King of the Hill!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

Hrm, this seems interesting. Unfortunately, Neo, if you're attempting to escalate this into a 'better attack-off' you have already failed. How are you going to stand up to THIS? And that's just one-half! Here's the other!

The sheer ridiculousness of this attack, even though it takes place on another forum in another game, is so ludicrously epic that Neo is blown away by the sheer insanity of the attack that isn't even directed at him! This stuff makes Tengen Toppa Gurenn Lagann look totally weaksauce! (I may have misspelled that horrifically but you get the point). How is he going to compete with THAT?!

Neo surrenders the Hill in awe. I take it. MY HILL!!!

Oh, and I DID get the Godarm (thus performing the titular task and Destroying the Godmodder) in the end. Huzzah!

[Neo Emolga]

(Off hand, I didn't get into DTGM because I think I was really busy the day it started and I fell so far behind so fast and had no clue what on earth was going on (and then I realized it was all nothing in particular). But fighting BAAL in AntIv0id was awesome, so I would gladly give a PXR DTGM another chance if you run it. :D)

I realize that my evil twin doppelganger, Aglome Oen, has confused Tazz into thinking the hill has been surrendered to him! For shame! While Aglome Oen the false doppelganger Emolga dupes Tazz, I use Epic Sorcery to teleport the hill and myself to Neverland beyond Tazz's knowledge, causing him to realize he stands in a crater with a distinctive lack of hill, thus escaping the wrath of the Godarm.

I then place the hill in Neverwood and wonder exactly how long it's going to take Tazz to realize both the hill and the real Neo Emolga are no longer there.

MY HILL!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

((DTG (and it is DTG, not DTGM) is in general like that. It gets hectic, fast. Fortuantely, you only need a few basic facts and catching up is a breeze as there's no progression system barring ones you make and Alchemies, and Alchemies barely matter. That being said, right now might actually not be the time to join DTG0 in case your interest has re-sparked (or precisely that time, depends on the thinking of it): Three new bosses have appeared and they're all nightmares, and one has the dreaded, loathful thing I call invulnerability frames.))

The answer is so instantly the time is in fact negative! In all reality, Algome Oen has in fact told me exactly what you were going to do and has allowed me instant access to the hill's secret cave system in order to backstab you just at the critical moment: RIGHT NOW!

I proceed to backstab you with Algome Oen. He was wearing a really sharp helmet at the time so this is not actually laughable. I then kick both of you to the curb, and Algome Oen declares all of it worth it and abandons you. I then kick the hill back to, uh...Hm.

Iceland. Yes.

MY HILL!!!

[Neo Emolga]

That darn Aglome Oen!

I place Magical Bandy-Aid on the stab wound, which heals it in only seconds, and it only cost me $9.99, came with a second Magical Bandy-Aid because I called now, and they included the new and improved "Bandana-Aid" priced at $19.99 for free just because I took advantage of that special TV offer!

Not realizing it, I managed to track down the hill to Iceland because of the psychic link I have to my stopwatch memento, which I had on the hill prior to Tazz's relocation. I Phazon-Warp to Iceland, and then happily greet Tazz with Best Friends Forever Cake from Carvel. Just kidding. No, I greet Tazz with a box of Insidious Hummingbirds, which poke Tazz incessantly with their pokey beaks. The incessant poking drives Tazz off the hill, where he rolls into Dirty Laundry Trap. Before he can escape, he is dumped into a giant washing machine by a lifter truck and gets to enjoy the fun and tumble of today's laundry wash, with fresh lilac detergent scent!

MY HILL!!!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

I pull out a Shovel! This makes me Shovel Knight! With a singular shovel strike, I blow up the washing Machine and all of your laundry! And it is TOTALLY your laundry! Hence, you need to find a Laundromat, asap! You speed to the nearest one, while I claim the hill, and use my mastery over the Arts of Shovelry to create an incredible dirt fortress from which I can snipe you with dirt bullets!

Yes! Dirt bullets! I don't know how they work but they do!

MY HILL!!!

[Neo Emolga]

As I am getting sniped with dirt bullets, I suddenly remember that Emolgas don't need to wear clothes! Not like we could wear them anyway with the arm flaps! After taking a dirt bullet to the butt and the back of the head, I recognize this as being quite painful and needs to be fixed immediately.

I employ the assistance of Pigeon Legion, which lay aerial siege to Tazz's dirt fortress by means of Vigorous Pooping Attack. This is followed by Kitty-Litter Assault by Catapults and Cringe-Worthy Dubstep music repetition from Mad Max Doof Wagon directed toward Tazz. With Tazz stunned from this unexpected form of assault, I then use Fresh Flush spell, causing a massive wave to wash away Shovel Knight Tazz and his filthy and dirty fortress with all of the kitty-litter and pigeon poop. Tazz and his dirty stuff is then deposited into the ocean, where he finds Happy Hungry Sea Kraken waiting for him with anticipation. CHOMP!

