Hi there. Iͦͧͬt͉̭͎̋ͤ̏’s̅̔̔ͣͧ̑ ͉̳̱̘̀̃ͮ̋a̙̮͖͖̹nar̟̬͔͎̦͔̮c̯̗͎hy ̪͈̥͍̰̦̳c̼̩̠͖̞̀̎̽̂̈́a̎ͬlḽ͖͇͔̌͒ͭ͛i̳͉ng!̝͉̜͂̍ͫ


DEMONIC MASTER RNG, setting ē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀verything on firē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀…

NOBLEJANOBII as Shinx and SLICKSLACK as Palpito͈̦̟͕̣͍͚ad to the SLAUGHTERHOUSE!
@Noblejanobii @SlickSlack

NOBLEJANOBII
SUPERPOWERS:
COMPENSATOR [LEVEL 1] – Add thrē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀e more stages of Pokémon̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽ to your Lineups!
RAGE MODE [LEVEL 1] (CURRENT STREAK: 0) - After a losing streak of 2, you get +2 HP for all future battles and you attack twice for the first 5 turns. When you win, the buffs are removed until you hit a loss streak of 2 or more again.
ACTIVE BUFFS: <None>

VS

SLICKSLACK
WHEEL MASTER [LEVEL 1] – ALWAYS have the Wheel option after winning and Wheel people, including yourself, as much as you likē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀! No Wheelie items needed for you!
ACTIVE BUFFS: MIGHTY SHIELD

The MACABRE COIN OF D̰ͭẢR̗̗̙̗ͥ͛ͮͬK̹͕̖̦̩̞̍̎ͣ̽̽̂ ̼̗̻̫̤͗͊͐͒ͫH̫̙̬̦̼̲ͮͯ̽̓̎́O̔͐͆̽̿͑LO͙̦̠̠̱͖̬̓́ͫͫͥ͊ͩC̻̠ͅ ̻A̙̖̱̱̝Û̀ͫ̍S̜̠̾̅T͇S͙͕͖̝͔̙̜͊ͥ̄͊̆̓͑ has declared SLICKSLACK strikes first blooͩd!


TURN 1
SLICKSLACK begins the slaughter with Bitē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀! She takes a big chomp of out a jugular vein̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽!
NOBLEJANOBII uses Cross Cho͈̦̟͕̣͍͚p! And now there’s a Squirtle in four separate pieces!

TURN 2
SLICKSLACK uses G-Max Vinē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀ Lash! She whips her slaves into o͈̦̟͕̣͍͚bedience!
NOBLEJANOBII uses Baddy Bad! Nah, she’d rather n̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽ot do something with a stupid name like that!

TURN 3
SLICKSLACK uses Darkest Lariat! But she prefers things with blades and knives.
NOBLEJANOBII usē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀s Razor Shell! But she misses and tosses it into the crowd!

TURN 4
SLICKSLACK uses Stored Power! She overloads the reactor at the n̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽uclear power plant!
NOBLEJANOBII uses Bolt Strike! Except she zaps a Pidgey to a crisp instead!

TURN 5
SLICKSLACK uses Dragon Hammē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀r! Except Smaug tells her to͈̦̟͕̣͍͚ piss off and buy her own.
NOBLEJANOBII uses Stomp! She turns a Caterpie into a puddle of goo!

TURN 6
SLICKSLACK uses Ice Burn! She melts a glacier, doing her part for accelerating climate change!
NOBLEJANOBII uses Ingrain! She stitches the bo͈̦̟͕̣͍͚dies of her victims to the ground!

TURN 7
SLICKSLACK uses Submission! She forces her slaves to hear and o͈̦̟͕̣͍͚bey her dark command!
NOBLEJANOBII uses Camouflage! And n̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽ow the authoritiē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀s will never find the bodies!

TURN 8
SLICKSLACK uses Block! She seals off the exits before making the mine collapse!
NOBLEJANOBII uses Covet! Shē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀ uses a bloodletter to satisfy her thirst for that sweet, sweet blood!

TURN 9
SLICKSLACK uses Baton Pass! But she instead hands the next runner a stick o͈̦̟͕̣͍͚f dynamite!
NOBLEJANOBII uses Mach Punch! But she instead beheads a Mime Jr with a flamin̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽g fist!

TURN 10
SLICKSLACK uses Frost Breath! But she only vomits all over her next victim.
NOBLEJANOBII uses Multi-Attack! She strikes multiple audience members at the same time!

Ladies, we’re n̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽ot getting any younger here and we’d all likē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀ to get this done before our eyes sink into the back of our skulls. Wake up and get with the program!
AGLOME OEN strikes both SLICKSLACK and NOBLEJANOBII for 1HP DAMAGE! SLICKSLACK (1/3) NOBLEJANOBII (1/3)
Now do somethin̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽g!

