[PXFIRE] Comics

[Shruikan]

This character appeared in my head a few days ago and has been pestering me to draw her, so I thought, why not make it a comic?

Run free, my friends!

Spoiler:

Panel 1

Establishing shot of a small part of a quiet country town, like you'd find in a JRPG. The buildings are spaced apart, and look more on the side of old fashioned, like medieval houses, while the roads are just dirt paths. There are mainly shops, and is a shop with an oval sigh hanging out in front declaring it a florists.

Kaira is walking down the street. She is glancing excitedly at one of the shops.
Kaira looks like a hybrid of a dragon and a deer, with a deer's legs & hooves, and antlers, a dragonlike snout and small wings. She has a long tail that has two leaves growing from it at the end,. She is mostly green, with a brown patch running from her nose along her back and partway down her tail.

KAIRA: Wow, I never knew that humans sold so many different things!

Panel 2

Kaira turns her head as she walks and notices the florists shop.

Panel 3

Kaira goes all cartoony with a look of horror/dismay, with the thinker outline, single black dot eyes, etc. The background is replaced with a flat single colour.

Does-this-count-as-a-panel/ Panel 3.5

Small black bar running across the page with "Some time later" written inside.

Panel 4

Two humans are walking down a road. They are dressed in the same style as the buildings, tunics and fantasy outfits. One, called Lyra, is female, and the other, Finn, is male. Finn has short light blonde hair and wears mainly red and brown, Lyra has chin length red hair and wears mostly light blue and beige. There are some trees in the background, but otherwise the panel is mainly sky & the people.

LYRA: "Did you hear? Apparently someone broke into the florist earlier and stole all the plants!"

Panel 5

Close up of Finn looking shocked.

FINN: "Who would do such a thing?"

Panel 6

This panel stretches across the entire bottom of the page. The ground is dug up and there is a row of flowers planted haphazardly, with Kaira sitting in the center planting another one, with a huge pile of pants in pots and baskets piled up behind her. You can see a bit of the side of the house nearby; the porch comes onto the the panel at the right hand edge, but just barley. Person 2 is looking the anime like shocked disbelief, with no colour and his jaw dropped.

FINN: Kaira, what are you doing!?

KAIRA: Freeing these plants back into the wild!

Also, this is my 1000th post! :D

[Nekomata]

Apologies for the delays. I work 7 days a week in the lab and I no longer have any sense of what day it is. RIP. I'll get the new prompt up shortly and do critiques/judging later in the evening. I'm glad everyone enjoyed the first prompt- I wanted to make sure at least one week was friendly to those who aren't as experienced with drawing to encourage participation and whatnot. =D

[Nekomata]

Challenge #2 is up guys! Once again, I'm so sorry for the delays. I'll get the judging done ASAP so you guys can get constructive feedback on your scripts. Due to the nature of how these challenges build on each other I would recommend that you wait for the feedback if possible- if not, I want to stress that I am available and willing to offer advice and help with the layouts. Layout is a VERY tricky part of storytelling that is often overlooked. (For reference: I spent 4 weeks on storyboards and layout for one 30 second animation)

If no one minds I'll post the critiques one at a time as I get them done (I'll hit them during breaks) and do the final judging at the end. I feel the feedback is more urgent than scores.

Best of luck guys- and thanks for being patient!

Edit: Please mention/ping or direct message me to get my attention if needed. I'm more likely to notice that way.

[Nekomata]

Week One
Scores!

Pardon the delays in judging. I've moved all the individual critiques into one post at the bottom of the previous page to reduce the clutter. Y'all did great- scripting is no easy feat!

As for scores, I graded each person individually based on the criteria given: Story, Originality, Characters, Organization, and Scope. Each individual score could go up to 500, meaning 100 points per grading criteria. For final points awarded to each member/team, I will add up the total score of ALL participants and dish out a percentage of the 100 points for the round based on those numbers.

Thanks for participating- it's been a lot of fun reading through these!

K'sariya
- Story: 90
- Originality: 80
- Character: 90
- Organization: 100
- Scope: 90

Total: 450

Your script was very detailed and easy to follow. The story overall was solid and in the span of just a few panels you were able to tell us a lot about the character. Great job!

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NobleJanobii
- Story: 80
- Originality: 80
- Character: 70
- Organization: 80
- Scope: 70

Total: 380

Overall your script was fairly strong! You lost points on character since I really didn't learn much about either character other that they're running from people. Lost points on scope for writing a script that couldn't reasonably fit on a single comic page. That aside- it was all pretty solid! Great job!

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Neo Emolga
- Story: 90
- Originality: 90
- Character: 100
- Organization: 90
- Scope: 90

Total: 460

At first I was just "Why is this character so cheery." I was going to take points off for the cheesiness until the last panel reveal made it all worth it. Wonderful twist! Just watch your paneling- it's within scope but for maximum effect you need to take full advantage of your page space.

