The Last Poster Wins! [v8]

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

*RK: Your REAL allies are spared your hammering wrath, because you are actually not in a state of panic, just a self-fabricated one because you have Morale and LITERALLY CANNOT PANIC. The otherwise risky attack becomes Awesome AND Practical due to your lack of Panic. You DO successfully maul MK with it. A lot.*

*MK TAKES 479,257,145,870,914,297,257,250,159,195 DAMAGE!! MINOR BLOW! Who would have thought a former final boss would be such a pain in the a**?!*

*S2: A candy-loaded bottle Rocket shoots forth and nails MK. Unfortunately, you miss his mouth, but his DIABETES meter has not gone down, nor has he calmed down, so your attack registers for damage anyways.*

*MK TAKES 15,754,701,879,475 DAMAGE! BARELY ANYTHING! Apparently that Earthbound favorite is utterly c**p in this game.*

*You have 2 action points remaining, between FE, DG and the ND. If DG has any candy/emotion based offense, now would be a perfect time to use it, because you'll need to raise it again to do damage next round, (It's not like MACHOKARP's insulin generation, but you still need to raise it for unkown reasons), and MK WILL be finished charging, and ready to go.*

[Sonic20]

Dimentio's Ghost: Can't I just dispel his "charged" effect?

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

**The Narrator uses LV. 1 EXPOSITION POWERS.**

*No, you idiot. He was tired last action and was unable to act because of it. Like Hyper Beam. It is not an actual status condition, and MOBSTER KINGPIN is currently in a completely normal state, aside from his risen EMOTIONS and DIABETES bars.*

*Oh, and by the way, you blew it again, moron. My LV. 1 EXPOSITION POWERS have counted as your action, and have costed 1 action point from your total, leaving you with one. I would advise you to facepalm from your stupidity, but that would waste another action point and you would accomplish nothing, leaving 2/5ths of your round a waste.. The SMT3 Action System is merciless. Next round, try to...You know...Do something more productive. After all...If you're defeated like this, you die for real. No respawns. No instant-revival powers. No nothing. You'd ought to be more careful with your actions in the future. Moron.*

**END LV. 1 EXPOSITION POWERS.**

*In light of your second wasted action, the ND decides to do something more productive, and launches a Jaw-breaker bomb at MK. It's low IMAGINATION stat doesn't stop it from working. It lands in MK's mouth!*

*MK's DIABETE'S METER is now 1/8th full! Also, MK has taken 2,497,254,709 DAMAGE from the blast, which, natch, isn't much. Again, LOW IMAGINATION.*

*MK is now ready to attack! He's angry now. He unleashes his dual-strike attack on his former HIRED MUSCLES, HIT THE MATTRESSES. Two mattresses appear and hover above the sausages he calls fingers, spinning rapidly. His PULCHRITUDE stat surges as a wave of said PULCHRITUDE connects to the HIRED MUSCLES for a SUPEREFFECTIVE BLOW! They take half their HP in damage, but now join MK's side, though they lack the capacity to add to the Action Point pool or anything. MK combos into his MAT-TRES-HA-ME-HA attack, and the two mattresses now merge into one larger mattress, which turns into a pool of PURE PULCHRITUDE, which he fires at DG!*

*The attack brings him to 1 HP! It technically consumed 1 action point, but there were less action points than 1, so it just consumed the rest. DG is in critical condition, and SHOULD consider doling out a defensive barrier against MK (those rocks would NOT have worked against THAT monster of an attack) or finding a way to heal an incredible amount of HP in a turn whist keeping somewhat protected from the mighty offensive of MK! Otherwise, you're going to get killed off for real. Nothing can save you then.*

*Perhaps a COMB RAVE is in order? You DO have the required IMPETUS COMBS for LV. 2 through LV. 8 COMB RAVEs, after all, though it is a bad idea to expend them all on JUST one foe! You might want to think it over. Keep in mind, DG's SUCKLE RECEPTACLE has been destroyed, so he can't use it. Which might be a good thing, considering how many actions he's wasted. JOCOSE HONEY is hard to come by!*

[Sonic20]

Oh for god's sakes... *uses genesis on dimentio, healing 65% of his HP*

Dimentio's Gost: Thanks for wasting you action points. Now then, there's once force that is pretty much an OHKO to this guy... USE ALL 5 ACTION POINTS TO RAISE THE RUSSIAN FLAG!

ALL OF A SUDDEN THE GROUND TREMBLES AND MILLIONS OF ARMED FORCES ARE COMING FROM NOWHERE

IT'S THE SOVIET MARCH



THEY UTTERLY DESTROY MOBSTER KINGPIN SO HARD THAT HE CAN NOT GRASP THE TRUE FORM OF TANK ATTACK, AND THEREFORE SPENDS THE REST OF HIS LIFE IN A CORNER CRYING ST THR HORROR WHEN HE RESPAWNS.

