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Neo Emolga

A Best Man speech for my brother!

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So my brother is getting married this Friday the 21st and since I'm the Best Man, I have to prepare a speech. The good news is that as I discovered, the Best Man is expected to have fun with it. In fact it's lame if you don't!

I have a sweet rough draft ready, but I'm always on the lookout for recommendations. Let me know what you think. XD

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Ladies and gentlemen, to you and any "service" animals you may have brought along, this speech may be recorded for quality assurance purposes.

For those who haven't had the pleasure of meeting me yet, my name is Joseph, same name as my dad. What a lovely world of confusion that causes. I'll admit, prior to the proposal, I didn't know jack-squat about what a Best Man does. In fact I still don't get everything that goes on for it, but I do know from my movie-inspired knowledge that it's a great honor and privilege.

And then I discovered I'd have to give a speech.

Thankfully, I've done speeches in front of college classes about things like Pokémon and Dungeons and Dragons, so I thought to myself how hard could this be? So I decided to warm things up with a Haiku that summarizes what's been on my mind for quite some time now. And it goes like this:

On your wedding day
Sometime in the near future
Oh holy crap it's here

In preparation for the speech, theknot.com recommended preparing two months in advance as I sat there reading this fine detail just last Saturday night. So, during a time when I should have been preparing this well in advance, I was more concerned with how my Pokémon were being raised. So I decided to rely on my contacts for discreet help and advice, and after going through them, I ultimately called on a good friend of mine. He goes by the name of Heineken and he's always been a helper for the good times and the bad times. Thank you, Heineken, for all that you've done for me in the past and no, I'm not being paid for this endorsement.

To kick off today's festivities, unless you've already started to do that by helping yourself to the alcohol, as Matt's brother and Best Man, I'd like to thank you all for coming on this amazing A+ day. I know a lot of you have traveled very far to be here and for many it meant having to put something more than just underwear on.

Heather, you're definitely dazzling and smashing today. Matt, on the other hand, you look a bit more dazzled and smashed.

Matt has always been the closest, most awesome, and most reliable brother buddy I've ever had. Sometimes we were the kindest gentlemen you've ever known, while at others, we were downright naughty mischief makers. But what else can one expect from two brothers where I was born Year of the Dog while he was born Year of the Rat?

When it comes to Matt, we've been close together throughout time. We went to the same schools together, even the same college at Seton Hall University (Go Pirates!). We played the same games together, often played the same sports together, and were always there for each other though everything that came our way. Whether it was camping out at 2am by the living room doors waiting for Christmas morning or begging mom if we could sleep together in the same room.

Matt's always had my back whether it involved getting a computer fixed up after a tragic blue screen of death, advice when buying a car, and even the little things like how we'd always co-op together in every video game we've played. I still remember how we teamed up in a World of Warcraft PVP server, went about wrecking every enemy player in Stranglethorn Vale that we came across, and had a total blast doing it in what was one of my most enjoyable guilty-pleasure experiences I can remember. Or the time in Wolfenstein Enemy Territory where he snuck into the enemy base all by himself and planted the game-winning dynamite at the fuel dump to win the match for the entire team even though we were losing terribly right before that awe-inspiring moment. It was magic.

We grew up on these fun and amazing and honestly mindless video game adventures and it's been a wild ride for many years. We were quite literally like Mario and Luigi, minus the moustaches. Sometimes we were always by each other's side working together, and at other times, trying to whap each other with whatever blue shell we could find. But in more ways than one could ever count, Matt has always been a hero that comes in whenever you need him and does whatever he can to make things better. At times, he was nicknamed the "computer whisperer" and at others, Huge Gigantor. Whenever someone compliments me about my height, I refer them to the six foot seven inch Matt. But no, we never really got into basketball if you're wondering. Even with a last name like Rodman.

