[War] I don't even know what the hell to call this story

[Dragon Master Mike]

WARNING: THERE IS LIKE, ONE CURSE, IF ANYONE CARES.

EDIT: HD says the story needs a name, so I will call it.

STORY A.

Inspired by a combination of creepypasta and H.P Lovecraft.

The details of what took place in that forest are ones that I do not speak of often. What took place on that frigid November night I can not explain. I can only describe what took place.

It was late November. The first signs of the oncoming winter were beginning to show in the form of a thin layer of snow that coated the ground. The air was unusually frigid for the time of year, having dropped well below thirty. It was only natural that this day, being the coldest day of the year so far, was the day me and a close friend of mine decided to go for a hiking trip into a forest near the small town we grew up in. For the purposes of this story, this friend will be known as John.

Before I go any further, I must give some back story relating to the forest. To the residents of the small town I lived in, this forest was known as Black Bear Forest, known for a sizable bear population living there. The forest is a notable size, being about 60 square kilometers.

Of course, to the locals, this forest was known for much more than bears. Many legends exist about the things in this forest. Shadowy figures that follow you, only to disappear the second you turn to look at them. Cultists gathering under the full moon to complete their dark rituals. Things of this sort. Of course, my friend and I didn’t buy into any of it. We knew that those legends were just campfire stories and old superstition. We had been into the forest ourselves numerous times. Perhaps things could have gone better for us if we had listened to the legends.

Our planned hiking route was simple. We were to go in at around one in the afternoon - just after eating lunch - and hike down the main path. We would follow it to around the center of the forest before getting onto a small secondary trail and following it back to the entrance. That would get us out at about Four; Just before sunset.

After stopping at a local sub shop and grabbing a couple of sandwiches to eat, we drove down to Black Bear Forest. We arrived right on schedule, getting there with a minute to spare. I was the first one to comment on the temperature, but it was too late to head back. We were there, and we had every intention of following through with our hiking trip.

The forest was made up of many evergreens, but with large oak trees mixed in, as well as the rare birch tree. The elevation was fairly flat, so we knew we wouldn’t spend much time walking up hills.

The hike went by pretty uneventfully at first. In fact, it went by a little too uneventfully. Beyond the occasional conversation, our hike contained nothing of particular interest. We soon began to question our choice of activity, but had no intention of turning back. We continued on, the thin layer of snow crunching under our feet as we walked.

It was around three that things began to go wrong. More specifically, we realized we were lost. The smaller trail we were supposed to get onto was nowhere in sight, yet we knew we were supposed to have reached it already. We must have not noticed it because of the snow. By that point though it was getting late, and our plan had set us up to get back just in time. We turned around and began moving faster, fearing what would happen if we got stuck out in the middle of the forest at night with no flash light, or any form of sleeping bag and tent to keep warm in.

It was four, and the sun was setting. We had still failed to find our intended trail. At that point however, we decided it would be best to follow the main trail back the way we came. We were still at the very least an hour away though, and neither of us knew how we could make it back in time.

As the sun set, the light began to dim, making it harder to see. I pulled out my phone to try and create some light, but it did very little to help. I tried to call someone to let them know what was going on, but I had no service, and with the battery running low, I decided that turning it off to save battery would be the best option.

I don’t know at what point we lost the trail in the dark, but I’m certain we did. There could have been no other way that we hadn’t found our way out of the forest already. It was likely that we were simply walking in circles, stuck in a maze of trees that, in the non-existent lighting, all looked the same. The temperature was continuing to drop, and I feared what might happen if it dropped any further.

This is when things started to get weird. It was getting late when John checked his watch to see what time it was. Looking at his wrist, the small hands of the watch had stopped moving. “Weird.” He had said. “Its a pretty old watch, I guess it finally just died.”

I had taken my phone out to try and check the time, and to look for service, but it refused to turn on. I found it a bit odd that both the phone and John’s watch had stopped working, but I had figured it was just the battery.

As the night went on, it only continued to get colder. Despite my heavy layers of clothing, I was beginning to shiver. I couldn’t tell in the darkness, but I had guessed John felt the same. Despite this, I didn’t ask, and he didn’t make any comments. We spent most of the night in silence.

It must have been at least ten when it happened. It was as though every living creature in the forest simply dropped dead. All the sounds in the forest simply stopped. They didn’t slowly fade out as we walked. They simply stopped. One second they were there, and an instant later they weren’t. This took us both off guard. The sudden change had surprised me so much, I flinched as though someone had just jumped up in front of me and yelled.

“What the hell is going on?” I asked John, Completely clueless.

Then we heard it. Chanting. Chanting which sent chills down my spine. Me and John froze. We stood, terrified at what we were hearing, glued to our spot. The voices echoed through the forest, speaking in a strange and unnatural language. I had never heard anything like it. It seemed to have vaguely resembled Latin, but to this day I have failed to find anything that can be closely compared.

