--> Back in 2006, when I first joined PE2K and was young and completely innocent with an obsession for Ruby and Sapphire and spriting, there was a member named Kaze Megami. She wrote two fictions that I found enthralling: Shadow Mist and Shadow Sky. Not only were they based on Shadow Pokémon (which I think is a rare thing), but they were excellently written and so engaging (even if Sky was left on the most dreadful cliffhanger and has been left as so for three years, fuuuuuuu-!!).
Now, I accidentally stumbled upon them again when I was browsing the forum. Kaze vanished years ago, and her artwork turned to a collection of dead links, but Shadow Mist and Shadow Sky still remained. It was odd, as I’d just started playing through Pokémon XD: Gale of Darkness for the second time, and I was suddenly filled with a desire to do something to show how much Kaze was appreciated. Thus, I decided to write. (odear.)
However, I never got past chapter three.
This story is entirely planned out, chapter by chapter, character by character, plot twist by plot twist.
That plan is on a now broken external hard drive. -_-
BUT. I wish to give this another go. I usually think about this fanfic at least once every couple of months, as I thoroughly enjoyed writing it and the plot, I feel, is the best I ever came up with. So, whilst my boyfriend works on extracting the plan from my stupid hard drive, I will edit and reupload the three chapters I did before.
I wish to introduce Shadow End, a fanfic based after the events of Colosseum and dedicated entirely to Kaze. Any praise you may have for this, I feel goes rightfully to her.
Please, enjoy, and please tear my writing to shreds as most of it was done three years ago (to this very month, in fact!). Thank you. n_n
The broken tiles were gritty with sand, and there was nothing but wind. It was a monotone sound, soulless, lifeless, and it meandered through the desolate lab with no walls to block its path.
Everything had crumbled.
All around there were dunes of pale yellow, grains dancing in ribbon-like trails across their surfaces. The sky stretched in an endless watercolour globe, not a cloud in sight, tainted only by waves of heat. The desert was hot and dead.
Snapped wires, tall broken containers with their contents long-evaporated and rusting desks littered the open lab. The ceiling was gone, and everything was scalding to the touch under the steady glare of the sun.
Scattered about, on the floor and on the sand, on desks and drooping in empty windowpanes, were sheets of curled and torn paper. Stamped across them were faded photos of Pokémon and humans, and faint blocks of writing with only a few odd words discernible.
Storage... Tracked... Threat... Successful... Aura... Closed... Heart...
A scuffling sound broke the lazy silence. Near a corner wall of the lab that was still valiantly standing, a large tile started to move. With a scraping noise it was pushed out from the floor and across the other dirty slabs, leaving a dark hole. Voices sounded from below, along with a faint buzzing.
“Vander- where’s Vander? Vander, I moved the tile-”
“You did it? There’s a way out?”
“Reath? Reath... stay with us, man...”
“Wes, move. I want to check the hole.”
“Right here, Vander. I did it right here.”
There were several thudding noises accompanied by exhaling breaths, as if someone or something was climbing, and then the defiant head of a crimson lizard emerged from the blackness. He looked around rapidly with a serious, focused expression, and then hoisted himself clean out of the hole. His head was proud, thin wisps of smoke rising faintly from his nostrils, and his stance was solid and readied. The brilliant flame on the end of his slender tail danced in the sandy wind.
“How is it?” asked a voice from below, the same voice that had spoken first. The Charmeleon’s clawed fingers flexed slightly.
“Stay there.” His brows arched downwards as he cast his steely gaze around the wrecked lab. Equipment and machines had been abandoned. It was possible to step directly from the desert sand onto the tiled floor on which he now stood. It felt so... open. He didn’t realise... it was all so confusing, he thought, intense concentration seizing his face, before another voice sounded from below his feet.
Everything was just so...
“Vander, man, what’s up there?” Appearing directly below the hole and looking up, squinting in the sun, was an ocean-blue turtle with a red rag tied around his neck. The white plumes of his tail waved agitatedly behind him as he tried to catch sight of the scarlet lizard. Next to him were a stack of wooden boxes that had been arranged into a staircase. The room appeared to be some sort of storage facility with no sign of human inhabitancy, yet large tanks filled with neon liquid filled the dark space with an unearthly, multicoloured glow. Computers with blue screens, acting as if by themselves, covered metal desks that had drawers stuffed with papers. The walls were all covered in the same yellow-and-black tape:
SHADOW POKÉMON SHADOW POKÉMON SHADOW POKÉMON SHADOW POKÉMON SHADOW POKÉMON
“... Nothing,” Vander eventually replied, sounding faintly disgruntled. “It’s all... everything’s just...”
Murmuring voices. The Wartortle disappeared for a few seconds then reappeared, clambering up the stacked boxes and hauling his shelled body up beside his friend. Adjusting his necktie, he looked around, confusion in his eyes. His white ears twitched.
“Man... what the hell happened here?”
There seemed to be more to the question than just a simple query. The blue Pokémon was starting to look severely troubled. Vander began slowly, as if his feet were sticking to the floor, to walk around the mess. Swallowing, the Wartortle cast another look around at his desolate surroundings before calling down to whoever was below.
“Naps, come up here. Get Ancha to stay with Reath,” he added as an afterthought, looking back out at the dunes in the distance.
This seriously isn’t what I expected...
Over in what would’ve been, in the past, another room, Vander’s claws and dark eyes were scanning everything rapidly and attentively. He picked up his pace, exploring each nook and cranny thoroughly, and his heart began to pound. He tried to gather the facts in his head, but he was still so groggy. They all were, despite having been awake for several days.
Awake...
Picking up a sheet of paper from the floor and staring at it blankly, the Charmeleon tried to take hold of his own consciousness. They had awoken in those glowing containers... awoken, with nothing in their hearts or minds or souls, and they had moved, and the containers had beeped and then drained of their gooey liquid... and the... the wires... they had pulled the wires and suckers off of their skin, and they had fallen, drunken-like, onto the cold floor of that... that room... the room filled with papers and computers and tape and containers and desks and equipment and nothing, nothing at all-
The paper crackled forlornly as it was screwed up in a clawed fist. His eyes shut, Vander stood, his tail-flame stretching and blowing all around wildly as the grainy breeze battered at it.
“Vander?”
He opened his eyes and looked around, dropping the ball of paper as he did so. The Wartortle was standing there, gazing at him curiously, and next to him was a buzzing insect of black and yellow, with blurred, translucent wings and strong needle-like arms that had been the ones to move the tile. Vander nodded at the Beedrill, Naps, and then looked at the blue turtle.
“Wes...”
“What was that?” Wes asked with a nod at the rumpled ball of paper. The Charmeleon sighed and looked away again, his eyes tracing the horizon.
“Nothing, I... can’t read human.”
Silence again... except for the wind. It was still a monotone sound, soulless, lifeless-
“Where are we going to go?” Naps’ voice quavered a little, through the vibrations caused by his frantic wings. Vander cast his eyes down as he started to think again. Something made him want to stay here, in this wreck of a laboratory, to try to find answers- but were there any here? The place was dead. Dead and sandy. There were no other traces of other Pokémon, or- or just any god damn life at all. There was nothing. Nothing.
