18

[Suicune's Fire]

OH MY GOSH I FINALLY GOT AROUND TO READING THIS. I'm so sorry it took me so long. x__x Okay, there are many grammatical errors in this, but I'll only point out some so I can give you an idea of what you'll have to go back and fix yourself.

“What is it Rex” Corey said to his fellow Eevee, slightly annoyed over his rude awakening.

When characters address each other, there needs to be a comma before their name. Also, at the end of speech (but still within the quotations) you need to have a comma, unless the speech is the end of the sentence. In this case, since the sentence continues, putting a comma is correct.

“You were supposed to meet me by Snorlax rock this morning!” Rex responded, understandably annoyed.

The r in "rock" should be a capital because it's a proper noun. :]

“Wait what? you should have come to wake me up sooner!” Corey said, shocked that he had slept so late.

"Wait" and "what" do not form a sentence without any grammar, so you'd need a comma after "wait." Also, a capital y for "you."

“Whatever, lets just get going” Rex said.

You need to be careful of words like "I'm" and "let's" and "there's" which all have apostrophes. I noticed quite a few times that you fail to use them, such as here with "let's." In any place where it's an abbreviation for a word and then "is" after it, or in this case, "us," you need to put an apostrophe.

“oww” Corey moaned in pain “Why did you have to stop like that?”

Remember, AAAALLLLWAYS put a capital at the start of a sentence, so that "oww" needs a capital O. It also needs grammar at the end of the speech, as EVERY piece of speech you ever write does. Because "Corey moaned in pain" is part of the same sentence as "oww," then you need a comma after "oww." You also need a full stop after "pain" because that's the end of your sentence. The following speech is a new sentence, or a question, so the capital letter is correct.

There are many stories as to why the rock is named Snorlax rock, but the most Popular story was that once, a long time ago, a wise snorlax would sleep on that rock. He slept most of the time, however if you went to the clearing while he was awake, he would answer any one question. One day a young Rattata went to the clearing, only to find the Snorlax was gone. No one ever saw him again after.

Again, watch out for the capital r in "rock" and there's a random capital "p" in "popular" for no reason. Remember, you only put capitals in proper nouns, such as places, names and important objects!

Aside from that, I really like how there's a story behind Snorlax Rock. It makes it feel more real, and it's extra detail that you thought to put in, which is great. :]

“I'm getting kind of nervous, there could be anything out here, why don't we turn back” Corey said to Rex.

A few things about this quote. Firstly, "why don't we turn back" is a question, so you need a question mark at the end. Second, you have two commas when you should have none. They should be either semicolons or full stops, because they're three separate sentences. Do you see how they, if you break them up, can sit on their own as different sentences? That's when you know that you should use semicolons or full stops. If you feel like the two parts relate to each other, then you put a semicolon, but otherwise you put a full stop. Alternatively, you would put something like an "and" to join the sentence (though I don't know how you would in this case xD). If you had that joining word, then you could still use a comma. Let me show you in more detail:

“I'm getting kind of nervous; there could be anything out here. Why don't we turn back?” Corey said to Rex.

That is correct. Also, do you see how neat it looks now? x)

“Dont be such a baby, theres nothing out here” Rex said in response, looking back at Corey.

Remember the apostrophes! Also, that comma should be a semicolon or a period, and remember that you need a comma after "here."

“Is that a clearing up ahead?” Corey said, trying to see what the area in front of them was.Rex did not need to answer, for Within seconds it was clear that they had indeed reached a field.Corey and Rex stood at the end of the treeline looking across at what rested on the other side. On the other side was a large fence, at least 3 meters tall.

In two cases here, you have full stops at the end of sentences and then a new word literally joining onto the full stop. xD Make sure you go over this and put a space in there. Also, in stories, you never put the figures of numbers in. You always write out the number, so this should be "three." UNLESS you're quoting a big number, or if it was something like, On the whiteboard, it read: buy me 17 cheesecakes. Or something. XD

there are many other species of pokemon out there that you have yet to see, and probably won't. “

Firstly that t in "there" should be a capital because it's the start of a new sentence, and secondly, the quotation at the end of the sentence is facing the wrong way. xD

He closed his eyes, recalling the days events Before he knew it, he had fallen asleep.

