King of the Hill!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

I suddenly summon a horde of raving Neo Emolga fangirls who suddenly exist because everyone has them! I fortunately bought repels for the occasion should it ever come up against me but that's not relevant right now. In any case, they're DYING to see you for the first time in PERSON, so absorbed in their works. They rush up to you and crush you tightly with their lovesqueezes, demanding autographs and calling you ridiculously cute. The girl who managed to scoop you up rushes back to her house, intending to do something straight out of the Yandere playbook and keep you in her house FOREVER. Of course, it quickly comes under siege by the other rabid fangirls and suddenly there's all out war as the Yandere fights off the Rabid fangirls and keeps you trapped forever.

I just stand the heck back and claim the hill.

MY HILL!!!

[Steven_Six]

I realize there's a hill to be captured from my vacation, and Zoop over there as soon as possible. Well then. Seeing the horde of fangirls carry off Neo, i shrug. So what.

"TAZZ! HE SHALL BE BACK SOME DAY! I SHALL JOIN YOU AS YOUR SERVANT, BUT ONLY FOR A SMALL PORTION OF THE HILL!"

I proceed to mark a 1 cm^2 area of land on the hill, and plant a flag there.
Please, my lord... Or i shall be forced to kill you.

[Neo Emolga]

I use Reality! spell on the raving fangirls, which reminds them that they have important final exams to study for, major term papers to write, tons of homework to do, and if they don't do these things, they're going to epically fail all their classes and their parents will have their heads on a stick. When they have to leave after I have wonderfully crushed their spirits, I then flee and make my escape!

I then head back to the hill and use Painful Quandary on Tazz and Steven, lowering your credit scores to rock bottom. This is followed by Plastic Menace spell, which makes a strip of thin plastic stick to your hands via static electricity, and is impossible to get off! And third, Battery Bane, where your smartphone and tablet batteries now drain at 500% their normal speed, and trying to plug them into the charger keeps leaving you perplexed about which side is up on the USB cord.

Lastly, to actually get you guys off the hill and not just torture you, I use THRASH METAL YODELING, which are two types of music and sound that really should have never been combined. This, in unison with the musical ensemble of gong, triangle, and harpsichord, causes you to be sporadically launched into the air and lands you into the sea, where you get enticed by a group of beautiful mermaids and sirens that keep you entranced by their singing (WAY better music than what I just made!) and not focused things like hills and stuff.

As for me, I set up my campsite again and make some delicious smores. Mmm, mmm, mmm...

MY HILL!!!

[Steven_Six]

*GAG* Beautiful singing is horrible to my ears. CRANK UP TEH ROCK!
I drown out the sirens with the power of FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH: GOT YOUR SIX Album, and swim. a lot. SO MUCH SWIMMING.
This buffs me up to max Sp. Attack/HP via Super Training, and i proceed to use ORIGIN PULSE. This washes you out to sea, after smashing you against MANY MANY buildings. I realize I have no smartphone, and the plastic is comfortable to my hand. And I still don't have a Credit Card, so Eh.

My hill! But I am still willing to be reduced to a servant for one of the other insane people here.

[AWA1997]

I return from oblivion and use the knowledge of Steven willing to be reduced to a servant in order to capture the hill after all of the confusion, splitting the hill 95-5 with him. I then thank him for the easy capture.

[Neo Emolga]

I get washed out to sea, but I call in The USS Jamboree Battleship, which I immediately commandeer. I then fire at Steven with Mega Cannons of Mayhem, which pummel Steven repeatedly with soccer balls that blast at him at the speed of light! 17,483,238 HP Damage to Steven! Steven got Burned! Steven became confused! Steven cannot use item: banjo! Steven has been blown off the hill and back to Djibouti!

I then glide over to the hill and poke AWA with chopsticks, which is then followed by whacking you with The Cello of Calamity. This, in unison with the musical ensemble of gong, triangle, and harpsichord cause you to be launched also into Djibouti, where you crash into Steven, which distorts the space-time continuum and causes toilet paper, caramels, and baby bottles to be dumped on your heads.

I then go back to cooking smores.

MY HILL!!!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

Meanwhile, back at the Mermaids, as it turns out they are amazed at my affinity for water while they sing for me. After learning of my ability to theoretically drown the planet in water, they group up, whisper amongst themselves, and quickly start begging me to save their stagnating civilization by drowning the world in water, allowing them expansion and access to the varied technologies of earth that they have long lacked. This is, naturally, not something I do very often, so I decline.