Dimentio's Ghost: That just happened.

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

*Your attempt to expend all your action points to summon the armed forces of Russia. Unfortunately, not only is MK himself RUSSIAN, which would render the attack utterly useless and expend all your action points even if they didn't, you have already expended 1 action point, thereby leaving you with 4, thereby making your attempt to expend all 5, again, useless. You expend all 4 remaining action points regardless, however, in your failed attempt to do something productive.*

???: IDIOT!!

*You hear a yell through a wall. It's clearly more insults thrown at Dimentio for his lack of knowledge in using this utterly ruthless system. MK, infuriated, forgets about you entierly and uses his Action Point to flip the right wall around with a lever.*

*You see a man with a purple hat, adorned with the number 4. He is small and green, like a Leprechaun, and in fact, probably thus. He's tied to a rope and has a purple eye, but otherwise is fine.*

*The HIRED MUSCLES attempt to attack the unknown Leprechaun, but they both miss and hit each other for 597,017,470 damage, which, in their cases, is minor. In any case, the baddies have expended all their action points, so you now have all 5 action points to do stuff with. MK does summon more HIRED MUSCLE, but they can't do anything yet, so...Yhea. Go on. Try something else.*

???: Oi, free me! As far as he's concerned, I'm on your side! catch me and him in an AoE, I won't get hurt, trust me!

*Your decision to trust the #4 Leprechaun that he's on your side or that he won't get harmed is entirely yours.*

[Sonic20]

As that post was wasted doing horribly nothing, dimentio being the cheating jerk that he is, attached a 1 manually to the end of his action points meter.

If the Russian army didn't work, we're going to have to dig deeper into the realm of command and conquer.

JAPANESE MARCH. HE LITERALLY STANDS LESS OF A CHANCE THEN A GRAIN OF SAND BEING IMPALED BY THE MOON THAT HAS FIFTY BILLION POUNDS OF DYNAMITE STRAPPED TO IT AND IS APPROACHING AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT. FEEL IT.



SERIOUSLY, THIS ARMY IS LIKE THE OLDER BROTHER OF THE OLDER BROTHER OF THE RUSSIAN ARMY THAT HAS BEEN WORKING OUT EVERY FIVE MINUTES AND MAKES PLANET EARTH LOOK WEAK IN COMPARISON.

THEY HAVE LIKE 1000 GIGANTIC TRANSFORMERS.

MK CANNOT SURVIVE, EVEN IF HE IS JAPANESE SOMEHOW.

Dmentio's Ghost: Surely it will work.

Oh god, this won't work.

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

(Is this just a gag right now? Because trust me, OHKOs don't work on bosses!)

*You had utterly failed to raise his DIABETES or EMOTIONS meters, so he wound up impervious to the assault. His 4 muscles were all killed, however. The Leprechaun, somehow managing to evade the entire assault despite being tied to a rope, is now free. The Japanese army goes away in shame for not even scratching what appeared to be a normal guy despite hitting him a c**pton.*

MK: Har. You haven't even seen my worst, and you'd better hope it STAYS that way, see?

???: OH THANK YOU! I was honestly in far less trouble than it seemed, but being tied up is still a terrible experience! Name's Clover.

Clover: You guy seem to already have an idea on how to kill this ba****d. Except for the ghost over there, he's an idiot. Likely to die if he doesn't get his act together.

Clover: Ain't a figher, and I can't do anything else yet, buuuut...*Clover pulls something out of his pocket. It's an Action Point! He shoves it in front of your current 5. You now have 6. Of course, no technique exists that expends all six at once, so yay*

RT: *Feeling kind of weird still.* OK...*Fires the Blunderbass into the mouth of MK!*

*80% PELLET ACCURACY!*

*MK's DIABETES meter is now 3/16ths up! Now is an ideal time to strike!*

*MK's emotions gauge has dropped. He is now cold as ice.*

*MK is also VERY angry with you right now. Now, he feels, is the time to get a taste of his OWN kind of army! MK Uses LV. 99 MAFIA SIGNAL: NANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANA MAFIAMAN!!*

*His near-max PULCHRITUDE stat summons an ARMY of high-rank low-lifes to your position, and fire a freaking C**PTON OF BULLETS at RK1/MAX and RT!*

*MAX...Somehow, again, takes absolutely no damage for no explainable reason...I'M STILL LOOKING INTO IT, FOLKS! SHE SHOULDN'T BE INVINCIBLE LIKE THIS! On the other hand, RT is nowhere NEAR as lucky. SEVERE DAMAGE!!*

RT: GAH! Why are you doing this to a 12-year old girl?!

