Originally Posted by
ImaginiteDragonites
I'm going to be perfectly honest, critiques scare me, I didn't expect to get one this early too. It wasn't as bad as I thought but I was staring at my screen for a while. I don't know why, they just do, even though I don't get offended too easily and I usually use it as a way to improve. In fact I was literally asking for it. I just get jumpy.
I need to proofread, let's just say that. My phone hates me. I wrote this a little while back and decided to post it now, or a few days ago, I should say. My writing style has changed a bit since then and I'm working on editing some stuff, I just didn't edit this first part for dome reason. My grammar isn't exactly the best and I have no excuse for that considering English is my first language. As for commas, o either use way too many or not enough, there's not too much of an in between.
The confusing things will be resolved, because like you said the chapters are very very short, they do get longer at one point. It's only the beginning after all. I plan to edit it so I have an excuse to change my writing style into the one I mainly use now. The owner thing is another metaphor, it's all a huge metaphor surrounded by more metaphors. I just love metaphors. Anyways the owner has a mixed personality and get kind of violent when angered, but besides that he still cares about Alpha. Part of me wants to create a section explaining all the metaphors, it's my life so I'm pretty much the only one that understands every one of them.
Anyways thanks for the feedback, I plan to update it next sonetime tomorrow.
Bookmarks