything.

Suicune's Fire

07-05-2015, 03:04 AM

How rude! People are totally doing stuff. I'm still editing mine. xD

Noblejanobii

07-05-2015, 03:08 AM

*pats Xanthe* That didn't include you.

Suicune's Fire

07-05-2015, 03:56 AM

Name: Suicune's Fire
WAR Team: JMC
Title of Entry: Consequential
Link to Submission: here (http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/forum/showthread.php?6974-WAR-Consequential&p=157714&viewfull=1#post157714)!

Suicune's Fire

07-05-2015, 04:03 AM

Double posting because I don't want to edit that post and ruin my chances for a legit submission, but:

I'm so sorry. I didn't get to separate the paragraphs. I also didn't get to italicise things... XD Oh well. I'm so glad I got it in on time. *phew*

Neo Emolga

07-05-2015, 04:06 PM

Here we go!

Ah, I can tell not too many people were up to braving this final challenge, or they got too busy. Those of you who did, kudos, I definitely know it must have been pretty tricky to work with. In any case, it's great to see some of you were still spunky enough to step up to what was definitely a tough, final challenge! Give yourselves a pat on the back, I knew it couldn't have been easy. You all get bonus bravery and cool points.

WEEK #4

FINAL THEME: WHAT A DAY! WHAT A LOVELY DAY!

Congratulations on reaching the final round! You've made it through Pokémon being rewritten into mankind's history books, epic superheroes and powers, and the deepest plunge into fantasy you've ever dreamed of! We've broken the rules, made new heroes, distorted the timestream, and gone above and beyond imagination itself! After all that epic craziness and now that your long and incredible writing journey is coming to the last leg of the race, what could possibly be more challenging than what you've faced already? As the final arena of literary battles lies before you, what shadowy figure now emerges to be the ultimate final boss of this incredible and epic journey!?

It's me. MAH HA HA HA HA! http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y109/Ultradyne/Emolga_587.gif

Yes, folks, for years... I've always wanted to do this and I feel it would make for one epic and incredible final challenge. Get your wits, keyboards, and word processors ready, because it's time to crank them into full overdrive.

As the Fallout (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMS7Q4l1IE0), Mad Max (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoYlqdBtRSw), Book of Eli (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAMUv22y1og), and Borderlands (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWwsrh3xLWo) junkie I am, I'm a sucker for a great, post-apocalyptic settings with ruined cities, wild combat, struggling for survival, and even a little humor dashed in. Whether it's a freaked-out zombie apocalypse or intense desert fighting in a world were political correctness and formality has no place, show me your best story that takes the aftermath of a messed-up world and showcases the struggle that goes into trying to put it all back together. Satisfy the action and battle freak in me and prove the apocalypse is just the end of one beginning going into another!

The nature of the cataclysm is totally up to you! Whether your story takes place after nukes incinerated the world, zombies went wild, some natural disaster caused mass destruction, or something totally unexpected wiped most life and civilization off the planet, it's up to you to choose what you want to create and how you want to make it work.

And that's not all! Not only is the theme based on some of my favorite stuff, but so are the parameters!

Parameters

And Neo is My Name-o: Your story must feature an Emolga. You leave this out and I'll... *thunder rumbles*
Big Muscle: I'll have you know I drive a black Dodge Challenger (https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&site=imghp&tbm=isch&source=hp&biw=1135&bih=922&q=Dodge+Challenger&oq=Dodge+Challenger&gs_l=img.3..0l10.1415.3573.0.3943.16.8.0.8.8.0.97. 569.7.7.0....0...1ac.1.64.img..1.15.594.Q5-I4xoGMZ8) and I LOVE THAT CAR! Guess what car you're featuring in your story? Make good use of it too!
Angelic Firepower: I also have a strong liking to angels and think they're awesome. Ooh, we're getting tough now by stepping into the supernatural, aren't we?
Here There Be Dragons: "We need to feature dragons now too? Are you kidding!?" No, I'm not, because I think they're cool also! You can work them in there! Go all Sucker Punch (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnF4SpS9gUw) if you have to! (actually, this kind of wild movie would be a great way to start thinking about how you want to do this).
Stand For Something: The words "Forever Gold" must appear somewhere in your story. It's a motto I've enjoyed using for years ever since Superboy told me to "Stay Gold." In your story's context, it needs to have some meaning and significance.

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y109/Ultradyne/Emolga_587.gif
CAN YOU RISE TO MEET THE FINAL CHALLENGE!?

THE RESULTS!

[GOLD - 3 POINTS] FIRST PLACE - Forever by Pokémon Trainer Sarah (Team Trainer)
[SILVER - 2 POINTS] SECOND PLACE - Angelfire by FedoraChar (Phoenix Battalion)
[BRONZE - 1 POINT] THIRD PLACE - Consequential by Suicune's Fire (Jupiter Mining Corporation)

THE REVIEW RUN!

Angelfire by FedoraChar
The Phoenix Battalion

Originality (20/20)
Following Objectives (29/30)
Spelling and Grammar (10/10)
Flow and Transition (18/20)
Hook and Interest (18/20)

TOTAL: 95/100

I like the easy-going opening and where you took the idea of "melting of reality." Given the parameters I put you guys through, I definitely don't blame you guys for doing that!

Also:

“He’s an Emolga,” Aarin corrected. Next to him, the squirrel alighted on his shoulder and winked, holding its fingers up in a peace sign.

I love him already!

I like how you worked with all the parameters. You took a task that most others probably thought was too difficult and you made it work beautifully. You also created a great cast of characters out of it as well! What you did with the dragon's speech was also a nice touch. An awesome attack team of angels with an Emolga as a helper taking down a dragon... you found my happy place.

