Pokemon Crossed: Kingdom Hearts (Red Version)

[Fiery Fastball]

This story will have three versions, each following a different character, Red will follow a Keyblade wielder named Ogon, and her Fennekin, Green will follow a Keyblade wielder named Trava and his Chespin, and Blue will follow a Keyblade wielder named Vody and his Froakie.


This fanfiction trilogy will rather loosely be based on DDD, Birth By Sleep and the original KH.


Ogon prefers to use magic, Trava uses power, and Vody prefers speed.

part one of the Prologue to all three versions

Master Nom E. Kop, the only Keyblade Master so far to be able to also use Pokemon, has come to the Destiny Islands, from his world, to meet with three friends who have been chosen by both a Keyblade and Pokemon. The Master has decided to send them on a mission. His appearance is loosely based on Chuck Norris, with his facial hair, black belt, and cowboy attire.

"Trava, Ogon, Vody. Are you three fully prepared for your coming quest? You all need to keep this between you and I. The Mark of Mastery Exam is difficult. All of you could pass, or none of you. I will give you the ability to go beyond your world through the Lanes Between, into other worlds. You must make friends with the Pokemon you meet, and keep the Light strong in your hearts, and steer away from the Darkness whenever possible. Do you understand?" The Master began to explain.

The trio of friends sat quietly, and nodded "Yes".

Then, suddenly, Nom E. Kop sensed something awry.

"Excuse me, but I have just noticed something that may interfere with your exam. My old enemy, Master Xehanort has unleashed creatures of Darkness, without hearts, to several worlds. He may have some accomplices. My old Master, Yen Sid, calls these foul beings 'Heartless'. He has requested me to tell you that if anybody aligns themselves with Heartless, that you use your Pokemon AND your Keyblades to destroy them, do not face Xehanort quite yet. I don't want to lose my newest pupils to his darkness." He added.

[FedoraChar]

Hello there! :D Okay, I have to say, I love the idea of a Pokemon/KH crossover! I've dabbled with the idea myself, although I have never actually gone far with it.

You got an interesting concept here--but may I give a few pointers?

First off, you seem to be doing more "telling" than "showing". I feel more like I'm reading a movie synopsis than an actual story. What adds meat (and therefore, interest) to your story is to flesh out details--not just appearances and settings, but character's thoughts, emotions, and personality. Your prologue that you've given here is far too short for a reader to really connect with. I have no idea where in time and space we are--for all I know, the characters could be standing in a horse stable. Or a classroom. Or my grandmother's basement. I also have no incite on these people you've designated as the main characters. Who's Vody? What's he like? What does he think about this crazy random exam? Is he nervous? Excited? Bored?

I hate to say it, but your description of Nom E. Kop bothered me. In this universe (Pokemon/KH), I wouldn't think that Chuck Norris exists. *insert Chuck Norris Joke here* Sure, your readers would know. But they're immersing themselves in a story that wouldn't know. You should walk us through his appearance and personality, rather than giving what almost seems like a cop-out, saying "he looks like this person."

So "show" us, rather than tell us. And you might want to consider a longer prologue--these parts of the story are meant to grip readers and keep them interested in your story. Yours here was just a little too short, and it was over before I could really get into the story. So I would suggest extending the scene (have more things happen), add more detail, and so on :)

Also, just one more pointer--you should consider your format and layout. I wasn't really sure where your synopsis ended and your story began. You might want to bold the title of your Prologue, just so we readers know where it starts :)

So those are my pointers! :D Writing always starts somewhere--and you're on your way! Just remember, just as with anything, practice makes perfect! :)

[Fiery Fastball]

That wasn't the whole prologue.

[FedoraChar]

You should probably post all of it at the same time, then, don't you think?