[WAR] Role Play: Terminus (Sign-Ups)

[Saraibre Ryu]

Guns and blood and killing people is definitely not PG. This whole RP is above the PG marker. War is messy. It will happen.

Now how would you have me change it without completely destroying the character concept? She is in no way completely naked. It's close, sure, but nowhere are explicit parts actually showing. The character's choice of basic outfit and bust size is meant to be comic relief. You're taking it too seriously I think. I don't want to break the rules of course, so help me out without the character concept being destroyed please.

For the images is it just the first image that's much? That can poof if you're sure it has to go. The puberty description in the history is a major part of the character, though. Please explain how you want it edited so the character concept can be preserved.

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Without getting some help I can only guess, and I've removed mention of specific body parts and clarified that she is covered where it counts. Also put the entire post in spoilers, though yea, its not that explicit. What else would need to be done to make it acceptable? Sure I can't keep the first image? Besides that, is it fine now?

As I said I don't want to break rules, and didn't do this on purpose. Please, work with me here.

War and violence vs mildly sexual content are two different things. Violence and warring can be mentioned without blatant detailed representation of how a bullet passes through each part of a human skull. I can say someone was shot, and that can be the end of it. It doesn't form a detailed image in my head. War can be described without mentioning the thousands of wounds in a medical camp, or the other gruesome darkness's of it either. It's the what and how it's told, and you've got large chest boulders described in a lot of detail with the former already at the borderline of a big no-no.

You're describing explicit parts by including if she's wearing undergarments or not, as an example. That is not a necessary detail to include. I don't think I'm taking it too seriously, I'm usually very lenient and open on characters, but when people bring up concerns that include members and staff, it can't go ignored, and potential rule breaking needs to be taken seriously. It's my job as a mod to make sure I get things looked into and concerns handled the best I can.

The bust size meant to be comic relief, I fail so see a woman's chest size being comic relief without implying mature themes. However if you want to use it that way, don't emphasize on it so much and make it so out there that it makes other people uncomfortable. The puberty thing again, does not necessarily need to be put into that kind of detail. You can always mention it off hand in the story itself, or put it into other words. "She had back problems as a teenager due to bodily development" is a lot more of a safer way to describe things.

Remember that there are younger people who can happen to read the WAR thread and we could not even know it. You need to word things with a younger audience in mind.

First image: yes, that image has been deemed not appropriate by the staff, it's got to go. Also, again, if it's NSFW or considered as such, don't even think about posting it.

You want to have an emotionless acting female with large busts? That's fine [even if I do not see how it's a comic relief type thing], but in another set of words, you need to make it more kid friendly. Plain and simple. That's my suggestion. Again, other members of the RP itself as well as staff have brought up this concern. That's why I brought it up. Character concept and the required details for a sign up are two different things.

[bronislav84]

Please Sabi, never quote me without waiting at least a half hour if you insist on quoting. I edit my posts for at least a half hour after posting them. Your copy of my post is now outdated.

I completely get what you're saying, though it's a bit wordy for me. What exactly do you need me to change while still being able to preserve the character concept? You've mentioned the first image, and I'm removing it as soon as this post goes down. Also changing one of the other images because I found a more consolidated image of the figure and one of the previous figure images stopped working.

The back problems are a major character plot point, tough. It's the reason she's not in a wheelchair and explains her employment. I specifically made it true to life (A size like that would most likely cause a situation like this) and led this part of the story into her joining Aqua because of it. I can't de-emphasize that without the character becoming less than what it should be. I can try, though. I'm going to lower the amount of times I refer to parts of the body. Please tell me if it's good enough.

What else? Anything else? Please be specific.

BTW the comic relief bit is based on anime where girls with intentionally large and disproportionate (As in pretty much impossible IRL) chests get into trouble with men and are either clumsy or the female in question is considered desirable by every man except the one she actually likes. Cue romantic comedy. It's meant to lead her into what I hope will be funny encounters with either other players or NPCs I create, and make the reader smile just based on how she looks. She can change her clothes and appearance using older non CGI "movie magic" style techniques, but she can't change her body type. While the character herself is meant to be menacing and I'm expecting to rack up a body count with her, the way she looks is supposed to set readers at ease. Assuming people even read it, of course. I know some people don't read posts where their character isn't mentioned as affected.

[Dash]

Alright, I'm doing this since Sabi can't post at the moment.

Basically, as said already, you need to keep the character kid-friendly. I'm just going to go with appearances and then to your backstory, because there is nothing honestly wrong with your personality.

For your appearance, you're just going way too far into this for it to be, as said many times before, kid-friendly. First of all, let's disregard any recognition of undergarments and remove those little things about the underwear and bra. That is something that most people would not care for. Also, we've got to change the fact about this: "Her chest moves or jiggles at pretty much any movement and provides lots of comic relief." It isn't comic relief to a lot of people, especially younger audiences and, from what I can tell, mostly everyone. You may find it comically relieving, and that's fine, but we don't, and we don't it here if it's bad for a younger audience.

For your backstory, it's fine till you get to the parts where you start describing puberty. You don't need to go in-depth with that. You can simply say what Sabi said, as strange body development. You can say that it gave her back problems, that is fine. Going on the fact about everything that happens in the manner you did, is not. All we want you to do that, is word the section in a more kid-friendly matter. Otherwise, everything is fine.

tl;dr turn down the sexuality, fix some things in appearance and backstory.

[bronislav84]

Alrighty I think I've fixed up those parts of the description as requested. I've explained in my previous post how the size is comic relief, and it's based on anime. Lots of people watch anime and would get that kind of sexual humor. Not that it would necessarily happen, but I wanted to leave it available because the character is otherwise menacing and plays in the red.

