Quote Originally Posted by Desolate Divine View Post
So tonight has been a bit rough on me.

Eighteen months ago (give or take) I lost my best mate. Some people know the circumstances and can understand that there is no going back from this and reconciliation is not possible right now, and I doubt it ever will be. And truth is, the reason for losing said mate shattered my average life and I am realizing now that all this time later, I am still struggling to put it back together.

The problem lies in my dependency on people, when I'm not in a good state of mind. Even if it is just having a beer and talking ****, when I'm not in a great head space, human interaction is what keeps the darkness at bay, and drives it back. And for a long time, this friend was the one I'd hang out with, but now that he is gone, my social life has all but died. Compared to when he was in the picture, I hardly leave the house for anything outside of work and church commitments. These days, my DnD group is my main social outlet but even then it's not enough for me, and I am struggling. Then tonight was rough. It was Saturday night and I had no plans. I really wanted to just go grab a beer with someone, but honestly, couldn't think of anybody who would be free, interested, and that I'd be comfortable asking and making the first contact for it. I ended up posting on my snapchat story asking if anybody would like to go grab a beer, and offering to drive, but had nobody willing to come hang out with me.

And in all honesty, this sort of thing is leading to other things. I'm drinking more because I'm at home, and it's not like I need to drive anywhere or have anywhere to be. Not getting s***faced but it is expensive, and I don't want to become dependent. I am playing computer games and binge watching netflix, until I get sick of whatever I am playing, which then means I go and spend money on a new game, when I have unfinished games already, because I just got sick of playing them non-stop. I'm staying up stupidly late, hoping I can just have a damn conversation with someone on Facebook (which half the time doesn't happen), which means that my sleeping pattern is screwed, and I am eating meals late at night, usually frozen, microwavable crap, or if I haven't been drinking, fast food. Christ, with the amount I have been drinking and the way I've been eating, I have put on over 20kg (44lbs) since I lost my mate.

I just hate this. Honestly, I watch TV shows like How I Met Your Mother, and the dynamic is something I'd kill for. A small, solid core group, with a given place to spend time together. But currently, my social circles are small groups, scattered across the bloody state, who're all either too busy or not interested in the same social stuff I'm into, and I feel like it's killing me.
You'll find your crew. For the longest time, I had virtually no one. No real friends and I always felt socially awkward. It happened all throughout high school and college and it's lousy. But eventually I found new friends and we've had plenty of great times. We've played Magic the Gathering, have gone on camping trips, and have had awesome holiday parties. Suddenly my social life had hope again. All it took was just connecting with the right people and finding common interests.

But you can't rush it. You can try to increase your chances by just mingling with more people (the DnD group is a great start), but you can't force a friendship. It's not something you'd even want to force as it can have ugly results later on. See if you can find an exercise class or sports/physical activity club to go to. It's a great way to stay in shape and you can meet people there as well.

As for the beer, try to limit the intake. Maybe just one or two bottles on the weekend or for special occasions. I know, it tastes great, but it is a carb-heavy drink and you don't want to overdo it and make it something you have every day. You don't need to make drastic changes, but do it little by little. If you've been drinking every night, reduce the number of drinks first. Then try limiting yourself to only every night. Then only weekends until you feel you have control over it and it's not a habit.

But yeah, you can't go off of what you see in TV shows. Those types of social dynamics are extremely rare. Watch them for laughs and entertainment, but don't try to use them as a model for what reality should be like.