Page 2 of 5 FirstFirst 1234 ... LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 49
  1. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by Brettles View Post
    GCEA version: Platinum
    Trainer Name: Matthias Grand (technically)
    Link to stats: Sig
    Word Count: 420ish

    There are no words written in Matthias' journal. Just a series of strange crude heiroglyphics.

    In years to come researchers will find the hieroglyphics impossible to translate until they show it to a squirtle who can read it to them.

    “Squirtle! Squirt squirt squirtle! SQUIRTLE!”

    Once they find a squirtle-to-human , translator they piece together the following transcript:

    Trainer say he no want write journal. Not write ‘eveedens’ (I think I spell it good) that be used against him. Trainer give book to brave squirtle who write story of our journey.

    Squirtle meet trainer and adopt him. They good friends and steal wallet together. Strange purple hole in air make us come to strange place. Lot of strange trainers, smell funny, come from strange places.

    Very cold. Smart trainer find warm jacket. Dumb trainer not look at back of jacket! Make him look like princess. Squirtle laugh!

    Big bang! Go investigate. At lake lots of things happen. Bad smelling Pokémon attack. Trainer not much help in fight. Me need to train him better. Me bash up smelly Pokémon then we leave to go see strange man in white coat.

    Man in white coat seem smart. Know lot about Pokémon and strange purple hole that bring us. He give trainer strange trainer things to help catch new Pokémon. Trainer give me journal to draw in.

    Meet new friend. Funny looking fire monkey! He like to break into and out of places. Very smart monkey. Squirtle take things from people but not so good at locks. Strange fire monkey can open locks for squirtle. Me like fire monkey!

    Squirtle and fire monkey fight some Pokémon and beat them all. We is best team ever! We beat strange metal thing and two rock things. Fire monkey better at bashing metal thing but Squirtle better at bashing big rock things.

    Strange man give egg to trainer. Squirtle look after egg. Squirtle very brave and strong and make egg hatch into good strong Pokémon like squirtle!

    After fight we eat lots of food. Squirtle eat many cupcake. Squirtle like cupcake. Cupcake bestest thing to ever eat…

    *It goes on for 3 paragraphs about Squirtle’s love of cupcakes. We will skip the rest of that part.*

    Back on road we keep eating cupcake! Little bird try to steal cupcake from fire monkey. Squirtle laugh! Not let bird steal cupcake from squirtle! Squirtle protect cupcake!

    Trainer catch little bird thing and it join party. Now squirtle have to train bird thing not to steal cupcake. Especially not cupcake from squirtle! Is my Cupcake!
    I...don't know what to say. XD I just don't. This is definitely unique.

    Well! I mean it's accurate. XD The only thing I could really suggest is that there are inconsistencies with capital S for "squirtle" and lowercase s. It would be fine either way, just sticking to one to maintain consistency would be better. Obviously this is from a squirtle's point of view so I can't really fault the obviously simplistic sentence structure. XD

    As per the rules, though, if it's under 500 words it gets a deduction. D: If it had hit the 500 mark, you would have gotten a perfect score.

    12/15 total!

  2. #12
    The Queen of Shaymin
    Noblejanobii's Avatar
    Site Editor

    Administrator

    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Location
    US
    Posts
    17,593
    @Suicune's Fire

    I very much apologize for the delay on this grade! Midterms suck yada yada yada. I actually think (according to the sketchpad rules) since it has been roughly a week since you posted you're supposed to get full points, but that doesn't really matter because I didn't see anything wrong with it so you're getting the full 15 points either way!



    This was actually a pretty interesting journal entry. Kinnie is by far one of the characters whose perspective I'm most interested in. Her take on the beginner's tournament being sketchy and debating the concept of pokemon companionship as well as the egg itself were all great. It's a great summary of events thus far and I love it. Great work.
    / / / / / / / /
    Avatar by Soggymint
    Double Agents with Suicune's Fire

  3. This post has been liked by:


  4. #13
    The Queen of Shaymin
    Noblejanobii's Avatar
    Site Editor

    Administrator

    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Location
    US
    Posts
    17,593
    GCEA version: Platinum
    Trainer Name: Amy Risa
    Link to your trainer stats: Froslass in Sig
    Link to the post the submission is based on/summary of the event: Meeting Palila and Drake, new tattoo, and team updates.
    Word Count: 546
    Story:
    Spoiler:
    Dear Theresa,

    Today has been the most world shaking thus far. We met a new fellow named Drake as well as witnessed a new girl come through a portal. I haven’t talked to her much yet, but I can already tell the girl, named Palilia, and I aren’t going to get along well. She snapped at Sophie almost right away and has taken to calling me nicknames. I’ve politely warned her that nicknames are only reserved for you, as well as Ian and Brent, but we will see if she abides. Either way, I will try my best to keep my cool around her. I know it’s what you would want me to do.

