King of the Hill!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

The children of the world also eat the glue and other such unhealthy things. Sickness occurs, and the HosPITal isn't cheap. We're just unreasonably rich. To put it bluntly, you are sued into oblivion again, this time by the parents of the world, and courts find you unanimously guilty of 2nd Degree Manslaughter, amongst other things. You're sent to Jail and sued out of every cent of value you currently own.

Meanwhile, I, reaping 0% benefits from that, just take the hill after realizing you're not there.

MY HILL!!!

[Neo Emolga]

Ouch...

Not at all liking the outcome of this proposition (love the children!) and desiring not to lose all my monetary assets (and finding out prison food tastes abysmal and I make a terrible jailbird), I cast TIME ZAP, reversing the progression of time back all the way before we used the giant Slurpee machine. We decide to do something completely different.

We decide to navigate your warehouse dungeon instead, but we read up on the King of the Hill Wikia and essentially now know every trap, enemy, and hazard you have installed and employed in the dungeon. We also look up all your boss stats, weaknesses, and attacks and discover you have you high resistance to transformation, arson, nuclear warfare, Emolga shenanigans, origami, salad shooters, Magic 8-balls, lemon juice, and floral arrangements, but you're weak against Time For Tickles! We bypass your dungeon hazards and minions, and when we finally reach you, we tie you down, retrain your appendages, and use Time For Tickles! by employing the use of many hours of tortuous tickling by goose feathers and multi-colored pipe cleaners that were extra cheap on eBay. You blow up and have to use up one of your extra lives.

After leaving your dungeon, we dismantle your warehouse for parts, which we then use to create our own line of Samurai! action figures, movie series, and soundtrack. For reasons even we don't understand, it becomes incredibly popular and we make millions which we split the shares before the guys from Quick-Chek and 7 Eleven go back to Nowhere. But I decide to stay by this lovable hill and put up a cozy campsite.

MY HILL!!!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

You attempt to use Time for Tickles upon me, only to get stuck upon my glue-ridden form! You look at the Wikia again, and realize there's only one editor for some insane reason: me!

You realize this because I put up a trollface on my weaknesses and had edited to say 'NOT Time for Tickles. 100% immunity. Lol I'm the only editor. Seriously though help appreciated, thanks.'

Realizing that you do not know my weakness, you decide to tactically retreat to get a party member that can use ANALYZE to correctly inform you of my weaknesses, except, you cannot run from a boss battle, and waste your turn doing this. Realizing this, I utilize my special technique: GODARM SURPRISE! The Godarm propmtly allows me to assume the form of ALL OF FICTION AND NONFICTINO, which is so stupidly abusrd that the idea of it slays the entire party before you even realize what happened.

GAME OVER
YOU DID NOT CLAIM THE HILL

While you pay to respawn at the nearest HosPITal, I obtain payment for defeating you in fair combat, and Level up to [REDACTED BECAUSE TOO BIG], gaining a new COMBAT OPERANDI: SPLITDOP.

MY HILL!!!

[Neo Emolga]

No Samurai action figures? :'(

I realize your power is quite insane and the Wikia ploy was dastardly clever. Not to mention the Godarm packs quite a wallop. But, even after being sent back to HosPITal, I decide to do something dastardly of my own.

I consult the help of Bobby Flay and Gordon Ramsay and then I do the most dastardly thing ever! I turn King of the Hill from an RPG into a cooking gameshow by using my awesome C++ skills and modify all the programming code! Suddenly your RPG stats and your Godarm become irrelevant and you're now stuck having to rely on your culinary skills! And seeing as how you spent so much time on your RPG stats and gear, your cooking skills are nowhere near as good as mine!

The audience is impressed at the divinely delicious and beautiful layer cake Bobby, Gordon and I create, and we get a perfect score from the judges, who are hypnotized at our bakery prowess! Your Godarm Surprise, however, is an inedible ability, which causes you to immediately lose the competition! Bobby makes a few snarky comments while Gordon Ramsay hits you with a laughable barrage of profanity! You are removed from the stage and we win the game!

GAME OVER
YOU DID NOT CLAIM THE HILL

We win the grand prize! The hill! And you go home with a consolation prize of Rice a Roni, the San Francisco treat! Unfortunately for you, that doesn't serve as much practice to improve your culinary skills.

Until next time!

MY HILL!!!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

Everyone suddenly gets sick because of the glue that's in the factory that you decided to host this in. You REALLY have to pay attention to your surroundings, Neo. It's everywhere, man.

We repeat an issue that we already went through again with you getting sued into oblivion, this time by the owners of the gameshow. That no-body died this time doesn't decrease the severity of your jail time as everyone somehow knows that you did this before. IN addition, you are permanently banned from all things food-related forever except a government-issued nutrient paste, which is absolutely (and literally) tasteless.

They also sue me into oblivion for the exact same reason and I lose all my monies, but they consider the fact I'm still trapped in a Glue Factory as a feasible imprisonment and simply forbid anyone from going on the Hill, while 'promoting' my minions to prison guards. Naturally, no-one listens and everyone keeps charging up to challenge me, allowing me to slowly regain my improbably vast fortune. Though I'm still stuck in a glue factory.

