Once upon a time, there was a green penguin with a big ego. He was named Snickerdoodle and lived in Texas in a small shack with liquors he made himself.

It was a sunny day when Snickerdoodle met the orange whale at the movie theatre. As always, the movie theatre was full of owls who made loud noises and sandwiches. But something seemed very strange about the sandwiches today. He didn't know why the sandwiches felt so strange. They just did. Today's movie was The Ugly Pterodactyl Goes to Mars. It was just awful.

Suddenly, there was a bright light that made all the sandwiches turn into fish. They began to attack everyone, so Snickerdoodle called the police, but there was a fish that was equipped with heat-seeking missiles. One missile was heading for his phone! So he used his beak to block the explosion and turned into a fire-breathing dragon who promptly ate one of the fish that was making sandwiches. Shocked, the other fish quickly retreated, leaving very confused owls.

Later that day, Snickerdoodle was visited by an alien who came from Pluto and was looking for a spaceship carrying a legendary FATE which had the ability to track the number of times things like it orbited the sun. Snickerdoodle decided to help the alien, but accidentally started a war with the evil Alpaca Clan.

The Alpaca Clan was not pleased with, well, anything. They had a mission: to rid the world of all clam shell packaging. To accomplish this, they had to obtain a sample of alien technology. Therefore, the war was brutal because the Alpaca Clan enslaved helpless kittens to do their taste tests of radioactive gum, which was intended for melting the entire country of Canada.

Canada, as it learned the news, was thoroughly frightened and immediately took action to stop the Alpaca Clan from stopping the melting of its icebergs. However, the icebergs turned into firebergs instead. They just happened to be right next to the place where Canada makes breath mints. The firebergs caused the breath mints to somehow become radioactive. The radioactive mints also had the power to unleash your inner Hulk. Fortunately, Snickerdoodle was immune to the Hulkishness. He went to Canada with an army of animate rubber duckies and commando aardvarks and giant moths and challenged the Alpaca Clan to a rap battle featuring Pokemon Trainer Sarah and Neo Destiny Shining Emolga. This epic battle was too epic for even Chuck Norris to handle.

The Clan, of course, chose to use the power of the Almighty Breath Mints. Immediately after the Clan became Team Hulk, a shooting star took aim and fell towards the firebergs. The firebergs exploded, sending a minty blast towards our lovable heroes that did nothing except burn their bad breath away. They were very relieved that their bad Malboro breath was finally gone. Just then, Snickerdoodle decided to execute his secret plan to restore the fallen city of Marua. The city of Marua was a city of fire that once towered above the candy mountains, but its fire could produce the world's largest candy. Sadly, when the candy was created, Marua had used so much fire that almost all of the city was covered in melted sugar. This caused the city to become a vacation spot for dentists, who had Type II diabetes patients galore. Diets didn't help them; it was futile. But enough about how Marua sunk. Let's get back to Snickerdoodle's plan.

Anyway, Snickerdoodle tried liposuction on Maruans, but he realized that they were not liposuctionable. Instead, he introduced the Maruans to papayas, because it made sense to him to boost fiber content in the Maruans' diet. Shickerdoodle was thenceforth revered by an old man known as Santa, the coal gifter, whose primary purpose was to give free ballet lesson videos to people who wants to learn how to...