[COMIC]CHAPAZ REGION ~ 1-4 comics a week (Unless something comes up)

[Suicune's Fire]

I'm so sorry I've been incredibly slack when it comes to following your comic! I was only up to the 22nd page. Goodness me. xD Good on Fisto for winning a badge! I think changing the age to 17 makes more sense too. :] However, I have a few criticisms...

1) The gym leader spoke out loud about her deceased younger brother who Fisto reminded her of, and although that does give her a bit of an excuse to go easy on him, the way she explained it was very robotic and a little too exposition heavy, meaning that it wasn't tactfully crafted into the script. It's likely something she would think, so if it was in italics then it would be clear that she was thinking, not saying it out loud. Otherwise, that's a little bit of a strange thing for someone to say out loud. I mean, she already KNOWS that, so telling herself is sort of redundant.

2) Try not to make your characters seem plastic. Elsa seems like a five year old who is smitten with someone offering them candy. xD It's just odd that someone would walk up to a stranger and quote Call Me Maybe (as amusing as that part was), and ask to travel with them. For all she knows, he could be a mass murderer. You've often got to create a reason for people to want to travel together. When making characters, don't think of them as sprites in your comic--think of them as people. Real people with real hopes, dreams, personalities, goals, wants, likes, dislikes, and more. It doesn't make for a very good comic if your characters aren't believable!

2.a) Not only did Elsa just meet him, but now she's buying him clothes and finding him adorable off the bat? I dunno, I would think she would at least need a bit more screen time to be acting this way. I mean, maybe it's just her personality or something, but it's not that believable if it's immediate.

3) On page #23, there's barely anything. The squares are incredibly bare and the first panel is the strangest, with this tiny little cave with cut off edges. Then inside the cave, it's very, very plain. Usually caves are a little more interesting than that. Even having a wall or something would make all the difference. Also, in the last panel, the whole scene has been shifted to the side, which is weird because there's nothing happening off to the left. Keeping things centred is a good idea if there's nothing going on around. Also I found it very odd that Elsa said ONE word for the entire page. She needs more character than that. =/

4) Elsa still hasn't said anything for another two pages. On page 25, she should at least have screamed or said something. On top of that, I don't think the narrator fit very well just coming in there and commentating. I think it would have been much more appropriate if Elsa, for instance, said something like "Oh my, Larvitar jumped out of his poké ball to save you!" or something. And also, Zyon says "would of" when the correct wording is "would have."

5) Zyon just ran off as soon as Silver and Tony's pokemon popped up...but both pokemon have a type disadvantage to his MEGA blaziken. I would at least expect him to try to snag the stone, give that he was so close to it. Also, when Silver and Tony appeared, Fisto didn't even turn to them to talk to them. It seems a little odd is all. You've got a lot to think about when making sprite comics.

As for what I want to see in the comic more, definitely some character development. It was really odd that Elsa attached herself to Fisto like she did, with basically nothing on her mind but "omgiluvhim." And then she said a total of ONE WORD for the next few pages. More attention to pacing would be good too, as some thing seem very stale and rushed.

I think it's great that you're doing a sequel! 8D Awesome. And lel:

"His love interests are also unown (see what i did there? c; )"

Brilliant. XD I think the new protagonist sounds interesting too. Anyway, I'm sorry to go on so much and I hope I don't discourage you. Really, I just want to help you get better and realise some things that you can improve upon. :] I hope you really enjoy making these comics and get some more up when you're ready! 8D

Do you read any other sprite comics? I think if you don't, then you certainly should to get a feel for how they do it, and maybe take some tips from them. :] Reading non-sprite comics or even stories would be just as good of an idea. Anyway, good luck!

[Fistodragon]

I'm so sorry I've been incredibly slack when it comes to following your comic! I was only up to the 22nd page. Goodness me. xD Good on Fisto for winning a badge! I think changing the age to 17 makes more sense too. :] However, I have a few criticisms...

1) The gym leader spoke out loud about her deceased younger brother who Fisto reminded her of, and although that does give her a bit of an excuse to go easy on him, the way she explained it was very robotic and a little too exposition heavy, meaning that it wasn't tactfully crafted into the script. It's likely something she would think, so if it was in italics then it would be clear that she was thinking, not saying it out loud. Otherwise, that's a little bit of a strange thing for someone to say out loud. I mean, she already KNOWS that, so telling herself is sort of redundant.