They beg me to and present priceless underwater treasures of an unimaginable power level, tools that could basically allow me to terraform anything, become basically god, all of fiction, you know, that sort of stuff...Still not interested. They offer me to turn me into one of them, which does involve genderbending-not something I'd immediately hop aboard, mind. That's just not me. They play up the 'physical and magical strength' aspect as much as possible, as well as apparently the 'beauty' I would be bestowed, but I'm still not pleased. They offer me the throne to the entirety of Mermaid civilization which (turned into a Mermaid, mind) I would rule over as a god-queen for all of eternity. I already did something like that before...Nope. They're really desperate, and continue to stack on more and more rewards, which barely tempt me-including, of course, using transformation majjyks to turn everyone else into mermaids so I'm not accused of mass genocide (or at least a vast majority, they can't work miracles here), access to my very own pet Cthulhu, a part of a 9-part legendary artifact that supposedly would allow me to rule all of fiction if completed, ect. While truthful, their desperation and admittedly alluring rewards do not phase me in the slightest.

They offer to capture the hill in my name and guard it for eons.

Now that sounds like a deal, on top of everything else of course, and I accept.

while Neo, AWA and Steven all bicker over the hill (and Steven attempts to play servitude to others, which I don't really feel like-you're on your own buddy), and by 'bicker' I mean wage war, they can't help but notice the very sudden increase of rain. And the very sudden surge of the lake on the center of the hill (this hill is pretty big). Before proper comprehension could be had, my 'flood the planet' spell is complete, and the world is thrown into chaos as everything, EVERYTHING is suddenly engulfed in water, even the highest peak. We're back in waterworld, boys! Hope you like swimming!

Unfortunately, none of you are THAT good at swimming, and more perplexing, it appears there's suddenly no 'top' to this endless world of water! You curse as you try your hardest to reach the top, but as darkness engulfs your vision you quickly give up on that idea.

You are rushed to Underwater HosPITal for your lack of preparations, and given proper gear for underwater exploration, only to find a world radically changed; Mermaids everywhere, decked in regal regalia, patrolling a miles-wide palace. You realize that the palace itself is dead-center over the hill, and a swarm of Mermaids guard it viciously. You know who's in there, somewhat discomforted by the new form but otherwise smug as all heck.

Sadly, the Mermaids, for once, prove far more dangerous than any of you, with a shockingly powerful resistance to electricity and surprising variety of abilities, and you and the mermaid guards wage war for eons, as promised. Until you finally, eventually beat them all out and get access to my labrynthine palace, designed to prevent Cutting the Knot, I'll just keep this hill all to myself.

MY HILL!!!

[Steven_Six]

GODDAMN THAT'S MY MOVE!

Fine. Switch over to Groudon then.

PRIMORDIAL SEA + DESOLATE LAND = Normal day.
All those magical mermaids die of a severe lack of water. And everything was built underwater, and was built for those pressures. It implodes above water. BEAUTIFULLY.

Now for... Precipice Blades!!!!
You go flying into the past, as the earth once had JACK-ALL for water.
And then I joyously take the hill again... THIS TIME FOR MY-DAMN-SELF!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

I hadn't used Primordial Sea at all! I was striaght-up generating water from nowhere! Plus, Desolate Land does not magically subtract water, it just makes it ridiculously sunny! Plus, as Emerald proves (in-story), mixing the two is SO not going to get normal day.

But no matter. I simply recall how Weather works in Pokemon (New nullifies old), and as a response, I pull out Primal Kyogre as a response. Weather mechanics in gameplay make the newer weather override the old (if I recall them correctly), meaning the weather is now Primordial Sea. Because almost all the world population is now a Mermaid, I have effectively canceled an apocalypse that you nearly started, you are marked as a villain and monster and I a hero (twice now), and you are thrown in an underwater jail while my castle expands more and more. Oh, and you have no transformation to go with it. I only said almost everyone.

MY HILL!!!

[Neo Emolga]

Holy smokies... you know, you could always become a merman, Tazz.

Before I just outright DROWN (trust me, an Emolga never likes to scuba), I quickly teleport myself right back on the USS Jamboree Battleship, which I'm really grateful for right now. I quickly initiate the Submarine Transformation Sequence, and we head underwater.

I then use Displacement Field to start warping the water to other parts of the universe to drain it out. But... that takes a while. Your merfolk army tries to stop the process, but surprise! The USS Jamboree opens fire with two dozen harpoon gattling guns, which, to your army, is like trying to dodge hurricane rain. I then blow up your silly underwater castle with Ultimate Laughing Clown Torpedo, which laughs hysterically to the tune of carnival music just before your castle is blown to kibbles and bits. Har har, and you told me not to build real estate on the hill!

Displacement Field eventually drains the water levels to normal, now exposing the hill. I simply have the USS Jamboree enter Warrior Mecha mode, and decide to enjoy the hill and watch some Netflix.

I think I'll figure out the problem of worldwide merfolk later...

MY HILL!!!