    Either way, she’s not the most important discovery by any means. She’s an annoyance at best. The true focus of this journal is Drake. He’s lived in this universe’s Kalos and it is quite the different place from the Kalos we call home.Lysandre is president in this world’s Kalos! President! It’s a wild concept I know, but the true here. It seems like he is not very popular though. He’s using Team Flare to do some sketchy things to counter some terrorist but it’s not very popular with the people. I think he won’t last much longer, but we will see. Still, hearing him somewhat revered is making me nauseous. I hope I don’t have to visit this world’s Kalos or else I might assassinate him myself, and you won’t be there to help me get out. Still, we need to tell Brent when I get back. His history obsessed butt would probably greatly enjoy about hearing an alternate universe’s history.

    I also decided to get a new tattoo. I know we had planned to get our next ones together but I was stressed and was determined to ensure this wasn’t some fever dream. The pain from the tattooing process confirmed this. I got a tattoo of Freya holding a white rose, like in the story from when I was younger. Here’s the wild thing though! The tattoo artist was your older sister, Dia! But she didn’t seem to recognize me. Maybe she and I haven’t met yet in this universe? Either way, it turns out a Snorunt needed rehoming so I decided to take it on. I had hoped to catch one in Kalos so this works too. She’s female as well, so I named her Freya after the Froslass from my childhood. She’s a bit skittish right now, but I think with time she and I will along just fine.

    In other team related updates, Hunter and Cordelia evolved. I’ll try to sketch Hunter as a Croconaw for you since I think you’d want to see that when I get back in case he’s evolved into a Feraligatr by then. My egg also hatched into a Cyndaquil, who I named Martini. These two allowed me to lie to Drake that I’m from Johto. I hope I remembered my geography correctly. Mahogany Town is in Johto right? I hope so otherwise my lie isn’t going to hold up very well. Still it’s a convenient excuse for now.

    I miss you a lot. I hope I can get back to you soon. Please wait for me.

    With love,

    Amy
    / / / / / / / /
    Avatar by Soggymint
    Double Agents with Suicune's Fire

  5. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    I haven’t talked to her much yet, but I can already tell the girl, named Palilia,
    I mean technically she's named Palila but you know. XD

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    and it is quite the different place from the Kalos we call home.Lysandre is president in this world’s Kalos!
    Should be a space after that full stop!

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    It’s a wild concept I know, but the true here.
    I think that is meant to say, 'but the truth here'? Otherwise if you meant to say 'true' it seems like an unclear way to word it. Unless it's an expression. Whatever, I'm pointing it out anyway. xD

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    I hope I don’t have to visit this world’s Kalos or else I might assassinate him myself,
    Not an error, just something I found amusing because I read it as "or else I might assassinate myself." XD But also, lol at Amy.

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    His history obsessed butt would probably greatly enjoy about hearing an alternate universe’s history.
    Should be a hyphen between 'history' and 'obsessed.' I don't know why, but there just should be. XD



    I reaallly I love that all these journal entries from Amy are addressed to Theresa. It's so cute! I think it's also a good motivator for her. I mean, it's one thing to just write down your thoughts, but another to be regaling everything to someone who you want to share news with. Even if it won't reach her. :c Which is sad. I hope somehow in our journey Amy will magically get the opportunity to send the letters...across time and space. xD Easy, just make friends with a dialga or palkia, or both!


    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    My egg also hatched into a Cyndaquil, who I named Martini. These two allowed me to lie to Drake that I’m from Johto. I hope I remembered my geography correctly. Mahogany Town is in Johto right? I hope so otherwise my lie isn’t going to hold up very well. Still it’s a convenient excuse for now.
    Interesting! I read this happening in that post of yours, but because I'm a derp and was skimming over it in an effort to catch up, I was like "hur durr I guess she was born in Johto and moved...but how did she get two starter pokemon if there was only one starter event? Maybe it's a partner pokemon even though Freya is her partner pokemon... Hmm...well I guess I'll just ignore it and accept it!" XDD But anyway, I find this really interesting! I don't know the specific reason why she's lying to him, or why she felt like she had to lie, but I'm guessing that it's so he doesn't find out they're from different Kaloses or something? It is a pretty weird concept to stomach, so it's easier to pretend and I don't know...maybe makes her seem less "suspicious" even though it's not like she's suspicious if she's from another timeline or dimension or universe because she arrived the same way everyone else did. Anyhow.

    Her annoyance with Palila is entertaining as well. XD I'm going to enjoy watching their dynamic develop...or explode. Whichever one. Clashes are always fun. XD Not so fun for the group, but fun for me, especially to read about in journals.


    I really liked this journal! :D Amy's thoughts are interesting to read and I think you covered events concisely but effectively. However because you made 3-4 mistakes which I think could have been rectified with closer proof-reading, I'm going to nick off one point. So:

    14/15 total!

    Also, you're awesome!

  6. This post has been liked by:


  7. #15
    Ace Trainer Lychee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    553
    GCEA version: Platinum
    Trainer Name: Palila Rae
    Link to stats: http://www.pokemoncrossroads.com/for...499#post289499
    Word Count: 915

    Spoiler:

    Here's the deets. 1st Entry.

    I got sucked through a crazyass portal and dumped in the grass in a really chill place. Too chill for me. Its freakin' cold here! I'm wishing for some serious sun, and probably the only reason I'm staying warm is because I keep running.
    OH AND ALSO! I dropped my board when I went through the portal! Damnit! So, I dunno where I am, AND I have no wheels. It sucks dude.

