[WAR] What We Hope (PG)

[Grassy_Aggron]

I am slowly getting to reading these.

All of the feels! It was pretty well built up, but I kind of wish we got to know Styzer a little better too. Since we didn't see much interaction between them, her dying didn't have as much impact. The main character's reaction however spoke oodles about it. I do have one gripe, and I guess this is just personal preference, and that's just Sneasel are used a lot for thieves. I wouldn't liked to see, say, a Lillipup or something used. Something unusual and not so commonly stereotyped into the thief role, you know?

But other than that (and some of the occasionally really difficult grammar - I had to reread the parts a few times to make it register, although I could just be tired) it was a beautiful story. I want to punch that guard in the face, btw.

[Suicune's Fire]

I am slowly getting to reading these.

All of the feels! It was pretty well built up, but I kind of wish we got to know Styzer a little better too. Since we didn't see much interaction between them, her dying didn't have as much impact. The main character's reaction however spoke oodles about it. I do have one gripe, and I guess this is just personal preference, and that's just Sneasel are used a lot for thieves. I wouldn't liked to see, say, a Lillipup or something used. Something unusual and not so commonly stereotyped into the thief role, you know?

But other than that (and some of the occasionally really difficult grammar - I had to reread the parts a few times to make it register, although I could just be tired) it was a beautiful story. I want to punch that guard in the face, btw.

Thank you so much for reading this one! ^v^ I'd have read some today but grading sprite art and GCEA entries literally took THE ENTIRE DAY. XD

Thanks! And yeah, that was party due to time, partly due to wondering if I would be straying too far from the subject. I DID forget to mention that Styzer was meant to have taken the bullet for the protag, so I might fix this up sometime and add a bit more detail to it. :] And actually, my choice of a sneasel had nothing to do with her life of crime. In fact, she wasn't a thief at all. She was an assassin. xD I know you sort of meant to categorise the two. When I envisioned the story, the first thing I thought of was a sneasel paired with this person, and that's the reason I went with it. As well as that, I just really like sneasel in general. xD I do know what you mean though. I dislike stereotypes as well, but yeah, even if the character had had an entirely different life in this story, the pokemon still would have been a sneasel regardless. xD

Oh really? o: Are there any parts that you can recall which I could review? I must admit that I've been caught out many, many times for awkward phrasing, but that's always been a (possibly annoying) quirk of mine when I write. I don't know if this is valid, but it could also be weird Australian wording although Sarah probably doesn't do it so it's more likely that it's me being weird. xD Nevertheless, thanks for reading and I'll definitely give yours a read soon. :D


~SF.

[Grassy_Aggron]

Ha ha, it's all right. I understand preference wholeheartedly, and I certainly don't think less of you for that. i could've sworn you mentioned thief in the story though, which is where my confusion set in XD

As for wordy parts, it might have been me being really tired. It was 1 AM+ when I read it, so my mind was more than likely a little frazzled. It doesn't seem too bad when I reread it, there was just one part that felt a little wordy.

And when it slithers its way along the filthy floor in your conscience, raising its septic, elongated claws so practiced in the art of infection and promised slaughter, all you can do is watch from afar as those deathly spikes plunge into anything and everything you care about.

This is a single sentence. Don't get me wrong, I love the description in it, but I'm torn since I also feel like it might be a tad bit too long. I don't know >.<

[Suicune's Fire]

Ha ha, it's all right. I understand preference wholeheartedly, and I certainly don't think less of you for that. i could've sworn you mentioned thief in the story though, which is where my confusion set in XD

As for wordy parts, it might have been me being really tired. It was 1 AM+ when I read it, so my mind was more than likely a little frazzled. It doesn't seem too bad when I reread it, there was just one part that felt a little wordy.

This is a single sentence. Don't get me wrong, I love the description in it, but I'm torn since I also feel like it might be a tad bit too long. I don't know >.<

Yay. ^.^ And nope. I just CTRL F'd it to make sure and there's no mention of thieves. xD

Oh lol. Oh, okay then! xD

XD No I totally get it. I did see that sentence, like, yesterday or something and thought, "Wow, did I seriously write a sentence that long?" XD I mean, I like that sentence and I'm not entirely sure how to break it up while keeping its effect, but I agree that it's too long. xD


~SF.