What the hell. xD

Last night, a strange creature was found washed upon the shore of a New Jersey beach. He possessed the bodies of both a man and a fish. The discovery of this merman stunned scientists across the world. He was the first of his kind to be seen and likely the last. Unfortunately, the merman was already dead upon his discovery.

A scuba diver who was searching for rare fish claimed to have seen the merman while he was still alive. "I saw him," the scuba diver said. "He was doing push-ups on the ocean floor. I think he was exercising."

Chitter, a dolphin who knew the merman personally, reached out to us. He told us that the merman's name is Neo and that his dream was to grow a pair of legs. That dream will not come true, it seems.

Neo's cause of death has been determined to be alcohol poisoning. It is uncertain how it happened, but witnesses claim they saw two yellow, mouse-like creatures dumping kegs of beer into the beach near the area where Neo loved to swim. Officer Jennies all across New Jersey are looking into this claim.