The Squawkers RPG - The Main Action and Team Status Thread of Candy Madness! [NOW LIVE AND INSANE!]

[Neo Emolga]

My cuteness is too high, so I'm going to stay in today.

(treating it as a Fitness Workout since it never hurts, is better than passing, and YES, reduces the cuteness!)

You decide to take a break today and sleep in, but then you suddenly get the itch to PUMP IRON and hulk out, slam a punching bag, incinerate a target dummy, plan world domination, play checkers with a Pachirisu, make lemonade, roll around, run the New York City marathon, and build a fort of cardboard boxes and then lay siege to your own fort using a stepladder and two of your favorite Patrat helpers. They even came dressed in barbarian gear! Such glorious conquest and physical activity has made you more badass!

Carly's Overwhelming Cuteness nonsense has been reduced by 2 points!

You're feeling better already! You growl and roar and decide to name yourself "Fiendslayer" for the day!

Carly the Courageous Growlithe (M: Fire)

Classy: Slappy Happy Classy
Style: Trigger Happy (2 DMG, 100% CoH)
Goodies #1: <Empty>
Goodies #2: <Empty>
Belly: 0/10
Overwhelming Cuteness: 6/10
Groovy Abilities: Reincarnate | Perky Stuff!: Memes

[Noblejanobii]

Let's have a chat with #1 Babbyboo the Blissey!

[Neo Emolga]

Hm, let's see what else the townsfolk know...

Interview 64 Zezzyzee the Togekiss

Interview Rapport: POSITIVE!
+1 Shared Pokémon Type (Flying)

You find Zezzyzee the Togekiss works as a personal trainer at the Get Buffed! Exercise Club over at the Sippy Side Sunny Shoreline Shiny Store Series. She actually seems like quite the badass and is currently making a Jolteon work his butt off! She keeps him going until he lands flat on his face, unable to do another push-up!

She then looks to you and smiles. She's got that badass, twinkle in her eyes that would make most timid Pokémon just outright PANIC.

"Ah, fresh meat!" She exclaims with a dark smile before composing herself. "Ha, only kidding! You seem like a nice, strong butt-kicker that would love a good workout! So, what can Zezzyzee do for you?"

You explain you're here to figure out what's going on with the Squawkers and to get the latest scoop on what she might know about them. Zezzyzee nods, knowing all too well about what's been going on around town.

"Sweet Lugia, you have NO IDEA," Zezzyzee laughs. "Just about every day I get some chump or goon looking like they ate a Snorlax and washed that down with a pool of chocolate milkshake goo. Hasn't stopped me from getting even the flabbiest Pokémon back into shape! Of course, for a little coinage. Say, if you're ever in the mood for a crazy and intense workout, here's what I offer!"

She then shows you a list of exercises and workout programs she has to offer.

GET BUFFED! EXERCISE PACKAGES
$=Full Belly and Overwhelming Cuteness Purge= (Resets everything to 0) 500 Snax$
$=Colossus Titan Workout (+1 MAX Belly & Overwhelming Cuteness Permanent Buff) 1000 Snax$
$=Ragebeast Hangry Cerberus Hatred and Lothing Blackest of Infernal Doom Workout (+2 MAX Belly & Overwhelming Cuteness Permanent Buff) 1800 Snax$

Not cheap, but definitely faster and more effective than anything else you've seen around Booplesnoot.

"I know of two Squawkers," Zezzyzee tells you after you've looked over the services she offers. "Al is one of them. Simple name, but he talks in riddles and is just making a lot of Pokémon around town really confused. I know because somehow he's rigged fortune cookies with hints. Alone, they don't make sense, they rhyme, and they're kind of stupid. Like one that I saw just said 'now you and I can have a toast for sweet ol' Al isn't a ghost." Okay, makes no sense, but I realized that if you start adding all these clues together, they're ruling out who ISN'T Al. Combine enough of these dumb clues and you may get to the bottom of who it really is. I mean I'd try it but I'm darn busy trying to keep this entire town in shape after half the city got turned into candy goo!"

"The other Squawker I know of is Banananana," Zezzyzee informs you. "Boy, what a stupid name that is. I've overheard three of my members mentioning that name and it doesn't look like they talked to each other. Then I know there's a Squawker that deals heavily with rainbows and another that seems to have a cookie addiction, but that's about all that I've overheard."