There should be a full stop after "events." x)

Okay! So those are the errors I chose to show you so that you may improve. :D I really would love you to go back through your chapter(s) and correct these errors. Most of them are easy to spot, such as random, out of place capital letters in sentences. Remember apostrophes in your don't and I'm and there's. One thing I also noticed was at the start of the prologue, you used "Pokemon" with a capital P. Then you switched to using a lowercase p. It's best to make up your mind so that you stick to one thing, but after that point, it looks like you continued to use lowercase p. x) I do that too, as you would know, but it's up to you.

Description: Your description was minimal, but it was enough to get a feel for what was happening. However, more description would be lovely, such as quickly describing things Corey sees, like Rex, and like that zigzagoon he nearly hit. Also describing the forest in a bit more detail would be great, perhaps the smells his nose picks up; the feel of the soil under his paws, etc. Also, remember that "said" is a very boring word. Wherever you can, use another word. There are plenty out there that not only describe the scene more, but make it more lively. Here are a few I found:

Spoiler:

• Accepted, Accused, Acknowledged, Admitted, Advertised, Affirm, Agonized, Agreed, Alleged, Announced, Answered, Appealed, Apply for, Arranged, Articulated, Asked, Asserted, Asseverate, Assumed, Assured, Attract, Aver, Avow,
• Barked, Bawl, Bawled, Beamed, Beckoned, Begged, Bellowed, Beseeched, Blubbered, Blurted, Bossed, Breathed, Broadcast,
• Cajole, Called, Carped, Cautioned, Censured, Chimed in, Choked, Chortled, Chuckled, Circulate, Claim, Comforted, Conceded, Concurred, Condemned, Confer, Confessed, Confided, Confirm, Consoled, Contend, Continued, Crave, Cried out, Criticized, Croaked, Crooned, Crowed,
• Declared, Defend, Demanded, Denote, Dictated, Disclosed, Disposed, Disseminate, Distribute, Divulged, Drawled,
• Emitted, Empathized, Encourage, Encouraged, Entreated, Exact, Exclaimed, Explained, Exposed,
• Faltered, Finished, Fumed,
• Gawped, Giggled, Given, Glowered, Grieved, Grinned, Groan, Groaned, Growled, Grumbled,
• Handed on, Held, Hesitated, Hinted, Hissed, Hollered, Howled,
• Impart, Implied, Implored, Importune, Inclined, Indicate, Informed, Inquired, Insisted, Interjected, Invited,
• Jabbered, Joked, Justified,
• Keened,
• Lamented, Laughed, Leered, Lilted,
• Maintained, Make known, Make public, Marked, Mewled, Mimicked, Moaned, Mocked, Mourned, Murmured, Mused
• Necessitated, Needed, Noted,
• Observed, Offered, Ordered,
• Panted, Passed on, Pleaded, Postulated, Preached, Premised, Presented, Presupposed, Proclaimed, Prodded, Professed, Proffered, Promised, Promulgated, Proposed, Protested, Provoked, Publicized, Published, Puled, Put forth, Put out,
• Quaked, Queried, Quipped, Quivered, Quizzed, Quoted,
• Reassured, Raged, Ranted, Reckoned that, Rejoiced, Rejoined, Released, Remarked, Remonstrated, Repeated, Replied, Reprimanded, Requested, Required, Requisition, Retorted, Revealed, Roared,
• Said, Sang, Scoffed, Scolded, Seethed, Sent on, Settled, Shared, Shed tears, Shouted, Shrieked, Shrugged, Shuddered, Snarled, Snivelled, Sobbed, Solicited, Sought, Specified, Spluttered, Spread, Stammered, Stated, Stuttered, Stressed, Suggested, Supposed, Swore,
• Taunted, Teased, Testified, Thundered, Ticked off, Told, Told off, Tore a strip off, Touted, Trailed off, Transferred, Transmitted, Trembled, Trumpeted,
• Understood, Undertook, Upbraided, Uttered,
• Verified, Vociferated, Voiced, Vouched for, Vouchsafe,
• Wailed, Wanted, Warned, Weep, Wept, Wheedle, Whimpered, Whined, Whispered,
• Yawped, Yelled, Yelped, Yowled, yipped, yammered, yawned