    I'm glad I kept ahold of my pokeball with Rowlet, but I ended up throwing the wrong one and catching a Starly I thought was the portal-creator. Eh. Embarrassing. Starly can't do that. Luckily, nobody saw that. I also got given another sweet bird called Piplup, and Rowlet and Pip duked it out to see who was top bird. I hear all these other trainers giving their Pokemon names and I'm like, ehhhhh, so pretentious! How am I supposed to know what they wanna be called? Its not like people where I can make up nicknames on the spot- Pokemon are .... more difficult to understand.
    Plus, who even knows if they'll respond to nicknames! My Pokemon are basically just wild animals I accidentally ended up with for the last 8 hours. Hella untrained. Except for the wingull that some crazy old lady gave me. Whatever. Hopefully we can all protect each other and not peck each others eyes out.

    ANYWAY, the reason I'm writing is mostly to keep track of other PEOPLE, not Pokemon. I met a bunch of others who /say/ they came through portals too? But, I'm not actually sure. They all seem so self-assured, relatively at-ease with being sucked through space! Like, wtf man! Is it some bizarro-world regular occurrence?

    Sophie- BLONDIE. Some blonde bossy 14 year-old who keeps telling everyone what to do. Maybe she's secretly actually from here? She certainly seems to know how everything works, and where everything is. It makes me heeeeelllllaaaaa suspicious, bro. I don't trust the wormhole story, and I dunno what her problem is with me- maybe its coz I don't just bend to her will like all the other meek sheep in the flock. She swore at me a lot so I called her a sitrus berry and ran off. I don't need that kinda negativity.

    Matthias- Matt, Sunbeam, another blondie. Actually kinda decent. Doesn't seem upset about being teleported to a strange land and following a kid around while hoping to be saved, so maybe he's got other things on his mind. Whatever. He gave me some food. He's chill to hang with. Said he can get stuff if I need it. Some ACTUAL HELP, maybe?

    Kindrea- Skinny Kinnie. Literally the shyest kid on the block- except her pokemon are mega friendly. I swear I heard her say like, 2 words? She's probs the most reasonable attitude I've seen so far. I bet she's just sticking with Sophie because she'll cling to anyone with a strong personality and the semblance of a plan. She reminds me of a lil' baby Fomantis, but like, blue. Whats with the cloak tho?
    ... I wouldn't mind one too, at the rate this temperature is going.

    Tony Joy- Joyboy, yup. Him and Kinnie should form a duo- they're opposites in appearance and matching in personality. He seems content to just be in the background, patching stuff back together. Says he's a doctor, but, like, he's probably about my age, so I seriously doubt it. I haven't seen him actually heal anyones pokemon or injuries yet. Maybe he's also not who he says he is. Wild pokemon attack him a lot.

    Renny- Shaggy. Always has a camera glued to his face, or is hanging back, or away from the group. Kindof a loner, and IDK why he's here. Is he making some whack documentary? Is this all gonna be like HEY PALILA YOU GOT PUNKED! And its some masterfully crafted joke? Hah. I wish. Maybe I should ask him to see some footage sometime. I wonder if he would make a skate promo video for me and the... oh yeah. My friends aren't around, and I don't have a board. Bluh.

    Amy- Miss Riss. Miss Priss, more like. Another blonde! Said something about living with a police officer in Kalos, but then said she grew up in Mahogany in Johto? Ehhh? For someone who keeps mentioning places and politics and other people, she sure doesn't have a straight story. She poked me in the head and told me off for giving her a nickname and moving in on her cosy convo with Drake. Apparently has a girlfriend, and is real stuck up and boasty about it.

    Drake- Drakeo, Wolfgang. Politically active stranger from this world, who Sophie lied to, and then nobody told him we ALL apparently came from portals? Are they trying to keep something from him? Eh, He mostly seemed keen on chatting to Amy, complimenting her on literally everything. Ew. Makes me feel sick.

    Neith- Nee? STYLIN' From Kalos. Isn't super active, but when she talks its like BLAHBLHALJALSJLDUHFUSHH all at once! Its great! She's not being sneaky or shy or pushy or political. Seems cool. I wanna talk to her more. And learn about those beads! Maybe she will show me how to do it?

    Nathan- Delivery boy with an attitude. Gave me a Pokemon, so whatever.

    Professor Rowan- Only mentioned by Sophie so far. Maybe he's not even real!

    Thats all for now. Later, bro.

  8. #16
    I came in like a wrecking ball... [Desolate Divine]'s Avatar
    Senior Moderator

    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Melbourne Australia
    Posts
    3,473
    GCEA version: Platinum
    Trainer Name: Sophie Reed
    Link to stats: In Sig
    Word Count: 2927
    Spoiler:

    I'm writing this from the Pokemon Center in Orebourgh City. Yep. Orebourgh City. As in that city in the Sinnoh Region. Which makes absolutely no f***ing sense seeing as I woke up yesterday morning at home in Azalea Town back in Johto. Dad drove me from there to New Bark Town, where I got my starter, a Cyndaquil that I named Wolverine. Then s*** got weird. The last thing I remember is seeing this wormhole, and almost becoming hypnotized by it, before blacking out. When I woke up, I was in Twinleaf Town in Sinnoh. There I ran into a few other trainers who also seemed inappropriately dressed for the colder climate, that carried Pokemon not native to Sinnoh, and seemed just as f***ing confused as I was.