We had noticed a faint glow out in the forest. As though speaking telepathically, we simultaneously began to walk towards it, making sure to make as little noise as possible. Slowly we crept towards the eerie glow, the chanting growing louder as we approached. I don’t know what it was that compelled us to move forward, and what prevented us from running fearfully in the opposite direction, but what we saw upon reaching the clearing from which the light was emanating will be burned into my mind forever.

We crawled up to within feet of the edge of the clearing in front of us. Using a bush of significant size to hide, My friend John was the first to look in. When he turned back towards me, his entire expression had changed. He didn’t say a word, but his eyes did, and they spoke very loudly. “Don’t make a ****ing sound.”

I finally poked my head out to look. What I saw would send chills down my spine. In the center of the clearing sat a massive bonfire, sparks floating out from the top. Around the bonfire, 13 figures stood in dark colored robes, all facing the fire. They stood with their hands stretched out at their sides, holding the hands of the people on either side of them. Steadily they chanted, all speaking the same thing in the same unknown language. What they were saying I can only guess, but perhaps it is better that we do not know.

I stood mesmerised at the sight of the ritual. Despite the fear, something made me unable to look away. Slowly at first, the robed figures began to slowly move in a circle around the fire. Then they began to speed up. Quickly they dashed, now having let go of each others hands. They began to dance and spin, their chanting speeding to match their increasing movement. Their voices became loud and wild, twisting into an otherworldly tone. Their speech seemed to merge into one single voice. The wind began to stir, and quickly turned into violent gusts, seeming to emanate from the fire, which only increased in size.

Through all this, both I and John sat staring, paralyzed with fear, and unable to find the strength to leave. We watched as the color of the fire changed from an orange to a deep crimson red, and then began to flash brightly with many colors, ranging from red, to blue, and even at one point black. The fire shot upwards, generating heat so strong I could feel it from where I sat.

Suddenly, all at once, the robed figures stopped. They stood frozen still, staring into the fire intently. At the same time, a sound shot through the forest. A sound of unnatural origins, as if every living creature to ever walk the forest had suddenly let out a single, ear piercing scream. It seemed to emanate from everywhere at once, as though the air itself was creating it. My fear began to reach it’s peak, reaching a level I had never felt before.

It happened slowly at first. In fact, I wasn’t sure it was happening at all for a good minute. Soon though I was sure. A figure was materializing in the fire. Slowly the dark shape formed, standing at least a foot taller than the tallest of the robed figures. It stepped forward, it’s left leg reaching out of the fire. Slowly the rest of it followed, revealing itself. I shook to the point that my vision blurred. I wanted to run, but it’s horrendous, incomprehensible shape froze me in place. II don’t know what John was thinking at that point, but I was too scared to look and see.

The beast should not have physically been capable of existing. It seemed to exist in multiple places at once, as if it was part of a holographic image. The way it appeared to be every color, yet simultaneously colorless should not have been possible, and it’s features were in some way obscured, as though some form of fog or haze. It was disorienting just to look at, and hurt my head to try and comprehend. Perhaps that is not how it actually was at the time, and it’s real image was just too much for my mind to stand, and therefore my mind has distorted it to make the memory more bearable.

Suddenly, without even moving, the unholy creature let out a painfully loud roar. How it did not snap me out of my fear, I do not know, as the sound that came out of it’s mouth - assuming that it actually had a mouth, as well as used it to create the sound - was not of this earth, and can not be compared to anything else in normal existence.

With the roar came the silencing of the noise that had been filling the air previously. When the roar had finally faded, the lack of noises managed to calm me slightly. This calm would not last long though. It was then that I realized.

It was looking at me.

Suddenly whatever had been holding me in place, be it pure fear, or some form of spell, snapped. I don’t remember much of what happened next, only that I had run off into the forest, and I was being followed. I believe that it is best that I do not remember, as I do not believe I could hold onto my sanity if it had not been removed from my memory. After what I had experienced, it was nothing short of a miracle that I have any sanity left as it is.

I woke up the next morning leaning against a tree near my car. John was not with me.

I told the police we were out hiking and we got lost. We got separated in the dark. I knew they wouldn’t believe me if I told them what really happened.

John was never found.

But every once and a while I still get phone calls from his number.

I don’t pick them up any more though.

All I ever hear is screaming.

[Suicune's Fire]

The forest is a notable size, being about 60 square kilometers.

This happened more than once, but numbers in stories need to be written out into words. So this should be "sixty."

Me and John froze.

I know this is from a character's point of view, so the incorrect grammar may be intentional, but written correctly this would be "John and I froze." In order to test this, erase John and pretend he's just talking about himself: "Me froze." Lolno.