2) Try not to make your characters seem plastic. Elsa seems like a five year old who is smitten with someone offering them candy. xD It's just odd that someone would walk up to a stranger and quote Call Me Maybe (as amusing as that part was), and ask to travel with them. For all she knows, he could be a mass murderer. You've often got to create a reason for people to want to travel together. When making characters, don't think of them as sprites in your comic--think of them as people. Real people with real hopes, dreams, personalities, goals, wants, likes, dislikes, and more. It doesn't make for a very good comic if your characters aren't believable!

2.a) Not only did Elsa just meet him, but now she's buying him clothes and finding him adorable off the bat? I dunno, I would think she would at least need a bit more screen time to be acting this way. I mean, maybe it's just her personality or something, but it's not that believable if it's immediate.

3) On page #23, there's barely anything. The squares are incredibly bare and the first panel is the strangest, with this tiny little cave with cut off edges. Then inside the cave, it's very, very plain. Usually caves are a little more interesting than that. Even having a wall or something would make all the difference. Also, in the last panel, the whole scene has been shifted to the side, which is weird because there's nothing happening off to the left. Keeping things centred is a good idea if there's nothing going on around. Also I found it very odd that Elsa said ONE word for the entire page. She needs more character than that. =/

4) Elsa still hasn't said anything for another two pages. On page 25, she should at least have screamed or said something. On top of that, I don't think the narrator fit very well just coming in there and commentating. I think it would have been much more appropriate if Elsa, for instance, said something like "Oh my, Larvitar jumped out of his poké ball to save you!" or something. And also, Zyon says "would of" when the correct wording is "would have."

5) Zyon just ran off as soon as Silver and Tony's pokemon popped up...but both pokemon have a type disadvantage to his MEGA blaziken. I would at least expect him to try to snag the stone, give that he was so close to it. Also, when Silver and Tony appeared, Fisto didn't even turn to them to talk to them. It seems a little odd is all. You've got a lot to think about when making sprite comics.

As for what I want to see in the comic more, definitely some character development. It was really odd that Elsa attached herself to Fisto like she did, with basically nothing on her mind but "omgiluvhim." And then she said a total of ONE WORD for the next few pages. More attention to pacing would be good too, as some thing seem very stale and rushed.

I think it's great that you're doing a sequel! 8D Awesome. And lel:

"His love interests are also unown (see what i did there? c; )"

Brilliant. XD I think the new protagonist sounds interesting too. Anyway, I'm sorry to go on so much and I hope I don't discourage you. Really, I just want to help you get better and realise some things that you can improve upon. :] I hope you really enjoy making these comics and get some more up when you're ready! 8D

Do you read any other sprite comics? I think if you don't, then you certainly should to get a feel for how they do it, and maybe take some tips from them. :] Reading non-sprite comics or even stories would be just as good of an idea. Anyway, good luck!

Thanks for the feedback!! Here are my responses to some of your points:

- The last few pages were rushed indeed and this SHOULDN'T happen in the future.
- I do tend to read a few other sprite comics here and there
- The whole 'omgiluvhim' thing was a bit random, yes , but I think of it as lust.
- Don't worry! Elsa is just a bit speechless from everything that just had happened xD She will speak in future pages.
- Other reasons on to why she just instantly joined Fisto, will hopefully (if everything goes as planned) be spoiled in future pages or in the sequel.
- Although Zyon did flee from battle after Tony and Silver showed up, even though he had type advantage over BOTH pokemon, He felt that the stone wasn't worth taking when there are 4 TOTAL TRAINERS in his presence who could overwhelm him if he wasn't careful.
- About the "reminds me of ___" part...did i really make it seem like they talked out loud? xD Oops. That will be fixed in the future with the italics (like you suggested).

NEWS ON THE OTHER POKEMON COMIC:

It shall be started shortly. Might be today or next week. We'll see ;)

[Suicune's Fire]

Thanks for the feedback!! Here are my responses to some of your points:

- The last few pages were rushed indeed and this SHOULDN'T happen in the future.
- I do tend to read a few other sprite comics here and there
- The whole 'omgiluvhim' thing was a bit random, yes , but I think of it as lust.
- Don't worry! Elsa is just a bit speechless from everything that just had happened xD She will speak in future pages.
- Other reasons on to why she just instantly joined Fisto, will hopefully (if everything goes as planned) be spoiled in future pages or in the sequel.
- Although Zyon did flee from battle after Tony and Silver showed up, even though he had type advantage over BOTH pokemon, He felt that the stone wasn't worth taking when there are 4 TOTAL TRAINERS in his presence who could overwhelm him if he wasn't careful.
- About the "reminds me of ___" part...did i really make it seem like they talked out loud? xD Oops. That will be fixed in the future with the italics (like you suggested).