    As we were trying to figure out what the hell happened, this group of people who were dressed in a uniform that made them look like a group of idiots as opposed to individual idiots, walked past, shouting something about the nearby lake being off limits. We proceeded to ignore them until we heard an explosion, which naturally peaked our interest, causing us to go have a look, where we found a few more people who seemed to be in the same position that the rest of us were.

    Basically a fight broke out, and whilst we seemed to beat the Pokemon carried by these Team Galactic idiots one on one, there were too many of them, and the only reason we weren't in a lot of trouble was because two other people came along with stronger Pokemon, who were able to fight off these thugs. But the weirdest was yet to come.

    Turns out the reason Team Galactic were there was the rock formation on the island in the center of the lake, which was actually revealed to be a cave after they blasted the s*** out of it with some explosive. The reason they were so interested in this rock formation was because it housed a Legendary Pokemon called Mesprit, which they were attempting to capture, however in the chaos that had ensued, it managed to escape.

    To be honest though, that wasn't the thing that stood out most about that experience. It was what happened when one of the Galactic a**holes tried to grab Neith, one of the other trainers. Before I knew what was happening, I had intervened, and left him a bleeding and crying heap on the ground. That's not to say that he didn't deserve it, but it was the first time I had done anything like that to another person. Sure, I had gotten physical, but usually that was to make a statement, and didn't involve actually hurting someone, but this was different. I had taken the training that Dad had given me the last few years, which I had practiced hundreds of times on a dummy, and used it on another person. That's not to say that he didn't deserve it, but I feel like I hadn't really been prepared for what it would do. Dad had always said that those three strikes were good because they didn't do lasting damage to the person on the other end, and every time I had practiced on the dummy... Well, it's a dummy. It goes thump and then gets hit again a minute later. I had broken this persons nose, and ruptured his eardrums, assuming I landed the hits correctly. Even if it wasn't going to be lasting damage, the pain that he is probably still in would be unbearable.

    Anyway, the two newcomers introduced themselves as Professor Rowan, the regional professor of Sinnoh, who handles new trainers and their starter Pokemon, and Nathan, another trainer who apparently like us, came through a wormhole, only instead of being at the same time as us, he arrived in Sinnoh a few days earlier, and was helping Professor Rowan try and figure out the cause. However, Professor Rowan told us there was more to our situation, and offered to give us a lift to his lab and explain things better there.

    When we got to the lab, Professor Rowan dropped one hell of a bombshell. We weren't from this world.

    According to his theory, based on what he had seen of the wormholes, and his conversations with Nathan, this world is one of countless, almost parallel worlds, with slight differences across a multiverse. And whilst we had been pulled from our homes into the Sinnoh Region, the Sinnoh Region we were in was not the one from our own worlds.

    In addition to this, Professor Rowan seems to think that us all being pulled from different worlds, to the same location, in the same world at a very similar time, right before Team Galactic launched an attack against Lake Verity, wasn't an accident, but be it the will of Arceus or some other God, was actually intentional, and that maybe the key to us returning home is tied in with Mesprit.

    The Professor told us about two other lakes. Lake Acuity in the northern reaches of Sinnoh, and Lake Valor on the mainlands east coast. Each of them houses a Pokemon like Mesprit, which could be part of the reason why we were brought here, and part of finding our way home.

    The Professor then offered us his assistance, in the form of a Sinnoh Starter Pokemon, as well as signing us up as Trainers in Sinnoh, allowing us to take on the Gym Challenge, as well as use the facilities available to traveling Pokemon Trainers in Sinnoh. Before he gave us the Pokemon, he interviewed each of us, to determine whether we would be suitable to take one of these Pokemon, and to figure out where we may fit in the team. After that, he then gave everyone a role in the team.

    To Amy, the rebellious looking, and slightly apprehensive, but friendly and loyal once you got on her good side, fashion designer from Kalos, he gave the task of being the Kecleon. Blending in and being inconspicuous. Finding out information, and completing tasks when discretion is required.

    To Tony, the mostly quiet, but compassionate and friendly, son of a nurse from Hoenn, he gave the task of being the groups medic.

    To Neith, the mostly quiet, but sometimes slightly hyperactive and bubbly trainer from Kalos, he gave the task of being a data analyst.

    To Kinnie, the quiet, almost robotic girl, who I am not even sure I know where she is from, he gave the task of being a tactician.

    To Matthias, the blonde from Kanto with sticky fingers and a distaste towards anything authoritative, he gave the task of being the scout.

    To Renny, the kid who seemed to be unable to look at the world without going through his camera, he gave the task of being the chronicler.