Using a bush of significant size to hide, My friend John was the first to look in.

xD Because you didn't say "hide behind" or beside or whatever, you're saying here that he found a bush of a significant size...to hide. Like, he's trying to hide the bush that is of a significant size. xD Good luck hiding that bush, man. Aside from that, you have a random capital M in "my" which is unneeded.

Through all this, both I and John sat staring,

The arrangement of this should be switched around so it's "John and I" just like in a "John and me" situation. Always the other person first. x)

My fear began to reach it’s peak, reaching a level I had never felt before.

The only time an apostrophe should be in "its" is when the word is short for "it is." When used as possessive (in this case it is), there is no apostrophe. So this should be "My fear began to reach its peak..."

II don’t know what John was thinking at that point, but I was too scared to look and see.

You give away right here that you didn't proofread or use a good program for spellcheck. XD

That's it for the errors, although there were multiple instances of the "its" error and the number thing. The story itself was good, but short. I really liked the way you described the beast. It sounded rather malevolent, which is obviously what you were after. I wasn't too sure about the style of the story, however, as it's a very "retelling" sort of setting. I think stories are usually better when written not in hindsight, because it's more intense if it's "in the moment" and happening as the reader reads it. It's slightly less intense from a retelling point of view, even though it does give you advantages such as foreboding and "we didn't know at the time" and "it's better that we didn't know" or something.

I don't know how much of this was taken from your inspirations, so I can't really judge the plot, but it was kinda cool. As I said, rather short, but it was entertaining. :] I thought I had more to say about the story but unfortunately not.


~SF.

[Dragon Master Mike]

This happened more than once, but numbers in stories need to be written out into words. So this should be "sixty."


I know this is from a character's point of view, so the incorrect grammar may be intentional, but written correctly this would be "John and I froze." In order to test this, erase John and pretend he's just talking about himself: "Me froze." Lolno.


xD Because you didn't say "hide behind" or beside or whatever, you're saying here that he found a bush of a significant size...to hide. Like, he's trying to hide the bush that is of a significant size. xD Good luck hiding that bush, man. Aside from that, you have a random capital M in "my" which is unneeded.


The arrangement of this should be switched around so it's "John and I" just like in a "John and me" situation. Always the other person first. x)


The only time an apostrophe should be in "its" is when the word is short for "it is." When used as possessive (in this case it is), there is no apostrophe. So this should be "My fear began to reach its peak..."


You give away right here that you didn't proofread or use a good program for spellcheck. XD

That's it for the errors, although there were multiple instances of the "its" error and the number thing. The story itself was good, but short. I really liked the way you described the beast. It sounded rather malevolent, which is obviously what you were after. I wasn't too sure about the style of the story, however, as it's a very "retelling" sort of setting. I think stories are usually better when written not in hindsight, because it's more intense if it's "in the moment" and happening as the reader reads it. It's slightly less intense from a retelling point of view, even though it does give you advantages such as foreboding and "we didn't know at the time" and "it's better that we didn't know" or something.

I don't know how much of this was taken from your inspirations, so I can't really judge the plot, but it was kinda cool. As I said, rather short, but it was entertaining. :] I thought I had more to say about the story but unfortunately not.


~SF.

I would like to say that I did proofread it, but for this story I rushed the proofreading, and I'm terrible at proofreading to begin with, so me rushing the proofreading means I might as well not be bothering to proofread. Also, google drive has an awful spell check and I don't have anything else to use. Still though, you would think after being told so many times I would start to see SOME of these errors.

What you said about how much was taken from inspirations: I think just a bit of the style of the retelling was taken from creepypastas, and from H.P Lovecraft I took his theme of "Things that are so horrible the sight of them could drive someone to insanity." Which is something he uses very frequently in his stories.

Thanks for reading!

[Suicune's Fire]

I would like to say that I did proofread it, but for this story I rushed the proofreading, and I'm terrible at proofreading to begin with, so me rushing the proofreading means I might as well not be bothering to proofread. Also, google drive has an awful spell check and I don't have anything else to use. Still though, you would think after being told so many times I would start to see SOME of these errors.

What you said about how much was taken from inspirations: I think just a bit of the style of the retelling was taken from creepypastas, and from H.P Lovecraft I took his theme of "Things that are so horrible the sight of them could drive someone to insanity." Which is something he uses very frequently in his stories.

Thanks for reading!

Haha, hey, no worries. x) I understand. I'm actually pretty terrible at catching typos and errors for my own stories, so I understand. Why dontcha try OpenOffice or something? (I mean, it's not amazing, but it'll serve you better than Googledrive. xD) Haha, don't fret about it.

Ah okay, that's cool. then. x) I did like that part about the monster being pretty much indescribable. It's difficult to imagine, obviously, if it's beyond human comprehension.

No worries. x)