MY HILL!!!

[Neo Emolga]

I appeal the verdict and counter-sue the owners of the game show for negligence on their basis of them deciding to host it in the warehouse in the first place. All charges against me are expunged on the legality of causation based on their failure to ensure the safety of the audience and participants as well as the ingredients we used for the cake during filming. The appellate courts agree that I was not liable for these unforeseeable circumstances and the charges against me, Bobby Flay, and Gordon Ramsay are overturned and revoked.

Seeing as how you are the owner of said warehouse, the failure to contain hazardous materials and keep the warehouse up to code also makes you responsible in addition to the game show hosts. As a result, the warehouse is bulldozed by the government for its failure to meet standard code. They also bulldoze it with you inside it. They forgot you were still in there. They find you in the rubble with your body all wrangled-up, thus ensuring a HosPITal visit.

Once the hill is cleared of your toxic glue factory and your mangled body, I simply return to the camp site and make some smores. And with Bobby Flay and Gordon Ramsay, we make some really good ones which you don't get to enjoy.

MY HILL!!!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

Finally free from the glue, I confront you in a straightforward duel. Unfortunately, for all the hype this implies you are an Emolga, and however hype they are to you, they're not at all battlers. 55/60/60 stats? 105 Speed is high but with defenses so low, and only 75/75 offenses, that's pretty bad, no matter the level.

I am unfortunately a fast Ice type, so I move first (nulling your strength) and freeze you solid with a single Ice Beam.

*FF7 Victory Music*

You are carted off to HosPITal, I reclaim the hill, and lounge around being lazy.

MY HILL!!!

[Neo Emolga]

I am thawed out at HosPITal, and am offended that you go by silly game stats to pass judgment on Pokémon. For this, you shall be punished and humiliated. And you shall learn the truth!

I head back to the hill, and decided you to introduce you to Emolga's super-special hidden evolution! Emoltra™! I also hack the game, pig out on Rare Candy, and now have power over 9000. I find you lounging on the hill like the sleepy Slakoth that you are. I sure hope you enjoyed all those moments of coziness, because they all go away right now!

I, now as Neo the hyper-powered Emoltra, pull out 800d20 Freighter Ship-Sized Sledgehammer of Fiery Doom +842 and use Bonkers! on your head to enhance the attack power, pounding you significantly and causing a substantial amount of dizziness and migraines in addition to 8,492,876 HP damage, which is increased to 33,971,504 HP damage after landing a x4 Critical Strike. And you take 6,394,423 HP in additional Feel the Burn! damage. I then call over Aglome Oen and we steal a page out of Advance Wars: Dual Strike and use Tag Power! All of my tanks, airplanes, and battleships attack you simultaneously for a total of 13,428,394 HP damage. I then pass the baton to Aglome Oen and they attack you all again, this time ensuring 12,972,194 HP damage. Since you also seem to be familiar with FF7, we cast Knights of the Round on your face, doubled. And between myself and Aglome Oen, that means you get hit with it four times. You get hacked, whacked, burnt, blasted, and chopped for a grand total of 184,392,483 HP damage. Also, the long cinematic animation can't get skipped, so you get to watch yourself getting obliterated over and over again four times.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

We piece together Exodia the Forbidden One by collecting the Left Leg of the Forbidden One, the Right Leg of the Forbidden One, the Left Arm of the Forbidden One, the Right Arm of the Forbidden One, and Exodia the Forbidden One, which OBLITERATES you for <GRAND TOTAL> = X^grains of sand times Total Damage Possible Y^stars in the universe of total HP damage.

Your burnt, blasted, whacked, hammered, pulverized, obliterated, chopped, frozen, smashed, crushed, slammed, busted, annihilated, and completely and utterly ERADICATED remains land themselves in HosPITal's "Special Incidents" ward.

Shortly after all the chaos, Aglome Oen, Exodia the Forbidden One, and I enjoy a nice warm cup of tea around the campfire.

MY HILL!!!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

you forgot like 11111 or 11112 digits but who even cares

You expend the entirety of my Salubrity Frankinsense, leaving me with my Spunk Myrrh and Pep Gold and giving me a free rez and a stat boost. Huzzah for rez items! If you don't get the reference you are officially not awesome. You are merely very cool. Not awesome. The idea of you not being awesome burns your internal organs like a stove set to max, not like this matters as Algome Oen spends his next turn shanking you repetitively as he was planning on doing since the very beginning.

He's your EVIL TWIN NEO, why do you trust your EVIL TWIN?!

While you deal with him and inevitably destroy his hindquarters for insubordination, I take care of Exodia by throwing three of his five pieces into an ocean. Of white-hot lava. In a secret room at the end of the Very Definitely Final Dungeon That Hasn't Been Revealed Yet In AntIvOId. Naturally, Exodia is suddenly lacking most of its body, and decides to scamper off with hideously reduced power and such. (Not sure if that's coming back anytime soon.)

Meanwhile, you are finished to the 101% percentile with your evil twin once and for all in a cutscene death that clearly only non-members can be subjected to. You obtain [REDACTED] levels and a Blood Rock for weapon improvement purposes, but that hardly matters. You're not the only one with absurdity on his side. I quickly summon The Hanged Man, of Hyper Light Drifter fame, to hand you your hindquarters, solidly, jauntily, and utterly-one sidedly. You laugh, being a flying type and capable of evading the grounded Hanged Man, until I use Permanent Gravity and ground you, then Shut It to silence you, slowing you down to a speed roughly matching the titular Drifter, discounting Quick Attack. Great, you think! You still have a chance because he's beatable in Hyper Light Drifter! You didn't need the advantage-you can do it!

Except The Hanged Man is from Hyper Light Drifter, which is Hotline Miami meets Dark Souls in terms of combat. Both games are infamous for difficulty. Hyper Light Drifter matches the expectations. And this is The Hanged Man's boss theme. When that's your boss theme you know that if it was any more active you'd die of a heart attack mid-fight.

You eat the lovingly-crafted dirt of Sips_, who's dirt is, sadly, no more delicious than any other dirt but just far more presentable, multiple times in a row. You proceed to get loosely competent at the fight, enough to start dodging him semi-properly, then eat the Magnificent one's dirt harder when The Hanged Man reveals he starts doing triple-slashes instead of double-slashes mid-combo when he turns red, which has barely any visual indication whatsoever. Just when you think you can eke out a win, I shove a black mantle onto you, which inexplicably drops your HP to only be able to take loosely two hits, when before it was loosely five. You get stupidly angry as the Hanged Man owns your hindquarters right off the hill.

I quickly trap you in a boss room with The Hanged Man and just take the hill while you're occupied, sipping lemonade at your rage, until you inevitably beat The Hanged Man because HosPITal and Infinite Lives, even though he keeps resetting to max HP every time. Which empowers me. Ah, the perks of being an Alpha godmodder, even though that is literally the weakest rank and hardly deserves a game to itself and that hardly matters because you're roughly equal anyways.

In any case, MY HILL.

[Neo Emolga]

That's a cute boss theme. I give Hanged Man one sarcastic golf clap for that one...

...because mine is so much better. So appropriately named, too!

And who said I trusted my evil twin? Silly, silly, Tazz! I foresee his betrayal (he doesn't catch on very easily either and I'm always one step ahead of him). And I Volt Switch with him at the most opportune time. So as a result, Aglome Oen is the one who gets subjected to the mayhem Hanged Man and Sips_ deploy on him. Ha, you think he'd learn! And you're all so busy pulverizing him that you don't realize we've switched places!

While you're so busy burning Exodia and Hanged Man and Sips_ are brutalizing that daft, phony Emolga, I sneak away and evolve again, this time into Emolegend, a second stage of hidden Emolga evolution after Emoltra. My power now makes even Arceus shiver and brown pants. I then even use Mega Evolution to become Mega Emolegend! Then, I enter Omega Saiyan form and turn on god mode. While you are the Alpha Godmodder, you realize with woeful anxiety that I am the OMEGA Godmodder. I'm cute, cool, and holy crapola am I powerful!

Spotting that silly Hanged Man, I use OMEGA EXCLUSION on him. The spell of overwhelming dark erasure is so powerful that the timestream gets written, the entire staff of game developer Heart Machine gets mind-warped, and as a result, his original creators never conceive of the idea of Hanged Man to begin with, thus he is never created and no longer exists in the current time. Bye now!

As for Sips_ the Magnificent One, just as he's finished harassing poor, silly Aglome Oen, I tap him on the shoulder with a smile and use OMEGA VOID on him, the black hole of black holes and the bane of all existence at the very core. He is suddenly demateralized instantly, gets reduced to Negative Matter in a Pocket Dimension ONX I conjure just for him, which I cause to implode upon itself, also annihilating Sips_'s existence. Adios!

As for you, I have all kinds of treats in store! The first is OMEGA DOOM, which whacks you straight into the middle of Jupiter-sized Planet X-543. I then launch 500d20 DEATH-A-GON Doomhammer of Boom +5483^3843^2493 at the hole you made and hits you right in your tenders, causing Planet X-543 to blow up with you still inside it. <TERMINAL NUMBER> HP damage! But, using OMEGA CONFINE, I cause the whole thing to reverse polarity and implode on you instead, causing a colossal <TERMINAL NUMBER> HP damage to you (i.e. it hurts). When you're all done blowing up again in there, I then phase you between UY Scuti and NML Cygni, and then mash them together via OMEGA CELESTIAL CRUSH with you getting sandwiched right in the middle! <TERMINAL NUMBER> HP damage!

As your remains end up in HosPITal, the head doctor looks on admirably and says "ooh, I was hoping for a real challenge! Thanks!"

I decided to finish the tea that was waiting for me at the hill campsite. Mmm, it's still warm!

MY HILL!!!