[COMIC]CHAPAZ REGION ~ 1-4 comics a week (Unless something comes up)

[Fistodragon]

Spoiler:

Chapter 18

[Suicune's Fire]

You still need to edit your links properly so that they link to the actual picture, not the other link. x3

I've caught up, and I'm confused why Fisto's bublasaur was suddenly able to use solarbeam. Yes, you got rid of levels, but it's still a bulbasaur that has been with its trainer for like...half an hour. How could it already know solarbeam? As well as that, that was a really casual encounter between his dad and him. It was also random how Fisto was randomly unconscious after he just jumped out of the way of a hyper beam. He said his father's name, then was suddenly unconscious. xD Then he was knocked out at the Pokemon Center too, where his dad seemed to have dragged him? xD And Shaymin too?

There was no explanation why Shaymin was there, and if Serenity wanted it, why did she just leave it there when she vanished with that giratina? It's also odd that a random shaymin would suddenly agree to following a random kid it had never met before now. I'm tipping shaymin have important jobs, and for one to just agree to join this kid is unlikely and probably very irresponsible of it. XD As well as that, you never see Shaymin's opinion on anything...the father just sorta dictates what will happen and how the shaymin feels without consulting it first. Additionally, the father leaves with absolutely no concern for his son's safety, especially after his son encountered Team Metal, who he is apparently familiar with. I think, if I was that father, I would stick by my son's side and be really concerned about what might happen to him, especially after he was attacked.

I also don't know how the gym leader suddenly assumed he was a hero of legend. Wouldn't it take more than a single battle for him to be able to determine that? I mean, if anything, he should be impressed with the bulbasaur's exceptional power and ability to use higher-ranking moves at such a young age/low level. Not the trainer. XD He shouldn't get credit for an abnormally strong bulbasaur.

I'm not trying to bash the comic or anything, but it seems really rushed, and like everything is taking a but of an unrealistic turn. I mean, Fisto's just started his journey, and he's already got an overpowered starter, a LEGENDARY, and now a larvitar (who are well known to evolve into a very powerful pokemon), all for free. I also think you should take into account pokemon's genders. They all have genders so it would be suitable to include them in the narrative. I just wanted to point out some of the things I found odd and sudden, all of which you could work on to improve your comic. :]

Well done so far, although it would be nice to see these elements worked on.


~SF.

[Fistodragon]

You still need to edit your links properly so that they link to the actual picture, not the other link. x3

I've caught up, and I'm confused why Fisto's bublasaur was suddenly able to use solarbeam. Yes, you got rid of levels, but it's still a bulbasaur that has been with its trainer for like...half an hour. How could it already know solarbeam? As well as that, that was a really casual encounter between his dad and him. It was also random how Fisto was randomly unconscious after he just jumped out of the way of a hyper beam. He said his father's name, then was suddenly unconscious. xD Then he was knocked out at the Pokemon Center too, where his dad seemed to have dragged him? xD And Shaymin too?

There was no explanation why Shaymin was there, and if Serenity wanted it, why did she just leave it there when she vanished with that giratina? It's also odd that a random shaymin would suddenly agree to following a random kid it had never met before now. I'm tipping shaymin have important jobs, and for one to just agree to join this kid is unlikely and probably very irresponsible of it. XD As well as that, you never see Shaymin's opinion on anything...the father just sorta dictates what will happen and how the shaymin feels without consulting it first. Additionally, the father leaves with absolutely no concern for his son's safety, especially after his son encountered Team Metal, who he is apparently familiar with. I think, if I was that father, I would stick by my son's side and be really concerned about what might happen to him, especially after he was attacked.

I also don't know how the gym leader suddenly assumed he was a hero of legend. Wouldn't it take more than a single battle for him to be able to determine that? I mean, if anything, he should be impressed with the bulbasaur's exceptional power and ability to use higher-ranking moves at such a young age/low level. Not the trainer. XD He shouldn't get credit for an abnormally strong bulbasaur.

I'm not trying to bash the comic or anything, but it seems really rushed, and like everything is taking a but of an unrealistic turn. I mean, Fisto's just started his journey, and he's already got an overpowered starter, a LEGENDARY, and now a larvitar (who are well known to evolve into a very powerful pokemon), all for free. I also think you should take into account pokemon's genders. They all have genders so it would be suitable to include them in the narrative. I just wanted to point out some of the things I found odd and sudden, all of which you could work on to improve your comic. :]

Well done so far, although it would be nice to see these elements worked on.


