[WAR] Humor

[The-Hydra]

I'll just pull out something I wrote a while back for fun. It's not very long compared to Neo's, but there's an old saying about length... "Length, shmength" or something to that effect.

Spoiler:

~~BREAKING NEWS~~

Hello, and welcome to the breaking PXR late night news, breaking nightly. I'm your breaking host, Hydra Hydrington. Tonight's breaking headlines:

Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is not known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.

Three exorcists have been devoured by what has been confirmed as a "Green boogeyman".

A man wearing a "have a nice day" button, was killed today by a man who works at night.

A new social networking site, named "Ping", has become extremely popular all over the world in just weeks, making millions. The site is entirely devoted to making ping noises for the low price of 5$, and sending them to your friends.

Gamefreak has confirmed that every single Pokemon will be getting at least one mega, with the exception of Dunsparce.

A man on death row, scheduled to be killed weeks ago, is still alive today because he can't decide between the lobster and the steak for his last meal. He is currently leaning towards lobster.

French-frying people has recently become a popluar form of execution in Texas. It has been accepted as "totally constitutional" by the local government. However, the recent "Hamburgering" method is much more controversial.

A woman who claimed to have a deep love for everyone in the world was killed yesterday, by a man who says he didn't know that.

But first, the insparational story of the week with Hydra Hydrason, featuring this week a pair of cheapskate parents from Ohio. And now we go live to Hydra Hydrason with the story. Hydra?

Thank you, Hydra. This week, an Ohio couple managed to go from rags to riches, all thanks to their incredible frugality. Their 3-year old daughter wanted a Tickle-me-Elmo doll more than anything in the world for her birthday, but they were to cheap to actually buy it, so they rented it for a month, hoping she would grow tired of it by the end of the month.

She played with the doll all month, growing to love it more every day. The couple, knowing this, decided to return it while she was at school and tell her it died because she forgot to feed him. Of course, they knew she wasn't that stupid, so they decided to bury something in their backyard so she would think he really did "die". They decided on the neighbor's Irish setter, on the grounds that it came when called so they wouldn't have to carry something heavy.

But then, when the neighbors heard the sounds of the dog barking, they rushed to the parents' yard, and the parents, thinking quickly, whacked them with the shovels and buried them instead of the dog. Unfortunately, there was a familt reunion going on next door, and all of the family members went down to see what all the commotion was. The parents, at this point quite handy with shovels, started whacking down each and every person. Someone called the police. The sound of shovel-whacking filled the air for the next few hours, until the body pile became so high the family opened a luxury ski resort and became multi-billionares.

The moral is, folks, that when life gives you lemons, open a luxury ski resort. Back to you Hydra.

Thank you Hydra. We'll be back with, "Low-fat Mayonaise: secret to shedding those pounds in less than a week?" After this word from our sponsors. This is Hydra Hydrington, on PXR breaking news, breaking nightly.