King of the Hill!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

That's UNDER Pure Platinum!

I am a simple man with a simple plan. After the extremely speedy picoseconds it takes to get out of HosPITal, I shove a stick roughly in the middle of Neo Emolga Tower and smash you with it like a hammer. You are crushed, and I, soundly, am not.

See? Simple.

I toss Neo Emolga Tower into a nuclear garbage compactor with you in it as a precaution prior to claiming the Hill.

MY HILL!!!

[Neo Emolga]

The nuclear nature of the garbage compactor gives me Deadpool superpowers before I am crushed with Neo Emolga Tower, but I quickly regenerate thanks to said powers. Despite your habit of destroying my architectural assets, I am relatively unfazed, although I liked that tower. :(

I attack Tazz by sling-shooting him with a balloon of Sleep Sauce. After you fall asleep, I then proceed to doodle on your face with a sharpie before wrapping you like a burrito in the painful, spiky underside of a desk floor mat, complete with crazy glue, paper mache filling, and pastel paints. I then put you in a cannon and blast you down Cactus Hill, where you roll and tumble through Legendary Cactus Land face-first. In the meantime, the dragon swarm uses your rolling gooey burrito body for target practice. They are pleased with the results.

Thankfully, HosPiTal has a pick up pad just waiting for you at the end of Legendary Cactus Land. In the meantime, while you are air-lifted and dropped into HosPITal, I set up camp on the hill and start a nice campfire!

MY HILL!!!

[Coru]

(This looks super fun.)
I cautiously evade detection by Neo and I carry out my master plan, hoping his rivalry with Tazz will help bring more success to my plan. I get to the peak of the hill and then send a drill down to the mantle of the earth. I am already geared up in protection gear and have a precautionary bunker located mere metres from the drilling spot. I retreat to the bunker and observe the destruction. The crust breaks and within seconds, lava explodes out of the hill and begins to flow down it. I am safe and sound in my bunker, however, all else must retreat until it is safe to return. In a matter of hours, the lava solidifies and I leave my bunker. I begin to build a fortress on top of the hill and harness the new found hole at the top to use against any who would dare try to take the hill from me. The hill, apart from the hole roughly 3 metres in diameter, returns to normal and the hole is now an empty abyss whilst the crust repairs itself. There is now no sign of the destruction that unfolded earlier and the hill stands strong. I am now in control of the hill, creating my fortress, preparing for an attack, hoping that no one could get the better of me.

MY HILL!!!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

Legendary Cactus Land is filled with exactly two things: Catcuses, and Legendaries! Picoseconds after my trip there I return, far more prepared for the Cactuses so I can pull out a ton of masterballs and throw them at everything that twitches, as it's all Legendaries! I then proceed to take my new Legendary army and train them to perfection! Pleased, I march back up to the hill! My legion effortlessly decimate's Mr. Voidlich's fortress within seconds of earthquakes, fusion flares, judgements, seed flares, and more, destroying everything atop the hill-which is Mr. Voidlich's fortress. And only that. With Mr. Voidlich exposed, he is forced to surrender to my superior firepower!

With that, the hill is Mine.

MY HILL!!

[Neo Emolga]

(Welcome to the insanity Coru!)

Despite Tazz's new army of legendaries, I return to the hill and my dragon army engages Tazz's Legendary army in an epic battle! I catch it all on camera and it becomes the new movie blockbuster despite its complete lack of plot. I make billions to add to my already incredible wealth.

I then use my VICER massive mech warrior suit to grab Tazz and Coru and stuff them both into a giant-sized banana split sundae, completely with vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry ice cream with whipped cream cherry, and of course, banana. I then set the oversized dessert on Launchpad 2000, which blasts them and said dessert all the way to Pluto. And they don't get an in-flight movie.

I then use the Bulldozer feature of VICER mech warrior suit and plow the hideous remains and ruins of Coru's fortress and instead build a much nicer Castle Neo Emolga instead, complete with plasma cannon and ion blaster defenses. With dragons.

MY HILL!!!

[Coru]

Once landing on Pluto, I use the remainder of the ice cream to recruit the native aliens to help me gain control of the hill once more. Their highly developed civilization uses particle guns and have perfected the art of time travel and teleportation. Due to this, they have reverse engineered the perfect weapon to fight against mythological dragons of yesteryear and any that may still live. Using their highly developed technology, I teleport into the great hall of Castle Neo Emolga with my hoard of Plutonian allies and we use our particle guns to disintegrate Neo's castle, along with his plasma cannon and ion blaster defenses. Once that is taken care of, Their anti-dragon blasters are used to eradicate all existance of Neo's dragon army. As a final precaution, I then use the time travel technology to transport Neo to 1,000 years into the past. To deter Tazz from overthrowing my control over the hill, I then use the Plutonian Particle gun to manipulate the particles in the air to create a poisonous gas that surrounds the hill. Using highly developed Plutonian anti-poison gas masks, me and my army are unaffected and we defend our hill.