I then use a leaf blower to dry off the hill, leaving it sparkling and squeaky clean! I then invite Chaos Lord Undiax and Dreadlich Xivax for chips and dip and Netflix and chill. I then declare myself as the new Doof Wagon Warrior and claim the Flamethrower Guitar as my own legendary weapon!

MY HILL!!!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

The Happy Hungry Sea Kraken quickly gets angry about his absolutely detestable food (would YOU feed yourself kitty litter, dirt and pigeon poop, Neo?) and spits it all out in a disgusting ball of disgustingness! However, in a 100% shocker, I turn out to not be there! It was merely a dummy! What gives?!

Meanwhile, in the far-off worlds of wondrous MLG Proness, a great force has been disturbed. Sips_ the Magnificent has been aroused from the magnificence of governing his fine Dirt Factory and all MLG Proness from the destruction of my marvelous dirt contraption, and is now angry that you just pooped all over such a great testimony to his incredible will! He vanishes from his palace and appears to you! Your two comrades immediately incinerate, unable to compete with the raw gudness radiating from Sips as heat from the sun as he loads his legendary weapon: The Sipsly_ Magnum!

What follows would have been done in an animation that is so horrible that it warps around to brilliant, but let's just leave it at these two highly descriptive words:

INSTEUNT DEAF

you're knocked so hard you get knocked back to Nowhere-Near-the-Hill-Ville and it's HosPITal, which somehow restores people from death, while I reclaim it after revealing myself to have been the television the whole time! Sips_ just leaves.

MY HILL!!!

[Neo Emolga]

After fully recovering from Insteunt Deaf and exiting HosPITal, I take the next flight out of Nowhere-Near-the-Hill-Ville.

Seeing as how Tazz has stolen the hill yet again, I snicker as I devise the brilliant plan to obtain a giant vat of molten Silly Putty and use a helicopter to dump said Silly Putty upon Tazz's head, immediately covering him and rendering him into Giant Ball of Silly Putty state. I then lift said Giant Ball of Silly Putty into Giant Gift Box and cover it with Giant Gift Box Random Holiday Gift Wrap. I then mail it to Dr. Evil via UPS and wave goodbye as a nice, big, brown truck carts the package away.

I then return to my recently repossessed hill and use Illegitimate Science Magic! to erect Neo Emolga McMansion upon the hill, complete with fifty rooms, swimming pool, tennis court, and gazebo. I then enjoy watching Animaniacs via Netflix on my outside projection television while relaxing in a flotation lounge chair in my pool, martini in hand.

MY HILL!!!

[The Nonexistent Tazz]

While you devise the aformentioned plan without actually executing said plan, and then proceed to recklessly create your mansion on the hill and attempt to claim it, I throw various Wonderful 101 bosses at you, barring the one you fight four times (specifically that one). Barring that specific boss, every other one (relative to you) is at least the size of a skyscraper, so I've basically hurled skyscrapers at your face. Needless to say, the collateral destroys Neo McMansion.

Before you can actually do anything to take vengance for Neo McMansion, the boss battles actually begin, all at once, and you are not the Wonderful One-Double-O, and in fact there is exactly one of you.

Needless to say, you do not achieve Pure Platinum Rank.

Meanwhile, I just keep the hill you didn't even manage to claim. Next time, check that your well-crafted plan has actually been executed!

I blow up your source of giant vats, preventing the rest of your plan from taking place, JUST In case.

MY HILL!!!

[Neo Emolga]

The Wonderful 101 bosses attack, which are somewhat incomprehensible to me as I have yet to touch a Wii-U controller. I then cast and summon the Angel of the Dire Hour, which causes all attacking creatures to be exiled. Because you were foolish enough to attack with all of them all at once, they're all exiled, removed from the existence of this plane entirely, and don't even get a consolation prize. None of them are spared and I don't even take a scratch. They don't get the right to a phone call, a defense attorney, and they do not pass Go and collect $200. They don't even collect the shiny participation pin.

In the meantime, I have no need of some silly "Pure Platinum Rank" as my status went beyond "Divine Legendary Warlord" years ago, which far exceeds the little that "Pure Platinum Rank" stands for.

While the loss of Neo Emolga McMansion is trivial, I find Tazz, and unleash the Draconic Swarm upon him plus Angel of the Dire Hour. He gets thoroughly cooked via fiery dragon breath weapons to a piping hot medium-well, as that's how my dragons usually prefer their meals cooked. Angel of the Dire Hour then loads you into a giant slingshot and flings you across the lands like an Angry Bird, which lands you back into HosPITal.

The lack of your presence has indicated I have won the hill back, and instead of a mansion, I use my SimCity X 5000 Powers and instantly create a Sci-Fi towering skyscraper instead as Neo Emolga Tower.

MY HILL!!!