I added "yipped," "yawned" and "yammered" to that list. XD

As far as grammar goes, I think it's really up to proofreading. It doesn't seem like you proofread much, so make sure do that before you post chapters, because it can save you from a lot of errors. Also, if you're using Word, may I advise using the auto-correct function to change "pokemon" to "pokémon"? It makes it look better to have the accented é. XD

I thought that it was an interesting start, but when they saw the humans, I was surprised they didn't panic. As well as that, when Corey returned home, he not only acted totally calm, but he also slept at the edge of the clearing. I didn't expect him to do this because, well, I'd certainly be panicking in that situation. xD Not just that, but when his mother said that his dad was out, I thought he was going to freak out in fear of his father being caught. It just seemed a little odd that he didn't panic.

I'll keep reading and edit this post with more chapter reviews! :D I do like it so far and I have no doubt that you can improve with a little more practice and through some more editing. x)




CHAPTER TWO.

“This can’t be happening!” Corey thought, shaking in fear.

“Why is this happening!” Corey knew very well the answer to that question, yet he refused to believe it.

Speech and thoughts go on the same line if it's the same character thinking or speaking, so this speech should be on the line above.

It was too dark to tell what pokemon, but he was sure it was there

There's no full stop at the end of this sentence. x)

“This one stands no chance,” The Machamp said in a rough voice, amused, “I will crush her, right after i crush the Eevee.” At these words Coreys blood ran cold.

HOW RUDE. What a buttpie. Also, because his second sentence of speech is a separate sentence, the comma at the end of "amused" should be a period. If you're unsure how this works, just eliminate the quotation marks and work with it as if it's a regular sentence. :] Also, I saw this quite a number of times--make sure you put apostrophes in words! It should be Corey's. Also, there's a lowercase 'i' which should be in upper case.

I liked this chapter, and the story is progressing, but again there was a lack of detail. Feel free to go into detail about the thoughts and feelings of the characters, namely Corey, since it's about him. We want to know what he's thinking, how he's reacting when he's panicking. I expected the pokemon in the cages around him to do something - even make a fuss - but they didn't. They didn't even try to talk with Corey, apart from the pokemon that spoke to him earlier.

Another thing is, I find it incredibly confusing how none of these pokemon tried to fight back. When it was describing them being hooked onto leashes, I was having a hard time believing it. If they truly wanted to survive, they WOULD fight against it. I mean, the psychic type would surely have tried to confuse the humans or damage them without the humans even knowing it. Electric types would shoot lighting, and fire types would spill flames. It's logical to think that they would attack, especially when there's eighteen of them. There certainly could be many ways the humans could contain them, but it didn't mention anything other than a taser. And that could be easily destroyed with any pokemon's attack. It only has to be little, but somewhere, you have to specify why their attacks would be ineffective. Sure, Corey's small and weak, but that machamp would never be able to be held back with force. They would have to have their own extremely powerful pokemon to hold back any pokemon they captured to ensure that they wouldn't rebel.

One thing I thought of might be that the pokemon, after being knocked out, are injected with paralysing agent or something, and then weakened within an inch of losing their consciousness. Maybe then they could be controlled, but they all seemed entirely fit and healthy. xD It's things like this you need to take into consideration.

Anyhow, I'll keep reading. :] Not as many errors this time, but I didn't spot most of them because I gave you pointers on the type of thing you have to look out for in the prologue so you can find them and fix them yourself.

~SF.

[Dragon Master Mike]

Thanks so much! Honestly its less a matter of proofreading and more a matter of the fact that my grammar is so terrible that i didn't even know most of those things were wrong (I knew lots of things were wrong, just not what specifically was wrong). I will TRY to improve it at least slightly. about what you were saying, i thought about possibly giving all the pokemon special collars that supressed there powers, but that sounded just like in your story so i decided to try and think of something else. The taser is what i eventually settled on, but looking back, that would have to be a very strong taser to have stopped a Machamp or some of the other strong pokemon. I'm really not the best writer. I guess now would be a good a time as any to start proofreading with the stuff you just told me.