MK: It's a 12-year old girl that can hold a battleaxe taller than she is, and she's trying to kill us! THAT'S WHY, SEE?!!

*It's your turn. Again. 6 Action Points to go. DON'T F***IT UP THIS TIME! He's probably got an immunity to Armies due to his currently unbelievable PULCHRITUDE, though, so I wouldn't try that. It'll probably end badly. Oh, yes, your MORALE has worn off.*

[Sonic20]

OBJECTION!



DG: That's where you're wrong, narrator!

DG: You THINK they did nothing, but... THEY WERE LOADED WITH ONE THING HE'S WEAK TO!

DG: Allow me to inspect this large bombshell. And what's all around the explosion? Sugar. That's right, I told them to load their weapons with candy!

DG: They laughed at me until I banished one to the void. Then, they obeyed.

DG: So, any last words before the absurd amount of sugar takes you down, Mobster Kingpin?

Sonic20: Man, you just went all ace attorney up in here.

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

(Rev took a while, OK? This is going to take a bit too. :P MK really was a Final Boss, after all, and he's a f***ing GOD!)

*COUNTER-OBJECTION!*

*Candy is not actually his weakness. In fact, he only has...How do I put it...A Lack of invulnerabilities. Or, rather, invulnerability: Without a recently-raised DIABETES or EMOTIONS meter, he's immune to everything EXCEPT the power of PURE PULCHRITUDE. A physical weapon that pulses PURE PULCHRITUDE doesn't come in a common variety, or even a uncommon or merely rare variety. Indeed, the weapons that have the PULCHRITUDE ENERGY are in such lack of quality that you are dead certain only a part of an army could wield it. On that note, MK had his face towards Clover as you shot him, away from the army. You hadn't a shot to get him with the DIABETES-based attack. On a double-note, his ridiculously high PULCHRITUDE from HIT THE MATTRESSES would have rendered...Oh, 90% of the intended damage meaningless, assuming you had his DIABETES METER raised. Look, just be thankful you got rid of his minions (who have done an astonishing lack of actions), gotten an EXTRA ACTION POINT, and all that jazz.*

*For the record, you ARE facing a former Final Boss. It'll probably take as long as Rev did, as long as you're not talking final forms here. He's unlikely to don it in front of you, thankfully, that would just take too long for all of us. On that note, there is a way to get his absurd defensive stats down: inflate his DIABETES and EMOTIONS meter to ridiculous levels. Both make him more likely to take damage the higher they go, and EMOTIONS also lowers all of his stats. In other words: Just stuff his mouth full of sugar or shove it in a ROMANCE NOVEL, and the battle will become far easier.*

*You're lucky that this verbal spar didn't cost you action points. You have 6 remaining, MK has got 3/4ths of his health bar remaining, his DIABETES (3/16) is acting up from RT's final action last round, and he's got 0 on the EMOTIONS meter. What's your moves?*

Rin-Tazz:...Oh, for the love of everything!!

*RT uses POINT BLANK CHOCOLATETECH LV 99: CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!*

*RT gets up dangerously close (-1 DEF, -1 SP. DEF) to shoot a massive laser of CHOCOLATE at MK'S mouth! It all goes in!! OH, THE HUMANITY!!*

*MK'S DIABETES METER IS 7/8th's full! He will lose his next turn choking from the sheer volume of CHOCOLATE ENERGY that was just shot through his mouth! That didn't do any damage...BUT! NOOOOOOOW you can use a crazy-a** move that does a lot of damage, AND IT WILL ACTUALLY DO MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF F***ING DAMGE!! REJOICE!! I would not advise it involve any armies, though, MK's PULCHRITUDE is still capped and you'll lose too much damage to do anything other than scratch damage. 5 action points remain! MAKE 'EM COUNT!!*

[Sonic20]

Well, there goes any redeeming qualities he had.

DG: I think I hate you now.

Anyways, let me finish this sucker! I USE 1 ACTION POINT TO DO THE WINDY THING!

*five minutes later*

And there's his seizure.

*dimentio's ghost is on the ground drooling ectoplasm and MK is probably doing the same only without ectoplasm*

CHAIN COOOOOMBO! *dashes over to MK, flips him over, and draws that massive light saber you could use in epic battle fantasy 4, and proceeds to utterly slaughter MK doing mighty damage with an impressive combo, followed by Summon: Cinos02, as he is the same person as me technically, we are the same level, and we both jump in the air, and use a double falcon punch.*



*I then use my 1 last remaining action point to use heal more, healing the group*