Rising Smoke (a black randomized gijinka storylocke)

[Suicune's Fire]

Light filtered in through the thin curtains the covered the window to the far right.

The "the" between "curtains" and "covered" should be "that"

Josiane said she didn't remind though.

Nice contraction of "really mind," but unfortunately not a real one. xD

How was she asleep?

I think this is meant to be "How long was she asleep?"

“Good luck.” Tyson saluted to Ashur before stepping out. Shayla offered a smile, unsure what to say that would comfort Ashur.

“Our paths will cross again, one day, I promise.” Ashur smiled back and nodded as he said,

“I’ll wait for that day.” Ashur closed the door behind Tyson and Shayla.

This whole exchange was confusing to read because I didn't know who spoke the second line until I reread it. Because you have Shayla's speech, but no indication that it was Shayla speaking (especially since it just said she was unsure what to say), then Ashur's action on the same line directly after the speech, I thought it was Ashur speaking, then Ashur "smiled back" at himself and spoke on a new line. xD It was really confusing. I'd suggest either changing it so there's something indicating that it was Shayla speaking right after the words, or I'd reformat it like so:

“Good luck.” Tyson saluted to Ashur before stepping out.

Shayla offered a smile, unsure what to say that would comfort Ashur. “Our paths will cross again, one day, I promise.”

Ashur smiled back and nodded as he said, “I’ll wait for that day.” Ashur closed the door behind Tyson and Shayla.

(You could even have Ashur's action after his speech be on a new line.)

This way it makes a lot more sense. Also, again, make sure to avoid having "and said," with that comma there and then have the speech in a separate paragraph. Make sure it's always on the same line.

“Huh? Isn’t that a good thing? It would provide good cover wouldn’t it.”

Should be formatted as: It would provide good cover, wouldn't it?

An individual with a pink and blue color scheme bumped into Shayla, causing her to drop her bag. It clattered to the ground and sent all of its contents sprawling. They quickly scurried off, leaving Shayla to pick up all of her belongings.

“Hey!” Shayla shouted, but the stranger was already gone. Shayla huffed before bending down to quickly pick up her things.

For the sake of flow, I think taking out the bolded sentence would enhance the visualisation of this scene. Everything said in the sentence is said after the speech anyway, which works best directly after the bumping action. :)

“Yes, hopefully, we will need again. I’m N, you are?”

OOO: It's N! Also "need" should be "meet." xD

“Excuse me, excuse me, pardon me, please move, thank you. Hey! Move your *** I don’t want to die today! Thank you!”

Lool, I laughed at this. xD But there also need to be punctuation after ***. P.S. Where PXR bleeps out a lot of your stuff, it might be worth writing some letters and manually placing the asterisks so part of the word is readable.

“Good, the rotten smuggler deserves it.” Tyson stiffened suddenly and turned his gaze back up to the hill,

Another case of putting the speech from one speaker and the action of a different character on the same line: I thought Tyson was saying this about Ashur at first! xD

“So so sorry! Don’t take it personally!”

Comma after the first "so." ;)

Tyson approached, not impacted by the sand hardly at all.

There's a conflict between "not" and "hardly" here. It should be one or the other. He was hardly impacted at all, or he was not impacted at all. "Not hardly" is not grammatically correct (even if it's not in that order). xD You could say "not impacted by the sand much at all," but not "hardly." This way it's kind of like a double negative, so technically you're saying he was impacted by the sand.

Omg so much happening!!! Awesome second chapter. :D I think it's fair to say that I enjoyed that one more than the first, because ACTION!!!!! Interesting that Tyson is a steelix gijinka! Never would have guessed myself. I enjoyed this chapter (lol I just called it an episode) a lot because it really seemed like they were in danger that they weren't going to be able to get out of. It's awesome that Shayla got her flames, but at the same time, her success was short-lived and she only got the jump on them because it was a surprise. That was a good touch. I was like "Nuuu Tyson! D:" when he was restrained and yeah, I had no idea how they were going to get out of it. Then...Ashur!! I figured he wasn't going to just stay in the house and get cooked. xD I am a little surprised that they didn't station guards outside the house in case though (unless they did and he just, like, squashed them all). I also love how he comes running down the hill apologising for attacking the guards. XD Classic Ashur.

Bianca and Cheren being guards?! Omg! I thought they were cooler than that! But nope, they're buttpies. Well. Figured. Cheren always had a bit of a chip on his shoulder. XD And wooowwww, they killed Juniper. Rude. I get the strong sense that the authorities here are quiiite corrupt. I'm also surprised that N didn't watch the altercation, especially since he took a liking to Shayla. I didn't expect him to intervene necessarily, but surely this whole thing would have attracted a lot of attention and he was probably watching. Also I can never figure out what gijinkas people are without it being blatantly stated. XD I have no idea what gijinka he was (I'd think zorua/zoroark, but he didn't seem to represent either one), or the other non-bisharp guards. Cheren was a chinchou?

Anyway, I'm keen to see where this goes. I really like Tyson. :3 AND OMG HE HAS A BOYFRIEND. Adorable. His criminal history sounds interesting too. I wonder what his brother is like. O: And his boyfriend. Interesting that his brother has medical bills; I wonder what for. O:

Great chapter! Please tag me when you post a new one. :D And feel free to let me beta for you. ;3