NEWS ON THE OTHER POKEMON COMIC:

It shall be started shortly. Might be today or next week. We'll see ;)

No worries, honey! Can I just say, I love how positive you remain even when I harshly criticise you...which I do. XD It's cute. I love optimism! ^-^ And it's good to know I don't offend people! XD

It's good you read other ones. :] I really want to get an old Blue Nuzlocke comic back up (once I make a plot for it xD) because I miss doing it! AND LOL LUST. Well, if you say so. xD Gosh, she must be pretty lonely. I'm glad she'll speak soon. xD

Ahaha the reason will be spoiled, rather than revealed. Love it. True about Zyon and running away. x) Sometimes I point things out like that to challenge you and make sure you've thought of it, haha.

Yep, it sounded like she was speaking aloud. XD Okay, sounds good. Words in italics are universally known as thoughts, so it's always clear. :] Or emphasis. But the difference is usually obvious. xD

Sounds good! x) Keeping me hanging, haha.

[Fistodragon]

Well I promised a few comics when I got out of school but as you can tell....this post is almost a year old now xD As far as getting comics back up on a weekly basis, we'll see. I'll check to see if I have free time tomorrow. NONETHELESS, there should be a comic next week (I PROMISE). I have a job now so time is now cut short. Great to be back~

[Fistodragon]

Spoiler:

Chapter 28!

[Fistodragon]

Funny enough i think i had this comic almost finished for quite some time now lol. I didn't realize i had been gone nearly 2 years (in terms of making comics). I'm hopefully back and will start to pump out more material! I'm going to have some sign-ups for some character ideas in my plot so keep your eyes open.

TLDR; I've been gone for a bit and i got some new stuff happening soon. Here is Chapter 29!

Spoiler:

[Suicune's Fire]

Nice to see you back, @Fistodragon! I like how in page 28 you have a bunch of pokemon in the background. I think it adds to the scene quite nicely! However, page 29 has a lot of bare space where there could be something even as simple as trees, grass, a pond, or a path. Little details like that keep the reader interested. When the whole square is plain, it's uninteresting, even if there are some things going on. Additionally, it would have been good if, when Silver and Fisto walked closer to the weedle, the "camera" changed so that they were more centered. That way, there's less blank space all around. Having a completely plain square except for three small sprites in the very top corner looks quite empty.

Anyway, keep it up! Just remember, adding a few details makes the entire scene look 1000% times better and will only take you an extra few minutes. The last thing you want is your readers getting bored.

[Fistodragon]

Nice to see you back, @Fistodragon! I like how in page 28 you have a bunch of pokemon in the background. I think it adds to the scene quite nicely! However, page 29 has a lot of bare space where there could be something even as simple as trees, grass, a pond, or a path. Little details like that keep the reader interested. When the whole square is plain, it's uninteresting, even if there are some things going on. Additionally, it would have been good if, when Silver and Fisto walked closer to the weedle, the "camera" changed so that they were more centered. That way, there's less blank space all around. Having a completely plain square except for three small sprites in the very top corner looks quite empty.

Anyway, keep it up! Just remember, adding a few details makes the entire scene look 1000% times better and will only take you an extra few minutes. The last thing you want is your readers getting bored.

haha very true xD I had noticed that the comic was done anyway but i should of just tweaked it more. Noted for page 30!

[Suicune's Fire]

haha very true xD I had noticed that the comic was done anyway but i should of just tweaked it more. Noted for page 30!

It's okay! As long as you take it on board and keep it in mind for next time, that's what matters. And if you need any help with the comic at any time, let me know. :)

[Fistodragon]

It's okay! As long as you take it on board and keep it in mind for next time, that's what matters. And if you need any help with the comic at any time, let me know. :)

Noted. Thank you ^_^ Do you happen to have the banner for my comic somewhere? I kinda misplaced it and the photobucket link is expired.

EDIT: Nevermind. Made my own