Actually now that i think about it, most of those errors were things that i know are wrong, if i proofread more i could have fixed them. In the future i will do more proofreading

EDIT: After proofreading the prologue and chapter one, i have realized that my issue is partially not proofreading enough and also partially expecting spell check to fix more than it actually does. I have proofread it to the best of my abilities (I think).

[Suicune's Fire]

Thanks so much! Honestly its less a matter of proofreading and more a matter of the fact that my grammar is so terrible that i didn't even know most of those things were wrong (I knew lots of things were wrong, just not what specifically was wrong). I will TRY to improve it at least slightly. about what you were saying, i thought about possibly giving all the pokemon special collars that supressed there powers, but that sounded just like in your story so i decided to try and think of something else. The taser is what i eventually settled on, but looking back, that would have to be a very strong taser to have stopped a Machamp or some of the other strong pokemon. I'm really not the best writer. I guess now would be a good a time as any to start proofreading with the stuff you just told me.

Actually now that i think about it, most of those errors were things that i know are wrong, if i proofread more i could have fixed them. In the future i will do more proofreading

EDIT: After proofreading the prologue and chapter one, i have realized that my issue is partially not proofreading enough and also partially expecting spell check to fix more than it actually does. I have proofread it to the best of my abilities (I think).

No worries! :] Well you do know that there are supposed to be apostrophes in words like "don't" and "let's" and such, yes? And always using a capital at the start of a sentence. And don't worry, even people who have been writing for years don't know how to punctuate their speech properly. I didn't know until someone on Pe2k pointed it out to me. xD Well I'm glad to help you in any way. :] And yeah, I'm sure you will improve! Ahh lol. Well that would be fine to me. XD I mean, only Typhen and other electric types have collars because it has the rubber to suppress their electricity. The others wouldn't have colours as such, so go for it. xD I mean, that IS a logical solution. Yeah, and it would have constantly have to be used on them because they would NOT take that lying down. xD No no, don't be discouraged. I still enjoyed it. You learn how to write better over time, so don't think I was hinting that you sucked as a writer. XD That's not true at all! And yeah, definitely. Now that I've pointed some things out, I'm sure you'll be able to see them much more clearly. :D

Yeah, I'm surprised that spell check didn't pick up on most of that. xD Are you using Word? Guessing by the "smart quotations" I'm gonna guess you were, but the dumb thing doesn't seem to have picked up on a LOT of things. Even just "dont" should show up as an error because it's not a word.

Anyhow, I'll give it a read after work and see if I can help ya any more. :D Feel free to go over the other chapters too so there are fewer errors by the time I read it. XD I find proofreading fun! You get to go, "DIE, UNFAITHFUL ERROR!" and correct it like a BOSS. xD


EDIT: I saw the first post and I would like to propose that you look specifically at the things I quoted about the prologue. You missed some things (such as the capital O in the "oww") and added full stops/periods where I said to add a comma instead. xD Think of it like a continual sentence. If you put a full stop at the end of speech, but then had "Corey said" after it, then it's like putting a random full stop in the middle of a sentence. But you want it to be the same sentence, so you put a comma to show that it's ongoing. Make sense? If not, I can show you what I mean in better detail.

For chapter two:

He lied down, allowing his tired legs to rest.

The correct term should be "lay down," not "lied down." Lied refers to someone who has not told the truth, but the paste tense of "lie" for resting is "lay."

I just read chapter two and I would like to say, I really enjoyed it. I love how you jumped straight into the action and wasted no time in describing the events. I was able to easily picture it and I found it quite pleasant to read. I like how some of the pokemon teamed up with each other and some, like Ruby, don't want to fight. It interests me how some are like that and some simply don't care, like the talonflame and the machamp.

