[WAR II] Humor Section

[Lord Celebi]

Welcome to WAR Season II's official Humor section. This season, I will be your host. The aim of the humor section is as simple as always: make me laugh. It's not hard, I like to joke about pretty much everything, you just need to do it better than everyone else in order to get a point. I have created a very advanced mathematical formula in order to ensure that this section is handled impartially and fairly. Below is your rubric for this section. Again, very, very advanced math here. If you don't understand it, I don't blame you.

• Blowing Air Through My Nose Fast - This is the smallest distinct laugh that I am capable of. It is most prevalent when I'm paging through mildly funny comments on reddit. It may also be accompanied by a "heh."
• Sensible Chuckle -
• A Laugh - Your basic laugh. You're funny, congratulations.
• Riotous - I am laughing so hard my roommates may think I am strange...r.
• Life Alert - Help, I'm laughing and I can't get up.

Much like Whose Line Is It Anyways, points will be given out on a "whatever the **** I feel like" basis. Usually, I will give one point each to the top six entries in this thread, but if something is particularly funny, I may change that to 5 and give two points to someone.

Rules
1. Offensive jokes: I love horrifically offensive jokes. I understand that this is a legitimate avenue of humor. I understand that these are also typically risky because you can offend somebody. For jokes of this kind, please ensure that they are funny and spoiler tagged. If it's just something that's offensive for the sake of being offensive (basically, not artful), not only will you not win but you will probably also get in trouble with the forum staff. Good rule of thumb: Make sure the joke is not funny because it is offensive, but is funny because saying offensive things is a social faux pas.
2. Inappropriate Jokes: Don't do it. If your joke looks like the plot to Human Centipede 3, it's probably not going to win you any points. Again, be artful & funny and you'll be fine.
3. Be original. Don't take someone else's material.
4. Not only is it allowed to make jokes at the expense of other forum members, but I encourage it! Nothing is funnier than an inside joke. Yes, this means that even Neoxrust jokes are on the table.
5. The theme is a guideline. If you think of something funnier, go for it, I don't care.

Theme
Week 1: First World Problems
Week 2: It Sucks to be Me
Week 3: Being Butthurt
Week 4: Pokemon Crossroads

[Soulmaster]

So do we post in the thread with our humor or do we PM it to you? It's been done both ways so wanting to make sure.

[Lord Celebi]

Post in the thread. Part of humor is making everyone laugh!

[Soulmaster]

Mkay then.

First world problem: Having to think up some lame joke to win a contest on a forum.

so stupid it may work

[Monbrey]

[LKWayvern]

The following is a comedic monologue I had to write for my Drama class this year. For maximum comedy, imagine me reading this to you in a dead monotone.

Spoiler:

*Phone rings*
Girl: Hi, bay! It's, like, so hard for me to hear you right now! I'm walking to my bestie's house and there're, like, so many people walking their dogs and, like, all the dogs are barking and I can't hear a thing you're saying so I'm, like, gonna just keep talking so there isn't any awkward silence, okay bay?
Anyways, I was just thinking about how popping you are, bay! I mean, you got me that mad lit teddy bear for my birthday! To be honest, you're, like, the most popping, best bay in the history of bays, bay!
*beat*
Huh? You want to talk to me? But we're talking right now, bay! I'm telling my awesome bay about how much I love my bay!
*beat*
Oooooooh, you want to talk to me! Okay, bay! Go ahead! Talk!
*beat*
Wait... You've been cheating on me with my bestie this entire time? And now you're dumping me for her?
OMG, bay, this is not happening! You're not dumping me, bay, I'm dumping you! And you remember that teddy bear you got me for my birthday? I burned it because it reminded me too much of your mom! And I can't even remember your name because it's, like, so dope! And before I hang up, tell my bestie she isn't my bestie anymore, bay! Goodbye, bay!
*hangs up*

So yeah. That was a monologue about me making fun of slang, as well as all the unnecessary drama I hear in the hallways on a daily basis.

[Ganyu]

I'm getting so many messages but it's making my iPhone restart non-stop.

(I tried.)

[ninjaskarmory]

Oh my god I love Whose Line!! My boyfriend and I watch it all the time.

Oh, yeah, that one random string of symbols that's going around that makes your iPhone restart. I swear, if one more person sends me that, I'm going to hunt them down in the streets.

Can this "first world problems" thing be in the form of a greentext story, @Lord Celebi? If so, I have a great idea.

EDIT: Could it also be about a crazy day? I had a pretty crazy day recently, and I wrote down all the details! Far too many problems popped up, so it would fall under the umbrella of "problems". This one wouldn't be in greentext form.

[Lord Celebi]

Oh my god I love Whose Line!! My boyfriend and I watch it all the time.

Oh, yeah, that one random string of symbols that's going around that makes your iPhone restart. I swear, if one more person sends me that, I'm going to hunt them down in the streets.

Can this "first world problems" thing be in the form of a greentext story, @Lord Celebi? If so, I have a great idea.

EDIT: Could it also be about a crazy day? I had a pretty crazy day recently, and I wrote down all the details! Far too many problems popped up, so it would fall under the umbrella of "problems". This one wouldn't be in greentext form.

@ninjaskarmory, it can be any format you want.

[ninjaskarmory]

So, at 1:30 one afternoon, when my mom texted me and told me to let my dog out to go to the bathroom, I thought it would be an unmemorable chore that would take maybe 5 minutes of my time.

But holy kittens on a kickboard, I've never been so wrong.

When my mom texted me, I just shrugged, grabbed a dog treat, and went outside. I didn't bring my phone or anything, as I wasn't expecting anything big to happen. Out of habit, I jiggled the handle a little after I closed the door.

When it didn't twist all the way, I thought I was going to cry. I had been locked out, and my mom wasn't coming home until 7:15. This had never happened before. The next half hour or so was spent trying every window and door, all to no avail. I was thinking of running to one of my neighbors' houses to use their phone and call my mom, but nobody was home. So, I decided to sit down and wait.

What ensued was around 3 hours of trying not to lose my mind. I let my dog out, of course. Then, left with nothing better to do, I swept most of the deck, which was surprisingly fun. There was a lot of singing, and admittedly a lot of bad language when wasps started flying toward me. Once, something wet touched my toe, which resulted in me violently kicking my flip flop half way across the yard. Keep in mind that my grass isn't a tame, cute little lawn. It's wild grass and stickers and who knows what else that ranges from 1 to 3 feet tall. So, you can imagine how hard it was to hop through that on one foot to retrieve my flip flop.

Anyway, I did that for a while. Then, my dog randomly started barking. Not at deer, not at turkeys, but at me, as if she wanted to be let out of her outdoor play area to go to the bathroom again. Naturally, I let her go. However, this time, she sprinted across the yard and didn't come back, even when I called. So, with the help of two neighbors, I traversed half the neighborhood trying to find her, and eventually recovered her from a neighbor's backyard. Nobody knew how she got there.

So, yeah, that's my story for the day. My mom's fiance came home and let me in the house, and I ate like a savage for about an hour after that. When my mom texted me at 1:30, I definitely did not anticipate that I would be running around the neighborhood like a lunatic in my pajamas.

-

That's my entry! cx I had fun writing it, that's for sure. I hope you like it!