His body must have tensed, as Wes approached him and laid a hand on his shoulder.
“C’mon. Let’s get Ancha and Reath and get away from here.”
Fire brewed in the pit of the Charmeleon’s stomach, but then it was gone. He gave a reluctant nod and turned towards the Wartortle; both Pokémon clasped each other’s wrists and gave one hard shake, trying for smiles, before both making their way back to the anxious bug Pokémon.
Beneath the floor, back in the room, a beige Pokémon was calling out positive words whilst loping with ease up the stack of boxes.
“Come on, Reath... don’t let the other boys get ahead of you,” she purred, looking down at him as she lifted herself easily onto the tiled floor. Her body was long and sleek, her ears round, a scarlet jewel in the centre of her forehead. Her slim tail curled itself around her haunches as she sat, waiting for her comrade to emerge. Several seconds passed, and then a groggy Ivysaur appeared, the flower on his back wilted and sad-looking. The Persian smiled at him encouragingly as he tried to haul himself up, looking weak and disorientated.
“That’s it... a little more...”
With a grunt, the emerald dinosaur hauled himself onto the gritty tiles and laid there, his eyes drifting shut. Padding to him, the Persian gave his forehead a swift lick.
“Well done,” she said, nudging his ear, before her own pricked and she looked up at the other three Pokémon walking to her. Vander was tying a pale green rag of cloth around his forehead to keep away the sweat, his eyes on the floor, and Wes was busy trying to catch the eye of the exhausted Ivysaur.
“Reath, man, you okay?”
“Let him be,” Ancha told him softly, giving the fur on her chest a brief lick before properly taking in her surroundings. Vander quickly read the expression in her eyes, and he then started speaking.
“I don’t know where we are,” he began, and his voice was calm and steady, “but I want to find out what this place is. That probably means moving, and there’s nothing here for us anyway.” His eyes followed Wes as the turtle tied a pale blue rag around Reath’s leg, and continued. "Obviously something big happened here. We were... in storage. Either that, or...” His eyes flashed faintly. “... We were created.” He avoided their eyes, not wanting to see their reactions, and tightened the rag around his head. “But I don’t believe that. We have memories, somewhere. We have to find them. And we were stored together, we woke up together, we were put together-” He looked at them, with something like ferocity- “and that means we’ll stick together.”
Wes nodded firmly, and Ancha got to her paws, hiding her nervousness with a lash of her tail. With shaking limbs, Reath began to get to his feet, and both Pokémon helped him up. Vander gave them a half-smile, his eyes dark.
“So I say... we get moving.”
“Yeah, man!” With a grin, Wes stood by the Chameleon’s side. Ancha purred, her eyes suddenly bright with the prospect of exercise.
“Those in favour of electing Vander as leader?” she teased, as Reath gave a grunt of appreciation.
“I walk, I get my head on straight.”
The fire-tailed lizard nodded in approval and looked out across the desert. Grains of sand stung his eyes, but he blinked them away, his stare fixed on the horizon. The others gathered about him, the sun warming their skin and fur, and then together, as one, they stepped into the sand.
Results 1 to 9 of 9
Thread: Shadow End.
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12-12-2013, 05:07 PM #1*skulks*
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Shadow End.
Last edited by Tombi; 12-20-2013 at 11:34 PM.
ᴀм мᴀɴ ᴅᴀʀтнᴏɴ, ᴀ ʟιɴɴᴏɴ ɴυ ɢᴀʟᴀᴅ нᴇɴ ғιʀᴇв?//
ᴘʀᴏғɪʟᴇ\\ᴡʜʏ ᴅᴏ ɪ ʟɪɴɢᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ sɪɴɢ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜɪs ғᴀᴅɪɴɢ ᴍᴏʀᴛᴀʟ ʟɪɢʜᴛ?
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12-12-2013, 05:43 PM #2*skulks*
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Last edited by Tombi; 12-19-2013 at 09:47 PM.
ᴀм мᴀɴ ᴅᴀʀтнᴏɴ, ᴀ ʟιɴɴᴏɴ ɴυ ɢᴀʟᴀᴅ нᴇɴ ғιʀᴇв?//
ᴘʀᴏғɪʟᴇ\\ᴡʜʏ ᴅᴏ ɪ ʟɪɴɢᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ sɪɴɢ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜɪs ғᴀᴅɪɴɢ ᴍᴏʀᴛᴀʟ ʟɪɢʜᴛ?
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12-12-2013, 07:55 PM #3The Lord of Awesome
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12-12-2013, 10:17 PM #4*skulks*
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Aww :'D Thank you Caleb. I'm glad too, even if I'm just editing at the moment. Hopefully I'll get in the flow and finish this thing.
Originally Posted by XaiakuX
ᴀм мᴀɴ ᴅᴀʀтнᴏɴ, ᴀ ʟιɴɴᴏɴ ɴυ ɢᴀʟᴀᴅ нᴇɴ ғιʀᴇв?//
ᴘʀᴏғɪʟᴇ\\ᴡʜʏ ᴅᴏ ɪ ʟɪɴɢᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ sɪɴɢ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜɪs ғᴀᴅɪɴɢ ᴍᴏʀᴛᴀʟ ʟɪɢʜᴛ?
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12-19-2013, 11:44 AM #5your turn to roll
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/complete respect Originally Posted by Tombi
Before another voice from below his feet...what? xD I think it's an incomplete sentence. Originally Posted by Tombi
"was" should be "were." x) Originally Posted by Tombi
I'm not sure if Naps is meant to be walking, but the image of a beedrill walking instead of flying is amusing. xD Originally Posted by Tombi
Sorta strange that the continuing speech is on a new line. xD Originally Posted by Tombi
I'm sooooooo exciiiiiiiiiteddddd for this story to continue! 8DD I'm so happy that you decided to pick it up again (AND THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND IS MAGICAL AND RESTORED IT FROM OBLIVION) and I definitely look forward to seeing more than the three chapters we were treated to three years ago. XD It's so awesome to have something nostalgic return. It's a piece of Pe2k as well! *sobs*
I love the way you set the story out. The detail is lovely and I always agree with your choice of words. Everything is so mysterious and there are many questions. It's cool that we get to guess along with the characters as well, because then it's like we're travelling TOGETHER! *leap of joy* lel. But really, love the characters so far and I'm looking forward to Lorcan and...aaaannndd...aaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnddddddddd ddddddd. FFF. I forgot her name. >:z She was cute and little and a rattata. xD (OhwowIjustrealisedshe'sinthesecondpost.) TANIE. YES.
Anywho, I reeeeeally hope you can get that plan restored so that we can find out what happens! 8D That plan you described sounds amazing and I have no doubts that Shadow End will be an enjoyable and exciting story to the end. To the... shadow...end... hahaha...haha. xD
YOU KNOW I'LL BE READING MORE WHEN MORE COMES OUT! <3
~SF.