I have a few criticisms about it, which is again a lack of detail in a logical/wide-thinking manner. For me, I always try to imagine it as something real that's happening, and thus I consider things like what the other characters - not just the main character - are doing. If some of them didn't want to fight, don't you think they would be doing something like burning the entire forest down? That's reckless, I know, but it's a protest against the games, at least. If the pokemon still have collars to prevent their powers from being used to destroy the arena or give them definite advantages, you should probably specify that so we're aware, and so that it makes more sense why nobody, for instance, tried to shock everyone in the arena the second the countdown stopped. I mean, what about the donphan using earthquake to destroy the clearing so that pokemon would fall through cracks in the ground? That would immediately eliminate many pokemon in the competition, especially those weak to ground types. Not only that, but all these pokemon have had at least a number of hours to plan what to do when they first got into the arena, so it's more than likely that many of them would have plans for sabotage.

Another thing was Corey hiding in the shrubs. It's good he found shelter, but if he was able to see that it provided cover and served as a good hiding place, why did nobody else? As well as that, I find it odd that he could fall asleep with all that was happening around him. He's been sleeping a lot lately. xD And he does so easily, like he's not worried about whatever could find him in there while he's got absolutely no way to defend himself. Just something to think about.

There was a timing issue as well; it took Corey an hour to reach the creek, but how did Ruby make it to the stream and then back in such a short time and then wait around those trees before Corey even got there? The only thing I can think of is firstly, Ruby running directly to the stream when the countdown hit zero, and secondly, her moving a lot faster than Corey to outmatch his speed any day. This could have been the case, but you didn't specify, so it gets confusing.

Something else I noticed was that you rarely capitalise "I" on its own. I, as its own word, should ALWAYS, ALWAYS be a capital. You capitalise it at the start of sentences, but other than that you use a lowercase, which is never correct. I would assume you'd know this, but judging by your consistent failure to capitalise it, I'd say you were aware that you weren't capitalising it and did it intentionally.

There are still other errors like lowercase letters at the start of sentences and such, but other than that, I really liked the chapter itself, and what happened. You're actually a pretty good writer--you just need to take into account logical details, more description and then, of course, grammar. You've improved already, which is absolutely wonderful. :D More practice and you'll be a pro in no time!

I found the chapter very engaging, so make sure you remember that even though there are errors, it's still a good story and I CERTAINLY believe you can improve. :D PLEASE don't be discouraged by the errors at this point. Like you said, most of them are because you're not sure that they are errors in the first place, so once you're aware of them all, you'll be able to do that easily and then focus more on the writing itself and story development.

KEEP IT UP and I'll be sure to read the other chapter soon! :D

Okay, I've read chapter three. XD

For the most part, it was great, once again. :D I LOVE that the sylveon turned out to be nasty! And totally not what Corey expected! O: What a shock! I'm excited to see what other mysteries this story holds. C: We were led to believe on multiple occasions that this sylveon was good, that she was a friend. Even just judging by Corey's immediate faith in her. It was so cool to see that he was entirely wrong. XD And that she had a secret up her sleeve. o__o What a buttpie! But what a smart one. Appealing to a sense of kinship. >;3

There are repeating errors, but you're getting better. :]

“Corey” He said. “Whats your name?” He asked.

The first thing about this quote is that there needs to be punctuation at the end of speech. Always. In this case, it should be a comma. Other thing, "What's" is an abbreviation of "what is," so you need that apostrophe to account for the missing i. That's why apostrophes exist--other than to show possessiveness. Lastly, "He asked" is redundant because you already have "he said." I think you should change "said" to "asked" and then get rid of the end one. It's telling us for a second time that he's spoken, when we already know it. x)

I'll point out the speech grammar thing to you here. In chapter two, you said this at one point:

“Corey,” Ruby said, “you’re going to be ok!”

This grammar is perfect. Your spelling of "okay" is wrong, but let's forget that for a second. The comma after "Corey" and the lowercase y for "you're" is perfect. Because if you take the quotations away, this is what you get:

Corey, Ruby said, you’re going to be ok!

See how that looks like a proper sentence? Now let's look at a quote from chapter three:

“Tell me.” She said. “what is your name?”

If you take away the quotations, we have this:

Tell me. She said. what is your name?

