"Today was a terrible day because..."

[Bulbasaur]

Just a warning, I am going to talk about things that might make certain people uneasy.

I feel like past few years (but mainly the past few months) my anxiety has really started causing me problems. I never had this issue in my life, but it seems to be a really big problem. I started cutting in freshmen year of high school, ironically a year after I left a partial mental health program. It lost me a few friendships, and I feel like that made my anxiety and trust in people go down a ton. I started journal for just venting my issues on paper. I think it hit 10 pages in a month.

One day, I got really anxious over something stupid during an assembly, so I snuck upstairs, took some scissors from a classroom, and cut a little bit. But it did it a little too much, and it started bleeding a lot. I was freaking out when a teacher found me with the blood on my arm. I tried fibbing, but they knew it was intentional, and they sent me home.

After that I tried to stop cutting, but I always came back to it every once in a while. I found it worse when I didn't cut, honestly. I went as far as trying to write a suicide note about a month ago. I couldn't even finish the note before breaking down in tears. I don't think suicide will ever be a problem for me because I just don't have the guts to do it.

I have never been diagnosed with depression or anything, mainly because I don't have time to see a therapist regularly. Either way, my last therapist would get mad at me when I was letting out feelings, so I'm not really ready to try another one. The one thing I was diagnosed with at partial (which probably isn't true) was bipolar type two. But honestly, I could care less about the labels. What's important is I can't handle my anxiety.

I don't want to keep living this way. I don't want to feel like I'm being tortured mentally.

[Suicune's Fire]

@Bulbasaur Your therapist would get mad for you for letting out feelings? XD Sounds like a crappy therapist. "Come to therapy to talk about feelings! What's that, you're letting feelings out? THAT'S NOT OKAY!" da faq? What a moron. xD

I've been friends with many people who have had mental illness, and have suffered some myself, so hearing that stuff, while painful, is not new or shocking to me. Because you know what? We're all human, and we all have awful thoughts like that which we can't control. Sometimes we develop coping mechanisms that seem like the only option. If you can find a creative outlet, try that instead. It's awesome that you've done journaling! Maybe you could try similar things that help you to get everything out, even if it's in the form of some obscure painting or another Elmer adventure. xD I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such awful stuff. It can be so debilitating. I think it's important to surround yourself with a good support network however you can. And to find an alternative outlet that doesn't involve self harm. I know you play music, so maybe try to incorporate that into it somehow. Taking on a busying project is always a good idea, like a Nuzlocke run that you can record and upload to PXR. B)

Point is, never be afraid to share your feelings because society can go screw itself. Feelings are important and things like gender don't matter and shouldn't factor in. I know what it's like to feel like nobody cares (hell, most people probably know what that's like) but you do have friends here and outside the internet. <3 I personally think you're an amazing person and getting through crappy years is worth it, I promise. You know I'm always here to talk!

[Soups]

Just a warning, I am going to talk about things that might make certain people uneasy.

I feel like past few years (but mainly the past few months) my anxiety has really started causing me problems. I never had this issue in my life, but it seems to be a really big problem. I started cutting in freshmen year of high school, ironically a year after I left a partial mental health program. It lost me a few friendships, and I feel like that made my anxiety and trust in people go down a ton. I started journal for just venting my issues on paper. I think it hit 10 pages in a month.

One day, I got really anxious over something stupid during an assembly, so I snuck upstairs, took some scissors from a classroom, and cut a little bit. But it did it a little too much, and it started bleeding a lot. I was freaking out when a teacher found me with the blood on my arm. I tried fibbing, but they knew it was intentional, and they sent me home.

After that I tried to stop cutting, but I always came back to it every once in a while. I found it worse when I didn't cut, honestly. I went as far as trying to write a suicide note about a month ago. I couldn't even finish the note before breaking down in tears. I don't think suicide will ever be a problem for me because I just don't have the guts to do it.

I have never been diagnosed with depression or anything, mainly because I don't have time to see a therapist regularly. Either way, my last therapist would get mad at me when I was letting out feelings, so I'm not really ready to try another one. The one thing I was diagnosed with at partial (which probably isn't true) was bipolar type two. But honestly, I could care less about the labels. What's important is I can't handle my anxiety.

I don't want to keep living this way. I don't want to feel like I'm being tortured mentally.