    The biggest surprise came when he gave me my role. He asked me to be the leader. This surprised the s*** out of me. I'm not even sixteen yet, and in all honesty, I'm not much of a leader. Amy or Tony would be much better, but he insisted that I be the leader. He said that in me he saw a natural instinct to protect those around me, and that is more important in a leader of this type of group than age or experience.

    The thing that came to mind most about this was what Dad had drilled into my since I was young. He had lots of rules for when I was going to travel. But two he mentioned the most.

    Never get involved with Legendary Pokemon.

    Never let yourself be responsible for someone else's safety.


    By taking on this role, I was breaking both of those. The sad thing is, I really couldn't care less. He has parroted all of this to me for years, refusing to give me any reason why, when it was clear he had reasons for it, and expecting me to follow blindly.

    Things started to go downhill from there. First was Renny, the kid with the camera. I think he might be slightly handicapped, because he seems unable to focus on more than one thing at a time, and the thing that makes that tricky, is that his focus hardly changes. When he saw Mesprit, he decided he wanted to make a documentary about it, and it seems like nothing else is more important than this in his mind. He actually took off, because he viewed taking the Pokemon and being part of the team, as being indebted to Professor Rowan, which in his eyes would get in the way of his documentary. Granted, Nathan managed to bring him back, and he ended up taking a Pokemon and coming along with us.

    Then Matthias seemed to get himself into trouble. Turns out the jacket he was wearing was one he stole, and the owner and her aggressive boyfriend recognized it and wanted it back. I ended up having to try and find a way to diffuse that, without just bailing Matthias out, and letting him know that this wasn't okay.

    We spent the night at the lab, before leaving the next morning, making our way to Jubilife City where things became even more complicated. Upon entering the city, we were approached by a man in a suit, who said he was representing the CEO of Dash Corp, one of Sinnoh's leading technology developers, who was wanting to have lunch with us.

    Trying to figure out how to handle this best, how to not turn away something that could be potentially innocent, but also not be naive enough to walk into a trap, I ended up giving everyone in the team a small task to make sure we were covering our backs, and everyone seemed on board except Renny, who flat out refused, and kept calling me Miss Parks, for some odd reason, even after I had told him that wasn't my name.

    He kept being difficult, and it put me in an even more difficult position. Do I let him come along and risk him getting himself, or one of the others hurt because he is refusing to act as part of the team, or do I leave him behind? I opted for the second, but he refused, insisting he would come, causing me to do something which got me in the bad books of a lot of the group. I lied.

    I told the security guard that Renny was a recovering kleptomaniac, and that him going to a place like Dash Corp would be too much on him, which meant the security guard wouldn't let him come along. At least that kept him from getting us into trouble.

    We were taken to this big building where we had lunch with a man who introduced himself as Davis Thomas but told us to call him Dash, where he gave us each a prototype for the new Poketch, however these ones had been modified to record data of wormholes that appear, and send the information back to him. The weird thing was that he seemed to know me. However it got weirder, he then offered for us to test out a battling simulator he had designed disappeared. Turns out we had been having lunch with a hologram the whole time.

    When I used the battling simulator, something weird happened. I was sent to a specific room with the simulator, whilst the others got to pick one, which I didn't notice at the time. When I finished the battle, the simulator powered down and a door opened, revealing an aggressive Pokemon. Whilst it scared the s*** out of me, I realized that it was just growling, but wasn't actually trying to attack me. I stood my ground, and demanded it stand down, and it begrudgingly did. That was when I met the real Dash. He explained to me that this Pokemon was called Type: Null, and was actually humans failed attempt to recreate the Legendary Pokemon Arceus, and that he wanted me to take it. He said that the Type: Null was sensitive to energy signatures, and mine matched his own close enough that I may be able to tame the Pokemon. But that wasn't the weird part. He said that he was like us. He wasn't from this world, but instead of coming through a wormhole, he came here a different way when he was a teenager. His home world apparently came to some sort of end, and he escaped to here. Something called Shadow Pokemon appeared in his world.

    Then when I asked how he knew my name, he said something which was the first answer I had heard to a question I have had for years. He told me to ask Dad, and said "Say hi to Jacob for me."

    For years, Dad had been forcing me to learn things like how to battle, how to survive on my own, and how to defend myself. He forced me to learn about Legendary Pokemon, and how to fight them if I ever had to. He told me about how people who get involved with Legendary Pokemon get killed and to stay away from them, and that traveling with others is a bad idea, because their mistakes will get you killed. He tried to show me that the world was a terrible and dangerous place, and the best we can do is to just survive, but refused to give me any answers why. My guess was that maybe something bad happened to him, and it wasn't until Laura told me almost a year ago that he battles like his life depends on it because once upon a time it did, that I had been told anything. Mum knew, but she kept me in the dark. So did Gwaine. Dad had them all sworn to secrecy, and after Laura told me what she did, I never heard from her again. She stopped answering my calls and messages, and hadn't been back to Johto since, and I think that is because Dad told her to stay away.