TURN 11
SLICKSLACK uses Bone Club! But shē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀ prefers using the skeletal remains o͈̦̟͕̣͍͚f her victims for stabbing weapons.
NOBLEJANOBII uses Grudge! But she’d rather pursue an̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽ actual murder instead.

TURN 12
SLICKSLACK uses Heat Crash! She drops a furnace from the roof down to the people below!
NOBLEJANOBII uses Tailwind! But she overdoes it and causes a plane to crash!

TURN 13
SLICKSLACK uses Leech Life! But she bites an inn̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽ocent Pichu and realizes her fangs haven’t fully developed yet.
NOBLEJANOBII uses Strength Sap! But she gets it wrong and only causē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀s everyone at the hospital to become anemic.

TURN 14
SLICKSLACK uses Taunt! She laughs and throws in̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽sults at her victims! Before cutting them up, of course.
NOBLEJANOBII uses Retaliate! She gets back at the bullies she used to know in grammar school! And now they’ll all have to have closed casket funerals.

TURN 15
SLICKSLACK usē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀s Razor Wind! But it’s actually a rapidly spinning propeller that she sends flyin̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽g into the crowd.
NOBLEJANOBII uses G-Max Snooze! Except she cranks it a bit to͈̦̟͕̣͍͚o high and makes that Snorlax sleep a bit more permanently. Whoops!

TURN 16
SLICKSLACK uses Minimizē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀! But she finds out the hard way trying to squeeze a Rattata through a vent just makes him go squish in a warm and gooey way.
NOBLEJANOBII uses Scale Shot! She opens fire on someon̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽e who was just trying to see how much they weigh!

TURN 17
SLICKSLACK uses Wonder Room! She locks a bunch of kids up and sprays hallucinogenic gas into the room!
NOBLEJANOBII uses False Surren̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽der! Except they see right through it and shē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀ had to end up killing everyone instead.

TURN 18
SLICKSLACK uses Jump Kick! Except she misses Noble and now a mo͈̦̟͕̣͍͚ther Furret has to explain to her husband why her kid is missing a head.
NOBLEJANOBII uses Morning Sun! And n̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽ow all the nocturnal Pokémon despise her.

TURN 19
SLICKSLACK uses Thunder Fang! Except runn̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽ing voltage through Dracula only really pisses him off.
NOBLEJANOBII uses Clanging Scales! She keeps the whole nē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀ighborhood up at night screaming for her demise!

TURN 20
SLICKSLACK uses Baddy Bad! Except she rather be completely rotten and evil instead.
NOBLEJANOBII usē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀s Ominous Wind! But they’re no͈̦̟͕̣͍͚t paying her en̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽ough to haunt a house.

…
Ladies, seriously, at least try murdering each other sometime today. This has got to be embarrassing for both of you!
AGLOME OEN strikē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀s both SLICKSLACK and NOBLEJANOBII for 1HP DAMAGE! SLICKSLACK (2/3) NOBLEJANOBII (2/3)
We wann̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽a see blood!

TURN 21
SLICKSLACK uses Malicious Moonsault! Except she misses and blows up a planet instead.
NOBLEJANOBII uses Branch Poke! But she jabs a Yun̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽goos too hard and impales him in the eye.

TURN 22
SLICKSLACK uses Continental Crush! But blowing up an entire continent isn’t quite as much fun as destroying entire planets.
NOBLEJANOBII uses Powder Snow! But it’s rē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀ally anthrax she spreads aro͈̦̟͕̣͍͚und everywhere!

TURN 23
SLICKSLACK uses Flatter! Except she gets it mixed up with “fatter” like a nimrod and feeds a stuffed Snorlax a wafer-thin mint.
NOBLEJANOBII uses Jump Kick! And an̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽other kid loses their head!

TURN 24
SLICKSLACK uses Reflect Type! She breaks a mirror by accident but decides to make good use of the shards in her torture chamber.
NOBLEJANOBII uses Men̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽acing Moo͈̦̟͕̣͍͚nraze Maelstrom! But she wants hē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀r apocalypse to involve fire instead.

TURN 25
SLICKSLACK uses Simple Beam! Except here the caveman can do it and she can’t! Ha!
NOBLEJANOBII uses Drill Peck! But she thinks it involves welding a dagger to her face.

TURN 26
SLICKSLACK uses Fake Tears! But when people sē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀e right through it, she makes them cry REAL tears!
NOBLEJANOBII uses Magic Powder! And she causes some kids to get addicted to drugs!

TURN 27
SLICKSLACK uses Splash! She jumps around in the kiddie pool she filled with blo͈̦̟͕̣͍͚od!
NOBLEJANOBII uses Leaf Tornado! Except it escalates in̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽to a real tornado and devastates the countryside!

TURN 28
SLICKSLACK uses Petal Dance! But she finds that Lilligant she ripped the flowē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀r off of would rather kill her now than do͈̦̟͕̣͍͚ the tango.
NOBLEJANOBII uses Never-Ending Nightmare! But she needs to do a lot more damage to her align̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽ment before using that!

