Words From The Grave {poetry}

[Suicune's Fire]

guilt has finally let me free.

I think this might be better as "set me free" or "freed me." ;]

Through the rain, sunbeams seep,
Painting a colourful ribbon-like strip.

"Seep" and "strip" don't quite rhyme. xD Strip would have to be said like "Streep..."

Through the rain, sunbeams seep,
Painting a colourful Meryl Streep.

XD

From the dark gloomy sky,
Fall frozen teardrops of ice.

"sky" and "ice" most certainly do not rhyme. xD As well as that, "ice" was used on the line before "From the dark gloomy sky."

You also spelled "Spatial" wrong twice, putting a c where there should be a t. In that same poem, you also rhymed "before" with "before." xD Doesn't count if it's the same word.

I really enjoyed all your poems. O: Notably the Sun and Moon one, and also Roar of Time. Changing Seasons was pretty awesome too. :] Some of the rhymes are questionable, but mostly they flow really well and have great substance to them. :D Well done. ^^ Sorry I didn't read any earlier. :C


~SF.

[Ganyu]

I think this might be better as "set me free" or "freed me." ;]

Actually, you're right! Thanks~ :3

"Seep" and "strip" don't quite rhyme. xD Strip would have to be said like "Streep..."
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Good point, I didn't notice the difference until you mentioned. Rhyming is tough XD;

"sky" and "ice" most certainly do not rhyme. xD As well as that, "ice" was used on the line before "From the dark gloomy sky."

Why did I not realize this? ;o That moment when you look back on your first ever poem and cringe XD

You also spelled "Spatial" wrong twice, putting a c where there should be a t. In that same poem, you also rhymed "before" with "before." xD Doesn't count if it's the same word.

Actually 'spacial' is just an alternate spelling of 'spatial' xD I just stuck to the move's original word form. Speaking of rhyme, I don't like using corny rhymes or rhymes that are used for rhyming's sake. While reusing the same word may be unprofessional, I do think it counts and has a bit of repetitive device. x3

I really enjoyed all your poems. O: Notably the Sun and Moon one, and also Roar of Time. Changing Seasons was pretty awesome too. :] Some of the rhymes are questionable, but mostly they flow really well and have great substance to them. :D Well done. ^^ Sorry I didn't read any earlier. :C


~SF.[/COLOR][/FONT]

Thanks very much for the critique x3 Haha, it's alright. xD

[Suicune's Fire]

Actually, you're right! Thanks~ :3

Good point, I didn't notice the difference until you mentioned. Rhyming is tough XD;

Why did I not realize this? ;o That moment when you look back on your first ever poem and cringe XD

Actually 'spacial' is just an alternate spelling of 'spatial' xD I just stuck to the move's original word form. Speaking of rhyme, I don't like using corny rhymes or rhymes that are used for rhyming's sake. While reusing the same word may be unprofessional, I do think it counts and has a bit of repetitive device. x3

Thanks very much for the critique x3 Haha, it's alright. xD

xD No worries!

Lol yes, rhyming is tough. If you don't already have something to help you rhyme, Rhymezone is helpful. :D I've used it many a time.

XDD haha, well if it's your first one ever then you have an excuse. x3

Oh wow, I didn't even know that. XD Nice to know. And yes, I know, but a word doesn't rhyme with itself. xD It's like saying a colour matches itself. I could understand if you were talking about repeating the word two lines down, but considering you were rhyming everywhere else, it doesn't fit trying to rhyme with itself. But whatever; it's your poem. xD

No worries. 8D

[Ganyu]

Oh wow, I didn't even know that. XD Nice to know. And yes, I know, but a word doesn't rhyme with itself. xD It's like saying a colour matches itself. I could understand if you were talking about repeating the word two lines down, but considering you were rhyming everywhere else, it doesn't fit trying to rhyme with itself. But whatever; it's your poem. xD

I do agree that it breaks the rhythm. But *whispers* I like to be a rebel sometimes XD;;