The Trial of Juno Saga [PG-13]

[Suicune's Fire]

Chapter Five

As sad and pathetic as David’s sad and humiliating fate had been,

I think the repetition of 'sad' here could be avoided with a different adjective. :]

After that, we headed back into the tropical forest, hoping we would find Randy soon and get out of Randy’s retarded dream world as soon as possible.

Replacing "Randy's" with "his" would sound better for this sentence, I reckon.


Chapter Six

He’s knows more about Pokémon and battling than anyone else now.

Should just be "He"

Besides him were Jeff and Frank, seated on similar thrones on platforms ten feet in the air.

"Besides" shouldn't have that s.

Alex asked, nearly laughing.“I don’t think so.

You forgot a space before the speech.


Chapter Seven:

I could feel the chill from the freezing blast myself, and I was more twenty feet away.

I think this is meant to say more than twenty feet away.

“Articuno, Arial Ace attack on Lilligant!”

This is my favourite quote of the ones I've posted. xD I can't believe a font attack was super effective.


Chapter Eight:

Merciless, little freak.

I think that comma is quite unnecessary.


Well, I'm in the middle of chapter nine right now. :] Reading on the train and reading while waiting for appointments is a brilliant way to catch up on stories! xD Anyway, well, Randy's world is weird as all heck. xD He seems like such a twit. I really am on the bullies' side. xD I mean, Randy and Jeff and Frank all cheating? Not cool. Even if it brings them some satisfaction for beating their bullies, they really do seem sort of pathetic. xD I dunno, I just don't have sympathy for them anyway. lel. I'm such a nice person.

I haven't reached the point where Jake is turned into a pikachu yet, and I'm quite curious as to how that's going to tie in to everything. But I suppose I'll see. c: It's quite an entertaining read, although I felt really bad for Jake's and Alex's poor pokemon when they were transformed into other species and beaten up. D: That would have been horrible for them! I hate that Randy, Jeff and Frank don't care about the other three's pokemon. I mean, I get it--they've been bullied by the boys and their pokemon, but still. They didn't do anything wrong. They're just victims of manipulation, and decimating them (almost to the point of complete destruction) was overkill and pretty heartless. It irked me.

I found it funny that they were all transformed into something "girly," though I can't help but wonder why Randy chose "pretty and pink" for them all. I mean, is it really that much of a big deal for men to be emasculated? I don't want to be that person, but when he was calling them "ladies" as an insult, I found it a little patronising. I'm not a boy, so I don't have those issues personally, but it felt like they were being told they were weak for looking "girly." I get that they're all, like, twelve though, and to some boys masculinity is important at that age... or something.

Anyway, I'll keep reading. I'm interested to see what happens. I'm up to the part where Jake meets Coldblood, and he seems pretty powerful. I suppose he would be when Jake and his friends have been tormenting Randy for so long. xD