Shadow End.

[Suicune's Fire]

xD I totally know the feeling. You're NEVER your own best proof-reader. xD And by "Your" I mean everyone. xD ...And by that I mean that everyone is not their own best proof reader--not you are never anyone's best proof reader...you know what, Imma stop typing on this subject. xD

Wow, how did he even find them? XD It would be handy if I had access to my Through the Eyes of a Flareon thread because those were all properly formatted for forum posting and all. ;A; I have deviantart to get them off at least, and those are only minor edits I'd need to make. xD /stops making it about me

And I'm sure you'll be able to answer our questions perfectly! 8D You're a great writer so I have no doubt. AND YOU'LL MAKE IT SUPER INTERESTING IN THE MEANTIME!
Yay Tanie. <3

Whell, here's the next chapter's review! I intend to read the third chapter before I go to sleep tonight but I'll post my feedback for chapter two now just in case I don't finish three before I crash. xD

My vision was complete blurred.

IT WAS COMPLETE BLURRED.

Think... think... think...
With every step I took, I felt my senses return. I could smell the musty room and how old and abandoned it was. I could feel my fur begin to rise from my skin a little as it dried. The staircase was hot, yet shut off at the top. My eyes squinted a little at the lines of golden light that connected to make a square. Was it a trapdoor?
Without really thinking about it, I allowed my arms to stretch up, to push.

Had there been others like me? Had they woken, too, in eerie rooms with a humanoid voice with nothing surrounding them but cables and the loudest silence they’d ever heard? Did they panic? Did they feel deadened, like me? Could they remember anything? Did they know why they were here?
And thinking of these things made me remember, with a rush of stinging in my eyes, the smell of forests and the feel of a carpet of pine needles beneath my feet.

I’d just have to wait.
Keep pacing, keep pacing.

“Lorcan?” she said again, and I realised through the haze of sickening sadness that she probably wanted someone just as much as I did. She had been even closer to them than I had been, unable to call out, unable to move...
I raised my head, stars swirling in front of my eyes, and looked at her.

Sand slipped in disturbed ripples as I made my way to her, my fur shaking off clumps. She looked up at me with scared eyes as I reached her helpless form, and I had the urge to lift her out of the sand- but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to, because I knew that if I did, I’d put someone else’s problems on my shoulders as well as my own- and I’d have done it by choice. I didn’t want responsibility. Not yet.
I turned my back, and offered her my tail. She scrabbled onto it, hauling herself out of the sand, climbing up the fur on my back and finally flopping with her head besides mine.

Considering it kept repeating, I wasn't sure if the non-separating of those paragraphs was intentional or not. Considering you had a lot of other things on their own, in separate paragraphs (like small sentences), I assumed it was a simple editing error. If I'm wrong and they're not meant to be spaced out like the other paragraphs, tell me so I don't keep repeating this. XD

THOSE ARE ALL THE ERRORS I SPOTTED THOUGH SO BE HAPPY! 8D Anyways, I remember this chapter and it's as awesome as it was the first time. c: I love how cute and innocent Tanie is and it makes me wonder just what happened in order for that nasty shadowiness to fail its job. I haven't read chapter three yet as I write this, although I DO recall shadow pokemon in the original third chapter if I'm remembering it right, so I guess I'll get answers in a few minutes when I start reading it. XD But anyway, it's funny that Team Snagem (presuming this is their work) would capture a rattata like her and think themselves to be so evil and powerful... It's like:

Spoiler:

Anyway, I found it interesting that you introduced seemingly the main character in the second chapter. And he also learns things fast, like remembering his best friend. I really wonder what the heck happened with those two and how Lorcan ended up separated from him. :C And what Lorcan said about Tanie was interesting. About her large family/pack thing. I mean, if she could have been a part of many rattata, I wonder what sort of situations the others could possibly be in. I mean, haha, you could have been about to cure some massive disease in your pack and then you were suddenly captured... xD Many possibilities, anyhow.