TURN 29
SLICKSLACK uses Thrash! She beats a Sentret into a bloody pulp!
NOBLEJANOBII uses G-Max Tartness! But that in̙̥͎̜̼̩̱̬͂̈ͦͯ̄̄ͣ̽stead causes evē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀ryone to get monstrous obesity.

TURN 30
SLICKSLACK uses Court Change! But to her, that involves burning it all down instead.
NOBLEJANOBII uses Dark Pulse! But shē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀ finds out the darkness is more dead than living.

…30 TURNS AND NOTHING!?
S̤̜̰̠ͮ͒̉̏͆ͅWÉ̿̒ͬͫ̇ͮ̿ͥͮ̽̎ͪͫE̘͙̺̠̞̘̩̾̄́̌ͫ͗̈́ͪ̆ͬ̎ͩͫ̓ͅ ͚̘̹̥̰̻T͍͚̆͆̊ͅ ̃̎̎ͬ̀͗͛̂͐̋ͩ̋͗ͨM͈̪̭̞̟̙Ȏ̋ͣ̉̌̎ͧͤͮ̈́̐Ț̗H̦͉͆̓̿ͥ̔ͥ̐̒̉̚ͅ ̼̯͖̮͈̼ͅER ̩̭̺̞̟̮͕͖̱͇͔͐̒͋ͩ̒ͪ̔͊ͩ͑̚O͇̙͎̼̰̻͖̱͓̺͔͙͒ͨ̓͒͌͗̿̍ͪ̈́̔͌͐̎̚ ͍̝ͅF̹̝̫͙̜́́ͪ͗ͪ ̥̪̗̥͎͎̞G͉̼͙̱̞͍̙̥̝͈͖̝̜̮̩I̭͇̲͔̲̬̫͍̩ͪ̂̃̒ͬ̈́̑͊͒RAͯͤ̐ͮ̅ͣ ̯̖̺̹̝̟̪̘̹̱͚͚̱̪̦ͭ̑̓͆͐̋̓̀͌TI̒̃͒̍͊̆́͗̈ͩͥ̑N̰̘͎̻̲ͣ͒̿̔̓̎ ̻A̮͖̲ͦ̊ͤ, this is just SAD. If I had it my way, you’d bo͈̦̟͕̣͍͚th die, but ugh, I suppose I have to let one of you win and live. So let’s flip a coin! Heads and Noble dies and Tails, Slick fries. So with a little flip…
TAILS! Sorry, no͈̦̟͕̣͍͚t sorry, Slick! Enjoy a n̰̳͔̳̖͍̥̎̾̾͐̈͒́̓ͅice dirt nap, try hitting something next time and maybe this won’t happen̰̳͔̳̖͍̥̎̾̾͐̈͒́̓ͅ!!




DECK OF MANY ZINGS DROP (5/100) – THE DECK HAS APPEARED!!!

Ugh, that was just h̩̰̳͇̣̲̟͚o͗͑̍̽̀̐̔̾ͧͩ͂͊ͨ͒r̃̊̾̽́͒̏̉͌̽͒͂ͥr͗̍͂͌ͫ̊̅ͪͦí ̗̮̗͎̟ͪ͆̈͒b͔͎̻̥̝̫ͩ̋͌̔̊̒l̯̤̬̣͔͇̖̗͙͙ͅe̟͉ͮ̎. Take your 1 EXP that yo͈̦̟͕̣͍͚u didn’t actually ē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀arn and…

  • Devolve Slick into a pathetic Tympole.
  • Devolve and kill yoͩurself for an Evolution Crystal! Nothing wronͨ̃̋͑ͭͮg with that!
  • Evolve yoursē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀lf to Luxio and stop being a pansy Shinͨ̃̋͑ͭͮx.
  • Or Wheel yourself. Because you’re p̱̳̙̘s̗̰̺̠ͥ̿̃͆y̲̱̘̟͎̘c̫̜̜̖̋͒̂̆hö̻̬̺́̏̆ti̘̼̹̣͐ͫ̌̎cͪ ͍̩̞̩ͧ̌͛.


And…

Do you try your luck with the Dē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀ck or do you to͈̦̟͕̣͍͚ss it in Slick’s zombie facē̥͈̱̤̒͛̀ to deal with!?

Go oń̦, d̏̏ͬ͌ͥ͐ȅͣ̎̃c͍̥̩̬ͧ͊̃͆i͍̻̠͙̣̎͑̇̄ͪde̠̦̮ a̩͚̫ͭ̅̊l̟r͕͊ë͓͙̳̘̮ͣ̆̆̂ͬͅă̠̞̮̮̘ͤ̐̌̔d̗̪̣͇̲̻̈́̆ͬ̉̓ͯy ̰!̰̩̳̠ͦͪ̃́