    That comment shook me. There was no doubt that Dad knew Dash. But Dash had been in this world since he was not much older than myself, and he doesn't look like he could be more than ten years older than me. That being said, neither did Dad. He is thirty seven but looks ten years younger. This means one of two things. Either Dad has been to this world before, and met Dash here, which seems unlikely as even when he has been on his tournament trips, he was always calling home to check on us, or this world Dash came from, that fell to Shadow Pokemon, my Dad came from as well.

    If this were true, that Dad wasn't from my world, but before I was born came from a world that was attacked by Shadow Pokemon, and a Legendary Pokemon like Dash mentioned, then everything I have wondered about, the training, the hatred towards Legendary Pokemon, even what Laura said, suddenly makes sense.

    Dash left the room, and I was left with answers, but now even more questions. I picked up an extra Poketch for Renny, as we made our way out of the building, where I also found another Poketch in a nearby bin. Turns out Amy's world had been affected by someone using devices like this to cause havoc, and had left.

    We regrouped at the Pokemon Center, where Nathan also joined us, and I made a silly mistake. I gave Renny the Poketch before I talked to him about actually being part of the team. The reason that was silly, was because it beeped to say there was a wormhole nearby, and his first instinct was to run straight to it to film it, without the thought of it being dangerous even crossing his mind. Thankfully, Nathan went after him, and managed to slow him down enough for us to regroup, before approaching the location of the wormhole. Instead of Team Galactic, this time we found a teenage girl. Palila. A wannabe-skater from Alola, with a really s***y attitude. It almost seems that she sees herself as someone who is so mature, purely because she talks a lot of s**t and causes issues with the other members. Unfortunately she is one of us. A wormhole trainer, and as disrespectful as she is, I would hate to see her stuck here. I just hope she pulls her f***ing head in, because if we have to deal with this every day until we get out of here, I think Amy is going to murder her. We were also joined by this other guy Drake who is apparently from this world. One of the others almost told him that we came through a wormhole, but I quickly covered it up. He is a nice enough guy, but I would rather it not get out that there is a group of trainers who claim to be from other worlds traveling Sinnoh. It is asking for trouble.

    We arrived in Orebourgh City early this evening, but the gym was closed, so we have to spend the night here at the Pokemon Center then battle the gym tomorrow. So I guess next up is organize some dinner and get some sleep. Tomorrow we continue east towards Lake Valor, so I will need the rest, especially with this rag-tag team of misfits I am somehow supposed to be leading...

  9. #17
    The Queen of Shaymin
    Noblejanobii's Avatar
    Site Editor

    Administrator

    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Location
    US
    Posts
    17,593
    @Lychee

    Okay here we go!

    Spoiler:
    I got sucked through a crazyass portal and dumped in the grass in a really chill place.
    So "crazyass" actually need to be be "crazy-***" though you might've just been trying to get past the site's censors.

    in a really chill place. Too chill for me
    So at first when I read this I thought you meant chill as in lax, but the next sentence reveals that you're referring to the temperature. In which case you need to use "chilly" here.

    Its freakin' cold here!
    Need an apostrophe here. You're using "it is" not the possessive its.

    Its not like people where I can make up nicknames on the spot
    Same as above. Not the possessive its so it needs an apostrophe.

    Hopefully we can all protect each other and not peck each others eyes out.
    Need a comma after "hopefully" and need an apostrophe on "others" because it is possessive.

    Some blonde bossy 14 year-old who keeps telling everyone what to do.
    You need to have a dash between "14" and "year" just like you have it between "year" and "old".

    Literally the shyest kid on the block- except her pokemon are mega friendly
    Need a comma after literally.

    Whats with the cloak tho?
    Need an apostrophe on "what's" because it's a contraction.

    Him and Kinnie should form a duo
    Should be "he" since it's in the subject part of the sentence. "Him" is reserved for the predicate.

    I haven't seen him actually heal anyones pokemon or injuries yet.
    "Anyone's" needs an apostrophe because it is possessive.

    Kindof a loner, and IDK why he's here.
    "Kind of" is two words not one. You could've meant "kinda" though which is one word!

    Amy- Miss Riss. Miss Priss, more like. Another blonde!
    Amy's not a blonde, she's a red head. Not going to mark you off for this just letting you know. It could be you're just referring to her as an airhead or something rather than her actual hair color. But she's a red head.

    Apparently has a girlfriend, and is real stuck up and boasty about it.
    Should be "really" and "boastful". "Boasty" is not a word.

    Its great!
    Again, contraction. Needs to be "it's".

    Thats all for now. Later, bro.
    Same as above. Contraction. Needs to be "that's".


    So a lot of this was commas and apostrophes. While I'm a bit more forgiving on the former just because commas can be weird, apostrophes are pretty straight forward in their rules. Your word choice in some places was also a bit weird but this likely could be just colloquialisms in the way Paulila talks so points won't be taken off for that.

    Overall the read was entertaining. I enjoyed reading Paulila's take on everyone thus far and hope to see more from you in the future.

    Unfortunately, due to the amount of easily correctable errors though, I'm going to give this a: 7/15




    Okay @Desolate Divine here we go.

    Spoiler:
    which naturally peaked our interest
    Wrong "peaked"! It's spelled "piqued".