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VeloJello
- Story: 90
- Originality: 80
- Character: 90
- Organization: 70
- Scope: 100

Total: 430

You really went all out in this one! Scope wise, I can easily see how the panels would all fit. Just watch your formatting a bit.

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Arnisd
- Story: 80
- Originality: 80
- Character: 80
- Organization: 50
- Scope: 70

Total: 360

The story was cute and well thought out! Just be sure to make your script clear and concise so that anyone could easily read it and make a page from it.

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evanfardreamer
- Story: 70
- Originality: 70
- Character: 50
- Organization: 30
- Scope: 90

Total: 310

Overall an interesting premise- but I find myself wanting more out of the page. You'd be surprised how much information you could squeeze into a single comic page. And of course- watch the organization. Good job though!

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Coru
- Story: 70
- Originality: 70
- Character: 70
- Organization: 80
- Scope: 90

Total: 400

Interesting premise but I find myself wanting to know more about the MC before throwing her into a situation like this. There's a lot you can tell about a character just through visuals. It does seem like a cut out of a larger story and that might be what hurts this- we don't have the background information on what's going on. Overall it was interesting and well put together though!

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Shruikan
- Story: 100
- Originality: 90
- Character: 100
- Organization: 90
- Scope: 100

Total: 480

Your story was simple and funny. It's hard to fit a story in one page and have it all tie up neatly with a bow at the end without feeling rushed. You were very good at setting your character. Incredible job!


Point Distribution

Total: 3250

K'sariya: 450/3250 = 14 points
NobleJanobii: 380/3250 = 12 points
Neo Emolga: 460/3250 = 14 points
VeloJello: 430/3250 = 13 points
Arnisd: 360/3250 = 11 points
evanfardreamer: 310 = 9 points
Coru: 380/3250 = 12 points
Shruikan: 480 = 15 points

Values were rounded up/down as needed to ensure beautiful whole numbers were present.

Points by Team

Avalon Apostles: 68 Points
The Sabotage Squadron: 23 Points
The Order of the Sun: 9 Points

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Just a reminder that Challenge #2 is up on the first page!
@K'sariya @Noblejanobii @Neo Emolga @VeloJello @arnisd @evanfardreamer @Coru @Shruikan

[VeloJello]

Quick question, Neko! Can we adapt the script of the page that we're working on slightly - like, if we find an action that should go in one panel, or one panel that works better as two, can we make that change so long as it still delivers the writer's message?

[Nekomata]

Quick question, Neko! Can we adapt the script of the page that we're working on slightly - like, if we find an action that should go in one panel, or one panel that works better as two, can we make that change so long as it still delivers the writer's message?

You are free to edit your script! Just include the edited script so I can compare it to layouts.

[Nekomata]

I've seen some chit chat elsewhere in the forums and would like to reiterate:

The art need not be highly detailed or even fully sketched. Just the bare minimum to express what is going on! So don't stress over it.

Also, I assure y'all that the last challenge will not involve making 2-5 pages of comics. I'm not that evil. Well... I am. But not on this. I've done my best to keep every step of this challenge doable within a week without being too crazy. (I'd have loved a week four for this, honestly) Have faith in yourselves and keep at it! Comics are a lot of work but definitely a rewarding hobby~!

Also y'all have til tomorrow night... though if I see entries posted after the deadline and before I start judging I won't notice. ;)

[Bulbasaur]

I've seen some chit chat elsewhere in the forums and would like to reiterate:

The art need not be highly detailed or even fully sketched. Just the bare minimum to express what is going on! So don't stress over it.

Also, I assure y'all that the last challenge will not involve making 2-5 pages of comics. I'm not that evil. Well... I am. But not on this. I've done my best to keep every step of this challenge doable within a week without being too crazy. (I'd have loved a week four for this, honestly) Have faith in yourselves and keep at it! Comics are a lot of work but definitely a rewarding hobby~!

Also y'all have til tomorrow night... though if I see entries posted after the deadline and before I start judging I won't notice. ;)

I am trying to get something done, it's just taking a little longer since the week two prompt also requires me to do the week one prompt.

[Nekomata]

I am trying to get something done, it's just taking a little longer since the week two prompt also requires me to do the week one prompt.

Yeah- don't stress about the detail and formatting of the script. It's not going to be scored at this point. Worst case, just provide a quick outline of what is going to happen. All the grading will be done on the layouts themselves and how they tell the story. The script is just so I know what the story is meant to be.

[Bulbasaur]

Yeah- don't stress about the detail and formatting of the script. It's not going to be scored at this point. Worst case, just provide a quick outline of what is going to happen. All the grading will be done on the layouts themselves and how they tell the story. The script is just so I know what the story is meant to be.

I just feel people that didn't do week one are at a bit of a disadvantage, and that kinda stinks. But I'll try my best!