Can you see how it's fragmented into three separate sentences if you put periods? And do you also see how the lowercase w is wrong because it's the start of a new sentence, indicated by the period behind it? So that makes no sense, correct? Now, let's give it commas and keep the quotations removed...

Tell me, she said, what is your name?

Now, it's all one sentence and we don't have unnecessary capitals, lowercases and periods. Add the quotations and you have what it should look like:

"Tell me," she said, "what is your name?"

Does that make sense? :]

Aside from that, make sure you wrote numbers out in their letter form (except Sectors; they can stay their numbers) and remember capital letters at the start of sentences, the capital "I," and make sure you don't do any Unnecessary Capitals In Your Sentences. (xD)

REMEMBER I LIKE YOUR STORY AND IT'S COOL AND I'M SURE IT'LL BE GREAT IN THE FUTURE TOO! Another thing, you're getting better at description too. :] Try to be in the moment, feel what Corey's feeling, smell what he's smelling, and write what he's thinking. Another thing about thoughts, it's a good idea to use single quotations for them or no quotations at all so that you can differentiate between speech and thought, and italicise them. You already italicise then though, which is great. :D


~SF.

[Dragon Master Mike]

lol thanks! about the sentence: “Corey” He said. “Whats your name?” He asked. I could have sworn i noticed that sentence and fixed it while proofreading. Also... Kinda embarressed to say i didn't know ok was actually supposed to be spelt okay. Also wasn't sure if "I" was supposed to be capitilized or not. Oh, and i don't use word because i don't feel like spending $100 on it. I use google drive. I'm starting to notice that its spell check is not very good for anything but spelling. It doesn't fix grammar. Thanks so much though. I will continue writing, and keep these things in mind as i write the next chapter. I think it will be much easier to just get it right the first time instead of going back and fixing it (Even though i will still make sure to read through it for grammar errors just in case).

[Suicune's Fire]

No worries! 8D Ahaha, really? XD That happens to me sometimes. And nah, it's okay. Most people don't know about "okay." It's spelled "okay" or "OK." So you either say the O and the K as letters, meaning they have to be in capitals, or spell the entire word out so it's "o k a y." x) Common misspellings are "ok" and "Ok," both of which I read as "ock." XD

And yeah, you're always supposed to write I as a capital because it's a proper noun. :] It's how you refer to yourself, so think of it as a name, and names always have capitals. And haha, maybe you could try out something else? Your computer should have Wordpad, if it's a Windows computer, or else you could try OpenOffice, which I used to use before I got Word. It's a great, free program. :D I actually still use OpenOffice to paste sprites into, because copying them from there to a sprite editing program copies it over properly with the transparency, whereas Word messes it up. xD

No worries at all. :] And yes! I agree. Although I always miss typos in my own stories after reading over them, so it's common to miss your own errors. xD Now that I've educated you more (>:3) you'll be able to pick up on those things for yourself. :D


~SF.

[Dragon Master Mike]

Chapter 4: Hypnosis

Corey froze the instant he heard the words come out of the Ninetale’s mouth. He began to feel the panic building up inside him. “What’s behind me?” He wondered with fear, staring into the fire type’s eyes. He was about to speak when Ruby moved. Opening her mouth, she unleashed a blast of scorching hot fire towards Corey. Corey froze, watching the fire come closer. He had no time to dodge the fire. Luckily, as he would realise a second later, he didn’t have to. The fire had not been intended for him, but rather what was behind him. He realised this as the fire flew just over his head, its heat radiating towards him. Any closer and the fire would have burnt his ears, but clearly Ruby knew what she was doing. With a whoosh, the fire struck the bushes behind Corey, releasing a crackling sound as it spread.

Corey began to loosen up, hoping that whatever was behind him was gone. He slowly turned his head around. He was surprised to see that the fire was spreading like… well… wildfire. He only watched for a few seconds longer before turning back towards Ruby, disregarding the crackling generated by the inferno behind him.

“What… What was it?” Corey slowly questioned. The Ninetales didn’t answer. Instead, she looked over Corey, staring at the raging fire. She looked for only a second longer before darting forward. She moved faster than Corey thought possible, leaping over the stream towards the fire. Leaping up, she scaled a tree with ease. Standing at a branch half way up the tree, she looked down into the fire intently. She only stood there for several seconds before leaping down again, satisfied whatever had been there was gone… At least for the time being.