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12-19-2013, 08:35 PM #6*skulks*
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I love you, Xanthe, because you're basically the proofreader I totally lack because I clearly CANNOT DO IT MYSELF. XDD
<3 Originally Posted by Suicune's Fire
Oh god nO *RUNS TO FIX* Originally Posted by Suicune's Fire
So it should. ;-; Originally Posted by Suicune's Fire
Now that you mention it I don't even think their spindly legs and feet could support their overall body weight. ._. Maybe I should change that.. xD Originally Posted by Suicune's Fire
I'll take a look and fix it xD You're probably right! Originally Posted by Suicune's Fire
Aaahh thank you~! I have no idea how he did it ._. He managed to find other threads as well and it's just... ugh. So nostalgic. ;___; Originally Posted by Suicune's Fire
Yeah, that's why I wanted to do it! Poor PE2K </3 I like to hold on to things xD And I've always wanted to finish this!
*wiggle* :'D Thank you! I always like to try to exactly describe what I see in my head. Originally Posted by Suicune's Fire
And yeah, mystery 8D just hope I'll be able to answer those questions properly and fully and not confuse any readers xD But hey, I'll only know through writing...
YES TANIE. I love Tanie. ;w; I'm really looking forward to writing her again.
ME TOO. If not, I'll just have to try to rewrite it and hope it all comes flooding back. That isn't something I'm pinning much hope on though haha. Originally Posted by Suicune's Fire
WELL I APPRECIATE THAT VERY MUCH LIL' MISSY. <3 I'd better get cracking on fixing the first chapter and getting the second one up then, hadn't I? ;DDᴀм мᴀɴ ᴅᴀʀтнᴏɴ, ᴀ ʟιɴɴᴏɴ ɴυ ɢᴀʟᴀᴅ нᴇɴ ғιʀᴇв?//
ᴘʀᴏғɪʟᴇ\\ᴡʜʏ ᴅᴏ ɪ ʟɪɴɢᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ sɪɴɢ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜɪs ғᴀᴅɪɴɢ ᴍᴏʀᴛᴀʟ ʟɪɢʜᴛ?
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12-19-2013, 09:33 PM #7*skulks*
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Thanks to TotodileHop24 of PE2K for the image!
...
...
...
Command Confirmed. Containment Time Expired.
Container Draining.
Container Draining.
Container Draining.
Beep... beep... beep...
...
Was this... life...?
I could feel... nothing. Looking back, I believe I was numb- practically brain-dead- but back then, I didn’t think that. I couldn’t feel that. I suppose it must’ve been as if my nerves had been cut, like my plug had been pulled. I didn’t feel numb. I didn’t feel brain-dead.
I didn’t feel.
There was no air at first, along with the blackness. Soon, as if water was beginning to swirl inside my head, I began to regain consciousness. My very eyes throbbed behind their lids. The darkness seemed to move in violent repeated swirls as a dull ache began to grow and grow and grow, like some vile tumour inside my own skull.
My own skull? I...
Container Opening.
My vision was completely blurred. Vaguely, and with faint interest, I became aware of my own body. I was curled slightly, and I seemed to be covered in a sort of thick liquid. My ears, unused to sound, twitched ever so slightly as the whoosh of the door sent stale air over my drenched fur. As my stiff eyelids blinked, I began to notice that I... was floating.
Cleaning Initiated.
Was that... a... human?
I didn’t know... it hurt to think. My body, hypersensitive after its gradual awakening, jolted a little as fine sprays of water jetted from every direction. My fur clung to my frame further as the goo was diluted. With dreamy eyes, I watched it drain away.
Cleaning Complete. Subject Released.
Black wires, attached to my body by suckers, relinquished their grip as gravity seemed to come back into play. With a lurch, and an unfamiliar churn of my stomach, I fell forwards without the power to keep myself up, and fell with a thud onto...
...
The... floor.
Seconds passed, and then minutes. I lay there, without a sense of self or being, my body protesting feebly at the sudden exercise. Again, my eyes opened, but the neon glow of the room was painful to take in. I grunted into the smooth flooring, feeling it scrape away slightly beneath my claws as I pushed myself up a little. Everything was still blurry, but bright. I could see squares of blue, rectangles of purple and green and yellow and pink. They left little trails of light when I moved my head.
It hurt so much.
After a while, I got to my feet. I felt like a member of the undead. Perhaps I was, I thought, as things began to focus. I could see that there were no humans in the room. The voice had been too robotic, anyway. What were those things the humans had? The machines that did things for them? There were several of them, anyway, all with their wicked blue screens staring at me with malicious grins. My skin crawled, and I shivered. My spine beginning to register feeling again, I looked around my prison until my eyes fell upon a door. It was open, so perhaps I wasn’t a prisoner after all. My wet fur tingling with freedom, I began to walk slowly and stiffly towards the exit, ignoring the containers all around me. Occasionally I stopped to stare vaguely at a sheet of paper that had gotten stuck to my wet foot, but after bending cautiously to remove the offending item, I continued to the doorway, and the stairs beyond.
Think... think... think...
With every step I took, I felt my senses return. I could smell the musty room and how old and abandoned it was. I could feel my fur begin to rise from my skin a little as it dried. The staircase was hot, yet shut off at the top. My eyes squinted a little at the lines of golden light that connected to make a square. Was it a trapdoor?
Without really thinking about it, I allowed my arms to stretch up, to push. Before I realised what I was doing, before my eyes had focused, I was surrounded by burning heat. My clawed feet touched tiles.
Oddly, I knew the light and heat was the sun, even though my body ached and whined with sadness, emptiness. I couldn’t remember anything, though I squeezed my spongy brain, trying to claim a piece of myself. Who was I? What was I?
I was dizzy, that’s what I was...
I felt my fur ripple slightly, and looked down at myself as tiny specks of yellow sand buried themselves into me. I was white, with a jagged orange shape on my stomach. I observed my small feet, and then raised my arms, my eyes running lazily over them. They were heavy, half white and half orange, and my claws were sharp and grey as steel. My pointed ears twitched, and for the very first time, I realised I had a tail. Moving it felt strange and I desisted almost immediately- and then felt an overwhelming sense of sorrow. Whatever had happened to me, it had robbed me of myself. Of whoever I had been.
Sadly, I let my gaze rise, and trail across the sand and the desecrated technology. There wasn’t a soul around. I was alone, standing there in the middle of the forlorn building foundations, and felt nothing.
I let my gaze drop.
The wind was a monotone sound, soulless, lifeless...
---
I’m not aware of how long I sat there. It was long enough for my fur to collect an insulator-layer of sand, on the side where my body met the wind. It wasn’t exactly cold at night, but I witnessed a couple of them and I was uncomfortable throughout them both, and the fact that I wasn’t yet hungry made me a little nervous. I wasn’t tired, either, or dehydrated. I convinced myself gradually that it was just an after effect, but knowing this made me dread the moment when all my weariness, hunger and desire for water would suddenly come to me all at once.
Had there been others like me? Had they woken, too, in eerie rooms with a humanoid voice with nothing surrounding them but cables and the loudest silence they’d ever heard? Did they panic? Did they feel deadened, like me? Could they remember anything? Did they know why they were here?
And thinking of these things made me remember, with a rush of stinging in my eyes, the smell of forests and the feel of a carpet of pine needles beneath my feet. I remembered freshness that would enervate my body, make me stand taller, my pelt gleaming beneath the sun that didn’t burn me. I remembered the feeling of someone standing beside me with a presence of immeasurable safety. The feel of someone’s hand on my head, making one of my ears bend to the side, and the sound of laughter. How proud I felt.
Me.
There were still no signs of life. Eventually the whooshing of the wind started to irk me and I pulled my knees up close to my chest, pushing myself to my feet with a clawed paw. My legs and back were stiff as a tree trunk- my reprisal for sitting as long as I did. Shoulders hunched, I began to walk again, aimless, lifeless.
As I paced, my thoughts did also. Things were returning to me, gradually... things like names, a few blurred faces. I knew that there had been somebody who had been close to me, someone like family. I couldn’t remember their face. I could just feel it swimming just out of reach. It was blurred, faint, in the darkness.
I’d just have to wait.
Keep pacing, keep pacing.
All around me were scattered pieces of paper, obviously holding human information that would give me clues as to where I was- but I couldn’t read them. It was just a jumble of symbols that wavered slightly beneath my desperate gaze. Knowing that answers were fluttering beneath my feet, spiralling past my body, whirling above my head... it made me angry.
I could feel anger.
The red hot feeling, bubbling at first, started to boil as I tried to grasp the sounds in my head that were trying to form my name. I had a name, I knew I had a name, and as I paced and kicked and growled and slashed, it taunted me with its cruel indifference. I felt I deserved to know it, after all of this. I wanted a piece of myself; I WANTED something for my own. I just had nothing. It’d all been taken from me, and I didn’t know why.
...
“Luh..”
The tension left my body as I stopped, my gaze resting on the floor. I could feel it. My identity was tiptoeing its way inside me, so delicately, with liquid eyes that burned with encouragement, and as the sounds rose up my throat, it was the most beautiful...
“Lorcan.”
The most beautiful thing.
Skf. Skf. Skf.
My head turned so rapidly that my neck cracked, and my stomach jolted with sickening shock. As my amber gaze fell upon the creature that was exploring a few yards from me, though, I let my guard lower slightly. It was small, purple and whiskered, and it ferreted amongst the debris like it didn’t have a care in the world. I eyed its curled tail and large front tooth, and wondered how, with ears that size, it hadn’t heard me utter my name.
Skf. Skf. Skf.
I wanted it to notice me, but I didn’t want to be dumb enough to approach it. It could be a trap of some sort, I mused, still staring as its small nose nudged at a brick. The rose-coloured eyes blinked rapidly as a stone tumbled off of it with a small clatter onto the tiles.
Totally oblivious.
I stepped forward once and with almost-painful speed, the Rattata’s body and neck stiffened, and it looked over at me with eyes huge in shock. I remained still, the thick fur on my shoulders bristling a little, and waited for it to run. It didn’t. Instead it just stared back at me, and we stood, yards apart, our eyes locked in a stare-down with sand whistling between us. Automatically, my body was tensing into a fighting stance, and I could feel a tingling in my palms that made my claws twitch. It was still staring at me, and I could tell by its expression that it was deliberating whether or not to say something. It took several more seconds for it to.
“What’s your name?”
The voice confirmed it was a girl. That’s what I had thought, and the innocence in her tone made me relax slightly, though I wasn't yet convinced that something more threatening wasn't about to leap out. Her tail quivered as I raised an arm to scratch the back of my neck, my voice coming out deep and fluid.
“Lorcan.”
“I’m Tanie,” she replied nervously, her whiskers twitching quickly and her paws shuffling anxiously. “Um, are you with the others?”
The others? It was like a fire had been lit in my belly. My eyes opened wider and I stepped several paces closer without even realising it, my ears standing straight and high. She regarded me with wariness.
“There’s more?” I asked hoarsely, imagining other Zangoose, other creatures like me- ones that had been stripped of themselves and left here to do nothing but rot. The Rattata was nodding, and the flames in my stomach spread to my whole body, infecting me with a wild hope. My electrified silence pressed her on.
“I woke up in a room and I could hear voices,” she began, her head tilted a little as she watched my reaction. “There were Pokémon there... and they were talking about how to get out. I tried to call them, but...” she quivered a little. “My voice wouldn’t work. And then everything kept going dark, and when I could speak, they were gone and there was a big open square in the ceiling.”
My mind was racing, my body unable to remain still. There had been others, who had escaped from a room just like I had. I must’ve missed them by... maybe minutes? Before the fury and sadness could take hold, I dragged my attention back to the purple Pokémon.
“When was this?”
Tanie’s eyes dropped a little as she thought about it, and then she looked at me anxiously.
“I think it was two or three days ago. I couldn’t move for a long time, I was too tired.” She paused. “... Lorcan..?”
My tail curled around me as I hit the floor with a thud, my paws pressed to my eyes and head tilted to my knees. My heart beat with hard throbs against my chest as I tried to hold in the emotion that was trying to spill out. I didn’t hear her approach, but Tanie was suddenly next to me, her small paws on my arm and her nose tilted up to my cheek.
“Lorcan?” she said again, and I realised through the haze of sickening sadness that she probably wanted someone just as much as I did. She had been even closer to them than I had been, unable to call out, unable to move...
I raised my head, stars swirling in front of my eyes, and looked at her. She looked troubled, yet trusting. She had come to me startlingly quickly. If she had decided I was no threat, then I had to repay that. Pulling strength and muster from the tips of every strand of fur, I gave her a half smile, and stood up again. She sat up on her haunches and watched me as I dusted down my fur and turned my gaze again to the desert.
So, they were out there. If only I had left straight away... but I couldn’t think about that. I’d drive myself crazy, and I needed to keep whatever true parts of myself I had. I had my name. I had my emotions. I’d have to guard them, as well as I possibly could.
“Do you think they’ve gone that way?” Tanie was gazing the same direction I was. I heaved a silent sigh, scratching my arm slowly. The horizon looked dead, but beyond that... there could be life. Instead of answering her, I just began to walk, focusing on the feel of the transition between tiles and sand and keeping my gaze fixed on that endless line. The scampering of little paws behind me told me that she was following, and part of me felt glad.
I wouldn’t be alone anymore.
---
It was an evening that hummed with fireflies. The sun was huge and still persistently peering over the horizon, casting its long orange gaze over the earth and infusing everything with warmth. A boy sat, his long shorts and t-shirt dyed by the fiery orb, his brown hair ruffled and tanned skin sprinkled with freckles that spoke of long summer nights and lazy days by the river. His faded backpack was open, lying on its back, and his favourite things were scattered in the grass- the largest of which was a Pokémon of white-and-orange, arms behind its head, eyes closed under the pink sky. It was thinking about the day they’d had together. It was the first time they had relaxed in so long. There hadn’t been any battles, and it was grateful, but if there had been reason to fight, it would’ve done so without a moment’s thought. It would’ve done whatever he said.
They were best friends, after all.
“Lorcan... do you think there’s an afterlife?”
The boy’s voice was cheerful, relaxed, and had the tone that a child has when it has had a life of nothing but adoration. His eyes of warm chocolate rested on the Pokémon as his slim, brown fingers played with the grass. The Zangoose’s amber eyes opened and they glowed orange in the light. Not speaking, it turned its head in the grass and looked at its trainer. The boy’s face was graced with a smile.
“I like to think that this will all be over soon, and we can go on living like we do,” he said, and his words seemed to harmonise with the crickets all around them. “But I know you’re in danger, and I like to think that whatever happens...” He leant back on his hands and threw out his legs, raising his face to the watercolour sky. “We’ll be together again someday.”
“...”
The Zangoose kept his eyes on his trainer for a few long seconds, before looking back up to the dotted stars. They both stayed that way, their bodies contained in the same moment by the feel of the grass, the trailing lights of the fireflies, the blurred glow of the sun, and they cherished it. The scent of pine...
“Yeah? You’ll always be by my side, Lorcan. I won’t let it happen to you. Not again.”
Not again.
Not...
The sand was colder now. I’d barely been registering where I’d been staggering. The occasional squeak told me that Tanie was keeping up, but she was slipping in the grains as the desert grew deeper. She was falling behind. I didn’t slow down or relent, too busy trying to haul my memories back inside my mind where they belonged. My heart was beating so fast that I thought I may throw up. I knew his face, now. My trainer, my best friend, the one I had spent those summer days with. There was no hum of fireflies here, no caressing glow, no scent of pine and adventure. It was dark, and it was cold, and the spark in my heart had died as suddenly as it had sprung. A dead firework.
His name...
“Lorcan,” whimpered the Rattata behind me as she floundered in the deep sand. “C-Can you slow down? Are you okay?”
I lurched to a stop, the sand swallowing my legs up to my knees. My arms and shoulders were held so tensely that they were starting to moan in protest. It was a few more seconds before I realised the speed of which my chest was rising and falling. I heard Tanie mewl a little as she tried to pull herself out of the depths, her legs trapped, grains stuck to her whiskers and ears. We had been walking for hours, and yet she had only just asked me to stop. I looked at her, and she looked back with nothing but anxiety.
Anxiety for me.
“...”
Sand slipped in disturbed ripples as I made my way to her, my fur shaking off clumps. She looked up at me with scared eyes as I reached her helpless form, and I had the urge to lift her out of the sand- but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to, because I knew that if I did, I’d put someone else’s problems on my shoulders as well as my own- and I’d have done it by choice. I didn’t want responsibility. Not yet.
I turned my back, and offered her my tail. She scrabbled onto it, hauling herself out of the sand, climbing up the fur on my back and finally flopping with her head besides mine. Her tiny heart was beating twice as fast as my own. How long had I been charging on without a second thought?
“C’mon,” I muttered, starting to walk again, now pushing my legs through the silver sand. My eyes were stinging, but not from the grains.
---
...
“Don’t... don’t you... LORCAN! NO! NOOO!”
...
“DON’T TAKE HIM! DON’T TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME, STOP IT-”
...
“LET GO OF ME! LET GO OF ME! LORCAN!!”
...
“I WON’T LET- I PROMISED HIM, I PROMISED- NO... no... no...”
...
“Take... take me instead...”
...
“I... Lorcan... I’m sorry...”
---
Tanie had a curiosity for life that I found fascinating. After I admitted defeat and eventually stopped for the rest of the night, she still roamed about the sand, poking everything that seemed unusual. The only blemishes on the landscape seemed to be small stones and bits of rock, yet her eyes were bright with inquisition, and she occasionally brought me ‘interesting’ things to look at with an eager expression on her face. I didn’t respond to her particularly well, though my mood lifted as the sun rose. The screams of my best friend hadn’t served for a good night.
I sighed. I regarded him as my best friend, yet I knew nothing of him except the sound of his voice and the way he had smiled at me. Everything was lost, and I wasn’t sure how to regain it. As my eyes followed the distant shape of the Rattata, I wondered if I should ask her if she could remember where she came from. Didn’t Rattata often live in large groups, or families? Or at least in forests abundant with life and other creatures. I only knew of one person I’d had. What did she feel, knowing she could have been part of a huge family?
With vague interest, I watched as Tanie eventually meandered her way back to me. As she drew near, however, I could tell that something was different. She wasn’t carrying a stone. The fur prickled on the back of my neck as I caught sight of her expression, and the length of rope she was carrying. Her eyes were round with fear.
“Lorcan,” she whispered as the rough rope left her mouth and hit the sand. All thoughts of asking her about her family forgotten, I pulled it near to me and examined it. It had obviously been bitten and clawed at, and the ends were severely frayed. My eyebrows knitting slightly, I looked up at her.
“Was it buried?” I asked, but she was trembling.
“No, it was on the top of the sand. Lorcan, there was blood-”
I stood, and without a word, Tanie picked up the rope again, turned, and started to go back to the spot where she had found it. I followed her, squinting slightly as the light started to return to the desert. Several yards onwards, the sun’s rays fell upon crimson sand. The colours gleamed prominently beneath my silent gaze as I stood surrounded by spots of blood.
“Tanie... where was the rope...?”
She looked up at me, and then dropped it beside my foot. I tried violently to suppress a shiver as the screams of my trainer started to echo in my ears again.
“DON’T TAKE HIM! DON’T TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME, STOP IT-”
I shook my head.
“... We should move.”
...
“Take... take me instead...”Last edited by Tombi; 12-22-2013 at 07:24 PM.
ᴀм мᴀɴ ᴅᴀʀтнᴏɴ, ᴀ ʟιɴɴᴏɴ ɴυ ɢᴀʟᴀᴅ нᴇɴ ғιʀᴇв?//
ᴘʀᴏғɪʟᴇ\\ᴡʜʏ ᴅᴏ ɪ ʟɪɴɢᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ sɪɴɢ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜɪs ғᴀᴅɪɴɢ ᴍᴏʀᴛᴀʟ ʟɪɢʜᴛ?
-
12-21-2013, 12:06 AM #8*skulks*
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The mountain stood to the north. ‘Mountain’ here is a term to be taken loosely, as the structure of it was indeed very loose. It spilled out sideways in a mass of craggy ledges and arched around the dry deserts of the entire region, holding them in a stern, cold embrace. It felt evil.
It overlooked everything, and saw everything. It had harboured many things in its seemingly-endless lifetime, most of them dark and tabooed, and lately it had been no different. It was so impressively vast that two separate bodies of work could be doing extremely noisy and dangerous things in the various caves and hollows and neither would be any the wiser to the other’s existence. It sat with a chilly indifference. It sat as a guardian for those inside its walls.
The weather up here was different, and that was the first thing she noticed. This massive accumulation of rock and granite seemed to be some sort of defence against the sun itself, and instead of the golden warmth the desert held, it was covered in a sort of stormy light that complemented the winds that howled faintly in her pointed ears. It was cold, unlike the sand she’d eagerly left behind her as she’d started to half-walk, half-climb up the rocky surface. This enthusiasm quickly left her, however- the skies were different, and they worried her. Nevertheless, she kept going. Anything had to be better than the lab she’d left behind. Upon thinking about it, she realised the only reason she was climbing was because of all of the malignant things she’d seen down below- the place she’d awoken in, the destruction up above, and then that huge building she’d passed... the building that was in an even worse state of disrepair than even the lab. It was nestled quite close to the mountain and half of it was blown away. Her amber eyes had lowered and her clawed feet had sped up, stumbling in the sand.
Despite having started out on a very gentle slope, her breaths were starting to get louder in her ears, and her legs were beginning to hurt as she climbed and climbed and climbed. It took more and more effort with each step, and she could feel her muscles burn along with her throat. Her hooked silver claws, glinting in the evil light, helped her along as she dragged herself up the mountain face, but they were aching before she even reached a quarter of the way up. As her slender arms began to give out, she gripped a wide ledge and hauled herself, shaking, onto it. Heart thudding against the cold floor, she decided to wait until her breath returned to her lungs, and lay there with the storm in her ears.
“Huff... huff... huff...”
Her pulse ticked in her eyelids. She was so tired that she felt she could lay there and die- but then what would become of the things she had learned? Indeed, in her weary trek across the desert, she had found that her memories had returned to her quite easily considering she’d been nothing but a shell when she had awoken in that eerie, glowing room. Let’s see...
She opened her eyes. Everything was blurry, dark and moved ceaselessly. What could she remember? Well, she thought, she could remember her name. Her name was Fein. She remembered a female Sneasel- her mother, probably- saying it to her, and smiling. She remembered saying it herself, in a voice that was free and innocent and full of warm life. Fein. Like rain. She’d always liked the rain. Liked the way it made her dark pelt even darker, and how it fringed her vision when it got stuck to the fur around her eyes. It used to make her giggle. Maybe that’s why she felt better on a storm-held mountain than a desert. Maybe that’s why she’d walked towards it, brain throbbing and heart beating with every step.
She moved her arms, and they hurt. She gazed lifelessly at her funny slanted view, looking at the now-diagonal edge of the ledge and the sprawling desert so far below, in the distance.
She could remember... being taken to the lab. She could remember the smell of fear and other Pokémon, trapped in those small boxes. She could remember how, for days, all she’d seen was darkness, and all she’d heard was the muffled whimpers of the creatures around her, and all she’d felt was the jolt of the disgusting human vehicles they’d been transported in. Their captors had shown their faces eventually by taking the lids off of the boxes, their ugly faces looming over them, and then, blinking in the sudden and painful light, with empty bellies and raw throats, they’d found themselves tipped into more cages, boxes, prisons. These ones had bars.
She remembered how cold they’d felt clenched in her fists.
“Hn..”
Her legs felt numb... and the claws on her feet felt frayed and sore. Probably from scrabbling against the rock on her way up, she thought idly, as her feather-like tail grazed across her upper back. With enormous effort, she rolled over and gazed upwards at the purple sky. It looked so angry. Maybe it WAS angry. Angry at everything that had happened beneath its starry gaze. Huh...
Shadow Pokémon Project
Memo #12
All Shadow Pokémon from Batch 19 to be exported to clients.
She remembered how she could read human.
Shadow Pokémon Project
Memo #17
All Shadow Pokémon from Batch 24 to be kept for CIPHER ADMINS ONLY.
SALAMENCE DRAPION PINSIR MANECTRIC ALAKAZAM GRANBULL
She remembered who had taken them there, and what had been planned. Cipher. Those humans in the white armour and helmets with dark visors had swarmed that laboratory. They, the Pokémon, were going to ‘have their hearts closed’. But... as she’d screwed the paper up in her fist and tossed it back onto the sandy tiles, she’d thought... she’d thought...
She wasn’t Shadow.
She wasn’t a Shadow Pokémon.
So... that was the thought that kept her occupied that night. Cipher had, at least, fallen.
And she was alive.
---
The morning dawned, cold and bright. Her limbs stiff from being curled-up for hours, Fein awoke with foggy vision and an aching body, and a stomach that growled its complaint. All around her was silence, and her hunger made the only noises for miles as she managed to get to her feet. The breeze in her fur felt good, and though it hurt when she stretched, the pain eventually melted into a warm feeling that made her sigh as she relaxed. She still wasn’t entirely sure what to do, though the more she thought about it, the more obvious her choices became. She could either go back down to the dry desert to walk and walk and walk, or she could keep climbing. Take it slowly this time. She had several hours of daylight in which to pace herself. Hm.
Click... click click click...
Fein’s pointed crimson ear twitched and she turned slightly towards the sound, amber eyes flashing. Following the small stone that had bounced down the cliff face onto her ledge was a smattering of loose dirt, and then several more pebbles that made a soft scattering noise in the quiet. She peered upwards, staring at the jagged monument that stabbed the sky, one eye squinting slightly as she searched for the source of movement.
Nothing. Hm.
THUD.
A sharp pain in her skull told her that a rock had just crashed into her cranium. Fein let out a yelp of pain and rubbed her head rapidly, teeth gritted, as she gave the mountain an extra-ferocious glare of death- but then stopped, narrowed eyes widening again. Either the stupid oversized pile of stone was laughing at her, or... she could hear muffled voices. That is, she guessed they were voices... it’d been so long since she’d heard one...
Her ear gave another twitch as she looked left and then right, and then suddenly, as if deciding on the spot, she walked determinedly at the mountain and gripped the rough wall with her hooked claws. The gathering of strength was visible in her face before she pulled herself up, scraped her feet against the stone for a hold, paused, and then started to climb.
---
Several feet above Fein was a cave that used to be known to the humans in the cities of Orre as the ‘Cave Pokéspot’. Apparently it was the only place in the whole of land that wild Pokémon appeared, and that was when they were lured there by food left by hopeful trainers. However, wild Pokémon hadn’t been to the Pokéspots for a long time. Not since the humans left. The desert was the only place to find them now.
Though that isn’t to say it wasn’t occupied. Down the dark tunnel was a large stone clearing, adorned with stalagmites and stalactites and lit always by fireflies, and inside, at the moment, was a Pokémon. The flickering flame on the end of its tail gave the cavern an earthy, volcanic glow, and threw its orange fur into sharp relief. Arched around its dark eyes was an azure mask- an odd colour on the monkey-like creature, though there was an odder colour around it. Glowing from its very skin was a purple haze, very faint, but still noticeable, and it gave the entire Monferno a slightly darker colouring than what was natural. It twitched. At the moment it wasn’t making a sound; it was merely stretched out on the floor and listening to the drops of water that echoed somewhere in the distance. Feldas was alone, and he was savouring the precious silence.
As he lay there, eyes closed, he went over things in his mind. It had been a few weeks since most of the organisation had left the cave. It was too small for the amount of Pokémon that were getting involved in the plan. He believed Pyrite had been their destination, what with their desire to speed up the Shadow processes and their growing numbers of captured fools, but it had been such a long time since he’d heard anything... and being stuck here with those two...
Ugh.
Before everybody had left, he’d been told to stay here and keep the Cave as a base. Apparently, extra prisoners were to be brought here for storage whenever they were captured in the desert- but Feldas had seen nothing. No movement. Nobody in the desert. Nothing.
He was perhaps starting to go a little mad with boredom.
---
“I told yeh we’d see nothin’.”
“Shut up, Gorigan.”
Pebbles and dirt were scattered over the edge of the mountain path as two Pokémon made their slow way up it. A lumbering tortoise-like creature, with green skin and a golden shell sprouting shrubs, made a sulky grunting noise as he hauled himself along on legs like tree stumps. As he glared at the back of his companion, the violet aura around his body seemed to grow brighter.
“Well, I did tell yeh, and yeh di’n’t listen to me, and we ended up wastin’ our time again-”
“I told you to shut up, Gorigan,” the other Pokémon hissed, stopping in its path for a few seconds to compose itself. As it started again, the dull blue flippers hanging by its body seemed to tense, and like the Grotle behind it, its aura started to glow brighter as its anger flared.
“Well I ain’t listenin’ to yeh, Jomas.” The Grotle’s voice was starting to rise, and pent-up annoyance began to show through his face. “Feldas was left in charge o’ this, an’ I’ll listen to Feldas and I ain’t listenin’ to yeh anymore, so yeh can shut yer beak, yeh stupid penguin!”
There was another scattering of pebbles as Jomas turned violently on the spot. The Prinplup’s aura flashed malevolently as he eyed Gorigan with rising disdain. “You chose to come with me and not stay with Feldas,” he snapped, his eyes gleaming like two chips of ice. “You also were curious, you stupid beast, you also wanted to see if anyone had come near the mountain or desert!”
“But nobody has, have they?” Gorigan roared, and he rose back on his hind legs, and he fell again with a thud that made the ledge tremble. Something down below shouted, but neither of them heard. “Everyone’s forgotten abou’ us, an’ we’ve been left here for dead!”
“I don’t blame them for leaving you,” Jomas snarled quietly, taking a few threatening steps towards Gorigan with eyes dark with fury. “If I didn’t know you were probably stupid enough to topple off of this godforsaken mountain of your own accord, I’d take the trouble to throw you off myself-“
“ARE YOU STARTIN’ SOMETHIN’, JOMAS?”
“You ridiculous great tortoise, you started this yourself.”
“DON’ YOU TURN AWAY FROM M-”
The blue penguin, his body half-turned away from Gorigan, stopped as the tortoise did. Both were suddenly alert, stiff not from anger but from surprise. Scratching noises and the sound of heavy breathing could be heard a few metres below their feet.
“Hush,” Jomas hissed the instant Gorigan opened his mouth. Disgruntled, the Grotle stepped away from the ledge as the Prinplup approached it. Heart beating beneath his feathers, he peered over the edge, to see a Sneasel with a look of pure desperation on her face, hanging by her claws.
---
Every muscle in Fein’s body had screamed in protest, but she hadn’t slowed down or stopped, even when it became obvious that Pokémon were above her. Without any regards for her safety she continued to haul herself up, panting, her heart giving a horrific twist when the mountain seemed to shake suddenly against her small body. She’d shouted, but she wasn’t sure if she’d been heard.
She was only positive that they knew she was there when she came face-to-face with a Prinplup with a purple glow.
“Ah,” was all she could manage, before her aching arms were seized by flippers and she was lifted with surprising strength and thrown like a ragdoll onto the mountain path. She skidded slightly in the dirt and lay there, gasping for breath, before sitting up and pulling herself to her feet. In front of her was a penguin with a face full of incredulity, and a dumbstruck, slightly slack-jawed Grotle. Her eyes darted between both of them, the breeze running through her fur, her arms slowly rising into a fighting stance.
“Don’t think of attacking,” the Prinplup said softly, his eyes glued to hers. Fein thought this was a rather hypocritical statement, as she could tell by the way his body was positioned that he was ready to lunge at a moment’s notice. “There are three of us, and one of you.”
Three? A brisk look up and down the path told Fein all she needed to know.
“Two,” she said, her voice steady. “Apparently, you can’t count.”
“Three,” the Prinplup went on smoothly. “Now, you either tell us where you came from, or we throw you off the edge. I can tell you aren’t an Aura.”
“Aura?” Fein repeated, before her eyes widened a little in recognition. Aura... Shadow. Memories began to flood into her brain and she had to concentrate hard as the Prinplup began to speak again.
“What’s your name?”
“Name?” Fein repeated distractedly, her eyes out of focus and eyebrows arched downwards. Cipher... Shadow... Aura... Hearts...
“Yes, your name,” the Prinplup snarled impatiently. “Surely you aren’t that thick, girl?”
“You’re Shadow Pokémon.”
Apparently this wasn’t the answer that was expected. The Grotle began to growl low in his throat, and both of the strangers stepped closer. Fein growled back slightly in reply, unsure.
“So what if we’re Shadow Pokémon?” The penguin’s expression was turning seriously nasty, Fein realised, and her heart sank as she felt her back hit rock. She swallowed.
“My name is Fein.” She sounded braver than expected, her voice strong and level. “What are your names?”
“You don’ need to know,” the Grotle began with a threatening look, but the Prinplup silenced him. He stared at her, this Sneasel with defiant eyes. She looked worn, and he could see confusion there, somewhere. However, he couldn’t allow letting his guard down.
“My name is Jomas.” A gesture of a flipper. “He’s Gorigan. Where do you come from?”
Apparently co-operating made things easier. “I don’t know,” she replied, choosing her words carefully from amongst the crowd of things inside her mind. “I woke up in the lab, in the desert.”
“You were in storage.” Jomas nodded, and then looked at her expectantly, as if waiting for her to continue. Fein stared at him.
“How do you know?”
“Because we all were,” he replied impatiently, beginning to pace a little. “We all came from the laboratory, that’s where Cipher operated at one point in its career.”
“All?” Fein’s heart began to beat faster. She wasn’t the only one! Well, she had kind of known that, but... to hear it from someone else’s beak...
Gorigan was staring between them, dumbfounded. Jomas finally drew to a halt and faced her, his brain working rapidly. “You are clueless.” It was said more to himself than to her. Fein’s eyes narrowed slightly, but she didn’t speak. “You know of what was to happen to you?”
“They were to turn me Shadow,” Fein snarled at him, anger rising out of nowhere.
“Yes. If you wish we can complete the cycle for you.”
What?
Horror of some sickening form began to bubble in her stomach as Fein gazed at the two Pokémon in front of her. They looked strong, she realised… stronger than they should. The violet auras surrounding them made their eyes demonically unnatural. She wasn’t dealing with normal Pokémon, she was dealing with creatures who had had their hearts closed. Fighting machines. That’s what they had been made to be... her eyes lowered to the floor...
“You are... a dual type, are you not?”
Her heart was thumping wildly. These Pokémon wanted to be Shadow, wanted her to be Shadow... she was nodding without even realising... sneers passed Jomas and Gorigan’s faces at her answer...
“We can fix that for you. Shadow is the ultimate type. We can make your blood pure... not a filthy mutant mix.”
She looked up at them again. Jomas was smirking, Gorigan looking dumbly triumphant. She barely realised she was trembling.
“We are Team Darkspace. Follow us.”ᴀм мᴀɴ ᴅᴀʀтнᴏɴ, ᴀ ʟιɴɴᴏɴ ɴυ ɢᴀʟᴀᴅ нᴇɴ ғιʀᴇв?//
ᴘʀᴏғɪʟᴇ\\ᴡʜʏ ᴅᴏ ɪ ʟɪɴɢᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ sɪɴɢ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜɪs ғᴀᴅɪɴɢ ᴍᴏʀᴛᴀʟ ʟɪɢʜᴛ?
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12-22-2013, 02:31 PM #9your turn to roll
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- Feb 2013
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xD I totally know the feeling. You're NEVER your own best proof-reader. xD And by "Your" I mean everyone. xD ...And by that I mean that everyone is not their own best proof reader--not you are never anyone's best proof reader...you know what, Imma stop typing on this subject. xD
Wow, how did he even find them? XD It would be handy if I had access to my Through the Eyes of a Flareon thread because those were all properly formatted for forum posting and all. ;A; I have deviantart to get them off at least, and those are only minor edits I'd need to make. xD /stops making it about me
And I'm sure you'll be able to answer our questions perfectly! 8D You're a great writer so I have no doubt. AND YOU'LL MAKE IT SUPER INTERESTING IN THE MEANTIME!
Yay Tanie. <3
Whell, here's the next chapter's review! I intend to read the third chapter before I go to sleep tonight but I'll post my feedback for chapter two now just in case I don't finish three before I crash. xD
IT WAS COMPLETE BLURRED. Originally Posted by Tombi
Originally Posted by Tombi
Originally Posted by Tombi
Originally Posted by Tombi
Originally Posted by Tombi
Considering it kept repeating, I wasn't sure if the non-separating of those paragraphs was intentional or not. Considering you had a lot of other things on their own, in separate paragraphs (like small sentences), I assumed it was a simple editing error. If I'm wrong and they're not meant to be spaced out like the other paragraphs, tell me so I don't keep repeating this. XD Originally Posted by Tombi
THOSE ARE ALL THE ERRORS I SPOTTED THOUGH SO BE HAPPY! 8D Anyways, I remember this chapter and it's as awesome as it was the first time. c: I love how cute and innocent Tanie is and it makes me wonder just what happened in order for that nasty shadowiness to fail its job. I haven't read chapter three yet as I write this, although I DO recall shadow pokemon in the original third chapter if I'm remembering it right, so I guess I'll get answers in a few minutes when I start reading it. XD But anyway, it's funny that Team Snagem (presuming this is their work) would capture a rattata like her and think themselves to be so evil and powerful... It's like:
Spoiler:
Anyway, I found it interesting that you introduced seemingly the main character in the second chapter. And he also learns things fast, like remembering his best friend. I really wonder what the heck happened with those two and how Lorcan ended up separated from him. :C And what Lorcan said about Tanie was interesting. About her large family/pack thing. I mean, if she could have been a part of many rattata, I wonder what sort of situations the others could possibly be in. I mean, haha, you could have been about to cure some massive disease in your pack and then you were suddenly captured... xD Many possibilities, anyhow.
One thing that really stuck to me about when Lorcan was first looking around/beginning to explore was this:
The idea that the answers ARE JUST THERE...and he can't reach them. Literally under his nose, and he's aware of it, yet still out of reach. Man that would be painful, and so very taunting. Cruel. =/ I liked how that led into him feeling emotion though. That's ONE good thing to come of those wretched papers. xDAll around me were scattered pieces of paper, obviously holding human information that would give me clues as to where I was- but I couldn’t read them. It was just a jumble of symbols that wavered slightly beneath my desperate gaze. Knowing that answers were fluttering beneath my feet, spiralling past my body, whirling above my head... it made me angry.
It's nice how he and Tanie are travelling together now. I would definitely want a companion early on in that journey, especially if you don't know where the crap you're going or what you should be searching for. And, of course, it would get incredibly lonely. =/ Good thing Tanie found him as well as him finding Tanie! c: I also liked the way you described Lorcan coming out of the tank and basically relearning how to MOVE. The pain, the dizziness, the confusion... It would all be so disorientating, of course, and you captured it really well. As well as the confusion, the absence of memories, etc. But then slowly gaining his memory throughout the day and piecing together small fragments of his past...painful fragments, at that, which he knows had something to do with his capture, well...it would be really, really hard. I imagine that, even if he doesn't discuss the memories or problems he's having with Tanie, having SOMEONE there is a small comfort. I like Lorcan's distance towards her, too, such as how he was reluctant to assume responsibility for any part of her existence by pulling her out of the sand. xD GOSH LORCAN YOU'RE THINKING SO MUCH INTO THIS. I can't wait to read where their relationship goes because it sounds like the potential for an awesome friendship. XD
I spent ages on that picture for some reason so I won't read the third chapter now, but I'll definitely read it tomorrow. :3 THIS CHAPTER WAS AWESOME AND I'M EXCITED TO READ THE NEXT. <3 WELL DONE.
CHAPTER THREE:
The full stop should be within the quotation. x) Originally Posted by Tombi
The comma after "beast" should be a semicolon because it's the start of a new sentence. x) Originally Posted by Tombi
I don't know how pernickety you are about repetition, but there are two "with"s in close quarters of each other in this sentence. I thought of something to replace it with before but then I forgot. xD Originally Posted by Tombi
The comma after "laboratory" should be a semicolon because what follows is a new sentence. x) Originally Posted by Tombi
XDDDDDDD I read that first as "WE ARE TEAM DUNSPARCE." Originally Posted by Tombi
I remember this chapter now, and reading it again makes more sense. x) I enjoyed it a lot, especially meeting Fein who I think is pretty cool. O: Although I don't know much about her yet, obviously. The shadow pokemon are a little creepy. I'm curious to know what they have planned for Fein, and if they're going to force her to turn into a shadow. Either that or they'll find out she doesn't want to be turned and there'll be chaos... o_o
I'm also curious to find out how these characters all link together, and if they'll meet up soon. c: And ugh...it's scary to know that pokemon can be normal one day and practically evil the next, and worse yet, they WANT to be that way. o.o Makes me wonder if they're elemental at all, or if they're just shadow. Considering they seemed to think that Fein's dual typing was "filthy." RUDE. srsly.
Anyway I'm super interested to see where this goes. As of yet I can't really predict anything aside from some of the characters (I like how there are many of them by the way xD) meeting up, but I'd have no idea how that would happen and where they would go from there. Aside from the hint that Cipher has packed up and moved to Pyrite... Eerie!
Great job so far. C: Loving the nostalgia and looking forward to reading what's next! :D
~SF.Last edited by Suicune's Fire; 12-23-2013 at 10:31 AM.
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