~SF.

You still need to edit your links properly so that they link to the actual picture, not the other link. x3

I'm trying D: It's being very stubborn :<

I've caught up, and I'm confused why Fisto's bublasaur was suddenly able to use solarbeam.

It has to do with the ability of being the "trainer of legend". You see, the "trainer of legend" bonds with his Pokemon instantly as it's in his "blood". Bulbasaur being able to learn Solarbeam earlier was a "my bad" on my part (I was going to put Razor Leaf but I was tired and etc). I guess being able to learn Solarbeam earlier was a lucky break? (Ex. Red first met Bulbasaur and it was able to use Solarbeam to knock out a Machamp or Machoke. Pokemon RED comic or something like that).

As well as that, that was a really casual encounter between his dad and him.

Yes, I know. I didn't plan it to be this way but it just happened. Meh


It was also random how Fisto was randomly unconscious after he just jumped out of the way of a hyper beam. He said his father's name, then was suddenly unconscious. xD Then he was knocked out at the Pokemon Center too, where his dad seemed to have dragged him? xD And Shaymin too?

He wasn't "unconscious", he was just badly injured because the hyper beam slightly hit him.(Yes, it didn't look like it but that's what was suppose to happen). I cut the scene out of where his dad puts him and Shaymin on Druddigon and flies to the pokemon center.

There was no explanation why Shaymin was there, and if Serenity wanted it, why did she just leave it there when she vanished with that giratina? It's also odd that a random shaymin would suddenly agree to following a random kid it had never met before now.

There is an explanation that why shaymin was there that I will go into detail later in the series. Serenity left it there and vanished because even though she wanted shaymin's powers, she ran into Fisto's father which she still sorta has feelings for. (will go into another comic about their life story later). It agreed to follow the kid temporarily because, as you saw, Fisto and his father did save HER life.

the father just sorta dictates what will happen and how the shaymin feels without consulting it first. Additionally, the father leaves with absolutely no concern for his son's safety, especially after his son encountered Team Metal, who he is apparently familiar with. I think, if I was that father, I would stick by my son's side and be really concerned about what might happen to him, especially after he was attacked.

The father has the ability to speak to pokemon telepathically. (I will also go into detail with this later). He only left because he had to, not because he wanted to. You see, the father is a retired cop and a current gym leader. He is familiar with Team Metal because he use to have to spy on their actions up until he found out that Serenity is the leader.

I also don't know how the gym leader suddenly assumed he was a hero of legend. Wouldn't it take more than a single battle for him to be able to determine that? I mean, if anything, he should be impressed with the bulbasaur's exceptional power and ability to use higher-ranking moves at such a young age/low level. Not the trainer. XD He shouldn't get credit for an abnormally strong bulbasaur.

The 1st gym leader is actually one of the 5 who wrote the "prophecy". He felt the passion described in the prophecy and the connection between his pokemon making him believe that he could be the child of prophecy. (or the hero of legend). Yes, i do admit the bulbasaur should of got some credibility for his strength.


I'm not trying to bash the comic or anything, but it seems really rushed, and like everything is taking a but of an unrealistic turn.

It's a bit rushed but there will be fillers later on which slows the comic down a bit. Fillers won't come until his father and several other people tell him what's going on.

Fisto's just started his journey, and he's already got an overpowered starter, a LEGENDARY, and now a larvitar (who are well known to evolve into a very powerful pokemon), all for free.

Technically, Shaymin isn't his. Even though his father can speak to pokemon and assume their feelings, Shaymin does have a duty and cannot join him on his journey. Yes but Larvitar won't be a Tyranitar until near the end of his badge collecting.

I also think you should take into account pokemon's genders. They all have genders so it would be suitable to include them in the narrative. I just wanted to point out some of the things I found odd and sudden, all of which you could work on to improve your comic. :]
Well done so far, although it would be nice to see these elements worked on.

I am. And no, not all pokemon have genders. Thanks and I will work on these elements more, thanks!(:

[Fistodragon]

Chapter 19 is now finished! It will be posted tomorrow along with Chapter 20 as well!