Ruby leaped back over the stream as easily as she had the first time. Without saying a word, she walked right past Corey, stopping when she reached our camp fire. Sitting down, she looked into the fire, thinking about what had just happened. Corey wasn’t sure what to make of the situation. He wondered if Ruby made a mistake, and if there never was anything behind him.

“I know there was something there…” The fire type said quietly, as if to answer Corey’s unspoken question.

“What was it?” The young Eevee questioned.

“I don’t know… But something tells me it wasn’t here to make friends.” Ruby answered. By now the sun had set, leaving nothing but the last dim rays of light to illuminate the look of displeasure on the Ninetale’s face. “I would suggest that we find a new location to sleep for the night, but with the fire here to keep us- Well, mainly you- warm, and with your injury still looking pretty bad, I don’t think that we can afford to move.” The fire type explained. After all that had just happened, Corey had almost forgotten about his injury. He moved his leg, just to remind himself that the injury on his shoulder was still sore.

Corey looked up at the fire type, struggling to see her face in the still diminishing light. “Whatever was here, I hope it doesn’t come back” He thought.

<~>

Corey opened his eyes. The first thing he noticed was… Well, the fact that he didn’t notice anything. It was dark. Slowly his eyes began to adjust however, and he began to make outlines of shapes around him. He listened and heard the stream flowing. Looking up, he could just barely make out the shape of the half moon through the trees.

Corey couldn’t even remember falling asleep. Clearly at some point he had though. The last thing he could remember, he had gone for a drink of water at the stream. Corey knew it had been some time since then, as the moon was in a completely different position. He slowly brought himself to his feet, his injury aching. He looked around, trying to remember what had happened. By now, his eyes were fully adjusted, allowing him to make out the shape of Ruby, lying several meters away. He looked to his left and realised he was only centimeters away from the edge of the stream. He got up and took a few steps away from the stream. He walked towards Ruby, his feet uncomfortably meeting the rocky ground below him.

Corey walked up to Ruby. Looking down at her, he immediately noticed something not right. He was not sure what it was, but he felt something off. He looked back up and swung his head around.

Nothing to his left.

Nothing to his right.

Corey sighed with relief, realising he had been panicking unnecessarily. He decided he had worried himself enough. He figured it would be a good idea to try and get some sleep.

“Should have checked behind you.” The female voice said. Corey was grabbed from behind.

“RUBY!!!” Corey shouted at the top of his lungs. Corey expected the Ninetales to wake up immediately, and jump into action. He was disappointed to see that Ruby did not move a muscle. “RU-” Corey was cut off by his captor.

“Don’t bother crying, I already took care of her.” The voice said, lifting him off the ground.

“What? Took care of her? She couldn’t mean…” Corey ended his thought there. Terrified, he closed his eyes, hoping that maybe he would wake up. He knew it wasn’t a nightmare, but he was terrified, and clueless on what to do. Opening his eyes a moment later, he sighed at his own stupidity. The fact that no one was there to save him finally set in, and Corey realised he was going to have to save himself… Something he did not think himself capable of. He was scared. He didn’t know how to fight. He knew though that something had to be done.

It took him all his courage just to turn his head around and look at his abductor. It was hard to see in the dim light, but judging by its shape, and the fact that it appeared to be floating, he figured it had to have been the ghost type from district 4. Looking down, it saw the Mismagius was holding it by its almost fabric like arms… or at least, something that resembled an arm in function. Corey thought that maybe what he had tried on the Sylveon would work here.

Stretching his neck as far as he good, he attempted to bite the ghost types limb. Corey struggled to reach it, but finally did. As he clamped his mouth closed on the Mismagius, he felt his teeth sink into it’s arms(That Corey was tempted to call tentacles). The Floating Pokemon flinched slightly, but held its grip. Corey almost gave up, but realised doing so would likely mean death. Corey bit down harder, trying to release himself from his foe’s grasp. This did not give much better results than the first time. Corey looked around, trying to figure out what to do next.

