Alpha (PG-13)

[Suicune's Fire]

I'm going to be perfectly honest, critiques scare me, I didn't expect to get one this early too. It wasn't as bad as I thought but I was staring at my screen for a while. I don't know why, they just do, even though I don't get offended too easily and I usually use it as a way to improve. In fact I was literally asking for it. I just get jumpy.

I need to proofread, let's just say that. My phone hates me. I wrote this a little while back and decided to post it now, or a few days ago, I should say. My writing style has changed a bit since then and I'm working on editing some stuff, I just didn't edit this first part for dome reason. My grammar isn't exactly the best and I have no excuse for that considering English is my first language. As for commas, o either use way too many or not enough, there's not too much of an in between.

The confusing things will be resolved, because like you said the chapters are very very short, they do get longer at one point. It's only the beginning after all. I plan to edit it so I have an excuse to change my writing style into the one I mainly use now. The owner thing is another metaphor, it's all a huge metaphor surrounded by more metaphors. I just love metaphors. Anyways the owner has a mixed personality and get kind of violent when angered, but besides that he still cares about Alpha. Part of me wants to create a section explaining all the metaphors, it's my life so I'm pretty much the only one that understands every one of them.

Anyways thanks for the feedback, I plan to update it next sonetime tomorrow.

I hope I didn't make you too uncomfortable. :] Usually my goals revolve around reviewing in a friendly way whilst giving some help here and there! Writing isn't always easy, and grammar is certainly a pain in most people's butts. So I understand. x) Grammar isn't what makes a story anyway. Don't worry--many people whose first language is English don't have grammar nearly as good as you do. xD Mostly it's just punctuation so I'm sure you'll be able to learn a few things along the way!

Ah okay, well that's good to hear! 8D Lol an "excuse." You don't need an excuse, guuuurl! Just write how you feel. I think styles are subject to change anyway so don't feel pressured to have a certain way you write. Mine is all over the place usually. xD Ahaha oh my. Well it sounds like metaphor-central, which I too have a fondness for! And metaphors used in the context of struggles and challenges are always great. That makes sense. Maybe if you put that into the story, it would help readers like me to understand. It's not the metaphors that are confusing, but more like the delivery of information. I'm guilty of it too, but sometimes what happens is that the author forgets that the readers don't have as much context as they do, as the writers, so they'll skip some information that they thought may not have needed to be touched on.

No worries. x) Awesomesauce. By the way, your username is awesome. xD


~SF.

EDIT: Ahahahaha I had to edit this and tell you: I just woke up, and last night I had a dream where Alpha was a movie about a German Shepherd who was a police dog. XD In the dream, I'd seen a random poster for it as I was on my way somewhere, and I remember thinking, "Oh, I didn't know they made a movie about it!" XD SO GO YOU!