Tri-Kappa Labs

[Noblejanobii]

@Suicune's Fire
Ok I'm going to try and answer this in the same order you did but I'm not going to be quoting you because that'll be overwhelming and time consuming on my phone.

1) In regards to the whole minutes thing, you have to understand the concept of time. It didn't take her seconds to jump from her bed, make her way across the room, and get to the window then look around. Someone would have to have like super speed (which Shayla lacks). Therefore, it would be minutes because these actions do take time therefore minutes would be the correct term here, not seconds.

2) I have never heard of this before so this is new to me. Thank you for the correction.

3) I have also never heard of this grammatical error either. I'll fix that as well.

4) I tend to write in a form that people would speak. this means that it is not always grammatically correct. It contains fragments and odd sentences all around. This is how people around me talk so this is how I write how people speak.

5) I have a habit of switching between number and letter form when writing numbers. It's a habit that I am trying to break but sometimes I slip up.

6) I am uncomfortable in writing in present tense. My writing does not flow as well that way. My sentences become choppy and chapters become significantly shorter with a lot less descriptiveness. I tried for several years to write in present tense but I was not improving at all. In fact I became worse. My english teacher last year recommended I try past tense instead. This, in my opinion as well as those of the english teachers around school, believe that it flows much better now, as well as allows for some flexibility. She's telling in the first person which allows for me to include emotions and personal thoughts but it's in past tense so it flows better. It is my writing style and I like it so I doubt I will change it any time soon.

7) As for the short first chapter, when I write stories, I tend to try to hook readers with the first chapter. I make it short, sweet, and suspenseful, which tends to draw people in. Then I flesh out everything in the following chapters. Never have I read a book where an author tells you everything about the character in the first chapter. That tends to take away from the mystery. I introduce my characters piece by piece so that while you may not know them at all within the first chapters, you'll be learning about them the entire story.

NOTE: If I ever seen rude when I am responding to criticisms I apologize. I don't mean to sound rude, but I'm not used to be criticized. Most people that read my stories for some odd reason love them. It is only this year that I've actually been challenged in my writing skills. That being said, I'm not always sure how to respond to corrective criticism. I am thankful for all writing tips since I do plan to make my living on writing and the more tips I get the better I will be.

[Suicune's Fire]

No worries. :] I'll do that too because it's easier even on a computer. xD And I'll leave the response black so it's easier to read, ahaha.

1. Oh, I do understand the concept of time. What I was saying is that there wasn't a clearly specified amount of time in the story in order for us to understand where everything is. For instance, my bed is literally right beside my window so it would take me seconds to get there, and I don't have super speed. xD The thing is, you described it in such a short number of words that there's no way we could tell that it took minutes. If you described it in a lot more detail and made it clear how long it took, then I'd understand it taking minutes. I'm not trying to tell you that it only took her seconds; I'm just saying that with the way it's currently laid out, it's hard to grasp how much time went by. There is no way that "I got out of bed and walked to the nearest window" is going to tell us how long it took her, or how quiet she was trying to be, or how scared she was while she was doing it, or maybe the deliberation when she was trying to make the decision to move or not, etc. All I'm saying is, clarity makes everything better. :]

2. No worries! Trust me, I have had issues upon issues with "swam" and "swum" and all similar words. xD You're not alone.

3. No worries. I also had no clue about it when I first started posting stories online until someone from the old pokemon forum explained it to me. x)

4. I understand that, but there's a difference between writing out intonation and using correct, absolute grammar in certain places--like at the end of the sentence. All of those quotes were just me explaining my initial speech grammar point. x)

5. That's okay. ^^ I just wanted to remind you.

6. Ohhh, oh no, that's not what I meant at all. I HATE present tense. I find it horribly uncomfortable to write and to read. Past tense is still happening newly as the story progresses, though. In past tense, it's not a character looking back on the past and recounting events--that's not what it means, and I'm sure you know that. I'm stating that how could a person know without hindsight what was about to happen? It would be like me sitting here at my desk now, typing on my computer. How do I know that in five seconds, my bed could explode? I don't. Because it hasn't happened yet. So unless she's telling a story to someone after she's already lived it, then her knowing about the guy outside her window doesn't make sense. (Also I was talking about perspective, not tense, but tense is important too. xD)

7. That's also not what I meant. xD I just meant maybe an indication of her personality, what she looks like, or how she thinks. I don't mean give away her backstory. xD I just mean surface things as a character introduction.

Sorry if my review was confusing; I think a lot of things I said came across as unclear and were easy to misinterpret. I hope I cleared some things up in this response though. And don't worry, I didn't think you were rude. x) I have been reviewing people's pokemon stories online for years and years now, so I've heard all sorts of responses when I've reviewed stories. I always quote every error I find so I can help the author improve and so that specific errors can be ironed out. Trust me, I'd only do this to help. I feel bad when I read people's stories and don't point out the errors, because then how is one supposed to improve? But anyway, I'm glad you found it helpful. Don't worry--I didn't mean that I don't like your writing! It really did draw me in despite my corrections, so don't worry about that. :] A few sentences in, I could already tell that you were a good writer.

Anyway, I hope to get around to more of it soon. x) The concept sounds really cool so far. Please don't be discouraged by anything I say. :] I do truly only mean to help you improve!