Seeing a tree coming up, Coey noticed a branch sticking out towards him. When the two Pokemon reached the tree, Corey bit down on the branch, trying with all his strength to break free. For a second he felt as if he had loosened the ghost type’s grip, but was quickly proven wrong as the Mismagius forced him away from the branch.

Corey looked up and was surprised how little ground they had covered. Perhaps he was too heavy for this Pokemon to carry? Whatever the reason, it was comforting to still be able to see Ruby… even if…

And that’s when Corey got an idea. Looking back up at his captor, he saw a hat like shape on its head. Corey stretched his neck closer and bit down on it, tugging it towards him. The ghost type screeched in pain, and immediately let go. Corey hit the ground, shocked that this had caused enough pain to the Mismagius that she had let him go. Though his injury on his shoulder was still very sore, he did not pay attention. He did not pay attention to the uncomfortably rocky ground below him, or to the black ball of energy that shot from the Pokemon behind him. All he payed attention to was his need to get away, and fast. Corey darted full speed. He moved so quickly, he even impressed himself. Looking back, he saw the ghost type fling another shadow ball at him. Corey would not have to dodge this attack however, as it completely missed… and hit Ruby. Almost immediately, the Ninetales darted to her feet.

“Looks like the Hypnosis wore off…” The ghost type mumbled, just barely audible. Ruby Instantly sprung into action. Without moving from where she stood, she unleashed a massive plume of fire towards the Mismagius. The fire engulfed the floating Pokemon, instantly killing it… Or at least, thats what Corey assumed had happened once it disappeared into the inferno. This assumption was reinforced when the fire cleared, revealing a distinct lack of anything that wasn’t charred beyond recognition. Corey sat down, sighing with relief. The Ninetales turned around and faced Corey.

“Are you ok?” The fire type questioned. Corey did not answer. Instead he simply stared back. Over her shoulder. Eyes wide with shock as he realised his assumption was wrong.

“BEHIND YOU!” Corey half shouted, half screamed. His warning was too late though. In an attack too quick for Corey to notice, Ruby was knocked to the ground. She did not stay on the ground long though. In one swift motion, The fire type leaped to the ground, spinning around to be facing the ghost type. Examining the ghost type closer, Corey could tell it had suffered some burns. Sadly, it was still in good fighting condition.

Going with the same tactic as before, Ruby unleashed yet another inferno loose on the Mismagius. At almost the same time, the ghost type unleashed a black ball of energy. As the shadow ball struck the flame, the fire was deflected. At the same time however, its power was dramatically weakened, and it harmlessly bounced off of Ruby, disappearing with a dim flash as it struck her fur.

You know what they say: If at first you don’t succeed, try again. And that is exactly what Ruby did. She unleashed yet another wave of fire. This time the floating Pokemon was less fortunate. As the flame cleared, nothing was left but a ball of fire. And the fire was screaming. Corey watched in shock as the blazing figure shot towards the water. The horrific screaming ceased as the figure crashed into the stream, just barely managing to submerge itself in the shallow water. Submerged in water it stayed.

<~>

“Wake up.” Corey heard the voice say. Opening his eyes, He saw Ruby, her face now illuminated by the golden rays of the sun. Also illuminated by sunlight were several cuts along her side, as well as a mark where the shadow ball had hit her. “We need to get moving. After that fight last night, every Pokemon in this forest will know where we are.” As Ruby spoke, Corey lazily stood up. He was surprised he had managed to sleep after all that had happened. Looking over to the stream, Corey could not see any signs of the Mismagius’s remains.

“Have any direction in mind?” Corey questioned.

“Yes. Yes I do.”

[Dragon Master Mike]

So, I'm kinda giving up on this story. I lost motivation to write it. Partially because its taking me so long to get it done (only progress I have made in months is the name of chapter 5) and partially because I feel like I improved so much from the start of the story to where it is now. I have new ideas that I want to move on to. MAYBE I will return to this story at some point, but there's a very good chance I won't. The more I think about it, the more flaws there are in this story. I have an idea for a new story, and I will think the plot through better.