MY HILL!!!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

Meanwhile, while Coru recruits the natives, I venture to Charon, Pluto's near-twin, and call upon its technologically superior inhabitants, unto which the Plutonians were disgraced descendants of. If there is one thing Charon hates second only to Goldwynaut the despised one (their words not mine), It's Plutonian scum and Plutonian Scum sympathizers (their words not mine). We quickly agree: They shall obliterate the Plutonian Menace once and for all with my aid, and in exchange, I get the hill. We all don the most sophisticated of Charonian technology: The Wonder Mask, becoming the Wonderful One-Double-O!

With our newfangled powers, we quickly call out to the souls of the planets of the solar system, giving their souls the power of Wonder Masks, except Charon itself of course. We then call upon ourselves to create a Unite Hand, which, given we have maximum people on-hand, means we can make the largest fist possible.

We proceed to blaze back to earth while the Wonderful One-Double-O theme song plays.

Danger's coming, looming large
So who's gonna make a stand?
One-hundred rangers are taking charge
The line is drawn in the sand!
Knuckles crack,
In two-hundred very different ways!
But each and every one has got
The same thing to say...

Unite Morph!
Because their hearts beat as one!!
Unite Hand!
And put the bad guys on the run!!

When the job's too ominous
For an average Jill or Joe,
They go anonymous
And watch their powers grow!

Got no fame, no fortune to claim
Fighting for the status quo!
Don that mask and take 'em to task
Hurry, now it's time to go!
They can do it, they can do it,
'Cause they're super-sisters and bros...
The Won-stoppable Wonderful
Wonderful One-Double-O!

Evil's coming
And you need a savior to appear!
One-hundred rangers will take the lead
They gladly volunteer!
Way up high,
Can you spy them out in outer space?
Two-hundred eyes like fire,
Looking danger in the face!

Unite Morph!
A single heart like a blade!!
Unite Sword!
They dish out justice in spades!!

When the world is teetering,
Hanging by a thread!
They administer a beating,
And stop the menace dead!

Go, go team!
Demolish those fiends!
Toss 'em in a garbage can!
Wipe the floor with aliens galore
'Til the world is spick and span!
They can do it, they can do it,
'Cause they're fearless daredevil pros!
The Won-destructible Wonderful,
Wonderful 100!

Hope is coming to a crawl
And sadness fills the air!
One-hundred rangers hide it all
Behind an iron stare!
No one asks what they sacrifice, no,
No one minds!
But that won't hold them back
From saving all of humankind!

Unite Morph!
They put their heartbreak aside!!
Unite Gun!
And let their powers collide!!

Even if they're struggling,
To lead a double life!
They will keep on juggling,
They'll pay the final price!

One more clash, one bad guy to thrash,
Calamity is closing in!
One more fray to finish the day,
Before tomorrow can begin!
They can do it. they can do it,
'Cause a hero never says no!
The Won-beatable Wonderful,
Wonderful One-Double-O!

Got no fame, no fortune to claim,
Fighting for the status quo!
Don that mask and take 'em to task,
Hurry, now it's time to go!
They can do it, they can do it,
'Cause they're super sisters and bros!
The Won-stoppable Wonderful,
Wonderful One-Double-O!

This performance of the Wonderful One-Double-O theme causes Neo, his Dragon party, Coru and the Plutonians to pause whatever they were doing right now to appreciate it, even if it meant getting slammed with a multi-planet sized fist and being smashed to subatomic particles around the entirety of existence. I have absolutely no idea how you are coming back from that, but inevitably you will as per the rules of the game as I cannot leave you in a state of crippled or dead.

With that done, the Plutonians and Dragons slain, the Charon Aliens leave for charon, prepared for the nigh-inevitable resurgence of Plutonians. Meanwhile, I claim the Hill, using my freshly-healed army of Legendaries to populate the underground of the hill and set up traps on the surface. The Hill Underground is surprisingly complex and labyrinthine, thus allowing everything to seem perfectly normal. Huehuehuehue. Gradientgradientgradientgradient.

MY HILL!!!