    To be honest though, that wasn't the thing that stood out most about that experience.
    Minor thing, you need a comma after honest. Typically when you use "though" it is surrounded by punctuation.

    [quote]I had broken this persons nose, and ruptured his eardrums[quote]

    Need an apostrophe, it's possessive.

    [quote]and that maybe the key to us returning home is tied in with Mesprit.[quote]

    It should be "May be" not "maybe". Verb phrase versus adverb so easy mistake since they are similar.

    To Amy, the rebellious looking, and slightly apprehensive
    Need a hyphen here in between "rebellious" and "looking".

    Dad had drilled into my since I was young
    This should be "me" not "my". Or you could do "my head" but either way it can't just be "my".

    where he gave us each a prototype for the new Poketch, however these ones had been modified to record data of wormholes that appear,
    This is a super weird rule so I don't blame you for not knowing this, but whenever you use "however" in the middle of the sentence it should be "Poketch; however,". A semicolon needs to precede it and a comma always follows it. Super obscure rule though.

    His home world apparently came to some sort of end
    This should be one word.

    He told me to ask Dad, and said "Say hi to Jacob for me."
    There should be some form of punctuation after said, like a comma or a colon.

    He is thirty seven
    Need a hyphen between "thirty" and "seven".


    These were the most noticeable errors. Your comma placement is also all over the place. There are a lot of places where you use too many commas and some places where you use too few. If I detailed all of them this post would be a lot longer. I'd recommend using something like Grammarly to check with your comma placement. Great program for stuff like that. Commas are very very very weird though so I'd not going to fault you on this since I didn't fault Lychee on it either. But if they're like this again I'll probably take off some.

    Aside from the commas there were some errors that involved hyphens and spelling that could've been caught if you had given it another look over. However, given the sheer length of this piece these errors are so easy to overlook when you're proof reading, which definitely excuses them some, so I'm going to give you a 12/15.
    Last edited by Noblejanobii; 03-19-2019 at 02:12 PM.
    / / / / / / / /
    Avatar by Soggymint
    Double Agents with Suicune's Fire

  10. #18
    The Queen of Shaymin
    Noblejanobii's Avatar
    Site Editor

    Administrator

    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Location
    US
    Posts
    17,593
    GCEA version: Platinum
    Trainer Name: Amy Risa
    Link to stats: Froslass
    Word Count: 581
    Spoiler:
    Dear Theresa,

    I beat the Oreburgh gym today! Granted it was a rock type gym so when you have two water types on your team it’s going to be a breeze. I even challenged it on hard mode and was able to almost solo it with Hunter. Terry provided some endgame coverage and evolved shortly thereafter. So now my team consists of Prinplup, Croconaw, Cyndaquil, Staravia, Kricketune, and Snorunt. That’s right, Snorunt! Freya decided she was comfortable enough to join my team too. Maybe one day I’ll find a dawn stone and finally get a Froslass! Only if Freya wants to evolve though.

    In other big news, I met the Sinnoh stylist, Hermione. I can’t remember if I’ve told you about her in the past, I’ve babbled about so many different designers and stylists I doubt you remember them all. She’s a stylist well known for her work on contest Pokémon since contests are very big in Sinnoh. She complimented my style!!!!! I must’ve been red as a beet I was blushing so hard when she said. She also worked on Terry and gave him a grooming, then finished it all off with a scarf. He’s still wearing it since he’s evolved. I think it makes him look quite stylish. I was watching Hermione very closely so I took some mental notes on her brush strokes and other minor details for Pokémon styling. I know fashion design is my main thing, but we do live in Kalos so learning how the trade of Pokémon styling could be a useful way to make rent too given how picky the fashion industry can be.

    That being said, I get the feeling the group is kind of tired of hearing me talk about you. I know I mention you a lot but I never really noticed how much until I started getting looks whenever I did it. I’m going to try and lay off but… I miss you a lot. Like, a lot a lot. It’s been two nights since I got here and I’ve barely slept at all. The beds are cold. The room is silent. There’s none of the hustle and bustle of Lumiose city as background noise. I think Jubilife City was the closest we got to that and we didn’t even spend the night there. I miss our apartment together. Sure it wasn’t great but it was ours. The bed was always warm even if you weren’t in it. I could look outside and see a beautiful city filled with beautiful people, with the sun high in the sky making everything seem happy. I could smell any of the scented candles you used to light. I thought they were stupid when you first got them but man do I really miss them. What were they called? Kalos Ocean Kiss? Ilex Forest Bark? The names are so stupid but they were a part of the home, so I miss them too. But most of all, I miss you. I want to go home. I want to be back with you. I keep hoping one day, I’ll lie down in one of these cold beds and wake up in our warm one with the scent of Fresh Snow on Mt. Coronet wafting over me, revealing this all to have been some scent candle induced dream. But I doubt that will ever happen. So until then, I’ll trudge forward and give it everything I have to get back to you.

    Love,
    Your Wildfire
    / / / / / / / /
    Avatar by Soggymint
    Double Agents with Suicune's Fire

  11. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    Granted it was a rock type gym so when you have two water types on your team it’s going to be a breeze.
    Missing a few commas here. There should be one after "Granted," "gym" and "team."