"Oh, and talk to Wedge if you get the chance," Zezzyzee says to you. "He's the only cop with a brain and he works out here all the time, especially considering the police training area is now chocolate goo. I mean really, Biggs and Vivi are sweet and kind Pokémon, but they're idiots and don't know what they're doing."

"Anyway, nice chatting with ya!" Zezzyzee smiles to you before she decides break time for her exhausted Jolteon trainee is over. "Come on by whenever you feel like getting really BUFF!"

You've discovered 64 Zezzyzee the Togekiss has the Hardcore Parkour Perky!

Velo the Heroic Lugia (L: Psychic/Flying)

Classy: Guardian Snow Angel
Style: Puns of Anarchy (Overwhelming Cuteness -3 on each Enemy Attack)
Goodies #1: <Empty>
Goodies #2: <Empty>
Belly: 2/12
Overwhelming Cuteness: 0/8
Groovy Abilities: Amigo Mode | Perky Stuff!: Hardcore Parkour

[arnisd]

I think it's about time to go catch a movie in the 10) Slick Flicks Movie Theater... here's hoping things aren't to expensive or crappy

[Shruikan]

I think I'll interveiw #3 Zuul the Minccino

[Bulbasaur]

Let's interview #39 Spanky the Ekans.

[Neo Emolga]

Let's have a chat with #1 Babbyboo the Blissey!

Interview Rapport: NEUTRAL, MODEST!
+Modesty (Ghost VS Normal)

You decide to chat with Bappyboo the Blissey, and you find she works as the head director of the Booplesnoot Times Newspaper. And when you greet her, you almost immediately regret it. Her eyes light up and she immediately rushes to you like she's going to bowl you over with her giant girth and squash you like a steamroller over a pancake.

"Oh, oh, look at you!" she squeals with delight, caressing you instantly before pinching your cheeks. "Aren't you just the CUTEST thing! Yes, you are! YES, YOU ARE! Hee hee hee!"

You back away, a bit irritated, but you decide to quickly get down to business and ask what Babbyboo knows about the Squawkers or anything else that's unusual that she's seen around town.

"Oh, those silly Squawkers!" Bappyboo giggles. "They aren't so bad! I honestly think they're just out having some wily fun! I mean I'm quite sure they'll clean up after themselves once they're done and just want to go home! Sure, I think not everyone expected for them to stay around for so long, but I'm sure they'll want to go back to where they came from eventually, right? I'm sure they have families and children and mommies just waiting for them back home!"

She giggles, pinches your cheek again, and does a little wobble dance. And... she giggles again.

"Oh, there's all kinds of things going on around town!" Bappyboo giggles again. "I should know! Why, just this morning I discovered that cranky old Shut Up and Sleep Hotel had become a lovely sculpture of absolutely lovely vanilla cream pudding! I've already had one of my journalists write a story about it! But that silly Vigoroth never even bothered to try a taste of it first! I'm disappointed in that lout! Hee hee hee, only kidding! He's really quite nice. He does such a nice job shining my shoes whenever I ask him to do it!"

"Oh, you adorable, little thing, you!" she squeals. "You run along now! I've got to get back to work, and I'm sure you have many fun places to go to today! Hurry along, now, but feel free to come back anytime!"

She then waddles back over to her office, and you kind of wish you could forget about that experience.

Madder the Devious Mimikyu (S: Ghost/Fairy)

Classy: Humiliation Commando
Style: Desperado Cowboy (4 DMG, 75% CoH)
Goodies #1: <Empty>
Goodies #2: <Empty>
Belly: 1/8
Overwhelming Cuteness: 2/12
Groovy Abilities: Stealth Mode | Perky Stuff!: Browser History Hacking

[Neo Emolga]

I think it's about time to go catch a movie in the 10) Slick Flicks Movie Theater... here's hoping things aren't to expensive or crappy

You head over to Slick Flicks, where it's actually a nice day and the weather isn't going terminally insane, which is nice for a change. You check the outside first to see if there's anything weird, wacky, bizarre, or something like that, but there's mostly cars, some Pokémon playing with their phone, and a baby Magby screaming his head off while his Magmortar mother is trying to calm him down and stuff him into a child car seat. Ah, the joys of parenting.

You head inside and it's a pretty cozy place that looks like it at least tries to keep clean, though it's a never-ending battle with lazy slobs. You check the posters and the movie listing to see what's playing, and they've got five movies here. The Rich and the Skuz, The Brewnies: The Movie, Bad is Bad 3, The Spanky Supreme: Spanky Spanks, and Slug Club 2. And all five of them really don't look like they're worth your time, but if you absolutely had to see one of them, you imagine Bad is Bad 3 would probably be good as a mindless action flick, but you'd have no clue what was going on because you didn't see the first two Bad is Bad movies and so nothing is going to make any sense.

You check out the concession stand and hmm...

CONCESSION STAND
$~[CinaPOP Popcorn - GRASS (+2 Belly)]~ 400 Snax$
$~[Sodah - WATER (+1 Belly)]~ 300 Snax$
$~[Rooty Beer - WATER (+1 Belly)]~ 200 Snax$
$~[ChocoNUTTY Candez - NORMAL (+2 Belly)]~ 250 Snax$
$~[Mintos - ICE (+1 Belly)]~ 200 Snax$
$~[Eeneeee Candy - GHOST (+1 Belly)]~ 200 Snax

You swear Eeneeee Candy is the weirdest thing you've ever seen and you really question if it's even edible. It's a whole box of glowing purple nuggets that you highly doubt are any good for your health.

You do find that someone dropped a nice chunk of change in the bathroom. I mean sure, it's well beyond the five minute rule, but it's cash! Of course that rule doesn't apply! And of course you're not going to eat it now, are you?

$200 Snax has been added to the Team Pile!

You decide to head out and check back at Peep Base!

Dio the Stalwart Vibrava (M: Ground/Dragon)

Classy: Slappy Happy Classy
Style: Desperado Cowboy/Cowgirl (4 DMG, 75% CoH)
Goodies #1: <Empty>
Goodies #2: <Empty>
Belly: 0/10
Overwhelming Cuteness: 2/10
Groovy Abilities: Stealth Mode | Perky Stuff!: Death Metal

[Neo Emolga]

I think I'll interveiw #3 Zuul the Minccino

Interview Rapport: ✭EPIC!!✭
Same Evolution Line!

You find Zuul the Minccino works as a journalist at the Booplesnoot Times Newspaper and he typically doesn't like his job, but you have a feeling that's not because of the nature of the work, it's because of... Bappyboo. Out of the corner of your eye, you see he's working on a story that Babbyboo requested about what's fluffier, an Eevee or a Buneary, and he just couldn't care less about the subject matter.

"Oh HEY!" Zuul lights up when he sees you! "Thank you, I could use a break from this... crap. I mean my stupid boss keeps requesting stupid stories like... yeah, LOOK AT THIS! Who cares!? Anyway, it was bad before the Squawkers showed up, but it's only gotten worse. And yeah, she told me it's this or do a story about taste-testing every afflicted building in town and do a food review about it. Like hell I'm doing that. So fluff versus fluff it is."

You ask Zuul about what he has learned about the Squawkers and if he's come across anything that might be helpful.

"I SWEAR my stupid boss Bappyboo got afflicted by one of these Squawkers," Zuul tells you with a hard sigh. "I mean she's always been annoying and cheeky, but she treats the Squawker invasion like it's no big deal and everyone's real estate turing into candy is just wonderful. And why does she keep wanting to send reporters and journalists into those afflicted places? They're freaking dangerous! I had to roll Duggy the Quilava over to the Get Buffed! Exercise Club because he just barely made it back alive and only stopped devouring all that cake because he became too much like a bowling ball to continue snacking. I told him to seriously never do these stupid kinds of stories. I'd rather get fired than end up like that! Well, he's on sick leave after Zezzyzee worked him so hard that he barfed, but at least he's still alive and in one piece!"

"I really didn't become a journalist for this," Zuul sighs. "Or these kinds of stupid stories! I wanted to cover cool stuff, like entertainment, music, maybe movie reviews, that kind of thing. Instead I'm stuck doing crap. Oh, but speaking of music, I should show you how I rock a bass guitar sometime! I've gotten so badass at it!"

You've discovered 3 Zuul the Minccino has the Death Metal Perky!

"Whew, just wow," Zuul sighs with almost a slight laugh, looking a lot better after having talked to you. "Say, you know what, you're a cool guy and I appreciate you saving my sanity from having to look at this dumb story for the last two hours. I think I'm just going to say screw it and shovel out dumb, random reasons why Eevee is fluffier and just throw it out there for publishing. I don't even think Bappyboo really even cares and Whopper just does whatever because she's overworked by Bappyboo. She's a moron too and I can't stand her face."

