Ooooo, I really like this beginning, draws you right in. Who is this unnamed protagonist? What is it they’re so scared of, and what is this horrible thing feeding on their fear? How’d they get in this unfortunate situation? Guess I gotta keep reading!
Karos, is that our pitiful protag? Break them? Who are they? Go back where, and what’s preventing him from doing so?
Ah, ‘twas a nightmare. And oooo, this is a Pokemon story? I don’t remember getting any Pokemon stories last year, so this’ll be interesting.
By day, he had to fight them for real. No rest for this guy, it seems.
Fragments of glass, what from, I wonder? And who’s this weird voice talking to Karos?
Oo, a Raichu against a Giratina… Not exactly a fair fight.
So Fokasu is the power to create? To create any other Pokeon? Yikes, I certainly can see now why you don’t want that falling into the wrong hands. You’ve definitely established the stakes for this war, and they are high indeed. Nevermind the world, the fabric of reality is likely in danger, should the wrong Pokemon be brought into existance.
And after this Pokemon is created, is it a new life capable of thinking and feeling and acting on its own? Is it merely an extension of its creator? Is it possible for it to go off and do whatever it pleases, or does it fulfill a specific purpose and then return to nothingness? I wonder how Karos found out about his power-- did he stumble upon it by accident, or did someone identify it within him? Is he capable of using that power now, is he struggling to access it, can he use it but not control it?
Whoops okay one question answered already-- fight and defend whatever Karos decided on. I do wonder if they’re sentient and to what degree, though.
They live forever? Because they’re Legendary Pokemon, or because they’re creations? Jeez louise.
This is a not-quite-as-serious thought, but now I’m wondering if the names Karos rattled off are beautiful and poetic names he crafted for his creations, or if they’re fairly common ones he just picked off the top of his head, like Jonathan, Alexis, Rebecca. The former would be sad and touching, the latter amuses me.
Hm. I wonder if the reason Zevel’s hordes are deranged are because he’s valuing quantity over quality, or if they’re just reflecting his wickedness somehow.
Zevel felt no ‘ping’?
Okay, more of my wondering and speculation being answered. If Karos’ creations can be considered his friends and companions, then I suppose they’re capable of speaking and thinking and feeling on their own, but since Zevel’s creations are gibbering and lacking in the sanity department, I guess it takes some effort and care to make it that way?
How does one act as mentor to a person who can endlessly recreate the gods?
And how did Karos and Zevel gain their gifts? Was it random chance and happenstance? Did some higher god of fate give them it? Have there been others with the Fokasu? How did they wield it? Did Zevel steal it from them somehow, and use their former gift to slaughter them, too?
Humans did exist at some point? How fascinating! I wonder how long this war’s been raging-- decades at the very least.
Zevel had ‘discovered and infested’ this world? I wonder what it was like before then. If it had a purpose, if it had inhabitants, before Zevel invaded it and made it his base of operations.
Well, good thing Karos is a Raichu and has moves like Thunder Wave, I suppose.
A fear of broken glass, huh? Karos seems to have the worst luck.
I liked that scene. Probably won’t totally cure Karos’ phobia, but it’ll help.
I do really like how you describe the scene here, too.
We don’t see the final battle between Karos and Zevel, but I do feel that that was a good place to stop. Had you had more time, I would have absolutely been interested in seeing what, eventually, occurred.
Originality:
I will admit-- when I first posted this first challenge, I wasn’t really expecting a Pokemon submission. After getting certain questions, however, I started expecting it a little.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed this story a lot. I talk later about how I really like the pacing, and how the emotional feeling of the story changes. But I don’t think originality was quite the strongest suit of this story. Giratina is the antagonist of Pokemon stories quite often, the Renegade banished for violence rebelling against the rest of the gods. That being said, original or not, you made it work for this story-- Something about Giratina and mirrors just works excellently. And I will admit, it’s not every day that one sees a Giratina with the power of creation-- typically I see Giratinas with powers over portals, shadows, dimensions, or gravity.
I am extremely curious about humans once existing, though, and I have to wonder a lot about that. Were they Zevel’s first target after destroying the Legendaries, or did they die out long ago due to unrelated circumstances? How long has this world been without its gods, and how has this affected it?
Three points for Originality.
Characters:
This is unsurprising, but of all the characters that I saw in this entry, I think the best one was Karos. He was the one the entire story was told from the perspective of, we hear everything from his point of view-- his thoughts on his powers, his fear, his foe, his creations, his mentor. I did enjoy the interaction between him and Farrel a lot, and how Farrel helped Karos temporarily overcome his phobia. I wish we could have met one of Karos’ creations that he put his heart and soul into, or Zevel himself, but again-- short time limit, so very understandable why we couldn’t
Four points for Characters.
Coherency:
Again, no issues or confusing things with coherency. You began in a quite emotionally-charged in media res, but still found a way to explain what was going on in to get to this point without disrupting the flow, never changing the stakes but slowly bringing down the emotional trepidation Karos was feeling until he was prepared for the final battle. I think that was one of the best things about this submission.
Seven points for Coherency.
Spelling and Grammar:
No problems that I saw.
Two points for Spelling and Grammar.
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