[PXFIRE] Comics

[Nekomata]

Bear with me here: I'm doing these critiques on my little tablet. ^_^' I won't be at my laptop until late tonight.

@Neo Emolga

Spoiler:

Here we are! A final product! Do you feel good for completing this? Cause you should feel good. You did an amazing thing- and that's creating a comic page! =D Congrats!

Anyway- let's see.... I do love the simplistic style you went with on our character. Simple is good if you're going for cute/happier tones. It's also very readable which makes it easy to see what's going on. You can tell a lot of effort went into that last panel alone- I applaud you for that. Backgrounds are challenging- especially any form of city scape.

Overall, I really like this~! It came out nicely! Some things worth changing, however:
- The lighting in the first few panels is very cold. If we're going for that happy tone to help increase the impact of the last panel, I'd go for some nice warm 'god rays' to give a sense of warmth. Maybe try and reduce the amount of gruge/wear in the indoor panels- maybe our Furret has cleaned up his 'base' to make it feel homey. The contrast would help!
- Panel four's speech bubble is a bit on the big side so it's covering some of the objects. Same with panel three. I'd use a smaller font or have less space between lines of text. That should help.

Again- GREAT JOB!

@arnisd

Spoiler:

As I told Neo- you should be proud! Give yourself a pat on your back. Comics are hard (tm). The page came out quite nicely- though there's always room for improvement. Everything reads well and I can easily see what's going on. Now for some suggestions on improvement!

- Panels are still next to each other. I recommend space between panels to help keep the page as a whole more readable.

- Again with the establishing shot- Don't be afraid to give those room to breathe!

- Good speech bubble cropping!

- Art is a touch on the rough side but it's all readable. I know color wasn't a requirement here, but I'd love to see this colored one day!

@VeloJello

Spoiler:

A round of applause for finishing a comic page! Honestly, it looks -awesome-! I honestly don't have much constructive criticism here- it's a very solid page. If anything, maybe some action lines to help give a sense of motion but that's more a minor thing. You sense of color is strong and the gold lighting is a beautiful touch. Maybe have some of it reflect on the water below her in the last panel- or just more gold atmosphere going on there- after the two middle panels I almost feel like we need some in the last panel to tie it in a bit. Otherwise GREAT JOB.

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Scoring: No fancy formatting today. On tablet. XD

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Neo Emolga
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Art: 90
Story: 90
Emotion: 80
Final: 90

Total: 350

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Arnisd
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Art: 80
Story: 80
Emotion: 80
Final: 80

Total: 320

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VeloJello
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Art: 100
Story: 90
Emotion: 90
Final: 90

Total: 370

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Total Points: 1040

Neo Emolga: 33 Points
Arnisd: 30 Points
VeloJello: 37 Points

Percentages rounded up/down. Ended up with 99 ponts- gave it to Velo.
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Avalon Apostles: 70 Points
Sabotage Squadron: 30 Points