[Neo Emolga]

Tazz completely obliterates Aglome Oen, my phony Emolga doppelganger, because I, the real Neo Emolga, am now in the year 1016 thanks to Coru. I never actually hear his silly theme song or even knew a multi-planet-sized fist happened (or will happen in this case!) Aglome Oen gets sent to HosPITal, upgrading his membership to gold. He also gets a coupon to TGI Friday's for a free appetizer because of his membership upgrade. He chooses mozzarella sticks.

I realize that without my dragon and machine army, I must summon a new one army to replace this distinctive lack of expendable NPCs I probably should employ to avoid being the single target of madness and mayhem. To escape the year 1016, I summon Delorean, and travel back to the year 2016, only a few minutes after the One-Double-O fisty thing has pulverized Coru and Aglome Oen.

After arriving back at the hill, I notice it is surprisingly empty and quiet. I use ZON Satellite Scanning system upon the hill to check to see if he's gone invisible or is hiding somewhere. Long and behold, it detects Hill Underground, so I then press the button for Giant Robotic ZON CLAW to grab the Hill Underground and pull it up to the surface, which destroys all of the booby traps in the process. ZON CLAW then proceeds to dismantle the Hill Underground, because I am too lazy to navigate mazes the intended way.

With the Hill Underground dismantled, I see Tazz and his army of Legendary Pokémon have returned, and while all my dragons, machines, and lasers have been eliminated, there is one force that Tazz has completely forgotten about!

The Insidious Hummingbirds! And thanks to the Delorean, I use it to summon ALL Insidious Hummingbirds throughout the universe from the past, present, and future to be my army! Billions upon Trillions of Insidious Hummingbirds attack Tazz and his army of Pokémon Legendaries, far too many for them to even comprehend as the massive, black clouds of irritable Insidious Hummingbirds descend upon them!

All of Tazz's Legendary Pokémon and Tazz himself are swarmed and incessantly poked and all end up back in HosPITal for incessant, relentless poking injuries! I then return to the hill and terraform the wreckage of the Hill Underground to restore the hill to normal.

MY HILL!!!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

In an unprecendented move I may have pulled directly from my hindquarters just like anything else we do here, I masterfully backstab EVERY Insidious Hummingbird as they swarm us JUST when they're out of sight, then return, masterfully disguised as the trillion-strong Insidious Hummingbird swarm! I then proceed to take Algome Oen, clone him trillions of times, and somehow have the swarm backstab you literally trillions of times! It's so many times that we run out of back to stab and resort to face, elbow, knee, foot, hand, arm, chest, stomach, liver, kidney, hindquarters, face, eye, nose, mouth and tongue stabbing! As soon as we run out of Algome Oen to spam at you, we just toss the entire thing down the hill, and the trillion-strong Algome Oen swarm decide to take their frustrations as being used as living knives again out on their common enemy, IE you. THIS is why you don't have evil twins!

With that done, my trillions-strong form proceeds to create an impenetrable wall of lasers to block off the hill, which is mine.

MY HILL!!!

[Neo Emolga]

Just before the swarm attacks, I active Holo-ga, creating a holographic version of myself as I deftly teleport away. You stab the heck out of the hologram, and then realize the real me has escaped!

As Aglome Oen attempts to attack with all his clones, I active MELD-Ray from the ZON Satellite, which causes all of the Aglome Oen clones to suddenly merge together into one. He still thinks he has an entire swarm behind him, but I whack him with Super Slappy Happy Frying Pan, bonking him on the head as chirping birdies surround his dizzy head. He also suddenly realizes his clones seem to be precariously missing. I then dump him into a vat of pink bubble gum, which is exceptionally hard to get out of Emolga fur. It forces him to have to go to HosPITal to get it out.

I then head back to hill, realizing the Insidious Hummingbird swarm has betrayed me. I then use the ZON Satellite to fire Nano-Beam at the swarm, turning each of them into gold coins! And with trillions of gold coins, I become super rich(er)!

ZON Satellite is then used to fire Displacement Field, warping the impenetrable wall of lasers to Planet Scune, where absolutely nothing interesting happens. I then gather the gold coins that used to be Tazz as Insidious Hummingbirds and deposit them into my checking account! Cha-ching!

I then use my Super Magical Spellpowers to lay various hidden magical traps around the perimeter of the hill, and then rebuilt Castle Neo Emolga MK II, which is even better than before and comes with giant Jacuzzi, movie theater, and automated brewery. There is much rejoicing!

MY HILL!!!