Now I'm having trouble toning down the development problem without making it more minor than it has to be. This is a major point about the character. I can't stress this enough. It's the centerpiece of the character. The back problems caused by her you-know-what caused her to need the metal graft, which caused her to be hired by the the organization providing the metal to be grafted for the operation. If I change too much of that it risks killing the entire cause and effect being set up, because even adults reading it wouldn't understand exactly what kind of body development problem caused this. I'm trying to avoid situations where taking that paragraph out of context would cause confusion. As of now all the information in it is self contained.

Large you-know-what happening quickly > terrible back problems > doesn't want to get a reduction > alternative solution provided by Aqua > goes to work for Aqua after graduating.

I just can't figure out how to do it without it getting de-emphasized too much to the point of no longer seeming important when it's the most important part about the character's story.

Help please? I've never been good at rewrites, and I'm already out of ways I can think of to fix it. I'm sorry if I'm sounding difficult, you two. I know you're doing your jobs and nobody is above the rules, not even members who are almost as old as dirt since Elite with few being older. I'm not asking for special treatment. This is just incredibly difficult for me to do on my own. Not that I'm not trying, but I've hit the proverbial wall and my head is starting to hurt from hitting it repeatedly. I can't do this on my own, and I'm feeling like a retard right now. I know the what, but can't figure out the how to actually do it part.

[Homura]

Let's work together Bron. I think that we can help you fix your issues. The use of Sanran Kagura characters is pretty extreme, considering their circumstances as being a close to H-series by themselves. So first of all, megalomaniac characters are actually pretty common. Have you considered more toned down characters like Gasai Yuno or Ayase Aragaki? Since your description only deals with appearance, their general characters may suit your needs as well. Don't worry about breast size as much, since we're going to help you fix that problem.

Large you-know-what happening quickly > terrible back problems > doesn't want to get a reduction > alternative solution provided by Aqua > goes to work for Aqua after graduating.

Well how about some sort of accident causing her to need the plating that supports her spine? I'd imagine training at a shinobi school would be quite dangerous, so maybe she was training at an obstacle course of some sort with live ammo, and she was running atop a roof when a stray bullet got her, causing her to fall directly on her back, cracking her spine. She chooses to undergo surgery to have the metal reinforcement, etc. etc.

I think you have a detailed back story there, and minor changes can change the uncomfortable issues others have been having. Why not, right?

[bronislav84]

It's actually multiple Senran characters combined, with some of my own stuff added and changes made. I'm not using the close to H stuff, and I didn't actually intend to almost break a rule. You don't see me using Hikage's other outfits. Her sky blue variant shionbi outfit covers everything needed, and I felt that while close to breaking the rule, since it covers the important stuff it didn't actually break the rule. I mean it is covered, so the rule can't have gotten broken. I'm not posting porn on the forum, nor do I intend to post rampant XXX-rated RP posts. I just over-described the outfit, and we fixed that. I just brain farted after that, and looking for more info.

Don't worry about size as much? It's the basis for the entire character and the backbone (Ohhh, sort of pun!) of the character. The character centers around it. Entire. Character. Concept. Destroyed. Right. There. Hardly a minor change. That's not something that actually needs to be changed man, especially since Sabi already said she was fine with that. The character concept centers around and depends on the size, and that scenario you're bringing up destroys the character concept. Too drastic, sorry. Please don't bring up ways to fix the character that would destroy it and make it something else entirely. Something I wouldn't have fun with.

I don't do megalomaniac or genuinely evil characters. Mercenary is the only way I can play on Aqua.

Why not? First of all it's too drastic. Second of all Sabi already said that part is fine, and we were working to kid-friendly-fy things a bit more for readers.

I appreciate the help from my bro, but please stick to what we had. We were almost there, and you're straying too far from it. Just please help me see what Sabi and Lightning are seeing. We're so close to making it acceptable without destroying the character concept. I can't figure out how to do what they're asking. My descriptive ability is failing and I'm asking for help, because yes, I do actually want to make it acceptable, but there has to be a way to do that without the character concept being destroyed. Maybe it's my disability causing my failure.....

[Saraibre Ryu]

Bron, I make quotations so that people know what I'm responding to. You didn't change your post much aside from a few sentences. Also we have preview post for a reason, so I'm within my right to quote posts.

Anyway, basically as I said, having an emotionless character with a large chest is fine. Having a whole plot point about her and about the chest isn't exactly kid friendly. Make it more subtle and not in your face to read, and it should be fine.

Large you-know-what happening quickly > terrible back problems > doesn't want to get a reduction > alternative solution provided by Aqua > goes to work for Aqua after graduating.

See, now this isn't so bad of a description, you're already on your way there. Teenage development happens quickly, which leads to terrible back problems. Your character is female so we don't need to expressly detail what said problem is. It's obvious. She doesn't want to get surgery to solve the problem, but Aqua provides an alternate solution for her and thus she returns to Aqua after graduating. It's short, simple and to the point. Remember that not everything needs to be laid out in extreme detail, and the minimum explanation for certain things can be your friend. Remember that minimal description for some things doesn't mean it's making it less important.

You're a smart guy Bron, this isn't as difficult as it seems.

[ShadowJay]

I'm guessing it's too late to sign up?

[Caite-chan]

I honestly didn't see anything wrong with it. It's not like it's going to be a huge focus. We just need to know what people look like. It's nothing more than a reference point. Not like we have to describe in detail every time we see him (her). I mean technically War isn't PG. We just need to quit being so childish with things and worry about ohhh it's to sexual. Not like he's going to do anything X Rated in the role play anyways.

[Akaida]

I'm guessing it's too late to sign up?

Its not too late, the RP has hardly started(only two posts in that are just introductory and the first week hasn't ended yet. We need more people to join!