[War] I don't even know what the hell to call this story

[Suicune's Fire]

The forest is a notable size, being about 60 square kilometers.

This happened more than once, but numbers in stories need to be written out into words. So this should be "sixty."

Me and John froze.

I know this is from a character's point of view, so the incorrect grammar may be intentional, but written correctly this would be "John and I froze." In order to test this, erase John and pretend he's just talking about himself: "Me froze." Lolno.

Using a bush of significant size to hide, My friend John was the first to look in.

xD Because you didn't say "hide behind" or beside or whatever, you're saying here that he found a bush of a significant size...to hide. Like, he's trying to hide the bush that is of a significant size. xD Good luck hiding that bush, man. Aside from that, you have a random capital M in "my" which is unneeded.

Through all this, both I and John sat staring,

The arrangement of this should be switched around so it's "John and I" just like in a "John and me" situation. Always the other person first. x)

My fear began to reach it’s peak, reaching a level I had never felt before.

The only time an apostrophe should be in "its" is when the word is short for "it is." When used as possessive (in this case it is), there is no apostrophe. So this should be "My fear began to reach its peak..."

II don’t know what John was thinking at that point, but I was too scared to look and see.

You give away right here that you didn't proofread or use a good program for spellcheck. XD

That's it for the errors, although there were multiple instances of the "its" error and the number thing. The story itself was good, but short. I really liked the way you described the beast. It sounded rather malevolent, which is obviously what you were after. I wasn't too sure about the style of the story, however, as it's a very "retelling" sort of setting. I think stories are usually better when written not in hindsight, because it's more intense if it's "in the moment" and happening as the reader reads it. It's slightly less intense from a retelling point of view, even though it does give you advantages such as foreboding and "we didn't know at the time" and "it's better that we didn't know" or something.

I don't know how much of this was taken from your inspirations, so I can't really judge the plot, but it was kinda cool. As I said, rather short, but it was entertaining. :] I thought I had more to say about the story but unfortunately not.


~SF.