Heather, you look incredible today. You and Matt make an awesome team together and everything that's great about him is great about you. I know he's going to do everything he can for you, whether it's by mowing the lawn, walking those frisky dogs you guys have, or by being the hero you need in the next video game adventure you decide to have together. Seriously, that dynamite plant was incredible! I foresee an amazing and awesome future in store for both of you. He's the kind of guy that will lift your spirits up whenever you need it. Or if you need to be lifted physically, he can do that too.

You two are going to have an amazing and fantastic life together and I'm going to love seeing the fun and happiness that you both will share. I wish the best for both of you as I cheer you both on! I think the only thing we disagree on is I still think Matt's right about one thing. The New York Jets have nothing on the Giants. Now don't mind me if I slink away into the corner and become a Ravens fan.

I'm happy you two found each other and as me, myself, and I have had our council meetings, Heather is going to be awesome to have as a sister. Ever since I met her, she's felt like a true, fun-loving friend and I know she's the perfect match for Matt. You make my brother happy and you have a heart of gold. And you're an amazing lady that knows how to have the best kind of fun at every occasion.

With all that said, may your marriage be one of fun, happiness, love, and full of amazing and magical adventures wherever you go. And now I would like everyone to stand and to raise a glass and call out a toast to Matt and Heather and repeat after me as I finish with my own favorite finishing line.

Cheers and good times!

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Comments

  1. Pokemon Trainer Sarah's Avatar
    That was really sweet and funny, Neo! :) You have a knack for these sorts of things! My favourite part was definitely:
    "Heather, you're definitely dazzling and smashing today. Matt, on the other hand, you look a bit more dazzled and smashed."

    XD Brilliant! I'm sure they'll love it! Hope you have a great time at the wedding and all the best to your bro and his new wife! :)
  2. Neo Emolga's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Pokemon Trainer Sarah
    That was really sweet and funny, Neo! :) You have a knack for these sorts of things! My favourite part was definitely:
    "Heather, you're definitely dazzling and smashing today. Matt, on the other hand, you look a bit more dazzled and smashed."

    XD Brilliant! I'm sure they'll love it! Hope you have a great time at the wedding and all the best to your bro and his new wife! :)
    Thank you, Sarah! I still can't believe it's all really happening, but I think it's going to be fun and wily. As for me, I'm definitely not ready for marriage yet. My little bro is pretty brave for wanting to do this whole thing. XD

    And I'm glad you like it! They're a great couple and I know it's going to be fun. They're probably not expecting an ordinarily soft-spoken and gentle guy like me to suddenly ka-bam everyone with this piece of mischief. Heh heh. >:3
  3. Chibi Altaria's Avatar
    That's an amazing speech, Neo. Also really hilarious, which is what makes it so amazing. xD Wish I could write so well! I bet your brother and Heather (and everyone else there) will love it! Good to see all the little gaming references, too. :p
  4. Neo Emolga's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Chibi Altaria
    That's an amazing speech, Neo. Also really hilarious, which is what makes it so amazing. xD Wish I could write so well! I bet your brother and Heather (and everyone else there) will love it! Good to see all the little gaming references, too. :p
    Thanks! I'm actually quite glad these are usually comical but also have some heartfelt stuff to them. I write best when I can be a little casual and comical and don't have to be too serious about the fluff.

    I'll let you guys know how it goes! Should be fun. :3
  5. Suicune's Fire's Avatar
    Neo, that was so well written! I loved it. c: He's lucky to have an awesome brother and best man like you! I bet the speech went really well. c: You're very eloquent and I can imagine all the chuckles you got throughout. c:
  6. Pokemon Trainer Sarah's Avatar
    @Neo Emolga How was the wedding? :D How did your speech go?
  7. Neo Emolga's Avatar
    @Suicune's Fire

    Thanks! I got a TON of complements about it and I enjoyed it! Even though there were over 150 people, I didn't feel nervous.

    @Pokemon Trainer Sarah

    The wedding was AMAZING. We had so much fun but it was over so fast! The ceremony was great and despite having rain in the morning, the skies cleared out and the sun came up just in time for the ceremony. The speech went great, got lots of laughs, and everyone had a fantastic time. Best wedding ever. I just wish mom could have been there. She would have loved it.