[Suicune's Fire]

I'm trying D: It's being very stubborn :<

It has to do with the ability of being the "trainer of legend". You see, the "trainer of legend" bonds with his Pokemon instantly as it's in his "blood". Bulbasaur being able to learn Solarbeam earlier was a "my bad" on my part (I was going to put Razor Leaf but I was tired and etc). I guess being able to learn Solarbeam earlier was a lucky break? (Ex. Red first met Bulbasaur and it was able to use Solarbeam to knock out a Machamp or Machoke. Pokemon RED comic or something like that).

Aw. :C Well I do know there's the simple "link" and then there's the "direct link" and the direct link is what you want. If you can't reach that, just right-click on the image and go "Copy Image Location" to use that instead. :]

Ahh that makes more sense. See, the thing with that is, if you're going to include something of a legend, you need to include it earlier in the story. For instance, if you mentioned it in a prologue, or had a character talk about it earlier on and explain all that you're explaining to me now, then it would make more sense, and the readers would have something to go off. Otherwise, we're left confused and there's no explanation.

Yes, I know. I didn't plan it to be this way but it just happened. Meh

He wasn't "unconscious", he was just badly injured because the hyper beam slightly hit him.(Yes, it didn't look like it but that's what was suppose to happen). I cut the scene out of where his dad puts him and Shaymin on Druddigon and flies to the pokemon center.

Oh, okay then. XD I understand that; I often do that in my stories. It's just that if it's going to happen, you have to make it convincing.

Oh really? See, that wasn't clear either. xD Because it's a comic, we need more explanation--you can't use description like in a story to let us know that he isn't unconscious; we have basic visuals to go off so you have to make the narrative strong. Wait, wait, wait a second. XD Take a look at this:

Spoiler:

Quote from Dad: "Now that your conscious now..." See what I mean? He implied that his son was unconscious by saying "now that you're conscious." Also, "your" should be "you're" because it's short for "you are." There's also two "now"s in that sentence. I rest my case. xD

There is an explanation that why shaymin was there that I will go into detail later in the series. Serenity left it there and vanished because even though she wanted shaymin's powers, she ran into Fisto's father which she still sorta has feelings for. (will go into another comic about their life story later). It agreed to follow the kid temporarily because, as you saw, Fisto and his father did save HER life.

The father has the ability to speak to pokemon telepathically. (I will also go into detail with this later). He only left because he had to, not because he wanted to. You see, the father is a retired cop and a current gym leader. He is familiar with Team Metal because he use to have to spy on their actions up until he found out that Serenity is the leader.

The 1st gym leader is actually one of the 5 who wrote the "prophecy". He felt the passion described in the prophecy and the connection between his pokemon making him believe that he could be the child of prophecy. (or the hero of legend). Yes, i do admit the bulbasaur should of got some credibility for his strength.

But the fact that I have to ask this must give you some indication that you're not giving us enough to go off. I mean, I'm sure Fisto would have been confused, so even if he had asked about Serenity and why she just disappeared and left the shaymin there, then it would imply that it's going to be explained, rather than an inconsistency.

But we don't know that. xD As of now, we're only getting this tiny little perspective into the comic. No, I'm not saying that you should reveal all of this to us immediately, but you need to give some indication. Maybe some purple glow around another pokemon when he talks to it, or maybe have Fisto going, "What is he doing...?" or something. If there's absolutely no reference to it, even in the vaguest form, it just looks like an inconsistency.

I think that this isn't information that would need to be revealed, for instance, but if you had mentioned the hero of legend earlier in the comic (seriously, if you had one reference to it at the start of the comic, like an intro/prologue briefly mentioning it, everything would make so much more sense) it would be understandable why he's questioning that.

It's a bit rushed but there will be fillers later on which slows the comic down a bit. Fillers won't come until his father and several other people tell him what's going on.

Technically, Shaymin isn't his. Even though his father can speak to pokemon and assume their feelings, Shaymin does have a duty and cannot join him on his journey. Yes but Larvitar won't be a Tyranitar until near the end of his badge collecting.

I am. And no, not all pokemon have genders. Thanks and I will work on these elements more, thanks!(:

Okay, sounds good. :] Alrighty.

I know, but that's not at all clear. There was no sign of the father speaking telepathically to the shaymin, and there was no sign of shaymin making its own conscious decision. And haha, I know, but the point is that it's a powerful pokemon.