Spelling and grammar was perfect, didn't see any mistakes there, so perfect score for you.

The only things I would change mainly come from the ending that just seemed to end a bit abruptly. Everything was going pretty well, and having the angel team take down the dragon was a great moment, but wrapping it all up with a nice conclusion finisher would have been sweet. Something about the town being saved, touching base maybe one last time on the "Forever Gold" element to humanity, and then finally wrapping it up with where the angels and their manticore and the "over-excited flying squirrel" go from there. Still, it was a great read!

Forever by Pokémon Trainer Sarah
Team Trainer

Originality (20/20)
Following Objectives (28/30)
Spelling and Grammar (10/10)
Flow and Transition (19/20)
Hook and Interest (20/20)

TOTAL: 97/100

Definitely a great, descriptive opening. You definitely make the reader feel bad for what Maya and Henry have to go through, but it does make you wonder how it all happened.

And the part with the Interlude was great. Leave it to those guys on Cinnabar Island to mess everything up! The whole premise with Pokémon becoming infected and causing the apocalypse was a fantastic idea. Ah man, you make me really want to make an RP out of this. These ideas are fantastic.

Part II definitely made great use of the dragon parameter with the Charizard, matched well with a lot of excellent description in there. Henry's encounter with the young girl and the baby Emolga was also very well executed, and does help explain how things used to be before the viral infection broke out.

The Challenger and the angels didn't get as much attention as I was kind of hoping for, but you did AWESOME with the Emogla and the Forever Gold parameters! I really like what you did there! The ending was also really well done and gives a nice perspective on hope for the future even after so much disaster.

Excellent job there. :D

Consequential by Suicune's Fire
Jupiter Mining Corp.

Originality (18/20)
Following Objectives (24/30)
Spelling and Grammar (10/10)
Flow and Transition (16/20)
Hook and Interest (18/20)

TOTAL: 86/100

I like this kind of "calm before the storm" opening you decided to go with. It's easy to dislike Lem Jeremy, and Garth, so I wasn't too worried if they got attacked by wild Pokémon or fried extra crispy. But it does make you curious about what happens!

And when Blood Venom does attack, you have quite a HECK of a fight break out! It was a little bit tricky to follow, but I figure that's probably intentional as it would be fast-moving and bewildering with what was going on.

One qualm I have is you made good use of the post-apocalyptic setting and the parameters did get mentioned, but some of them were very touch and go and once they got mentioned, the story just left them behind and didn't really use them again. And when they did get mentioned, they didn't really have too much of a role in the story.

I think the flow and transition area is the part where I had a tricky time following, and that might be mainly from the lack of breaks between paragraphs (Yeah, it's a bit annoying how forums don't recognize indents from copy and pasted text. XP). Also, yeah, it did seem a bit rushed and it was a bit tricky to determine the sequential order of things.

Overall, it was good and I like the ending you had. That, to me, was a great finisher and almost demanded a sequel right then and there.

Neo Emolga

07-05-2015, 04:18 PM

IN CLOSING

Guys, thank you for making the Creative Writing section for WAR Season II an absolute blast. Whether you were in it all four weeks or only submitted stuff for one, everyone's stories had fantastic creative sparks to them and I enjoyed reading them. Like I said before, you guys make it a treat to be Creative Writing judge. The level of participation this year was fantastic and I'm glad so many people got in on this.

I hope you guys had fun with it, and I'm open to all discussion about what you liked about the section, what things you feel could have been improved a bit, or whatever you'd like to share about the section and your experiences with it. I also hope my reviews on each story were helpful and insightful. If there was anything you wanted clarified or explained further, I'll gladly go into deeper detail, but yeah, when I was reviewing eight or nine stories within a day and had to get judging results in before the end of the day, I kind of had to make things quick.

But yeah, feel free to share your thoughts and ideas. If we ever have something like this again or involves writing, I'll definitely keep in mind what you guys say to make the experience even more fun and enjoyable and to improve on the kind of system I put into action here.

Cheers and good times to all. http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y109/Ultradyne/Emolga_587.gif

Suicune's Fire

07-06-2015, 12:06 AM

Yep, that's pretty much what I expected. xD I should have gone for something short. It's one of those things where it looks good in your head but then executing it really doesn't work out how you planned. I expected the parameters to have more significance but yeah...in the end, couldn't force them in. I'm a bit disappointed that I wasted so much time on it, but that's the learning process, right? xP

Congrats to Sarah and Char! :D You guys obviously had awesome stories. c:

FedoraChar

07-07-2015, 04:17 AM

WOOOOOO! :D Congrats, everybody! This has been a real blast! And thank you for hosting, Neo! I really liked the themes we had this year, especially with the little parameters that added that extra touch of challenge. It was really fun trying to figure out how to get them all to tie in. Your reviews were always super helpful and encouraging--the best! :D

Mad shout-out to everyone who participated this year, too! There were some awesome stories out there! :D

Elysia

07-09-2015, 03:10 AM

Haha, the final week's theme turned out to be waaaaaay 3 stronk 5 me also real life hit like a truck; working is no bueno ;-;, but I just wanted to say congratulations to all of the entrants for all of the weeks. We did it! Eyyyyyyy you guys are all superstars and have taught me so much about how to write an entertaining story while still adhering to an extremely tight but awesome set of rules. Thanks for hosting, Neo! You put in a ton of work and I feel like my appreciation for that needs to be written down somewhere so you can read it, but I also feel like I should keep it short since I made you read so much already, heh. ^^

http://www.sharegif.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/tumblr_ml87q0tkrp1re3x32o1_.gif

Morzone

07-09-2015, 08:33 PM

That's a great point! Three cheers for Neo our awesome creative writing judge!