The Trial of Juno Saga [PG-13]

[Neo Emolga]

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of Sniper Emolga and Suicune's Fire the Spotter!

Chapter Five

I think the repetition of 'sad' here could be avoided with a different adjective. :]

Yeah. no kidding. Redundancy and I sure aren't friends but he still seems to like to tag along.

*BANG!*

Replacing "Randy's" with "his" would sound better for this sentence, I reckon.

Psh, there he is again! You'd think he'd learn!

*BANG!*

Chapter Six

Should just be "He"

Well, Depression is kind of a strange guy, but he's got no excuse when it comes to talking normally!

*BANG!*

"Besides" shouldn't have that s.

Now where did he come from?

*BANG* *BANG*

You forgot a space before the speech.

*Blinks*

Wow, see, that's something I never would have caught in a hundred years. That's like someone handing you a haystack with a needle in it and you saying half a second later "found it!"

Chapter Seven:

I think this is meant to say more than twenty feet away.

Yup, that's an ugly one. *BANG*

This is my favourite quote of the ones I've posted. xD I can't believe a font attack was super effective.

It sure was! But you should see a Comic Sans Ace or a Century Gothic Ace! Now those are really...

*BANG*

...just kidding. Wow, that was an embarrassing mistake. XD

Chapter Eight:

I think that comma is quite unnecessary.

Yeah. Go on home, now! Or I'll... you know... *BANG*. There, takes care of that one.

Thanks for being my typo spotter!

Well, I'm in the middle of chapter nine right now. :] Reading on the train and reading while waiting for appointments is a brilliant way to catch up on stories! xD Anyway, well, Randy's world is weird as all heck. xD He seems like such a twit. I really am on the bullies' side. xD I mean, Randy and Jeff and Frank all cheating? Not cool. Even if it brings them some satisfaction for beating their bullies, they really do seem sort of pathetic. xD I dunno, I just don't have sympathy for them anyway. lel. I'm such a nice person.

You are a nice person!

But hey, now you're seeing where I'm going with this. I think it's easy for people to feel sorry for Randy and Frank in the beginning and might think Jeff is the hero, but then the true colors come out when Randy gets into a position of power.

I haven't reached the point where Jake is turned into a pikachu yet, and I'm quite curious as to how that's going to tie in to everything. But I suppose I'll see. c: It's quite an entertaining read, although I felt really bad for Jake's and Alex's poor pokemon when they were transformed into other species and beaten up. D: That would have been horrible for them! I hate that Randy, Jeff and Frank don't care about the other three's pokemon. I mean, I get it--they've been bullied by the boys and their pokemon, but still. They didn't do anything wrong. They're just victims of manipulation, and decimating them (almost to the point of complete destruction) was overkill and pretty heartless. It irked me.

And you can kind of see where I was going with this. First, I'm sure most people really despise Jake in the beginning and feel sympathy for Randy. Then I decided that it would be interesting to come up with a way for the reader to feel the opposite as time goes on.

Also, I would totally hate to have that done to my Pokémon. I think anyone would. XD

I found it funny that they were all transformed into something "girly," though I can't help but wonder why Randy chose "pretty and pink" for them all. I mean, is it really that much of a big deal for men to be emasculated? I don't want to be that person, but when he was calling them "ladies" as an insult, I found it a little patronising. I'm not a boy, so I don't have those issues personally, but it felt like they were being told they were weak for looking "girly." I get that they're all, like, twelve though, and to some boys masculinity is important at that age... or something.

True, the line between girly stuff and guy stuff has kind of blurred a bit (guys wear pink shirts all the time at the office now and no one thinks anything of it). Given Alex, David, and Jake are trying to be tough, cool, and feared, it's pretty clear Randy knows doing that kind of thing to three tough guys like them would be humiliating and would make them feel awkward. Some guys wouldn't care too much, but for those three, it's embarrassing.

Anyway, I'll keep reading. I'm interested to see what happens. I'm up to the part where Jake meets Coldblood, and he seems pretty powerful. I suppose he would be when Jake and his friends have been tormenting Randy for so long. xD

I had some fun with revising Coldblood. Before, he was kind of just... there, but I made some fun editions to his actions and speech. Like this one:

“I am Randy’s hatred, Jake,” He had told me. “The name is Coldblood. Look at this place and look at me. Stern. Serious. Formal. This is the future adult life that will inevitably come for him when he will have to earn a living working eight to seven on spreadsheets, forms, metrics, and analytical data after spending half the day in meetings and on the phone. It is everything Randy's childish and imaginative demeanor will loathe."

As someone who works fulltime in an office building doing this kind of... bore, this was fun to write. XD

Anyway, thanks for all your help and feedback! Glad you're enjoying the story, and I appreciate taking the time out to leave great and helpful reviews. :D