Suicune's Fire is 100% correct. Don't EVER be afraid or hesitant to share how you're feeling. It's unhealthy to bottle it all up. Even if you don't want to communicate with people about how you feel in fear that they may not understand you, find a different way to do so... whether it be through writing, music, etc. You're only human, bud. Don't be too hard on yourself. You're the only you that there will ever be. Be excited about that. It's an awesome fact.

If you ever need to vent, I'd be more than willing to listen. I want you to know that.

[Suicune's Fire]

It's just been a crappy last few weeks. My cat's been sick for over a month with this oddly non-diagnosable skin condition which has been driving everyone insane, my job's been stressful (made worse by a work-related injury that happened weeks ago which is still bothering me), my brother's dog died last week and I was very close to him, someone very close to me is going through severe depression, I've had little motivation to do anything creative, and things with my parents and me have been really rocky. Last night I had a terrible argument with them which basically ended with me in hysterics. It's like every aspect of my life is slowly falling apart. Sometimes it all catches up to me and I just cry. I want to move out so badly because this house is becoming a negative environment, but then the money problem comes in and the fact that my cat isn't showing any signs of improvement. If I lost her, I'd absolutely fall to pieces.

Mmrrrrrrrr.

[Neo Emolga]

It's just been a crappy last few weeks. My cat's been sick for over a month with this oddly non-diagnosable skin condition which has been driving everyone insane, my job's been stressful (made worse by a work-related injury that happened weeks ago which is still bothering me), my brother's dog died last week and I was very close to him, someone very close to me is going through severe depression, I've had little motivation to do anything creative, and things with my parents and me have been really rocky. Last night I had a terrible argument with them which basically ended with me in hysterics. It's like every aspect of my life is slowly falling apart. Sometimes it all catches up to me and I just cry. I want to move out so badly because this house is becoming a negative environment, but then the money problem comes in and the fact that my cat isn't showing any signs of improvement. If I lost her, I'd absolutely fall to pieces.

Mmrrrrrrrr.

:(

I hate it when everything goes wrong at once...

I really want to move out, but holy crap, on the financial side of things, it always feels like suicide. But neither of us should give up. I think we both need that permanent space we can call our own and not have to worry about unwelcome people stepping all over it.

[Suicune's Fire]

:(

I hate it when everything goes wrong at once...

I really want to move out, but holy crap, on the financial side of things, it always feels like suicide. But neither of us should give up. I think we both need that permanent space we can call our own and not have to worry about unwelcome people stepping all over it.

I agree. Having my own space would be a godsend. I'm so sick of being under someone else's roof.

[Wookie Mistake]

@Suicune's Fire, Damb that sounds like an extremely trying past couple of weeks, I hope things will take an upturn for you soon, it honestly sounds like everythings kind of bleeding into each other, I won't assume to know how serious your troubles are, but it's a testament to the kind of person you are when some of your more major problems revolve around the people/pets you care about.

If things get particularly rough, wrap yourself up in your security blanket and lean on your rock, whether it's a person, place of solitude, or a book or show you can get lost in for a little while, something that will help you take a step back and put things into perspective a little bit, and let you focus on a plan of action, or the steps into getting back to the place where life is at least manageable. It's something i tell my friends and family especially when I can't offer them the help they need. Even just deciding in the direction you take your first step will bring some peace of mind

Again I hope things will get better for you

[Bulbasaur]

Life is out to get me. It just taunts me no matter what I do. If I was dead I'd be free, but I deserve to suffer. I'm a piece of **** that no one wants. I can't socialize and make new friends because I'm bad at it. I want everything to change. I don't want to be me. I hate myself.

[Caite-chan]

Life is out to get me. It just taunts me no matter what I do. If I was dead I'd be free, but I deserve to suffer. I'm a piece of **** that no one wants. I can't socialize and make new friends because I'm bad at it. I want everything to change. I don't want to be me. I hate myself.

You've got all of us weirdos here though. Just take things one step at a time. I've learned to not tell people "Oh don't feel like that" or you shouldn't feel like that because let's face it it's not going to help the person. You need to have those feelings so you can learn from them. But don't feel like you can't ask for help when you feel you really need it. I can't speak for others but I'm always here if you ever need to talk.

[Neo Emolga]

Life is out to get me. It just taunts me no matter what I do. If I was dead I'd be free, but I deserve to suffer. I'm a piece of **** that no one wants. I can't socialize and make new friends because I'm bad at it. I want everything to change. I don't want to be me. I hate myself.

Depression is a liar.