"Say, I think you'll be able to use this," Zull tells you, handing over a plastic membership card. "I haven't made any orders lately, but I'm sure you'll make better use of it than I have."

3 Zuul the Minccino has given you his [Glamazon Prime Membership]!

"Thanks for stopping by," Zuul smiles. "I'll catch you around, Fírnen!"

Fírnen the Incredible Cinccino (S: Normal)

Classy: Guardian Snow Angel
Style: Ecstatic About Static! (Player Explosions do not add to the Entertainment Level of Kawaii Armageddon Event #2)
Goodies #1: <Empty>
Goodies #2: <Empty>
Belly: 0/8
Overwhelming Cuteness: 1/12
Groovy Abilities: Amigo Mode | Perky Stuff!: Hollywood Shenanigans

[Neo Emolga]

Let's interview #39 Spanky the Ekans.

Interview Rapport: POSITIVE, MODEST!
+1 Shared Pokémon Type (Poison)
+Modesty (Grass VS Poison)

You find Spanky works at Tal-Mart as a cashier, the job every college graduate aspires to have. No. He smiles all the time as per his manger's orders, though it's always, ALWAYS with sarcasm. You greet him, smile, and ask him what he knows about the Squawkers. He flicks his tongue and smiles.

"Oh yessss," Spanky hisses with a smile. "I know weird, ssstupid thingsss about sssome Pokémon. You ssssee, I ssscan the thingssss they buy all the time when they sssshop here. Now, when you sssstart adding thingsss up, you ssssstart learning thingssss. Like Putzor. I know sssshe livesss in the Piply Apartmentssss. Sssshe bought a lot of paper and tin foil the other day, and I couldn't imagine why. Well, sssshe hasss thissss weird passssion of rolling up big tin foil ballssss into her mouth and then tassssers herssself. I pisssssed myssself laughing the firssst time I ssssaw it and I had to sssslither away real fassst!"

"And ugh, Peeksssy," Spanky sighs before snickering. "He'ssss a ssspecial type of idiot. He keepsss having to buy new furniture becausssse he keepsss breaking hissss old ssstuff with his tantrumssss."

"Sssssay," he sneers. "If you help me, I'll help you. I have a 10th Pressstige Emblem for Call of Fruity: Ultra Modern Black Opssss Warfare Ghossstsss, but I need sssssome extra Pssssychossssoft Vex-Box Pointssss. 5,000 to be exact. Well, it'ssss either that, or you'll have to work in 10,000 hoursss of free time to get it! It'ssss a better deal if you give me thossse preciousss pointsss!"

You nod, but you have a better idea than this chump's nonsense.

39 Spanky the Ekans: 5,000 Psychosoft Vex-Box Points OR Simulation of 10,000 Hours of Free Time OR <Browser History Hacking>



You whip out your laptop of hacking mastery, use your mad hax skills, and dig into all the social media and nonsense connected to Spanky the Ekans and dive into all his account and personal information. And what you find makes you laugh to the point where it almost HURTS.

Turns out Spanky loves uploading videos to YouCube, and he has a whole secret personal collection of ones where he records himself dressing up like a noodle wearing a tutu with anime girl eyes stuck to his eyes and go rolling around in vodka sauce. There's like almost fifty of these stupid things. That and he is constantly watching videos of Watchogs choking on unshelled eggs. Like, the same three stupid videos over thousands of times.

You make him away of this new knowledge you've learned and it turns into quite the leverage.

"NOOOO!!!" Spanky panics! "No, no no, pleasssssse!! You musssn't tell anyone about thossse! Please, have mercy! MERCY! AHGGH-AH-AHHH!!!"

39 Spanky the Ekans has become Compliant!

39 Spanky the Ekans has given you the [10th Prestige Emblem!]

"Take it, take it!!!" Spanky sobs, shivering like a sad little danger noodle. "Oh gawwwdddd, no, no! Pleassse! Pleaseee don't tell anyone about thossseee!! I'd rather die!"

You nod, take your winnings, and decide to go along on your merry way.

Eddie the Epic Bulbasaur (S: Grass/Poison)

Classy: Slappy Happy Classy
Style: Trigger Happy (2 DMG, 100% CoH)
Goodies #1: <Empty>
Goodies #2: <Empty>
Belly: 2/8
Overwhelming Cuteness: 0/12
Groovy Abilities: Reincarnate | Perky Stuff!: Browser History Hacking