It's more the anime and the games that don't show pokemon with genders all the time. I believe every legendary has a gender (except maybe the regis), and the main reason they don't in the game is to be like "omg they're special guys!" and to add to the "why you can't breed them" thing. I think they didn't want to make legendaries have specific genders because they're meant to be deities, which often have debate over genders. I dunno. I give all my legendaries genders. XD No worries. :] I look forward to more!


~SF.

[Fistodragon]

Aw. :C Well I do know there's the simple "link" and then there's the "direct link" and the direct link is what you want. If you can't reach that, just right-click on the image and go "Copy Image Location" to use that instead. :]

Ahh that makes more sense. See, the thing with that is, if you're going to include something of a legend, you need to include it earlier in the story. For instance, if you mentioned it in a prologue, or had a character talk about it earlier on and explain all that you're explaining to me now, then it would make more sense, and the readers would have something to go off. Otherwise, we're left confused and there's no explanation.



Oh, okay then. XD I understand that; I often do that in my stories. It's just that if it's going to happen, you have to make it convincing.

Oh really? See, that wasn't clear either. xD Because it's a comic, we need more explanation--you can't use description like in a story to let us know that he isn't unconscious; we have basic visuals to go off so you have to make the narrative strong. Wait, wait, wait a second. XD Take a look at this:

Spoiler:

Quote from Dad: "Now that your conscious now..." See what I mean? He implied that his son was unconscious by saying "now that you're conscious." Also, "your" should be "you're" because it's short for "you are." There's also two "now"s in that sentence. I rest my case. xD



But the fact that I have to ask this must give you some indication that you're not giving us enough to go off. I mean, I'm sure Fisto would have been confused, so even if he had asked about Serenity and why she just disappeared and left the shaymin there, then it would imply that it's going to be explained, rather than an inconsistency.

But we don't know that. xD As of now, we're only getting this tiny little perspective into the comic. No, I'm not saying that you should reveal all of this to us immediately, but you need to give some indication. Maybe some purple glow around another pokemon when he talks to it, or maybe have Fisto going, "What is he doing...?" or something. If there's absolutely no reference to it, even in the vaguest form, it just looks like an inconsistency.

I think that this isn't information that would need to be revealed, for instance, but if you had mentioned the hero of legend earlier in the comic (seriously, if you had one reference to it at the start of the comic, like an intro/prologue briefly mentioning it, everything would make so much more sense) it would be understandable why he's questioning that.



Okay, sounds good. :] Alrighty.

I know, but that's not at all clear. There was no sign of the father speaking telepathically to the shaymin, and there was no sign of shaymin making its own conscious decision. And haha, I know, but the point is that it's a powerful pokemon.

It's more the anime and the games that don't show pokemon with genders all the time. I believe every legendary has a gender (except maybe the regis), and the main reason they don't in the game is to be like "omg they're special guys!" and to add to the "why you can't breed them" thing. I think they didn't want to make legendaries have specific genders because they're meant to be deities, which often have debate over genders. I dunno. I give all my legendaries genders. XD No worries. :] I look forward to more!


~SF.

Ah, I see xp

Thanks, I'll make sure to be more clear next time!

LOL, i didn't noticed i put 2 nows. Will fix and repost later, thanks!

[Fistodragon]

Spoiler:

RE-RELEASED CHAPTER 18

Yes, the shitty aura and the green line under Fisto's father is him talking to shaymin telepathically. (I will improve on it later).

[Suicune's Fire]

LOL fair enough! It's a good start!

AND BETTER! I like this one more. xD I can tell you that doing a green/blue outline around them would be a good idea, so if you want to do that next time, you could. :] And also put maybe a few ellipsis (...ellipsi? xD) in the panel that you're doing the telepathy in, it'll show that something's happening. With this, I went around the outlines:



Simple, quick, and effective! :D


~SF.

[Fistodragon]

LOL fair enough! It's a good start!

AND BETTER! I like this one more. xD I can tell you that doing a green/blue outline around them would be a good idea, so if you want to do that next time, you could. :] And also put maybe a few ellipsis (...ellipsi? xD) in the panel that you're doing the telepathy in, it'll show that something's happening. With this, I went around the outlines:



Simple, quick, and effective! :D


~SF.

Looks awesome! :D

Thanks

[Suicune's Fire]

No worries! :D The wonders of Paint, lol.


~SF.