One thing that really stuck to me about when Lorcan was first looking around/beginning to explore was this:

All around me were scattered pieces of paper, obviously holding human information that would give me clues as to where I was- but I couldn’t read them. It was just a jumble of symbols that wavered slightly beneath my desperate gaze. Knowing that answers were fluttering beneath my feet, spiralling past my body, whirling above my head... it made me angry.

The idea that the answers ARE JUST THERE...and he can't reach them. Literally under his nose, and he's aware of it, yet still out of reach. Man that would be painful, and so very taunting. Cruel. =/ I liked how that led into him feeling emotion though. That's ONE good thing to come of those wretched papers. xD

It's nice how he and Tanie are travelling together now. I would definitely want a companion early on in that journey, especially if you don't know where the crap you're going or what you should be searching for. And, of course, it would get incredibly lonely. =/ Good thing Tanie found him as well as him finding Tanie! c: I also liked the way you described Lorcan coming out of the tank and basically relearning how to MOVE. The pain, the dizziness, the confusion... It would all be so disorientating, of course, and you captured it really well. As well as the confusion, the absence of memories, etc. But then slowly gaining his memory throughout the day and piecing together small fragments of his past...painful fragments, at that, which he knows had something to do with his capture, well...it would be really, really hard. I imagine that, even if he doesn't discuss the memories or problems he's having with Tanie, having SOMEONE there is a small comfort. I like Lorcan's distance towards her, too, such as how he was reluctant to assume responsibility for any part of her existence by pulling her out of the sand. xD GOSH LORCAN YOU'RE THINKING SO MUCH INTO THIS. I can't wait to read where their relationship goes because it sounds like the potential for an awesome friendship. XD

I spent ages on that picture for some reason so I won't read the third chapter now, but I'll definitely read it tomorrow. :3 THIS CHAPTER WAS AWESOME AND I'M EXCITED TO READ THE NEXT. <3 WELL DONE.


CHAPTER THREE:

They, the Pokémon, were going to ‘have their hearts closed’.

The full stop should be within the quotation. x)

“You also were curious, you stupid beast, you also wanted to see if anyone had come near the mountain or desert!”

The comma after "beast" should be a semicolon because it's the start of a new sentence. x)

Jomas snarled quietly, taking a few threatening steps towards Gorigan with eyes dark with fury.

I don't know how pernickety you are about repetition, but there are two "with"s in close quarters of each other in this sentence. I thought of something to replace it with before but then I forgot. xD

“We all came from the laboratory, that’s where Cipher operated at one point in its career.”

The comma after "laboratory" should be a semicolon because what follows is a new sentence. x)

“We are Team Darkspace. Follow us.”

XDDDDDDD I read that first as "WE ARE TEAM DUNSPARCE."

I remember this chapter now, and reading it again makes more sense. x) I enjoyed it a lot, especially meeting Fein who I think is pretty cool. O: Although I don't know much about her yet, obviously. The shadow pokemon are a little creepy. I'm curious to know what they have planned for Fein, and if they're going to force her to turn into a shadow. Either that or they'll find out she doesn't want to be turned and there'll be chaos... o_o

I'm also curious to find out how these characters all link together, and if they'll meet up soon. c: And ugh...it's scary to know that pokemon can be normal one day and practically evil the next, and worse yet, they WANT to be that way. o.o Makes me wonder if they're elemental at all, or if they're just shadow. Considering they seemed to think that Fein's dual typing was "filthy." RUDE. srsly.

Anyway I'm super interested to see where this goes. As of yet I can't really predict anything aside from some of the characters (I like how there are many of them by the way xD) meeting up, but I'd have no idea how that would happen and where they would go from there. Aside from the hint that Cipher has packed up and moved to Pyrite... Eerie!

Great job so far. C: Loving the nostalgia and looking forward to reading what's next! :D


~SF.