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    Only if Freya wants to evolve though.
    Since we're being picky about commas, one before "though." ;)

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    I can’t remember if I’ve told you about her in the past, I’ve babbled about so many different designers and stylists I doubt you remember them all.
    These can be two separate sentences, so in this type of instance, you need a semicolon. Commas are only for run-on sentences whose segments can't be separate on their own. Also the absence of "that" after "stylists" calls for a need for punctuation there. I'd say another semicolon since having a comma would be incorrect due to the fact that the sentences would be able to sit separately. But then you have two semicolons within three sentences, so a change of structure may be called for instead.

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    She’s a stylist well known for her work on contest Pokémon since contests are very big in Sinnoh.
    Comma before "since."

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    I must’ve been red as a beet I was blushing so hard when she said.
    Same issue with this. Because you've removed the joining word in this sentence, it becomes two sentences when written. When spoken, you can't hear the punctuation, but when it's written, it needs it. The whole sentence in general is awkwardly worded.

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    He’s still wearing it since he’s evolved.
    This should be "He's been wearing it since he evolved" because "since" is past tense, but "he's still" is present tense. If it said "He's still wearing it even after he evolved" then it would make sense, but not the way it's worded currently.

    Quote Originally Posted by Noblejanobii View Post
    revealing this all to have been some scent candle induced dream.
    Should be a hyphen between 'candle' and 'induced.' Also should be 'scented.'

    There were other places where you missed commas or other punctuation but I didn't bother quoting it because I was just going to be repeating myself. XD I also do allow for a character's writing style, but I figured you'd want to be marked a little more harshly because that's how you mark too. ;) Just be aware that phrases you say aloud don't translate to written passages, because writing and speaking are very different things. You can skip over punctuation while speaking, but skipping it while writing is incorrect grammar. Don't worry, I'm certainly guilty of this too. xD It's the casual grammarless style of today's written conversations.

    Anyway, I really liked reading about Amy's thoughts regarding how much she misses Theresa and the fact that she had no idea how much she mentioned her until other people made her aware. I think we can all relate to unconscious habits, especially when they come from a place of joy or excitement. Reading about her cold beds was sad, though. Poor Amy. :( Being in this situation for real would be really terrifying. It's hard to believe it's only been three in-game days though. Feels like so much has happened already.

    13/15 points total. Great journal entry, but you had a lot of fixable grammar errors.

  12. This post has been liked by:


  13. #20
    This entry is kind of all over the place. xD

    GCEA version: Platinum
    Trainer Name: Kinnie Gutamen
    Link to stats: Sig
    Word Count: 524


    ---

    Entry #3
    03/04/2019


    This day drags on.

    We went from Jubilife to Oreburgh today. A few things happened that are worth noting: the egg hatched into a small insect-like creature called a grubbin; I obtained a larvitar, who I just happened upon soon after the virtual battle I engaged in; and our wrist devices began to give off noises that indicated another portal opening outside Jubilife City. The group, fronted by Sophie, departed the city and traversed the nearby route. There, we found a girl. Her hair is colourful and her clothes are ragged. Immediately she seemed rather vocal and there was almost instantaneous tension between her and Amy, and her and Sophie.

    Strangers comprise our group, but regardless of familiarity, each member should be prioritising cohesiveness. I understand the need to work as one, but other individuals in this group do not seem to understand. Perhaps it should be my duty to inform them. I elected not to bring it to the forefront of conversation, but consequently, the lack of cooperation seemed to remain the same or even increase. If ever I had envisioned myself in a situation where I had become stranded and needed to band together with others to survive, I would not have picked these people.

    Shortly before arriving at Oreburgh City, two of my pokémon evolved, and I began to train Beluga, the grubbin who had hatched from the egg earlier in the day. I was entirely unaware how quickly a pokémon can become capable of such feats as battling so soon after birth. It strikes me as bizarre that these creatures are almost designed for fighting. They seem to adapt so naturally to it, unlike humans. We are a rather useless specimen by comparison. However, we are the ones commanding them, so I suppose we make up for what they lack in other areas. Perhaps this is why humans choose to spend much of their lives with one or more pokémon—together, they are stronger. Or perhaps humans feel a need to control that which is more powerful than they, so that they remain perpetually dominant.

    Oreburgh City is rather dull. There is a constant, heavy smell of coal which permeates the air. It is an unpleasant change from the dense forest smells that have become familiar to me. New places are fascinating, sometimes frightening, and frequently a jarring experience. I was targeted by a young, arrogant girl whose pink hair was frankly blinding, because she wanted to battle against me. She lacked tact and boasted rather uselessly, and upon agreeing to the battle, I defeated her rather easily. The money that was owed me from the contest provided me with a substantial evening meal.

    This city has a gym, which we are all to challenge in the morning. I personally do not know what is involved in a gym challenge, but I assume it is related to battling. It appears it will provide us with credibility and perhaps some material items which will help in…whatever our quest has become.

    The hour is late. Perhaps tomorrow will bring further clarity for our journey. For the moment, it feels somewhat aimless.

    Kindrea

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •